Have you ever seen an attractive woman, walked up to her and started a conversation?

[wasteofo2]

Hey,

Looking through this forum, it seems that many guys here are asking questions from a relatively lost, helpless perspective. They seem afraid to talk to girls, unsure of how to meet them and without the confidence to think that these women might be attracted to them.

The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

Corollary: if you're having girl problems, what's stopping you? Is it anything more than nerves/low self-esteem?

[Astronuc]

Yes - quite often if I'm not in a hurry to get somewhere.

Actually, I talk to anyone if the opportunity arises. :biggrin: People are just interesting.

And I've had attractive women walk up to me and start a conversation. Once a really gorgeous young lady walked up to me while I was sitting with my father outside the main trainstation in Bruxelles. Unfortunately I didn't speak French well enough to help her. And I just could not abandon my dad.

Another time, a very attractive woman approached on a bridge near the Louvre in Paris. She was wondering which way to the ocean, i.e., which way the Seine was flowing. I was with a colleague, so I couldn't just take off.

[proof]

Hey,
The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?


I've done this and each time has been a catastrophic failure

[Topher925]

The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

Nope. Unless you're Brad Pitt, thats suicide. You have to make them come to you. Otherwise they will automatically default to the status-quo and think you're a creeper.

[bd7878]

that is absolutely not true - women expect men to talk to the first - not all times, but some of the time. It is all about how and when you do it. The best way to approach a women is when she is on her own - clearly not in a dark alley or the creeper vibe would ring true. Also just be normal, blunt and brief. "Hi I'm Brad, I just noticed you and wanted to come over and say hi." You can tell in about 5 seconds if she is keen or not. If she is not - what do you care it wasted 10 seconds of your life and you move on. She just doesn't dig you - doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or her. You, yourself passed over a dozen girls before you spotted one you wanted to talk to right? Same thing

[wasteofo2]

Nope. Unless you're Brad Pitt, thats suicide. You have to make them come to you. Otherwise they will automatically default to the status-quo and think you're a creeper.

Not true. Her impression of you as a creep is based on your behavior.

If you stare at her across a room for 25 minutes before you walk up to her, that's creepy.

If you simply walk up to her, you're just someone who has something to say.

If you walk up to her and tell her you're in love with her, that she is beautiful, that she has stolen your heart, that's creepy.

If you give her a small, casual compliment, like ''Hey, that a funky scarf, I like it,'' she'll smile and say thanks.

If you're stammering and sweating and averting eye-contact when you're talking to her, that's creepy.

If you're confident and relaxed, you're just a normal guy, talking to a normal girl.

[Pyrrhus]

Yes - quite often if I'm not in a hurry to get somewhere.

Actually, I talk to anyone if the opportunity arises. :biggrin: People are just interesting.

And I've had attractive women walk up to me and start a conversation. Once a really gorgeous young lady walked up to me while I was sitting with my father outside the main trainstation in Bruxelles. Unfortunately I didn't speak French well enough to help her. And I just could abandon my dad.

Another time, a very attractive woman approached on a bridge near the Louvre in Paris. She was wondering which way to the ocean, i.e., which way the Seine was flowing. I was with a colleague, so I couldn't just take off.

This is the right attitude. I start conversation with anyone, I don't care how they look. Astronuc, the same happened to me in Monaco. I was at a museum and a beautiful black hair, blue eyes girl comes to me and says something in french, unfortunately I had no idea what she said. Oh well, there are always more where she came from :wink:.


Nope. Unless you're Brad Pitt, thats suicide. You have to make them come to you. Otherwise they will automatically default to the status-quo and think you're a creeper.


This is the wrong attitude. IF you think you are a creeper, she'll think you are creeper. Of course, if you approach someone regardless if its an attractive female or not, and you are just stammering or don't have anything to contribute (no conversation topic) or are just complimenting her a tad too much, it definitely will make her feel uncomfortable.

Generally, conversations are context-specific. Sometimes, I talk about the place (its history, look, etc...), or talk about life or whatever, really. It depends on the "open window", you get, and just take that opportunity.

Sometimes, yes, the girl might just ignore you or just walk away, but that only shows her lack of manners.

In the end, BE CONFIDENT. Don't be afraid to be YOU, nobody else can be YOU except YOU.

[Astronuc]

I've seen Cyclovenom's friends. Que linda!!

I also met a couple of nice young ladies in Toledo, Spain. I would have liked to accept their invitation to join them, but I was with a colleague and working - as well as being married.

I loved Toledo and Salamanca and Avila, and there are many more places I'd like to visit.

[Galteeth]

Yes. Well, not from nothing, the whole universe existed up to that point, I think.

[physeven]

i've always wanted to talk to women but never feel like they want to talk to me because of what field i'm involved in (that is, physics). most women that i met think i'm a nerd (i'm 17 and i'm a sophmore in university) and i never seem to attract them. i've been going to the gym for 3 years now so its not like i'm a skinny bastard, and i've been living a healthy lifestyle, you could say balanced, between my studies and sports. but for some reason i have never had any good luck with any woman in my life.

[Galteeth]

.... but never feel like they want to talk to me ...



That's your problem right there.

[mathwonk]

you should realize that some women are just waiting for you to initiate a conversation. if you find they actually are not, move on. don't fear being shot down, it happens a lot. And some girls have said that it helps to invite them to dinner. If that is too one on one at first, an enjoyable group event that does not require clever repartee may be good, like a ball game. If you have fun together, it tends to warrant repetition.

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

life's too short to worry about what one girl... or 100 girls would possibly think of you, man up grow a pair and find out for yourself what they think of you
everything to gain, nothing to lose, since at the end of the day, your hand isnt going anywhere.....

its all about being relaxed and to strike up a conversation like it was meant to happen one way or another

[wasteofo2]

i've always wanted to talk to women but never feel like they want to talk to me because of what field i'm involved in (that is, physics). most women that i met think i'm a nerd (i'm 17 and i'm a sophmore in university) and i never seem to attract them. i've been going to the gym for 3 years now so its not like i'm a skinny bastard, and i've been living a healthy lifestyle, you could say balanced, between my studies and sports. but for some reason i have never had any good luck with any woman in my life.

Well if all you talk about is physics, it makes sense people would view you as a nerd.

But you're very intelligent and accomplished, especially for your age, and accomplishments are a great characteristic in a man. The thing is, you have to know how to talk about things that engage people who aren't in your field.

Let me ask you a question: Do you feel at ease having a normal conversation - that doesn't focus on physics - with a guy your own age?

Because your situation is VERY interesting and unique, and could be a great asset to you, but only if you learn to engage people in conversations that they'll enjoy, even if they don't know about physics. That's not to say you can't talk about physics, but simply have to talk about it in a way that non-experts can understand and find enjoyable. Plenty of lamen watch the discovery channel, even though they don't study science, because the way it's presented is interesting.

[tracydimarco]

Coming from a girl - confidence is an asset!! It depends on where you are, though. If I'm in a hurry, I get annoyed. If I'm at the gym... I'm there to work out, don't hit on me. Back when I was in college, a lot of guys would sit next to me in class & start talking to me. It was a good way to start conversation and also gave us a common ground we shared already. I've been come up to in bars - don't do that, it makes you look sleazy, most guys in bars are there to meet a girl for the night. On the street? It can be incredibly flattering or incredibly creepy depending on what you say or factors that may have nothing to do with you!

[wasteofo2]

On the street? It can be incredibly flattering or incredibly creepy depending on what you say or factors that may have nothing to do with you!

I think it's VERY important for guys to understand how to not seem creepy. Honestly, many good-natured men come off as ''creepy'' because they simply don't know how to talk to women.

Can you give us a girl's perspective on what is creepy and what isn't when a man approaches you on the street?

For instance, do you consider this creepy?

''Hey, I just noticed that your style is really unique, so I wanted to come up and say hi, my name is X"

[Dembadon]

...
Let me ask you a question: Do you feel at ease having a normal conversation - that doesn't focus on physics - with a guy your own age?

Because your situation is VERY interesting and unique, and could be a great asset to you, but only if you learn to engage people in conversations that they'll enjoy, even if they don't know about physics. That's not to say you can't talk about physics, but simply have to talk about it in a way that non-experts can understand and find enjoyable. Plenty of lamen watch the discovery channel, even though they don't study science, because the way it's presented is interesting.

Good point. Some of my friends/family have little interest in science, but they're good people. Being able to participate in conversations about areas other than science is extremely valuable.

[FlexGunship]

''Hey, I just noticed that your style is really unique, so I wanted to come up and say hi, my name is X"

I find it's way better to use a "disarming" line. I used to be really good at this until I realized I don't even like most women I meet at bars (good to keep the sheets warm, that's about it) and loathe most women I meet at clubs (try dating sites... seriously... you're more likely to find a sweet girl that's too shy to meet lunkheads at bars).

In stead of "Hey, I just noticed something about you..." try something more like "Wow, did you see that fight outside?" or "Do you ever wonder why they would paint a nice place like this such a dark color?"

Granted it's hit-or-miss, it usually works. They will be taken aback by your confidence and spend time figuring out why on earth you would start a conversation like that. Furthermore, she will be concerned that her answer sounds stupid or that you think she's stupid for not having an answer ready. You are very unlikely to be "rejected" in the same way that you might if you said something like "You look nice."

If you try: "You look nice." You'll get: "I'm here with my friends, sorry."
If you try: "Do you think really tall people are weird?" You'll get: "Uh, what? Yeah, I guess. I don't really think about that stuff."

Does it fail sometimes? Definitely. Does it work sometimes? Absolutely. Will women tell you that this is the dumbest idea they've ever heard? Without a doubt.

Just follow up by giving her a back-handed compliment: "You have gorgeous hair, you should think about growing it out." If she says or does anything that you consider "bad behavior" don't react. Simply show disinterest; let your eyes wander away. What you'll find is that most gorgeous women are insecure. By grabbing the upper hand in the conversation you ensure you're in the driver's seat. When you show disinterest it means that they will try to get it back (even if they don't care about you, they will want to feel desirable... women want to reject you, not be rejected).

When all is said and done... you could never use this method to meet a nice girl. But you could definitely use it to find a sheet-warmer.

[tracydimarco]

''Hey, I just noticed that your style is really unique, so I wanted to come up and say hi, my name is X"

That's ok, although it sounds a bit weird if the girl is dressed "normally." I mean, us girls are WELL aware you can't notice personality across the room, so it is flattering that you find a girl attractive. Sometimes that already makes me feel a little bit more open - obviously we have the upper hand & aren't fearing rejection (maybe we wanted to say hi to you but were afraid too!). To be honest, start a conversation - ask a question. People (men and women) love talking about themselves. Ask her where she got her scarf - you'd love to get a similar one for your sister for Christmas - ask her what she's reading - and her if you can buy her coffee.
Actually, my current boyfriend did just that. I was just waiting in line at Starbucks, & he asked if he could buy my coffee - no strings attached, I didn't have to sit with him, he just felt like I looked like I was having a crappy morning (I was) & deserved some niceness. Obviously, I wanted to sit & chat with him after that. Thoughtfulness is always a good thing :)

[wasteofo2]

"Wow, did you see that fight outside?"


I don't dig lots of mystery method stuff, it's so fake.

You don't need a made up fight to approach a girl, in the day or at a bar.

Though what I'd written was for daytime, not bars. God I don't even know what I say at bars, it's so much more about body language, eye contact and physicality. You can easily make out with a girl without knowing her name when you're dancing and alcohol is involved, I think all those lines and stuff just complicate things.

[wasteofo2]

That's ok, although it sounds a bit weird if the girl is dressed "normally."
Yeah, of course you'd have to come up with something else if a girl is dressed normally. Honestly I start conversations about whatever, I don't usually use ''lines''. But for someone who doesn't know what to say, it can be useful.


Actually, my current boyfriend did just that. I was just waiting in line at Starbucks, & he asked if he could buy my coffee - no strings attached, I didn't have to sit with him, he just felt like I looked like I was having a crappy morning (I was) & deserved some niceness. Obviously, I wanted to sit & chat with him after that. Thoughtfulness is always a good thing :)

That's interesting, though I have an aversion to offering girls free stuff to gain their attention/affection.

[Galteeth]

I don't dig lots of mystery method stuff, it's so fake.

You don't need a made up fight to approach a girl, in the day or at a bar.

Though what I'd written was for daytime, not bars. God I don't even know what I say at bars, it's so much more about body language, eye contact and physicality. You can easily make out with a girl without knowing her name when you're dancing and alcohol is involved, I think all those lines and stuff just complicate things.

Girls know that one by now. I know a girl who had a guy come up to her at a bar and try that line. She just laughed at him.

[wasteofo2]

Girls know that one by now. I know a girl who had a guy come up to her at a bar and try that line. She just laughed at him.

Ha. I've seen guys use it and not get laughed at, but usually it doesn't work as a jumpoff for building attraction. The whole problem with ''lines'' is that they're used by guys who don't know what to say. So they memorize a few lines, go out there, and after a couple of sentences they're lost.

That's why getting good at conversation is way more useful than any routine or BS like that.

[brainstorm]

Is it possible the "creepiness factor" of the come-on mostly depends on how attractive the woman finds the man? I think a hot guy can act any way he wants and the girl will use her social graces to save him from his own foot being in his mouth. On the other hand, if she's not attracted to you and you can make the best conversation, she'll talk with you and even like you but it will never materialize into attraction. Of course this gets more complicated when there's some attraction but the scale can tip one way or the other. Maybe this is too superficial (or cynical?) a perspective.

[stonecoldgen]

i always try to talk to new people, and yeah, mostly to hot chicks

not that i can make it always

and i thought it had some kind of science (that's oour problem we think EVERYTHING has a science) but ive come to the conclusion that is just as simple as saying hi and then something random

[brainstorm]

Have any of the guys following this thread thought about how they feel when a relatively unattractive, semi-attractive, or very attractive woman approaches them with the obvious primary reason that she finds you attractive? It might be flattering the first few times, but after that I would think it just gets annoying.

[wasteofo2]

Have any of the guys following this thread thought about how they feel when a relatively unattractive, semi-attractive, or very attractive woman approaches them with the obvious primary reason that she finds you attractive? It might be flattering the first few times, but after that I would think it just gets annoying.

For men, attraction is very much about looks. For women, alot more factors come into play, and personality and confidence can go a long way making up for bad looks in a guy.

So if a series of unattractive girls approaches a man, yes he would easily get annoyed, cause he isn't attracted to them based purely on their looks.

But if an unattractive guy is confident, and a good conversationalist, a woman will give him much more attention than a man would give an equivalent woman. Unfair, but that's life.

In fact, I read a study saying that overweight women had less sex than the average woman, wheras overweight men had just as much sex as the average man.

[FlexGunship]

I don't dig lots of mystery method stuff, it's so fake.

Yeah, I was pretty clear in my post that it wasn't something you could use normally, and that wasn't a particularly good example. The core of my point was this:

Say something that will cause her to think about your statement as opposed to how to reject you.

Bring value to the conversation. If you start off with "what's up?" you're putting the onus of conversation on her and implying that she's the one with something to share; no a good start.

If you're in public, just go for it. I am not kidding when I say just a couple of days ago I talked to a girl about her shows (which were Pumas, like mine) and then her argyle purse which matched my socks. The first thing I said was: "Hey, you have good taste in shoes." We talked for a bit. I gave her my number written on a piece of paper and told her to text me if she was interested. All it said was:

"I'm Shawn, and you're cute. XXX-XXX-XXXX"

She made the decision not to call or text me. That's fine. Normally I would've asked her for her number, but it was a short conversation.

[wasteofo2]

Unless you are some incredibly high-value guy, giving a girl your number almost never results in anything.

Why?

Girls often want to deny culpability for their actions.

Often you can lead a girl to do something she would never do on her own. One of those things is having a conversation with you on the street.

But imagine that girl's mindframe after that convo. Why would she call some guy just because of a conversation they had on the street? It seems ridiculous, obviously the guy is just trying to get into her pants.

But, if the guy calls her, well she's just picking up the phone. And if he invites her out for drinks, well she's not going to DO anything with him, just get a drink. And if he gets her feeling good and goes in to kiss her, well, SHE didn't do it, he kissed her. And so on.

[FlexGunship]

Unless you are some incredibly high-value guy

What do you mean by: "unless."

Girls often want to deny culpability ... SHE didn't do it, he kissed her. And so on.

Again, I didn't mean to imply it was something ideal. But the topic of this thread is literally "have you seen an attractive woman, walked to her, and started a conversation?" I believe my post was both pertinent and informational.

I also find that instead of asking for a number, handing a girl your phone and saying: "Here, put your number in there so I have it for later" actually works better. Also, if you get a number, I usually send a stupid text really quickly, like: "Who's that cute guy you're talking to?" It guarantees that your number is in her phone and it opens the route to casual texting.

Like it or not, people over 30, texting is a significant form of communication now.

[wasteofo2]

What do you mean by: "unless."

Good attitude, but did she call you back?




I also find that instead of asking for a number, handing a girl your phone and saying: "Here, put your number in there so I have it for later" actually works better. Also, if you get a number, I usually send a stupid text really quickly, like: "Who's that cute guy you're talking to?" It guarantees that your number is in her phone and it opens the route to casual texting.

Like it or not, people over 30, texting is a significant form of communication now.

Not bad, though I would suggest going one step further and getting the girl's facebook instead of phone. Assuming she's young, that is. I dunno about how to deal with 35 year old women, but 20 year olds are definitely good to go for facebook flirting.

[DanP]

Not bad, though I would suggest going one step further and getting the girl's facebook instead of phone. Assuming she's young, that is. I dunno about how to deal with 35 year old women, but 20 year olds are definitely good to go for facebook flirting.

Thats bull.

[wasteofo2]

Thats bull.

Have you ever tried it?

If you meet a girl and talk to her for 5-30 minutes, it can often be hard to get her to meet up with you in the future. You simply haven't developed enough of a connection and/or attraction for her to care very much about the random dude she chatted with the other day.

So if you just chat to a girl, get her number and call/text her, you will often get flaked on/get ignored.

With facebook chat, you can further talk with the girl and get to know her, building more connection/attraction. Further, her simply seeing pictures of you keeps you in her consciousness more than just seeing ''Ted - 917-245-6683''.

Also, sometimes girls are hesitant to give out their numbers. That's fine, they don't know you so why should they? Facebook is less of a big deal to give out, and from there you can surprise her with how awesome you are, making her want to see you again.

Try it out once.

[DanP]

Have you ever tried it?

If you meet a girl and talk to her for 5-30 minutes, it can often be hard to get her to meet up with you in the future. You simply haven't developed enough of a connection and/or attraction for her to care very much about the random dude she chatted with the other day.


It's not hard. You dont need a "connection". She gave you her phone number after all :P Just call.


So if you just chat to a girl, get her number and call/text her, you will often get flaked on/get ignored.


Call. Only kids and cheap men text for a first date. Besides, it;s all about communication, and verbal on phone does it much better than texts. I like them to hear my voice. About getting ignored, it didn't happened to me yet in this life to call a woman who gave me her phone number and not get an answer or my call returned.


With facebook chat, you can further talk with the girl and get to know her, building more connection/attraction. Further, her simply seeing pictures of you keeps you in her consciousness more than just seeing ''Ted - 917-245-6683''.


Yeah, you build that on internet , Ill just ask them out and have a good time.


Also, sometimes girls are hesitant to give out their numbers. That's fine, they don't know you so why should they? Facebook is less of a big deal to give out, and from there you can surprise her with how awesome you are, making her want to see you again.
Try it out once.

So you realize now that getting her facebook is not the "next level" as you claim, but a setback. Fine, you couldn't get her number, some other means of communication might be in order.

But whatever, nothing beats the phone.

[wasteofo2]

Dan, I don't know what age-group you're going for, but it doesn't sound like the early 20's girls I know in the USA.

You may have found the group of girls that don't flake on phone numbers, or the group of girls that likes to talk on the phone, but they are not the majority.

Obviously the goal isn't to talk to her on facebook, but talking to someone on facebook can make them more likely to not flake on you in real life when you actually wanna see them.

When you get lots of girls numbers, you get lots of flakes, that's just part of life. I dunno where you're coming at this from, but meeting random people means some won't keep contact with you.

[DanP]

When you get lots of girls numbers, you get lots of flakes, that's just part of life. I dunno where you're coming at this from, but meeting random people means some won't keep contact with you.

Perhaps, I don't walk your shoes. For me fake numbers are pretty much an unknown. It never happened to me. Besides, if you really got a fake number, you should move on, she aint too much into you anyway. Move fast.

[Lancelot59]

I'd have to say no to this, for three reasons:

1. Women in this city are horribly unapproachable.
2. Not a whole lot of them are on my campus
3. They all annoy me to no end.

[DanP]

I'd have to say no to this, for three reasons:

1. Women in this city are horribly unapproachable.
2. Not a whole lot of them are on my campus
3. They all annoy me to no end.


The girl who can't dance says the band can't play ?

[Lancelot59]

The girl who can't dance says the band can't play ?
No...

It's just that they don't seem very attractive personality wise. They're a bit too girly if that makes sense.

[wasteofo2]

Perhaps, I don't walk your shoes. For me fake numbers are pretty much an unknown. It never happened to me. Besides, if you really got a fake number, you should move on, she aint too much into you anyway. Move fast.

Flakes not fakes.

I understand the traditional attitude of ''**** it'' if a girl flakes on you.

But if a girl isn't into you after 1 short conversation, that doesn't mean you can never **** her, just that it'll take more time to get her into you.

It just depends how bad you actually want said girl.

[QuantumJG]

Have I ever seen an attractive woman, walked up to her and started a conversation?

No way! I suffer from anxiety so doing this without feeling anxious would be IMPOSSIBLE.

Also I feel it would be stupid to come out with something pointless to talk about "those are nice shoes". WTF? I'm a physics student with no fashion sense who plays video games.

[Lancelot59]

Have I ever seen an attractive woman, walked up to her and started a conversation?

No way! I suffer from anxiety so doing this without feeling anxious would be IMPOSSIBLE.

Also I feel it would be stupid to come out with something pointless to talk about "those are nice shoes". WTF? I'm a physics student with no fashion sense who plays video games.
There never does seem to be anything good to talk about.

[Mentallic]

There never does seem to be anything good to talk about.

Confidence goes a long way fellas. If there's something to talk about with your friends - besides talking about that thing you guys did last week that was so awesome, and other people you both know - then there is something to talk about with random girls.

[Topher925]

Someone told me Scarlett Johansson is no single. How much confidence do I need to woo her?

[Lancelot59]

Someone told me Scarlett Johansson is no single. How much confidence do I need to woo her?

How much confidence does it take to overcome a stun gun and a restraining order? Unless you come up with a clever scheme to get alone with her...

How about we abduct both of you, under the premise that you owe us money. We mistook her for your friend who was also in on the deal!

It's brilliant! :approve:

[Mentallic]

Someone told me Scarlett Johansson is no single. How much confidence do I need to woo her?

Confidence doesn't get the girl, it initiates conversation.

[DBTS]

Nervous guys tend to flop. Confidence is a good key but a person who can keep a conversation, create laughter, and is playful tends to get a date or second date for that matter.

How much confidence does it take to overcome a stun gun and a restraining order?

Lol

[Mentallic]

Nervous guys tend to flop. Confidence is a good key but a person who can keep a conversation, create laughter, and is playful tends to get a date or second date for that matter.

You need confidence to approach them and break the ice, but after that first acquaintance you shouldn't be as nervous if you were at first. From then on it depends on your personality.

[Galteeth]

Dan, I don't know what age-group you're going for, but it doesn't sound like the early 20's girls I know in the USA.

You may have found the group of girls that don't flake on phone numbers, or the group of girls that likes to talk on the phone, but they are not the majority.

Obviously the goal isn't to talk to her on facebook, but talking to someone on facebook can make them more likely to not flake on you in real life when you actually wanna see them.

When you get lots of girls numbers, you get lots of flakes, that's just part of life. I dunno where you're coming at this from, but meeting random people means some won't keep contact with you.

A note on this: While i personally have gotten "flakes" (girls who i called who didn't pick up, or weren't available etc.) I have never failed to get a number from asking and i have never gotten a fake number. Some of those "flakes" might not have been genuine flakes if i had been more persistent (I don't leave messages, and if a girl doesn't pick up the first day i call her, i might try once more, but not again).

I don't use facebook. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I'm just not into the internet as a social medium (not counting forums like this). I don't care for the idea of all my social interactions to be publicly available, and I HATE internet drama.

[Pyrrhus]

Too much overthinking in this thread. It's plain and simple, GO FOR IT. GO WITH THE FLOW. SEE WHAT HAPPENS. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES, and etc.. That's it.

The more you fail, the better you get at it. I've failed countless time, and I've been successful countless times. I only tend to remember the funny stories

[DBTS]

The more you fail, the better you get at it. I've failed countless time, and I've been successful countless times.

So... 0 times.

I am quite good at reading body language so if I walk up to a girl or woman and say something casual and she is receptive, I will engage in a more 5 minute prolonged conversation. I tend to only keep conversations for 5 minutes just to feel her out, and if I like her, I will schedule a date, if not, then I will just walk away.

[turbo]

When I got to college from a small town, I admired a young lady in my dining hall from afar. After a week or so, I got the nerve to ask her if I could sit with her at lunch. She pulled out the chair next to her and said "I've been saving this seat for you", and we became inseparable friends within days. She was about 5-10" or so with impressive wavy blonde hair and legs "up to there". I was about 5-2" or so and later in the year added at least 5" after I stopped beating myself to death with Xcountry and Xcountry skiing. (Ballerina syndrome) We were inseparable all through college and were "an item". Our college did not allow parietal visits except under strict supervision, so we had to resort to subterfuge and cheating to spend time together every day and night. Luckily my floor resident and my roommate both loved my friend.

If you don't have the guts to approach someone that you are attracted to, you might miss out on something really wonderful.

[DanP]

If you don't have the guts to approach someone that you are attracted to, you might miss out on something really wonderful.



Yeah, when a man wants a woman, he goes after her. He doesn't sit pondering at "what ifs" or whatever else.

And I think we can safely generalize this one. If you see something that you want, if you lust to do something (get into a certain school, climb a mountain, ride a bike, fight in the ring ..), you owe to yourself to actually act. And again, Ill let the immortal Mark Twain speak:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off your bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover”

[chaoseverlasting]

I've made a fool out of myself a lot of times. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. At the very least, the situation almost always turns into something pretty interesting and I do have a bunch of stories to tell .

[lisab]

...Ill let the immortal Mark Twain speak:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off your bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover”



Excellent quote, Dan, one of my absolute favorites :approve:!

[Evo]

And again, Ill let the immortal Mark Twain speak:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. If he was alive, I'd sue him. Looking back on my life, I regret almost everything I chose to do, the risks I took, all huge mistakes. I wish I had learned to be happy with what I had and stayed where I was.

[DanP]

If he was alive, I'd sue him. Looking back on my life, I regret almost everything I chose to do, the risks I took, all huge mistakes. I wish I had learned to be happy with what I had and stayed where I was.

Please, Evo, dont be sad. If there is any person on this board I wouldn't like to see sad, it's you.

Not being "happy" with what we have is in the human nature. And for what it's worth, you are not alone in doing huge mistakes. I did the same. And I'll probably do a lot more of them in the future. Hopefully not the same ones. But I refuse to stay where I am. I breath change, no matter what it brings.

[rootX]

Please, Evo, dont be sad. If there is any person on this board I wouldn't like to see sad, it's you.

Not being "happy" with what we have is in the human nature. And for what it's worth, you are not alone in doing huge mistakes. I did the same. And I'll probably do a lot more of them in the future. Hopefully not the same ones. But I refuse to stay where I am. I breath change, no matter what it brings.

You must be young :tongue2:

[rootX]

Girls come and go.. so far I have not found anything interesting that I consider worth more than what I am currently doing (my work).

Guys/girls sitting next to me who talk bit too much (with girls/guys) i.e. start long damn stupid conversations with every person sitting next to them are rather annoying.

[DanP]

You must be young :tongue2:


And you must be old with a sad life in the middle class ? Probably not. Those kind of "deductions" pretty much worth 0.

[DanP]

Girls come and go.. so far I have not found anything interesting that I consider worth more than what I am currently doing (my work).


Lack of sexual motivation ?

[Lancelot59]

Lack of sexual motivation ?
He seems to be in a similar position to me. None of the girls around seem worth the effort.

[Ivan Seeking]

The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

That's how I met my first fiancee. We were both getting gas.

[Galteeth]

If he was alive, I'd sue him. Looking back on my life, I regret almost everything I chose to do, the risks I took, all huge mistakes. I wish I had learned to be happy with what I had and stayed where I was.

yeah, I always found that quote a bit silly. It sounds nice but really? When you think about, it's an absurd statement. (Not applied to talking to girls, there's really not much danger in that.)

On the other hand, in terms of what you are saying, if you are happy with where you are now, then all those mistakes you made were part of what got you to where you are.

[Galteeth]

He seems to be in a similar position to me. None of the girls around seem worth the effort.

Maybe you should go for the ones that don't require as much effort.

[Lancelot59]

Maybe you should go for the ones that don't require as much effort.

Well there's no shortage of those around. I guess I really meant none of the girls around are worth putting any time into at all when put up against the work I'm doing (namely school).

[DanP]

He seems to be in a similar position to me. None of the girls around seem worth the effort.

There is Jewish saying (or maybe it was Yiddish?) "The whole world isn't crazy".

Maybe you should reconsider. Women do worth the effort.

[Galteeth]

There is Jewish saying (or maybe it was Yiddish?) "The whole world isn't crazy".

Maybe you should reconsider. Women do worth the effort.

And let's not forget what they say,

In Soviet Russia,
Women do worth the effort YOU

[tauon]

who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

is that even possible? like, does the universe allow such an event to exist?

[DanP]

is that even possible? like, does the universe allow such an event to exist?

Ain't that the bare minimum you can bring on the table ? You like her, at least hit on her. The least you can do. Can't you feel in in your blood when she walks near you ?:devil:

[mathwonk]

I tried this once, with something like; "pardon me but do you prefer presenting representable functors before tensor products in abstract algebra?" it seemed to get her attention, at least she responded right away, something like: "you're on my foot, doofus."

[Lancelot59]

I tried this once, with something like; "pardon me but do you prefer presenting representable functors before tensor products in abstract algebra?" it seemed to get her attention, at least she responded right away, something like: "you're on my foot, doofus."

Those silly women, getting their feet in the way all the time.

[Dougggggg]

True story, was at the airport the other day. Two things crossed my mind, the girl sitting over there is pretty cute, and I need to know what time it is so I don't miss my flight. Asked for time, then conversation struck up, I only refered to myself once in the third person (we never properly introduced ourselves) and my school. I get home and have a friend request on facebook. I all of a sudden realize it was the girl from the airport. Then we talked on facebook chat, she is a huge Foo Fighters fan, me too. She also happens to be slightly addicted to the Legend of Zelda video game series. I must confess as am I.

That is where the story is now. Perhaps I will continue it later?

[Lancelot59]

True story, was at the airport the other day. Two things crossed my mind, the girl sitting over there is pretty cute, and I need to know what time it is so I don't miss my flight. Asked for time, then conversation struck up, I only refered to myself once in the third person (we never properly introduced ourselves) and my school. I get home and have a friend request on facebook. I all of a sudden realize it was the girl from the airport. Then we talked on facebook chat, she is a huge Foo Fighters fan, me too. She also happens to be slightly addicted to the Legend of Zelda video game series. I must confess as am I.

That is where the story is now. Perhaps I will continue it later?

Sounds like a good idea. Although I guess you were going to separate locations?

[Dougggggg]

Sounds like a good idea. Although I guess you were going to separate locations?

Yes and no, we were both flying from Glasgow to Newark airport. Then we would both be transfering to flights to Nashville and Philly.

[Radrook]

The problem with many exceedingly attractive women is that they are in love with themselves and feel that the approach of a man they find non-attractive is an insult to their self importance. So they react with the "How-dare-you-even-imagine-yourself-worthy!" response! That's why I prefer approaching cute women or pleasantly-appearing women instead since it reduces the chances of that happening.

[CheshireKat]

Have I ever seen an attractive woman, walked up to her and started a conversation?

No way! I suffer from anxiety so doing this without feeling anxious would be IMPOSSIBLE.

Also I feel it would be stupid to come out with something pointless to talk about "those are nice shoes". WTF? I'm a physics student with no fashion sense who plays video games.

I just want to hug you for that... :approve:

[Mentallic]

I just want to hug you for that... :approve:

He is a charming fellow :smile:

Also I feel it would be stupid to come out with something pointless to talk about "those are nice shoes". WTF? I'm a physics student with no fashion sense who plays video games.
I'm the same, but I only don't have a fashion sense for myself. I know what I like on women when I see them - not that I could choose out their clothes for them.
And my god, please don't talk about her shoes! They're only conversation starters.

[Dougggggg]

My need to know the time was satisfied while also starting a conversation. 2 birds with 1 stone.

[Jack21222]

The only women I've talked to, I've had a reason to do so. I'm not one to make small talk.

[CheshireKat]

well.

news from "the other side".

was at a party yesterday, with some daning and music. suddenly the DJ - a tall, nice looking, blonde young man - announces: "I want you guys to hug a little" and puts on a really slow dance... pretty much everybody left the dancefloor except for one couple.

so I mastered all my female flirtability, walked up to him and told him it was his freakin' fault that nobody is there, but I still wanna dance... so he has to jump in.

conclusion:
I got one nice dance with a pretty hot guy.
For the rest of the night, I got some more smiles.
But this tactic totally sucked as a conversation starter...

Do you think this is the same phenomenon as a men approaching an attractive woman and jumpstarting a conversation???

[Lancelot59]

well.

news from "the other side".

was at a party yesterday, with some daning and music. suddenly the DJ - a tall, nice looking, blonde young man - announces: "I want you guys to hug a little" and puts on a really slow dance... pretty much everybody left the dancefloor except for one couple.

so I mastered all my female flirtability, walked up to him and told him it was his freakin' fault that nobody is there, but I still wanna dance... so he has to jump in.

conclusion:
I got one nice dance with a pretty hot guy.
For the rest of the night, I got some more smiles.
But this tactic totally sucked as a conversation starter...

Do you think this is the same phenomenon as a men approaching an attractive woman and jumpstarting a conversation???

It would make sense. It's not that men are exclusively afraid of women. People are afraid of people.

[CheshireKat]

It would make sense. It's not that men are exclusively afraid of women. People are afraid of people.

as an anthropolgist to be, that scares me.

[Lancelot59]

as an anthropolgist to be, that scares me.

It's my experience that people are silly. BE AFRAID!

[Astronuc]

I'll talk to anyone who wants to talk - especially over a beer or caffè.

[mathwonk]

I will talk to almost anyone, but it has to be about math.

[rootX]

I will talk to almost anyone, but it has to help me with my current work.

[EinsteinsDog]

I will talk to almost anyone, but it has to be about math.

Same here.

[Lancelot59]

I can talk about things other than science and engineering, it just usually doesn't go well. Apparently I'm too blunt. So I avoid talking about those things for that reason, also because I don't find them that interesting.

[Dougggggg]

Is it just me or have you guys noticed that when you meet someone new on campus and they ask what you are majoring and you respond with Math and Physics (well for me at least), their faces turn into the most confused or horrified look. Typical verbal response is "wow you must be a genius," "I couldn't ever imagine doing that," or "why?"

[lisab]

Is it just me or have you guys noticed that when you meet someone new on campus and they ask what you are majoring and you respond with Math and Physics (well for me at least), their faces turn into the most confused or horrified look. Typical verbal response is "wow you must be a genius," "I couldn't ever imagine doing that," or "why?"

Try having that experience and being female :tongue2:! I know exactly what you mean.

[Astronuc]

Is it just me or have you guys noticed that when you meet someone new on campus and they ask what you are majoring and you respond with Math and Physics (well for me at least), their faces turn into the most confused or horrified look. Typical verbal response is "wow you must be a genius," "I couldn't ever imagine doing that," or "why?" I got that. Now when I mention nuclear engineering, I get asked about nuclear weapons, severe accidents, and host of other topics which seem to represent the anxieties of an uninformed and severely undereducated public.

[Lancelot59]

Is it just me or have you guys noticed that when you meet someone new on campus and they ask what you are majoring and you respond with Math and Physics (well for me at least), their faces turn into the most confused or horrified look. Typical verbal response is "wow you must be a genius," "I couldn't ever imagine doing that," or "why?"

I get that all the time when I say engineering. More so when I mention how many courses I take.

[rootX]

I will talk to almost anyone, but it has to be about math.

Here's the girl for you!

yzLi_y4Vv5s

[Dougggggg]

Something like that just happened about an hour or two ago. We were playing poker and this girl asked my major and then responded, "of course!" I was kinda cleaning up the table just playing odds.

[Lancelot59]

Here's the girl for you!

yzLi_y4Vv5s

Ehhhh, no. I wouldn't wanna...don't know where she's been. For that matter I don't know where those puppets have been.

[EinsteinsDog]

Is it just me or have you guys noticed that when you meet someone new on campus and they ask what you are majoring and you respond with Math and Physics (well for me at least), their faces turn into the most confused or horrified look. Typical verbal response is "wow you must be a genius," "I couldn't ever imagine doing that," or "why?"

its the look on their faces jajajaja priceless. A girl once told me I should go to a psychiatrist because my love for math was abnormal jajaja.

[Lichdar]

Yes.

Its not that complicated. They're attractive and yet, human in many ways that are entirely separate from their ability to ignite a physical reaction in you. So I just talk to them as human.

You tend to pick up cues pretty fast whether they're open to flirting, and I've always enjoyed that even if I never intended to pursue anything more. People like being reminded that they're attractive too.

I have, for the sake of experimentation, also tried blatantly hitting on girls and I think that if you do in the right place with enough of a sense of humor so that it does come off as silly rather than serious, it does work out well too.

The key is not coming off as a creep is not thinking /as/ a creep, and not acting as one. The pretty girl is just a pretty girl, not your only sole chance at love and adoration and acceptance; she's just someone who's probably nice and happens to be pleasant to look at too.

[Mentallic]

jajajaja

You need to move your finger one more spot over to the left.

[mathwonk]

the key is to lie. one of my old girl friends perfected this, she told strangers that i was a professional boxer and that she was a professional pool player. At least guys did not hit on her as much when I was around, but they did wonder why i was such a wimp.

[pergradus]

I don't, not so much that I'm afraid but just because it takes more than looks to get my attention.

If a girl is pretty and also has some quality that interests me, I have no problem approaching her. If she's just pretty, I'd probably not want to speak to her even if she approached me, and I have "rejected" good looking girls before because they are uninteresting to talk to.

I just think its sad for guys to have such low standards all the time.

[HeLiXe]

I don't, not so much that I'm afraid but just because it takes more than looks to get my attention.

If a girl is pretty and also has some quality that interests me, I have no problem approaching her. If she's just pretty, I'd probably not want to speak to her even if she approached me, and I have "rejected" good looking girls before because they are uninteresting to talk to.

I just think its sad for guys to have such low standards all the time.

This was great to read :) Thx for sharing your thoughts!

[Lichdar]

Yes, it is tragically sad for me to have such vastly low standards. I think I might have to make up for my plunging esteem with a threesome.

In all seriousness, though, I think there's value in all people and not talking to anyone because you feel like you have vastly inflated belief in how interesting or intelligent you are is robbing yourself of a lot of potential knowledge. And sexual partners, for that matter, but I'm a troglodyte after all.

[pergradus]

Yes, it is tragically sad for me to have such vastly low standards. I think I might have to make up for my plunging esteem with a threesome.

In all seriousness, though, I think there's value in all people and not talking to anyone because you feel like you have vastly inflated belief in how interesting or intelligent you are is robbing yourself of a lot of potential knowledge. And sexual partners, for that matter, but I'm a troglodyte after all.

Easy there skipper, don't get your towline in a tangle.

There's the key difference - I do not see value in all or most people. It doesn't have to do with my traits, but I do have taste and opinions and that extends to other people.

Generally most guys evaluate a girl on the sole factor of whether she's hot or not. I guess I just grew out of that highschool mentality and a persons character is of huge importance to me, although there also has to be physical attraction. I need someone who can challenge me, whether that's intellectually or physically or on any other number of levels. I don't see why you're offended by my comment - lots of empty headed girls out there who I'm not interested in - more for you!

[Lichdar]

I'm no offended, just sarcastic ;) And good for you!

[SamirS]

DanP got it right. Hot women get hit on all the time by creepy, or stupid, or insecure, or plain boring guys. You need to be different (hence, memory-worthy) without being creepy.

Also, never give your number - always take hers. It's in our culture that women seldom take the initiative, and it's also very different if she can call you whenever she wants - there is nothing unexpected for her and she knows for sure she got you in her hand and that you are not the guy who takes control. It doesn't matter the least if any of this is actually true. It only matters what people think and feel.

Most guys come up to hot girls and are like "woah I want you and you know it, pleeeeaaaaase take me", albeit not in those words. Don't be that guy. The "you got me slightly interested, now you need to show me that you warrant that"-attitude while showing humor, confidence and that you are interesting yourself works much better.

You know those great salespeople who somehow invoke the feeling in their customers that the potential buyer wants to please the salesguy, even though he is the one who, objectively, needs to convince you? That's not.. entirely unlike!

[KingNothing]

Yes. And I usually go into my Borat voice and say "how much?"

[mathwonk]

this reminds me of my freshman year in college. there was a "mixer", i.e. a dance you could bring anyone to. I found myself with this smoothly confident guy with oily hair on the sidewalk outside the campus gates and neither of us had a date. He said, we need some girls, no problem there's lots out here. He immediately chatted up two cute if shallow young girls who looked magnetized by him. He handed them off to me, said I should entertain them while he got some more and strolled off. The girls looked disappointedly at me, asked me something like what do you do? and got a smooth answer like: Im a math geek from tennessee, what about you? They said something polite like well we have to go, and instantly disappeared. A few minutes later my new friend came back with about three more sharply dressed girls and asked where the other girls were. I said they had to go, and he said that's ok we have enough, and he went off to the mixer with one or two on each arm. I don't remember whether I actually had the nerve to go to the dance with them, but I probably did and gave up after a short time striking out. Until you get some practice chatting up the other sex, this is what its like for many of us. But everyone can learn. I am actually a married man, and my wife is both brilliant and gorgeous.

[turbo]

The key is to be non-threatening and a comfort to be around, even in relatively mild situations. When I managed my high-school's basketball team and kept the stats (I had far too many competing sports to train and compete in BB), I got to ride up front in the bus with the coach and the cheerleaders. A musician friend's younger sister (who was still 2 years older than me) used to glom onto me, take the window seat and lean on me and doze (sometimes drool) all the way home on the long bus trips. When she graduated, her younger sister (1 year older) claimed me for a seat-mate on bus-trips. None of this endeared me to the basketball team ensconced in the back of the bus behind the barrier of duffel-bags and ball-bags.

[Tregg Smith]

Hey,

Looking through this forum, it seems that many guys here are asking questions from a relatively lost, helpless perspective. They seem afraid to talk to girls, unsure of how to meet them and without the confidence to think that these women might be attracted to them.

The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

Corollary: if you're having girl problems, what's stopping you? Is it anything more than nerves/low self-esteem?
I agree with all that. Believe it or not most women actually want to meet someone but not someone with bad breath, green teeth, fingernails like broken claws and who smells like cigarettes and dirty laundry. Many times the woman who seems cold is just afraid and putting on a front and if you just say hello in a non threatening way she will come around. But don't be too foward. Say a little on one occasion then a little more until she feels confident you are not a perv. Try to appear as a gentleman. See Matt Damon in Hearafter. It is a compliment and assurance that she is desirable for a man to just walk up and start small talk-or even to give her a look. Wouldn't you feel the same? But you have to look decent unless of course she also is a slum dog. I kind of like slum dog bitches. And BTW be tactful in how you talk. If you only work off a beet wagon say you're in agriculture. Don't lie but be a salesman.

[wisvuze]

hell no :P I don't have the guts to talk to anybody; I rarely have the courage to open my mouth in ANY context ( I might say something that isn't quite what I wanted to say, or something ). Throwing a pretty girl in the mix just destroys any possibility at all aha

[wisvuze]

this reminds me of my freshman year in college. there was a "mixer", i.e. a dance you could bring anyone to. I found myself with this smoothly confident guy with oily hair on the sidewalk outside the campus gates and neither of us had a date. He said, we need some girls, no problem there's lots out here. He immediately chatted up two cute if shallow young girls who looked magnetized by him. He handed them off to me, said I should entertain them while he got some more and strolled off. The girls looked disappointedly at me, asked me something like what do you do? and got a smooth answer like: Im a math geek from tennessee, what about you? They said something polite like well we have to go, and instantly disappeared..

if that were a bit worse, i'd probably refrain from trying anything ever again aha; one of the reasons why I'm really recluse is to avoid situations like that

[mathwonk]

well i claim thats how you learn. next time you say something like: " im a math geek from tennessee, ...but my cousin is django reinhardt!" or bill monroe, or mohammed ali, or richard feynman, ......of course it still doesn't work, but eventually one makes progress.

i.e. he who can sustain a sequence of such failures and not lose heart, and continue to evolve from them, eventually winds up with beautiful intelligent girls on every hand. really, trust me.

[mathwonk]

the comments above about who people find it interesting to talk to reminds me of a plane trip i once took, forced to sit near a boring woman and an interesting man. Turns out i found the man interesting because he seemed interested in me and asked me questions to draw me out. When he turned to the woman and began to engage her in conversation, suddenly she also became fascinating, and was not the boring person i had judged her as at all. In fact I was the boring (and judgmental) one, as the woman's story was much more interesting than mine. This man's questions revealed that everyone has an interesting side. The key was just taking an interest and being a good listener.

[Dude.]

This man's questions revealed that everyone has an interesting side. The key was just taking an interest and being a good listener.

Yesss! I think this is key to every conversation (regardless of the person's aesthetics, beliefs, faults, or knowledge). You've got to understand that every one of us has had extremely different lives and experiences leading up to this conversation. No 2 paths are the same. It's impossible for 2 brains in this universe to have the same life story (what with the arrow of time and cause and effect and whatnot).

So keep this concept in mind every time you meet somebody new. Find something they can teach you about the world, teach them something they don't know yet, ponder abstract questions together, question human nature, ask them what they do for fun, and definitely only ask about stuff you truly care about (because insincerity is very obvious and disheartening to anybody worth your time). But most importantly, be freakin' excited that you're about to learn something new that only this sack of cells in front of you can teach! That's awesome! =D


A good mentality I've found to go into conversations with is: a child's. Think about it, little kids have nooo inhibition or filters when asking the most interesting and personal questions. We seem to lose this art as we get older. Just don't go toooo personal too quick, because we don't all have the charm of a child's smile. You have to feel out where their emotional boundaries are, based on the depth of their answers and body language. Stay away from too deep of questions unless you have the time to fully comprehend their thoughts or if you can help them with a problem.

"Moderately intimate" at a slow incline of deepness is what psychologists say is "socially acceptable". Don't start out with "what position do you best achieve orgasm in?", start out with like, "what's your name?" and see where it goes from there, based on what peaks interest in you.



Also understand that they might not ask a single thing about you in the whole conversation. That's ok. You've gotta realize that all people love talking about themselves, but not all of 'em want to listen (mainly because it takes wayyy more effort). If you're out of questions and they aren't helping you out, the conversation is done. Pick an exit line and move along about your life. They either aren't interested in you, aren't prepared for a new relationship (in the broad sense of the term), or they're satisfied with a shallow understanding of the world, meaning you really don't want to waste time with that simpleton anyways. There are sooo many deeply interesting people out there!

Related Quote:
"The one asking the questions holds reigns of the conversation" - Some guy from the past



A good question I've found for random people:
"What're good questions to ask random people?"

- key thought: ask yourself this! What would you love to be asked by a random person? And what makes you think that another brain out there wouldn't love to be asked this same question? Or hell man, one of those wrinkle blobs might know the answer!! =O



ps - Beauty is subjective and relative. Treat everyone like an interesting mother f**ker (because they are), so that when you get to a cute chick, it really doesn't matter at all. They're just another interesting mother f**ker, only now they're pleasant to look at too! =D

[Winzer]

To answer the OP's question: not sober.

[zoobyshoe]

To answer the OP's question: not sober.

Which question?

[Lancelot59]

This is the original post.
Hey,

Looking through this forum, it seems that many guys here are asking questions from a relatively lost, helpless perspective. They seem afraid to talk to girls, unsure of how to meet them and without the confidence to think that these women might be attracted to them.

The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

Corollary: if you're having girl problems, what's stopping you? Is it anything more than nerves/low self-esteem?

[zoobyshoe]

This is the original post.
I know. But there are two questions. Is he saying he approached a woman when not sober, or that an alcohol problem is what's holding him back?

[Lancelot59]

I would assume it would be a sober affair.

[bugatti79]

I think its sad that women reject men who approach them because they 'didnt get it right first time regardless of what tactic he uses'...that guy could have been incredible for her but she will never know

[zoobyshoe]

I think its sad that women reject men who approach them because they 'didnt get it right first time regardless of what tactic he uses'...that guy could have been incredible for her but she will never know
This is kinda like a comedian saying "Sheez, if you only laughed at my jokes you'd see how incredibly funny they were."

[Ivan Seeking]

This is kinda like a comedian saying "Sheez, if you only laughed at my jokes you'd see how incredibly funny they were."

So you are saying that an entire person is represented by a one-liner? First impressions are the entire story?

[rootX]

I don't like impressing people so my first impressions are never the best I can offer.

[zoobyshoe]

So you are saying that an entire person is represented by a one-liner? First impressions are the entire story?

Nope. Try again.

[khemist]

If you dont make a good first impression you have to work to get it there. Might as well start out on the right side...

[bugatti79]

If you dont make a good first impression you have to work to get it there. Might as well start out on the right side...

Thats my point...its all about first impressions for the girl...but its all superficial/false at the end of the day.

I guess the human mating game is exactly as that in the animal kingdom ie the male pheasant spreads its feathers to impress the female....


I thought we humans are more advanced than this given we are blessed with a conscience?

[zoobyshoe]

Thats my point...its all about first impressions for the girl...but its all superficial/false at the end of the day.

I guess the human mating game is exactly as that in the animal kingdom ie the male pheasant spreads its feathers to impress the female....


I thought we humans are more advanced than this given we are blessed with a conscience?
Here again, you're like a comedian blaming the audience for not laughing at your jokes. A successful comedian knows his audience. If he fails to make them laugh, he knows it's his own shortcoming, not theirs.

If you're going to approach a girl cold, you have to have sized her up first so you can throw something at her that will intrigue her, get her interest. The bald fact you are attracted to her means nothing: girls get that all the time from all quarters. A girl has no incentive to single you out for some kind of special attention from the 50 other guys who showed interest in her that day. A girls life is a non-stop parade of guys showing interest in her directly or indirectly. Along with the constant barrage of casual, opportunistic interest she gets, the average girl has several guys seriously interested in her at any given time, and also one or more insane stalkers.

Knowing how to approach a girl and pique her interest is a skill highly prized by girls, mainly, it seems, because the majority of guys are so bad at it. Having that skill tells them that you have put some effort into understanding girls. In other words, it tells them that you are not the average superficial guy. This is not about feathers in the conventional sense: the display you want to impress them with is a display of psychological/emotional resonance with them.

[bugatti79]

Here again, you're like a comedian blaming the audience for not laughing at your jokes. A successful comedian knows his audience. If he fails to make them laugh, he knows it's his own shortcoming, not theirs.

If you're going to approach a girl cold, you have to have sized her up first so you can throw something at her that will intrigue her, get her interest. The bald fact you are attracted to her means nothing: girls get that all the time from all quarters. A girl has no incentive to single you out for some kind of special attention from the 50 other guys who showed interest in her that day. A girls life is a non-stop parade of guys showing interest in her directly or indirectly. Along with the constant barrage of casual, opportunistic interest she gets, the average girl has several guys seriously interested in her at any given time, and also one or more insane stalkers.

Knowing how to approach a girl and pique her interest is a skill highly prized by girls, mainly, it seems, because the majority of guys are so bad at it. Having that skill tells them that you have put some effort into understanding girls. In other words, it tells them that you are not the average superficial guy. This is not about feathers in the conventional sense: the display you want to impress them with is a display of psychological/emotional resonance with them.

That’s an interesting perspective to look at it. However you seem to be implying that the guy who doesn’t have the ‘highly prized skill’ is not worth a second/further chance. How does she know that he doesn’t have other amazing skills that may be far more important/valuable to her life than some charming superficial comments that she will unlikely hear again once he wins her?

I just think women are too analytical in their response to men’s approaches rather than have a more 'positive relaxed give this guy a chance attitude'.

Just my 2 cents :biggrin:

[khemist]

That’s an interesting perspective to look at it. However you seem to be implying that the guy who doesn’t have the ‘highly prized skill’ is not worth a second/further chance. How does she know that he doesn’t have other amazing skills that may be far more important/valuable to her life than some charming superficial comments that she will unlikely hear again once he wins her?

I just think women are too analytical in their response to men’s approaches rather than have a more 'positive relaxed give this guy a chance attitude'.

Just my 2 cents :biggrin:

If you had 10 guys a day try to woo you, I would think you would be pretty picky about who you choose.

[bugatti79]

If you had 10 guys a day try to woo you, I would think you would be pretty picky about who you choose.

I doubt that is the case my good friend, at least not for every girl. In my country in Ireland, a good looking girl will probly jus go out once a week maybe twice. Highly unlikey she is approached during work week days! :-)

In fact I know girls that are pining for guys to chat them up, yet they will still default on 'youv only one chance mister' etc :-)

Anyhow, I guess its hard to generalise.

[zoobyshoe]

I doubt that is the case my good friend, at least not for every girl. In my country in Ireland, a good looking girl will probly jus go out once a week maybe twice. Highly unlikey she is approached during work week days! :-)

In fact I know girls that are pining for guys to chat them up, yet they will still default on 'youv only one chance mister' etc :-)

Anyhow, I guess its hard to generalise.

Ah, I didn't realize you were a foreigner and I have no idea what it's like in Ireland. Here in the US, girls are "chatted up" just about any time they hold still long enough for someone to approach them. Day of the week doesn't matter.

There's no girl in US mainstream culture who would say, or imply, 'you've only one chance mister'. Instead, if you failed to impress, any invitation you extended to meet them again would be declined in a very polite, nice way.

According to my informants the biggest mistake guys make is to outright say they think the girl is attractive and then ask for some kind of date. Girls aren't impressed in the least that a guy thinks they're attractive: they get that all the time. You lose points for making the subject of your attraction to them a topic of conversation. You lose yet more points for implying they should be grateful for the compliment. Push it a little further and you're on their "no more chances for you" list.

The guys they're looking for are the ones who behave such that they (the girls) attracted to them, not the ones who make an issue of how much they are attracted to the girls.

[bugatti79]

hmmmm...I see. Another interesting reply. May I ask who your informants are? :smile:

Ill keep this in mind. Any chance you being my tutor? eh? :biggrin:

[zoobyshoe]

hmmmm...I see. Another interesting reply. May I ask who your informants are? :smile:
For the past seven years or so I have had the good fortune of access to a huge number of young ladies in their teens and twenties. I have taken this opportunity to interview them on all matters, trying to figure out what makes girls tick. For some reason I'm not really sure of, I have the effect on them of making them want to spill their guts about anything and everything.

Ill keep this in mind. Any chance you being my tutor? eh? :biggrin:
I do not know anything about non-American girls. No telling what traditional and local things there are that might be going on to alter the picture.

[Mépris]

According to my informants the biggest mistake guys make is to outright say they think the girl is attractive and then ask for some kind of date. Girls aren't impressed in the least that a guy thinks they're attractive: they get that all the time. You lose points for making the subject of your attraction to them a topic of conversation. You lose yet more points for implying they should be grateful for the compliment. Push it a little further and you're on their "no more chances for you" list.

The guys they're looking for are the ones who behave such that they (the girls) attracted to them, not the ones who make an issue of how much they are attracted to the girls.

As a general "rule", that is good. Another rule of thumb is "being yourself". I don't think constructing another persona or multiple ones is worth the pain.

As Zoobyshoe has said a few times, girls do get chat up a lot. If they're what most would consider hot, then it is very likely that they know people think so of themselves and another likely outcome for these particular girls is that they can tell when people will say this or that thing to them. Every other Tom, Dick and Harry has, after mustering up his courage, walked up to that girl and told her she's pretty. Then what? Yes, you told her she was pretty, what next? Telling a girl that *you think* she is attractive is not a bad thing, the bad thing here is falling short of words after you say it. If she is what most would consider attractive, it's very likely that others have been there before you and done that. And one thing that most people don't particularly like is being bored. Girls are no different.


There really is no formula to getting somebody to like you. If you really want somebody to like you, you're going to have to figure out how they think and what they like and then change your behaviour accordingly and I wouldn't advise that. There are *LOTS* of women (and men) alive today and if a hundred of them dislike you, what does it matter? There's **** loads more of people and if you find at least one that likes you, every once in a while, I'd say you wouldn't be doing so bad. And people skills is something that comes with practice. One can read all the theory one can put their hands on but actually putting all of that into action is what matters.

One of the things that I really enjoy is having interesting conversations with people, especially with women. I'm not very good at this but I make a conscious effort to try. Maybe one should figure out what they really want from somebody before attempting to get it...
No, really! :rofl:

Also, girls while being a collective (lol), aren't a unit and they all have their little "quirks", if you will. What works with Natasha might not work very well with Natalia and so forth. One particular Thursday, I was on my way to class in the bus and I didn't have much to do. I had just finished reading through my notes quickly and wasn't in the mood to listen to Richard Ashcroft's voice through my headphones. Then I saw this chick come in. I didn't think she was very pretty but I thought I might talk to her and see what would come out of it. Worse case scenario is she won't say a word or will tell me to bugger off and I am absolutely fine with that.

So, I walked forward and took a seat next to her (had just been vacated) and I said: "Hi, I gotta get down in a minute or two and I happen to think you're attractive. Here's my phone, tap in your number. Maybe we'll hang out some time and maybe it'll be fun." She smiled and said that she had a boyfriend. I said: "Yeah...as far as I know, I'm not really into men and I don't see how that concerns me. Maybe we could go back to what I was talking about, yeah?" She repeated that she was with someone and bla bla bla. Boring stuff. I laughed (cause I just found the whole thing funny), said I understood (or something of the kind) and got down at the next stop.

I also saw her on my way back home that day. She smiled at me when she saw me, I did likewise and that was it. She didn't get a sledge hammer from out of her handbag and try to hit me with it. She just smiled. That's all. Maybe I was lucky...:rofl:

What is there to learn from this? There are women, lots of them. However, a lot of these women are a number of things but interested in you. Some of them are perfectly happy with who they are right now. Some of them are absolutely fine without any kind of boyfriend...hell, some of them are lesbians. Maybe another few are asexual and so on. So yes, the odds are quite high that any given woman won't be interested in you. So, if you get rejected, you don't have to take it personally...unless you're too much of a jerk, in which case, feel free to take it personally. :)

For the record, I said something similar to another girl. I had even less time to talk to her. She was much more attractive, in my opinion at least and she looked a bit more laid back. Then again, these are only assumptions based on her looks and mannerisms that I barely managed to glimpsed. So yeah, here's what happened..

Me: "I will be getting off of this bus in a minute or so. How much would you bet that I manage to get your number before then?"
I don't really remember what she said but I recall it being a fun minute and a half. No, I did not get her number but she asked me for my Facebook ID and that didn't really work out...because, well, I don't have Facebook. I could only muster a half-assed look and said, "Yeah...nah, I don't do Facebook - bye! Nice talking!"

Also, remember: figure out what you want. Why do I want to talk to this girl? Why her and not the other girl? Etc... If you know what you want, you'll be able to have a clearer idea as to how to go about with regards to actually getting it. Maybe you're looking for a random hook up or some kind of "relationship" or maybe you're like me and are trying to make what would have been an otherwise dull bus ride, become an interesting one. :)

P.S: I realise this post ended up being rather long winded. My apologies for this. I do hope it's of use to someone. ;)

Cheers

[zoobyshoe]

P.S: I realise this post ended up being rather long winded. My apologies for this. I do hope it's of use to someone. ;)
I found it an enjoyable read.

[flyingpig]

Nah, but I have followed her home before.

[bugatti79]

P.S: I realise this post ended up being rather long winded. My apologies for this. I do hope it's of use to someone. ;)

Cheers

Enjoyable read for me too...you sound like a player! :-)

[Tregg Smith]

"Every other Tom, Dick and Harry has, after mustering up his courage, walked up to that girl and told her she's pretty. Then what? Yes, you told her she was pretty, what next? Telling a girl that *you think* she is attractive is not a bad thing, the bad thing here is falling short of words after you say it." I got this figured out. You just come right out and say "would you like to spend some time with me? Maybe go for a coffee or something?" Once that spark has hit that is you show obvious mutual interest, You need one opening line, maybe you've told her she's just a beautiful woman then the ice is broken and you can ask her to spend some time. This has happened to me several times where a woman is obviously attracted to me so next time...WTF you are likely never to meet again so what is there to loose? Sooner or later you gotta get lucky!

[nucleargirl]

ok, I dunno if its already been said, but, what to do if you are a girl and see a hot guy?

like today, I saw this guy walking out of this physics or engineering building, and OMG!!!!!
like oh my goodness... I was speechless and staring, and he saw me, but kept on walking. I didnt do anything...

I dont know! I will probably never see him again, and I never got to know him! but I also dont want to go up to him and ask him out cos what if he says no? and what if then I see him again and have to work with him in some way (its always a small world) and it becomes really awkward? What to do?

[zoobyshoe]

ok, I dunno if its already been said, but, what to do if you are a girl and see a hot guy?

like today, I saw this guy walking out of this physics or engineering building, and OMG!!!!!
like oh my goodness... I was speechless and staring, and he saw me, but kept on walking. I didnt do anything...

I dont know! I will probably never see him again, and I never got to know him! but I also dont want to go up to him and ask him out cos what if he says no? and what if then I see him again and have to work with him in some way (its always a small world) and it becomes really awkward? What to do?
A couple girls have told me that when they think a guy is really hot they become tongue tied and quiet. That's natural, I suppose, but they also seem to expect guys to understand why they are quiet. Most guys, I think, will assume you dislike them intensely if you clam up around them.

So, your best bet is to talk to them and demonstrate interest in them.

[Tregg Smith]

reply to nuc girl's last -What's wrong with just being honest. Just go up to him and start with the small talk. I think we are all trained to think it's terribly wrong to meet someone other than in an "approved way"- that's why we get nervous, but if you just went up to him and very calmly said "hi How ya doin? Give him time to reply. Stay calm. Say maybe "I was goin over to get a coffee want to come along? It's on me." There is nothing wrong with this! Be your own person. You can then always back off if you suspect he is a serial killer or other perv. And you missed your chance the other day. Not a big deal I guess.

[Tregg Smith]

I've discovered a new technique for getting dates. Shushi. There's a hot check out girl who I've seen looking at me several times. So in her line the other day I asked her if she's tried the shushi they sell. Turned into a good conversation on her past experiences with it and how she doesn't like it so now I feel we know each other somewhat. Next I'll just grab some shushi and ask her if she'll have one with me. I can say do you have a break soon or How about after work? I used the same approach with a woman I know and she said she would have some but didn't really like it. That's the thing I think. A lot of people don't like shushi but don't mind trying it. Anyway it's a good conversation starter.

[zoobyshoe]

I've discovered a new technique for getting dates. Shushi. There's a hot check out girl who I've seen looking at me several times. So in her line the other day I asked her if she's tried the shushi they sell. Turned into a good conversation on her past experiences with it and how she doesn't like it so now I feel we know each other somewhat. Next I'll just grab some shushi and ask her if she'll have one with me. I can say do you have a break soon or How about after work? I used the same approach with a woman I know and she said she would have some but didn't really like it. That's the thing I think. A lot of people don't like shushi but don't mind trying it. Anyway it's a good conversation starter.

There's nothing wrong with inviting someone to have sushi, per se, but I'd be very careful about possibly annoying the check out girl, or anyone whose job requires them to be nice to you or recommend a product. Your perception that now you feel you know her because she conversed about a product they sell could be way off.

The reason I say this is that I a friend of mine here ended up having to quit a checkout job after a customer started stalking her. Apparently, he misinterpreted her job-required friendliness as romantic interest.

Check out girls, salespeople, and baristas are required to be attentive and nice to people, and you shouldn't read too much into that.

[Tregg Smith]

There's nothing wrong with inviting someone to have sushi, per se, but I'd be very careful about possibly annoying the check out girl, or anyone whose job requires them to be nice to you or recommend a product. Your perception that now you feel you know her because she conversed about a product they sell could be way off.

The reason I say this is that I a friend of mine here ended up having to quit a checkout job after a customer started stalking her. Apparently, he misinterpreted her job-required friendliness as romantic interest.

Check out girls, salespeople, and baristas are required to be attentive and nice to people, and you shouldn't read too much into that.


Thanks for the warning-it always helps but I've seen this one looking at me several times and we have spoken briefly a few times. She once came right up beside me as I was walking thru the store in a way that said "I like you". I was slow on the pickup-didn't say anything to her and she gave me the cold shoulder for a long time. I hope it's repaired now. Maybe I should have said it that way in the beginning. The sushi gave me a chance to make amends.

[Mépris]

...

It doesn't have to be sushi. It can be anything, ranging from her shoes, the annoying boys band playing (if she happens to like 'em, even better! give her a hard time for it!) or the weather.

For the record, I'm no player. I'm just a guy who has a bit of an obsession with spider-man, house m.d and silly integrals. ;)

If you wanna see a player, watch Californication. Hank Moody knows how to please a woman. Or himself...

[Winzer]

I did this about a week ago to this really attractive redhead.
I randomly walked up to her and start talking. The conversation
actually went well, contrary to past experiences.
So I walk out of the bar, then I say "screw it" walk back in and ask
her for her number. She agreed!.....And it's not fake!
I have to admit it was a real confidence booster.

[Tregg Smith]

That's cool. I was working security at a Penny's and a sales girl said a guy just handed her his phone number as he left. Don't know unless you try.

[Winzer]

Yah...This is definitely something I have had mixed success with.
But at at least I have gotten better at holding a conversation.
I have gotten straight out rejected before. But I actually prefer this
to being given a fake number. Like with most things in life, this is
something that needs to be practiced to get better at. But you have
to be prepared for rejection.

[Newai]

Okay, so I guess unattractive women are out.

*eyes shift left*

*eyes shift right*

[Tregg Smith]

I have learned that women or men often put up a front of aloofness or other negative presence and if you just say something to them you will see that front disappear and a friendly self will emerge. And if not at least you tried to make the person's life a little better. Your intentions are everything. Sex would always be great but if you can only gain a new friendship well that's still good too. Speaking of personalities I just came across this quote: "There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face"- Shakespeare's Macbeth

[KrisOhn]

I haven't read the entire thread at all, but frick I wish I had the balls to do this. I was climbing the other day and a couple of girls came to climb too, one of them kept looking and smiling at me. I was talking about a specific route, how fun the last move is, next thing I know, she's doing that route. I don't know, maybe I'm making stuff up, but that has been the closest I've ever gotten to asking for someones number while sober. Kind of wish I had done it, but I know if I saw her again I probably wouldn't be able to.

[TheStatutoryApe]

I haven't read the entire thread at all, but frick I wish I had the balls to do this. I was climbing the other day and a couple of girls came to climb too, one of them kept looking and smiling at me. I was talking about a specific route, how fun the last move is, next thing I know, she's doing that route. I don't know, maybe I'm making stuff up, but that has been the closest I've ever gotten to asking for someones number while sober. Kind of wish I had done it, but I know if I saw her again I probably wouldn't be able to.

I'm not sure about this but I was considering the logistics of approaching women cold. In part I was considering the relative success of a regular at one of the bars I go to. He is 50, overweight, not very good looking, and even somewhat annoying. But he approaches women at the bar constantly. They usually talk with him and sometimes even give him their phone numbers. One of the interesting things I have noticed is that he tends to mostly approach groups of women. Thinking back I believe that the majority of when I have successfully struck up conversations with at bars were women that were with friends. While my acquaintance is likely just playing a numbers game I think that the real advantage is that a woman is likely to be more comfortable if she has a friend with her. If she is concerned about what sort of creep a man approaching her is or what sort threat he may pose to her then she may feel cornered or vulnerable if she is alone and so more likely to brush someone off or act cold and aloof.

Any way, if you want to try approaching women cold I suggest trying to approach them in groups. I might try it myself but I am not much of a flirt these days.

[bpatrick]

Every woman I ever dated I approached completely out of nowhere.

From about the time I was 17 or so I was consistently getting anywhere between 2-3 numbers a week. Most of the time I wouldn't call just due to having a busy schedule or not really having hit it off with the woman.

I don't really mean to paint myself as a "Casanova" or anything, I actually was extremely conservative with the whole relationship thing because from the time I went away to college, I was already looking for "the one" rather than just trying to hook up or date.

For me, being a professional musician really helped out with the ease of meeting women and easily obtaining dates if I wanted. I say this mainly because it made so many things easier when approaching women ... for example: throughout college I worked at a dinner theater Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights playing in the pit orchestra. The dress code was white bow tie tuxedo. At least for me, being at gigs where I'm wearing a tailored suit or tuxedo gave me a bit more confidence because I knew I looked good, especially when the venue didn't necessarily mean the audience needed formal attire ... aka I was better dressed than 90% of the guys in the room if I decided to stroll out and mingle during intermissions. The shows themselves gave at least a good opening line for small talk. I'd simply be able to ask, "how are you enjoying the show this evening?" and who knows where that would go. Sometimes we'd end up striking up a convo about the city, about the show, about television, about music, museums, etc... and half of the time, when the curtain dropped at the end and applause died down, there would be the woman I hit it off with coming up to the stage and looking down into the pit, waiting for me to come up the stairs, just for her to give me her number before she left with her party or whatever.

Sometimes I'd go out with two of my fellow musicians after a performance (still in tuxedo) and just have some appetizers at a local bar. Brian was in a relationship the entire time I was an undergrad (when I knew him) and Brendan was a little too timid to be much of a wingman, but eh, he still got a kick out of how I'd have no hesitation to walk up to a stunning woman at the bar and strike up a conversation. I often abstained from buying them drinks, it's too cliche really. I'd say a good 80% of the time they were completely uninteresting and I'd leave on my own and rejoin my friends, but there were times I started to hit it off.

Going up to a group of women is a little different, especially if you're not used to doing it. I developed a few "tricks" that I used over the years. One thing I'd recommend is getting good at performing a magic trick. When I say good, I mean really good ... like you're a professional illusionist with just that one trick. It really breaks the ice and often impresses the whole group of them because it's unique and jeeze, when is the last time a guy had the balls to go up to any group that any of the women have ever been in and perform a magic trick? If they ask for more, just be modest and say that you don't want to wow them too much, or something like that. The next thing I'd recommend is to start isolating the group into the "target girl" and one of her friends and just start with casual smalltalk like where they're from, how long they've known each other, stuff they do for fun, is it somebody's birthday, etc... and then eventually just use some body language to really hit home that you're into the one you're going for.

Best case, you'll have successfully gotten a date with your girl and have managed to pull it off with her group of friends right there, which will probably score some bonus points, just because they'll remember you and tease her later that night with stuff like "so are you gonna go out with THAT GUY" or whatever. And worst case is that the one you fancied, or even none of them turned out to be that cool, you didn't get a vibe from any of them, got no number, and had to bow out to get back to your friends after an awkward minute or two of talking after doing the magic trick.

That's at least some of my experiences while I was doing the whole go out and meet women / dating thing. I'm currently engaged and have been in this relationship for a few years, so there's not much randomly approaching women anymore. Sometimes Debra and I will go to college parties (she's a college senior) and I'll just start talking to random people though. Like just last week for Halloween we went to a party where I knew hardly anybody, but if you're willing to just put yourself out there (and have done it enough to get past the nerves bit), you'll end up winning a few games of beer pong and practically giving a seminar to half of the entire party on Doctor Who to educate the kids who don't know what your costume is.

If there was anything I had to say for people who want to start getting up the "balls" to approach women they find attractive, it's this: practice makes perfect. Just like the best way to get over stage fright as a musician is to just keep playing for people and bigger and bigger audiences ... eventually it's no big deal to be giving solo recitals or playing the opening trumpet call of Mahler 5 for a packed 5,000 seat concert hall. Worst case you're going to strike out, and that'll happen a lot just because, to be honest, you're not going to hit it off with everybody anyway, so you don't know the girl from Eve, what's to say she's even your type personality wise ... exactly, so just go for it and whatever, eventually you'll figure out the right balance of tact and directness to get results.

[Nano-Passion]

I used to do it a loot! Then I got a girlfriend of which I stayed with for a year. Since then I haven't got the same confidence back for some really weird reason. But its all just mind over matter.

Now I'm much more preoccupied with my study. And I'm not the best of stealing a girl's heart after the initial conversation because frankly I'm not too keen in all the socialization that needs to be done. Its a waste of my time at the moment, after my ex I'm kind of like.. "meh whatever" mentality.

I've had a couple girls approaching me, but that's rare.. point is don't wait for someone to approach you!! Guys are supposed to be the ones doing it (because girls won't!).

Oh.. and for the love of god don't approach a girl until you make good eye contact! If you see her looking at you a few times then approach her! If you see her staring at you constantly then say something( exact opposite of what I do =[ )! Your chances are much higher if you look out for who might be interested in you and you might not lose as much confidence by getting rejected a lot.

[Tregg Smith]

I've really backed off at lusting after women at least overtly. I got this new job where there are a LOT of women (and men). I noticed several of the women even youger ones checking me out but I'm careful not to go far with any talk. I look in the mirror and depending on the lighting I sometimes think "Jesus! that's absolutely horrible." It's easy to get thought of as a shallow philanderer or the like and I'd rather be known now as someone with an admirable personality. I would love to be friends with these women. If you can just wait out the infatuation thing without blowing it. Then let it bloom into friendship.

[netgypsy]

From the ladies - a couple of suggestions -

make friends with a very confidant good looking guy who knows how to chat up anyone. He'll have leftovers who will probably like you better anyway.

DON'T talk about your work or hobby unless they are obviously really into them. There's no greater turnoff than to listen to a guy talk about his favorite game or the car he's rebuilding for hours.

Make her laugh. Watch they guys who make the girls laugh and see how they do it. It's really not hard.

And forget about failure. You will fail many times but when you win it'll all be worth the trouble. it really helps if you like and understand women. Again finding a friend with several sisters is a good thing.

[Tregg Smith]

I can add this. Over the years I've worked with guys who have terrible breath,nose hair like artist brushes, teeth the color of bananas and nails that just get worn down never trimmed. They're not aware of any problem it's just they way they've always been. Once I saw this guy walk out of a store with his woman and two feet out the door he spat out a big glob of phlegm right where people had to walk. I felt sorry for her. If you're just some horny dude who likes to flirt then do what you will but if you're looking to make a better impression then look at how you look talk and smell.

[netgypsy]

Amen to that
Most guys know that from age 13 but there are some who think their woman should love them the way they are. NOT gonna happen. YUKKK Like the girl that looked cute until she raised her arm. NEITHER gender should accept less than impeccable grooming from a wannabe "friend" unless you meet at a marathon or bicycle race. And then you hit the showers immediately. Bad grooming screams "I don't care a thing about offending you." Don't walk, RUN the other way fast.

[cbetanco]

Amen to that
YUKKK Like the girl that looked cute until she raised her arm.

HAHAHA, OMG, I know what you mean. I was on the bus once, and I saw one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. Honestly, she was gorgeous. She looked like a hippy, but that didn't matter (I went to school in Santa Cruz, every other person is a hippy). When we both got off the bus at the bottom of the university, I couldn't stop looking at her. AND THEN, she went to go get her bike from the front of the bus, and raised her arms and... well, she had more hair under her arms than on my head (I am pretty shaggy) and all the sudden, I was completely turned off. This girl went from one of the most beautiful creatures on Earth to completely repulsive to me. It really bothered me on the walk home that day. And every time I think of it, I just think it was such a shame. I wouldn't mind if a girl smelled a little, but hairy armpits/legs are a complete turnoff for me. I would have talked to her, except after seeing her massively hairy hippy armpits, I just couldn't even bring myself to look at her anymore. Maybe I'm shallow, but its just how I felt (and still feel)

[netgypsy]

-The first thing they teach you when you take a job in another country is to be very careful not to violate the rules, spoken and unspoken in that country and even if she was European it was surely obvious to her that if you want to keep your armpits hairy you'd better wear long sleeves in the US or get used to disgusted looks. A friend's husband is a cyclist and he shaved pretty much all over and she found it soooo attractive. I always wondered what she thought about the day after though???? Head to toe razor burn????

[lisab]

Evo posted this years ago...it burned a place in my memory...

iT89qfDx3yM

[cbetanco]

that burns my eyes. I wish I could undo seeing that.

[Evo]

Heheh, I *love* that commercial.

I remember in France, I was on the train and in my comparment was a beautiful woman, wearing a skirt, then I looked at her legs, she was wearing hose and the thick long hair on her legs was all matted underneath them. But that was acceptable, I know french men that are turned on by leg and armpit hair on women. There have even been members here that have posted that they are turned on by the smell of armpit sweat in hair, they don't want their women to shave or wear deodorant.

[Astronuc]

Heheh, I *love* that commercial.

I remember in France, I was on the train and in my comparment was a beautiful woman, wearing a skirt, then I looked at her legs, she was wearing hose and the thick long hair on her legs was all matted underneath them. But that was acceptable, I know french men that are turned on by leg and armpit hair on women. There have even been members here that have posted that they are turned on by the smell of armpit sweat in hair, they don't want their women to shave or wear deodorant. And the problem is ? :biggrin:

Being half wolf, my nose is very sensitive, and deoderants and perfumes are very irritating to my olfactory system. I much prefer natural scents. :tongue2:

[netgypsy]

GAG

Deodorant doesn't have to be scented. According to Dr. Oz it works by simply stopping the scented armpit odorous material from being emitted in the first place. I have most unpleasant memories of a colleague who attempted to cover his BO by using large quantities of cologne. The least I heard he was on the run in Africa. Perhaps that's far enough away so it's safe to breathe through my nose again.

[Nano-Passion]

And the problem is ? :biggrin:

Being half wolf, my nose is very sensitive, and deoderants and perfumes are very irritating to my olfactory system. I much prefer natural scents. :tongue2:

lmao

[turbo]

I have to agree with Astro. Strong chemical fragrances can throw me into a tail-spin. I'd much rather deal with body odor, etc. A very pretty young lady in college was the daughter of a diplomat stationed in Switzerland, and she didn't shave or cover up smells with fragrances. I was smitten by her. Natural smells can be aphrodisiacs, IMO.

[Nano-Passion]

I have to agree with Astro. Strong chemical fragrances can throw me into a tail-spin. I'd much rather deal with body odor, etc. A very pretty young lady in college was the daughter of a diplomat stationed in Switzerland, and she didn't shave or cover up smells with fragrances. I was smitten by her. Natural smells can be aphrodisiacs, IMO.

Well yes, there are odors naturally secreted by the body that is intended to attract the opposite sex. If you mask it up too much then it is disgusting. Colognes and perfumes try to emulate these sexually-attractive odors.

Then again, that doesn't mean that heavy body odor is attractive. There is a certain balance to things. If you smell like fish and salt then I won't talk to you.

[BobG]

Hey,

Looking through this forum, it seems that many guys here are asking questions from a relatively lost, helpless perspective. They seem afraid to talk to girls, unsure of how to meet them and without the confidence to think that these women might be attracted to them.

The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

Corollary: if you're having girl problems, what's stopping you? Is it anything more than nerves/low self-esteem?

It took a while, but I finally came up with some reasons this is a bad idea.

Caution: Don Hertzfeldt is a very disturbing animator. This probably is as close to appropriate as he gets, and close to appropriate is an apt description. Viewer caution advised.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaLRpFdZ2V4
BaLRpFdZ2V4

[widereader]

Many men lose the chance of gaining an opportunity of meeting wonderful women because of a wrong thinking. Women are used to be approached at not the other way around. Grab your chance of meeting these great women if you have the chance.

[queenstudy]

Coming from a girl - confidence is an asset!! It depends on where you are, though. If I'm in a hurry, I get annoyed. If I'm at the gym... I'm there to work out, don't hit on me. Back when I was in college, a lot of guys would sit next to me in class & start talking to me. It was a good way to start conversation and also gave us a common ground we shared already. I've been come up to in bars - don't do that, it makes you look sleazy, most guys in bars are there to meet a girl for the night. On the street? It can be incredibly flattering or incredibly creepy depending on what you say or factors that may have nothing to do with you!

nice reply girl

[checkitagain]

"Dancing With The Stars" winner J.R. (whose face and body had/has severe
burns while on a mission in the U.S. military), is seen as "beautiful" and/or
"sexy" by may women who follow him, because he showed great confidence
(but not arrogance) in his dancing on that show. Also, his dancing ability
was relatively strong along with that confidence.