View Full Version : [SOLVED] What Do You Do If .... ?
Zargawee
May17-03, 12:13 PM
Hello ,
Here's a cool idea I got , we start a question starting with "What Do you do If" , the next user answers this question and post another "What Do You Do If" question .
If you're interested , Join Us [:D] .. I hope Some Join us in this Crazy stuff [g)]
Q : What Do You Do If you were A Very Popular Rock Star ?
**Edited because I forgot how to write smilies .. hehe [6)]**
Originally posted by Zargawee
Here's a cool idea I got , we start a question
starting with "What Do you do If" , the next user
answers this question and post another "What
Do You Do If" question .
Cool !
Originally posted by Zargawee
Q : What Do You Do If you
were A Very Popular Rock Star ?
Pretend I lost my voice and retire to waste
all the millions. [:)]
What would you do if you were a theoretical
physicst (including the case that you are
one [;)]) ?
i will hope i am a rock star to get a lot of money
what do you do if you were billgate
Zargawee
May18-03, 11:20 AM
what do you do if you were Bill Gates ?
I would cancel the Stupid project called Windows !
What do you do if you were able to die and then live again ?
I would find out just how many ways there are of killing myself!
What would you do if you knew everthing?
Originally posted by Andy
What would you do if you knew everthing?
Spend the next few years filing patents and selling them for lots of money; then I'd waste all the money entertaining myself for the rest of my life, and play my guitar.
What would you do if you could fly?
then i will have more space to live in
what do you do if there is no water ?
Originally posted by MSI
what do you do if there is no water ?
Get some hydrogen, get twice as much oxygen, get a bic lighter, then flick your bic (and stand back).
What do you do if someone sneezes on you?
I would die due to my composition.
What would you do if you could could mutate?
i don't think that i want to use that ability !
what do you do if you were a bug between hands of a child that is not scared from you?
Originally posted by MSI
i don't think that i want to use that ability !
what do you do if you were a bug between hands of a child that is not scared from you?
Sting the brat. It'll be scared of you from now on! [<:)]
What do you do if are elected President of the U.S.?
Get lots of oil paintings of myself.
What would you do if you were living on Mars, with no other human contact, but able to support yourself for the rest of your natural life span?
I would make the biggest sand castle ever! and then knock it down and do it again!
What would you do if you could see into the future?
Zargawee
May20-03, 02:00 AM
What would you do if you could see into the future?
I would write down all winnder lottery numbers [<:)] [:D]
What do you do if you were an angel ?
i will see every one "as they will not see me" and i will fly every were
what do you do if you were devil [<:)] ?
BoulderHead
May20-03, 08:43 AM
Originally posted by MSI
i will see every one "as they will not see me" and i will fly every were
what do you do if you were devil [<:)] ? I'd attempt to fool people into believing they actually had a chance for eternal life.
What do you do if you wish to control the entire world?
Originally posted by BoulderHead
What do you do if you wish to control the entire world?
First you kill James Bond without telling him your master plan. Then you obviously need either (a) space based weapons, (b) an underwater lair and some nuclear weapons, or (c) a casino and a super-virus that kills people you don't like. Then all that's left is the actual taking-over-of-the-world, a relatively easy task.
What do you do if you turn out to be a blithering idiot?
Zargawee
May20-03, 12:42 PM
I would try to be a comedy actor
What do you do if you realized that this life is The Matrix ?
Carry on regardless well at least try to carry on,
What would you do if your light bulb blows?
thats really happend
i will leave the room until onther guy come and solve the problem
what do you do if you saw J.W BOSH in real ?
Originally posted by MSI
what do you do if you saw J.W BOSH in real ?
Perhaps if you ignore him, he'll go away.
What do you do if a friend refuses to give you one of the 4 rectangles in his kit-kat candy bar?
BoulderHead
May21-03, 12:08 PM
Originally posted by J-Man
Perhaps if you ignore him, he'll go away.
What do you do if a friend refuses to give you one of the 4 rectangles in his kit-kat candy bar? Buy a snickers bar and explain; I don't really like those nasty things anyway!
What do you do if all your underwear is too filthy to use, but the pants you will be wearing are too thin to leave much to the imagination?
Stuff a pair of sock down ur pants just like a rock star!
What do you do if u dont have any socks to puit down ur pants?
BoulderHead
May21-03, 01:23 PM
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if u dont have any socks to puit down ur pants? Use a 2x4 instead (maybe that's where the saying "walk tall and carry a big stick" came from....just a bunch of guys who needed their laundry done!
What do you do if you don't need, but only want another computer?
Originally posted by BoulderHead
What do you do if you don't need, but only want another computer?
Steal a computer, or if you can afford it, steal a good computer.
What do you do if you get caught stealing a computer?
BoulderHead
May21-03, 01:57 PM
Originally posted by J-Man
What do you do if you get caught stealing a computer? They force you to wear dirty underwear.[g)]
What do you do if the government starts taxing emails?
Originally posted by BoulderHead
What do you do if the government starts taxing emails?
Send Personal Messages on physicsforums instead.
What do you do if you don't want to do what you have to do?
BoulderHead
May21-03, 02:28 PM
Originally posted by J-Man
What do you do if you don't want to do what you have to do? Personally, I would procrastinate.
What do you do if you’re tired of wasting so much energy breathing, yet you keep forgetting to hold your breath?
Originally posted by BoulderHead
What do you do if you’re tired of wasting so much energy breathing, yet you keep forgetting to hold your breath?
Take smaller breaths until you remember to hold it, or connect a generator to your chest and use it to power the lights on your sneakers.
What do you do if J-Man can't stop posting?
BoulderHead
May21-03, 03:18 PM
Originally posted by J-Man
What do you do if J-Man can't stop posting? If you are BoulderHead you just keep posting until he stops. [:D]
What do you do if your hard drive begins to soften?
Stick Viagra in the Floppy Drive![6)]
What do you do if the internet stopped working?
BoulderHead
May21-03, 03:24 PM
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if the internet stopped working? I think I might have to consider getting a life.
What do you do if there is no life outside of the internet?
Originally posted by BoulderHead
I think I might have to consider getting a life.
What do you do if there is no life outside of the internet?
Keep doing what I'm doing, duh.
What do you do if you're stuck on the Brooklyn bridge, in a traffic jam, and you've just had two really strong cups of coffee and three bran muffins?
i will leave the car and start running " i will lose the car but no problem "
what do you do if you meet Albert Einstein ?
tell him to get a haircut!
What do you do if you fall over and cant get up again?
Get a huge disability allowance and try to sue someone.
What would you do if there was a constant stream of flies coming out of your mouth?
I would use it to my advantage and save the world by using my superpower to rid the world of evil!
What do you do if your running out of questions to ask?
BoulderHead
May22-03, 03:35 PM
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if your running out of questions to ask? You ask someone else what they would do in this position.
What do you do if Zero locks this thread?
Zargawee
May22-03, 05:05 PM
What do you do if Zero locks this thread?
Start another one , or ask for unlock.
What do you do if Zargawee didn't start this topic ?
I would go do some revision for my exams!
What do you do if smokes pouring out of your oven? (uhoh)!
Originally posted by Andy
I would go do some revision for my exams!
What do you do if smokes pouring out of your oven? (uhoh)!
Give up on baking for the day.
What do you do if you solve the equations of string theory?
Zargawee
May25-03, 05:16 AM
What do you do if you solve the equations of string theory?
I would say : WoW .. That was a piece of cake !
What do you do if you were sent to live on moon alone ?
If iw as sent to live on the moon it would be because everyone on earth hated me so i would get in contact with some aliens and use the moon as a secret base to plan an attack on all those puny earthlings!
what would you do if there where no aliens?
Andy asked:
what would you do if there where no aliens?
Make crop-circles. It keeps the conspiracy theorists entertained.
What do you do if the mosquitoes take over the world?
Now that would suck! big time!
Originally posted by J-Man
Make crop-circles. It keeps the conspiracy theorists entertained.
What do you do if the mosquitoes take over the world?
Infect them with diseases.
What would you do if an alien took over the world and demanded that every human greet each other by putting your hand in their mouth?
Originally posted by plus
Infect them with diseases.
What would you do if an alien took over the world and demanded that every human greet each other by putting your hand in their mouth?
Stick your hand in the alien's mouth and gag it. That'll prove the folly of this form of greeting, and remove the producer of the idea, in one action.
What do you do if someone challenges you to a spit-wad war in the middle of an important lecture?
roll my exam paper up and finish the bastard off!
what do you do if your dishwasher starts talking to you?
BoulderHead
May27-03, 04:07 PM
Originally posted by Andy
roll what do you do if your dishwasher starts talking to you? That depends on what it has to say; If it is polite you listen patiently, ask it what it wants, and exchange some ideas. Otherwise, you wash its dirty little mouth out with detergent!
What do you do if Diogenes comes over to your house and starts spitting on the floor and furnishings?
I would find out who/what diogenes is and then either let them carry on or tell them to get the **** out!
What do you do if the thread starts dieing?
Originally posted by Andy
I would find out who/what diogenes is and then either let them carry on or tell them to get the **** out!
What do you do if the thread starts dieing?
Post on it. Duh. [:)]
What do you do if you start dieing.
well we are already start dieing .... when you are born the time goes
and death come closer by time so you are dieng [:))]
what do i do?
normal life [:)]
what do you do if you know that you are immortal?
spend eternity trying to kill yourself!
what do you do if your a famous rock star with millions and millions of pounds/dollars (or whatever currency you use)?
Zargawee
May30-03, 12:16 PM
what do you do if your a famous rock star with millions and millions of pounds/dollars (or whatever currency you use)?
I aksed this before ... but anyway , I'd like to answer it [:)]
I would buy about 100 Guitars and start smashing them onto the floor !
What do you do if you have annoying friends ?
Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if you have annoying friends ?
Wait until they fall asleep and shave off their eyebrows, or at least half of them.
What do you do if someone has shaved off your eyebrows, or at least half of them? (I don't know where they would get an idea like that!)
Originally posted by J-Man
Wait until they fall asleep and shave off their eyebrows, or at least half of them.
What do you do if someone has shaved off your eyebrows, or at least half of them? (I don't know where they would get an idea like that!)
Fly to Indiana, and shave off J-Man's eyebrows. It may not get my eyebrows back for me, but it'll sure make me feel better (since the whole eyebrow-shaving thing was J-Man's idea in the first place).
What do you do if a race of sentient aliens attack Earth (a little cliche', but who cares?)?
Give them loadsa teddy bears with little hearts that say "I love you" that wil make them see the light.
What dou you do if you can breathe underwater?
Originally posted by Andy
What dou you do if you can breathe underwater?
Call up Guiness and set the new world record for staying underwater without snorkle or scuba gear.
What do you do if there are 3 gerbils running around in your pants?
----------------
This message produced entirely by recyled electrons... hey where are my eyebrows?
cmdr_sponge
May30-03, 04:51 PM
learn how to breathe above water (cus it'd be a lot more useful)
what if the government banned underwear
(beat you by 27 microseconds! But since your new, we'll go with your question.)
cmdr_sponge asked:
what (do you do) if the government banned underwear
Become an Inspecther and look under womens dresses to see if they comply.
What do you do if there are 3 gerbils running around in your pants?
If the government banned underwear i would have no problem with the damn gerbils!
what do you do if youreally like the taste of something thats poisonous to you and will certainly kill you if you keep eating it/drinking it?
cmdr_sponge
May30-03, 05:09 PM
pray to go that the thing tastes like chicken so u can get away with eating almost nething?
what if chicken tasted like asparigrass (would everything taste like asparigrass?)
Zargawee
May31-03, 09:23 AM
what if chicken tasted like asparigrass (would everything taste like asparigrass?)
Consider that Chekin never tasted like anything but asparigrass ( BTW , What is this ? [g)] )
What do you do if you were sitting beside a C4 bomb ?
cmdr_sponge
May31-03, 09:36 AM
defuse it
what would u do if u where standing on a mine that would go off if u stepped off it and u had nothing to diffuse it with, but the diffusion kit was two steps away [asparigrass is a type of vegetable]
i would use my magnet on my watch to attract the deffusal kit and then i would defuse it with my expert defusing skills that i attained in my mispent child hood!
what do you do if your a Dog?
cmdr_sponge
May31-03, 09:56 AM
bark
what would u do if u had all of god's powers for a day
Zargawee
May31-03, 09:58 AM
what do you do if your a Dog?
Enjoying being near to KFC and the slaughterhouse [6)] [:D]
Zargawee
May31-03, 10:28 AM
Originally posted by cmdr_sponge
what would u do if u had all of god's powers for a day
make this day longer than you can ever imagine [:D]
What do you do if we returned back to stone ages ?
Originally posted by Zargawee
make this day longer than you can ever imagine [:D]
What do you do if we returned back to stone ages ?
Get stoned, like everybody else.
What do you do if you go to your favorite restaurant, and order a steak; but after you take your first bite, you notice that - under the steak - there's scabby bandage?
cmdr_sponge
May31-03, 12:53 PM
send it back as u ordered a clean bandage
what if u where personally introduced to dave
I would shake his hand and when his guard is down punch him square in the face, that will teach him!
Maybe i should ask this again, what do you do if the thread dies?
Make some wire.
What would you do if this thread was really ill, but could not die?
mikehuntsloose
Jun4-03, 06:25 PM
Id send it where my grandpa is, the old folks home.
What would you do if you woke up as President Bush?
Originally posted by mikehuntsloose
Id send it where my grandpa is, the old folks home.
What would you do if you woke up as President Bush?
shoot myself!
what would you do if you couldn't do anything? (eh, eh! i got you there!)
Originally posted by maximus
what would you do if you couldn't do anything? (eh, eh! i got you there!)
Nothing. HA!HA!
What do you do if there is a pinecone stuck in your nose?
Originally posted by J-Man
Nothing. HA!HA!
What do you do if there is a pinecone stuck in your nose?
Sneeze, of course.
What do you do if sneezing doesn't work?
I would hit myself on the back of my head repeatedly until it popped out!
What would you do if you had the powers of spiderman?
Originally posted by Andy
I would hit myself on the back of my head repeatedly until it popped out!
What would you do if you had the powers of spiderman?
Make out with Kirsten Dunst, while hanging upside down...duh!
What do you do if you find out that you are "the one" (as in The Matrix).
Get in lots of pointless fights with people who are twice the size of me just so that i look tough without giving away my superior abilities!
What do you do if you have a tazmanian devil chewing on your leg?
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if you have a tazmanian devil chewing on your leg?
i'd find a tazmanian angel and have it chew on the other.
what would you do if you grew a foot from your face?
maximus asked:
what would you do if you grew a foot from your face?
It'd probably end up in my mouth. Ugh!
What do you do if your foot is in your mouth?
Originally posted by J-Man
It'd probably end up in my mouth. Ugh!
What do you do if your foot is in your mouth?
You learn to stop contradicting yourself (thus not "sticking your foot in your mouth" anymore).
What do you do if you only have three days left to live?
iansmith
Jun6-03, 02:45 PM
Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if you only have three days left to live?
Do everything I wanted to do (I won't do a list because some element are not for this forum) and just don't care about the consequences such as boring a lot money to do everything I want.
What would you do if your are still alive after three days and have one more year to live?
Originally posted by iansmith
Do everything I wanted to do (I won't do a list because some element are not for this forum) and just don't care about the consequences such as boring a lot money to do everything I want.
What would you do if your are still alive after three days and have one more year to live?
I'd continue with my life the way I have for the past 15 years.
What would you do if you had the machine from "Battlefield Earth", that allows you to learn all of the knowledge of the Psychloes, by sitting in front of a sort of light beam all day?
cmdr_sponge
Jun9-03, 04:27 PM
buy some big sunglasses
what would you do if you could only eat celery?
I would learn all there is to know about everyone! and once i know this i will blackmail loads of people and get loadsa money!
What do you do if you have a permanent sign on your back that cant be covered up that says " Punch me in the back of the Head because im an idiot!"?
cmdr_sponge
Jun9-03, 04:33 PM
buy a crash helmet
what would you do if you could only eat celery? [g)]
cmdr_sponge
Jun9-03, 04:44 PM
what would u do if u accidently killed this thread by not writing a question after ure answer?
Pauly Man
Jun9-03, 08:53 PM
I don't know?
Pauly Man
Jun9-03, 08:54 PM
D'OH!!!!
I mean. What would you do if the joke you thought would work well backfired?
Zargawee
Jun10-03, 03:25 AM
What would you do if the joke you thought would work well backfired?
Do it backfired [:)]
What do you do if smilies were forbidden to use ?
I would turn that smile upside down into a frown!
What do you do if ur a walking telephone box?
cmdr_sponge
Jun10-03, 02:21 PM
call for help
what would you do if u were rubber duck
Originally posted by cmdr_sponge
call for help
what would you do if u were rubber duck
Nothing, I'd be a rubber duck. Well, maybe I'd sing the "rubber ducky" song a little, when no one was around, but otherwise...nothing.
What would you do if you were visited by an alien from the fourth dimension?
dont let sponge get started on the fourth dimension!
where is the question?
what do you do if there is no question?
My answer wasnt supposed to answer his question, i was kinda hoping that the cmdrsponge would come online and answer that question about the fourth dimension i know he loves it so much!
and to answer your question you just sit down and shut up!
what do you do if your head gets stuck inbetween automatci doors?
i will change them to manual and open them manually and get my head out [8)]
maximus
Jun10-03, 08:10 PM
Originally posted by MSI
i will change them to manual and open them manually and get my head out [8)]
you didn't post a question, so i'll use your signature: the vaccum created by the sucking of life is proportional to the pressure created by its blowing effect, thus negating the two.
what do you do if you can't think of a good question?
i will not post...
what do you do?
maximus
Jun10-03, 08:34 PM
Originally posted by MSI
i will not post...
what do you do?
i post.
what do you do when your cat won't get out of the garbage?
ohh my cat don't go to that places and if so i will leave it their !!! or maybe i will get it and give her the most thing she hate i will give her a shower
what do you do if you lost your cat?
maximus
Jun10-03, 08:46 PM
Originally posted by MSI
ohh my cat don't go to that places and if so i will leave it their !!! or maybe i will get it and give her the most thing she hate i will give her a shower
what do you do if you lost your cat?
i have a feeling english isn't a first for you, or that you really have gramatical problems you need to sort out.
but, if i lost my cat i'd look for a new one. (or at least a less old one)
what do you do if you a large pigeon wanders into your house, tells you its name is Sam, and askes you to go with it to Ever Ever place, where you never grow young?
maximus
Jun10-03, 08:51 PM
so, where are you from, MSI? cause i doubt it's the moon.
for english i am really weak in english ... i don't know why i always tried to be good at english but didn't succeed ....
i am from israel but as i become muslim i lift my family and go to jordan then i went to the moon [;)] and some times to mars they are more cool creats [:)]
back to topic please or zargawee will kill me
what do you do if you a large pigeon wanders into your house, tells you its name is Sam, and askes you to go with it to Ever Ever place, where you never grow young?
I have never heard of Ever Ever land so i think i would ask the large pigeon to take me to Never Never land! lol
What do you do if you had vision like cyclops from x-men, but u didnt have his special glasses, and wanted to look at your girlfriend that you love very much?
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if you had vision like cyclops from x-men, but u didnt have his special glasses, and wanted to look at your girlfriend that you love very much?
I'd make some special glasses so that I could look at her. Unless I felt lazy that day, then I'd just fry her and get a new girlfriend...
What do you do if your girlfriend is Rogue and you want to touch or kiss her?
maximus
Jun11-03, 02:17 PM
Originally posted by J-Man
What do you do if your girlfriend is Rogue and you want to touch or kiss her?
i'd spray her down with rubber cement and then i could touch her. but i don't know, rouge was pretty hot. i'd probobly just indure the horrible pain.
what do you do if adamanium claws sprout out from your knuckles?
cmdr_sponge
Jun11-03, 04:21 PM
use em like heir meant to be used and go on a rampage
what would u do if adamantium claws sprouted from ure ***?
maximus
Jun11-03, 04:23 PM
Originally posted by cmdr_sponge
what would u do if adamantium claws sprouted from ure ***?
i would look for surgical removal. but meanwhile, i would go on a rampage, destroying every toilet bowl in my path!!!
[<:)]
what do you do if you really have to go to the bathroom, but your toilet bowl is all messed up?
I would go toilet in the nearest fish tank and tell all of my guests that it is a very rare endangered species of fish that only live in my fishtank!
What do you do if you fall into a bin headfirst and cant get out of it?
Originally posted by maximus
i would look for surgical removal. but meanwhile, i would go on a rampage, destroying every toilet bowl in my path!!!
[<:)]
what do you do if you really have to go to the bathroom, but your toilet bowl is all messed up?
Use your adamantium butt-claws to dig yourself a hole outside.
What do you do if you are with someone who you know can read your mind?
Originally posted by Andy
I would go toilet in the nearest fish tank and tell all of my guests that it is a very rare endangered species of fish that only live in my fishtank!
What do you do if you fall into a bin headfirst and cant get out of it?
Give up and learn to live off garbage.
(My next question is on my previous post).
maximus
Jun11-03, 04:29 PM
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if you fall into a bin headfirst and cant get out of it?
a bin of what? us americans don't understand your english lingo. but if you're talking about a trash-bin, i would cut out eye holes and paint a cheery face on it. i could make myself very handsom.
what do you do if you don't want to do the dishes, but you have to?
maximus
Jun11-03, 04:37 PM
Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if you are with someone who you know can read your mind?
i'd think the opposite of what i would usually think, and occasionally throw random word into my thoughts, just to throw them off. but if this didn't work, i'd be completly honest and try not to think of anything embarrasing.
Originally posted by maximus
a bin of what? us americans don't understand your english lingo. but if you're talking about a trash-bin, i would cut out eye holes and paint a cheery face on it. i could make myself very handsom.
what do you do if you don't want to do the dishes, but you have to?
Man! I keep on answering at the same time as someone else. This is the second time in a row!
Start breaking dishes, and the person who's making you do them wont want you to do them anymore (stolen idea from Shel Silverstein, but oh well).
My question is found on the post before my last one.
Originally posted by maximus
i'd think the opposite of what i would usually think, and occasionally throw random word into my thoughts, just to throw them off. but if this didn't work, i'd be completly honest and try not to think of anything embarrasing.
Good idea. What's your next question?
maximus
Jun11-03, 04:40 PM
ahh, but i've already answered it! (and my question is also the one before my last post.)
maximus
Jun11-03, 04:41 PM
Originally posted by Mentat
Good idea. What's your next question?
damn! we're posting at the same time!
my next question is: what would you do if you could not type the letter 'e'?
Originally posted by maximus
damn! we're posting at the same time!
my next question is: what would you do if you could not type the letter 'e'?
If you insist that I should xplain it to you, thn I will. Howvr, you might not undrstand what I man. You s, the nglish languag is rathr dpndnt on th lttr "".
What would you do if I didn't ask you another question?
I wouldnt answer another question.
What would you do if you couldnt type?
maximus
Jun11-03, 04:57 PM
Originally posted by Andy
What would you do if you couldnt type?
then i'd write.
what would you do if knew that you could not fail?
Originally posted by maximus
then i'd write.
what would you do if knew that you could not fail?
I'd fail, to prove you wrong.
What would you do if I asked you to resolve the Paradox of Existence?
maximus
Jun11-03, 05:08 PM
Originally posted by Mentat
What would you do if I asked you to resolve the Paradox of Existence?
i wouldn't solve it, just to prove you right/wrong! ha!
what would you do if i asked you to describe the universe completly?
Originally posted by maximus
i wouldn't solve it, just to prove you right/wrong! ha!
what would you do if i asked you to describe the universe completly?
I would repeat my request to have the PoE explained to me [;)].
What would you do if someone came up to you and said "you're really smart, you should be able to answer *such-and-such (extremely complicated) question* for me."
Send them to france that will teach them to stop asking such stupid questions!
What do you do if you run out of ink in your favourite pen and you cant refill it?
maximus
Jun11-03, 05:58 PM
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if you run out of ink in your favourite pen and you cant refill it?
take the useless pen and frame it up on a wall, so that you may always remeber how special it was to you.
what do you do if a frenchmen came to your house and demanded you give him your favorite pen?
I would give it to him alrite! directly inbetween his eyes and then i would fill it up with his blood! (bit extreme i know but he's french!)
What do you do if you want to start an anti french religion/cult?
maximus
Jun11-03, 06:09 PM
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if you want to start an anti french religion/cult?
ask your local congressman. man, you have some deeply rooted hatred.
what do you do if all you want to do is create peace on earth between all people? (including the french)
username
Jun12-03, 02:12 AM
Threaten them all with nukes.
What would you do if you only had one leg and just a bicycle to get home?
Originally posted by username
What would you do if you only had one leg and just a bicycle to get home?
Sell the bicycle, use the money to get drunk and then call a cab. Actually, I'd probably have someone else call a cab for me as there seems to be 37 1/2 buttons on the phone instead of the usual 12.
What do you do if you only have one leg, spent all your bicycle money, are too drunk to breath and nobody will call a cab for you?
iansmith
Jun13-03, 12:04 PM
Originally posted by J-Man
What do you do if you only have one leg, spent all your bicycle money, are too drunk to breath and nobody will call a cab for you?
Pass out in a dumpster [:)] (Actually one of my friend did that once)
What you do if you wake up in dumpster and it smelled like bacon and eggs?
Hey that happens to me all the time anyway so i would just go to college regardless.
What do you do if your building a house or something else from bricks and you accidently brick yourself into a wall and cant get out?
Originally posted by Andy
Hey that happens to me all the time anyway so i would just go to college regardless.
What do you do if your building a house or something else from bricks and you accidently brick yourself into a wall and cant get out?
Stand there contemplating the mysteries of the Universe - one which is how in the world you can "brick yourself into" a wall.
What do you do if you don't do what you would have done if you did?
I wouldnt have done what i did?[g)]
What do you do if you've tried answering a question but think you have completely screwed it up?
Originally posted by Andy
I wouldnt have done what i did?[g)]
What do you do if you've tried answering a question but think you have completely screwed it up?
Well, you could re-ask the same question, and then hope someone else will give a better answer.
What do you do if your mom wont let you have more than an hour of internet usage per day?
leave home or send her off to an old peoples home!
What would you do if there was a new government law that say you can only use the internet for 1 hour perday?
Originally posted by Andy
What would you do if there was a new government law that say you can only use the internet for 1 hour perday?
Break the law of course.
What do you do if you're dreaming and you can't wake up?
iansmith
Jun14-03, 01:50 PM
Originally posted by J-Man
What do you do if you're dreaming and you can't wake up?
I would take the red pill!
What would you do if you did not like the consequence of the red pill ?
maximus
Jun14-03, 09:31 PM
Originally posted by iansmith
What would you do if you did not like the consequence of the red pill ?
regurgitate it, of course.
Originally posted by maximus
regurgitate it, of course.
Aren't you going to post the next question?
cmdr_sponge
Jun15-03, 04:15 PM
thats even worse than not posting a question. it should have been a what if question. c'mon people get back on track.
what if your house was made of sweets and gingerbread?
then say good bye to my house ...
just one hour will be enough to finish eating it [:))]
what do you do if there was 10 big rats in your house?
Originally posted by MSI
then say good bye to my house ...
just one hour will be enough to finish eating it [:))]
what do you do if there was 10 big rats in your house?
Feed them some of the sweets and ginger bread, and make pets out of them.
What do you do if you have a child and it is an evolutionary leap ahead of Homo sapiens sapiens?
cmdr_sponge
Jun19-03, 04:30 PM
kill it, competition aint good.
what would u do if in 1972 u were a special forces agent accused of a crime u didn't commit?
Hire a damn fine lawyer to fight my case for me!
What do you do if you get stuck inside a Vacumn Cleaner?
Zargawee
Jun19-03, 05:50 PM
try to commutate the Vaccum Cleaner electric circle [:P]
What do you do if we got a clone of you ?
I would take him away from you and use him to do all of my work for me so that i can laze about all day and do things that i want to do!
what do you do if you accidently swallow your mobile phone?
username
Jun21-03, 02:03 PM
Get somebody to ring your phone in the hope that the nauseous ring tone you put on the other day will cause it to be regurgitated.
What would you do if you where sleeping in a big washing machine and somebody closed the door and turned it on (heavy soil full wash cycle) ?
cmdr_sponge
Jun21-03, 04:58 PM
patent the ride before any theme parks get hold of it.
what would you do if u were the annoying advisor guy in theme park?
eNtRopY
Jun22-03, 04:59 PM
Originally posted by cmdr_sponge
what would you do if u were the annoying advisor guy in theme park?
Invent free chilli and rides for fat gross dudes day.
What would you do if you were in a hot tub with two supermodels and you suddenly had to take a sh:t really bad?
eNtRopY
Originally posted by eNtRopY
What would you do if you were in a hot tub with two supermodels and you suddenly had to take a sh:t really bad?
Probably wake up eventually....
What do you do if you turn into a werewolf?
Originally posted by J-Man
Probably wake up eventually....
What do you do if you turn into a werewolf?
Well, a usual wolf would sit around licking it's crotch until time to mate or hunt, but a werewolf would probably be powerful enough to do all three at the same! [6)]
What do you do if you turn into a vampire?
Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if you turn into a vampire?
Pretty much the same thing as the werewolfs... licking, mating, sucking the blood out of a hottie's neck.
What do you do if you're a vampire and can't reach your crotch with your tongue?
Originally posted by J-Man
Pretty much the same thing as the werewolfs... licking, mating, sucking the blood out of a hottie's neck.
What do you do if you're a vampire and can't reach your crotch with your tongue?
Get fired from the vampire society, as that is an indispensible skill for vampires.
What do you do if you can't find a computer with internet access and are experiencing withdrawl from the PFs?
I would try to get a life!
What do you do if you have this really horrible hateful little bear staring at you but not! i mean its stares at me when my back is turned but as soon as i look at it, it turns away! what do i do? please HELP!
Zargawee
Jun25-03, 09:59 AM
What do you do if you have this really horrible hateful little bear staring at you but not! i mean its stares at me when my back is turned but as soon as i look at it, it turns away! what do i do? please HELP!
I'd go to a psychologist to treat me [;)]
What do you do if have a allergy against water ( even drinking water ) ?
Originally posted by Zargawee
I'd go to a psychologist to treat me [;)]
What do you do if have a allergy against water ( even drinking water ) ?
Suffer the allergy. Water is essential to life, and an allergy isn't likely to kill you (unless it's really strong, in which case both choices are suicide).
What do you do if you are tossed into a lion's den?
Scratch it just behind the ear! they are supposed to love that.
What do you do if you are only 1 inch tall?
Sit down and think about how much it sucks to be 1 inch tall...
What would you do if you knew the truth about everything?
Lie my *** off!
What do you do if that little bear still looks at you?
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if that little bear still looks at you?
Poke his eyes out, then have a beer.
What do you do if you run out of beer?
cmdr_sponge
Jul5-03, 11:58 AM
apologise to beer for running out on them and try to make it up as soon as possible.
what would you do if you could only see behind you.
The Grimmus
Jul6-03, 08:03 PM
grow my hair like a reverse mullet wear my shirt backwoards and start messing with people ... as for sitting...i gusse i couldent get around sitting backwards. Or i could just wear optical lenses that transmit from 2 camreas wher my eyes should noramly be.
What would you do if you were a drivign school instructor who goes back in time for some reason
I would find all the families who were related to the punk teenagers I instructed and tell them to never have children!
What do you do if you're a ball turret gunner in World War II and the plane needs to make a belly landing because landing gear is busted?
Move to a different part of the plane for landing.
What do you do if stuck inside a really small bottle?
Originally posted by Andy
Move to a different part of the plane for landing.
What do you do if stuck inside a really small bottle?
Sit there and ponder how I ever fit into a really small bottle. Well, that'd be the philosophically correct thing to do. I would just be trying to figure out how to take a leak without drowning [;)].
What do you do if Wolverine (from X-Men) challenges you to a fight?
Take a really big pair of Nail clippers with me!
What do you do if you too stupid too realise that your leg has fallen off?
Originally posted by Andy
Take a really big pair of Nail clippers with me!
What do you do if you too stupid too realise that your leg has fallen off?
Duuuhh...I dunno.
What do you do if someone asks to experiment on your brain?
Ask for lots of money and also get a life insurance policy!
What do you do if you fell in love with a barbie doll?
cmdr_sponge
Jul8-03, 01:05 PM
start burning myself to prove to myself that i wasn't made out of plastic.
what if you couldn't be burnt?
Become a firefighter!
What do you do if you get sent backwards in time and came face to face with a Tyranosaurus Rex?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul8-03, 02:32 PM
Texas Bar'Be Q!
What would you do if you went forward in time, and met yourself, dieing?
einsteinian77
Jul8-03, 06:55 PM
I'd keep travelling forward through time
What would you do if you found out you were the only person with free will?
megashawn
Jul8-03, 08:57 PM
Tease all the non free will having sheep.
What would you do if you had 45 minutes left at work and you really need to get some work done but you found this crazy thread on the PF and couldn't will yourself away from it until you got to the end and posted something nice and witty?
**** that work i will leave it and come to post...
what do you do if you come and post and your manger fired you because you didn't do that work?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul9-03, 09:16 AM
Quit!............before he could fire me.
What do you do if you find yourself on fire, at the local refineries storage tank, site busy repairing leaks in the tanks?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you find yourself on fire, at the local refineries storage tank, site busy repairing leaks in the tanks?
you dive into the tanks, obviously!
what do you do if a certain someone is changing his avatar and title everyday now? (Mr. Robin Parsons)
Originally posted by maximus
you dive into the tanks, obviously!
what do you do if a certain someone is changing his avatar and title everyday now? (Mr. Robin Parsons)
Learn to live with it (or find out where he lives, sneak into his house at night, and...... [g)]).
What do you do if your pants fall off in the middle of a public place?
Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if your pants fall off in the middle of a public place?
balance it out by taking off your shirt.
what do you do if you zipper is down and you don't realize it for hours?
Originally posted by maximus
balance it out by taking off your shirt.
what do you do if you zipper is down and you don't realize it for hours?
Nothing until you realize it, duh! [:D]
What do you do if a genie comes to you and wishes for three things?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul10-03, 09:53 AM
Agree to grant the wishes, but stipulate that he must prove that he "does unto others as he would have done unto him", and he must go first proving that!
What do you do if the genies first wish is to have sex with your wife?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Agree to grant the wishes, but stipulate that he must prove that he "does unto others as he would have done unto him", and he must go first proving that!
What do you do if the genies first wish is to have sex with your wife?
Then you make your first wish (which you would get after following Mr. Parson's previous advice) that the genie undergo unimaginable testicular pain, every time he even thinks of your wife...[<:)].
What do you do if you are in the midst of very serious/heated debate, and you find a large flaw in your own reasoning, that no one else seems to have found?
Note: This has never happened to me (why do birds always like to land on my nose when it gets this big?) [;)].
maximus
Jul10-03, 12:09 PM
Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if you are in the midst of very serious/heated debate, and you find a large flaw in your own reasoning, that no one else seems to have found?
edit your posts!!!
what do you do if your you are exposed to gamma radiation, and you become the HULK?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul10-03, 01:17 PM
Go lookin for breakfast! a really BIG breakfast!
What do you do if you find yourself falling in love with something that you are not "legally allowed" to fall in love with?
(not in my life!!)
The Grimmus
Jul10-03, 02:08 PM
Buy a remote island so me and beassy can live in peace we will eat coco nuts and drink milk all day long
Your legs and arms whave swithc but your hands and feet are in their normal postion.
Join the ministry of Funny Walks.
What do you do if everytime you stand up you fall over again, landing on your nose everytime that you do it, whilst bouncing backwards and forwards because you nose is made from rubber and the back of your head is also made from rubber?
The Grimmus
Jul10-03, 04:30 PM
side show...definetly i would pay to see that
what would you do if you could make 1 thing...anything but only 1 of it
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul10-03, 05:28 PM
Make a replicator!
What would you do if you had a replicator?
The Grimmus
Jul10-03, 05:56 PM
replicate gold then flood the markets sprialing the world econmy into a down fall...then replacte a burrito
What would you do if u had 2 burrito's..
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul10-03, 06:01 PM
Eat them, wait for the gas, then blast off!
Can you achieve escape velocity using only self propelled methane exhaust?
megashawn
Jul10-03, 07:24 PM
Perhaps, if you could find away to contain it long enough. I once heard that if you could Fart for 8 years strait you would have released enough energy to rival the most powerful nucleur weapons.
So if a way of containing and controlling the gas could be devised, and safe ignition, perhaps.
What would you do if Jesus showed up at the next Ozzfest (Ozzy Ozbourne's yearly tour) and stole the microphone, only to ask who was bogarting the Bong?
I could be reffering to a beer bong, so nothing illegal going on.
[:D] [<:)] [zz)]
The Grimmus
Jul10-03, 09:23 PM
except Jebus stealing the mic...i would defently ask him to crowd surf with me and walk on bong water...beer bong...water...sir. Then watch as he mashes and cures people of their vomiting alements
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul11-03, 10:07 AM
Originally posted by The Grimmus
except Jebus stealing the mic...i would defently ask him to crowd surf with me and walk on bong water...beer bong...water...sir. Then watch as he mashes and cures people of their vomiting alements.
Then I would wonder why!
What would you do if you found yourself in the arms of your least favorite person, and they were just about to give you a slobbering tongue probbing?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Then I would wonder why!
What would you do if you found yourself in the arms of your least favorite person, and they were just about to give you a slobbering tongue probbing?
In the immoral words of Butt-head, "Is she hot?". I mean, come on! "Least favorite person" could just mean that their personality irritates you...
What do you do if you have get a massive tumor in the brain, and it gives you abilities like in "Phenomenon"?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul11-03, 12:17 PM
Change your responce to something a little friendlier (And give you an "Avatar")
What would you do if you could put words into other peoples mouths, such that, it appeared to be them speaking only what you wanted them to say?
EDIT "parenthetically spoken"
I would get them to say really stupid things and argue pointless arguements so that everyone else would think that they are really really sad.
What would you do if you where trapped inside a Poke Ball?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What would you do if you could put words into other peoples mouths, such that, it appeared to be them speaking only what you wanted them to say?
EDIT "parenthetically spoken"
Nothing... I prefer peace & quiet.
What do you do if the only words you know only contain 4 letters?
Originally posted by Andy
What would you do if you where trapped inside a Poke Ball?
Get out of course.
What do you do if all the words you know only contain 4 letters?
**** **** crap!
What do you do if your mind gets trapped inside a computer programme for ever!
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if your mind gets trapped inside a computer programme for ever!
Think logically.
What do you do if someone turns off the computer running your mind/program?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul11-03, 03:30 PM
Hibernate!
What would you do if you were trapped at the bottom of the Marianus trench, in a bathysphere, with two of the most beautiful people you could have ever wished having down there with you. ('good personalities' too, Mentat)
EDIT SCHPELLINGS
The Grimmus
Jul12-03, 09:59 PM
battle what trench of where...and what is people?
Well i would do the obvious eat them to stay alive
what would you do if i asked this: what woudl you do if you were buried alive with a match and some lighter fluid
I would get so high on the lighter fluid that i would float out of the ground!
What do you do if your looking for wood but cant find any?
cmdr_sponge
Jul13-03, 06:54 AM
lol
Ivan Seeking
Jul13-03, 07:19 AM
Originally posted by Andy
I would get so high on the lighter fluid that i would float out of the ground!
What do you do if your looking for wood but cant find any?
plant some trees and wait.
what do you do if you don't know what to do?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul13-03, 10:38 AM
Ask someone what to do!
What would you do if you couldn't find someone to ask? (your mom went home!)
brian0918
Jul13-03, 11:56 AM
Simplify the problem by considering the question to be a sphere, then pushing it down a frictionless hill.
What do you do if you're not old enough to drive, and the nearest frictionless hill is in Nebraska?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul13-03, 12:08 PM
Start Walking!
What do you do if you need to walk a million miles and you have no legs?
Bounce fool!
What do you do if somebody keeps refering to you without using your proper name?
The Grimmus
Jul13-03, 05:32 PM
Bust a cap
what do you do if you are out of caps
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul14-03, 08:59 AM
BOUNCE THE FOOL?
What do you do if someone cuts off both of your legs and tells you; "now you can go 'Bumming' around!"?
EDIT SPELL
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
BOUNCE THE FOOL?
What do you do if someone cuts off both of your legs and tells you; "now you can go 'Bumming' around!"?
EDIT SPELL
Bounce the fool again, and see if he finally gets the message.
What do you do if you have chronic urinary control problems, and have to give a 5-hour lecture, with no breaks?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul14-03, 03:21 PM
Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if you have chronic urinary control problems, and have to give a 5-hour lecture, with no breaks?
Why go to the washroom before you start, what else!
What do you do if your life has the apperance of a Fable, yet in reality, it is actually true!?? HUH??
megashawn
Jul14-03, 03:25 PM
Quit reading so many mythologies, so that my mind is not clouded into thinking my life is comparable to a fairy tale.
What do you do if you quit reading so many mythologys, and realize you don't like the cold hard truth that is reality?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul14-03, 03:29 PM
Then you learn how the 'Cold Hard truth' is really the "warm, and loving truth", as it arises from within you.
What would you do if you couldn't recognize truth at all?
The same thing i always do! Conquer the World!
What do you do if its really really hot(relative to what your used too and you have run out of fans in the house to use, and all of the windows are open?
megashawn
Jul14-03, 04:42 PM
Go make friends with someone that has AC.
What do you do if you have an ex-girlfriend that will not leave you alone? (Kinda like a Wayne's world typa problem.)
The Grimmus
Jul14-03, 10:00 PM
do what i did...on a completely un related note i am leaving the country very soon.
what would you do if you say killed soem one and the cops where after me...
The Grimmus
Jul14-03, 10:01 PM
i mean you...you'd think i would just edit that but no
The Grimmus
Jul15-03, 09:32 PM
havent heard that word in a while...
i would becoem non sexual by removing what ails me
what would you do if you dident have a knife to remove the two guys with?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul16-03, 12:08 PM
The expression "Never bring a Knife to a Gun battle" SprinGS to mind!
What would you do if you arrived at the Gun Battle, carrieing Nothing?
Wouldnt be much of a battle would it.
What do you do if ya get swallowed by Moby Dick?
Protagorus
Jul16-03, 04:41 PM
Rough it out in there, because that way he couldn't kill you
What would you do if you were Moby Dick and had someone roughing it out inside of you?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul17-03, 10:29 AM
Bust a CAP??
What would you do if you were Hunting Moby Dick, and you suddenly found yourself out of Caps, eBay?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What would you do if you were Hunting Moby Dick, and you suddenly found yourself out of Caps, eBay?
Naw... just go to the Cap store. It's right around the corner from the High Velocity Spear Shop. Then again, you could just get a high-velocity spear and save some walking.
What do you do if you find an alien in your closet?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul18-03, 12:16 PM
Ask him where his ship is, and can I borrow the keys for the weekend!
What do yo do if an alien has loaned you his spaceship for the weekend, but you haven't gotten a date yet cause you mouthed off about how "Liz Hurley's HOT!" and now your Mom won't let you go out this weekend?
I would recomend going and ****ing yourself.
What do you do if your a very sad old man without a home (or country)?
cmdr_sponge
Jul18-03, 05:18 PM
post increasingly strange posts on a physics website in a vein attempt to be noticed and feel like you matter.
what would you do if you didn't matter.
I might do this, "post increasingly strange posts on a physics website in a vein attempt to be noticed and feel like you matter".
But would probably make myself matter.
What do you do if you fancie one of the smilies.[t)] ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul18-03, 08:58 PM
Eat one!....(maybe more..).......
What do you do when your mom won't let you drink beer in your undershorts in the parlor, ya know in front of the tele?
I would go out with the lads to a nice pub/bar and find some foxy ladies to spend the nite with.
What do you do if you aint got know lads to go to the pub with and your forced to stay at home drinking beer on your own?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul19-03, 08:12 AM
Live Andy's life.
What do you do if your Mom keeps complaining to aaaaall of the neighbours, that you spent all of your time in front of the computer, surfing porn, and playing with your wang'y?
Live robs life.
What do you do if your a very sad old man that has no job no home no country and no life?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul19-03, 08:24 AM
Live andy's future.
What would you do to get an idiot to accept a simple truth?
Been trying to work that out myself.
What do you do if you have argued about other people's immaturity only to be be brought down to their level?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul19-03, 02:07 PM
Remeber my youth, back when there were no computers, no internet, no surfing porn sites, stuff like that, how ignorant I truly had been, back at that age, not even bright enough to recognize it myself, only God helped me to "see it" 'in' myself, saved me..........from myself!
What would you do if, at eighteen years of age, you found out you were really only arguing with yourself, and had never been doing anything else but that!, what would you do??
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Remeber my youth, back when there were no computers, no internet, no surfing porn sites, stuff like that, how ignorant I truly had been, back at that age, not even bright enough to recognize it myself, only God helped me to "see it" 'in' myself, saved me..........from myself!
What would you do if, at eighteen years of age, you found out you were really only arguing with yourself, and had never been doing anything else but that!, what would you do??
Well, I guess there isn't much you can do, since you'll argue whatever decision you try to make [;)].
What do you do if all your friends have been bragging you up, to someone who's approval you really want, but they haven't exactly been completely truthful (perhaps saying that you could do some things that you really can't)?
I would do those things that a apparently can do until a do something really stupid and then pretend to be hurt so that the person i am trying to impress (guessing this is a girl) feels sorry for me.
What do you do if the powers that be decide that you are no longer needed on this planet?
Ivan Seeking
Jul20-03, 06:59 AM
Originally posted by Andy
I would do those things that a apparently can do until a do something really stupid and then pretend to be hurt so that the person i am trying to impress (guessing this is a girl) feels sorry for me.
What do you do if the powers that be decide that you are no longer needed on this planet?
Go to Disneyland!
And what if Micky Mouse hits on your girlfriend?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul20-03, 07:55 AM
Ya call Minnie!
What do you do if your lost?
Ivan Seeking
Jul20-03, 07:57 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Ya call Minnie!
What do you do if your lost?
Ya call Minnie!
And if Minnies not home?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul20-03, 08:26 AM
PHONNNE HOOOMMME
What do you do when you cannot figure out where your 'interior' (in YA!) phone, actually is, and you have left it unhooked, it is blasting the alarm signal, in you?
cmdr_sponge
Jul20-03, 03:50 PM
ask your mum to help
what would you do if everything was made out of string?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jul20-03, 04:08 PM
Realize that I was living in a world that was "All strung out", and buy a pair of sissors.
What would you do if you were "All strung out"?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What would you do if you were "All strung out"?
Get knotted!
What do you do if you need to get knotted, but have run out of beer and/or friends who will buy you beer?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Aug5-03, 07:35 PM
Drink Scotch! (neat!)
What do you do if you run out of Scotch??
megashawn
Aug5-03, 07:49 PM
What do you do if you run out of Scotch??
Break out the everclear, can't beat 195 proof. You can even run a car off the stuff.
What do you do if you spill your everclear on an open flame?
Originally posted by megashawn
What do you do if you spill your everclear on an open flame?
Put on your flame-retardant underwear and hope for the best. Also tip the bottle up so it stops spilling or you'll have to make another trip to the liquor store.
What do you do if your flame-retardant underwear catches on fire?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Aug6-03, 04:33 PM
Hose 'em off.
What would you do if you couldn't find you way out of your own mind?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What would you do if you couldn't find you way out of your own mind?
Most people would probably opt for LSD, but I'd just take a nap.
What do you do if you need instructions on how to prepare a Pop-Tart?
Refer to the side of the box - there are actually instructions there.
What do you do if you are forced to go back to school in 1 and a half weeks?
Originally posted by Matt
What do you do if you are forced to go back to school in 1 and a half weeks?
I would ask my parents for some lunches money.
What do you do if you suddenly wake up one day and realize that all of your previous memory was just a dream?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Aug10-03, 11:40 AM
Forgetaboutit!
What do you do if, when 'forgettingaboutit' you can do nothing but remember it?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, when 'forgettingaboutit' you can do nothing but remember it?
Obviously you take forgettingaboutit lessons.
What do you do if you fail that class?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Aug11-03, 03:39 PM
Remember that you forgot to pass.
What do you do, if a croco'dile, swims into your bedroom, while you are making Sweeeeat love to the next door neighbour's partener?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep4-03, 07:28 PM
Ask another question!
What do you do if no one responds to your questions?
nucleartear
Sep5-03, 09:09 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if no one responds to your questions?
If only a 10-years-old boy talks with me and I'm his psychologist, I would begin to suspect that maybe I am dead.
What do you do if you begin to suspect that maybe you are dead?
zoobyshoe
Sep6-03, 04:01 AM
Originally posted by nucleartear
What do you do if you begin to suspect that maybe you are dead?
Stay alert to how you smell. If
you are dead it will become ap-
parent.
What do you do if you begin to
suspect you aren't dead but smell
like you are anyway?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Stay alert to how you smell. If
you are dead it will become ap-
parent.
What do you do if you begin to
suspect you aren't dead but smell
like you are anyway?
Take a shower.
What do you do if you go to take a shower, but the water is all brown?
zoobyshoe
Sep6-03, 05:19 PM
Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if you go to take a shower, but the water is all brown?
Look on the bright side: your
coffee will come out much richer,
and that pesky iron deficiency
will clear up.
What do you do if your pesky iron
deficiency turns out to be an
element 117 deficiency?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep7-03, 01:40 PM
Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if your pesky iron deficiency turns out to be an element 117 deficiency?
Eat some neutrons so you can fission it back down to iron!
What do you if you have to eat many neutrons, to be able to fission you element 117 meal down to (stable) iron, and you don't yet know just how many it is going to take?
selfAdjoint
Sep7-03, 09:52 PM
What do you if you have to eat many neutrons, to be able to fission you element 117 meal down to (stable) iron, and you don't yet know just how many it is going to take?
Just give it all up and go fission.
What do you do if you overshoot iron and wind up at element 12?
zoobyshoe
Sep7-03, 11:00 PM
Quit your job as a welder imme-
diately.
What do you do if a small boy with
a fourth of July sparkler starts
to chase you down the street?
Press and hold the Shift button, jump, turn arround in the air, pull out your 9mm and waste the little bugger... Oh, wait I finished that game...
What do you do if you have a gaming addiction?
zoobyshoe
Sep9-03, 05:44 AM
Originally posted by Sonty
What do you do if you have a gaming addiction?
I betcha you don't.
What do you do if it feels like
its getting pretty close to
absolute zero outside but you
don't know how to read Kelvin
thermometer?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep9-03, 08:24 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if it feels like
its getting pretty close to
absolute zero outside but you
don't know how to read Kelvin
thermometer?
Place a call in to Mr. Rankin, he'll tell you the temps D'air.
What do you do if you can't really think up a question, so ya writes up yourselves a little blub that is humorous, but in doing that yuz discovers a question that emerges like that critter in the movie alien (but from you brain) not realizing that the question that you have asked is sooooooo difficult to respond to that in the entirety of all of the time that might remain, prior to someone actually taking the same amount of time to think up an "most excellant Answer" the question lines drops out of existence, but really because the question is like this one, too difficult to figure out an answer?
zoobyshoe
Sep9-03, 09:16 AM
Go down to skid row, find the most
hallucinated, delusional drunk you
can, and ask him for suggestions.
What do you do if the proof of
Fermat's theorem comes to you in
a dream but you can't remember it
when you wake up?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep9-03, 10:54 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the proof of Fermat's theorem comes to you in
a dream but you can't remember it when you wake up?
Go down to skid row, find the most hallucinated, delusional drunk you
can, and ask him to remember it for you!
What do you do if you think you have an answer (or two) to Fermat's last theorem, only to find out it actually isn't??
zoobyshoe
Sep9-03, 11:27 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you think you have an answer (or two) to Fermat's last theorem, only to find out it actually
isn't??
Go down to skid row and join the club. This is what drove them all
to drink.
What do you do if you wake up one
morning with binocular vision?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Go down to skid row and join the club. This is what drove them all
to drink.
What do you do if you wake up one
morning with binocular vision?
Rejoice that nothing has changed.
What do you if wake up one morning without binocular vision?
zoobyshoe
Sep9-03, 11:47 AM
Originally posted by Mentat
What do you if wake up one morning without binocular vision?
By a parrot and go to sea.
What do you do if you meant to
say telescopic vision but said
binocular instead?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
By a parrot and go to sea.
What do you do if you meant to
say telescopic vision but said
binocular instead?
You post the question as your next "what do you do".
What do you do if you wake up with telescopic vision? (sorry, couldn't help it.)
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep9-03, 12:11 PM
Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if you wake up with telescopic vision?
Bi a pair/2 of binoculars, so you can see in Binocular vision!
What do you do if you cannot afford the binocluars offered on e-bay?
zoobyshoe
Sep9-03, 12:16 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you cannot afford the binocluars offered on e-bay?
Duct tape and old telescopes.
What do you do if you wake up
one morning with eyes on the back
of your head?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep9-03, 02:24 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you wake up
one morning with eyes on the back
of your head?
Look Aroooound!
What do you do if you find yourself, lost, inside your own head?
zoobyshoe
Sep9-03, 02:57 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you find yourself, lost, inside your own head?
There's one of those "you are
here" kiosks on every sulcus
of the brain. Piece o' cake.
What do you do if you wake up in
the morning, look in the mirror
and see that you bear a certain
resemblance to the face on mars?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep9-03, 05:35 PM
Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and see that you bear a certain resemblance to the face on mars?
Definetly "M-O-I-S-T-U-R-I-Z-E" then, go back to sleep!
What do you do if, when you have fallen asleep, with your moisturizer on, you awake to find that you now have the collapsed waveforms of several goldfish, swimming on your facial expression, busily chasing, and eating, grey babies?
zoobyshoe
Sep9-03, 05:41 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, when you have fallen asleep, with your moisturizer on, you awake to find that you now have the collapsed waveforms of several goldfish, swimming on your facial expression, busily chasing, and eating, grey babies?
I wouldn't worry about it too
much. These things happen.
What do you do if you've been
there, but you haven't
done that?
hypnagogue
Sep10-03, 03:39 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I wouldn't worry about it too
much. These things happen.
What do you do if you've been
there, but you haven't
done that?
Just do it.
What do you do if you can't think of a more clever response to a 'what do you do if' question than spit out a sneaker slogan?
zoobyshoe
Sep10-03, 04:46 AM
Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if you can't think of a more clever response to a 'what do you do if' question than spit out a sneaker slogan?
Do the math and find out if you've
got milk.
What do you do if, while doing the
math you accidently discover it
is worth it to cry over
spilt milk?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep10-03, 08:47 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while doing the
math you accidently discover it
is worth it to cry over
spilt milk?
Get the math checked by a second to ensure it's veracity, then accept your Nobel Prize in Mathematics!
What do you do if, when you get the 'Nobel' in Math, you discover that, on the medallion, it has had the word "Physics" rubbed out!! and Math skeeeeratched into it??
hypnagogue
Sep10-03, 12:40 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, when you get the 'Nobel' in Math, you discover that, on the medallion, it has had the word "Physics" rubbed out!! and Math skeeeeratched into it??
You boast to all your friends about how your legendary proof conclusively shows that all of physics is reducible to the fundamental fluid dynamics of milk and its famous 'tear entanglement,' and indeed how this 'milk' is nothing more than a mathematical abstraction describing a probability wave of pouty sadness.
What do you do if your friends try to prove you wrong by showing you a physical demonstration of the pouring of supposedly 'physical' milk?
Astrophysics
Sep10-03, 01:07 PM
Well them they're wrong, since my proof is E = m*c^2, they wouldn't understand it anyway.
What do you do if you suddenly find out your friends turned out to be geniuses and know that you were trying to convince them with a not related to the subject formula?
hypnagogue
Sep10-03, 02:02 PM
Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if you suddenly find out your friends turned out to be geniuses and know that you were trying to convince with a not related to the subject formula?
You run man, you run, no sentimental good-byes, no time for packing your stuff, you just run out the door in the jackknife flashbang instant and don't even take the time to slam it behind you and just keep going, don't look back, never look back, if your socks don't match then you just stop looking, it don't matter anyhow-- just get out man, just get the hell out of there.
What do you do if you're running like the wind and you can't stop, oh God don't stop now they'll find you, and your shoelaces come untied?
Astrophysics
Sep10-03, 02:09 PM
Trip over and fall down, when I step on my shoelaces and try to run.
Maybe then my friends will feel sorry for me, because I can't tie my shoelaces correctly like a 5 year old.
What do you do if you turned out to be a 5 year old, while all the time u thought you were past that age.
hypnagogue
Sep10-03, 02:45 PM
Originally posted by Astrophysics
Trip over and fall down, when I step on my shoelaces and try to run.
Maybe then my friends will feel sorry for me, because I can't tie my shoelaces correctly like a 5 year old.
What do you do if you turned out to be a 5 year old, while all the time u thought you were past that age.
Having already received an education, you fingerpaint and play video games for the next 15 years while being financially supported by your parents-- who expects a 5 year old to work anyway?
What do you do if you're actually 25 years old but still all you do is fingerpaint and play video games while being financially supported by your parents?
Astrophysics
Sep10-03, 03:02 PM
Originally posted by hypnagogue
Having already received an education, you fingerpaint and play video games for the next 15 years while being financially supported by your parents-- who expects a 5 year old to work anyway?
What do you do if you're actually 25 years old but still all you do is fingerpaint and play video games while being financially supported by your parents?
You call yourself lucky and lazy...what a great life [:D].
What do you do if your parents told you it was time to get a life?
selfAdjoint
Sep10-03, 05:00 PM
Go to the librry and get them the magazine. (only if this happened back when LIFE was still publishing).
What do you do if you went and got a life, and it sucks?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep10-03, 05:43 PM
Originally posted by selfAdjoint
What do you do if you went and got a life, and it sucks?
You become a Vacuum cleaner salesperson who makes the BIG money by selling the best Sucker in the World, to the biggest sucker in the World, that, and that Bridge in New York!
What do you do if, you buy a bridge, in New York, and you find out that it's just a little bit to BIG for the Back Seat of your Pinto?
hypnagogue
Sep10-03, 06:41 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, you buy a bridge, in New York, and you find out that it's just a little bit to BIG for the Back Seat of your Pinto?
You sell your Pinto and buy an SUV. Nothing's too big for the back seat of an SUV!
What do you do if you're driving on the freeway and your SUV spontaneously tumbles over and your prized bridge breaks in half?
zoobyshoe
Sep11-03, 01:25 AM
Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if you're driving on the freeway and your SUV spontaneously tumbles over and your prized bridge breaks in half?
Reconfigure the bridge as an
enormous trebouche' and charge
people to fling them to the
location of their choice.
What do you do if your foot gets
caught in the sling of your treb-
ouche' and while you're flying
over Manhatten you are suddenly
aware of a military jet on your
port side whose pilot is signaling
that you should follow him back
to his base or he'll blast you
to pieces?
hypnagogue
Sep11-03, 02:07 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if your foot gets
caught in the sling of your treb-
ouche' and while you're flying
over Manhatten you are suddenly
aware of a military jet on your
port side whose pilot is signaling
that you should follow him back
to his base or he'll blast you
to pieces?
Whip out your pocket physics book and politely explain to the pilot with recourse to simple diagrams that the laws of physics strictly dictate the trajectory of your flight, so you can't comply. Failing that, toss out your Foo Fighters CD like a frisbee and hope it makes the pilot curious or frightened (works especially well if the pilot is a cat or government agent).
What do you do if in your spare time you calculate your landing point and figure out that you're going to wind up in the Bermuda Triangle?
zoobyshoe
Sep11-03, 04:35 AM
Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if in your spare time you calculate your landing point and figure out that you're going to wind up in the Bermuda Triangle?
This would be an excellent time to
recall that you have a good sized
chunk of element 126, Zoobinium,
in your pocket, which is the one
thing preventing you from using
your superpowers, and to discard
it.
What do you do if, after making a
safe landing in Baltimore, Mary-
land, you realize your left shoe
is still back in the sling of your
trebouche'?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep11-03, 09:07 AM
Originally asked by Zoobyshoe
What do you do if, after making a safe landing in Baltimore, Maryland, you realize your left shoe is still back in the sling of your trebouche'?
Start Hopping!
What do you do if, on your way hopping back to NYC, to retrive your lost left shoe, you wear out the right one?
hypnagogue
Sep11-03, 12:36 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, on your way hopping back to NYC, to retrive your lost left shoe, you wear out the right one?
You lift your other foot and just levitate all the way back.
What do you do if you're levitating above the East River when all of a sudden you realize that it's impossible to levitate?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep11-03, 02:49 PM
Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if you're levitating above the East River when all of a sudden you realize that it's impossible to levitate?
From the rumors that I've heard, you simply start walking.
What do you do if you cannot figure out how far it is from Queens, to back to Queens?
Astrophysics
Sep11-03, 03:06 PM
Simply use my super-hyper-modern navigation system that I always carry with me in my pocket.
What do you do if your super-hyper-modern navigation system turnes out to have AI and starts giving you false information just because it likes to tease you?
zoobyshoe
Sep13-03, 08:29 AM
Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if your super-hyper-modern navigation system turnes out to have AI and starts giving you false information just because it likes to tease you?
Get out your soldering gun and
your little baggies of spare
components and reconfigure it
into a laptop. Pawn the laptop,
buy bread and feed it to the ducks
in the pond at the park. Catch a
duck, take it to Chinatown, sell
it to a restaurant. Take the
Chinese money to the bank and
exchange it for Ruples. Go to a
Russian bookstore, buy a Russian
copy of Dr. Zhivago, sign the
name Boris Pasternak inside
in cyrilic script. Take it to the
Smithsonian and pass it off on
them as authentic. Then call it a
day.
What do you do if you're buying
a bag of pistachios and you are
shocked to see your own face
plastered on the cover of all
the tabloids around the register?
Astrophysics
Sep13-03, 08:48 AM
Astrophysics
Sep13-03, 08:51 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're buying
a bag of pistachios and you are
shocked to see your own face
plastered on the cover of all
the tabloids around the register?
Eat the pistachios and if they were good I'd go to a store and buy some more. If my face was still on the cover I'd know that they have finally cloned men and I'm either the clone or the original one.
What do you do if you find out that you're a clone and that the original person is really annoying and is nothing like you and people think that you're the original one?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep13-03, 08:54 AM
Originally posted by Astrophysics
Eat the pistachios and if they were good I'd go to a store and buy some more.
Buy a copy of the "rag" trade paper, as well, to have a photo of myself, that is to be used in the pending lawsuit for the invasion of privacy that has clearly occured.......all the while, eating the pistachios...............naturally!
What do you do if you "Ask a stupid quention...." in the "What do you do if....." forum??
Astrophysics
Sep13-03, 08:57 AM
Delete the message...
What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message....???
Astrophysics
Sep13-03, 09:02 AM
Originally posted by Astrophysics
Delete the message...
What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message....???
You post a message, tell everyone what you did in a what do you do if...question, reply to your own post and ask the question anyway.
What do you do if you found out that you're a clone and that the original person is really annoying and is nothing like you and people think that you're the original one?
zoobyshoe
Sep13-03, 09:03 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you "Ask a stupid quention...." in the "What do you do if....." forum??
Put yourself in an envelope and
mail it to Graceland: Elvis made
this very mistake numerous times.
What do you do if, when using a
vacuum cleaner to remove a song
that's been stuck in your head
for a month, you accidently suck
out every Christmas carol you know
and people start teasing you by
calling you "The Grinch Who Sucked
Christmas"?
Astrophysics
Sep13-03, 09:13 AM
You'd try to act more like Jim Carry.
What do you do if no one anwsered your question which you asked twice and you're getting confused because everything you thought was true is actually wrong....???
zoobyshoe
Sep13-03, 09:26 AM
Originally posted by Astrophysics What do you do if you found out that you're a clone and that the original person is really annoying and is nothing like you and people think that you're the original one? It's funny you should ask because
just the other day when I was
trying to delete a post that someone was in the process of responding to my answering machine started blinking and when I played
the message it said: "E.T. Phone
Clone!"
What do you do if you're sitting
there on a bench with a shotgun,
minding your own business, when
a CPA comes along and starts
hinting that the rocky road ice
cream you bought the night before
was some sort of gross extravag-
ance?
zoobyshoe
Sep13-03, 09:32 AM
Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if no one anwsered your question which you asked twice and you're getting confused because everything you thought was true is actually
wrong....???
You just suck that depressing
thought out of your head with a
vacuum cleaner.
What do you do if when you are
digging around in a rotten log
for grubs you break through into
an alternate universe by accident?
zoobyshoe
Sep13-03, 10:15 AM
Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message....???
What I usually do in this case is
crawl away on all fours to one of
my favorite gutters, lie down and
think about Bernouli's principle.
What do you do if you're about to
get on the Ferris wheel at the
state fair and a particularly
intense man comes up and starts
lecturing you on the spiritual
deliverance available only from
worship of the B-Flat Black Hole?
zoobyshoe
Sep13-03, 10:36 AM
Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message....???
With your left hand hold down the
Ctrl and Alt keys. With your right
hand push the mouse firmly into
whichever of your nostrils you
deem to be largest. With your
middle hand knock sharply on your
scull twice over the anterior
parietal lobe, left side. In about
45 seconds all hell will break
loose.
What do you do if you are crawling
on all fours to your favorite gut-
ter for a nap and you suddenly
notice there is a large Wildebeast
laying in your spot?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep14-03, 09:07 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are crawling on all fours to your favorite gutter for a nap and you suddenly notice there is a large Wildebeast laying in your spot?
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question... You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
What do you do if you cannot answer your own question??
zoobyshoe
Sep14-03, 03:01 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you cannot answer your own question??
Wake up and smell the sound of
one hand clapping.
What do you do if a lazy UPS
driver delivers a sperm whale
carcass to your home when you're
out and forges your signature to
the delivery invoice to avoid
having to pick it up again and
deliver it to the proper, but more
remote, adress?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep16-03, 01:00 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if a lazy UPS driver delivers a sperm whale carcass to your home when you're out and forges your signature to the delivery invoice to avoid having to pick it up again and deliver it to the proper, but more remote, adress?
Call all of your friends over for the Bar'B'Q!
What do you do if, you have only 9 Metric tonnes of food, and thousands, upon thousands, of friends to feed?
Learn to be less popular.
What do you do if you find you can walk on water?
zoobyshoe
Sep16-03, 05:22 PM
Originally posted by FZ+
What do you do if you find you can walk on water?
It's funny you should ask, because
that actually happened to a Polish
Aviator of my acquaintence, at
least, thats how he tells it.
Normally, though, when he mentions
his various superpowers, it is an
indication his Delerium Tremmens
has kicked in, and the best thing
I can do for him is to provide the
hair of the dog that bit him. I
have to get him back to the air-
port, into the cockpit of whatever
commercial airliner is about to
take off where he will recieve all
the free martinis he needs.
What do you do if you're in the
lobby of the airport and are
approached by a trio of intense
bald men wearing sheets or blankets or something, who begin to tell you about the personal and
professional salvation available
in this and all perpendicular
dimensions through the teachings
of guru Dob Bod, The Palindrome
Boy and Manager of the shipping
department at Sears?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep17-03, 08:12 AM
Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're in the lobby of the airport and are approached by a trio of intense bald men wearing sheets or blankets or something, who begin to tell you about the personal and professional salvation available in this and all perpendicular dimensions through the teachings of guru Dob Bod, The Palindrome Boy and Manager of the shipping department at Sears?
Ascribe within!
What do you do if you learn how to Ascribe Within, only to find out that the "palidromer" (Dob Bod) is realistically a reversal of the mirror image of the duplicates, replication of, it's own image, and you see a cat (Feline) jumping over the Moon, in the background? Tell me, Just what do you do????
zoobyshoe
Sep17-03, 10:57 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you learn how to Ascribe Within, only to find out that the "palidromer" (Dob Bod) is realistically a reversal of the mirror image of the duplicates, replication of, it's own image, and you see a cat (Feline) jumping over the Moon, in the background? Tell me, Just what do you do????
With practice persons can learn
to resemble photographs of them-
selves. The cat in the background
is a disturbing image, leaping
over the moon like that. Try
elevating it's height above the
horizon so that next time it won't
be able to get over it. There is
also a big problem with cats and
christmas trees, but I haven't
foud a solution yet.
What do you do if you log onto
PhysicsForums one morning and
suddenly realize you have entered
a perpendicular universe where
things are classified and arranged
very differently from the way they
are in your universe, but the same
usernames seem to be represent-
ational of the same personalities
as they are in your universe?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep17-03, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you log onto PhysicsForums one morning and suddenly realize you have entered a perpendicular universe where things are classified and arranged very differently from the way they are in your universe, but the same usernames seem to be representational of the same personalities as they are in your universe?
Quick, first call a mentor, (Use the "Alert Mentor" System!) and ask them if, in this universe, deleting your posts actually arises in creating entirely new works, with your name on them, that you never ever bothered to type!!
What do you do if, every time you 'post' a 'post', it is 'deposted' by a 'deposter'(er)??
zoobyshoe
Sep17-03, 06:26 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, every time you 'post' a 'post', it is 'deposted' by a 'deposter'(er)??
Depose the deposter and deposit
his deposition at the depot.
What do you do if, when you're
crawling on all fours toward the
Gugenheim Museum for the opening
of their new exhibit of your
paintings, it suddenly occurs to
you that you're not sure that
event has been copied over from
the last perpendicular universe
you were in where it had original-
ly been arranged?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep18-03, 09:07 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, when you're crawling on all fours toward the
Gugenheim Museum for the opening of their new exhibit of your paintings, it suddenly occurs to you that you're not sure that
event has been copied over from the last perpendicular universe
you were in where it had originally been arranged?
You take a transverse viewpoint in opposition to the tangential reflection of the inverted trans^cis^dis spatialzation of the morphic, to see if it really was your painting(s) that were displayed, (given the temporallities of perpendicular universes, they may have already morphed) rather then simply an isomorphic interpretation of the events histologically historic result.....or look under the rug, one or the other.
What do you do if zoobyshoe writes out one of those "Amazing but True" stories, and you suddenly realize that "The Zoob" is actually plagerising your life in "fractured" fiction??
zoobyshoe
Sep18-03, 10:27 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if zoobyshoe writes out one of those "Amazing but True" stories, and you suddenly realize that "The Zoob" is actually plagerising your life in "fractured" fiction??
I can only speculate. Chimpanzees and the works of Shakespeare? Read
also what I posted in the thread
in "physics" I think it is called
in this perpendcular universe
about the idiosynchratic percept-
ion of order. (Thread started by
Ivan-can't remember the name). Is
there some kind of "Sync" develop-
ing here, resulting from the un-
conscious gathering of bits and
pieces of info unconsciously put
into posts? "The Zoob" has no
conscious knowledge that any "Ama-
zing but True" shaggy dog story
he has posted is anything but the
creation of his general dementia
and imaginative twisting of
stories in the public domain,
(such as the film "Shine" in which
the main character collapses
onstage at the end of his thesis
performance of the Rachmaninov 2).
Therefore "The Zoob" himself would
be more startled than anyone else
to discover any more-than-coinci-
dental resemblence between his
byzantine meanderings and the real
life of any actual living person,
(unless the actual subject of that
film who is a real person residing
on the continent of Australia,
happened to decide to pretend he
was a Canadian gentleman, which
would be his prerogative, but I
very much doubt it because that
person would be unlikely to have
an interest in physics).
Private communication?
Close enough to seem like
plagarism? I can't account for it.
Don't have a clue.
What do you do if you're crawling
on all fours back toward the
portal into the perpendicular
dimension from which you came and
you can't remember upon which axis
to rotate to enter the portal?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep18-03, 10:59 AM
Originally asked by Zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're crawling on all fours back toward the
portal into the perpendicular dimension from which you came and
you can't remember upon which axis to rotate to enter the portal?
Stand up! take a measure of your current position, multiply the X axis vector by 42, the y vector by half of that, and then follow the Z axis along the lines projected from the previous measures, (Stop and enjoy a 'Nice Beverage' while doing this, it is refreshing) as long as you have summed all of the vectors properly, you will arrive at the place you departed, within several parsecs of time, and be met by the "greeting" party (careful!!) as they endevour to assure you that you have followed the right pathway, to the Stars! (Say "Hi!!" to "The Zoob" for me when you get there, will ya?)
What do you do if while exiting the dimensional portal, you fnd that your math was off, and you, instead of meeting "The Zoob" meet "The Booz"??
zoobyshoe
Sep18-03, 11:30 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
[QUOTE]What do you do if while exiting the dimensional portal, you fnd that your math was off, and you, instead of meeting "The Zoob" meet "The Booz"??
Unlikely. You might, however,
encounter "booZ ehT", although
even that is subject to further,
Vanna White-like flipping.
What do you do if the unlikely
happens, you meet "The Booz",
you remember that part of the
directions provided by a friendly
passerby were to have a drink, you
drink "The Booz", then remember
that You are "The Zoob"
and have just quaffed your own
perpendicular alter ego?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep18-03, 12:02 PM
Originally Asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the unlikely happens, you meet "The Booz", you remember that part of the directions provided by a friendly passerby were to have a drink, you drink "The Booz", then remember that You are "The Zoob" and have just quaffed your own perpendicular alter ego?
Quick Run to the bathroom and have a great big **** and hope like Mad that your perpendicular ego survives the passage. If they do, congrats to them and the two of you should have a nice time, if not, Ooooops youse in BIG trouble NOW!!
What do you do if you don't know what to do, if??
zoobyshoe
Sep18-03, 12:24 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you don't know what to do, if??
If "if" happens, (again, not
likely), the main focus of your
concentration should be to recall
what Einstein said to Feynman:
"Young man, where are they serving
tea?" to which Feynman responded.
What do you do if you can't tell
if you have momentum or are inert?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep18-03, 01:24 PM
Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you can't tell if you have momentum or are inert
Take a test, spin yourself, interdimensionally, to see if the perpendicular dimension is still obvious to you, if yes, then you are inert, if no, well, have fun! (Cause you is LOST!)
What do you do if you is lost??
zoobyshoe
Sep18-03, 01:50 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you is lost??
It's funny you should ask that
question because a Polish aviator
of my acquaintence once gave me the following advice to remember
if I should ever be piloting a 747
over the Bermuda Triangle and find
myself sucked into a perpendicular
universe: "Ttthhhizzzhhhh wwwhhhh
yyyy toooo suummpt..suuummmptin
rowwwnd n sssssortaaah...whaaa???
Ohhh tthhuh tss riiite."
What do you do if you're crawling
on all fours toward the 747 you
are scheduled to pilot over the
Bermuda Triangle, just about un-
able to contain your enthusiasm
over the prospects of the non-stop
flow of Martinis you evision to
be in your immediate future, when
all of a sudden you realize you
have been mispronouncing the word
"foliage" for years?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep19-03, 08:41 AM
Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're crawling on all fours toward the 747 you
are scheduled to pilot over the Bermuda Triangle, just about unable to contain your enthusiasm over the prospects of the non-stop flow of Martinis you evision to be in your immediate future, when all of a sudden you realize you have been mispronouncing the word "foliage" for years?
Definately Exfoliate, then Moisturize, then while flying your 747 over the Bermuda triangle, look down, see if you can find my boat, cause I lost it, with all hands, (cept me, naturally...SHHHH!) while I was exploring for that lost wreck's treasure that we fouXXXooops I mean that we were trying to find, that contained all of the silver dollars and gold coins, and that really really nice broach, the *Diamond* one, looks F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S baby, and return it all to me at PO Box # 12345678910 Station XQZ, via interdimensional portal, as I am vacationing in the perpendicular dimension at present........THANKS!!!!!!!
What do you do if your mail doesn't seem to be making it through to you?
zoobyshoe
Sep19-03, 08:56 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your mail doesn't seem to be making it through to you?
Given the fact the person who
seems most interested in sending
me things is the Unabomber, I
am content.
What do you do if you're repelling
off the side of Mt. Rushmore and
you notice that some vandal has
chipped the words "Do you realize
how far you are from the nearest
toilet?" into the side of Jeffer-
son's forehead?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep19-03, 10:08 AM
Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're repelling off the side of Mt. Rushmore and
you notice that some vandal has chipped the words "Do you realize
how far you are from the nearest toilet?" into the side of Jeffer-
son's forehead?
Haul out your erasor and erase the graffiti, first, then, prove that how far away you are, from any given toilet, is irrelevant. (cleanses the rock I hear)
What do yo do if you are caught "cleansing" the side of Jefferson's forehead?
zoobyshoe
Sep20-03, 11:11 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do yo do if you are caught "cleansing" the side of Jefferson's forehead?
It's funny you should ask that
because once, when I was crawling
on all fours toward the neaest
bathroom, which was quite far
away, as the Zoobie crawls, it
occured to me that never once in
my life have I been stopped on the
street by someone who had mistaken
me for Thomas Jefferson.
What do you do if you are crawling on all fours across a road near
Loch Ness and a carload of tour-
ists stops and starts yelling, "It's Nessie!!!, It's Nessie!!"
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are crawling on all fours across a road near
Loch Ness and a carload of tour-
ists stops and starts yelling, "It's Nessie!!!, It's Nessie!!"
You head towards the water screaming: "That's it. Can't a sea monster go cleansing Jefferson's forehead in peace? Honey, get the ship out. We're moving."
What do you do if you wake up one morning realising you're starring in an underwater version of "Married. With children" called "Married. With nessies"?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep21-03, 08:26 AM
Originally posted by Sonty
What do you do if you wake up one morning realising you're starring in an underwater version of "Married. With children" called "Married. With nessies"?
PRAY that there is a God, and that, that God, left an exit in the Loch, that goes out to the Sea....Freeeeeeeedom!!
What do you do if you've been elected in the "Community Awards" polls as the most cantakerous/difficult/obnoxious/idiotic/cranially-vacant (but FUN) poster, in the entirety of the PF's, but find out later that you were the only person up for that award??
zoobyshoe
Sep21-03, 07:50 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you've been elected in the "Community Awards" polls as the most cantakerous/difficult/obnoxious/idiotic/cranially-vacant (but FUN) poster, in the entirety of the PF's, but find out later that you were the only person up for that award??
It's always best to seek a precident in classical literature for this kind of situation and in the above described case the works of Scabius Cankerus come to mind as the most likely place to seek solace :"May all ye who read this develop boils on your asses and may your children's parents live to see their grandfather's grandchildren have to sit in a bath of potash and brine for two and twenty days as I have done..."
What do you do if you're repelling
down the side of the statue of liberty and a little door in her breast suddenly opens revealing the intense face of a man who says "What do you think this is, Tuesday?"
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep22-03, 11:30 AM
Originally asked by zoobyshoe (as if y'all didn't know)
What do you do if you're repelling down the side of the statue of liberty and a little door in her breast suddenly opens revealing the intense face of a man who says "What do you think this is, Tuesday?"
You respond to him, "WHAT the HECK DOES THAT MATTER?" and wait to see if the intense look on his face dissappears. If it doesn't, then just keep repeling down and ignore the (expletive deleted), if his expression does change, then thank him for the forewarning, and remember that, on Tuesdays, there is an extra charge (SurTAX) for repeling down on the Statue Of Liberty!
What do you do if you find out it is actually Tuesday, you need to pay the Surtax, and you haven't got the money, so they are going to put you in "Sing-Sing", for life!!????????
Zargawee
Sep22-03, 12:55 PM
I can't Believe it that I'm posting in here Again ... It's been a long time , I hope you didn't forget me [:P]
What do you do if you find out it is actually Tuesday, you need to pay the Surtax, and you haven't got the money, so they are going to put you in "Sing-Sing", for life!!????????
well , Sing-Sing Is a good place , at least they serve food in there , don't they ?
What do you do if I told you that your life is just a joke , and you're dead now ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep22-03, 01:40 PM
Originally asked by Zargawee
What do you do if I told you that your life is just a joke , and you're dead now ?
Stop laughing, and go on with my life in a manner that precludes further jokes!
What do you do if you cannot go on with your life, everyone is still laughing, and the level of threats ("Bubba 'n the boys") against, you just went up nth fold??
zoobyshoe
Sep23-03, 07:15 PM
Originally whispered through a handkerchief stretched over the mouthpiece of a payphone at the back of a seedy bar by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you cannot go on with your life, everyone is still laughing, and the level of threats ("Bubba 'n the boys") against, you just went up nth fold??
Keep them busy by tipping their cows, pulling the glow plugs out of their tractors, and loosening the lug nuts on their pickup's tires.
What do you do if you're repelling down Le Tour Eiffel and you pass a native who pokes his companion and says, "Regard! Ce type a trois oreilles!"
Zargawee
Sep24-03, 03:11 AM
What do you do if you're repelling down Le Tour Eiffel and you pass a native who pokes his companion and says, "Regard! Ce type a trois oreilles!"
I will say :"Damn , Why I wasn't paying attention in Frensh language class [s(] "
What do you do if there's no MTV anymore ?
zoobyshoe
Sep24-03, 11:24 PM
Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if there's no MTV anymore ?
You crawl on all fours to the nearest library and say, "Please!
Teach me how to read!"
What do you do if the breast implant of a woman sitting next to you on a flight to Rio De Janeiro begins to pulsate in resonance with the craft's engines while she is napping untill it sqirms its way out of her low cut dress?
You try to quiet down the other thing that's pulsating in your pants by closing your eyes and thinking at that big statue you're heading towards. If that doesn't do it a few trips to the bathroom should.
What do you do if some constipated fellow blocks the bathroom and you're told to go back to your seat?
I would take a dump and hide it under my neighbors chair, telling the flight attendent he did it.
What would you do if you were skydiving and you realized your parachute and your backup parachute are both broken?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep25-03, 09:24 AM
Originally posted by rdn98
What would you do if you were skydiving and you realized your parachute and your backup parachute are both broken?
Look around, really fast, for the nearest Marshmellow farm, head for it, and a soft landing!
What do you do if you crawl out from underneath your sleeping rock, in the morning, and the light hitting your eyes is travelling at C2, blinding you to the fact that your rock was dimensionaly transposed, while you slept, into a dimension the is not only perpendicular to the original, but also several fold, many times, more dimensional then you have ever experianced before?
zoobyshoe
Sep25-03, 11:21 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you crawl out from underneath your sleeping rock, in the morning, and the light hitting your eyes is travelling at C2, blinding you to the fact that your rock was dimensionaly transposed, while you slept, into a dimension the is not only perpendicular to the original, but also several fold, many times, more dimensional then you have ever experianced before?
This sensation happens to me all the time and is nearly always the illusory result of having landed in a stack of marshmallows after both chutes failed while skydiving. A warm bath, and a nice cup of hot chocolate (with marshmallows) will reorient you.
What do you do if the breast implant of the woman next to you on a flight to Acapulco begins to vibrate enharmonically in response to some frequency being generated by the engines such that it begins to emit what sounds almost exactly like the bass line in measure 11 of Bach's Two-Part Invention # 14?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep25-03, 11:57 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the breast implant of the woman next to you on a flight to Acapulco begins to vibrate enharmonically in response to some frequency being generated by the engines such that it begins to emit what sounds almost exactly like the bass line in measure 11 of Bach's Two-Part Invention # 14?
First you need to place your ear right up to it to determine if the Baseline is in resonant hormony with your estimation of it, as opposed to some resonant harmonic that is engine driven. Once you have determined that it is, in fact, and in deed, the Breast that is generating the sound, take out your tuning fork and place the lower end of the fork against 'said' Breast as to determine if the harmonic is generating a secondary wavefront that will cause a complete discombobulation of the engines fuel input systems as to cause the crashing of the airplane, should the harmonic be allowed to continue. If it is generating the harmonic, then suckling at said Breat should dimish the harmonic as to ensure that all of the passengers are safe, if NOT then sit back, enjoy the ride, and the wonderful sounds of Bach!
What do you do if while enjoying the lovely harmony of breast generated Bach, you realize that you used the wrong tuning fork, the jet's fuel systems have just shut down, the plane is diving towards the Earth at greater then Mach speeds, and you only have a penknife with which to save the day?
zoobyshoe
Sep25-03, 01:12 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if while enjoying the lovely harmony of breast generated Bach, you realize that you used the wrong tuning fork, the jet's fuel systems have just shut down, the plane is diving towards the Earth at greater then Mach speeds, and you only have a penknife with which to save the day?
Since, in McGyver terms, having a penknife amounts to having an entire machine shop, you simply reconfigure your tuning fork to the correct frequency to get the fuel system back online, instruct the woman to apply it to her breast while tapping it, and crawl forward to the cockpit to coach the pilots on how to grow peanuts in magnesium poor soil while you take the controls and perform whatever entertaining acrobatics come to mind.
What do you do if, after landing safely, you discover that your quick thinking, expertise, and
heroism is neglected by the media in favor of an unwarranted focus on the silicon shenanigans that started it all?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep25-03, 03:48 PM
Originally quiried by someone who has climbed the highest mountains, swum the deepest Seas, and still hasn't told us if they are male of female
What do you do if, after landing safely, you discover that your quick thinking, expertise, and
heroism is neglected by the media in favor of an unwarranted focus on the silicon shenanigans that started it all?
Quickly grab the nearest microphone, proclaim yourself as an expert in the resonant harmonics of silicone implants, then place the woman down on the ground and begin explaining exactly, detail for detail, how her improperly placed implants, Had they been done originally by you, would never have generated the harmonic to affect the airplanes avionics systems in the manner that they did.
What do you do if after explaining all of that to the medai people present, they decide to make you Hero of the year, but you have completely lost it because you realize that you left your "Hero of the Year" suit, in your other bag??
zoobyshoe
Sep28-03, 09:50 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if after explaining all of that to the medai people present, they decide to make you Hero of the year, but you have completely lost it because you realize that you left your "Hero of the Year" suit, in your other bag??
It is comforting at times like this to be mindfull of the classical precidents, in particular, the words of the Latin life-commentator,Scabius Cankerous who said: "There is, among the Romans, a certain type of man who, after having given way to great agitation over his servant's having forgotten his spare toga, will calm his spirit and attempt to wear his wine
spill as if it were a greatly humorous spill, as if by adopting the manner of the clown he can turn attention from his embarrassment and put all at ease by inviting their laughter instead of withering beneath it. I call this type of man shameless, and would that all his togas bear the stain of the supporating ***-boil that stains my togas."
What do you do if you are the custodian of a building with a public restroom and some person unknown to you keeps plugging up the toilet by depositing stools of a size such that they they would more probably be compared to sequoya logs than anything reasonably expected to be produced by a human?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep29-03, 11:26 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are the custodian of a building with a public restroom and some person unknown to you keeps plugging up the toilet by depositing stools of a size such that they they would more probably be compared to sequoya logs than anything reasonably expected to be produced by a human?
AAAhhhhhhh, a problem I have readily tackled on several occasions as having lived in several domiciles wherein the larger of the occupants were quite capable of replications of the stump of the General Grant Giant Sequoia. Take a leasing contract at the local tool rental outlet, renting for yourself a JackHammer, a Portable Ice Drill, (with Augers, various sizes needed) and a large Air Compressor, capable of a minimium of seventy five CFM (75 Cubic Feet per Minute) with the associated footage of Hosing and nozzles.
Given the Equipment listed above, the rest of the Job is a self evident reality of sequential use, with the adjuncted reminder of wearing all of the saftey and Bio-Hazard gear that you can possibly find, (and the oxygen tanks too) and the prewarning to ensure that the contractor that you hired with the dump truck be quite prepared to have an adequate sized truck arrive as these people sometimes underestimate the actual, and real, need of space. (good for you in contracting for the price, really really bad if they don't haul it all away for YA)
What do you do if when your contractor shows up to haul away all of the fecal mess that you just excavated, and the dump truck they bring, is only a 'six wheeler', and you have enough to fill several semi dump trailers?
zoobyshoe
Sep29-03, 03:45 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons, Emperor of Toilets, and Master of Problematic Plumbing What do you do if when your contractor shows up to haul away all of the fecal mess that you just excavated, and the dump truck they bring, is only a 'six wheeler', and you have enough to fill several semi dump trailers? [/B]
Just evacuate the area and call in to headquarters for round the clock napalm treatment.
What do you do if, while cleaning the toilet, the lid on the water tank slides back and what appears to be a very small Native American pokes his head up and says: "Hey! What did I tell you about vasectomies!?"
zoobyshoe
Sep29-03, 03:56 PM
Strangely, I just noticed this:"...and still hasn't told us if they are male of female"
Yes, I am male of female, for even among zoobies there is nowhere else for males to come from other than females.
Mr. Robin Parsons
Sep29-03, 04:15 PM
Originally posted/asked by the Male of Females that is known as zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while cleaning the toilet, the lid on the water tank slides back and what appears to be a very small Native American pokes his head up and says: "Hey! What did I tell you about vasectomies!?"
Ooooooooops!! Obviously not enough!
What do you do if, a short native tells you about vasectomies, and not enough, such that, when you finish the job you started, you figure out, "Oooops tooooo much!"?
zoobyshoe
Oct1-03, 05:08 AM
Originally pondered during some kind of incapacitating brain fog by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, a short native tells you about vasectomies, and not enough, such that, when you finish the job you started, you figure out, "Oooops tooooo much!"?
Unbolt the toilet from the floor, pack it in a crate and send it to the U.S. Bureau Of Diminutive Native Management.
What do you do if, while you're innocently playing with squirting water into your ears and sending a voltage through your head from electrodes hooked to a common automotive battery you suddenly realize that if Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected governor of California there will be no more Terminator movies?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct1-03, 12:28 PM
Originally quired by a slightly electric zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while you're innocently playing with squirting water into your ears and sending a voltage through your head from electrodes hooked to a common automotive battery you suddenly realize that if Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected governor of California there will be no more Terminator movies?
Cheer??? Um, No ,um, I mean, wait! I didn't go yet, seeing as there is not enough voltage in a car battery to do anything to you (amperage Yes, but you cannot access it) the idea of sticking electrodes into your ear while wet sounds appetizing, especially if it can cause the arousal of such thoughts, so it would be recomended that you make certain that both of your feet are in something like a bathtub, while performing this feat of stupidity, just to ensure that you become aware of the differences 'tween "voltage" and "amperage", but make certain that you do NOT tip the battery over as that will result in a very serious acid burn, perhaps resulting in you asking a really really dumb question, like this...........
What do you do if while attempting to cause the arousal of the thoughts of Arnie no longer performing in "Terminator" movies, (he really was good in those wasn't he!) you slip, with the electrodes attached to your gonads, and fall into a bathtub of Battery Acid, losing your 'sucker' on the floor underneath the Tub?
zoobyshoe
Oct1-03, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
...the idea of sticking electrodes into your ear while wet sounds appetizing...
I feel it will be of interest to interpolate some real history here since my quetion was born of reading the following:
"Volta went on to seek electrical phenomena in other parts of the body, including the ear. In 1800 he attempted to stimulate the sensation of hearing electrically by connecting a battery to two metal rods, placing the rods in his ears and closing the switch. Not surprisingly, Volta recieved what he described as a `jolt in the head,' and a few moments later he heard `a noise like the boiling of thick soup.' The sensation was too disagreeable to bear many repetitions and Volta did not persue this investigation."
Dumb. Next we meet Dumber and Dumberer:
"Later Ernst Weber, the German scientist who pioneered the study of physical sensations, tried to continue Volta's experiments, using his brother, Wilhelm as a guinea pig. Weber filled Wilhelm's ears with water and then inserted a pair of electrodes . When a current was passed through, young Wilhelm reported a light `that seemed to go right over my head,' but he heard no sound."
-Sound And Hearing
Life Science Library/Time Life Books, 1967
Sometimes truth is stupider than a stupid quetion.
What do you do if while attempting to cause the arousal of the thoughts of Arnie no longer performing in "Terminator" movies, (he really was good in those wasn't he!) you slip, with the electrodes attached to your gonads, and fall into a bathtub of Battery Acid, losing your 'sucker' on the floor underneath the Tub?
It's funny you should ask that question because recently, while crawling on all fours to answer the doorbell, I spilled the beaker of H2SO4 I was carrying and some really interesting fumes began to drift up from the carpet. The same thought occured to me that would occur to anyone under these circumtances, which is that it might be interesting to call my versatile brother, Wilhelm and use him to soak up the spill. But since he is in a padded cell somewhere repeating the phrase "like a light going right over my head!' over and over, I proceeded toward the door intending to achieve the same goal using whoever might be out there ringing the bell.
What do you do if, in the above situation, the person at the door turns out to have no spongiform properties whatsoever?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct1-03, 06:45 PM
Originally posted by an educating/educational zoobyshoe (with child)
It's funny you should ask that question because recently, while crawling on all fours to answer the doorbell, I spilled the beaker of H2SO4 I was carrying and some really interesting fumes began to drift up from the carpet. The same thought occured to me that would occur to anyone under these circumtances, which is that it might be interesting to call my versatile brother, Wilhelm and use him to soak up the spill. But since he is in a padded cell somewhere repeating the phrase "like a light going right over my head!' over and over, I proceeded toward the door intending to achieve the same goal using whoever might be out there ringing the bell.
What do you do if, in the above situation, the person at the door turns out to have no spongiform properties whatsoever?
Use them as a central rod inside the carpeting as you roll it up into a tube, Then take the tube of carpeting outside, and attempt to sell it to the very next passerby, as a very large, (smuggled) Cuban cigar, pre-lit! (hence the smoke)
What do you do if you find yourself writting out longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer questions, but making even more sense, then ever before?
phoenixthoth
Oct2-03, 02:15 AM
What do you do if you find yourself writting out longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer questions, but making even more sense, then ever before? [/B]
write longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and 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longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer questions to make even more sense.
zoobyshoe
Oct2-03, 04:49 AM
And yet, Phoenix, you forgot something.
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct2-03, 11:01 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
And yet, Phoenix, you forgot something.
Ditto zoobyshoe.....
What do you do if you accuse someone of doing somehting, then find that you have done exactly the same thing?
Zargawee
Oct2-03, 11:07 AM
What do you do if you accuse someone of doing somehting, then find that you have done exactly the same thing?
Feel Ashamed about that ...
What do you do if poeple changed Maths to make the result of (3 + 3) to equal 9 ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct2-03, 11:17 AM
Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if poeple changed Maths to make the result of (3 + 3) to equal 9 ?
Go back to school and, once again. learn the New math's! (been there, done that, got the T-shirt, wore it out through use and washing, replaced it with a new one, wore that one out too, cheese this is long.......Hee hee.........)
What do you do if you've been there, done that, got the T-shirt, wore it out through use and washing, replaced it with a new one, wore that one out too, and on, and on, and on???
Zargawee
Oct2-03, 11:48 AM
What do you do if you've been there, done that, got the T-shirt, wore it out through use and washing, replaced it with a new one, wore that one out too, and on, and on, and on???
Invent a new fashion ... Get naked [g)]
What do you do if being naked become the newest fashion ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct2-03, 01:04 PM
Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if being naked become the newest fashion
Dress accordingly!
What doyou do if you observe zoobyshoe giving birth to his alien child, you have NO boiled water, the "baby" is crieing out for it's "mommie", zoobyshoe is passing out from the pain of childbirth, 911 has refused to assist, as they don't believe you when you tell them you have a man giving birth to an alien child, and all 'hades' is breaking out around you, literally, looking for their lost child??
Originally posted by Zargawee
Invent a new fashion ... Get naked [g)]
What do you do if being naked become the newest fashion ?
Push the envelope and wear clothes!
What do you do if clothes become outlawed?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Dress accordingly!
What doyou do if you observe zoobyshoe giving birth to his alien child, you have NO boiled water, the "baby" is crieing out for it's "mommie", zoobyshoe is passing out from the pain of childbirth, 911 has refused to assist, as they don't believe you when you tell them you have a man giving birth to an alien child, and all 'hades' is breaking out around you, literally, looking for their lost child??
You wake up and thank God it was just a dream.
My next question is on my previous post.
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct2-03, 01:24 PM
Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if clothes become outlawed?
Start a new religion that circumvents that Law!
What do you do if in circumventing that law, you realize that you are the only person on the face of the planet, practising that religion?
I would transform myself into God, and make the whole planet full of sexy girls desiring my sexual attention.
What would you do if the RIAA sued you for sharing music online and you're dirt poor?
zoobyshoe
Oct2-03, 06:05 PM
Originally posted by rdn98
What would you do if the RIAA sued you for sharing music online and you're dirt poor? Ride your bicycle to Canada and hide out there, rescuing rabbits and frequenting libraries.
What do you do if your homemade helicopter breaks down while you're hovering over area 51 taking photos of classified installations to send to Ivan Seeking and they confiscate the craft and start to reverse engineer it?
Zargawee
Oct3-03, 04:38 AM
What do you do if your homemade helicopter breaks down while you're hovering over area 51 taking photos of classified installations to send to Ivan Seeking and they confiscate the craft and start to reverse engineer it?
Ask them if they liked the way I made it [:D]
What do you do if you were on earth alone ?
zoobyshoe
Oct3-03, 04:57 AM
Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if you were on earth alone ?
There would be no one operating the power stations so my first concern would be to eat as much ice cream as possible before the coming ice cream famine took hold.
What do you do if you are standing on a street corner ringing a bell with a bucket trying to collect donations to buy famed British neurologist, Oliver Sacks a pet cuttlefish and a colorblind, autistic boy with tourettes syndrome who is in the throes of a migraine aura tosses a wet ball of chewed up cardboard into your bucket?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct3-03, 11:20 AM
Originally pondered, then written out, and asked, by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are standing on a street corner ringing a bell with a bucket trying to collect donations to buy famed British neurologist, Oliver Sacks a pet cuttlefish and a colorblind, autistic boy with tourettes syndrome who is in the throes of a migraine aura tosses a wet ball of chewed up cardboard into your bucket?
Thank him deeply, and humbly, and then ask him if he would like to visit the laboratory of the Famed Neurologist, ya know, just to "test it out" (wink Wink, nudge nudge)
What do you do if, you read the writting below....
Originally asked by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you observe zoobyshoe giving birth to his alien child, you have NO boiled water, the "baby" is crieing out for it's "mommie", zoobyshoe is passing out from the pain of childbirth, 911 has refused to assist, as they don't believe you when you tell them you have a man giving birth to an alien child, and all 'hades' is breaking out around you, literally, looking for their lost child??
......and you realize that this is NOT really the truth about zoobyshoe, but that IT IS really the Truth about Mr. Robin Parsons.....HUH????
YEEEOOOOWWWWWW!
That hurts!! (and don't ask me what orifice it was OK?)
zoobyshoe
Oct3-03, 12:36 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
B]....and you realize that this is NOT really the truth about zoobyshoe, but that IT IS really the Truth about Mr. Robin Parsons.....HUH????[/B]
I thank you most humbly. Could I interest you in a tour of the Famed Neurologist's lab? Ya know. Just to "test it out"?
When Mr. Robin Parsons goes completely off his rocker from participation in this thread will I be charged with criminal incitement of a nervous breakdown or will they realize I'm a half step behind him myself?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct3-03, 03:30 PM
Originally oral'isted in an exhaust of warm moist bacterial outflow from the orifacial of a one (1) -zoobyshoe
When Mr. Robin Parsons goes completely off his rocker from participation in this thread will I be charged with criminal incitement of a nervous breakdown or will they realize I'm a half step behind him myself?
Didn't you know?? "they" are waiting outside your door, right now!!!!
What do you do if while you were out, there had been a knocking at your door, and it was the lottery corporation "rapping in on you" to tell you that the recent "Win" of yours, was a factual mi$take, and you had to give it all back!! right this second!!?
zoobyshoe
Oct3-03, 05:15 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if while you were out, there had been a knocking at your door, and it was the lottery corporation "rapping in on you" to tell you that the recent "Win" of yours, was a factual mi$take, and you had to give it all back!! right this second!!? Recent win? Recent win? Ah! I think you must be refering to the facsimile of a check for $10,000.00 that was non-negotiable untill such time as I sent them $350.00 to cover the taxes on my winnings. Perhaps in your extreme poverty and lack of experience with this kind of scam you were erroneously conclusion-jumping. The scam has two major signs to watch out for: the first is that you recieve an announcement of having won without having entered any contest. This does not happen in nature. The second, very stinky clue is that even though they claim you have won something it somehow is required that you must send them money to claim your prize. Here again, this does not actually happen in nature. Any taxes you might owe on your winnings is between you and the government. Likewise with delivery fees or whatever else they claim you must give them before you get your new cadillac, or computor, or $10,000.00.
As soon as they recieve any money from you they become incommunicado you never recieve your prize, and you must legally change your last name to "Sucker" in about 30% of the contiguous 48. An alcoholic person of my acquaitance (an actual person, not the Polish Aviator) repeatedly ignored my warnings as he was lead, step by step, over the phone through the progression from suspicion to greedy confidence untill I found him drunk and mourning one day when he realized he'd been scammed. He considered himself poor and did a desperate thing to try and alleiviate it, which backfired, reminding me of where it says, somewhere or other, in the Bible, something like:Those that have not, what little they have will be taken from them. Those that have, more will be added unto them." By which I take it to be refering to a person's attitude; the more you appreciate what you have, the more will come to you. All of which we may consider a counterbalance to your serious rabbit story, in an otherwise amphigoric thread.
Which reminds me. A polish Aviator of my acquaintance once told me the harrowing tale of his encounter with a microburst while trying to land a 747 at O'Hare (Get it? Hare. Rabbit) international airport during a fitfull, ugly thunderstorm, an incident most memorable in his mind for the interruption it caused in his consumption of a beverage he considered to be of a higher priority than operating the plane, under most circumstances, but which, in this one, required him to use both hands to handle the controls, leaving him with none free to hold his martini. He claims it was his anger that this should be the case that stirred him to the superhuman strength it took to manhandle the plane up away from the runway where the microburst was trying to push it, and prevent a crash. He claims to this day that if he hadn't been so fond of drinking on the job 200 people would be dead.
In light of the facts of the above anecdote, was he coming or going?
(What do you do if...? of course, is what I meant to say.)
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct4-03, 09:58 AM
Originally flown in on a zoobyshoe H'airliner (Get it?? Hair/Hare/O'Hare???)
(SNIP) In light of the facts of the above anecdote, was he coming or going?
(What do you do if...? of course, is what I meant to say.) (SNoP)
Well zoobyshoes, you asked about being real close behind me once, so I'll let you in on a little secret in life, If the guy behind you is three feet away, turn around and run backwards cause then you will ALWAYS be in FRONT, of the guy, BEHIND you!.....the answer to your question is.........."out front"
What do you do if you forget to post a question, so you come back, on EDIT, to rectify the problemo, and that's the problemo?
zoobyshoe
Oct4-03, 10:19 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you forget to post a question, so you come back, on EDIT, to rectify the problemo, and that's the problemo?
It's funny you should ask that question because I once new an old lady who swallowed a fly...
What do you do if your Halloween pumpkin is defrostng, but you can neither remember how to bake an Halloween pumkin, nor where an Halloween pumpkin keeps its giblets when the time comes to make the gravy?
sandinmyears
Oct4-03, 10:27 PM
Q: What do you do if your Halloween pumpkin is defrosting, but you can neither remember how to bake an Halloween pumpkin, nor where an Halloween pumpkin keeps its giblets when the time comes to make the gravy?
A: Paint the pumpkin purple and set it out on the front porch.
HEY THERE ZOOBIE!!!!
Q: What do you do if you have a purple alien in your refrigerator trying to turn on the lightbulb?
zoobyshoe
Oct4-03, 10:48 PM
Originally posted by sandinmyears Q: What do you do if you have a purple alien in your refrigerator trying to turn on the lightbulb?
Not an uncommon problem, and I think the answer could be found in an adaptation of one or another of the means for repelling squirrels
from birdfeeders.
What do you do if, having wired your refridgerator with high voltage squirrel repellors you can't sleep due to the constant interruption of the sound of gray space aliens being zapped?
sandinmyears
Oct4-03, 11:01 PM
What do you do if, having wired your refrigerator with high voltage squirrel repellers you can't sleep due to the constant interruption of the sound of gray space aliens being zapped?
A: Buy some earplugs and shut your bedroom door.
Q: What do you do if you titillate the tickle bones of all the tiny tellytubbies, but they still keep coming on TV?
zoobyshoe
Oct5-03, 12:26 AM
Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: What do you do if you titillate the tickle bones of all the tiny tellytubbies, but they still keep coming on TV?
Clearly it is the tickling they are attracted by, therefore try throwing the teletubbies through the torture transponder to thoroughly trivialize their troublesome tittering.
What do you do if you happen to glance out the back window and see several burley geophysicists taking measurments without your permission?
phoenixthoth
Oct5-03, 01:23 AM
tell them they are truly in an unmetrizbale hilbert cube.
what do you do if you are greeted by a hilbert cube containing a collective of infinitely evolved beings, of which God is a part, and they want to assimilate you not unlike the borg in the borg cube?
zoobyshoe
Oct5-03, 01:34 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you are greeted by a hilbert cube containing a collective of infinitely evolved beings, of which God is a part, and they want to assimilate you not unlike the borg in the borg cube?
Having encountered this very situation on numerous occasions I can only tell you that no preconcieved strategy will work and that you must rely on whatever wits are at your disposal.
What do you do if if you begin to suspect the Halloween pumpkin you brought home may not be a pumpkin at all, but a gray space alien trojan horse?
phoenixthoth
Oct5-03, 03:57 AM
my wits told me to allow my biological and technological distinctiveness be added to their own.
that happened to me once and once was enough. i reached in for the pumpkin giblets and out came the whole grey alien army. it nearly destroyed the universe i was working on at the time. but with the help of my recently assimilated infinitely evolved beings, i was able to not only kill off the alien army but also go back to a point in time in the universe i was working on in which they never came. i did the proper thing: i gave my pumpkin to unsuspecting kids greedily looking for candy. since my universe is separated from theirs by impenatrable 13-branes, i was safe. (or so i think...)
what do you do if you make a mistake that will directly result in God becoming malevolent but any attempt to fix the mistake will indirectly result in God becoming malevolent?
zoobyshoe
Oct5-03, 04:54 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you make a mistake that will directly result in God becoming malevolent but any attempt to fix the mistake will indirectly result in God becoming malevolent?
If God ever became malevolent that would be a stuation where you had, like, TWO bad guys trying to rule the universe: the devil, and the super devil formerly known as God and there is no doubt there'd be a rumble over turf, so I think you personally wouldn't have much to worry about since they'd both be quite distracted by other things.
What do you do if one of the astronauts who once walked on the moon send you an E-Mail on day saying he's been trying to find you for years because when he was strolling around the lunar landscape he happened to find your address book and has wanted to return it ever since?
phoenixthoth
Oct5-03, 05:33 AM
i'd take back the address book and fight through the drunken amnesia remembering that one day i was an extra on some weird hollywood set where there were a lot of black curtains with white dots on them and this blue/white/green sphere in the background and some grey stuff on the ground. and i'd say to myself, "so THAT'S where i left it!"
what do you do if you take a roll full of pictures and when you get the film developed, they all have the phrase "don't make me destroy you" in black letters on a white background?
zoobyshoe
Oct5-03, 05:52 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you take a roll full of pictures and when you get the film developed, they all have the phrase "don't make me destroy you" in black letters on a white background?
Oh! YOU got that roll of film!
I'll PM you where to send it because I really need that back. I have really enjoyed the pictures you took as well. Must have been a wonderful vacation. Let me know what you want me to do with them.
What do you do if you recieve a bill in the mail from the Institute For The Advancement Of Institutional Advancement, Progress, and Redundancy asking or you to make good on the pledge you made during their fundraising drive on Satellite channel 7895B which according to their records was a promise of $5.31 monthly for one year, but you have never subscribed to satellite, have never seen a satellite, and in fact, are not sure you believe there is such a thing?
phoenixthoth
Oct5-03, 06:31 AM
tell them that their error is due to a recent development resulting in God becoming malevolent and that if they don't mind their own business, God will smite them.
what do you do if the government starts randomly testing you on that penile maching they'll test on kobe bryant and locks you up for 25-life for your deviant thoughts?
zoobyshoe
Oct5-03, 07:28 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if the government starts randomly testing you on that penile maching they'll test on kobe bryant and locks you up for 25-life for your deviant thoughts?
Where do you think I'm posting from?
What do you do if you go out on your way to work and notice that the members of the 1980s band, The B-52s seem to have crashed in the bed of your truck?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct5-03, 08:49 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you go out on your way to work and notice that the members of the 1980s band, The B-52s seem to have crashed in the bed of your truck?
Hand them the Bill!
What do you do if you haven't seen a "what do you do if" like all of this in a "what did I" NOT "do if" amount of time?
sandinmyears
Oct5-03, 11:53 AM
What do you do if you haven't seen a "what do you do if" like all of this in a "what did I" NOT "do if" amount of time?
A: You correct Mr. Robin's grammar and punctuation and move on.
Q: What do you do if you find 2 robins flying around you in stereo?
Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: What do you do if you find 2 robins flying around you in stereo?
Shoot them before they "shoot" on you, then apply for a government grant (couldn't hurt.)
What do you do if you find a $20 bill laying on the sidewalk, pick it up, spend it on a hotdog, add a little ketsup (catsup?, ketchup?), some mustard, hold the relish, eat half of it, feed the rest to a stray cat, go home take a shower, dress in something "frilly", have a night out-on-the-town, get divorced, find God, lose God, have another hotdog, then get arrested for counterfeiting?
phoenixthoth
Oct5-03, 02:22 PM
i make a call to the air force to send out the b-3 bombers (barry bonds, bobby bonds, and billie dee williams) to knock them out of the bed of my truck.
what do you do if the harlequin you have sitting on your wardrobe starts talking to you saying, "NOTHING is the key to the universe; a FOOL sees NOTHING?"
zoobyshoe
Oct6-03, 01:18 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if the harlequin you have sitting on your wardrobe starts talking to you saying, "NOTHING is the key to the universe; a FOOL sees NOTHING?"
A harlequin is a very specific kind of clown, and like all clowns, they tend to talk too much. This has been a problem for some time. Witness Hamlet's advise to the players:"And let those that play your clowns speak no more than is set down for them: for there be of them that will themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh too; though in the mean time some necessary question of the play be then to be consider'd; that's villainous and shows a most pitious ambition in the fool that uses it." So the next time your harlequin babbles like this take a baseball bat to it.
What do you do if you wake up in the dead of the dark night to find the Halloween pumpkin you brought home sitting at the foot of your bed just staring at you?
phoenixthoth
Oct6-03, 01:23 AM
it depends on whether it's giving me "the look" or the look. in other words, i'd try to determine if it wants to have sex or fight me. then i'd consider other options like maybe it's just curious and wants to observe. i'd ask it for its name and if it wants a beer.
what do you do if you realize that God has always been at the corner of your bed, just staring at you?
zoobyshoe
Oct6-03, 01:45 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you realize that God has always been at the corner of your bed, just staring at you?
Put that old song by the Police, Every breath you Take, on the stereo, see if he takes the hint and leaves you in privacy.
What do you do if you're rummaging through some old boxes at a flea market and suddenly find an original edtion of Special Relativity with the following inscription in Einstein's hand: "Fur mein guter Freund, Max. Es macht kein Sinn, aber es macht viel spass zu lesen! Erfreut dich daran!"
sandinmyears
Oct6-03, 01:58 AM
What do you do if you're rummaging through some old boxes at a flea market and suddenly find an original edtion of Special Relativity with the following inscription in Einstein's hand: "Fur mein guter Freund, Max. Es macht kein Sinn, aber es macht viel spass zu lesen! Erfreut dich daran!"
Antwort: Für meinen lieben Freund, ZoobySchuh: dieses ist ein Spaßspiel.
Q: What do you do if you really see a horse fly?
zoobyshoe
Oct6-03, 02:12 AM
Originally posted by sandinmyears Q: What do you do if you really see a horse fly? [/B]
Report to the Skepticism and Debunking forum immediately for a personal debriefing by Ivan Seeking.
What do you do if Ivan determines that what you believed to be a flying horse turns out to be a run-of-the-mill extra terrestrial space craft?
sandinmyears
Oct6-03, 02:25 AM
What do you do if Ivan determines that what you believed to be a flying horse turns out to be a run-of-the-mill extra terrestrial space craft?
A: If it's just "run of the mill," ignore it. It isn't worth the bother, but if it's fashionable, hire the space aliens and their space craft to be at your next Halloween party.
Q: What do you do if Freud meets the aliens and determines that the flying horses are their alter-egos?
phoenixthoth
Oct6-03, 04:28 AM
tell freud to stop using so much cocaine and going around telling people paranoid schizophrenia results from homosexual panic.
what do you do if Freud publishes his analysis of God and determines that God is a paranoid schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct6-03, 07:46 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if Freud publishes his analysis of God and determines that God is a paranoid schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur?
Buy him a mirror, and show him what he just found!
What do you do if you just found out that you really do exist, and CAN prove it!?
phoenixthoth
Oct6-03, 07:49 AM
i'd start creating a universe.
what do you do if you create a universe but there is a lot of suffering in it?
(inspired by this thread, i now have a similar one on my discussion forum: http://207.70.190.98/scgi-bin/ikonboard.cgi?;act=ST;f=1;t=47 )
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct6-03, 07:51 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you create a universe but there is a lot of suffering in it?
Consult the Programmers Bible
What do you do if you cannot find your programmers Bible?
(and the code is running nuts)
phoenixthoth
Oct6-03, 08:10 AM
start hacking your way back into the system to take control again and return things to an orderly state.
what do you do if the encryption you set up is preventing you from getting in until someone invents the quantum computer and all you can do is watch the amokness helplessly?
zoobyshoe
Oct6-03, 08:54 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if the encryption you set up is preventing you from getting in until someone invents the quantum computer and all you can do is watch the amokness helplessly?
Amokness? Sudivision of chaos theory? Just be sure you document for insurance purposes.
What do you do if on Halloween nght the doorbell rings and you open it to find several small children in malevolent God costumes chanting "Kill the goat bi*ch! Kill the goat bi*ch!" ?
phoenixthoth
Oct6-03, 09:14 AM
i'd be sure to keep my malevolent God costume on so that they can't see that i'm the goat biatch.
what do you do if those aren't costumes?
zoobyshoe
Oct6-03, 09:22 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if those aren't costumes? Kiss your goat bi*ch a$$ goodbye!
What do you do if it turns out all the little malevolent Gds really wanted was to make you change your underwear?
phoenixthoth
Oct6-03, 09:41 AM
that is indeed quite malevolent for i would have to take off my malevolent God costume. i'd tell them they forgot to say "trick or treat" and slam the door.
what do you do if once you slam the door, you find yourself outside and the "kids" can be heard from within your house, killing all your goats?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct6-03, 11:06 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if once you slam the door, you find yourself outside and the "kids" can be heard from within your house, killing all your goats?
Light the Bar B'Q, and toss the Salad...
What do you do if you missed that episode of Oprah® and you don't really know the meaning of "Tossing your cOOkies"?
phoenixthoth
Oct6-03, 11:08 AM
i'd do an internet search which would lead to something to do with my browser 12% of the time and porn 88% of the time. having no idea what it means, i'd just stick to tossing the salad even though i'd get porn if i searched for that.
what do you do if the unwelcome gets meant the other "tossing the salad?"
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct6-03, 11:14 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if the unwelcome gets meant the other "tossing the salad?"
Make an addendum to your programmers Bible, and a password.
What do you do if your password is "password"?
zoobyshoe
Oct6-03, 02:05 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if your password is "password"?
I can only imagine the sheer terror that would inspire in the bravest of persons and so I recommend you just block it out of your mind and forget it ever existed.
What do you do if you're ambling down the street minding your own business and the window of the store you are passing disintegrates into shards simultaneous with the sound of a rifle shot from the other side of the street?
phoenixthoth
Oct6-03, 04:02 PM
i'd find it curious that the pellets went all the way through me and quickly return fire with my glock unless the assailant was wearing a malevolent God uniform, in which case, i'd use my death ray spell.
what do you do if you accidentally loaded the ammo for the death ray spell into the glock and the ammo for the glock into the death ray spell?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct7-03, 07:23 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you accidentally loaded the ammo for the death ray spell into the glock and the ammo for the glock into the death ray spell?
Use the Death Ray spell to fire the Glock.
What do you do if you are not walking down any particular street, and a young girl kisses your knee, just when you are about to as that really nice looking woman, at the candy counter, out on a date, and you realize that she is now going to turn you down because she saw the lipstick, from the young girl, on your knee?
zoobyshoe
Oct7-03, 07:40 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you are not walking down any particular street, and a young girl kisses your knee, just when you are about to as that really nice looking woman, at the candy counter, out on a date, and you realize that she is now going to turn you down because she saw the lipstick, from the young girl, on your knee? Do your best tobring attention to the lipstick rather than hide it, and if you see she notices it, use this to tell her the amusing story of how you were just accosted by the kissing munchkin queen. Believe me, it will win her heart.
What do you do if a glance at your Lorenz attractor clock reveals that the expected flip of the polarity of the magnetic poles of the earth is almost three hours overdue, and you're impatient to reset all the compasses in the house?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct7-03, 10:03 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if a glance at your Lorenz attractor clock reveals that the expected flip of the polarity of the magnetic poles of the earth is almost three hours overdue, and you're impatient to reset all the compasses in the house?
Give your Foccault pendulum a great big push as to get it over the edge, then reset your compasses, clocks, mind, health, happiness, life, cat, dog, rest of the beasts, planetary surface, kitchen floor (and hallways too) and hope that the next reversal happens on time!
What do you do if The next reversal is also late, you call the Bureau of Reversal Managment (@ 1-800-555-switchback) and they tell you that the tax department cut the bugdet, so the reversal is underfunded, and might only happens if the election results get rigged, (again) which is actually your job to do, but you forgot to, as the reversal was needed for you to keep your wavefunction occuring in this end of that universe, and it's now dissapating, due to the waveform, that is writing this, action's?
zoobyshoe
Oct7-03, 11:13 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if The next reversal is also late, you call the Bureau of Reversal Managment (@ 1-800-555-switchback) and they tell you that the tax department cut the bugdet, so the reversal is underfunded, and might only happens if the election results get rigged, (again) which is actually your job to do, but you forgot to, as the reversal was needed for you to keep your wavefunction occuring in this end of that universe, and it's now dissapating, due to the waveform, that is writing this, action's?
No worries. Since chotic sytems re stble no mttr hw mch thy dsntgt pty sn thy stat to reintegrate and dis order will be fully restored in no time.
What do you do if the fine Halloween pumpkin you recently freed from its freedom in a large, military/industrial Pumpkin Patch in Camp Pendleton, Ca. USA turns out to be one of the reverse engineered extraterrestrial aircraft created at Area 51 crossed with vegetable DNA and also, strangest of all, liverwurst?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct7-03, 12:02 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the fine Halloween pumpkin you recently freed from its freedom in a large, military/industrial Pumpkin Patch in Camp Pendleton, Ca. USA turns out to be one of the reverse engineered extraterrestrial aircraft created at Area 51 crossed with vegetable DNA and also, strangest of all, liverwurst?
Call a friend, and EAT!
What do you do if you find that you would have known what to do, but that, somehow, went past your own head, in the rectified limelight that has now submerged the entire space, you are in, in a bathing glow of 'foxgloved' light, that is eminating a subtle, but unmistakable, reflection of the mirror that just went up in front of your face, as to explain to you why you can't do, what you would have done, if?
zoobyshoe
Oct7-03, 12:19 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you find that you would have known what to do, but that, somehow, went past your own head, in the rectified limelight that has now submerged the entire space, you are in, in a bathing glow of 'foxgloved' light, that is eminating a subtle, but unmistakable, reflection of the mirror that just went up in front of your face, as to explain to you why you can't do, what you would have done, if?
The past, a check already cashed and spent, a meal digested, a can recycled, is no longer available for editing your colored bold improvements into, no longer accessible for the insertion of parenthesis or quotaion marks, the excision of the odd extra letter, is not graspable by fat human fingers for appending superfluous clauses unto. So if the foxglove fits you must wear it or quit.
What do you do if you haven't the slightest idea what you just wrote means?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct7-03, 12:27 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you haven't the slightest idea what you just wrote means?
Consult with an expert in the field of "Unknowns, and Unknowable things" cause they will likely know!
What do you do if someone advises you to quit your day job so you can take up your hobby, as a full time job, but you have never-ever, even so little, as had a job, (so's you haven't a clue what that means) and the paycheques had stopped coming, years back, so your rent is in arrears up to, well, your rear, and the person with whom you would be wishing to communicate this with is an irrelevant irrespectable ignorant slob who just happens to be the current occupant of the Office of Prime Minster of Canada, so the phone never gets answered, and in all of this, you suddenly realize that zoobyshoe hasn't a clue what is being asked, by these very intuitively instinctive questions that eminate from within the sphere of these realms?
zoobyshoe
Oct7-03, 02:09 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if someone advises you to quit your day job so you can take up your hobby, as a full time job, but you have never-ever, even so little, as had a job, (so's you haven't a clue what that means) and the paycheques had stopped coming, years back, so your rent is in arrears up to, well, your rear, and the person with whom you would be wishing to communicate this with is an irrelevant irrespectable ignorant slob who just happens to be the current occupant of the Office of Prime Minster of Canada, so the phone never gets answered, and in all of this, you suddenly realize that zoobyshoe hasn't a clue what is being asked, by these very intuitively instinctive questions that eminate from within the sphere of these realms?
Clearly your only hope of paying your rent is to gather an army of henchmen about you, storm the Government Offices, accomplish a swift, decisive coup d'etat, award yourself a salary sufficient to pay the rent and begin paying off the back rent, and lead Canada forward to its manifest destiny!!! Under the Maple Leaf and Parsons!!!
What do you do if your coup d'etat fails and you are arrested and put into a situation such that you now resemble your former avatar?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct7-03, 06:14 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if your coup d'etat fails and you are arrested and put into a situation such that you now resemble your former avatar?
Apparently the manner of operation is to gather an army of wrenchman about you, storm the office of the prime steak of Kant'a Government Offices, accomplish a leisurely, indecisive slice up of the state and it's bOOties, cup'us, award yourself a salary sufficient to pay the National debt of the United States of America and BUY GAS FOR THE SUV!!!! begin paying off the rent on Canada, leasing forward to its debtiny! Under the Maple cLeafer and Parsin's!
What do you do if the plagerizer of your work(s), phones you up, and tells you they want the 'accreditation cheques' sent out, in the mail, again, right NOW!!??
zoobyshoe
Oct9-03, 03:52 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if the plagerizer of your work(s), phones you up, and tells you they want the 'accreditation cheques' sent out, in the mail, again, right NOW!!?? [/B]
YOU think YOU"VE been PLAGARIZED!!!??? YOU don't know the MeAnInG of PLAGERISM!!!!!
How would you like it if you had been CLONED against your will, like SOME people I know have been??!!???
What do you do if, while dozing in your chair at a table outside Le Lapin Dormant,(an establishment which you own, by the way) with a petite glass of sherry and a demi-tasse de cafe, two extremely beautiful young Francaises pass the Cafe, walking leisurely in their loose summer dresses, and you overhear one whisper o the other:"Oh! Comme ce lapin a les yeux malins!" ?
phoenixthoth
Oct9-03, 04:14 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
YOU think YOU"VE been PLAGARIZED!!!??? YOU don't know the MeAnInG of PLAGERISM!!!!!
How would you like it if you had been CLONED against your will, like SOME people I know have been??!!???
What do you do if, while dozing in your chair at a table outside Le Lapin Dormant,(an establishment which you own, by the way) with a petite glass of sherry and a demi-tasse de cafe, two extremely beautiful young Francaises pass the Cafe, walking leisurely in their loose summer dresses, and you overhear one whisper o the other:"Oh! Comme ce lapin a les yeux malins!" ?
in a voice slightly above a whisper, i might say (excuse the bad grammer), "excusez-moi, mes dames, je suis un loup, pas un lapin."
what do you do if your attempts to scare them off backfire and they turn into half women, half wolf creatures and they say, "nous vous prendrons maintenant à notre tanière de werewolf?"
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct9-03, 07:34 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if your attempts to scare them off backfire and they turn into half women, half wolf creatures and they say, "nous vous prendrons maintenant à notre tanière de werewolf?"
Ululate!
What do you do if you try to "get out", and you keep finding that all you have succeeded at doing, is getting in?
zoobyshoe
Oct9-03, 07:39 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you try to "get out", and you keep finding that all you have succeeded at doing, is getting in? Welcome to the Hotel California.
If Albert Einstein and Albert Schweizer got into a fistfight who would win?
sandinmyears
Oct9-03, 07:46 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If Albert Einstein and Albert Schweizer got into a fistfight who would win?
Einstein, (Schweitzer would "turn the other cheek"), but the argument is relative as Einstein was a wimp and Schweitzer was a theologian.
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct9-03, 07:57 AM
Originally posted by sandinmyears
Einstein, (Schweitzer would "turn the other cheek"), but the argument is relative as Einstein was a wimp and Schweitzer was a theologian.
Uhmm, well the answer to this question is so obvious that I'm not even a gonna bother typin it out as that would be a total waste of the time it takes me to type, in the first place, not as if I can't do it, but that well, ya know typing's hard, and it takes soooooo long that well, I'd just as soon spend the time doing something else productive you know somehting other then typing out lots and lots of endless words................. Yadda, and so on, Yakkity-Yak, ad infinitum...............
What do you do if your a comedy writer, you are supposed to answer the dumbest of questions, asked of you, and then you are suppose to ask an even stupider question, in responce, and you can only think of nothing but brilliant questions today?
zoobyshoe
Oct9-03, 08:10 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your a comedy writer, you are supposed to answer the dumbest of questions, asked of you, and then you are suppose to ask an even stupider question, in responce, and you can only think of nothing but brilliant questions today?
You have just described my life for the past two months, plagarist.
What's the best defence against the poison-spitting sand critters of the Mongolian desert?
sandinmyears
Oct9-03, 08:29 AM
What's the best defence against the poison-spitting sand critters of the Mongolian desert?
A: Purple paint, ofcourse!
Q: What if you (pessimistically) run out of purple paint in the midst of a perilous plague of poison-spitting critters?
selfAdjoint
Oct9-03, 09:26 AM
Originally posted by sandinmyears
A: Purple paint, ofcourse!
Q: What if you (pessimistically) run out of purple paint in the midst of a perilous plague of poison-spitting critters?
Punt!
What if punting the purple paint pot at the perilous plague of poinson-spitting critters palls?
zoobyshoe
Oct9-03, 09:51 AM
Originally posted by selfAdjoint
What if punting the purple paint pot at the perilous plague of poinson-spitting critters palls?
Pole-vault, post-haste, past pesky poison projectiles.
What is a person supposed to do when they get a head stuck in their song?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Pole-vault, post-haste, past pesky poison projectiles.
What is a person supposed to do when they get a head stuck in their song?
drum solo
What do you do if your get up and go has got up and went?
zoobyshoe
Oct9-03, 10:10 AM
Originally posted by tribdog
What do you do if your get up and go has got up and went?
Got cocaine?
What do you do if you suddenly realize that "Shakespeare" spelled backwards doesn't really mean much of anything?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Got cocaine?
What do you do if you suddenly realize that "Shakespeare" spelled backwards doesn't really mean much of anything?
Start reading books by Kramer (remark)
What do you do if you suddenly find your index finger has switch position with your pinkie?
sandinmyears
Oct9-03, 10:32 AM
What do you do if you suddenly realize that "Shakespeare" spelled backwards doesn't really mean much of anything?
A: Drink some OOSHY BOOZE (Pronounce it backwards) :D
Q: What do you do if you travel all the way to Japan only to find that they are all out of Ooshy Booze?
sandinmyears
Oct9-03, 10:34 AM
Oops. Sorry Tribdog. Didn't see your post.
zoobyshoe
Oct9-03, 10:36 AM
Originally posted by tribdog
What do you do if you suddenly find your index finger has switch position with your pinkie?
Abandon the practise of saying "I know it like the back of my hand."
What do you do if the garbage truck deposits garbage instead of picking it up?
sandinmyears
Oct9-03, 10:58 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the garbage truck deposits garbage instead of picking it up?
A: Celebrate "Pot Luck" Supper!
Q: What do you do if you go all the way to Japan only to find that they're out of Ooshy Booze?
I'd drink some cola!
What would you do if you were "doing it" with your girlfriend when your whole family accidentally walked into your room?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct9-03, 06:06 PM
Originally posted by Rockdog
What would you do if you were "doing it" with your girlfriend when your whole family accidentally walked into your room?
Play Incest?? it's a 'family game' I hear.
What do you do if your entire family walks in, on you and your girlfriend, and asks if they can all join in??
zoobyshoe
Oct9-03, 06:30 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if your entire family walks in, on you and your girlfriend, and asks if they can all join in??
Realize that someone has inadvertantly accessed a corner of Mr. Robin Parsons' immagination that should be obscured from human perception forever.
What do you do if Godzilla and Mothra get into a fight over who gets the recyclables out of your garbage can at 5:30 A.M. when you're still sound asleep?
sandinmyears
Oct9-03, 07:12 PM
What do you do if Godzilla and Mothra get into a fight over who gets the recyclables out of your garbage can at 5:30 A.M. when you're still sound asleep?
A: (My 9yo dd came up with this answer): You poop on a plate and throw it out the window and it lands on their heads.
Q: (My 9yo dd came up with this question): What do you do if you're hopping and skipping to school and you fall in a mud puddle and you find Count Dracula trying to suck your head off?
phoenixthoth
Oct9-03, 07:42 PM
perform the group action given by the following:
{(self, dracula), (dracula, self)}.
then, keep drinking until you get full.
what do you do if you forgot your group activitator at home and you have misplaced your lightsaber?
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
perform the group action given by the following:
{(self, dracula), (dracula, self)}.
then, keep drinking until you get full.
what do you do if you forgot your group activitator at home and you have misplaced your lightsaber?
Shoot yourself in the foot with your laser gun and beg mercy on the basis of stupidity.
What do you do if you wake up in a white room with no doors, and nothing inside of it - where the light doesn't come from any particular direction, and it's so perfectly white that you can't tell there's a wall there until you run into it?
zoobyshoe
Oct10-03, 01:58 PM
Originally posted by Mentat What do you do if you wake up in a white room with no doors, and nothing inside of it - where the light doesn't come from any particular direction, and it's so perfectly white that you can't tell there's a wall there until you run into it?
Realize that you've ended up in that old rohrshack test about your attitude toward death.
What do you do if, on your way to work in the morning, you look down and notice there is a small ugly gremlin trying to comandeer the cars pedals?
Rockdog
Oct10-03, 04:20 PM
Then I'd change it.
What would you do if you woke up to find that your insane wife had cut off your 'member'?
zoobyshoe
Oct10-03, 05:38 PM
Originally posted by Rockdog
What would you do if you woke up to find that your insane wife had cut off your 'member'?
Realize that you'd ended up in that old rohrshack test about your attitude toward women.
What do you do if you find your cat out in the back yard fighting with the neighbor's pet squid?
Zargawee
Oct11-03, 05:57 AM
What do you do if you find your cat out in the back yard fighting with the neighbor's pet squid?
Ask the neighbor to give me his squid so that my cat don't have to get out when it wants to fight with the squid .
What do you do if your cat requested to get a cigarette from you ?
sandinmyears
Oct11-03, 07:28 AM
Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if your cat requested to get a cigarette from you ?
A: Explain to him how smoking can shorten the life of a cat to only 8 years....9 at most.
Q: What do you do if your 10-year-old cat requests to start smoking?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct11-03, 09:39 AM
Originally posted by sandinmyears
What do you do if your 10-year-old cat requests to start smoking?
Seek professional help, your cat seems to be talking......
What do you do if in seeking professional help, your psychiatrist tells you that, at ten years of age, it is normal for a cat to begin talking??
sandinmyears
Oct11-03, 11:24 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if in seeking professional help, your psychiatrist tells you that, at ten years of age, it is normal for a cat to begin talking??
A: Consider it understood that your psychiatrist subscribes to Carl Rodgers' "Client Centered Therapy" and is only repeating back to you what you've just told him.
Q: What do you do if you fly off your handle
Bump into the staircase and fall on the mantel?
In the process of falling break 5 of your toes,
Forgetting the cause that first brought on your woes?
Astrophysics
Oct12-03, 03:48 AM
Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: What do you do if you fly off your handle
Bump into the staircase and fall on the mantel?
In the process of falling break 5 of your toes,
Forgetting the cause that first brought on your woes?
Start learning to walk on my hands.
What do you do if you get laughed out by all the "cool" kids, while walking on the street on your hands?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct12-03, 08:54 AM
Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if you get laughed out by all the "cool" kids, while walking on the street on your hands?
Ride past them on your bike!
What do you do if, you come to the "what do you do" if thread, and you forget to type the "what do you do if" line?
megashawn
Oct12-03, 09:23 AM
Ahh damn you broke it, now we got to start all over.
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct12-03, 10:45 AM
Originally posted by megashawn
Ahh damn you broke it, now we got to start all over.
*Pulls rope* <<Insert sound of "sputterings" and "gaseous outputs">>
What do you do if you restart the thread, only to find it is now in desperate need of fuel, and you only have a 'one post' supply, currently left?? HUh??
megashawn
Oct12-03, 11:05 AM
Well, for starters, uhh, I dunno.
What do you do if you just don't know what to do?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct12-03, 01:58 PM
Originally posted by megashawn
What do you do if you just don't know what to do?
Well, you consult your "I don't know what to do, for dummies" book, and if that fails, you then take a shot at using one of the "Eight Balls" that prognosticates the futur, and if that doesn't work, then you try the idea that, when all else fails, stop trying, by trying something else!
What do you do if while typing out your question, you suddenly realize that the question you were about to ask, became the answer that you really just wanted to hear so you couldn't ask the question, because it was the Answer? Huh?
Astrophysics
Oct12-03, 03:40 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if while typing out your question, you suddenly realize that the question you were about to ask, became the answer that you really just wanted to hear so you couldn't ask the question, because it was the Answer? Huh?
I think you pretty much anwsered it.
What do you do if you get completely confused in the What do you do if thread?
zoobyshoe
Oct12-03, 06:45 PM
Originally posted by Astrophysics What do you do if you get completely confused in the What do you do if thread?
If you think you are completely confused, be warned that there are depths of confusion in this thread that would make your current state seem like distilled water in a crystal wine goblet.
What do you do if your sitting on a hot stove holding a pretty girls hand, but long before the expected average of 30 minutes is up, it already seems like an hour?
megashawn
Oct13-03, 07:43 PM
Get yer *** off the stove fool! [:D]
Try not to drag the pretty girl over the hot stove, she probably will not go out for a second date (Assuming the sitting on a hot stove impressed her)
What do you do if you drag her across the hot stove?
edit: Figured I better add a smiley.
zoobyshoe
Oct13-03, 09:33 PM
Originally posted by megashawn What do you do if you drag her across the hot stove?
Interesting you should ask that quetion, because once, back before World War One, I was out in the barn at the anvil trying to bang a hot piece of iron into half of a massive hinge to replace the one on the barn door that had, after years of service, finally succumbed to all the natural forces at work bent on its oxidation, when I noticed my sturdy German Valkyrie-like farmmaiden helper backing away from something I couldn't see
toward the little forge where the coke was glowing beneath its layer of ash.
What do you do if you notice your German Valkyrie-like farmmaiden helper backing toward a hot forge?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct14-03, 11:14 AM
Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you notice your German Valkyrie-like farmmaiden helper backing toward a hot forge?
Funny, this actually happened to me, but it wasn't my German Valkyrie like farm maiden, it was my French Canadian Cleaning lady in that ooooh so short cleaning outfit of hers, backed right into the woodstove's side, and seared her backside right through her undies, heard that osculation is the best remedy for such occurances so I immedaitely offered to perform the healing on her, to great suckcess......Pardon me where was I?, oh yes a "What do you do if" quention.......
What do you do if the hand that fed you, now slapping you across the face, repetitively, is covered with whipped cream and cherries?
Robert Zaleski
Oct14-03, 07:07 PM
If the hand that fed me was the buxum German Valkyrie-like farmmaiden, I'd give the wench a hardy tongue bath and send her on her way.
Having finished dessert first, what would you order for the main course?
zoobyshoe
Oct14-03, 07:41 PM
Originally posted by Robert Zaleski Having finished dessert first, what would you order for the main course? I'd like to try the Aida-like "brow of Egypt", in a seven veils sauce, with a side of belly dancing.
What do you do if the master of the brain teaser thread turns out not to realize the difference between a stupid quetion and a what do you do if... question?
dduardo
Oct14-03, 08:25 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
what do you do if...[/i] question?
ask another stupid question.
What do you do if you got your finger stuck in your nose?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct15-03, 09:39 AM
Originally posted by dduardo
What do you do if you got your finger stuck in your nose?
Tell everyone your nose is "On Strike" and continue to Pick'it...
What do you do if while you are picking your nose, the pretty girl who had watched you hold your hand on a hot stove, comes over to ask you to dance?
zoobyshoe
Oct15-03, 11:06 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if while you are picking your nose, the pretty girl who had watched you hold your hand on a hot stove, comes over to ask you to dance?
Clearly, then, she must have mistaken your antics for some kind of David Blaine style endurance test, so you agree to dance and thank her for the opportunity of putting an additional burden on your effort to hold your finger in your nose as long as possible.
What do you do if, in fascination with your test of your own will, she decides to put her finger up your other nostril while you are dancing?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct15-03, 11:34 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, in fascination with your test of your own will, she decides to put her finger up your other nostril while you are dancing?
Pirrouette!
What do you do if while awaiting your slooooow computers inability to find a dictionary, in order for you to spell check your work, you give up looking, and just type the one you think it should be, and tell the story asking if it's really O.K. to do that?
zoobyshoe
Oct15-03, 12:00 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if while awaiting your slooooow computers inability to find a dictionary, in order for you to spell check your work, you give up looking, and just type the one you think it should be, and tell the story asking if it's really O.K. to do that?
The pretty girl standing next to me with her finger up my nose handles all spell-checks in a book-form dictionary, so I don't know what to tell you.
What do you do if you purchase a recording of the late, great Canadian Pianist, Glenn Gould, performing your favorite Bach, but, try as you might, you cannot hear him humming in the background as usual?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct15-03, 03:59 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you purchase a recording of the late, great Canadian Pianist, Glenn Gould, performing your favorite Bach, but, try as you might, you cannot hear him humming in the background as usual?
Turn up the volume to the point where your tuner and amplifier start to do the hummin for ya!
What do you do if you are out on a windswept night, having a pee in a blinding snowstorm, completely naked, snow melting on your warm back, and running down your backside because of it, a rabbit breaks out of the brush, and rushes you, and you have clearly been caught with, well, no pants, and now your feet are frozen to the icey surface and you've no place to run from the approaching KiLLer bunny?
Rockdog
Oct15-03, 08:48 PM
Roll up a big snow ball and kill that rabbit.
What would you do when you threw the snowball, the rabbit dodged it and snapped its jaws tight on your "member"?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct16-03, 09:11 AM
Originally posted by Rockdog
What would you do when you threw the snowball, the rabbit dodged it and snapped its jaws tight on your "member"?
Resign that "member"ship, and sign on under a new name.
What do you do if you find a sleeping rabbit, a stewing pot, a fireplace with fuelings and starter, some select vegetables, a bottle of your favorite French/Californian(HUH??) Red wine with corkscrewer, Elmer Fudd's cookbook, and a ravinous hunger?
Robert Zaleski
Oct16-03, 04:36 PM
I'd hire a cook to make me a stew, then refuse to pay by stating, " There's a hare in my stew".
What is the name of the cook that cooked the hare stew?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct17-03, 11:16 AM
Originally posted by Robert Zaleski
What is the name of the cook that cooked the hare stew?
"Stew Hairris"
What do you do if you are sitting at home with a match, a book, a TV remote control, but no TV, A stereo blasting Acid rock out of six speakers, four police handcuffs sets, and not a clue what to do?
zoobyshoe
Oct18-03, 01:25 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you are sitting at home with a match, a book, a TV remote control, but no TV, A stereo blasting Acid rock out of six speakers, four police handcuffs sets, and not a clue what to do?
Back on my home planet of Zoobonia this would be considered a perfect time to make some crank phone calls. Once I called the President of Zoobonia and, mimicking his wife's voice, told him to get home because our brush nest was on fire. Then I called his wife and, mimicking his voice, told her to set the brush nest on fire because I'd found lice in my body hair. I hid and watched what happened when he got there and asked her how the fire started. It was better than "I Love Lucy".
What do you do if you're lying in bed and a large, hairy arm comes in through the window and starts groping around near your head?
Zargawee
Oct20-03, 01:13 PM
What do you do if you're lying in bed and a large, hairy arm comes in through the window and starts groping around near your head?
ask the arm peacfull to move ... or object in the security consle.
What do you do if you have more than 2 hands ?
einsteinian77
Oct20-03, 08:37 PM
Play the piano very fast
What would you do if you had one more day left to live?
StephenPrivitera
Oct21-03, 12:09 AM
Originally posted by einsteinian77
Play the piano very fast
What would you do if you had one more day left to live? Depends on how I expect to die.
zoobyshoe
Oct21-03, 12:28 AM
What do you do if all the king's horses and all the king's men can put you back together again, they do, but then make you the love slave of the obese Queen?
Astrophysics
Oct21-03, 03:50 AM
Originally posted by einsteinian77
Play the piano very fast
What would you do if you had one more day left to live?
Try to run as fast as I could, maybe that way death can't catch up with.
What do you do if Death suddenly comes riding in his ferrari and you're out of breath?
Astrophysics
Oct21-03, 03:52 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if all the king's horses and all the king's men can put you back together again, they do, but then make you the love slave of the obese Queen?
Be greatful and live happely ever after
What do you do if someone posted an anwser without a question and someone else posted a question without an anwser?
zoobyshoe
Oct21-03, 04:08 AM
Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if someone posted an anwser without a question and someone else posted a question without an anwser?
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and time how long it seems.
What do you do if you're trying to outrun Death, but he's driving a Ferrari?
Astrophysics
Oct21-03, 04:52 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and time how long it seems.
What do you do if you're trying to outrun Death, but he's driving a Ferrari?
Ask him to stop over, since he was driving to slow.
What do you do if you read a question and suddenly it seems u're having a deja-vu?
Zargawee
Oct21-03, 08:36 AM
What do you do if you read a question and suddenly it seems u're having a deja-vu?
Tell Neo and friends about this , so that we don't get uncovered.
What do you do if what you have in life was just a used pen, dirty toothbrush, the colthes you're wearing and 2 US Dollars ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct23-03, 12:14 PM
Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if what you have in life was just a used pen, dirty toothbrush, the colthes you're wearing and 2 US Dollars ?
Use the pen to write out a smiling (means brush your teeth) movie script, sell that to a "Wealthy Movie Mogel", and then, live happily on two dollars a day! for the rest of your life!
What do you do if you have a headless pumpkin??
Robert Zaleski
Oct23-03, 04:00 PM
What do you do if you have a headless pumpkin??
I'd send the headless pumpkin to the patch up on the hill.
After the pumpkins been patched up where would you find the headless horseman?
zoobyshoe
Oct24-03, 04:33 AM
Originally posted by Robert Zaleski
After the pumpkins been patched up where would you find the headless horseman?
At home with the headless wife, Claire, and headless kids watching headless TV, or polishing up the Plymouth Satellite.
What do you do if you're strolling around casually on the wing of a jumbo jet in flight, and you notice there's a passenger staring out the window at you in horror?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct24-03, 11:02 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're strolling around casually on the wing of a jumbo jet in flight, and you notice there's a passenger staring out the window at you in horror?
Quickly write them a note explaining that, as soon as the plane uses enough of it's fuel, you are going to jump into the fuel tank, to ride out the rest of the trip, in comfort!
What do you do if the guy next to you in the fuel tank, pulls out a half piece of a 'stoggie' and then asks you for a light!??
zoobyshoe
Oct25-03, 06:23 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if the guy next to you in the fuel tank, pulls out a half piece of a 'stoggie' and then asks you for a light!??
I would explain to him that you've never enjoyed a cigar so much as one smoked in freefall and then toss him out.
What do you do if, when you arrive home you find a flat corpse in your yard with a stogie in its mouth?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct25-03, 03:24 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, when you arrive home you find a flat corpse in your yard with a stogie in its mouth?
Offer them a light!
What do you do if while lighting the cigar butt of the corpse in your front yard, it explodes, ending pieces of the person, flying about the street, people come out of their houses, see the blood, and declare it a "State of EmErgency" (due to the related blood disease rates/possiblities) which in turn causes a panic to occur as people try to do everything possible to avoid all of the blood you spattered everywhere, so because of 'The Threat' the State Troopers come to arrest, you charging you with "Inciting A Riot", how do you plead??
phoenixthoth
Oct25-03, 05:17 PM
you get on the internet and ask what to do on this thread.
what do you do if you ask what to do on this thread and their answer is, "you get on the internet and ask what to do on this thread?"
Robert Zaleski
Oct26-03, 02:26 PM
what do you do if you ask what to do on this thread and their answer is, "you get on the internet and ask what to do on this thread?"
I'd scream out,"Phoenixthoth, you've driven us onto the Mobius Strip highway".
How do find the exit from the Mobius Strip highway?
phoenixthoth
Oct26-03, 04:09 PM
most of the time, the last place you look for something is where you find it (unless you continue the search after you find it). therefore, look in the last place you would look for the exit.
what do you do if after you die, you find yourself in a never-ending "got milk" commercial?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct26-03, 04:42 PM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if after you die, you find yourself in a never-ending "got milk" commercial?
Smile alot, and ask, where do you spend those paycheques?
What do you do if you spend all of your paycheques, and need an additional five dollar$ ($5.00) to get back into heaven?
phoenixthoth
Oct26-03, 05:12 PM
i would sell my soul on ebay for $5.
what do you do if heaven refuses you since you don't have a soul anymore and the buyer won't refund your money in exchange for your soul back?
zoobyshoe
Oct27-03, 01:18 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if heaven refuses you since you don't have a soul anymore and the buyer won't refund your money in exchange for your soul back?
You could start your own little corner of the afterlife called "Thothen" and start refusing people entry according to your whims.
What do you do if you take the top off the garbage can to put the trash in and a six-legged, hard-shelled creature with a face like Robert DeNiro and a tail like a gila monster skitters out and crawls under the house?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct27-03, 09:35 AM
Originally asked by a running, and frightened, zoobyshoe
What do you do if you take the top off the garbage can to put the trash in and a six-legged, hard-shelled creature with a face like Robert DeNiro and a tail like a gila monster skitters out and crawls under the house?
You call upon the 'Great Pumpkin' to rise up out of the Pumpkin Patch and slay the Insectizoidial lizardlike'asaurus by raining down upon it's corporealness a shower of pumkin seeds, as to inudate THE THING to immobility!
What do you do if once imobile, and covered with pumpkin seeds, (directly from the "Great Pumpkin" himself!!) you realize that you have no place to make a Bar B'Q?
zoobyshoe
Oct27-03, 09:50 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if once imobile, and covered with pumpkin seeds, (directly from the "Great Pumpkin" himself!!) you realize that you have no place to make a Bar B'Q?
You donate the carcass to the world famous Museum Of Strange And DeNiroesque Phenomena (Ivan Seeking's cousin, Igor Seeking is the head docent there, by the way), in exchange for a free pass to the world famous Museum Of Strange And Brandoesque Phenomena next door (alot of fat things in there).
What do you do if a tree falls over in the woods right in front of you and doesn't make the slightest sound?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct27-03, 10:01 AM
Originally posted by a silent zoobyshoe
What do you do if a tree falls over in the woods right in front of you and doesn't make the slightest sound?
Remove your earphones!! whatelse!!
What do you do if when you remove your earphones and the hearing protection stops, you are suddenly met with a cacophony of deliterious noises that are 'tattooing' your eardrums??
zoobyshoe
Oct27-03, 10:14 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if when you remove your earphones and the hearing protection stops, you are suddenly met with a cacophony of deliterious noises that are 'tattooing' your eardrums??
Then you know that you are in a remake of "The Birds" with an all-Woodpecker cast.
What do you do if you forget to feed the neighbor hood stray cat and you wake up one morning to find him maniacally chewing on your arm?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct27-03, 10:47 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you forget to feed the neighbor hood stray cat and you wake up one morning to find him maniacally chewing on your arm?
Collapse the cats wavefunction using the energy to remake your missing arm parts!
What do you do if while out strolling around 'the grounds', you are abducted??
Robert Zaleski
Oct27-03, 03:03 PM
I, as the abductee, would surrender unabashed to my abductor and then immediately abdicate my position as abductee. Whereby, my abductor would release me and take my successor as his abductee.
Where did my abduction specifically take place?
zoobyshoe
Oct27-03, 06:45 PM
Originally posted by Robert Zaleski Where did my abduction specifically take place?
As specified, it took place on "the grounds". What that means is the estate you have been supposing is your private country manor is, in fact, a facility for the sequestration of the "reality challenged".
What do you do if the master of the Brain Teaser thread stil doesn't get the difference between a stupid quetion and a "What do you do if" question after all this time?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct28-03, 10:42 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the master of the Brain Teaser thread stil doesn't get the difference between a stupid quetion and a "What do you do if" question after all this time?
Ask the Master a "Stupid Quention" in the form of A "What do you do if" question, it's in a 'Stupid Quention' format, so they won't have a clue what to do, if??
What do you do if your outside, but you are surrounded by four walls, a floor, and a ceiling?
Zargawee
Oct29-03, 12:28 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your outside, but you are surrounded by four walls, a floor, and a ceiling?
I would try to figure out how come I get trapped Outside .
]What do you do if you met someone you should know, but you don't remember, and this person is talking to you and remembers everything about you ?
BTW: I hate these situations so much !
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct29-03, 06:51 PM
Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if you met someone you should know, but you don't remember, and this person is talking to you and remembers everything about you ?
Pretend to be his Evil tWin brother.
What do you do if you are pretenting to be the 'Evil tWin' brother, and he shows up!!?? [o)]
Keep pretending because only I and my twin would know who's who.
what do you do if your head fuses to a wall?
zoobyshoe
Oct30-03, 03:57 PM
Originally posted by Andy what do you do if your head fuses to a wall?
Oh, Andy! That is a very tough question. I always sucked at head to wall fusion problems in my Human Anatomy To Building Structure Fusion Physics classes, so I'm going to have to pass on this one.
What do you do if your pinky finger fuses to a window pane? (This one's elementary, anyone can get this one.)
sandinmyears
Oct30-03, 05:09 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if your pinky finger fuses to a window pane? (This one's elementary, anyone can get this one.) [/B]
A: Take some PANE killer for it.
Q: What do you do if you want to visit a particle zoo and it is closed?
Zargawee
Oct31-03, 02:50 AM
Q: What do you do if you want to visit a particle zoo and it is closed?
Trun on the TV , and watch Discovery Channel :P
What do you do if you have only 1$ ?
zoobyshoe
Oct31-03, 07:05 AM
Originally posted by Zargawee What do you do if you have only 1$ ? [/B]
Start a religious cult which claims that money is evil and that God has revealed to you that if you can only purify enough souls in the world by getting them to abandon their money (by giving it to you) then paradise will exist on earth.
What do you do if you slip and fall into a spring-fed pool while holding a fistfull of pebbles and crying out "See? See?", and once under the water, you are approached by a goldfish named Harold, who signals in American Goldfish Sign Language that your trouser fly is unzipped, your shoestrings are untied, and your Mudah wears army boots?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Oct31-03, 12:23 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you slip and fall into a spring-fed pool while holding a fistfull of pebbles and crying out "See? See?", and once under the water, you are approached by a goldfish named Harold, who signals in American Goldfish Sign Language that your trouser fly is unzipped, your shoestrings are untied, and your Mudah wears army boots?
You grab Harold by the tail, smack him over the head with your rocks, dropping them in the process, thus bouyancy starts you back to the surface where you grab a plastic bag, fill it with water, placing Harold into the bag, and going to the local theater. There, you rent the theater stage for the next month, start sending out everywhere the advertizing telling everyone that you have a TALKING GOLDFISH!!, that will bring you in the capital you need to start all of the lawsuits that you are now going to file against everyone who never responded to you when you said "See! See!"
What do you do if your talking goldfish only speaks in "Franglais"??
sandinmyears
Nov1-03, 11:40 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your talking goldfish only speaks in "Franglais"?? [/B]
A: Send him to New Orleans next Mardi Gras (Fat Wednesday). I hear they have Goldfish Swallowing contests there during their parades each year. [8)]
Q: What do you do if you daughter dressed like Einstein for Halloween and now you can't get off the makeup?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov1-03, 05:44 PM
Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: What do you do if you daughter dressed like Einstein for Halloween and now you can't get off the makeup?
Push her tongue back into her mouth*, give her a good hair wash, and cut, styled to whatever attracts the least amount of attention towards her now oversized nose, and prey that no one notices.
What do you do if you don't actually have a daughter, but she still looks like Einstein?? Huh?
*(Einsteins famous picture)
I wont do anything, just let my wife sort the mess out.
What do you do if I giant Marzipan monster comes after you and wont stop at anything until he has killed you.
zoobyshoe
Nov2-03, 06:45 AM
Originally posted by Andy What do you do if I giant Marzipan monster comes after you and wont stop at anything until he has killed you.
Since Marzipan is a mixture of honey and ground almonds most people being persued make the mistake of running to the nearest body of water and jumping in with the mistaken notion the monster will dissolve upon hitting the water. In fact, it takes hours for a Marzipan monster to dissolve in water. So, avoid this common mistake and go for setting it on fire somehow, instead.
What do you do if you're hit from behind by a particularly intense blast of Gamma Rays, from a Gamma Ray Burst somewhere out in space while you are photographing the Queen of England and all that shows up on the negative is an x-ray of your own chest?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov2-03, 09:34 AM
Originally posted by a 'slightly glowing' zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're hit from behind by a particularly intense blast of Gamma Rays, from a Gamma Ray Burst somewhere out in space while you are photographing the Queen of England and all that shows up on the negative is an x-ray of your own chest?
Don't tell anyone that it is really your chest x-ray, tell them all it was a supernatural phenomenon and you captured one the the Queens dead ancestors on film, (Develop the positive!!) and sell your story, to the tabloids, for "Mililililililillions of Dollars", take all of the money you get, and spend the rest of your life, travelling the world, investing in all the 'right' flourishing stocks/bonds/markets, and sharing your wealth, of spirit, and life by assisting in charitable fundraising, and funding, for the rest of the needy in the world!
What do you do if you follow that path but find in less then half of your lifetime there are no more 'Needy' left?
sandinmyears
Nov2-03, 01:46 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you follow that path but find in less then half of your lifetime there are no more 'Needy' left? [/B]
A: Join me in reading "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. (My favorite poet BTW). I'm probably the only one on this forum who thinks with the left side of the brain.
Q: What do they (the DMV) do if you take "The Road Not Taken?" Do they have to re-name it: "The Road Once Taken?"
zoobyshoe
Nov3-03, 09:06 AM
Originally posted by sandinmyears What do they (the DMV) do if you take "The Road Not Taken?" Do they have to re-name it: "The Road Once Taken?"
I immagine they'll rename it "Frost Heave Road".
What do you do if you're riding down Frost Heave Road in a chariot pulled by Kangaroos and with each jump they only cover half the remaining distance to your destination?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov3-03, 09:52 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're riding down Frost Heave Road in a chariot pulled by Kangaroos and with each jump they only cover half the remaining distance to your destination?
Same thing I always do when travelling to Xeno's place, call ahead and have the inn moved!
What do you do if A halloween pumpkin chased you down the road, last night, yelling at you that he was going to "get you back" for what you did, on Devils night?
EDIT added the 'i' to the word thng to make thing
Zargawee
Nov4-03, 11:49 AM
What do you do if A halloween pumpkin chased you down the road, last night, yelling at you that he was going to "get you back" for what you did, on Devils night?
Get my knife and fight the new monster, and then EAT it :D
What do you do if you were asked to sing at the radio and while singing you suddenly choked ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov4-03, 12:32 PM
Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if you were asked to sing at the radio and while singing you suddenly choked ?
Go from choking, to gagging, to spitting, to raging, to laughing, as to make it seem like it's all a part of the chorus!
What do you do if "The Great Pumpkin" rises up in the Pumpkin patch, tonight, and shouts out; "I'm Coming to get you!!"?
i will wake up [;)]
what do you do if you were a donut in hands of 6 years old boy?
zoobyshoe
Nov15-03, 11:04 PM
Originally posted by MSI what do you do if you were a donut in hands of 6 years old boy?
It's funny you should ask that quetion because once, when I was riding aboard a steam locomotive bound for Tierra del Fuego via Bogota and Buenos Aires, a donut vendor came on board and began selling his greasy topographical monstrosities as the finest chicken feed that could be had. He began to demonstrate how the donuts could be slipped over the feet of the chickens who were sharing the train car with us, such that the birds became responsible for carrying their own food supply. He sold out. A couple hours later when all the chickens were dead, slippery, and crumby, he was nowhere to be found.
What do you do if your teenage daughter comes home unexpectedly from college and walks in on you while you're dressed up like Albert Einstein standing in front of a blackboard in the living room giving a lecture to an imaginary group of students?
phoenixthoth
Nov16-03, 02:20 AM
bend over and kiss your *** goodbye.
what do you do if you're debra messing and you have no ***?
zoobyshoe
Nov16-03, 03:31 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you're debra messing and you have no ***?
?
What do you do if you wake up in a perpendicular universe where your favorite website is suddenly some sort of cyber-billboard?
phoenixthoth
Nov16-03, 03:34 AM
then you can at least feel glad that everything is going all right in "opposite world."
what do you do if someone answers a "what do you do if" question with "?"?
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if someone answers a "what do you do if" question with "?"?
What an amazing coincidence; this just happened recently. Apparently the preferred course of action is to ignore it and ask another "what do you do if" question. This is clearly the wrong choice as anyone who has spent 5 lifetimes studying What-do-you-do-if-ology can clearly explain to a 2 year-old. Since I haven't spent even 1 lifetime studying this topic, I'll just shrug my shoulders, whistle "Downtown", and move along....
What do you do if you can't whistle?
You clap your hands and praise the Lord!
What do you do if you dont beleive?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov17-03, 03:27 PM
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if you dont beleive?
Learn to spell, properly, and keep the Faith!
What do you do if your faith isn't the right one, but you only find that out, on the day before your death?
i will just say **** life!!!!!!
what do you do if you know that you will die the next week?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov20-03, 09:29 AM
Originally posted by MSI
what do you do if you know that you will die the next week?
Find out for yourself that sometimes you just have to admit you were wrong, and go on living...
What do you do if you find yourself lost, on an internet comedy page, with no exit, no "stage left", no door, no way out!!?? ([o)]YIKES!!![o)])
physicskid
Nov20-03, 10:09 AM
Press the on off switch of my computer
and watch my computer monitor go black.
(what's a comedy page anyway?!)
What do you do if you find yourself in a rubbish dump with all sorts of rotten stuff?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov20-03, 02:47 PM
Originally posted by physicskid
What do you do if you find yourself in a rubbish dump with all sorts of rotten stuff?
Realize that you are on a "comedy page"!
What do you do if you live in a rubbish dump on the belief that "Ones man's trash is another man's treasure", and you are still waiting for that 'man" to show up??
benzun_1999
Nov21-03, 01:58 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Realize that you are on a "comedy page"!
What do you do if you live in a rubbish dump on the belief that "Ones man's trash is another man's treasure", and you are still waiting for that 'man" to show up??
I would be out of my mind.
What would you do if there is no garbage(waste)??????????[t)]
-benzun
Think Positive
physicskid
Nov21-03, 08:20 AM
Thank God a BILLION times because there would be no more flys sticking to your body persistently!!!
What do you do if your mom threaten you with a knife to marry a beggar?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov21-03, 09:33 AM
Originally posted by physicskid
What do you do if your mom threaten you with a knife to marry a beggar?
Give yourself up for adoption..
What do you do if people keep asking psychologically un-balanced questions?
physicskid
Nov22-03, 09:12 PM
What do you do if people keep asking psychologically un-balanced questions?
Ans: Don't answer them.
What do you do if you woke out and found yourself plunging down a 5km high cliff?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov23-03, 11:06 AM
Originally posted by physicskid
What do you do if you woke out and found yourself plunging down a 5km high cliff?
SpreadEagle and FLY!
What do you do if you find yourself lost on a planet that has little gravity, but the surface is made out of a stick substance that will not allow you to achieve escape velocity, and your food/water/air supplies are running low, in the now failed craft of your voyage there?
Die quietly with minimal fuss!
What do you do if you where like a fish and when you ****, it was longer than your entire body and you couldnt shake it off?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov24-03, 09:30 AM
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if you where like a fish and when you ****, it was longer than your entire body and you couldnt shake it off?
Start singing "Me, and my Shadow"!
What do you do if you have gone off quietly, and died, with a minimal fuss?
one_raven
Nov25-03, 05:27 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you have gone off quietly, and died, with a minimal fuss?
Come back and haunt with a vengance.
What do you do if you find yourself so utterly bored at 6:26 AM that you not only read, but actually respond to this thread?
zoobyshoe
Nov25-03, 06:01 AM
Originally posted by one_raven What do you do if you find yourself so utterly bored at 6:26 AM that you not only read, but actually respond to this thread?
You know, it's funny you should ask that question because once, back before optics were understood as they are today, there was a young man who ws very bored at 6:26 AM and couldn't wait for the sun to fully rise so he could examine the palm of his hand under a magnifying glass. Some think he was about to debunk the whole arena of palm reading, others that he was on the verge of discovering everyone's fingerprints are unique, others thought he was just going to burn himself. A large crowd gathered, impatiently awaiting the results of the experiment. When at last he raised the magnifying glass to his eye and looked through it at his palm, he said: "I spent 20 minutes composing a fascinating and byzantine response to Mr. Robin Parson's last question, but before I could post it, someone jumped in with a bit of fluff they had carelessly tossed off, and now I got nothin'."
What do you do if, while you're crawling on all fours toward a gutter or ditch you frequent in your spare time you find an envelope addressed to Mr. Robin Parsons, and, upon holding it up to the sun you can read through the paper to see that it is a request from the CIA that he stop sending them doctored photographs showing the current Prime Minister of Canada peering out of the corner sixth floor window of the Texas School Book Depository holding a Mannlicher Carbine rifle?
one_raven
Nov25-03, 06:10 AM
What do you do if, while you're crawling on all fours toward a gutter or ditch you frequent...Mannlicher Carbine rifle?
Blackmail him to cover the hefty fee they charge at the Betty Ford Clinic.
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
You know, it's funny you should ask that question because once, back before optics were understood as they are today, there was a young man who ws very bored at 6:26 AM and couldn't wait for the sun to fully rise so he could examine the palm of his hand under a magnifying glass. Some think he was about to debunk the whole arena of palm reading, others that he was on the verge of discovering everyone's fingerprints are unique, others thought he was just going to burn himself. A large crowd gathered, impatiently awaiting the results of the experiment. When at last he raised the magnifying glass to his eye and looked through it at his palm, he said: "I spent 20 minutes composing a fascinating and byzantine response to Mr. Robin Parson's last question, but before I could post it, someone jumped in with a bit of fluff they had carelessly tossed off, and now I got nothin'."
That would suck.
What do you do if THAT happens?
zoobyshoe
Nov25-03, 07:49 AM
Originally posted by one_raven What do you do if THAT happens?
Consider the following course of action a person in that situation might take: he might crawl on all fours toward the closet where he keeps a large store of theatrical costumes, and select his tried and true, historically accurate, Leo Slizzard costume. Having donned it he might then fly to Princeton, N.J., USA, and wander the campus muttering to himself "I must find Professor Einstein and warn him." This would be a very entertaining time killer indeed. Then, when the bored and careless respondent has gone off line, he could then sit and compose a long, creative response, in the hope that someone will respond in kind.
What do you do if, while dressed up as Forest Gump you go out and sit at a bus stop with a box of chocolates, but instead of being joined on the bench by a little old lady you are joined on the bench by Mr. Robin Parsons dressed up as a little old lady?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov25-03, 11:05 AM
Originally posted by the Assitant to the Prime Minister of Canada (HUH?? what??) Zoo-by-shoe-d
What do you do if, while dressed up as Forest Gump you go out and sit at a bus stop with a box of chocolates, but instead of being joined on the bench by a little old lady you are joined on the bench by Mr. Robin Parsons dressed up as a little old lady?
Stop and ask him where did he get that exquisite outfit, and who tailored it to fit sooooooooo well for him! (and NO!!! you don't get NO chocolate!!!!)
What do you do if you keep writing the Prime Minster of Canada, not only does he never respond, but you see him on television, and you hear him speaking something you wrote to him, presenting it to the press, as if it were his own work!!???
zoobyshoe
Nov25-03, 04:05 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you keep writing the Prime Minster of Canada, not only does he never respond, but you see him on television, and you hear him speaking something you wrote to him, presenting it to the press, as if it were his own work!!???
What you do is pull your mind together and realize that he seems to be speaking your words because he is you, you are he, the walrus is Paul, and Mr. Robin Parsons is simply one of the many alter egos invented by the Prime Minister during his years of suffering from muliple personality disorder.
What do you do if, when crawling on all fours from your tent toward the Prime Minister's palace to take your rightful place as leader of Canada, now that your personality confusion has cleared up, you suddenly remember that the last time you left the palace a few years before, you forgot to unplug your little water heater that you used to make tea in the second floor office?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov25-03, 06:46 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, when crawling on all fours from your tent toward the Prime Minister's palace to take your rightful place as leader of Canada, now that your personality confusion has cleared up, you suddenly remember that the last time you left the palace a few years before, you forgot to unplug your little water heater that you used to make tea in the second floor office?
Call my aide, blame them, and have them F-I-R-E-D for it!!!!!
What do you do if you cede copyright in a piece of writing entitled "Qualifieing Quantifiable Democray" to the Prime Minster of Canada, this particular piece of writting involves the referendum, (and the calculable math involved in that) soon to be held in Quebec as to cede it from the rest of Canada, is now before the Supreme Court of Canada, as they decide the legalities of the proposed referendum, your words are holding to the logic of mathematics as it pertains to the outcome of referendum voting, the piece makes it certain and clear that the operative need is for a "Clear Majority", (based upon proper mathematical accounting of persons voting) and, after the Court rules, all you hear in the news, for days, weeks, months on end are your words being repeated, over, and over again, "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority", what do you do???
P.S. the names have not been changed, as to protect the innocent!
zoobyshoe
Nov26-03, 08:40 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you cede copyright in a piece of writing entitled "Qualifieing Quantifiable Democray" to the Prime Minster of Canada, this particular piece of writting involves the referendum, (and the calculable math involved in that) soon to be held in Quebec as to cede it from the rest of Canada, is now before the Supreme Court of Canada, as they decide the legalities of the proposed referendum, your words are holding to the logic of mathematics as it pertains to the outcome of referendum voting, the piece makes it certain and clear that the operative need is for a "Clear Majority", (based upon proper mathematical accounting of persons voting) and, after the Court rules, all you hear in the news, for days, weeks, months on end are your words being repeated, over, and over again, "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority" "Clear Majority", what do you do???
P.S. the names have not been changed, as to protect the innocent!
Clearly you have a major power to put words in people's mouths. Therefore, write an essay containing the line "Send all your money to Mr. Robin Parsons", cede the copywrite, and deliver it to the very same above politicians. Soon the line will be repeated all over Canada.
What do you do if recent solar flares cause a widespread outbreak of bad posture leading the Canadian Government to replace the phrase "Clear Majority" with the phrase "Hunchbacked Majority"?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov26-03, 11:07 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if recent solar flares cause a widespread outbreak of bad posture leading the Canadian Government to replace the phrase "Clear Majority" with the phrase "Hunchbacked Majority"?
Hope that this 'policy' winds up having the same effect as their past policy efforts at getting all Canadians to paint their cars Pink!! (so that they could tell everyone that they all lived in a Pink Carnation)
What do you do if you find yourself following zoobyshoe around, for a day in his life, and you find out that he is actually the Assitant Undersecretary to the "Chief of Statistical Infloormation" at the bureau of "Past/Present/Futur Floors" in Romania?
zoobyshoe
Nov26-03, 05:58 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you find yourself following zoobyshoe around, for a day in his life, and you find out that he is actually the Assitant Undersecretary to the "Chief of Statistical Infloormation" at the bureau of "Past/Present/Futur Floors" in Romania?
It would become vital to kidnap him and subject him to sodium pentathol interrogation given the importance of the state of Romanian floors, and indeed all horizontal planes in Romania, to the continued well being of humanity.
What do you do if, while bringing a truckload of refuse to the local landfill, you are waiting in line and the man in the truck behind you gets out of his vehicle, startles you by rapping on your window, and says "Did you know you have President Bush in the back of your truck?"
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov26-03, 06:17 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while bringing a truckload of refuse to the local landfill, you are waiting in line and the man in the truck behind you gets out of his vehicle, startles you by rapping on your window, and says "Did you know you have President Bush in the back of your truck?"
Thats Jerry!! I know him, Ya, that's exactly what he said to me last week, he's such a joker, he had actually placed some sorta "carcass" looking thing, that really did resemble your 'Prez' slightly, (he musta done a pretty good job come to think of it, it really did look a bit like that guy on TV) but he was a rollin on the floor laughing his buttocks off as he saw me standing at the back of my truck looking in, so I knews he was "just a joking" so I shot that 'gimic' into the crusher, and watched it squish that pile of rubbish into the smallest little thing you ever did see.........Humm, come to think of it, anyone seen President Bush around.......lately?
What do you do if Oooops, it really was your President in the back of my trash truck, and your the one who is found to have placed his dead carcass there!!???? What do you do??
phoenixthoth
Nov26-03, 06:26 PM
you praise allah that while you're in an unfortunate situation at least you're not in a worse situation.
what do you do if you're in a worse situation?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov27-03, 11:15 AM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you're in a worse situation?
Recall how much better everything was in "The Good old days"
What do you do if your an amnesiac, and cannot remember "The good old days"??
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Recall how much better everything was in "The Good old days"
What do you do if your an amnesiac, and cannot remember "The good old days"??
Sit around and do nothing, eventually you'll also forget that you're in a worse situation.
What do you do you're being given a wedgie and a noogie at the same time?
phoenixthoth
Nov28-03, 02:26 PM
i would get medevial on their *** with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch.
what do you do if instead of a pair of pliers and a blowtorch, you just have a pair of pliers?
zoobyshoe
Nov29-03, 08:22 PM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if instead of a pair of pliers and a blowtorch, you just have a pair of pliers?
I spent the day on the phone calling people for advice about this problem: two auto mechanics, three machinists, five welders, and one professor of medieval history. They're thinking it over. In the meantime grab the person by the nose with the pliers and hold them untill this issue is resolved.
What do you do if, as a member of an FBI swat team, you burst into Phoenixthoth's garage to find him whipping up a batch of C4, only to have him throw his hands up in surrender saying "I wasn't going to use it for evil! I wasn't going to use it for evil!"?
phoenixthoth
Nov30-03, 01:17 AM
that would be a particularly interesting "what if" for me since i am phoenixthoth. i'd probably wonder if the other person was a long lost twin with the same name or perhaps one of us has crossed the barrier that separates universes. i'd shoot him in the skull and let God sort him out. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! then i'd use the C4 for evil purposes.
what do you do if when you're in a similar situation and after killing your doppleganger, are about use his explosives, and another version of you working for the fbi shows up? would you get the hint or would you (meaning the new one from the fbi) continue this cycle of violence?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Nov30-03, 04:54 PM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if when you're in a similar situation and after killing your doppleganger, are about use his explosives, and another version of you working for the fbi shows up? would you get the hint or would you (meaning the new one from the fbi) continue this cycle of violence?
Both at the same time = End of Story!
What do you do if, the stories over?
zoobyshoe
Nov30-03, 10:09 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if, the stories over?
This would be a good opportunity to wash all the floors n Romania.
What do you do if a singer of sad songs with a hurdy gurdy and a monkey with a pegleg, comes down your street one day, coasting along in his autogiro, parks outside your house, and knocks on the door asking if you have any spare diesel fuel?
I ask him if he can tell me how his hurdy gurdy works in the form of a sad song.
what do you do if while listening to his sad song about his hurdy gurdy you suddenly realize that you don't have any spare diesel fuel and in a violent rage his monkey attempts to attack you with his pegleg?[:D]
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec3-03, 07:42 PM
Originally posted by revesz
what do you do if while listening to his sad song about his hurdy gurdy you suddenly realize that you don't have any spare diesel fuel and in a violent rage his monkey attempts to attack you with his pegleg?[:D]
WOW you were there? You saw that? and you didn't come forward at the trial to help me to recoop the losses that I took on that stupid primate, and his chimp? I should od to you the same thing I did to that chimp, using that primate again!
What do you do if the question asked, is answered, but the answer leaves you, sorta/kinda/maybelike un-satisfied, until you mull it over, over a pint of ale, that is soaked in earwax that was coating the glass?
I would remain un-satisfied with the answer, to avoid having to clean the ear wax off the glass when I'm done.
What do you do if you change your mind, and decide you would rather have a sense of satisfaction, but cannot remember where you left your earwax?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec3-03, 08:50 PM
Originally posted by revesz
What do you do if you change your mind, and decide you would rather have a sense of satisfaction, but cannot remember where you left your earwax?
Listen closely, and it will (eventually) show up!
What do you do if, while 'listening closely' to your own ears, you hear the wax about to drip, out, and you have nothing sanitary to catch it in, except the full beer in front of you?
Assuming that a beer soaked in ear wax would have the same effect as the pint of ale I would allow the wax to drip in my beer.
What do you do if, upon the wax dripping into the full beer, the rightful owner of the beverage asks for his drink back, unaware of the ear wax in it?
zoobyshoe
Dec3-03, 10:09 PM
Originally posted by revesz What do you do if, upon the wax dripping into the full beer, the rightful owner of the beverage asks for his drink back, unaware of the ear wax in it?
Having consulted the accepted masterpiece on the subject, The Social Responsibilities Of Ear Wax Production, by Betty Anne Mannerly, I find the following :
"In cases where it is evident that another person might unintentionally ingest the ear wax of someone else, all buildings within a one mile radius should be evacuated and an alert should be issued by the nearest Center For Disease Control.
What do you do if, while riding your yak toward your home village a man on a bicycle coming toward you begins to shout "Go back! Go back! All the ale mugs are tainted with ear wax!" ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec4-03, 06:03 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while riding your yak toward your home village a man on a bicycle coming toward you begins to shout "Go back! Go back! All the ale mugs are tainted with ear wax!" ?
Grab the guy, haul him off of the raod, and check the bicycle, cause from years of beer/ear wax indulgencies experience I can easily attest to the fact of the matter being that, if the guy is telling you the truth about the earwax tainted beer mugs, then the wheels of his bicycle must have residues of said wax, (*It's the Law!! Dammit!!*) and the removal of even the slightest of ear wax residue from the guys bike tires will cause such an imbalance to him in his riding that he should fall over sidewards after simply twelve (21) feet of travel, (forwards OR backwards!) at which point you should be able to reach into his coat pocket and find the "Officially and Authoritatively, the One, and Only 'Ear Wax Recovery' Tool" cause nicely equiped with that, your summer plans of scaling Mount St Helens (*naked*) will be 1/64th of the way there!
What do you do if after having typed out a long, sensible, coherent, sane, lucid, physcologically balanced, responce, you now find you have nothing to say/ask?
zoobyshoe
Dec4-03, 06:15 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if after having typed out a long, sensible, coherent, sane, lucid, physcologically balanced, responce, you now find you have nothing to say/ask?
Yes, sometime just answering takes all one's literary strength. What you do, then, is to let your mind meander among the far away stars and planets, the remote corners of the unconscious and subconscious, the strange alleyways of strange cities, into peculiar books both comic and literary, and something should occur to you. If not, resort to bodily functions.
What do you do if you are strolling down a strange alleyway in a strange city and a strange vagrant says something strange to you in a strange language, and you look it up in a strange phrase book and what he has said is: "Everything OK with you bowel-wise?"?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Yes, sometime just answering takes all one's literary strength. What you do, then, is to let your mind meander among the far away stars and planets, the remote corners of the unconscious and subconscious, the strange alleyways of strange cities, into peculiar books both comic and literary, and something should occur to you. If not, resort to bodily functions.
What do you do if you are strolling down a strange alleyway in a strange city and a strange vagrant says something strange to you in a strange language, and you look it up in a strange phrase book and what he has said is: "Everything OK with you bowel-wise?"?
I'd say, yes.
What do you do if you found out that your mom is really a man?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec4-03, 08:05 PM
Originally posted by Rockdog
What do you do if you found out that your mom is really a man?
Go Ask your DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you do if Dad, doesn't know?
zoobyshoe
Dec5-03, 01:15 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if Dad, doesn't know?
I would arrange for a private screening of the accepted masterpiece on the subject, Glenn or Glenda? by Ed Wood Jr. and ponder it for answers.
On a recent excursion to the observatory at Mt. Palomar, Ca. USA, I had the honor of looking through the big scope at the planet Pluto, which, it turns out, is not unlike an old brown bag full of greasy little doughnuts, with alot of tiny Plutonians running around all over the surface, touching antennae as they meet each other, in the manner of ants. The keeper of the scope said I could pick any Plutonian I wanted and name it, and they would write its name down in the book of Plutonian names they keep there, next to the scope. What would you do if you were given the opportunity to name a Plutonian?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What would you do if you were given the opportunity to name a Plutonian?
Call it Peefah.
What would you do if suddenly everyone could read your mind and there was not a thought you could keep to yourself?
What would you do if suddenly everyone could read your mind and there was not a thought you could keep to yourself?
Think about how everybody knows what im thinking and then think about what they are thinking about since they are thinking about what your thinking about and then say...YOU SUCK!
What would you do if you made a boul of Fruity Loops cereal and saw that they were all one colour?
zoobyshoe
Dec5-03, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by d00dz What would you do if you made a boul of Fruity Loops cereal and saw that they were all one colour?
If they were all one colour and not all one color, I would naturally assume they had been manufactured in Canada.
What do you do if, on top of that, your boul keeps trying to change into a bowl, and your Fruity Loops keep trying to change into Fruit Loops?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec5-03, 03:32 PM
Originally posted by d00dz
What would you do if you made a boul of Fruity Loops cereal and saw that they were all one colour?
Drink up the milk to find the ones that sank to the bottom.
What would you do if while drinking up the milk you were suddenly absorbed into the bowl, arriving in your own past, at you grandmothers house, out in the dog houe and Rover was just punished for ** ** ing on the lawn by being kept in the doghouse, but he still has the "Runs" that made him go in the first place, and you can't get out, can't yell, cause of all of that cereal still now solidified in your mouth, and are pinned down beneath Rover, cause in this incarnation of the 'temporal' you, you are only 18 inches tall, but weight in at 175 Lbs, and can't.................arrrrrrrrrgh?????
zoobyshoe
Dec6-03, 06:19 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What would you do if while drinking up the milk you were suddenly absorbed into the bowl, arriving in your own past, at you grandmothers house, out in the dog houe and Rover was just punished for ** ** ing on the lawn by being kept in the doghouse, but he still has the "Runs" that made him go in the first place, and you can't get out, can't yell, cause of all of that cereal still now solidified in your mouth, and are pinned down beneath Rover, cause in this incarnation of the 'temporal' you, you are only 18 inches tall, but weight in at 175 Lbs, and can't.................arrrrrrrrrgh?????
Well, Marcel Proust had a similar experience and his reaction was to write a several volume autobiography. In your case, though, it might be better to just scratch out a brief last will and testament on the wall of the doghouse with your fingernail.
What do you do if you're going through Einstein's papers at the archive and discover he didn't say "Relativity" but "Bellytivity"?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec7-03, 07:34 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're going through Einstein's papers at the archive and discover he didn't say "Relativity" but "Bellytivity"?
Well, I would take the papers, go out and sell them for a fortune, (as it would effectively re-write history) then I would take the fortune, invest it, cautiously and carefully, secure a 'good income' from the dividends, then assist in the creation of a website devoted entirely to physics (and science) so we could all figure out just what "Bellitivity" really means/meant......
What would you do if suddenly everyone could read your mind and there was not a thought you could keep to yourself, so you learned to walk silently in the "mind pool" as to ensure that all communications were "one on one", but in doing that, you realized that that left lots of other people thinking that they were listening in on your mind (but actually they were not) in a communicative manner that simply wasn't truly there, so to help them avoid there own "self deception" you explained the point of it, this way, and that results in them realizing that, you could not only keep thoughts to yourself, but that you had 'thoughts' that solved the current conundrums in Science, but no one would respond to you because they all thought all they had to do was "think about it" meaning that they still hadn't figured out there own "self deceptions", what would you do??
zoobyshoe
Dec7-03, 07:53 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What would you do if suddenly everyone could read your mind and there was not a thought you could keep to yourself, so you learned to walk silently in the "mind pool" as to ensure that all communications were "one on one", but in doing that, you realized that that left lots of other people thinking that they were listening in on your mind (but actually they were not) in a communicative manner that simply wasn't truly there, so to help them avoid there own "self deception" you explained the point of it, this way, and that results in them realizing that, you could not only keep thoughts to yourself, but that you had 'thoughts' that solved the current conundrums in Science, but no one would respond to you because they all thought all they had to do was "think about it" meaning that they still hadn't figured out there own "self deceptions", what would you do??
I would, in your shoes, take this story to the nearst psychiatrist to be certified clearly, but benevolently, bonkers in order to recieve free public assisstance for being bonkers, and then figure out what to do about the problem later.
What do you do if you leave your door open at night to let in the fresh air while you are typing on the internet and a moth about the size of a lear jet flys in, lands on your bed, and lays a pile of moth eggs weighing about 70 pounds, then keels over on its back on the floor and dies?
Find another bed!
What do you do if mothra attacks you rather than just lay its eggs?
einsteinian77
Dec8-03, 03:00 PM
Prey for Godzilla to show up
What do you do if Godzilla is too tired of fighting mothra?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec9-03, 08:16 PM
Originally posted by einsteinian77
What do you do if Godzilla is too tired of fighting mothra?
Watch, as King Kong comes along and whomps'em both!
What do yo do if suddenly, you are King Kong!!??
The Grimmus
Dec10-03, 06:44 PM
prably stop mixing lsd and other hallucinagines and when i come off my high realize that i'm just a regulare 600 pound boneless man glob,
How do you get bones and you know lose that exess 450 lbs
(i want to apologize to all the peopel from countries other than america, i wish we'd just convert to the metric sytem.)
Oblivion
Dec10-03, 10:19 PM
de..com...pos....e
What do you do if your wife stumbles on your internet history?
zoobyshoe
Dec11-03, 01:09 AM
Originally posted by Oblivion
What do you do if your wife stumbles on your internet history?
This reminds me of the story my old calculus professor used to tell about the time him wife stumbled over the stack of magazines he had temporarily stashed under the bed one day when she was out, and he was home alone. It would be really, really great if I could remember the rest of it. I swear, you'd get a kick out of it. I remember laughing so hard I nearly asphyxiated.
What do you do if you've measured the same dam distance three times and come up with a different anser each time using the same measuring tape, the same distance, the same brain, and the same superpower, which is the ability to extend your arms to nearly infinite lengths by virtue of a genetic mutation?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec11-03, 10:51 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you've measured the same dam distance three times and come up with a different anser each time using the same measuring tape, the same distance, the same brain, and the same superpower, which is the ability to extend your arms to nearly infinite lengths by virtue of a genetic mutation?
Call CNN!! as I would have Proof that the Universe was still expanding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you do if you prove that "The Universe is still expanding" only to find out that, at the exact time you are stating that, the Universe, itself, just shifted to "Contraction" as it reached its limiting gravitational boundary??
The Grimmus
Dec11-03, 04:21 PM
I have to admit SHOE that was a perfect response,
and to anwser the question, just lie the public really dosent care becuase most of them are ignorant to science.
What if you were me? Would you beable to handle the secrets?
zoobyshoe
Dec12-03, 04:36 PM
Originally posted by The Grimmus What if you were me? Would you beable to handle the secrets?
No one can handle the secrets. That's why, secretly, everyone knows them. If only some knew, they couldn't handle it. As it is everyone can't handle it together, which is why you shouldn't discuss these things.
Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
What do you do if you are a hall monitor in a high school for very bright students? What, really, would there be to do?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec12-03, 04:53 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are a hall monitor in a high school for very bright students? What, really, would there be to do?
Well, wear sunglasses, to start, then you could earn extra money doing the little things for them, you know solving the problems of the Universe, the Planet, World Hunger, World Peace, and letting them take all of the credit for it, after all, they are the bright ones!
What do you do if, you are really, reeeeeaaaallllly Bright, and no one can look at you because of the GLARE?
zoobyshoe
Dec13-03, 08:28 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if, you are really, reeeeeaaaallllly Bright, and no one can look at you because of the GLARE?
Public Service Announcement
Many around the world suffer the heartbreak of hyperluninesence. More are diagnosed each day, and the numbers are rising. There is no cure. Please send your donations to Mr. Robin Parsons, at The Parsons' Foundation. His one man think tank is our only hope in the fight against this terrible, socially crippling disease.
What do you do if a slippery trout shoots right up through the floor in front of you from some quantum accident caused by a lab in Switzerland and lands flapping, wet, and breathless on the carpet, and an instant later you feel yourself sucked down through the floor, through a superstring, and emerge to the icy cold shock of the waters of a fast running stream in the Colorado Rockies?
Swim as fast as i can!
What do you do if you cant do what you do?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec13-03, 08:23 PM
Originally posted by Andy
What do you do if you cant do what you do?
Start doing what you could never do before....and have fun!
What do you do if yur entire life is mapped out for you, by another, and there is NOTHING that you can do about it?
zoobyshoe
Dec22-03, 04:15 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if yur entire life is mapped out for you, by another, and there is NOTHING that you can do about it?
You ask:"Jeez, I wonder why no one has jumped to answer this upbeat quetion."
What do you do if the mail order bride you recently ordered from Minnesota, stuns you by turning out to be an intelligent, remarkably attractive, sparky, talented, woman, too-good-to-be true, such that your impending marriage becomes an occasion of doom in your mind since you know it will be the start of many sleepless nights wondering when she will revert to her preying mantis form to eat her mate alive?
phoenixthoth
Dec22-03, 04:29 PM
since that is the fate that has been mapped out for you, there is no need to lose sleep over it; just accept the time together you do have.
what do you do if you figure out how to change the map?
zoobyshoe
Dec22-03, 04:40 PM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you figure out how to change the map?
Don't do anything precipitous without careful consideration of the alternatives you might select. There are worse fates than being eaten alive by a giant female preying mantis. On the other hand if you find something better, go for it.
What do you do if the mail order bride you recently acquired from Minnesota, who is unbelievably charming, alluring, expressive, sensitive and poetic, announces that there are a few things that must be worked out before the marriage and produces a list of points to be hammered out longer than this thread?
phoenixthoth
Dec22-03, 04:49 PM
i would prey that the list of points isn't too objectionable. then i'd try to work it out. perhaps i'd change the map so that there aren't any objectionable points.
1. what do you do if you only think you can change the map but you can't?
or
2. what do you do if you can change the map only if you agree to the contract first?
zoobyshoe
Dec22-03, 05:52 PM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth1. what do you do if you only think you can change the map but you can't?
or
2. what do you do if you can change the map only if you agree to the contract first?
I'm not surprised no one has jumped in to answer these two upbeat quetions.
What do you do if the lovely, talented, vivacious mail order bride's motives for marrying you are impossible to penetrate because, along with her other talents she may well have the ability to counterfeit interest in you and it is a known fact that she can't stand the cold, but cannot emigrate to the warm climes of Zoobonia unless she is married to a Zooby?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec23-03, 10:25 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the lovely, talented, vivacious mail order bride's motives for marrying you are impossible to penetrate because, along with her other talents she may well have the ability to counterfeit interest in you and it is a known fact that she can't stand the cold, but cannot emigrate to the warm climes of Zoobonia unless she is married to a Zooby?
Congratulations ZOOB!!! on your impending marriage! (is that up-beat enough for you?)
What do you do if you are invited to Zoob's marriage to the incredibly vivascious (and appetizing) "Ms. Zoob" and you don't have the directions to Zoobonia??
zoobyshoe
Dec23-03, 08:37 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you are invited to Zoob's marriage to the incredibly vivascious (and appetizing) "Ms. Zoob" and you don't have the directions to Zoobonia??
As a matter of fact we were thinking of asking you if we could use your tented estate as the site of the reception party.
What do you do if the stunningly beautiful mail order bride happens to be suffering from the heartbreak of hyperluminescence, everyone has to shield their eyes from her brilliance, because one-man-think-tank, Mr. Robin Parsons, still hasn't discovered the cure, and no one gets to see how lovely she looks on her wedding day?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec27-03, 08:27 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the stunningly beautiful mail order bride happens to be suffering from the heartbreak of hyperluminescence, everyone has to shield their eyes from her brilliance, because one-man-think-tank, Mr. Robin Parsons, still hasn't discovered the cure, and no one gets to see how lovely she looks on her wedding day?
[a)]
What do yo do if that don't 'woirk'?
zoobyshoe
Dec27-03, 08:36 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do yo do if that don't 'woirk'?
Clearly, then, additional funding must be procured to hurry along the research and speed the cure. We'll solicit pennies from children, mites from widows, nickles from knickknack vendors.
What do you do if you're in a hurry to rush slowly?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec27-03, 08:40 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're in a hurry to rush slowly?
Practise "Speed Patience" "Getting you nowhere, in a hurry, for milenia"
What do you do if you are the one selected to go first at the groom's ritual "Zoobonian Sexdual Pre-Predation Palping"?
zoobyshoe
Dec28-03, 04:20 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you are the one selected to go first at the groom's ritual "Zoobonian Sexdual Pre-Predation Palping"?
When you and the groom retire to your private office for this procedure, and he says:"Let's don't and say we did." you agree, or die before your time.
And now here's a very special guest quetion submitted by the dazzling, and vivacious maid-of-Minnesota herself for your consideration:
"What do you do if you travel land and sea, simply to see, and find your partner filled with adoration, but in a flash his love turns to damnaytion?"
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec28-03, 05:38 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
"What do you do if you travel land and sea, simply to see, and find your partner filled with adoration, but in a flash his love turns to damnaytion?"
After I stop running, I would be "Graaaaaaate-full" as "All Get Go" simply for the relief!
Is that really how you 'schpell' "releaf"?
zoobyshoe
Dec29-03, 06:30 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons Is that really how you 'schpell' "releaf"?
Deciduously speaking, yes.
Given the following scene revealed when a curtain rises on a stage: a dark room with stone walls, many crude wood shelves containing stoppered bottles of all sizes, a large table covered with burbling and bubbling blown glass scientific apparatus, a large, ugly dog chained with spiked collar chained to a wall; who do you suppose should be hired to cater the wedding?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec29-03, 07:16 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Given the following scene revealed when a curtain rises on a stage: a dark room with stone walls, many crude wood shelves containing stoppered bottles of all sizes, a large table covered with burbling and bubbling blown glass scientific apparatus, a large, ugly dog chained with spiked collar chained to a wall; who do you suppose should be hired to cater the wedding?
Dr. Ballard
What do you do if you are in the room "The Zoobyshoe" has described, Dr. Ballard is catering, and you are getting served (Burbling) Dog Food??
zoobyshoe
Dec29-03, 07:30 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you are in the room "The Zoobyshoe" has described, Dr. Ballard is catering, and you are getting served (Burbling) Dog Food??
You pass the burbling food to the bubbling dog, and boot the bumbling Ballard's behind.
Since Mr. Robin Parsons is too valuable to waste on a lowly position such as best man should he be invited to serve as super man?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec29-03, 03:35 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Since Mr. Robin Parsons is too valuable to waste on a lowly position such as best man should he be invited to serve as super man?
Uhmm just break down "Homeless" and you have "Home" (where you heart is, Uhmm 'the chest' I suspect) and "less" so I guess I would need be the "Less" man (Works in Zoobonia! doesn't it?)
What do you do if it doesn't work in Zoobonia?
(ha! ha! there's the Rub!) [6)]
zoobyshoe
Dec29-03, 05:06 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if it doesn't work in Zoobonia?
(ha! ha! there's the Rub!) [6)]
Mies van der Rohe: "Less is more." Which brings us by commodius vicus of recirculation back to super man. Shaw or Nietzche via Joyce and architecture.
What do you do if the Mail Order Bride from Minnesota is so flustered about which costume to wear at the Masquerade Bridal Shower that she as become a maniac torn between impersonating legendary Zoobonian warrior princess Aromatic Ann and dressing up in an ecclectic compound of various alter egos she has decided to call: Rain Cat Mona, she won't take any of your suggestions, and the shower is two days away?
phoenixthoth
Dec29-03, 05:22 PM
i would have really regretted not getting that product guarantee policy the mail order catalogue offered for 10% of the purchase price. darn it all to heck!
what do you do if you find out that you were secretly placed in a mail order catalogue, she really ordered you, and she did get the return policy, and she's going to use it??
zoobyshoe
Dec29-03, 06:09 PM
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you find out that you were secretly placed in a mail order catalogue, she really ordered you, and she did get the return policy, and she's going to use it??
Consciously you rationalize her decision as being the only reasonable reaction to the conflict between her being a member of the Church of Bod Dob, The Pallindrome Boy, and your being a member of the less exotic, and more mainstream, Zoobonian Church of Zoobus, but inside you know she has realized you're not good enough for her.
What do you do if you're five years old, playing in a sandbox with your buddy, and a strange, dark boy with pale skin and black clothes approaches and starts asking sad, unsettling questions?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec30-03, 05:29 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're five years old, playing in a sandbox with your buddy, and a strange, dark boy with pale skin and black clothes approaches and starts asking sad, unsettling questions?
Ya run like all get go, Neverlanding back in that place ever again! (But grab a few souveniers on the way out, will ya)
{Oh yes, P.S. Call YOur Lawyer!)
What do you do if, someone posts a question in this form:
Original form of question
Aliterating aliteration always alludes at all alcolytes, allowing always, all alphabets (and anagrams) as anotating any alchemist as an "Archevil Aristocrate" arising ardently after adventing advise, archived after anno, as achievable after all affairs are affirmed as affirmatively aforementioned AFTER attacking an Aardvark avericiously attacking ants at aunty Anne's abode (@ afternoon's Amen) (above Abbotts alcove) around afternoon, all arriving at an abberational addition, added accumulatingly around 'alloween... A-O.K.? (<- DATS DUH QUETION)
?
zoobyshoe
Dec30-03, 07:11 AM
Originally posted with strings attached by Mr. Robin Parsons ?
You reply that the alliterative word picher was quite interestingly surreal, but that Mr. Robin Parsons, like Pinocchio, is a real, live boy, and should not be mistaken for a marionette.
What do you do if it seems that someone has fed Mr. Robin Parsons a special guest quetion, you don't know who or why, the quetion was a declarative sentence in quetion's clothing anyway, and the word rorschach keeps popping into your mind?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Dec30-03, 08:52 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if it seems that someone has fed Mr. Robin Parsons a special guest quetion, you don't know who or why, the quetion was a declarative sentence in quetion's clothing anyway, and the word rorschach keeps popping into your mind?
Be! the Butterfly
What do you do to prepare yourself to become the butterfly in light of the fact that you are supposed to be present on Zoobonia for the wedding of the Zoobster to his well "whatever" (MMB) and you haven'd shed you skin yet but need to find the manner of detaching the strung out ones, anyways?
Zargawee
Jan1-04, 05:16 AM
I would answer : The question Suppose to be "What do you do If" not "What do you do to" .
What do you do if you were still in 2003 with date 32/Dec/2003 ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan1-04, 08:24 AM
Originally posted by Zargawee
I would answer : The question Suppose to be "What do you do If" not "What do you do to" . And I would point out that that is not "an answer" but "a correction" or can't you tell the difference?
What do you do if you were still in 2003 with date 32/Dec/2003 ?
Buy a new calendar...
What would you do, if, you couldn't!?
himanshu121
Jan1-04, 09:09 AM
Doesn't matter sun will going to rise irrespective of calendar
Happy New Year
What do You do, if, u are in Stone Age with no food
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan2-04, 07:28 AM
Originally posted by himanshu121
What do You do, if, u are in Stone Age with no food
Get a very adequate mineral content...in my new diet...
What do you do if you cannot do anything!!??
What do you do if you cannot do anything!!??
undo, of course. at that point, at very least, you should be able to redo the last thing you did... a stalemate of course... the equivalent of twiddling your thumbs which, however, by your own premise you can't actually do.
What do you do if the undo option is grayed out, and you've just clicked yes, having completed all credit card information and retinal scan recognition data, on a web page ordering your very very very own Minnesotian Mantis Bride?
phoenixthoth
Jan6-04, 10:38 PM
i'd hit that invisble undo button in the sky. either that or hit the history eraser button that beckons me incessantly.
what do you do if you if the invisible undo button is greyed out and the history eraser button turns out to just be a reload button?
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you if the invisible undo button is greyed out and the history eraser button turns out to just be a reload button?
oh, i'd not worry: generally thse forms use a post/submit action and the form is reset (cleared) upon reload.
what do you do if you're using some newfangled web software that puts back every field you filled, and some you didn't, so basically the story of your life is being retransmitted, unencrypted, across the web, to your browser and who knows how many others worldwide, and all for your man-eating Minnie-bride?
zoobyshoe
Jan7-04, 12:36 AM
Originally posted by firefly what do you do if you're using some newfangled web software that puts back every field you filled, and some you didn't, so basically the story of your life is being retransmitted, unencrypted, across the web, to your browser and who knows how many others worldwide, and all for your man-eating Minnie-bride?
I have an absolutely adorable French Maid, good with computers, who takes care of all that stuff for me.
What do you do if your MagnaMantisPredatory Bride is taking her sweet time making arrangements for your first meeting, you are impatient, and so begin to flirt with other women, tell her you are flirting with other women to inspire jealousy and action, and all she says is: "OK. Enjoy."?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if your MagnaMantisPredatory Bride is taking her sweet time making arrangements for your first meeting, you are impatient, and so begin to flirt with other women, tell her you are flirting with other women to inspire jealousy and action, and all she says is: "OK. Enjoy."?
Do as she says, I mean, why not? You haven't even met the mantis yet! But a word of caution: "Inspiring jealousy" might very well increase activities which distract her althemore from the meeting arrangements.
What do you do if the MMP has, unbeknownst to you, already met you by "posing" [;)] as your French maid, and as such is sloooooowly feeling you out to make sure you are quite tender in the right parts, do not have unexpected bones to pick, and are therefore.... SUITABLE FOR INGESTION?!!!!!
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan7-04, 08:39 AM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if the MMP has, unbeknownst to you, already met you by "posing" [;)] as your French maid, and as such is sloooooowly feeling you out to make sure you are quite tender in the right parts, do not have unexpected bones to pick, and are therefore.... SUITABLE FOR INGESTION?!!!!!
Buy some BBQ Sauce and start playing the game of "Juxtaposition"
What do you do if you "burn your meat" on the BBQ?
zoobyshoe
Jan7-04, 09:27 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you "burn your meat" on the BBQ?
"Burn your meat", being in quotation marks, clearly is intended to have a secondary meaning, but not being conversant with Canadian slang, it was obscure to me. I looked it up in several slang dictionaries without results. Therefore, finding yourself in this situation, all I can say is you ought not to have been BBQ-ing in the buff to begin with.
What do you do if, while perusing the bookshelves looking for a dictionary of Canadian slang, you come across a slim, hardbound tome with the title: Linguistic Peculiarities Of One-Man-Canadian-Think-Tanks Of The Ontario Species?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Linguistic Peculiarities Of One-Man-Canadian-Think-Tanks Of The Ontario Species[/i]?
Clearly, consult the volume for the meaning of this species' dialect "burn your meat", but you imply that you did that and came up empty-handed. Might I suggest to you then, that you consult this book again, and see if it offers insight to "linguistic peculiarities"of a different nature: the book may in fact contain illustrated descriptions of the toungue, possible variances within the species at different stages of development, and, of course, recipes for the barbecuing of the Ontarian One-Man-Canadian-Think-Tankian toungue, with or without complementary condiment (barbecue sauce).
What do you do if, armed with barbecue book and Think-Tank Trap, you set off on a hunt in the Ontario wilderness, dreaming BBQ Think-Tank toungue for dinner, and you indeed capture the beast - but the cornered Think-Tank decides to apply the juxtaposition principle to you, even though, being no MagnaMantis you may find both the Think-Tanks' gender and species objectionable, and be althemore helpless to districate yourself from this discomfort?
zoobyshoe
Jan7-04, 11:52 AM
Originally posted by firefly What do you do if, armed with barbecue book and Think-Tank Trap, you set off on a hunt in the Ontario wilderness, dreaming BBQ Think-Tank toungue for dinner, and you indeed capture the beast - but the cornered Think-Tank decides to apply the juxtaposition principle to you, even though, being no MagnaMantis you may find both the Think-Tanks' gender and species objectionable, and be althemore helpless to districate yourself from this discomfort?
Neologistically, many forms of districation are still open. For example, I might juxtaimpose some superior sorority sister (nuns hunt now and then, they're just not supposed to) beteen myself and the difficulty, or I might disjuxtapropose one of the many inverse square effects one finds at work in the Canadian Woods, thereby weakening the giraffe effect of his long toungue.
(18 inch tongues, they have)
What do you do if, while crawling on all fours on a dark night, having just left the cardboard residence of a Polish aviator of your acquaintence, you percieve a blinking light in the distance with your swarmy martini-vision and you can't tell if it is a bioluninescent insect on the end of your nose or a traffic hazard warning light 100 yards away?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while crawling on all fours on a dark night, having just left the cardboard residence of a Polish aviator of your acquaintence, you percieve a blinking light in the distance with your swarmy martini-vision and you can't tell if it is a bioluninescent insect on the end of your nose or a traffic hazard warning light 100 yards away?
Brake! Whether at nose, or ahead, you have a definite hazard. Not to mention the martini! Really!
What to you do if there were in fact an non-luminescent insect, now dislodged by braking, no hazard warning light, but also a police car behind you tailing you for some time (and whose blinking lights in your mirror gave rise to that martini-filtered hazard-blink effect), and you are breathalized and hit with a full DWI rap on the spot?
zoobyshoe
Jan7-04, 12:25 PM
Originally posted by firefly What to you do if there were in fact an non-luminescent insect, now dislodged by braking, no hazard warning light, but also a police car behind you tailing you for some time (and whose blinking lights in your mirror gave rise to that martini-filtered hazard-blink effect), and you are breathalized and hit with a full DWI rap on the spot? I would insist the non-luminescent insect be arrested as well as my partner in crime, and later, with the help of a good lawyer, demonstrate it was the bug driving the whole time.
What do you do if you're crawling on all fours in a crawl space above a ceiling trying to locate a break in a telephone line when a rat the size of a small dog pokes its head out of the insulation and says: "If I were you, I'd think twice about it,"?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're crawling on all fours in a crawl space above a ceiling trying to locate a break in a telephone line when a rat the size of a small dog pokes its head out of the insulation and says: "If I were you, I'd think twice about it,"?
I'd be glad to have found the likely circuit-breaker, and I'd put an SEP field around the rat in order to fix the line.
What do you do if you are stuck in a crawl space with a phone-line-gnawing dog-sized rodent, and are fresh out of pink paint?
zoobyshoe
Jan7-04, 10:42 PM
Originally posted by firefly What do you do if you are stuck in a crawl space with a phone-line-gnawing dog-sized rodent, and are fresh out of pink paint?
Talking dog-sized rodents constitute SEP fields in and of themselves. I might, therefore, capture it for later use when engaged in stealthy persuits w/o the benefit of cover.
What do you do if, after hours of searching through dusty ground paper insulation in a cramped and awkward crawl space, your jaw aching from holding the flashlight in your mouth, your vision thwarted by the salt lines of dried sweat that criss cross the lenses, you finally discover that the problem is due to the line having been neatly severed and routed into a small extraterrestrial space craft nestled in the insulation, and a peak through the window reveals a miniature space alien sitting at a computer logged on to PF who has been answering all your posts for months now under a wide variety of pseudonyms?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe What do you do if, after hours of searching through dusty ground paper insulation in a cramped and awkward crawl space, your jaw aching from holding the flashlight in your mouth, your vision thwarted by the salt lines of dried sweat that criss cross the lenses, you finally discover that the problem is due to the line having been neatly severed and routed into a small extraterrestrial space craft nestled in the insulation, and a peak through the window reveals a miniature space alien sitting at a computer logged on to PF who has been answering all your posts for months now under a wide variety of pseudonyms? Awww, geez Zoob, I didn't want to resort to the phone line, I really thought with firefly you'd catch on (fire). Especially after I parked on your nose that one night (never do that again, thankfully you humanoids have such slow reflexes). sigh. so. You got me. I got you.
Now what do you do, if a tiny nocturnal space alien confesses it has been studying you via PF for months now, but also hints that, given its advantageous size in comparison to yours, it has in fact studied a variety of your aspects, habits yes, habits no, and sees you in a different light than the limited online glow?
zoobyshoe
Jan7-04, 11:50 PM
Originally posted by firefly Now what do you do, if a tiny nocturnal space alien confesses it has been studying you via PF for months now, but also hints that, given its advantageous size in comparison to yours, it has in fact studied a variety of your aspects, habits yes, habits no, and sees you in a different light than the limited online glow?
Before I answer I would like for you to complete a little questionaire. I am going to list three films and would like for you to select from a choice of two actors, which you believe played the protagonist, and which, the villain.
Play Misty For Me
1.) Sondra Lock (protagonist or villain?)
2.)Clint Eastwood (same quetion)
Fatal Attraction
1.) Michael Douglas?
2.) Glenn Close?
Misery
1.) Kathy Bates?
2.) James Caan?
I look forward to seeing the PM in which you give you answers to these interesting quetions.
What do you do if you can't decide if your cyber-stalker (and I reccomend everyone get themselves a cyber-stalker) is a commonplace theriomorph, or is, in fact, an influential fairy?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan8-04, 08:37 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you can't decide if your cyber-stalker (and I reccomend everyone get themselves a cyber-stalker) is a commonplace theriomorph, or is, in fact, an influential fairy?
Consult with the former stalker of the Great Canadian Think Tanker (who had "tanked out" for several years, 'burnt meat' we'd all heard) vessel and request, in your nicest and kindest mannerisms, that that person make the request of the appropriate party, as to assertain the appropriate responce, needed, to respond to the appropriate question, asked!
What do you do if you cannot keep up with the "What do you do if" questions?
zoobyshoe
Jan8-04, 10:45 AM
Originally posted by a bewildered and rightly so, Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you cannot keep up with the "What do you do if" questions?
The earth's magnetic field has not been behaving itself lately. There is a demonstrated EM/neurological interaction which probably accounts for much of the worldwide inability to keep up with this thread. You are not alone. I, personally, have not understood more than a word here and there of what anyone's posted, myself included, since I started posting.
What do you do if you don't even understand your own posts in this thread?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan8-04, 03:05 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you don't even understand your own posts in this thread? Take recognition of just how Truly Brilliant you have actually been...
What do you do if, while attempting to observe Your own brilliance, the light of it blinds you?
zoobyshoe
Jan8-04, 03:35 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if, while attempting to observe Your own brilliance, the light of it blinds you?
This would be the double-heartbreak of Unintentional Auto-Hyperluminescence. A mere cutback in caffein, curtailment of any form of self congratulations, and a good night's sleep generally reveals it to have been an illusion to begin with and sight is restored.
What do you do if you're reconfiguring a broken pair of binoculars into a telescope, point it at the monitor, and notice that someone wrote "your" when they meant to write "you're"?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan8-04, 03:41 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're reconfiguring a broken pair of binoculars into a telescope, point it at the monitor, and notice that someone wrote "your" when they meant to write "you're"?
Clearly hanging the ******* would simply be too nice, some sort of long low torturous death where your you're in the driven seating that allows you re to exprssss yuor're selfintersted vendictivnessy in a construtivistic mannerisms, swlllowly killing there wvery fibroursityness istthetheolhy manenrsisnsme caapabelyt or f foof accompeujfinbtuheonlnthey stask!
What do you do if your life is working perfectly?
zoobyshoe
Jan8-04, 04:14 PM
Originally posted by newly christened One Man Thunk Tank, Mr. Robin Parsons (Break out the Champaigne!) What do you do if your life is working perfectly?
Goodness! Ask someone who knows!
What do you do if you're caught between a will and a way, and a Willy Wonka?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan9-04, 08:22 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're caught between a will and a way, and a Willy Wonka?
Will willies Wonka waaaaay west, while waiting/watching while wonderful willie wafts CHAMPAGNE!
What do you do if, instead of Champagne, (the Famous French Region reknown for making "sparkling" wines) someone offers you "Champaigne"??
zoobyshoe
Jan9-04, 02:45 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, instead of Champagne, (the Famous French Region reknown for making "sparkling" wines) someone offers you "Champaigne"??
Clearly hanging the ******* would simply be too nice, some sort of long low torturous death where your you're in the driven seating that allows you re to exprssss yuor're selfintersted vendictivnessy in a construtivistic mannerisms, swlllowly killing there wvery fibroursityness istthetheolhy manenrsisnsme caapabelyt or f foof accompeujfinbtuheonlnthey stask!
What do you do if you have a warped sence of humor but can't seem to get out of warp 2 when you really wish you were cruising at warp 5?
What do you do if you have a warped sence of humor but can't seem to get out of warp 2 when you really wish you were cruising at warp 5?
You hire Robin Williams, 7of9, and R2D2 to reconfigure your funny bone.
What do you do if...you get stuck into the out of and realize now is everywhere at the same time thus making the moment which just passed?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan9-04, 09:32 PM
Originally posted by amp
What do you do if...you get stuck into the out of and realize now is everywhere at the same time thus making the moment which just passed?
WOW! how did you know that was what happened to me, everywhere in the out, realized that it wasn't now, (as it had passed into then) by way of here, gone there, didn't do that thought...but I had thought about it!!
What do you do if you think/thought/thunk about it?
zoobyshoe
Jan10-04, 05:54 AM
Originalsly porsted bsy Msr. Robsin Parsosns What do you do if you think/thought/thunk about it?
This brings to mind a question once posed by a Polish aviator of my aquaintence, who looked me square in the eye one day, exhaling enough ethanol fumes to give me a second-hand illegal blood alcohol level, and said: "Thhhhiiiiinnnnnnnnkk aaaaahhh thhhhhuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkk vry thiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggg?
What do you do if you are Greg and have to spend all your days and nights writing E-Mail notifications to people telling them that someone has responded to a thread they've subscribed to?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan10-04, 10:17 AM
Originally posted/annotated/appended/suspended/incurred/occured/inserted/diverted by ZoobyShoee
What do you do if you are Greg and have to spend all your days and nights writing E-Mail notifications to people telling them that someone has responded to a thread they've subscribed to?
Subscribe to the PF Forums mailing system, and figure out how to 'weave up' an auto bot-tic to do all of your creative writting for you...that, and learn to type reeeeeeeel fast!
What do you do if you are attacked by your net bot, in your bed, while just awaking to go urinate?
zoobyshoe
Jan12-04, 12:11 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you are attacked by your net bot, in your bed, while just awaking to go urinate?
What a predicament! I guess I'd try saying:" Klatuu, barata nikto."
What do you do if there isn't any to begin with?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan12-04, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if there isn't any to begin with?
"Start with nothing", heck everyone does that in life at the beginning anyways, so it will be like revisiting your infancy....[6)]
What do you do if, you don't?
zoobyshoe
Jan12-04, 11:53 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if, you don't?
At least pay attention.
What do you do if, looking over the list of interrogatives: who, what, when, where, why, and how, you realize the problem with the world is that there's supposed to be another one, whizm, that was forgotten about ages ago?
I would understand why it was forgotten.
What would you do if you had no other choice but to do it?
zoobyshoe
Jan13-04, 12:42 AM
Originally posted by
NiblesWhat would you do if you had no other choice but to do it?
Objection, your honor! Asked and answered!! The prosecution is BADGERING the witness!!!!!
What do you do if a strange person with a penetrating stare approaches you on the street and asks: "Whizm is love?"
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan14-04, 05:31 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if a strange person with a penetrating stare approaches you on the street and asks: "Whizm is love?"
Kiss them (with profound pressure) on whatever body part is showing the greatest need of kissing kindness (the true medicinal value of a "Kiss it better") them tell them that you really aren't interested cause that kind of 'lovin' just ain't yo bag man!
What do you do if, when you need it "kissed better", but cannot find a volounteer to kiss you, there?
zoobyshoe
Jan14-04, 06:12 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, when you need it "kissed better", but cannot find a volounteer to kiss you, there?
Then you must turn to one of the many prostitutes who "make it better" in exchange for money, otherwise known as the Medical Profession.
What do you do if you discover that the Piano quintette, (or quartette, no one can tell) of Mozart, when played sideways, produces the complete songs of the Beatles transposed into their respective relative major and minor keys?
megashawn
Jan15-04, 07:56 PM
Quit listening to music for its obvious influence of being from the devil.
What do you do if you haven't logged on to physicsforums in quite sometime to only find out this thread is still going strong, and might possibly rival the biggest threads in the world?
firefly
Jan15-04, 08:56 PM
Originally posted by megashawn What do you do if you haven't logged on to physicsforums in quite sometime to only find out this thread is still going strong, and might possibly rival the biggest threads in the world?
Weave it into a tapestry.
What do you do if your tapestry begins to unravel, revealing colors different and darker from those of the originating thread?
zoobyshoe
Jan15-04, 09:09 PM
Originally posted by firefly What do you do if your tapestry begins to unravel, revealing colors different and darker from those of the originating thread?
Clearly a job for Carol King.
What do you do if six people who haven't bathed in three days are holding you at gunpoint in front of a broken water heater and you don't know how a water heater works, and Mr. Robin Parsons is on vacation at a Library on the other side of the city, incommunicado?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan15-04, 09:26 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if six people who haven't bathed in three days are holding you at gunpoint in front of a broken water heater and you don't know how a water heater works, and Mr. Robin Parsons is on vacation at a Library on the other side of the city, incommunicado?
Cry Crocodile tears, catch them in a plate, heat that with your trusty Mc Gyver portable-blowtorch®, quickly (holding onto the plate) fling the plate in a circle thereby scattering the broiled juice into the eyes of your aggressors, and run like you just injuried several very angry, and aggressive, people. who want for nothing but revenge upon you!
What do you do if Megashawn returns, notices this thread is still active, but, decides to limit his imagination, as to not be contributing to this endevour to the fullest of his humorifico capacitances? [6)]
zoobyshoe
Jan15-04, 11:07 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if Megashawn returns, notices this thread is still active, but, decides to limit his imagination, as to not be contributing to this endevour to the fullest of his humorifico capacitances? [6)]
Clearly something with greater insulating value should be interposed between the plates in his head to increase the cpacitances(?) humorificus(?), or, there may be a short somewhere caused by splashed bong water.
What do you do if all there was was one little, indeterminate blink?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan16-04, 05:45 AM
Originally posted by a 'spittle'ing' zoobyshoe
What do you do if all there was was one little, indeterminate blink? Quickly/Speedally get out my stenganographic equipment and examine the details that were obviously missed by them that ***'umed that it was insignificant, then re-package the entire package as to ensure that the package was packaged in a packaging manner that belied it's being packaged.
What do you do if you were supposed to "Ask a Stupid Quetion..." and you didn't!??
zoobyshoe
Jan16-04, 06:26 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you were supposed to "Ask a Stupid Quetion..." and you didn't!??
Join one of the many support groups for the querilously impaired, or interrogationally challenged.
What do you do if you write to one of these groups asking if they have any literature concerning their services and you recieve an answer which reads, simply: "Stupid Quetion."?
megashawn
Jan16-04, 05:12 PM
!!Off topic(aren't they all?)
or, there may be a short somewhere caused by splashed bong water.
LOL, how'd you guess?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan16-04, 07:28 PM
Originally posted by megashawn
LOL, how'd you guess? Well, clearly, and thouroughly thought through, thus, wast arrived at by the methodollogies of the methodistically inclined, apparent as it was, that the thought was was what presuppossed the preccesses's preceeding the guesses's that granted the leveaged approachmentaire that supplanted the need of infloormational knowledges as to make's that assertational event astride the placemented! simple as that!
Why is it that when you guess correctly, the quetioner LOL's? (Or ROTFLM{expletive deleted}O)??
zoobyshoe
Jan17-04, 01:37 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Why is it that when you guess correctly, the quetioner LOL's?
LOL-ing (i.e. "Lying On Lizards!" or "Leaping Over Lepidoptera!" or "Laying Out Loaves!") is frequently resorted to by all bong-water-spilling types whether you guess correctly or not. If you speak it, they will LOL.
Recently, in a do-it-yourself book entitled How to Irrepairably Damage Any Appliance In Your Home By Trying To Fix It Yourself I learned that the common household water heater holds enough water to flood a one car garage to a depth of .625 inches. What do you do if this isn't enough to sufficiently ruin the cardboard boxes your pushy aunt Gladys forced you to store for her while she's in the process of moving?
firefly
Jan17-04, 09:55 AM
Go to the humane society, pick up a puppy, and call him God. Buy or borrow the largest wet vac you can. Take Aunties boxes outside of the garage. Using the Wet Vac, vacuum the water from the garage. When full, empty the Wet Vac onto Auntie's boxes, trying to ensure even absorption of the dingy liquid. Repeat vacuuming/emptying as necessary until garage is dry. Have the new pup relieve himself just a few times over the boxes, covering them promptly in plastic so as not to offend the Postal workers (keep reading...) Have Auntie's waterlogged, scented-but-sealed, and otherwise untouched, un-opened boxes re-boxed "as is" and shipped COD back to Gladys' old address (P.O. should forward), with a brief letter explaining that due to an "Act of God", you are no longer able to provide free holding facilities for her "stuff".
What do you do if a year later you receive a letter promising delivery of a large inheritance with "divine" implications from a mysterious Aunt Sadys of whom you'd never heard before?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan18-04, 02:57 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if a year later you receive a letter promising delivery of a large inheritance with "divine" implications from a mysterious Aunt Sadys of whom you'd never heard before? Attend the delivery with the knowledge that it is probably Aunt Sadies Imortalized by Bronzing Cat, that is instilled in a shine that was vaunted, at cost of production, near a 'cool' million (yet has an inherant value, today, of less then twenty Bucks) knowing that the elderly *Ahem* was really a Good hearted old *&%^$> between those ses('hic)sions that you overheard, and that this is the 'treasure' that is spoken of in the Phrase "One mans Garbage..." such that it's valuation esteeemed is the juxtaposition of the reality hence pricelessly worthless to you!
What do you do if you find out that the price is "Pricelessly Worthless?"
jimmy p
Jan19-04, 10:47 AM
Dont tell anyone and sell it on ebay
What do you do if you were pinnochio and your wish to be human was granted whilst on holiday in Africa whilst standing in a pride of lions?
EDIT: renowned man-eating lions
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan19-04, 10:54 AM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you were pinnochio and your wish to be human was granted whilst on holiday in Africa whilst standing in a pride of lions?
EDIT: renowned man-eating lions
Explain to them that I am not a 'man' but still just a 'little boy', after all they are Man eating lions...not 'boy' eating, that, or, as I was dressed in "wooden clothing" take of my underwear and beat myself a pathway to saftey throught the Lions Pride!
What to you do if you remove your wooden underwear only to find out that the skidmarks have actually eaten their way through the heartwood of Oaken Pine?
jimmy p
Jan19-04, 11:05 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What to you do if you remove your wooden underwear only to find out that the skidmarks have actually eaten their way through the heartwood of Oaken Pine?
wonder briefly how strong the curry i ate last night was and then get back to whooping some lions!
What do you do if your only friend is that irritating robot from "Buck Rogers in the 22nd century"?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan20-04, 05:23 AM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if your only friend is that irritating robot from "Buck Rogers in the 22nd century"? Get my old pal Robbie the robot to beat the 'dead' RAM/ROM outta it!
What do you do if, while beating the Dead RAM/ROM outta the irritating robot, you get knocked in the head by the Beaten robot's "Private Parts"?...thusly adulterating your what?
jimmy p
Jan20-04, 06:04 PM
I would say "ugh...robotic goolies, i feel unclean!!" and then promptly pass out, to wake up in a pile of circuitry and the robot goolies close by.
What do you do if you are being chased by wolves with bees in their mouths, and every time they bark, bees fly out to sting you? The wolves obviously move faster than u do.
zoobyshoe
Jan21-04, 05:23 AM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you are being chased by wolves with bees in their mouths, and every time they bark, bees fly out to sting you? The wolves obviously move faster than u do.
This species of bee-in-the-mouth-bearing wolf is actually quite harmless, as are the bees. If you just stop running they will let you pet them while the bees rest on a nearby tree.
What do you do if you're playing cards with a schizophrenic neighbor and find to your astonishment that, among your other cards, you've been dealt a Duke of Spears and a Four of Cubes?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan21-04, 05:57 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're playing cards with a schizophrenic neighbor and find to your astonishment that, among your other cards, you've been dealt a Duke of Spears and a Four of Cubes? Well... would be Ka'Bobs, if I'd ever heard of'em followed up with a generous application of the Famous BBq'ed Sauce "Five aces Hot sauce...So hot you gonna feel like you just slipped in a 'fifth' ace, at a crooked game, played with seven Armed US Marshals, escorting eight of the most heinous Murderers in U.S. History, (they are playing too) who have just given you the "eyeball"(s) for that fifth ace....
What do you do if you are playing with the "Ace of Stars" as 'fifth' ace?
zoobyshoe
Jan21-04, 06:10 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you are playing with the "Ace of Stars" as 'fifth' ace?
Fold. Spindle, and mutilate. Rinse. Repeat. Dry on "delicate".
But empty the pockets first. Use spare change for fortune cookie. Eat, but don't read.
What do you do if you find an unread chinese fortune on the sidewalk?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan21-04, 10:52 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you find an unread chinese fortune on the sidewalk?
Spend a good part of the rest of my life trying to figure out just how the heck I knew it was Un-read
What do you do when you finish reading the last Great Un-read Novel?
zoobyshoe
Jan21-04, 11:30 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do when you finish reading the last Great Un-read Novel?
I'm sorry. I can't answer this question. I haven't read it.
What do you do if birds of a feather are all on a tether and they're under the weather?
jimmy p
Jan21-04, 11:47 AM
...realise you were a poet and you didnt even know it?
What do you do if you are the victim of a cruel joke involving a banana, 2 tons of coffee and an elephant?
zoobyshoe
Jan21-04, 12:21 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you are the victim of a cruel joke involving a banana, 2 tons of coffee and an elephant?
This species of elephant accompanying coffee is actually quite harmless, as is the elephant. If you just stop running you can sip the coffee while the elephant rests in a nearby tree. Do not, however, approach the banana.
What do you do if you find an unread banana on the sidewalk?
jimmy p
Jan21-04, 01:28 PM
Open it and read it, bananas have the best stories, and if unread, they are much sweeter!
What do you do if the story is rubbish
Sariaht
Jan21-04, 03:55 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if a pop artist threatens to kill you infront of maybe more than 8 million people, and everyone thinks it's okay?
allthough you haven't been meaner than anyone else?
After Kenneth Huang tried to kill you and before another guy shot you through the head with one of does mean "beam" weapons and afterwords confirming it on a distance, talking with the words of the pop artist.
Besides, it's me they call Dr mugg and I think it's me they call nemi to so don't worry.
zoobyshoe
Jan21-04, 04:05 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if the story is rubbish
Post it in this thread.
What do you do if several men from the Corning Glassware Co. show up to inform you that the petri dish in which you were concieved was recently dropped and cracked, is being sent to the recyclers soon and they need your signature on a release form?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan21-04, 04:59 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if several men from the Corning Glassware Co. show up to inform you that the petri dish in which you were concieved was recently dropped and cracked, is being sent to the recyclers soon and they need your signature on a release form? Refuse to sign as you could make an excellant case against the Glassware Company based upon the precedental case of "Ferbisher V Friedoutbach/Snopgress/Gouchenarcher/Sillisophski/Hardling whereinuponthereofin the precedental records show Molars V Incissors won the day, handily saving for the problematics of a craked petri's dish's that was resoluted by Solomonistically resolution powers of One JustIce'd Fariest Harriest who stated in his exclamitoryily revealing expostulation of legalistis mootness's "YES!", clearly! solving the Problem!
What do you do if the "Law" is, in your case, represented by the 'mirror image' with an extra 'L' leading"? (don't "bang your head" 'thunking' this one out!)
zoobyshoe
Jan21-04, 06:10 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if the "Law" is, in your case, represented by the 'mirror image' with an extra 'L' leading"? (don't "bang your head" 'thunking' this one out!)
Wake up and smell the sound of `one head thunking'.
What do you do if the thunk your head makes when you bang it against the mirror waLL turns out to be the rythm Gloria Estefan predicted was gonna get you?
jimmy p
Jan21-04, 06:21 PM
cry out in abject terror and try thunk a new tune with my head
What do you do if the only songs you knew were by gloria estefan while you were thunking away?
zoobyshoe
Jan21-04, 06:30 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if the only songs you knew were by gloria estefan while you were thunking away?
The rhythm, then, has GOT you!
What do you do if you find out Gloria Estefan, herself, comes along with the rhythm, to cater to your every whim?
Edited to correct orthography.
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan21-04, 07:54 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you find out Gloria Estefan, herself, comes along with the rhythm, to cater to your every whim?
Edited to correct orthography. HUH?
Stop 'Thunking' that's for certain, start Spelunking...(Huh??)...well it rhymes/rhythm's..
What do you do if your rhyme, doesn't?
zoobyshoe
Jan22-04, 04:50 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your rhyme, doesn't?
Toward rhyming our goal just to climb, wasn't.
What do you do if Sam, sick of being an enabler, [b]won't[/i] play it again, no matter how much you threaten him?
Edited to screw up html
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan22-04, 05:47 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if Sam, sick of being an enabler, [ b]won't[ /i] play it again, no matter how much you threaten him?
Edited to screw up html Dear "editor, of Screwed up HTML" (HUH?? WHERE???) the fact that "Sam" is an "enabler" as you so "unquaintly" place it, is prejudicial and bias and wrongfully judgementalistic and really just a word that Sam need'nt really apply to Herself ("Sam" is a Woman, or didn't you know that?) as she knows herself to not be the ugly, ugly comment that you are using to impune, and deleteriously assault, (yes! I said ASSAULT!!) my client, and my clients constitutional rights to be free from all harrassing males, and all harrassing males adjectives and completely free of A*********'s (like yourself) who want for nothing but to impose you mysogynistic methodollogies upon innocenet women who never ever do anything to anyone and are allways 10,000,000.03% innocent and for you to encourage, and aid, and abet, and assist, and help, and wantonly give succor, and offer yourself in such a manner of willfullness, as to want, WANT I tell you to MAKE, force, cajole, corrupt, destroy, anihilate, kill, slay, murder, my client, THATS what you are! Ugly ugly psudeo comic that hides the true....Oooops....
How does one go about Screwing up "Hyper Text Machine Language" when one's pages can't read them, in the first palce
zoobyshoe
Jan22-04, 06:03 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
How [Color=ornch}does[color one go about [b]Screwing[B] up "[i]Hyper Text Machine Language[F]" when o[T=6}ne's pages{/T] can't read them, in the first [sp=wrong}palce[sp=wrong]
Like that.
What do you do if Sam, pleased to be an enabler, won't stop playing it again?
jimmy p
Jan22-04, 06:51 AM
hope that he gets bored quickly and it becomes something he plays once in a while.
What do you do if Sam, the enabler, becomes unable?
zoobyshoe
Jan22-04, 07:29 AM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if Sam, the enabler, becomes unable?
Dial "Sams R Us" for a replacement.
What do you do if the last banana you read is followed by an exiting sequal, but someone has eaten it?
jimmy p
Jan22-04, 07:50 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the last banana you read is followed by an exiting sequal, but someone has eaten it?
Your only solution is to harvest a fresh crop of bumper pomegranates and manufacture a small weapons factory in the Sudan
What do you do if you find that bumper pomegranates dont make very effective weapons?
zoobyshoe
Jan22-04, 11:15 AM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you find that bumper pomegranates dont make very effective weapons?
In my youth we found that throwing eggs and toilet paper could defeat any enemy.
What do you do if you have some odd kind of head congestion such that there is a squishy noise in your left ear every time you swallow and in your right ear: a couple bars of Stravinky's Rite of Spring?
jimmy p
Jan23-04, 10:30 AM
I would try swallow in time to make a funky version of Stravinky's Rite of Spring. Or i would stick an unread banana in my ear to clear it.
What do you do if you were trapped in a banana suit in a cage full of angry and EXTREMELY hungry gorillas?
NOTE it does not matter whether the banana suit if read or unread.
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan23-04, 10:35 AM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you were trapped in a banana suit in a cage full of angry and EXTREMELY hungry gorillas?
NOTE it does not matter whether the banana suit if read or unread. Remove the suit and start feeding them, all the while biting down in time to establish the melody of Stravinski's within there heads as to distrack them enough so's I can Call Zoobyshoe and get him to come by with his truck and rip the door off of the cage as to set me free!! Wheee-heeeeeee!!!!
What would you do if while ripping of the door of the cage, Zoob, in his natural style, befriends the Gorilla's, finds out that you were the one that caused their original incarceration, and now zoob is looking at you, with Blood in his eye!?
jimmy p
Jan23-04, 10:57 AM
well I would be on the outside of the cage whereas YOU would be stuck inside with an enraged Zoob and his gang of angry, hungry gorillas. So I will be laughing!!
What would you do, if by some freak chance, you survive?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan23-04, 03:35 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What would you do, if by some freak chance, you survive? Grab you, and throw you into the cage, with my 'New friends' the Gorillas...
What do you do if, while thrusting jimmy p into the cage, your trousers drop down to the ground, a passing female police officer, seeing this, stops, and requests of you to "pull your pants back up", you, being ignorant of the respect required in dealing with the Authoritative Nature of Police officers, respond, How?
zoobyshoe
Jan23-04, 03:42 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, while thrusting jimmy p into the cage, your trousers drop down to the ground, a passing female police officer, seeing this, stops, and requests of you to "pull your pants back up", you, being ignorant of the respect required in dealing with the Authoritative Nature of Police officers, respond, How?
You, being thusly ignorant, would respond: "Absolutely, Officer, just as soon as I'm done committing this act of false imprisonment and reckless endangerment!"
What do you do if jimmy p takes this opportunity to escape?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan23-04, 03:47 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if jimmy p takes this opportunity to escape?Send the Gorillas after him...while asking the "extrodinarily beautiful" (female) police officer, out to dinner....and dancing
What do you do when the extrodinarily beautiful police Officer finds out you have Two 'left' feet??
zoobyshoe
Jan23-04, 03:56 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do when the extrodinarily beautiful police Officer finds out you have Two 'left' feet??
I happen to know that extrordinarily beautiful police Officer, and it just so happens she is afflicted with two "right" feet, so things will balance perfectly.
What do you do if Zooby enters with his band of gorillas (guerillas?) and demands that the piano player play it again?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan23-04, 04:20 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if Zooby enters with his band of gorillas (guerillas?) and demands that the piano player play it again? DEMAND first that he "Pay the Price" ( a date with his friend the (beautiful)Police officer!)
What do you do if while out on a date with the BPO (beautiful Police Officer) you find out that she cannot resist answering emergency calls, (that only she seems to be able to hear) and you are now in the middle of a firefight, with seventeen robbers, using uzi's and rocket launched grenades to suppress your dancing duet style?
zoobyshoe
Jan23-04, 04:27 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if while out on a date with the BPO (beautiful Police Officer) you find out that she cannot resist answering emergency calls, (that only she seems to be able to hear) and you are now in the middle of a firefight, with seventeen robbers, using uzi's and rocket launched grenades to suppress your dancing duet style?
Running quickly to the kitchen and the bathrooms I would gather enough eggs and toilet paper to launch an overpowering counterattack.
What do you do if you recieve the following mail from Greg:
From: ghb@uwm.edu (Physics_Forums_Mailer) Date: Fri, Jan 23, 2004,
2:50pm (PST+1) To: ZoobyShoe@Zoobonia.org Subject: Reply to post 'Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer'
Hello zoobyshoe,
Mr. Robin Parsons has just regurgitated more nonsence than usual in response to a thread you have subscribed to entitled - Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer - in the General Discussion forum of Physics Forums.
Etc...?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan23-04, 04:32 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you recieve the following mail from Greg:
From: ghb@uwm.edu (Physics_Forums_Mailer) Date: Fri, Jan 23, 2004,
2:50pm (PST+1) To: ZoobyShoe@Zoobonia.org Subject: Reply to post 'Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer'
Hello zoobyshoe,
Mr. Robin Parsons has just regurgitated more nonsence than usual in response to a thread you have subscribed to entitled - Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer - in the General Discussion forum of Physics Forums.
Etc...? Firstly, it's not in Gregs usual typing style so I, for one, would immediately be suspicious, then knowing just how much Greg really cares about me posting here at PF, well...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! !!!!!!!!!!!
What do you do if, you are zoobyshoe, and you cannot think up a responce to this question?
zoobyshoe
Jan23-04, 04:43 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, you are zoobyshoe, and you cannot think up a responce to this question?
You surreptitiously look the answer up in the Farmer's Guide to Today's Weather, and `What Do You Do If...' Quetions for the Bewildered
What do you do if your gas and electric bill arrives and you find you're being charged an extra $45.00 for a three CD set of the zither stylings of Pablo Monolo?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan23-04, 04:48 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if your gas and electric bill arrives and you find you're being charged an extra $45.00 for a three CD set of the zither stylings of Pablo Monolo? Celebrate! where else (on the face of the planet) could you possibly get an Original Copy of Pablo Monolo's most beautiful works (of muzak) for such an incredibly low "one time price"!!
What do you do if there are No 'extras' included for free with the album, or hidden in the Albums Jacket/covering??
zoobyshoe
Jan23-04, 05:09 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if there are No 'extras' included for free with the album, or hidden in the Albums Jacket/covering??
I think, then, I might have found a place to store my collection of pig shaped maple leaves.
What do you do if, upon hearing the "stylings" of zitherist Pablo Manolo, you realize this is a pseudonym for zither master, Mr. Robin Parsons, who is apparently exploring the world of 1960s show tunes under an assumed name because he doesn't want his public to know he likes that kind of music?
jimmy p
Jan23-04, 05:46 PM
You show the world that he is the real maestro and gets the recognition he deserves.
What do you do if a battered and bleeding, gorilla-chewed jimmy p steps back into the scene? with....a SHRUBBERY!!!!!
zoobyshoe
Jan23-04, 05:55 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if a battered and bleeding, gorilla-chewed jimmy p steps back into the scene? with....a SHRUBBERY!!!!!
Call for an ambulance, get that shrub strapped down to the gurney, and whiz it off to a tree surgeon as fast as possible.
What do you do if a battered and bleeding, gorilla chewed jimmy p
collapses onto the grass and gasps:"Thank God...we saved...it." and faints?
jimmy p
Jan23-04, 06:04 PM
attempt to give myself mouth to mouth recussitation, and failing that, attract the BPO's attention so she can give that personal care.
What do you do if the BPO falls for jimmy p?
zoobyshoe
Jan23-04, 06:22 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if the BPO falls for jimmy p?
I would warn him not to take her to play pool because, although she has two "right" feet, she has two "left" hands, which is a big drawback on account of her being right handed.
What do you do if that sounded like some subtly witty remark but was actually completely meaningless?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan23-04, 06:24 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if the BPO falls for jimmy p? Given that her and I had nuptuals, recently, Divorce!
What do you do if while divorcing your BPO you find out that she can rescind all of the exemptions, that she wrote for you, for all of that illegal parking?
jimmy p
Jan23-04, 06:34 PM
......
what do you do if you dont know which one to answer?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan23-04, 06:36 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
......
what do you do if you dont know which one to answer?
Try both...
What do you do if both answers are the same, even though the questions are completely different?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan23-04, 06:37 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if that sounded like some subtly witty remark but was actually completely meaningless? Admit it and move on..
What do you do if no one can keep up with your "What do you do if" routine?
jimmy p
Jan23-04, 06:43 PM
cry because people think you are a freak and then laugh cos you KNOW you are much smarter...(after all, you are male and you can do TWO things at once)!!
zoobyshoe
Jan23-04, 07:00 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if both answers are the same, even though the questions are completely different? Combine the two quetions into a third quetion the answer to which is not the original ambi-satisfactory answer.
What do you do if the answer to the third, sythesized quetion happens by accident to be the birthdate of US President George W. Bush if he had been born in 1869, and his name had been W. George Busch, and he had never been president, rather, if he had been the hitherto unknown great-great grandfather of current tax assessor of the township of Wigsburg, Oklahoma, F. Steven Busch, not to be confused with F. Stephen Busch who seems to be unaffiliated with the US government in any capacity?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan23-04, 07:43 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the answer to the third, syNthesized quetion happens by accident to be the birthdate of US President George W. Bush if he had been born in 1869, and his name had been W. George Busch, and he had never been president, rather, if he had been the hitherto unknown great-great grandfather of current tax assessor of the township of Wigsburg, Oklahoma, F. Steven Busch, not to be confused with F. Stephen Busch who seems to be unaffiliated with the US government in any capacity? Humm while travelling in Wigsburg South I happened upon a BPO who had informed me that there had been in existence a person of such a carriance, BUT that is neither "here, nor, there" (Nor "everywhere" for that matter) inasmuch as all of it is irrelevant unless it is an Election year in which case it is then the lynchpin of the Electoral colleges inasmuch as it is inasmuch...so there!
What do you do if the thread goes on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & (seemingly endlessly) on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & (sombody stop me!) on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & on & (whew) ad infinitum!??
jimmy p
Jan24-04, 05:36 PM
You make it go on for infinity+1 [:D]
What do you do if you find it harder and harder to find decent questions to ask?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan24-04, 05:44 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you find it harder and harder to find decent questions to ask? Start asking indecent ones!
What do you do if you have nothing BUT indecent quetions to ask, in this, a forum with youthfull Intelligent too?
jimmy p
Jan24-04, 05:54 PM
well if the questions are indecent you make the thread more popular, because of the ...youthful intelligence, which causes more people to post DECENT questions.
What do you do if you run out of toilet paper?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan24-04, 06:02 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you run out of toilet paper? Try running back into it...but I don't thunk that that wll solve your problem, but....
What do you do if you need a question to ask, and the only question you can think of is a "Stupid Quetion" hence unavailable to this forums thread, and the clock is talking, and the time its tacking and your running out of AAAACCKKKKK ARGHHHHHH...?
jimmy p
Jan24-04, 06:11 PM
lol i have been having that problem too!
What do you do if you have problems?
zoobyshoe
Jan24-04, 06:30 PM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if you have problems?
You tenderly post them in a thread like this in the fond hope that some genius from nowhere will pop in to transform your problems to gold.
What do you do if, having transmogrified your problems to gold, you are now so heavy you can't move?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan24-04, 07:20 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, having transmogrified your problems to gold, you are now so heavy you can't move? Call your friend Zoobyshoe and offer to pay Him LARGE to transport you, and your gold back to safe-keeping.
What do you do if, along the way to the bank, Zoobyshoe (The Cat!) turns to you, and plants a really big wet one right on your lips!??
zoobyshoe
Jan28-04, 11:17 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, along the way to the bank, Zoobie (yshoe) (The Cat!) turns to you, and plants a really big wet one right on your lips!??
You know, it's completely uninteresting you should ask that question, because a Polish aviator of my acquaintance once sent me a kit full of various treatments for snakebite, scorpion sting, frostbite, heatstroke and dermatitis, but there was nothing for this sort of thing.
What do you do if you're repelling down the wrong side of the famous tower in Pisa?
jimmy p
Jan29-04, 05:25 AM
???????? which side is the wrong side???? I would probably panic cos i would have a large crowd of swarthy italians laughing at me for repelling down the wrong side of the tower of Pisa.
What do you do if repelling down the tower of Pisa was sacriledge in Italy and when you got to they bottom, the large crowd was actually an angry mob with pitchforks and pasta!
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan29-04, 08:10 AM
Originally posted by jimmy p
What do you do if repelling down the tower of Pisa was sacriledge in Italy and when you got to they bottom, the large crowd was actually an angry mob with pitchforks and pasta! Grab the pasta, run back up the wrong side of the tower, drop half of the pasta, along with a "heavy metal ball" to see if you can stike two of the protesters, At the SAME TIME, repeat till successful!
What do you do if, testing your knowledge of the internet, being all "Zero's and Ones", you reverse it to all "Ones and Zero's" and it still won't run backwards?
zoobyshoe
Jan31-04, 01:11 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, testing your knowledge of the internet, being all "Zero's and Ones", you reverse it to all "Ones and Zero's" and it still won't run backwards?
Actually, it is running backward. What happens is that the interneurons of the brain are confused buy this and begin to regurgitate acetylcholine, Cl+, and to ingest Na+ and K+ along with whatever peperoni molecules are handy, and they begin to run backward making the internet look normal. I would suggest Bakobrake, 37.5 mgs in the morning and double at night, taken with a glass of Parson's Sparkling Aged Vodka and this should get the internet running in reverse in your corticle neurons, particularly the precentral web strip, located anterior to the postcentral browser strip which is dorsal to the medial server oblongata, bilaterally, just beneath the coronal hypogoogle.
What do you do if you're one of the unfortunate 9 out of 10 people for whom Bakobrake is contraindicated do to its tendency to interact with the neurotransmitter Parsonophrene and prevent its reuptake by turning it into ZOBA a rare but powerful inhibiting neurotransmitter, the result of which is to cause the patient to experience extreme embarrassment when confronted by the sight of anything going backward?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Jan31-04, 05:19 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're one of the unfortunate 9 out of 10 people for whom Bakobrake is contraindicated do to its tendency to interact with the neurotransmitter Parsonophrene and prevent its reuptake by turning it into ZOBA a rare but powerful inhibiting neurotransmitter, the result of which is to cause the patient to experience extreme embarrassment when confronted by the sight of anything going backward? Well I would suggest you consult with the "People inside the screen" as they would know, without exception(!), exactly what to do with such inversional properties and the resultant charcteristics and the 'pursuite' eminating character flaws.....
What do you do if you write your message, to the "People inside the screen" and then, and only then, realize you haven't a clue who the "People inside the screen" really are?
zoobyshoe
Feb1-04, 12:16 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you write your message, to the "People inside the screen" and then, and only then, realize you haven't a clue who the "People inside the screen" really are?
I am not of the opinion that these are actual "people", rather that the computer monitor is hallucinating an internal presence separate from its own mind. This is caused by a buildup of excess electron bile on the bottom of the cathode ray tube, which can't be cleaned out without breaking the vacuum, so we must learn to live with it.
What do you do if you have a strong desire to say "All the crazy threads, and all the nut-forums in the world, and she had to walk into mine." ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb1-04, 05:17 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you have a strong desire to say "All the crazy threads, and all the nut-forums in the world, and she had to walk into mine." ? Recognize my masculinity, and drop the "S" from (S)he....He he!
What do you do if the weather report tells of the Solar "final explosion" (Nova) and "corrects it'self" stating that: "It is now imminent!!"?
zoobyshoe
Feb2-04, 02:23 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if the weather report tells of the coming fine weather?
I would just rewrite the question. No need for novas.
What do you do if you're on a steamer to the antarctic and the galley helper woman who is beyond obese, hirsuit, alcoholic, and always seems to smell like Ajax, crawls into your bunk one night, wakes you up, and asks you to tell her again how the swing of her breasts when she scrubs the galley floor reminds you of the sloshing of the wavelets against the hull in calm harbors?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb2-04, 06:05 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're on a steamer to the antarctic and the galley helper woman who is beyond obese, hirsuit, alcoholic, and always seems to smell like Ajax, crawls into your bunk one night, wakes you up, and asks you to tell her again how the swing of her breasts when she scrubs the galley floor reminds you of the sloshing of the wavelets against the hull in calm harbors? Remind her that your bunk is in exactly the same placment just opposite on the side...
What do you do if, after you remind her of just who her "true love" truly is, she doesn't leave, and starts looking at you as if you should be her new "true love"....replacing "the Cat"!?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, after you remind her of just who her "true love" truly is, she doesn't leave, and starts looking at you as if you should be her new "true love"....replacing "the Cat"!?
Why I do believe I might emit such a caterwaul as to scare the woman out of her ajaxified skin.
What do you do if a dejaxified FAT! woman, quite immobilized by incessant piteous caterwauling, suddenly develops a spiritual need to be at one with the darling wavelets, and to slosh her swinging breasts happily among them ................ OVERBOARD[o)] !!! ?
zoobyshoe
Feb7-04, 05:37 AM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if a dejaxified FAT! woman, quite immobilized by incessant piteous caterwauling, suddenly develops a spiritual need to be at one with the darling wavelets, and to slosh her swinging breasts happily among them ................ OVERBOARD[o)] !!! ?
In a dire situation such as that, my concern for her mistake would be of a degree such that I would leap from the bunk and toss to her that most precious of things she had forgotten in her haste: her bottle of Parsons™ Sparkling Aged Vodka.
What do you do if someone begins to cachinnate at your expense in the following unusual manner: "Hªh hªh hªh!!" ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb7-04, 08:34 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if someone begins to cachinnate at your expense in the following unusual manner: "Hªh hªh hªh!!" ? Take a swig of the Vodka and respond aHahahahahahahahaHa! ha!
what do you do if that kind of a response simply brings back the "ajaxinated breasts", right up into your (fill in the blank)?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
what do you do if that kind of a response simply brings back the "ajaxinated breasts", right up into your (fill in the blank)? Sounds like a stalemate to me. Of course it does depend on exactly which and how blanks are filled, relative to the positions of the b(r)easts involved. I suggest you liberally dowse any remaining parts not belonging to you with that vicious Vodka - it may have what it takes to disinfect the disinfectant, and dispell the burden bearing b(r)east away from you. If this does not work, you are (fill in the blank).
What do you do if someone else fills in all your blanks, and so manages to ajaxinate you?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb7-04, 04:45 PM
Originally posted by firefly
Sounds like a stalemate to me. Of course it does depend on exactly which and how blanks are filled, relative to the positions of the b(r)easts involved. I suggest you liberally dowse any remaining parts not belonging to you with that vicious Vodka - it may have what it takes to disinfect the disinfectant, and dispell the burden bearing b(r)east away from you. If this does not work, you are (fill in the blank). Drunk as a skunk on Cheap (I'll get you for calling Parsons Sparkling Vodka Cheap you little {or Big...I don't know!} fill in with expletives) Parsons Brand® Sparkling Spring Vodka so remember "If your Vodka doesn't Sparkle, it probably isn't Parsons Brand!" (ya Cheap wino!!!) Consider "the Blank" filled....hee hee
What do you do if someone else fills in all your blanks, and so manages to ajaxinate you?
Respond in exactly the manner I have, as fully above....Hee hee!
What do you do if, the person ahead of you, stays there, forever?
(Edit: added the ®)
zoobyshoe
Feb7-04, 08:29 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, the person ahead of you, stays there, forever?
(Edit: added the ®)
Remove the ® from the person ahead of you when they aren't paying attention, replace it with © or ° or §, perhaps even ¥ which is kind of scary looking, and they will soon be on a steamer to the antarctic and out of your hair.
What do you do if you go to the little liquor store on the corner for a bottle of Parsons™ Sparkling Aged Vodka but all they carry there is ƒireƒly's™ "Gastroluminescent"† Pure Molasses Rum?
†"If your colon don't glow, it ain't ƒireƒly's"
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you go to the little liquor store on the corner for a bottle of Parsons™ Sparkling Aged Vodka but all they carry there is ƒireƒly's™ "Gastroluminescent"† Pure Molasses Rum?
†"If your colon don't glow, it ain't ƒireƒly's"
we've been having fun with the symbols i ©. Well, I think it's patently® obvious (clear, luminescent) that the slogan, while catchy, is plain reality? does your colon belong to a ƒireƒly?? huh? noooooooo!!! or some other bioluminescent species (certain fish, again, are phosphorescent or have such parts)??? again, noooo!! So how the HECK would you ever expect your colon to glow???? of course no rum's gonna make it glow!!! not even this cleverly marketed brand that the corner store carries. sheeesh!!!
What do you do if, having discovered the relative "safety" of your alternate brand of alcotoxin, you find your self easin' on down to the corner store ever more frequently, and in between trips, easin' on down to t' lil' boy's room, the rum's molasses component not having undergone full distillation and having eased that reg'lr-like colon o' yers right into deregulation??? (a go go go.... but no glow!)
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb8-04, 07:17 AM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if, having discovered the relative "safety" of your alternate brand of alcotoxin, you find your self easin' on down to the corner store ever more frequently, and in between trips, easin' on down to t' lil' boy's room, the rum's molasses component not having undergone full distillation and having eased that reg'lr-like colon o' yers right into deregulation??? (a go go go.... but no glow!) *<<Newsflash>>* ~PA~ (press associates) "This just in, man discovers large floating luminescent object at local waste disposal plant...film at eleven!"....So apparenlty you haven't yet discovered that it has a time delayed effect, and you have just been going to "The little Boys Room" just a bit too quick for the luminescence to have taken it's glowing hold **Hic** my turn!
What do yo do if, while flying to Europe, you realize that you have forgotten to board the plane?
zoobyshoe
Feb8-04, 11:43 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do yo do if, while flying to Europe, you realize that you have forgotten to board the plane?
Promise yourself that never again will you let a Polish Aviator of your acquaintaince talk you into having a second ƒlying zoobie (made with two parts Parsons™ Sparkling Aged Vodka, three parts ƒireƒly's® "Gastroluminescent" Pure Molasses Rum, two parts unpasteurized goat's milk, and an ice cube.
What do you do if you find yourself flying to Europe without having boarded a plane, and in your pocket you find a plasticized cross cultural instruction card which says, among other things, "In France you will encounter an odd, vaguely toilet- looking thing in many bathrooms. It is not a toilet. Do not use it as a toilet. No one from North America has ever been able to determine exactly what these things are, but many have discovered that they are not toilets."?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb8-04, 07:23 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you find yourself flying to Europe without having boarded a plane, and in your pocket you find a plasticized cross cultural instruction card which says, among other things, "In France you will encounter an odd, vaguely toilet- looking thing in many bathrooms. It is not a toilet. Do not use it as a toilet. No one from North America has ever been able to determine exactly what these things are, but many have discovered that they are not toilets."? CRY EUREKA!!! cause surely I have found the drinking fountain...needs a large basin as I here that where your on your seventh, (or eigth) Vino, watering yourself is supposedly messy...at least that was what the rumor was....so I heard...
What do you do if your Vino, doesn't float?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your Vino, doesn't float?
Stick to Vodka... you know the one!
What do you do if, after seven or eight(een?) Vodkas... you're the one floating... not necessarily right "sight" up?
zoobyshoe
Feb9-04, 04:54 AM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if, after seven or eight(een?) Vodkas... you're the one floating... not necessarily right "sight" up?
That's when you bite the hare that dogged you.
What do you do if, while sitting at a table outside Le Café du Lapin Dormant, biting the hare that dogged you, the hare you are biting (from the above doggerel) awakes, winks at you, and says:"Let lying hares sleep."?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb9-04, 05:21 AM
Originally posted by a now hungry Zoobypied
What do you do if, while sitting at a table outside Le Café du Lapin Dormant, biting the hare that dogged you, the hare you are biting (from the above doggerel) awakes, winks at you, and says:"Let lying hares sleep."?
You grab the Hare, by the hair, and take him next door to the"Cafe du Le Poisson Cuit, Tumeur, Vers le bas" and make him eat your fish's tumor, all the while enjoying a fine gallon of Zoobypieds original (the one and only) W(h)ine(r)® (and YA!! they spell it that way!!) from the shoe of an ajaxified cleaning ladies left foot, the one with the free JAM!!
(P.S.sssst save a small piece for the little people inside the screen, their signalling that they are hungry...Thanks! up front!)
What do you do if, while eating "Cafe du Le Poisson Cuit, Tumeur, Vers le bas", your tumor is facing UP??
zoobyshoe
Feb9-04, 05:38 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, while eating "Cafe du Le Poisson Cuit, Tumeur, Vers le bas", your tumor is facing UP??
It is to avoid just such problems that I do not frequent fish & coffee chain restaurants.
What do you do if you are repelling down the side of a giant sequoia tree on the coast of US western state, California, in the area known as Big Sur and, halfway down, come upon a hollow in the tree in which a slender, young woman is seated cross legged, strumming a guitar singing "It's a long way to Tipparery"?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb9-04, 05:42 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are repelling down the side of a giant sequoia tree on the coast of US western state, California, in the area known as Big Sur and, halfway down, come upon a hollow in the tree in which a slender, young woman is seated cross legged, strumming a guitar singing "It's a long way to Tipparery"? ("Geeze" and I thought that was you, zoob, sitting there in that tree, in Big sur when I was there, back in '99)...explain to her that, with mass transit, air travel, and plate tectonics, that is no longer true.
what do you do if while driving through a giant Sequoia tree, in your car, it falls?
zoobyshoe
Feb9-04, 07:09 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
what do you do if while driving through a giant Sequoia tree, in your car, it falls?
I would imagine in that circumstance there would be better things to do than to sit and ponder new recipes that could be created with ƒireƒly's "Gastroluminescent" Pure Molasses Rum, so I would probably get my chainsaw out of the trunk of the car and carve the image of former US presidents Calvin Coolidge and Herbert Hoover and any others whose first and last name began wih the same letters I could think of, into the fallen tree, put up signs saying "This way to Sequoia Rushmore", and charge a viewing fee to any tourists who happened by.
What do you do if you earn, say, three dollars and 52¢ this way ($3.519763 to be precise), and you realize you are at a complete loss as to how to spend this windfall?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you earn, say, three dollars and 52¢ this way ($3.519763 to be precise), and you realize you are at a complete loss as to how to spend this windfall?
Laundry. And maybe a videogame if you don't have too many loads to run.
What do you do if those big sir's you carved in sequoia, up in Big Sur come after you saying you cut them while shaving?
Spherical_chicken
Feb9-04, 08:43 PM
Originally posted by firefly
Laundry. And maybe a videogame if you don't have too many loads to run.
What do you do if those big sir's you carved in sequoia, up in Big Sur come after you saying you cut them while shaving?
Tell them that next time they should sit still while being motored around the tundra in the pope-mobile.
What do you do with all the mulch?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb10-04, 09:28 AM
Originally posted by Spherical_chicken
What do you do with all the mulch? Buy some glue to make retailable figures of your figures, figures!
What do you do if a Spherical Chicken comes along, and starts answering your questions?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if a Spherical Chicken comes along, and starts answering your questions? [/B]
Continue posting new answers and questions.
What do you do if nobody answers your question for ages?
firefly
Feb10-04, 10:58 AM
Originally posted by hemmul
What do you do if nobody answers your question for ages? Start using post appearances as wine-tasting events.
What do you do if, in a single hour, at least, according to clocks and timestamps, you feel remarkably aged but detect no improvement either in yourself nor in any of the wines in the cellar... even with much combined effort?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb10-04, 05:51 PM
Originally posted by (a) firefly
What do you do if, in a single hour, at least, according to clocks and timestamps, you feel remarkably aged but detect no improvement either in yourself nor in any of the wines in the cellar... even with much combined effort? Keep trying , enough Vino and no matter waht youare going ot feel the shifts of time in many a varied directsuns (HIC) folllowwed ups by the dishplacement of the variiouuus attritbutitoalal qualifities of mannnny timmtineeaws....Hic...thUd!
What do you do if, every time you need to respond, to one of these questions, you need to drink enough Parsons Brand® Sparkling Spring Vodka and Firefly Bioluminescent waddayamacallit to 'intoxicatify' the entire US Army/Navy/Airforce, and now you need to know (Basis-eyes only TOP-TOP-TOP Secret!!,,,No looking now) who pays the Bill??
firefly
Feb10-04, 06:37 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, every time you need to respond, to one of these questions, you need to drink enough Parsons Brand® Sparkling Spring Vodka and Firefly Bioluminescent waddayamacallit to 'intoxicatify' the entire US Army/Navy/Airforce, and now you need to know (Basis-eyes only TOP-TOP-TOP Secret!!,,,No looking now) who pays the Bill?? Zoooooooooby!!!!!! Who else???? He just made a fortune ($3.52 was it?)!!! ... if he hasn't spent it on laundry yet.
What do you do if, at the expense of Zooby's laundry, the bill is paid but the duck it belonged to suffocates and the RSPCA files a lawsuit against you, the initiating consumer of the sad affair, for.... ooooooooh, say..... a billion dollars?
zoobyshoe
Feb10-04, 08:25 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if, at the expense of Zooby's laundry, the bill is paid but the duck it belonged to suffocates and the RSPCA files a lawsuit against you, the initiating consumer of the sad affair, for.... ooooooooh, say..... a billion dollars?
It's funny you should ask that quetion, because once, when I was recovering from a jellyfish sting I sought to sue the manufacturers of jellyfish, here in the US, but it turned out that what they, in fact, produced was fish jelly not jellyfish, but I was confused due to it sometimes being refered to as jellied fish, rather than fish jelly. At any rate. Johnnie Cochrane took the case, but try as he might he couldn't create a good, catchy rhyme to apply to the situation ("If the jelly don't fish, you must return the dish!" didn't make a whole lot of sense to anyone.) so I lost, and now I'm hunting for the real manufacturers of jelly fish, which, it turns out, are other jelly fish. (Yes, jelly fish make more jelly fish.) I'm currently surfing the web searching for their attourneys.
Wat do you do if...No, I mean What do yo dou if...No, I mean Wat do you do f...No, Imen What do yu du if...No, I mean What do you [i]do[i] if...No, I mean ehat do you do [/if]......NO I men Hat if you do it..???NO, I MEAN IF YOU DO IT HAVE IT DO WHAT IF YOU DO??? Have it? Do you?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Wat do you do if...No, I mean What do yo dou if...No, I mean Wat do you do f...No, Imen What do yu du if...No, I mean What do you [i]do[i] if...No, I mean ehat do you do [/if]......NO I men Hat if you do it..???NO, I MEAN IF YOU DO IT HAVE IT DO WHAT IF YOU DO??? Have it? Do you?
Oh... ups... i'd rather, yu know, erhm... this is tha question i thought of fr a looooong tiiiimeeee... bt, oh shUt... So, I WOULD, oh, i woood simply, erm... no, you see the thing i did, i will simply will have but, generally speaking, howevere, if i had to do what i do and not that i don't do in spite of i have to, oh god, what to do, what to do, i would, no i will, a DO, AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa... i hope you understand me :)
What, do, you, do, if you feel you feel something?
zoobyshoe
Feb11-04, 06:13 AM
Originally posted by hemmul
What, do, you, do, if you feel you feel something?
Don't make any hasty decisions based on feelings. It could be you're actually only fœling, or fæling, or føøling, or féåling.
What do you do if you recieve a PM from a total stranger asking for help on the following problem:
Zooby,
I see from the quetion and answer thread that you are very smart. Could you please explain to me why, if you're so smart, you don't believe that aliens from the planet Sphincter 32 (Uranus) are abducing my wife and children and me on a regular basis? I have proof. I woke up once with a bruise on my leg. How can you refute such evidence? Also my wife is now pregnant and I haven't had sex with her in two years. Our last two children were born bald and with large heads, and also not very human colored, and with not one human tooth in their mouths, proving they were fathered by things not meant to eat human food. The oldest is 7 and she did finally grow human teeth but now they are falling out every month or so and a new one grows in just like a shark or something.
Signed,
¶ø¥ß†¬µð¥
?
firefly
Feb11-04, 01:25 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you recieve a PM from a total stranger asking for help on the following problem:
Zooby,
I see from the quetion and answer thread that you are very smart. Could you please explain to me why, if you're so smart, you don't believe that aliens from the planet Sphincter 32 (Uranus) are abducing my wife and children and me on a regular basis? I have proof. I woke up once with a bruise on my leg. How can you refute such evidence? Also my wife is now pregnant and I haven't had sex with her in two years. Our last two children were born bald and with large heads, and also not very human colored, and with not one human tooth in their mouths, proving they were fathered by things not meant to eat human food. The oldest is 7 and she did finally grow human teeth but now they are falling out every month or so and a new one grows in just like a shark or something.
Signed,
¶ø¥ß†¬µð¥
?
Simple, I would reply...
With all due respect, I'm firefly, not Zooby, f-i-r-e-f-l-y. different spelling, see? In any case, allow me to suggest you submit your case to the Skepticism and Debunking forum here at PF. Someone there might be able to help. How nice for your daughter... she will appreciate having brand new teeth every month when she is 70 - if she lives that long. Also, this will save you bundles on health care - you might just want to go with the flow. If this is really troublesome, perhaps you could try to contact your a... oh, i mean Uranus in order to rectify the situation. Use Kundalini. Oh, wait, no, don't try any strange "posturing" - that might have actually got you into this situation to begin with.
Signed,
firefly
What do you do if a stranger with a shark-toothed daughter and his head up his anus moves in as your new next door neighbor?
Shady18
Feb11-04, 04:58 PM
Real answer: Get a new dishwasher...
Silly answer: Slap her on the butt and tell her to get back to work... (I'm REALLY not sexist; just too good to pass on...).
What would you do if you discovered that you are from a different planet, and are unable to mate with lowly Earthlings??? [a)]
Shady18
Feb11-04, 05:02 PM
Damn, I posted on the wrong page... [:((]
New, correct answer: Hire Richard Dreyfuss to pull her teeth, and plunge the man's head from his... posterior cavity.
What would you do if you discovered you had the power of persuasion???
firefly
Feb11-04, 05:38 PM
Originally posted by Shady18
What would you do if you discovered you had the power of persuasion??? You mean I don't? I am so disappointed. Oh, the sweet delusion of innocence... Oh no! Oh no! where did it go? Oh no! [*(]
What do you do if, enlightened to your powers of persuasion, you try to persuade yourself to accept and pursue your newfound inclination, but your car breaks down on the way to Uranus due to a jellyfish in the engine?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb12-04, 08:22 AM
Originally posted by Fireflew
What do you do if, enlightened to your powers of persuasion, you try to persuade yourself to accept and pursue your newfound inclination, but your car breaks down on the way to Uranus due to a jellyfish in the engine? Jump out of the car, quickly persuade the jellyfish to turn into "fishjelly", (thereby cleaning the motor for restart) restart your eingine and restart your trip to Your (ooooops) UrAnus and restart singing that ditty that you can't get out of your head! [o)]
What do you do if the ditty in your head is sooooooo stuck, you can no longer think of anything else, to the point that when you open your mouth, out come the lyrics, followed by your very sad imitation of the background vocalist, stress crackling in your, now strained, therefore 'falsetto', squeaky voice, hoarse from the strain, and causing you to expectorate gobs of blobs of sputum?
firefly
Feb12-04, 08:31 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if the ditty in your head is sooooooo stuck, you can no longer think of anything else, to the point that when you open your mouth, out come the lyrics, followed by your very sad imitation of the background vocalist, stress crackling in your, now strained, therefore 'falsetto', squeaky voice, hoarse from the strain, and causing you to expectorate gobs of blobs of sputum? Brains are a lot like engines ... might I suggest fish-jelly or WD40: two squirts up each nostril should dissolve all stuckness.
What do you do if someone disassembles your genetic code and leaves you in bits?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb12-04, 09:50 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if someone disassembles your genetic code and leaves you in bits? Byte down hard and start glueing together the A's & G's then the C's and T's and then add them all together in there right sequence, and Voila, your baaaaaack!
What do you do if, someone is attempting to glue their DNA, back together, and they lost all of the Uracil?
zoobyshoe
Feb13-04, 01:20 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, someone is attempting to glue their DNA, back together, and they lost all of the Uracil?
Try substituting zoobonoacrylate - Zoobyglue™. Comes in the convenient 55 gallon drum. Available at a ZoobyBrushShelter Depot™ near you.
What do you do if you neglect to mow the back yard for a while, go out there and start trying to tame the short jungle with your 5 hp mower, only to discover the yard has been commandeered by a colony of slithery, reptilian, scuttling, critters with sharp teeth, talons, and long tails, who make an exceptionally unpleasant crunching noise when you mow them into mulch?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb13-04, 06:03 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you neglect to mow the back yard for a while, go out there and start trying to tame the short jungle with your 5 hp mower, only to discover the yard has been commandeered by a colony of slithery, reptilian, scuttling, critters with sharp teeth, talons, and long tails, who make an exceptionally unpleasant crunching noise when you mow them into mulch? Buy ear-protectors, mulch away till they Crunch no more, then remember to mow your lawn frequently enough that they cannot gain a slitherscuttle upon it...
What do you do if somone keeps trying to insult you, and the reality is that, it is that action, that is actually the insult to them, but you haven't the heart to tell them cause you don't want to bust'em up there 'arrogance'?
firefly
Feb13-04, 11:02 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if somone keeps trying to insult you, and the reality is that, it is that action, that is actually the insult to them, but you haven't the heart to tell them cause you don't want to bust'em up there 'arrogance'? It's a question of misplaced negatives. For your part... you have the heart... not to tell them.
What do you do if you have heart, but realize you haven't the right perspective to break a silence?
Edit: fixed formatting. Ack!!!
zoobyshoe
Feb13-04, 11:17 AM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you have heart, but realize you haven't the right perspective to break a silence?
Er... that character, the "silent" statue guy, who felt he only lacked perspective was cut out of The Wizard Of Oz because he was too boring.
What do you do if you are standing in line to buy an ice cream cone and the proprietor announces that they are all out of cones, cups, bowls etc, so that anyone who wants ice cream must have it scooped into their hands?
firefly
Feb13-04, 12:28 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are standing in line to buy an ice cream cone and the proprietor announces that they are all out of cones, cups, bowls etc, so that anyone who wants ice cream must have it scooped into their hands? Sounds "finger lickin' good" to me ... perhaps he's not out of containers at all, but simply an envious, desserted relative of Colonel Saunders. Mmmmmmmmmm-mmm!!!!!
What do you do if you get stuck in an igloo filled with toxic fumes?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb13-04, 03:40 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you get stuck in an igloo filled with toxic fumes? Kick the flatulent Dog out of the igloo, then cuddle up, with my wife!
What do you do if, you want to cuddle up with your wife, but your not married?
firefly
Feb15-04, 03:36 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, you want to cuddle up with your wife, but your not married? After the dog has somewhat deflated outside, let him back in and cuddle up with the dog. just to be clear, i would draw the line at physical proximity with the dog in such a way as to reduce combined surface area and therefore minimize heat loss... applications: space heater - toe blanket - filler in of that niche in your back that chills up? don't really know about the wife thing... i don't have one of those either. (heh! funny thought, me with a wife!)
What do you do if you suddenly find that all your vocal emissions sound like a dog-bark, everyone else sounds like pigs grunting, and they seem to understand each other... but not you?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb15-04, 08:36 AM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you suddenly find that all your vocal emissions sound like a dog-bark, everyone else sounds like pigs grunting, and they seem to understand each other... but not you? Use your dog voice (and flatulence) to round up the little 'porkers', and sell them off for Bacon, take that money, and go see a plastic surgeon to have your voice restored.....
What do you do if, while having your voice restored at the plastic surgeons, they slip up, and it results in you having a voice that can only produce "Bird Chirping" sounds that make you sound just like the first Robin Of The Spring?
firefly
Feb15-04, 01:23 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, while having your voice restored at the plastic surgeons, they slip up, and it results in you having a voice that can only produce "Bird Chirping" sounds that make you sound just like the first Robin Of The Spring? This could never happen, as the first Robin Of The Spring can be none other than our inimitable Mr. Parsons so any "Bird Chirping" sounds could at best approach a scanty approximation.
What do you do if, while singing Seasons In the Sun", you notice summ-er out of place when spring falls early and you are left with only a long bleak winter?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb15-04, 07:40 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if, while singing Seasons In the Sun", you notice summ-er out of place when spring falls early and you are left with only a long bleak winter? Call me! so I can do some "First Robin of the Spring, Bird Chirpin" for you, and cheer you up!
What do you do if the sounds of MRP 'chirpin' don't cheer you up?
zoobyshoe
Feb16-04, 10:27 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if the sounds of MRP 'chirpin' don't cheer you up?
It's funny you should ask that quetion, because once when I was enjoying a demi-tasse of café laced with a measure of ƒireƒly's "Gastroluminescnt" Pure Molasses Rum™ at one of the out door tables at the Café du Lapin Dormant I noticed the little robins begging for bits of croissant and madeleines from the customers looked rather thirsty as well, so I ordered a shot glass of Parson's® Sparkling Aged Vodka for each and every one of them (30 or 40) and had the garçon set them down on the tile where they could reach them.
Once they'd finished, they began dancing in a merry fashion that amused all to no end. They were applauded. Some even stood. It was a damned strange afternoon.
What do you do if, having introduced a flock of robins to the delights of spiritus frumenti, they begin to follow you where ever you go, chirping for more?
firefly
Feb16-04, 05:06 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, having introduced a flock of robins to the delights of spiritus frumenti, they begin to follow you where ever you go, chirping for more? I suspect your new following might have more to do with your sunny signature than your gifted spirit. [;)] Your prospects for change are excellent at this juncture...
What do you do if a sun sign is following you around? [a)]
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb16-04, 07:14 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if a sun sign is following you around? [a)] Chase the Moon!
What do you do if the Moon is your Sunsign?
firefly
Feb16-04, 08:24 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if the Moon is your Sunsign? You lead a life of lunacy, lit by the stars.
What do you do if the Signs seem to lead you know where only to leave you in despair?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb17-04, 04:27 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if the Signs seem to lead you know where only to leave you in despair? given that "Know" where is a place of obvious "know"ledge I would derive from whatever of the "know"ledge(bookshelf) that was there, in "know" where(?), and figure out how to divest myself of any, and all, dispair...disparegments, dispersals, disperrs....er, uhmmm, dis'disesperairdis IDAKNOW!
What do you do if once divested of you dispair, you come across a woman, of whom you are meant to ask a question, thereof, yet, you are not allowed to speak, as condition of the divesting of the dispair, so what do you ask?
firefly
Feb17-04, 05:47 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if once divested of you dispair, you come across a woman, of whom you are meant to ask a question, thereof, yet, you are not allowed to speak, as condition of the divesting of the dispair, so what do you ask? If you can dodge your désespoir, you'll ask of her what you desire, but if you're acting sensibly, you'll ask her how she is, simply.
What do you do if your sense of sensibility is questioned but all the answers you think of are too far-fetched?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb17-04, 07:08 PM
Originally posted by fi/fly
What do you do if your sense of sensibility is questioned but all the answers you think of are too far-fetched? Use your common sense to take the "far fetched" and make it near fetching, all the rest follows, of it's own accord...
What do you do if your accord, doesn't?
firefly
Feb17-04, 09:54 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your accord, doesn't? Ionize it and learn to play it.
What do you do if you wanna go to th'loo, in an English country garden?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb18-04, 05:48 AM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you wanna go to th'loo, in an English country garden? "Skip to the Loo, my dar'lin...."
What do yo do if you need to "Skip to the Loo, my dar'lin, and you don't know how to Skip!!??
zoobyshoe
Feb18-04, 12:46 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do yo do if you need to "Skip to the Loo, my dar'lin, and you don't know how to Skip!!??
Hire a bulldozer to haul you to the loo.
What do you do if you're floating face up in a canal in Amsterdam with a meercat riding on your stomach, wearing two left shoes, the right one untied, the wrong one also untied, you remark to the meercat that "The right is wrong!" only to have it retort, "No, the right is left!" ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb18-04, 07:22 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're floating face up in a canal in Amsterdam with a meercat riding on your stomach, wearing two left shoes, the right one untied, the wrong one also untied, you remark to the meercat that "The right is wrong!" only to have it retort, "No, the right is left!" ? Roll over, for if after that you cannot figure out if you 'left off the right' or had it 'right, when left', then breath very deeply,.... "You are getting sleepy....watch the spinnnnning disc, shiny disc......(Insert sound, of you, sleeping/and perhaps drowning, in that canal)"
What do you do if you don't know what sound you make, while you sleep?
zoobyshoe
Feb18-04, 08:13 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons clearly in the throes of some unexplained, not-so-very-unconscious hostility
(Insert sound, of you, sleeping/and perhaps drowning, in that canal)"
What do you do if you don't know what sound you make, while you sleep?
I don't think I'll be risking much sleep at all till this interesting mood you're in passes.
What do you do if a crazed Canadian intellectual seems to have confused you with his true nemesis, the Prime Minister of Canada?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb19-04, 03:43 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if a crazed Canadian intellectual seems to have confused you with his true nemesis, the Prime Minister of Canada? Nicest thing about 'labels' is that you can switch the product underneath them, and still call them the same thing, now about this crazed Canadian intellectual thingy who the heck ever told you I was an intellectual, how dare you go around spreading such clearly false, and abusive, misappropriations of my Internet Personnnnna, explain yourself Sir, or face the Duel Du Duels Du deUx....twice!
What do you do if a, Now truly Crazed Frenchman wants your REAL NAME!??
megashawn
Feb19-04, 06:39 PM
RUN!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you do if your running from a truly crazed frenchmen?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb19-04, 07:13 PM
Originally posted by megashawn
What do you do if your running from a truly crazed frenchmen? Say "Mon Nom est.._________" (and make certain you fill in that blank with your real name or else you will have several Angry FrenchMen after your name, and fortune, and reputation, and anything/everything else I can think of...later....)
What do you do now that you have Several angry French Men chasing you?
Messiah
Feb19-04, 08:27 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do now that you have Several angry French Men chasing you?
Nothing. Look at them crossly and they will surrender and sue for peace.
Now what do you do if you have several hungry French WOMEN chasing you??
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb20-04, 07:19 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
Now what do you do if you have several hungry French WOMEN chasing you?? Surrender, willingly!
What do you do if you are now at the willing behest of several Hungry young French Women, sitting at "Le Cafe du Lapin Dormant" eating "Les Huites du Prairie Canadien" Sauced from "La pluie D'or, du Transport" (doesn't everything sound so yummy, in French) and they want to take you back to "l'Appartement" to 'cook' for you....?
zoobyshoe
Feb20-04, 07:30 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you are now at the willing behest of several Hungry young French Women, sitting at "Le Cafe du Lapin Dormant" eating "Les Huitres du Prairie Canadienne" Sauced from "La pluie D'or, du Transport" I can't believe you wrote this(doesn't everything sound so yummy, in French) and they want to take you back to "l'Appartement" to 'cook' for you....?
Just remember the Twilight Zone:
"That book, To Serve Man; IT"S COOK BOOK!"
What do you do if you find yourself bound and gagged while several women pour over the recipe for Parson a l'Orange?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb21-04, 05:42 AM
Originally posted by, well, someone who makes enough of his own spelling mistakes as to be a little bit smarter then to be correcting others, before he corrects his own, zoobyshoe
What do you do if you find yourself bound and gagged while several women pour over the recipe for Parson a l'Orange? I had that! it's delicious!
What do you do if you are not allowed over when the Parsons a L'Orange is ready?
EDIT SCHEPELLING CORECTIONESED from It to it's...ooops SO Sorry Zoob, your poor eyes, having to read such an atrocity of typo'ing
Messiah
Feb21-04, 10:48 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Surrender, willingly!
What do you do if you are now at the willing behest of several Hungry young French Women, sitting at "Le Cafe du Lapin Dormant" eating "Les Huites du Prairie Canadien" Sauced from "La pluie D'or, du Transport" (doesn't everything sound so yummy, in French) and they want to take you back to "l'Appartement" to 'cook' for you....?
Mine or theirs?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb21-04, 01:59 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
Mine or theirs? Ours! obviously!
What do you do when you read a question that you posted, and you don't know that it was you who posted it, never-mind that it makes little sense (as planned) but that you now get to make everyone think that you slightly "nutso" and you still haven't asked your question, properly, so lets go at it agin right, I mean
a-g-a-i-n (soory zoob) so, "What do you do if..Uhmmmm?...you forget the question?"
zoobyshoe
Feb21-04, 02:26 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
"What do you do if..Uhmmmm?...you forget the question?"
Confabulate vigorously.
What do you do if you are not allowed over when the Parsons a L'Orange is ready?
I do not think I would attend even were I allowed since, given the dietary proclivities evident in that household, an invitation to dinner may merely mean they are lacking a desert.
What do you do if you suspect this thread is about to enter a hemiola?
Messiah
Feb21-04, 03:22 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Confabulate vigorously.
I do not think I would attend even were I allowed since, given the dietary proclivities evident in that household, an invitation to dinner may merely mean they are lacking a desert.
They ARE desert
zoobyshoe
Feb21-04, 03:31 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
They ARE desert
Hey. Messiah. Answer, then ask. Don't cause a hemiola. There's a rhythm going on here.
Messiah
Feb21-04, 04:59 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Hey. Messiah. Answer, then ask. Don't cause a hemiola. There's a rhythm going on here.
SORRY [*(] Still trying to get a Handel on it.
But what would you do if you thought your hemiola was about to be attacked by a hemi-demi-semi quaver?
zoobyshoe
Feb21-04, 05:10 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
SORRY [*(] Still trying to get a Handel on it.
Whoooaaaahhh!!! I'm impressed. Damn fine save.
But what would you do if you thought your hemiola was about to be attacked by a hemi-demi-semi quaver?
I would give ten extra bonus points to the person who, alone among a sea of physicists, knew what a hemiola was!!!
What do you do if you lack a hemi-demi-semi quaver, but it seems to be playing Hayden seek with you?
Messiah
Feb21-04, 05:31 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Whoooaaaahhh!!! I'm impressed. Damn fine save.
I would give ten extra bonus points to the person who, alone among a sea of physicists, knew what a hemiola was!!!
What do you do if you lack a hemi-demi-semi quaver, but it seems to be playing Hayden seek with you?
So, we seem to be getting back to Franz again. What a Surprise [o)]
Ok...ok...so what would you do if the Queen ran into the Bear in Paris?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb21-04, 07:17 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
Ok...ok...so what would you do if the Queen ran into the Bear in Paris? Uhmmm follow her inn....and Offer to buy her a drink.
What do you do if the Owner of The Bear doesn't take Masteredcard® © ?
firefly
Feb24-04, 09:02 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if the Owner of The Bear doesn't take Masteredcard® © ? Guess you'll just have to bear with it; patience is a difficult thing to master I know, but once a card is played the game moves on.
What do you do if you see the game as moving onwards and upwards but you are certain the game is still, while whereas you are simply moving backwards and downwards?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb25-04, 06:24 AM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you see the game as moving onwards and upwards but you are certain the game is still, while whereas you are simply moving backwards and downwards? Turn around and KEEP goin'!
What do yo do if you are starting to type in a language that you are inventin' on the SpoT?
Messiah
Feb26-04, 08:04 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Turn around and KEEP goin'!
What do yo do if you are starting to type in a language that you are inventin' on the SpoT?
ÖÊÃt Ŧ¥¤ ±²³0┤¼ ©Â¾. (LOL)
°xÉÊËäåÄ ëØÖ ÑÛåï?? (no pun intended)
firefly
Feb27-04, 03:31 AM
Originally posted by Messiah
°xÉÊËäåÄ ëØÖ ÑÛåï?? (no pun intended) °xÉÊË is not usually combined with the any type of äåÄ as you imply, let alone would make good ëØÖ ÑÛåï although I agree that the latter is a wonderful soup, great when you have a cold (any and all puns intended, if only to allow the statements to take an odd, unexpecting tern (down by the lake, with a shotgun.))
What do you do if you are a member of an unprotective, overproliferated species and morally desensitized species, and you kitty cat gets stuck, all four claws, climbing the screen door?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb27-04, 05:32 AM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you are a member of an unprotective, overproliferated species and morally desensitized species, and you kitty cat gets stuck, all four claws, climbing the screen door? Laquer (spray, not brush, too many hairs) then a declaration of "Art Noveaux"!
What do you do if while presenting your "Art Noveaux", the (stupid?) Kitty Cat, reawakens (with/into life #4) stuck to the screen door, by both laquer, and their claws, and it starts howling the tune "Moon River" to the anger of your neighbour, (who would have prefered Au Claire Du La Lune) who then, sends over his wife, to beat you, to a pulp?
firefly
Feb27-04, 06:59 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if while presenting your "Art Noveaux", the (stupid?) Kitty Cat, reawakens (with/into life #4) stuck to the screen door, by both laquer, and their claws, and it starts howling the tune "Moon River" to the anger of your neighbour, (who would have prefered Au Claire Du La Lune) who then, sends over his wife, to beat you, to a pulp? I suspect the wife might be amenable to beating the hearth rather than you... and the dear cat, threatened with being catapulted directly, (abuse by use as kindling - lacquered fur should turbopower the ordinal transcendental transfer), into life #9, might well skip a few tracks and provide the desired melody. Remember to close the door, and if that husband comes asking to borrow a pen, for goodness sake's, don't tell him you're in bed!
What do you do if, in the above scenario, the husband comes over disguised as the wife, bearing a blowtorch althwhile wearing a captivating lip-glossed smile, and the cat, whose now 3rd death endows him with clairvoyance, jumps over the moon with his tail on fire... seeking his 4th rite of passage?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb27-04, 02:02 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if, in the above scenario, the husband comes over disguised as the wife, bearing a blowtorch althwhile wearing a captivating lip-glossed smile, and the cat, whose now 3rd death endows him with clairvoyance, jumps over the moon with his tail on fire... seeking his 4th rite of passage? Trip the husband, dressed as a wife, him thusly throwing the Blowing torched at the flying cat, and cedeing to the feline it's aquisition to ascention, thereafter forever beknownst as the passage of the Flying Flaming Pussies rite of passages....
What do you do if, the person(s) who just 'invented' the above writings (singlely, or together) asks you to come and be a participant in a diffent form of a Rite of Passage?
Messiah
Feb27-04, 02:40 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Trip the husband, dressed as a wife, him thusly throwing the Blowing torched at the flying cat, and cedeing to the feline it's aquisition to ascention, thereafter forever beknownst as the passage of the Flying Flaming Pussies rite of passages....
What do you do if, the person(s) who just 'invented' the above writings (singlely, or together) asks you to come and be a participant in a diffent form of a Rite of Passage?
You pass.
But what to you do if you are passing and see a UFO in the oncoming lane of traffic.
selfAdjoint
Feb27-04, 02:58 PM
But what to you do if you are passing and see a UFO in the oncoming lane of traffic.
You duck.
But what do you do if the duck is Donald?
Messiah
Feb27-04, 03:27 PM
Originally posted by selfAdjoint
But what to you do if you are passing and see a UFO in the oncoming lane of traffic.
You duck.
But what do you do if the duck is Donald?
You Trump him, of course, and then finish the hand.
But what do you do if the Trump suit is not a Ralph Lauren or Calvin Klein?
firefly
Feb27-04, 04:50 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
You Trump him, of course, and then finish the hand.
But what do you do if the Trump suit is not a Ralph Lauren or Calvin Klein? Well my sillies! such expectations would be out of line, for a Robin Parsons only could it be... such contortion of contextivity!
What do you do if the conspired content of the question led to an answer of inconsequentiality?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb27-04, 05:33 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if the conspired content of the question led to an answer of inconsequentiality? Remain consequentially quiet...
What do you do if having discovered that the Bald Bellied Bear (Black) had not eaten the rabbit, you don't know what line, to type next?
firefly
Feb27-04, 06:00 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if having discovered that the Bald Bellied Bear (Black) had not eaten the rabbit, you don't know what line, to type next? I would stick to a black-berry eating line, bears do love blackberries, dontcha know?
What do you do if a blackberry paled and turned blue, and worse were it said that once blue, the fruit turned sanguine red?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb27-04, 06:12 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if a blackberry paled and turned blue, and worse were it said that once blue, the fruit turned sanguine red? Make the worlds most delightful and delicious Wine(s)!....Uhmmm yum!
What do you do if you have just opened a bottle of the worlds most savory, and deliciously delightfull wine(s), and the aroma makes you instantly drunk? (no puking zone...please, something about the smell? or the roof? or what??)
firefly
Feb27-04, 06:19 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you have just opened a bottle of the worlds most savory, and deliciously delightfull wine(s), and the aroma makes you instantly drunk? Such delicacy cannot withstand the usual manhandling, and, as such, the best thing is to taste and intertwine the subtle savouring of the wine with other pleasures.
What do you do if the other pleasures intended are quite beyond your repertoire?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb27-04, 06:26 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if the other pleasures intended are quite beyond your repertoire? Subscribe to be a willing student! (then learn how!)
What do you do if your mother has left the cat outside in the rain, and now the mice in the house are running rampant, and taking all of the foodstuffs out of the pantry, the phone is ringing off of the wall hook because the dog is chewing at the wire while the rabbit is running around the 'inside' garden eating all of the lettuce which was to be for dinner tonight, so how will you reach your goal?
firefly
Feb27-04, 07:50 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your mother has left the cat outside in the rain, and now the mice in the house are running rampant, and taking all of the foodstuffs out of the pantry, the phone is ringing off of the wall hook because the dog is chewing at the wire while the rabbit is running around the 'inside' garden eating all of the lettuce which was to be for dinner tonight, so how will you reach your goal? Surely, had I not been prey to such an intoxicating influence as the Parsons brand liqueurs I should certainly be more able to navigate the nutrikinetic principles of the problem, however in my current state of disdress, my brain mush limits itself to providing the bare minimum... I will pour myself another: goal reached.
What do you do if the bottle is empty, and the quetion remains unansered, wet cat, chwing dog, running rabbit, chewed let us only imagine what plight awaits dessert?
Messiah
Feb27-04, 09:00 PM
Originally posted by firefly
I would stick to a black-berry eating line, bears do love blackberries, dontcha know?
What do you do if a blackberry paled and turned blue, and worse were it said that once blue, the fruit turned sanguine red?
I'd whine "sangria..."
But what would you if Jerry Jeff Walker offered you some?
firefly
Feb27-04, 09:36 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
But what would you if Jerry Jeff Walker offered you some? Drink it, as long as he drank twice my volume.
What do you do if the What do you do if thread is unraveled such as to skip the context, not to speak of the quest ion, insofaras the prior sanguine blackbearing saga?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Feb28-04, 07:21 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if the bottle is empty, and the quetion remains unansered, wet cat, chwing dog, running rabbit, chewed let us only imagine what plight awaits dessert?
Suppositioning that the prior, will lead to the post, the 'P'-light that awaits, as dessert, still awaits the permissory indication that allows the dessert to be, well, served...
Originally posted by an echo of firefly
What do you do if the What do you do if thread is unraveled such as to skip the context, not to speak of the quest ion, insofaras the prior sanguine blackbearing saga? Well in a 'quest ion' the charges accrue insofarasmuchas it is something electric in the sanguine nature of the Bears repast, past, but the bellied bear bared it's barb, to the bar band that consisted of the Two to's too, begging the query that ensconced, as embedded, is placed upon the quest the u'on, if you can bear up to it....
What do you do if, if, do you do what?
zoobyshoe
Mar2-04, 08:52 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, if, do you do what?
If, do you, do, then as early as page 20 in the Big Book Of Do's and If Do's they already start recommending the strategy of burying old TV remotes at strategic points in the back yard.
What do you do if you look out in the back yard to see a family of possums standing in a row, all winding their watches?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If, do you, do, then as early as page 20 in the Big Book Of Do's and If Do's they already start recommending the strategy of burying old TV remotes at strategic points in the back yard.
What do you do if you look out in the back yard to see a family of possums standing in a row, all winding their watches?
You gather them in a circle to wand their witches.
But what do you do if the possums play dead and they aren't convincing?
Math Is Hard
Mar2-04, 11:15 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
But what do you do if the possums play dead and they aren't convincing?
You give them acting lessons.
What do you do if it suddenly dawns on you that a woodchuck actually could chuck wood?
zoobyshoe
Mar2-04, 11:23 PM
Originally posted by Math Is Hard
What do you do if it suddenly dawns on you that a woodchuck actually could chuck wood?
For GODS SAKE don't tell anyone! The government has been secretly and illegally incarcerating people in mental institutions for years for coming to that important realization.
What do you do if you are trying to dislodge a rotund woodchuck from the srtings of a Boesendorfer grand piano in order to pack it for shipment to Calgary, the greatest city in the world, but each time you get one of his feet unstuck he gets another one caught?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are trying to dislodge a rotund woodchuck from the strings of a Bosendorfer grand piano in order to pack it for shipment to Calgary, the greatest city in the world, but each time you get one of his feet unstuck he gets another one caught?
Well of course the woodchuck in question was 'high strung' so preferred a Bosendorfer grand for hibernation. Upon being awakened by a hungry zooby, he had to lodge his foot to prevent his certain consumption, he would rather risk it in Calgary which all ground burrowers know is the worst city in the world as their type is persecuted in the prairie province, so the dumpy duffer, dexterously diverted definite desolation.
Obviously all one must do to dislodge his leg and get hime moving in quick time is to play him an Allegro Marmota monax then suggest a Baby Grand for future hibernations.
So what do you do if an aggitated alligator arrives arguing arduosly against alliteration?
zoobyshoe
Mar3-04, 06:27 AM
Originally posted by null
So what do you do if an aggitated alligator arrives arguing arduosly against alliteration?
A gator who scorns `lliteration,
Should not be allowed in the nation.
A reptile like that
Makes poetry flat,
Which just leads to much prosey stagnation.
During weird, purple jellyfish season, large herds of weird, purple jellyfish are washed up on the beaches of Southern California. At the same time, freak rainstorms sometimes wash large numbers of rattlesnakes down to the beaches via the stormdrains where they hide in the many piles of kelp, there being nowhere else for them to go.
What do you do if you're caught between a jellyfish and a rattlenake?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you look out in the backyard and find a family of woodchucks standing in a line dressed as Elvis, and singing "Love Me Tender"?
Cook him until he is.
But what would you do if Elvis got into a fight with Jimmy Hoffa?
zoobyshoe
Mar3-04, 06:38 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
But what would you do if Elvis got into a fight with Jimmy Hoffa?
I would pack them both inside a grand piano crate and ship them to Louisiana.
During weird, purple jellyfish season, large herds of weird, purple jellyfish are washed up on the beaches of Southern California. At the same time, freak rainstorms sometimes wash large numbers of rattlesnakes down to the beaches via the stormdrains where they hide in the many piles of kelp, there being nowhere else for them to go.
What do you do if you're caught between a jellyfish and a rattlenake?
Math Is Hard
Mar3-04, 06:45 PM
What do you do if you're caught between a jellyfish and a rattlenake?
Jump straight up in the air. The rattlesnake that is lunging at you will miss and hit the Jellyfish. The rattlesnake bite will kill the jellyfish and the jellyfish sting will kill the rattlesnake.
but what do you do if you don't have a good recipe for jellyfish jambalaya or rattlesnake ratatouille?
zoobyshoe
Mar4-04, 12:34 AM
Originally posted by Math Is Hard
but what do you do if you don't have a good recipe for jellyfish jambalaya or rattlesnake ratatouille?
Try the zoobie recipe: as is.
What do you do if, no matter how much you scold and yell, a herd of washed up jellyfish decides you're their mother and slithers after you where ever you go?
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Try the zoobie recipe: as is.
What do you do if, no matter how much you scold and yell, a herd of washed up jellyfish decides you're their mother and slithers after you where ever you go?
Become very suspicious.
-First attempt to invert the invertebrates to produce the famed fish jelly.
-If unsuccessful then it is as I suspected, you've been snookered [8)], jelly can slide but it can't slither (even if rattled), it must be a hallucination invoked by the psychedelic pseudo jellyfish. I recommend you consociate these gelatinous gems so you may reef the euphoric rewards[6)].
What do you do if upon reefing too many of the psychedelic pseudo jellyfish rewards you
are only able to confabulate in haiku?
Originally posted by null
Become very suspicious.
-First attempt to invert the invertebrates to produce the famed fish jelly.
-If unsuccessful then it is as I suspected, you've been snookered [8)], jelly can slide but it can't slither (even if rattled), it must be a hallucination invoked by the psychedelic pseudo jellyfish. I recommend you consociate these gelatinous gems so you may reef the euphoric rewards[6)].
What do you do if upon reefing too many of the psychedelic pseudo jellyfish rewards you
are only able to confabulate in haiku?
I'd go out of my mime.
But what would you do if the ×äõí¼ diddled the ³¨¤Ÿ in broad daylight?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar4-04, 08:48 AM
Originally posted by Messiah
But what would you do if the ×äõí¼ diddled the ³¨¤Ÿ in broad daylight? Smile while calling the 'Diddling' police...
What do you do if, when the "diddling" police show up it is the 'BPO' and she is accompanied by the 'MMB', who wants to Diddle YOU?
zoobyshoe
Mar4-04, 08:44 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, when the "diddling" police show up it is the 'BPO' and she is accompanied by the 'MMB', who wants to Diddle YOU?
I don't think those characters will be showing up. Their costumes have been eaten full of holes by moth larvae from years in storage, and the Lovely Sally O'Malley, who used to play the MMB, has been arrested for shoplifting and minor drug possession charges, while Shirley "Pearly" Morgan, who used to play the BPO now weighs in at over 300 pounds.
What do you do if you look out in your back yard and discover a team of NASA engineers and a camera crew using it as a space to hoax the martian rover pictures?
Math Is Hard
Mar5-04, 01:25 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you look out in your back yard and discover a team of NASA engineers and a camera crew using it as a space to hoax the martian rover pictures?
well... DUH! You call Art Bell. [:D]
What do you do if the line is busy?
zoobyshoe
Mar5-04, 01:39 AM
Originally posted by Math Is Hard
What do you do if the line is busy?
His line is always busy because the show is a hoax, all the callers are actors, and while the tape is playing the thoroughly inebriated Mr. Bell is usually at home crawling on all fours around his trailer trying to find the bathroom.
What do you do if you're thoroughly inebriated, and crawling on all fours around your trailer, when the Men In Black from Area 51 show up yet again to find out exactly how much it is you know about their reverse engineering program?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar7-04, 08:41 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're thoroughly inebriated, and crawling on all fours around your trailer, when the Men In Black from Area 51 show up yet again to find out exactly how much it is you know about their reverse engineering program? Llet Meht gnihtyreve I t'nod wonk, Backwards!
What to you do if, someone figures out that, your secret code(ing system) is to write everything backwards?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Llet Meht gnihtyreve I t'nod wonk, Backwards!
What to you do if, someone figures out that, your secret code(ing system) is to write everything backwards?
Angechay the odecay
But what would you do if they cracked your super-duper most secret code - INVISIBLE to the naked eye and figured out how to read your mind as well??
PS: Just think like a "#D0D0"
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar8-04, 08:38 AM
Originally posted by Messiah
But what would you do if they cracked your super-duper most secret code - INVISIBLE to the naked eye and figured out how to read your mind as well?? Well, first I would 'highlight' (to copy/paste) so's I'sa could reads'a the hidden massages, then, I would cease thinking, completely!
What would you do if you ceased thinking, completely?
zoobyshoe
Mar8-04, 08:45 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What would you do if you ceased thinking, completely?
You would prove Descartes wrong.
What do you do if you are waiting at a street corner to cross to the liquor store to procure some Demon Vodka when your floppy trousers slip off your skinny, boney hips, revealing that you have forgotten to eat for the past three weeks, so eager were you for each days stream of martinis made with Parson's™ Sparkling Aged Vodka?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar8-04, 07:36 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are waiting at a street corner to cross to the liquor store to procure some Demon Vodka when your floppy trousers slip off your skinny, boney hips, revealing that you have forgotten to eat for the past three weeks, so eager were you for each days stream of martinis made with Parson's™ Sparkling Aged Vodka? Grab the pants, pull them back up, (bootstraping!) run across the street, to the food store! and eat!
What do you do if, after having eaten, and drunken twelve and a half Flying'ing zoobies, you realize that it is now time to beeeee's a sleeeepeeepoo....and the shelter your in is a 'detox', so's ya cant'st sleeeeeeepooo there?
(more true then you know?? HUH???)
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Grab the pants, pull them back up, (bootstraping!) run across the street, to the food store! and eat!
What do you do if, after having eaten, and drunken twelve and a half Flying'ing zoobies, you realize that it is now time to beeeee's a sleeeepeeepoo....and the shelter your in is a 'detox', so's ya cant'st sleeeeeeepooo there?
(more true then you know?? HUH???)
I's grab a line of ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ's at the Y, X the street and watch W on the TV - wouldn't U?
B t w at wou d yo o if you ke board sudde ly st rted skip ing let ers?
zoobyshoe
Mar8-04, 08:34 PM
Behold: The Lord High Executioner
B t w at wou d yo o if you ke board sudde ly st rted skip ing let ers?
Whatever you do, don't try and tune it up with your snicker-snee.
What would you do, then, were you liberated then on bail, on your own recognizances?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar9-04, 05:21 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What would you do, then, were you liberated then on bail, on your own recognizances? Recognize my recongnizances that bailed my out of the anti-liberational situation that had been holding me to a recognizance that I hadn't recognized!
What do you do if, you are asked a question, and the only responce you can think of, is the thought that you precluded yourself from thinking?
zoobyshoe
Mar10-04, 05:13 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, you are asked a question, and the only responce you can think of, is the thought that you precluded yourself from thinking?
It's funny, but the only answer I can think of is one I precluded myself from thinking.
What do you do if you're pulling petals off a daisy saying "She loves me, she loves me not..." when you are suddenly attacked and wrestled to the ground by a horde of burly daisys who begin tugging at your leg?
Messiah
Mar10-04, 08:22 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're pulling petals off a daisy saying "She loves me, she loves me not..." when you are suddenly attacked and wrestled to the ground by a horde of burly daisys who begin tugging at your leg?
I'd chain 'em and let the fun begin.
But what would you do if the chain broke and all the links (http://) went dead?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar10-04, 12:38 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
But what would you do if the chain broke and all the links (http://) went dead? Thank God!...and walk away
What would you do if, you were at the rear end of a chain, and the 'Link', at the front, was yelling..."Form a circle!"?
Messiah
Mar10-04, 03:32 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What would you do if, you were at the rear end of a chain, and the 'Link', at the front, was yelling..."Form a circle!"?
Reverse course, of course.
But what would you do if the course was coarse?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar10-04, 05:14 PM
Originally posted by Messiah, slightly South of here
But what would you do if the course was coarse? Well the course to follow, on a coarse course, is to cruise the coarse course, as if it were a smooth course, rather then a coarse course, (of course!) such that the result of the coursing, is, of course, coursed out for us, coarsly (by the coasrt guard? HUH?)
What would you do if, while you were waiting for a bus, a person came over to you, asking you the time, you looked at your watch, fell into an alternate reality in which "Everything was Everywhere" (all at once) recognizing it immediately as "NO" space, you jumped out, into the lack of dimension, and you ended up in the arms of...what?
Messiah
Mar10-04, 09:00 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What would you do if, while you were waiting for a bus, a person came over to you, asking you the time, you looked at your watch, fell into an alternate reality in which "Everything was Everywhere" (all at once) recognizing it immediately as "NO" space, you jumped out, into the lack of dimension, and you ended up in the arms of...what?
Mass destruction, of course - but that goes back to W, doesn't it?
But what would you do E didn't equal Mc^2?
zoobyshoe
Mar11-04, 12:05 AM
Originally posted by Messiah
But what would you do E didn't equal Mc^2?
I think I would feel rather like the guy who went up a mountain and came down a molehill.
What do you do if, having counted your chickens before they hatched, you are stunned when every egg bears quintuplets?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar11-04, 05:25 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, having counted your chickens before they hatched, you are stunned when every egg bears quintuplets? Buy a wheelbarrow, head towards (( Bank )) make deposition... then eat brekie, Sunny side all over....
What do you do if while frying up a couple of "Sunny Side all over" eggies, they start complaining about their present treatment, and call the poeple at PETA?
zoobyshoe
Mar11-04, 11:30 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if while frying up a couple of "Sunny Side all over" eggies, they start complaining about their present treatment, and call the poeple at PETA?
Those poeple (sic)
Will find it woefull.
-Ogden Zoob
What do you do if you are enjoying a demi-tasse of café at an outdoor table in the beautiful autumn weather of Paris at Le Café Du Lapin Dormant when le garçon brings you a note from a woman sitting alone in the shade at the other side of the terrace which says:"Voulez vous splerfunctate avec moi,ce soir?"
Math Is Hard
Mar11-04, 03:24 PM
What do you do if you are enjoying a demi-tasse of café at an outdoor table in the beautiful autumn weather of Paris at Le Café Du Lapin Dormant when le garçon brings you a note from a woman sitting alone in the shade at the other side of the terrace which says:"Voulez vous splerfunctate avec moi,ce soir?"
Beware! This is a very dangerous Scrabble hustler who is challenging you to a game for money. The cafes of Paris are crawling with these crafty con-artists. Unless you are an unusually deft player, politely decline her invitation.
What do you do if you discover that the shady lady is in cahoots with the waiter who has most likely mickeyed your drink and two hours from now you'll wake up on the pavement with your wallet gone and a screaming headache and a single wooden tile with a "W" etched into it still clasped in your palm?
Messiah
Mar11-04, 06:10 PM
Originally posted by Math Is Hard
What do you do if you discover that the shady lady is in cahoots with the waiter who has most likely mickeyed your drink and two hours from now you'll wake up on the pavement with your wallet gone and a screaming headache and a single wooden tile with a "W" etched into it still clasped in your palm?
I'd hustle on down to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and ask for my wallet back.
But what would you do if you had read the tile upside down?
zoobyshoe
Mar11-04, 11:14 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
But what would you do if you had read the tile upside down?
That would clearly be a case where splerfunctation would be in order.
What do you do if you're floating on your back in the Seine with a photograph of a painting of Russian Czar Ivan Drozny proped up on your chest to remind you why you're happy you weren't born during his dreadfull reign, when a sealed suitcase comes drifting by which turns out to be full of
leprechauns who have illegally crossed the channel from Ireland and are planning on occupying the Eiffel tower untill they are granted citizenship and free whisky for life?
Messiah
Mar12-04, 08:06 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're floating on your back in the Seine with a photograph of a painting of Russian Czar Ivan Drozny proped up on your chest to remind you why you're happy you weren't born during his dreadfull reign, when a sealed suitcase comes drifting by which turns out to be full of
leprechauns who have illegally crossed the channel from Ireland and are planning on occupying the Eiffel tower untill they are granted citizenship and free whisky for life?
I would reflect on the fact that I was, indeed, certifiably in-Seine and dismiss the episode entirely.
But what would you do if Dish Network entirely dismissed an episode of SOUTH PARK??
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar12-04, 01:14 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
But what would you do if Dish Network entirely dismissed an episode of SOUTH PARK?? Send them a notice of 'Dishmissial'...
What would you do if your neighbour was your best friend, by your "cousin's" wife...?
firefly
Mar12-04, 01:46 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What would you do if your neighbour was your best friend, by your "cousin's" wife...? Nay, bars should never entirely be trusted. They always look to the furtherment of the institution and not the individual.
What do you do if your neighbour and wife was cuzzin' at you at the bar, every other night, on the other nights?
Messiah
Mar12-04, 02:05 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if your neighbour and wife was cuzzin' at you at the bar, every other night, on the other nights?
End the discuss'n, of course. But what if your sister, the nun, became irate and called you "your brother's father"?
firefly
Mar12-04, 02:12 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
But what if your sister, the nun, became irate and called you "your brother's father"? I always rate, first of all, and i wouldn't say second to nun, thank you very much.
What do you do if, despite the pecking order, this Sister is abominably right?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar12-04, 08:27 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if, despite the pecking order, this Sister is abominably right? Take the Left, at 'Beatifiedly' wrong!
What do you do if your sister, likes your sister, better then you?
zoobyshoe
Mar12-04, 09:54 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your sister, likes your sister, better then you?
What do you "mean" by "sister"? Do you mean "sis-ter", `si-ster' sistah, si (ni) ster, "Sin"ster,
s[p]i[n]ster, or any of the hundreds of other pseudo-double meanings the word could be tortured into having with no particularly humorous result?
What do you do if you notice Mean Mr. Mustard flapping his pole at innocent, young school girls passing on their way to the candy store?
firefly
Mar13-04, 05:34 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you notice Mean Mr. Mustard flapping his pole at innocent, young school girls passing on their way to the candy store? Give him an Oscar (Meyer Wiener) he can flap instead and, in your best Queen's English, suggest we be on our way home.
What do you do if you can't ketchup to him?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar13-04, 07:19 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you can't ketchup to him? Relish the spiceness of the moment, And pass any further 'colmdiments' on to Peter Pickler, Please!
What do you do if Peter Pickler is out pickling with him Wife Patricka?
zoobyshoe
Mar13-04, 11:34 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if Peter Pickler is out pickling with him Wife Patricka?
"...with him Wife Patricka"? Peter is either a refugee from an Indian band in a 1930's western, or a proponent of the new gay marriage. I find papricka to be a superfluous spice, one way or the other.
What do you do if you are leaning toward a conclusion when all of a sudden a chaotic reversal occurs and renders you to be tending toward an opinion?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar14-04, 06:27 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are leaning toward a conclusion when all of a sudden a chaotic reversal occurs and renders you to be tending toward an opinion? Generally, speaking people with leaning tendancies, tend to lean in a direction of "inability to decide", properly, for themselves, anyways, so....why bother...
What do you do if'n you ain't gonna bodher, no more!!?
EDIT (no{t} really) No typo's were "in-jured" (En-dured, yes!) in the execution of the type!
zoobyshoe
Mar14-04, 08:44 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if'n you ain't gonna bodher, no more!!?
It's funny you should ax that quetion because, recently, when I was incarcerated for extortion, contortion, and other crimes of torque, there wasn't much room so they had to squeeze me in between drunk and disorderly, 6'4' football halfback, Ed Johnson, and 350 lb. ice cream thief and couch potato, Richie Wilson. I was caught between a jock and a lard face.
In truth I was innocent. Leonard Nimoy wouldn't give me his autograph, so I followed him down the street pleading. He got fed up and whistled, whereupon a burley, uniformed man appeared with a can of pepper spray. What do you do if you're caught between Spock and his guard's mace?
firefly
Mar14-04, 09:29 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
In truth I was innocent. Leonard Nimoy wouldn't give me his autograph, so I followed him down the street pleading. He got fed up and whistled, whereupon a burley, uniformed man appeared with a can of pepper spray. What do you do if you're caught between Spock and his guard's mace? Simply doing what is logical should avoid maceration and placate the green-blooded elvenkind.
What do you do if you bought a lot of stock in lard, and it vanishes without a trace?
zoobyshoe
Mar14-04, 09:59 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you bought a lot of stock in lard, and it vanishes without a trace?
Clearly a case of Lard-Abduction by gray space aliens intent upon breeding a newer, plumper alien-lard hybrid.
What do you do if your pet goldfish, Ellen, teaches herself to hold her breath for ten minutes at a time and uses this superpower to entertain herself by sneaking out of her bowl at night to turn on the television and various other electrical devices to gleefully snicker at your amazed confusion and consternation as you rush around checking door locks and looking under the couch for prowlers?
Math Is Hard
Mar15-04, 12:03 AM
Easy. You lock up her bowl at night.
But what do you do if you mildew?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar15-04, 06:01 AM
Originally posted by Math Is Hard
But what do you do if you mildew? Well last time I had to Mil the Dew, well, I tell you, getting out that micrometer of Zoobyshoes is about as difficult as growing your sheeps skins as long as their hair/wool, and that dew, WOW vanishes in the mist like it was water or something, Yikes!!
What do you do if the question reads: Yikes!?
firefly
Mar15-04, 05:31 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if the question reads: Yikes!? Perform breathing exercises and tell yourself it's just a screen.
What do you do if you simply cannot work yourself up to the task at hand?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar15-04, 06:18 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you simply cannot work yourself up to the task at hand? Use your feet...
What do you do if you need to use your feet, but they are bound, and gagged?
firefly
Mar16-04, 05:13 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you need to use your feet, but they are bound, and gagged? Ehhhh, open foot, insert mouth? Anyway, sounds kinky to me.
What do you do if there's a little green man in your head, and the Kinks won't stop telling you about it?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar16-04, 07:37 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if there's a little green man in your head, and the Kinks won't stop telling you about it? Stop using the CD 'tray' as a cup holder, and the sensation of repeating musical will either diminish, evaporate, or get greatly louder instantly...as for the kinks, well sounds Kinky to me to, two's too...!
What do you do if you can feel the sexuality in the air, from a myriad of persons of the opposite sex, but no one is willing to satisfy the intensity?
Math Is Hard
Mar16-04, 10:21 PM
What do you do if you can feel the sexuality in the air, from a myriad of persons of the opposite sex, but no one is willing to satisfy the intensity?
I suppose you take matters into your own hands.
What do you do if your hands fall asleep?
zoobyshoe
Mar17-04, 02:18 AM
Originally posted by Math Is Hard
What do you do if your hands fall asleep?
Do not fret. Ron Popeil is hard at work as we speak on his amazing new Manual Reinvigoration Finger And Palm Massager which is guarranteed to refresh all tired, sleepy, or fatigued forepaws on any creature with an opposable thumb. Great for card players, computer programmers, oyster shuckers, concert pianists, and anyone who has to take matters into their own hands.
What do you do if while painting your masterpiece, Portrait of the Artist as Whistler's Mother's Son while pretending to be Etching a Self Portrait in a Reflecting Globe Just After Having Changed Out His Blue Boy Costume Prior to a Short Sketching Session at the Moulin Rouge your cat, Cynthia, jumps up onto your pallet and smears your careful mixture of viridian green and cerulian blue into the nearby blob of cadmium red, along with several blades of freshly cut grass and one ladybug?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar17-04, 07:57 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if while painting your masterpiece, Portrait of the Artist as Whistler's Mother's Son while pretending to be Etching a Self Portrait in a Reflecting Globe Just After Having Changed Out His Blue Boy Costume Prior to a Short Sketching Session at the Moulin Rouge your cat, Cynthia, jumps up onto your pallet and smears your careful mixture of viridian green and cerulian blue into the nearby blob of cadmium red, along with several blades of freshly cut grass and one ladybug? Scream Eureka and grab the varnish!
What do you do if your varnish has hardened and the painting is suffering oxygen degradation because of it's NEED of said varnish??
firefly
Mar17-04, 12:50 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your varnish has hardened and the painting is suffering oxygen degradation because of it's NEED of said varnish?? This is one of those unsual cases where simply not thinking about the problem will make it go away: the painting will soon vanish.
What do you do if you the painting vanishes, but the ladybug does not, and she would like to fly away home but for the unfortunate residue of Cerulean blue which is pasting her wings together making flight quite an impossibility, not to mention rendering her unrecognizable to her kind and therefore likely to be repelled by her young and expelled from her very home, were she even able to get there?
Messiah
Mar17-04, 03:52 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you the painting vanishes, but the ladybug does not, and she would like to fly away home but for the unfortunate residue of Cerulean blue which is pasting her wings together making flight quite an impossibility, not to mention rendering her unrecognizable to her kind and therefore likely to be repelled by her young and expelled from her very home, were she even able to get there?
I'd buy her two tickets on Southwest airlines, tell her to find a body painter and send regards to her family.
But what would you do if the left wing of the airplane fell off - in fact the left wing of EVERY airplane fell off - and you discovered it was a gigantic left-wing conspiracy?
firefly
Mar17-04, 04:49 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
what would you do if the left wing of the airplane fell off - in fact the left wing of EVERY airplane fell off - and you discovered it was a gigantic left-wing conspiracy? No surprise really. The left wing has been challenged from the start... since the Wright brothers pioneered aircraft and flight as we know it.
What do you do if the What Do You Do If thread has become so riddled with lefts, rights and wrongs it is impossible to determine the orientation of the plane, which way is up, or which wing is which, so you cannot make heads let alone (what do you do if) tales out of anything any more?
Messiah
Mar17-04, 04:53 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if the What Do You Do If thread has become so riddled with lefts, rights and wrongs it is impossible to determine the orientation of the plane, which way is up, or which wing is which, so you cannot make heads let alone (what do you do if) tales out of anything any more?
I'd CRASH - then start over with
Q : What Do You Do If you were A Very Popular Rock Star ?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar17-04, 05:25 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
Q : What Do You Do If you were A Very Popular Rock Star ? I'd CRASH - then start over with
What would you do if you could do if?
firefly
Mar17-04, 05:29 PM
Originally posted by Messiah
What Do You Do If you were A Very Popular Rock Star ? Neither a planet nor a star, I guess I'd be an oxymoron. At the height of my success, the best I might hope for is a special episode of Nova.
What do you do if you're scuba-diving in the Lesser Antilles and you realize you have barely enough oxygen left to get you to the surface without bubbling nitrogen through your blood... but just as you're about to set off, The Little Mermaid appears out of nowhere and hypnotizes you into a delightful dream of dances with the druids, from which you awake startled to hear her bubbling laughter recede in a manner strangely reminiscent of sparkling sangria on a summer's day?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar17-04, 05:51 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you're scuba-diving in the Lesser Antilles and you realize you have barely enough oxygen left to get you to the surface without bubbling nitrogen through your blood... but just as you're about to set off, The Little Mermaid appears out of nowhere and hypnotizes you into a delightful dream of dances with the druids, from which you awake startled to hear her bubbling laughter recede in a manner strangely reminiscent of sparkling sangria on a summer's day? Realize that I had just died, but that death was the same as life, or so it seemed, so I would go on living...hoping that the mermaided would return, and especially with a refill on that Sangria Yummmmmmmmmieeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
What do you do if you couldn't do if?
(One more time, or Too Two's to....)
zoobyshoe
Mar17-04, 05:55 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if you're scuba-diving in the Lesser Antilles and you realize you have barely enough oxygen left to get you to the surface without bubbling nitrogen through your blood... but just as you're about to set off, The Little Mermaid appears out of nowhere and hypnotizes you into a delightful dream of dances with the druids, from which you awake startled to hear her bubbling laughter recede in a manner strangely reminiscent of sparkling sangria on a summer's day?
Freud would interpret this rapture of the deep as expressing a long repressed desire to do a drunk druid dance, saucily sipping sangria. The mermaid represents the French maid costume you would like to wear while doing this (Mer=sea in French).
What do you do if you discover that in the land of French sea maids, all females are waited on hand and foot by self contained above water nitrogen breathing druid garçons whose supply of sangria is endless, and who enjoy rowing you around the perifery of any of the lesser Antilles in Venetian gondolas, who enjoy carrying you around the perifery of any anthill, and who will read Proust to you while you eat, service compris?
Mr. Robin Parsons
Mar17-04, 06:00 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you discover that in the land of French sea maids, all females are waited on hand and foot by self contained above water nitrogen breathing druid garçons whose supply of sangria is endless, and who enjoy rowing you around the perifery of any of the lesser Antilles in Venetian gondolas, who enjoy carrying you around the perifery of any anthill, and who will read Proust to you while you eat, service compris? Definately...LEAVE!
What do you do if you have left?
zoobyshoe
Mar17-04, 07:47 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you have left?
Return.
What do you do if the subservient, nitrogenous, druid garçons of the lesser Antilles decide to hold a sea maid beauty contest to see who will become their queen and ruler and Mr. Robin Parsons keeps trying to fill out an entry form as a contestant despite the fact he is universally considered unappealing by all standards of beauty when wearing a French maid's uniform, a mermaid costume, or coconut brassiere?
Math Is Hard
Mar17-04, 09:04 PM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the subservient, nitrogenous, druid garçons of the lesser Antilles decide to hold a sea maid beauty contest to see who will become their queen and ruler and Mr. Robin Parsons keeps trying to fill out an entry form as a contestant despite the fact he is universally considered unappealing by all standards of beauty when wearing a French maid's uniform, a mermaid costume, or coconut brassiere?
You send him to a cosmologist to make him more "universally" appealling.
What do you do if your mother's father's daughter turns out to be your sister's cousin's aunt?
zoobyshoe
Mar18-04, 02:20 AM
Originally posted by Math Is Hard
What do you do if your mother's father's daughter turns out to be your sister's cousin's aunt?
In most countries you are stuck with the situation. In New Zealand, however, due to an archaic law that has never been struck from the books it is possible to forcibly demote any first cousin to second or third cousin by completely tattooing your face with grotesque designs and performing a series of hideous grimaces untill they are intimidated into submission.
What do you do if in the darkest room of the darkest house on the darkest street of the darkest city you find a scrap of paper laying on the floor with the word scootogenic written on it in the black blood of a hoot owl who died from the bite of a black bat who caught rabies from a flea that had traveled on the back of a mangey great dane on a ship around Cape Horn from San Francisco in the year !888?
firefly
Mar18-04, 11:55 AM
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if in the darkest room of the darkest house on the darkest street of the darkest city you find a scrap of paper laying on the floor with the word scootogenic written on it in the black blood of a hoot owl who died from the bite of a black bat who caught rabies from a flea that had traveled on the back of a mangey great dane on a ship around Cape Horn from San Francisco in the year !888? In the year !888, you say? Ahhhh! I daresay therein lies the key to your quetion, for it is a documented hysterical fact that in the year !888 the Great Doge of Venice, returned, after a long exile, having been forced to flea a few years prior by the unseemly hysterisms of his second cousin, twice removed. And this leader brought with him, from the land of his roots, a vast supply of Danish pastry... so, I would eat pastry by golly yes, eat delicious danish pastry!
What do you do if said Danish Delights, which satisfied the midnight cravings of all Venetians (including anyone batty, and those who did not give a hoot) also served the ghastly purposes of the Venusians and their guileful comings and goings, masquerading as genuine citizens who later went so far as to coin the Latin chant, "Venite adoremus," (since adopted, ironically, as a Christian carol), such that these aliens were able for centuries hence to remain infiltrated, feigning loyalty by way of sweets and song?
zoobyshoe
Mar18-04, 09:03 PM
Originally posted by firefly
What do you do if said Danish Delights, which satisfied the midnight cravings of all Venetians (including anyone batty, and those who did not give a hoot) also served the ghastly purposes of the Venusians and their guileful comings and goings, masquerading as genuine citizens who later went so far as to coin the Latin chant, "Venite adoremus," (since adopted, ironically, as a Christian carol), such that these aliens were able for centuries hence to remain infiltrated, feigning loyalty by way of sweets and song?
I would say, then, "There is something rotten in the state of these danish." And I would pass the info along to the three musketeers at The Lone Gunman in the hopes they would place a call to the Lonely agent Mulder and the Lovely agent Scully (whose Latin is not lacking since her Catholicism is Currant, as are her danish, and whose buns, not the currant ones, come, let us adore them). And it is because of their fondness for sweet Danish that we now know why the gray space aliens have no teeth left.
What do you do if you have been hard at work translating news from Italian in to English, you publish it on the web, and then you discover that it is a secret code giving the signal to all sweet-craving de-dentured indentured, dented gray space aliens to now disdain the Danish during the Dunkin' Donuts Dormancy Deregulation Drive?
i will make some tea .. so i won't sleep trying to get your question :confused:
what do you do if you saw god coming to you, telling you "greetings human ! you are the next prophet, you lead ppl back to the right way" ?
laminatedevildoll
Oct26-05, 12:08 AM
i will make some tea .. so i won't sleep trying to get your question :confused:
what do you do if you saw god coming to you, telling you "greetings human ! you are the next prophet, you lead ppl back to the right way" ?
I would say 'I will try to lead them in the right path, but the final decisions they make are up to them.'
What would you do if someone gave you a dirty look?
Townsend
Oct26-05, 12:11 AM
I would say 'I will try to lead them in the right path, but the final decisions they make are up to them.'
What would you do if someone gave you a dirty look?
I would try to have sex with them.....:tongue2:
What would you do if suddenly found your self naked, tied to a bed and covered in oil?
laminatedevildoll
Oct26-05, 12:19 AM
I would try to have sex with them.....:tongue2:
What would you do if suddenly found your self naked, tied to a bed and covered in oil?
I would try to guess the kind of oil I am covered in. Hopefully, it's not some cheap stuff from kmart.
What would you do if you son was at home crying out loud in the bedroom floor cos he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to get with a man for a little bit of money?
Let the lil bugger starve!
What would you do if you didnt know how to spell starve?
zoobyshoe
Oct26-05, 02:20 PM
What would you do if you didnt know how to spell starve?
I don't know, but I'm subtracting 40 point from your score for asking "What would you do if..."
What do you do if you're hanging by three toenails from a tall crane over a lake of giant squid ink?
Close my eyes and hope none gets up my nose.
What do you do if you're made out of cheese and have to travel to the land of the cheese eating people?
What do you do if you're made out of cheese and have to travel to the land of the cheese eating people?
I would let myself get really moldy and hide out in the back of a cheese eaters refrigerator with the rest of the moldy cheese.
What would you do if your pants caught on fire while watching your favorite TV show?
zoobyshoe
Oct26-05, 06:00 PM
What would you do if your pants caught on fire while watching your favorite TV show?
I would grieve for the 50 points I just lost for saying "What would you do if..."
What do you do if you misspell "quetion" in the other thread, and have to suffer for three months in quetion hell?
Entropy
Oct26-05, 06:44 PM
What do you do if you misspell "quetion" in the other thread, and have to suffer for three months in quetion hell?
Kill myself.
What would you do if you had a super power that aloud you to make people's heads explode just by thinking about it?
laminatedevildoll
Oct26-05, 07:30 PM
Kill myself.
What would you do if you had a super power that aloud you to make people's heads explode just by thinking about it?
I would transfer my super power to my most beloved Physics book, so whenever people take crap about Physics, their heads would explode.
What would you do if you feel raped after taking a Physics midterm?
I'd stop taking my midterms in the pub...
Whad do you do if your hands are freezing and there are no gloves or warm clothes around?
*brrrr*
I quickly find some aluminum and iron oxide and make some thermite to heat it up!
What do you do if you feel like jumping off a cliff?
honestrosewater
Oct27-05, 05:24 AM
What do you do if you feel like jumping off a cliff?Reach over to the person standing next to me, push them off, and ask them what it's like.
What do you do if you can't hear their response?
Clean out your ears.
But but but... what do you do if..............
you accidentally won the Nobel Peace Prize?
laminatedevildoll
Oct27-05, 12:06 PM
I would be the president of the entire world.
What would you do if you just woke up and you feel crap?
Entropy
Oct27-05, 12:38 PM
What would you do if you just woke up and you feel [like] crap?
Flush myself down the toliet.
What would you do if you could fly?
laminatedevildoll
Oct27-05, 01:14 PM
What would you do if you could fly?
I'd spy on all the hot Physics students as well as the Physicists.
What would you do if you have no clean underwear?
Entropy
Oct27-05, 04:56 PM
What would you do if you have no clean underwear?
Do what I always do, wear nothing.
What would you do if you wear a bacterium?
matthyaouw
Oct27-05, 05:20 PM
Multiply.
What do you do if you find yourself to be the last person on earth?
laminatedevildoll
Oct27-05, 06:09 PM
Multiply.
What do you do if you find yourself to be the last person on earth?
Move to our 'sister earth' all the way on the other side of the universe.
What would you do if you were locked inside a library for one night?
Move to our 'sister earth' all the way on the other side of the universe.
What would you do if you were locked inside a library for one night?
Probably go to sleep.
What do you do if you are walking around town and see everyone falling to the ground one by one?
laminatedevildoll
Oct27-05, 06:57 PM
Probably go to sleep.
What do you do if you are walking around town and see everyone falling to the ground one by one?
I would be impressed by my 'gangsterness.'
What would you do if you saw your man cheating on you?
I would stop being a homosexual.
What do you do if your vacuum cleaner is in reverse?
laminatedevildoll
Oct28-05, 03:16 AM
I would stop being a homosexual.
What do you do if your vacuum cleaner is in reverse?
I would call the geek squad.
What would you do if you are up awake at the middle of the night with nothing to do?
I would call the geek squad.
What do you do if you think you are black and you move to the Bronx?
Entropy
Oct28-05, 09:35 AM
What do you do if you think you are black and you move to the Bronx?
Rap about how much I hate white people.
What would you do if you where a llama?
matthyaouw
Oct28-05, 09:59 AM
Spit on as many people as I can.
What would you do if you were spat on by a man who thought he was a llama?
Pretend to be a camel and get the hump!
what do you do if you are really tired and need sleep but can't go to bed?
laminatedevildoll
Oct28-05, 03:08 PM
I would dance around my pole to get some exercise and to relieve the tension.
What do you do if you suck at Physics?
Be a chemist!
What do you do if you suck at physics and chemistry!
Be a chemist!
What do you do if you suck at physics and chemistry!
Get better or kill myself
What do you do if you need money?
Entropy
Oct28-05, 05:45 PM
What do you do if you need money?
Do what I always do: whore myself to fat chicks.
What would you do if I needed money?
laminatedevildoll
Oct28-05, 08:09 PM
What would you do if I needed money?
Give you my stripper cash.
What do you do when you are hungry in the middle of the night in bed?
Give you my stripper cash.
What do you do when you are hungry in the middle of the night in bed?
stop posting at PF and go get some food
what would you do if I killed franzbear?:uhh:
Hide the evidence!
What would you do if you saw a werewolf?
kick it's @$$
what would happen if I kicked your @$$
laminatedevildoll
Oct28-05, 09:43 PM
I'd be turned on.
What do you do if your brain hurts after triangle push-ups?
You realize that you're an unathletic nerd who hangs out at PF too much and needs some excersize..
what If I said that was me :redface:
Then you'd be right. :tongue2:
What if they all went crazy and had a party?
I'd ask who they were.
wat would you do if I had no question to ask?
i will eat tomatos .. red ones
what would you do if the sky started raining colored rain ?
TheStatutoryApe
Dec19-05, 04:55 PM
Call up Prince.
What would you do if you were chained to the theatre seat at a Rogers and Hammerstein show?
Jelfish
Dec19-05, 07:08 PM
Call up Prince.
What would you do if you were chained to the theatre seat at a Rogers and Hammerstein show?
I'd pray that it's not a stage adaptation of the film adaptation of the stage production of "Oklahoma!".
What would you do if you were skydiving and realized as you were falling that the parachute doesn't work?
I'd fix it!!!
What do you do if your panties are in a bunch?
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