View Full Version : Flex is fuming!
FlexGunship
Dec2-10, 02:12 PM
Okay, I really need to vent... this is killing me.
The Premise:
So, I'm at the age where I don't get to meet many women. The ones you meet are bars are not always top notch, and I don't really bump into any at work. I'm going to share my most recent romantic encounter in hopes that someone will say: "Wow, that's terrible. I can't believe that." Because, frankly, I cannot believe what happened!
So, I met a local girl through a dating website. We got along really well through phone calls and the occasional text message. I would say that we were getting along greatly, in fact.
The Backdrop:
We decide to meet for our first date at a local sports bar. I told her I could grab a drink at the bar, and meet her at the door when she arrived if she would just give me a quick call. She texts me: "You're there? My best best best friend is there on a bad first date."
I look around, and sure enough, there's a girl with an overweight balding guy looking like she is having a terrible time. I text back: "Found her. Body language is obvious. Horrible date." My date (let's call her Mary) texts her friend (let's call her Harriet) to say I'm at the bar. Suddenly I hear laughing and she waves. I wave back and smile. Then I get a text that says: "Harriet thinks you're really cute."
So, I figure I'm sitting pretty. My date arrives and we go sit at a table. We joke around and things are going awesomely; no awkwardness and both having a good time. I say: "I'm really sorry your friend is having such a bad night. I wish there were something I could do." And Mary says "Well, maybe we could invite them over. Maybe a double-date won't be so bad." She sneaks a kiss, and I'm forced to agree. Hey! I'm a nice guy, what can I say?!
The Friend:
She invites them over, and I try to keep the table entertained. We're joking and having a good time. Harriet's date hits the restroom, and the gossip flies. Harriet tells me how jealous she is of Mary and how she wants the date to end right away.
The Plan:
So I suggest the following: let's end our meals, the girls leave together, and us guys to go our cars. I wait for about 2 or 3 minutes, and we can meet up somewhere. The plan is good, we agree to do it, and will meet at a different bar 5 minutes after the other guy leaves. Every goes fine. We leave, and I meet them 5 minutes later. I say: "Harriet, I'm really sorry about your bad date... how about I buy us all drinks?"
We are in agreement, and Harriet INSISTS we go to a SPECIFIC bar (one that I didn't know anything about). I agree. We head over and sit at the bar and I order us some drinks (it was amateur comedian night, so there was a two drink minimum; I end up paying for 6 drinks). Again, we're laughing having a good time. I felt like I was on top of the world!
The Ex's Ex:
Then Harriet freaks out. She says: "Oh my God, that's my ex-husband's ex-girlfriend behind the bar." I cannot possibly fathom why this matters AT ALL. I have no idea why we care about that information so I chuckle and say "Small world, I guess." Mary smiles, and she and I go back to casual date-style flirting. Harriet, however, is hard on edge. Her demeanor changes. Even though she is still trying to joke around and have a good time she keeps looking around for this other girl.
The Explosion:
A half hour or so goes by, and Mary leans in for a kiss. We kiss (just a peck, I swear) and Harriet loses her cool. She yells "Um, can you not...!!" I thought she was joking around, but she wasn't! I asked her "What's the problem?" And she starts rambling about things like: "Now my ex is going to know I'm with a guy who's kissing my best friend. How am I going to explain this. She's going to think I'm such a loser." I calmly tell her to quiet down since there's a performance going on in the room.
I turn to my date and ask her "Do you know what this is about?" And she says that she doesn't. Mary doesn't really know why Harriet is flipping out.
The Departure:
So I pay for our drinks and we leave abruptly. We get outside, and Harriet starts yelling at Mary and me again blathering about what he ex-husband will think, or what his ex-girlfriend will think. I very calmly interrupt her and say with a little anger: "Harriet, I really appreciate you making our date all about your social problems." She decides she's going to leave and I offer to walk her to her car (sine it's late and we're in an urban area). But she wants nothing to do with me and storms off.
The Second First Date:
Mary says she needs another drink, so we hit another bar for a beer. Everything goes back to normal and we're having a great time. She tells me how much she's looking forward to seeing me again and (for the first time in my experience) we set up a second date while we're still on our first date! Yay! I walk her to her car, we share a romantic moment, and she drives off.
The Punchline:
Two days later, she says she's not sure if we can date because Harriet hates me and Harriet is her best friend.
The Final Score:
I save her friend from a bad date
Invite her friend to hang out with us so she won't be lonely
I let the friend pick her favorite bar
I buy the friend some drinks
The friend basically spits in my face
Still have a great time with my date!
Friend says we're not allowed to date
Well, there's not really much you can do, to be honest, you just have to let her make up her mind.
Whether you'd want to date a girl who drink-drives is another question...
FlexGunship
Dec2-10, 02:25 PM
Well, there's not really much you can do, to be honest, you just have to let her make up her mind.
No, I know that. I mostly just want someone else to go "wow, weird." I mean... I can't be the only guy who totally doesn't understand the situation, right? Firstly, why would anyone on earth care what their ex-husband's ex-girlfriend thought?! I don't even care what my OWN ex-girlfriend's think... certainly not my ex-girlfriends' ex-boyfriends think.
Whether you'd want to date a girl who drink-drives is another question...
Hah, fair enough. I should mention that our four drinks covered the span of a meal and about 5 hours (6 to about 11). So, I'm actually confident that's not a serious issue.
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec2-10, 02:39 PM
this made me chuckle in disbelief.... you have no idea how many times this kind of sh*t actually happens
"i'd love to but (insert childish dramatic excuse here)"
FlexGunship
Dec2-10, 02:42 PM
this made me chuckle in disbelief.... you have no idea how many times this kind of sh*t actually happens
"i'd love to but (insert childish dramatic excuse here)"
Well, we're still in contact. She's just seriously concerned about what her friend thinks. I hate sounding sexist (when directly compared, women are consistently better than men), but are all women predisposed to this type of behavior?
My friend dated a girl that I hated ('cause she was a b*tch), but I sucked it up. That's what you do for a friend. I bought her birthday gifts and told her she looked nice when she got all "tramped up".
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec2-10, 02:51 PM
Well, we're still in contact. She's just seriously concerned about what her friend thinks. I hate sounding sexist (when directly compared, women are consistently better than men), but are all women predisposed to this type of behavior?
My friend dated a girl that I hated ('cause she was a b*tch), but I sucked it up. That's what you do for a friend. I bought her birthday gifts and told her she looked nice when she got all "tramped up".
very common for them to put their friends thoughts ahead of their own
dont ask me why but her girlfrieds will always win over you and herself
FlexGunship
Dec2-10, 02:54 PM
very common for them to put their friends thoughts ahead of their own
dont ask me why but her girlfrieds will always win over you and herself
Seems like her friend Harriet should've been more appreciative. I mean, I saved her from her bad date. And when she was bummed out, I invited her to join us. THEN I bought her two drinks.
It's like there was no action kind enough to win her over!!
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec2-10, 03:21 PM
Seems like her friend Harriet should've been more appreciative. I mean, I saved her from her bad date. And when she was bummed out, I invited her to join us. THEN I bought her two drinks.
It's like there was no action kind enough to win her over!!
Maybe you got her too tipsy, and we all get emotional when we're drunk
dont forget she said she was jealous, so if she cant be happy no one else can. especially her friends
Think about it this way - would you like to date someone with such a toxic friend?
I agree this is weird, but there are plenty of weirdos.
Gokul43201
Dec2-10, 04:11 PM
Think about it this way - would you like to date someone with such a toxic friend?More importantly, why would you want to date somebody that bases their life choices on the whims of a (toxic) friend?
Dembadon
Dec2-10, 04:31 PM
More importantly, why would you want to date somebody that bases their life choices on the whims of a (toxic) friend?
Bingo!
Topher925
Dec2-10, 05:11 PM
I was really hoping for a much more entertaining ending. The way you built the story up in the beginning made me expect something really dramatic to happen like Harriet was a hot Russian spy who wooed you and Mary into helping her with a secret mission that entailed a night of precarious murder and copulation.
But same old same old. Woman are crazy, so are their friends, and guys put up with it because there's nothing else to do.
FlexGunship
Dec2-10, 05:15 PM
More importantly, why would you want to date somebody that bases their life choices on the whims of a (toxic) friend?
Hmm. Good point. I mean, I told Mary I was willing to apologize to Harriet for being rude. I understand the principle of associative dating.
FlexGunship
Dec2-10, 05:17 PM
I was really hoping for a much more entertaining ending. The way you built the story up in the beginning made me expect something really dramatic to happen like Harriet was a hot Russian spy who wooed you and Mary into helping her with a secret mission that entailed a night of precarious murder and copulation.
Oh, sorry. Harriet wasn't particularly attractive which is one of the reasons I tried to be extra nice to her. As far as a night "entailed" with things... there certainly wasn't any murder.
This whole thing sounds like the female version of a wingman. First the wingman scouting you at the bar pre-date to see if you scoped out every female in the place, picked your nose, etc. You passed that hurdle.
Then the not quite sure phase; hence the wingman display at the second bar with a bartender the wingman had probably never seen in her life.
Then this part:
Mary says she needs another drink, so we hit another bar for a beer. Everything goes back to normal and we're having a great time. She tells me how much she's looking forward to seeing me again and (for the first time in my experience) we set up a second date while we're still on our first date! Yay! I walk her to her car, we share a romantic moment, and she drives off.
You almost made it!
Alas, upon further consideration, she fell back on her wingman again. Who knows what the wingman really thinks of you. The important thing is that she provides an excuse for Mary not to date you.
FlexGunship
Dec2-10, 08:43 PM
This whole thing sounds like the female version of a wingman. First the wingman scouting you at the bar pre-date to see if you scoped out every female in the place, picked your nose, etc. You passed that hurdle.
Alas, upon further consideration, she fell back on her wingman again. Who knows what the wingman really thinks of you. The important thing is that she provides an excuse for Mary not to date you.
Yeah, maybe. I felt like the connection was pretty decent. I should emphasize that I didn't really initiate the bar-room kiss. In fact, "Mary" and I are still in touch.
I guess its not impossible, I just feel like... I don't know... I've been rejected before. I know when a date is going poorly. I'm not oblivious. Frankly, I think if I hadn't been so nice to her friend things would be fine.
In retrospect, I am not sure if I would have saved Mary's friend at all from her date or invite her over for "double date". Nothing wrong with that you did, but you sort of converted a one-on-one situation to a two-on-one, which can sometimes blow up in your face. Trust me is hard enough to juggle multiple girls, worse to juggle them together at the same time.
My advice, don't lose contact with Mary, but do keep looking for others.
Pengwuino
Dec3-10, 01:22 AM
Why is it that girls can have relationships with friends that seemingly are more important than their bf/gf-type relationships! It's silly. When you date someone, you should just be dating that person. Not that person and everyone they know.
It's just crazy that I've never heard of 1 guy, ever, who needed or even cared if his friends liked his girlfriend. On the other hand, most girls I know have to have a guy who is liked by everyone. What is this nonsense? Most girls like to pretend they don't see guys as a "prize" and a status symbol.... but no one's buying it.
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec3-10, 07:24 AM
Why is it that girls can have relationships with friends that seemingly are more important than their bf/gf-type relationships! It's silly. When you date someone, you should just be dating that person. Not that person and everyone they know.
It's just crazy that I've never heard of 1 guy, ever, who needed or even cared if his friends liked his girlfriend. On the other hand, most girls I know have to have a guy who is liked by everyone. What is this nonsense? Most girls like to pretend they don't see guys as a "prize" and a status symbol.... but no one's buying it.
if anything, girls look at guys MORE as a prize than guys do... in my humblest of opinions
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 07:53 AM
In retrospect, I am not sure if I would have saved Mary's friend at all from her date or invite her over for "double date". Nothing wrong with that you did, but you sort of converted a one-on-one situation to a two-on-one, which can sometimes blow up in your face.
You might be right. It was more Mary's idea (it's hard to remember to use the fake names!!!). The conversation basically went like this:
Her: I was so nervous, but I'm having a great time now.
Me: I'm glad. I'm really sorry your friend is having such a terrible time.
Her: Yeah. Normally I would come to her rescue with a phone call.
Me: Heh, yeah.
Her: Do you think they could join us for dinner? They've already eaten, so I don't think they'll be here long.
Me: Uhh...
Her: Please?? <leans over and gives me a very sweet kiss>
Me: Yeah. Okay. What are their names anyway?
Maybe I shouldn't have fallen for it, but I was still in the mode of trying to make a good first impression. This conversation took place about 30 minutes after we arrived but before we had ordered food. I guess I just thought it was going to be dinner and we would all go our separate ways... but Harriet wanted to stay...
What can you do?! "Uh... go away, now. We're on a date?"
Actually, I was really disgusted with Harriet right away. She was rude to her date. Wouldn't look at him. Actually made a joke at the expense of his weight. Then she started showing a picture of her son and turns to him and says: "Oh, by the way, I have a son." He wasn't really happy, but I tried to make light of it and offered a quiet little "Surprise!" to lighten the mood.
Trust me is hard enough to juggle multiple girls, worse to juggle them together at the same time.
My advice, don't lose contact with Mary, but do keep looking for others.
Yeah, I've never really had a problem with "the friends" liking me in the past. I wasn't expecting any problems. I a pretty social guy, and relatively amicable. I play diplomat at work a lot and I can deal with fairly abrasive people.
Mary is keeping in touch with me. I'm thinking about asking her if she'd like to try another "first date" and call the first one a technical foul.
It's just crazy that I've never heard of 1 guy, ever, who needed or even cared if his friends liked his girlfriend. On the other hand, most girls I know have to have a guy who is liked by everyone.
One of my best friends had a terrible girlfriend. Or at least she and I didn't get along. But I was never rude to either of them about it. I simply didn't interact with her. It didn't stop me from accepting invitations to events. I don't know... I always just thought "he's my friend" and never really considered any other aspects.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 08:05 AM
Okay... crazy plan. What do you think?
I hate stalker-ish behavior, so I try to keep attempts at communication symmetrical. If she sends me a text I reply with one or two in kind. If she calls once, I call once.
Right now, I have a free call that I haven't used.
I was thinking of intentionally calling while she's at work to leave her a voicemail. The contents would be roughly this: "Hey Mary, I was just thinking that we never really got a chance to have our first date. How about if we try for this weekend? You said you liked wine tasting, so I was thinking we could do that."
AND OPTIONALLY:
"Maybe it would be best if you didn't mention where we are going to Harriet. You know, so we be assured of our privacy."
"Let's just not tell Harriet(!!) where we're going this time. <friendly chuckle>" (Crap... wrote her real name the first time.)
I should emphasize that Mary has already apologized for Harriet's behavior, and wanted to make sure I knew that I didn't do anything wrong. So, I think I know what she's thinking. And I don't think she would take offence to asking hr not to tell Harriet where we are going.
EDIT: Mary is an incredibly sweet girl. I know I can't "save" her from her best friend (it's a meaningless endeavor). I guess, I just feel like maybe Harriet would try to ruin anything good that Mary has, and part of me feels like defending her if I can.
Mary is an incredibly sweet girl. I know I can't "save" her from her best friend (it's a meaningless endeavor). I guess, I just feel like maybe Harriet would try to ruin anything good that Mary has, and part of me feels like defending her if I can.I'm just taking a break from the "Temporal symmetry solves all quantum paradoxes" thread. Discussing with Careful. (I'm assuming he's not called Careful for nothing. Then again, he, himself, is calling himself that.)
Anyway, I've benefitted from some of your posts, FlexGunship (itself a curious nom de plume). So, I read your OP. Wow ... weird. But entertaining.
Best of luck with this. You seem like a very able guy, so I'm sure you'll find a solution or will have some more entertaining stuff to post wrt this particular situation. I can't wait to read it, as I have virtually no social life. Not to worry, I'm 62 and don't need one.
EDIT: Mary is an incredibly sweet girl. I know I can't "save" her from her best friend (it's a meaningless endeavor). I guess, I just feel like maybe Harriet would try to ruin anything good that Mary has, and part of me feels like defending her if I can.
Oh, my! Harriet has my undying respect and admiration. What an incredible wingman! Any bad traits Mary may possibly ever have are vacuumed up by Harriet. Mary will always be incredibly sweet while Harriet will always be incredibly evil.
And I say this as a person who was a pretty good wingman myself - in other words, my job was to intercept and deter the female wingman. I once went so far as to have sex with the female wingman to keep her out of the way of my friend and his female target! I even went so far as to move in with the female wingman and eventually went through the worst break-up of my life when the female wingman finally left me and moved to a completely different state!
And, more importantly, things went well for my friend. Two weeks after he hooked up with his female target, they eloped, quit their jobs, and headed off to the West in his car. Never heard from them again - not even a postcard. Which just adds points to my performance as a wing man! I was still serving long after he'd completely disappeared from the scene!
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 08:47 AM
Oh, my! Harriet has my undying respect and admiration. What an incredible wingman! Any bad traits Mary may possibly ever have are vacuumed up by Harriet. Mary will always be incredibly sweet while Harriet will always be incredibly evil.
Err, I appreciate the idea you're pushing. I'm not discounting it. But I feel like maybe I've done an injustice. After Harriet stormed off (something decidedly un-wingman-like), Mary and I still went out and had a good time.
It would seem like that would've been a good time for her to leave. Or at least stop holding hands, or cuddling in booths, or kissing me. I like to pretend I'm a man's man (whether or not I am), so I readily reciprocate affection, but I don't tend to initiate it and it didn't suddenly fall in short supply for the rest of the night.
Like I said, BobG, you might be correct. But your theory really only fits two or three of the actual facts. I mean, it would require that Harriet actually stage a fake date, and pretend to have it go wrong for the purpose of setting up (prior to my arrival) the excuse to allow Mary to force an intrusion; then they have to pretend to want to ditch the other guy and meet me somewhere else (a good time to ditch me, actually); and finally, Harriet needs to fake an outburst and yell at both of us and storm off leaving Mary and I alone (to the benefit of???). It just sounds very conspiracy-like.
Jimmy Snyder
Dec3-10, 08:49 AM
Flex, I wouldn't walk away from this woman, I would run. However, in the OP you said that you don't meet that many women. If that is the only reason you are reluctant to let this one go, I would say do it anyway. However, if you are drawn to this woman in particular and not simply desperate, then I would say that you are privileged to see while single some of the worst you would see if you were married. Good luck to you.
I wouldn't run away.
Incredibly enough, I'd ask for another date with no mention of Harriet at all. Then I'd see what happened.
I obviously think there's a good chance Jimmy might be right. Just not good enough not to look in the box again.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 08:56 AM
Flex, I wouldn't walk away from this woman, I would run. However, in the OP you said that you don't meet that many women. If that is the only reason you are reluctant to let this one go, I would say do it anyway. However, if you are drawn to this woman in particular and not simply desperate, then I would say that you are privileged to see while single some of the worst you would see if you were married. Good luck to you.
No, no, no... it's not so much that I don't meet many women. It's that I don't care for most of them. I was resisting the urge to admit that I use dating websites, but there it is. The fact is that, when using a dating website, you have to go out on 20 first dates to find a decent person.
One is missing teeth, the other is secretly four times her disclosed weight, still another doesn't speak English. I've actually been on LOTS of first dates this year (much to the dismay of my personal finances), and rarely do I find someone who has intelligence, a sweet disposition, and the same life goals as me (i.e. start a family).
Mary is very sweet, very intelligent, wants to settle down in the future, and likes kids. Not to mention she's awfully pretty. She's my 1-in-20 for this year. And out of those twenty, they were all kind of 1-in-100s for their own reasons.
Frankly she's rare, and I've been on enough bad dates to appreciate a good woman. Do I want to hunker down and wait another year to meet the next Mary who will (CERTAINLY) have her own drawbacks and shortcomings?
EDIT: Since I'm divulging secrets about my life, might as well not quite stop there. Mary explained to me, before our date, that she had gotten out of a long abusive relationship and that she wanted to get out of it for a long time but couldn't do it. I suspect that Harriet was either supporting the relationship's existence, or was too busy with her marriage to care. I certainly don't know, but people are complicated; not usually very simple at all.
I've actually been on LOTS of first dates this year (much to the dismay of my personal finances), ....
One of the rules of internet dating is that the first meeting should be something very cheap; such as coffee and a walk. I'm kind of surprised that the women you're meeting on dating websites would even agree to a real first date with someone they haven't yet met in person.
That would also help explain some of the strange goings on if that night was the first time you'd met in person.
I know quite a few men are more traditional and think the first date has to really be a first date, but it's not something that's usually expected in the online dating scene.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 09:19 AM
I know quite a few men are more traditional and think the first date has to really be a first date, but it's not something that's usually expected in the online dating scene.
She picked the place. Don't know what to say. I've done the "meet in the park" and "grab a coffee" thing. I know where you're coming from. She was meeting me after work, and wanted to grab a bite to eat. The place we met (a sports bar) is a $9-meal type of place.
I feel like I'm defending my behavior a lot. I guess I didn't think I botched anything up. Maybe I'm wrong.
DaveC426913
Dec3-10, 09:21 AM
Ask Mary for another date.
And leave the stalker issues aside. Call her. Let her know you like her.
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec3-10, 09:40 AM
No, no, no... it's not so much that I don't meet many women. It's that I don't care for most of them. I was resisting the urge to admit that I use dating websites, but there it is. The fact is that, when using a dating website, you have to go out on 20 first dates to find a decent person.
One is missing teeth, the other is secretly four times her disclosed weight, still another doesn't speak English. I've actually been on LOTS of first dates this year (much to the dismay of my personal finances), and rarely do I find someone who has intelligence, a sweet disposition, and the same life goals as me (i.e. start a family).
Mary is very sweet, very intelligent, wants to settle down in the future, and likes kids. Not to mention she's awfully pretty. She's my 1-in-20 for this year. And out of those twenty, they were all kind of 1-in-100s for their own reasons.
Frankly she's rare, and I've been on enough bad dates to appreciate a good woman. Do I want to hunker down and wait another year to meet the next Mary who will (CERTAINLY) have her own drawbacks and shortcomings?
Aint that the truth!
i think your first option of calling while shes at work and leaving her a message is a good way to approach things, this way if she doesnt respond back you get the hint and cut your losses, on another note she isnt forced to reply right away and isnt put on the spot, and she has time to think about it, its probably the way i would do things
but i have incredibly bad luck with relationships so take that as you will
EDIT: Since I'm divulging secrets about my life, might as well not quite stop there. Mary explained to me, before our date, that she had gotten out of a long abusive relationship and that she wanted to get out of it for a long time but couldn't do it. I suspect that Harriet was either supporting the relationship's existence, or was too busy with her marriage to care. I certainly don't know, but people are complicated; not usually very simple at all.I wasn't going to comment on her co-dependant relationship with Harriet because maybe it's some weird thing they like to do, but this is a serious red flag. Any woman that's remained in an abusive relationship is bad news. RUN!!!! RUN AWAY!!!! Usually men that are abusive in a relationship showed some abuse even before the relationship got serious, but the woman decided to overlook it. For example, not hit her, but got angry and got a bit too close for comfort. Or too loud, there's verbal abuse too.
It's your life, but since you're asking for opinions, Mary has mental baggage that might look like a couple of carry-ons right now, but she may have several trunks hidden in the closet.
I feel like I'm defending my behavior a lot. I guess I didn't think I botched anything up. Maybe I'm wrong.
I wouldn't say you botched anything up. I'd say the most important item to plan for a first meeting in online dating is how to get heck out of the date when it goes bad. I think the evening you described was weird, perhaps because having Harriet already planning to be at the same bar just presented a good opportunity to merge two objectives - both Harriet and Mary had a way out of their dates.
In any event, the whole story puts things in a different light (actually, I guess your original post gave the whole story and I just glossed over the premise). You had some positive results. Plus, Mary is still keeping communications open (if there was no interest, she'd almost certainly send the e-mail letting you know she didn't think things would work out).
I say ask her out for another date and see what happens.
And Evo's warnings are worth noting. But with a caveat. How did she get out of the relationship and how long ago? If she got out of it on her own, it's a good sign. There is a tendency for people to have to be rescued from abusive relationships. In other words, they fall into an affair with someone who's primary attribute is that they get them out of the abusive relationship - they jump from the pot into the frying pan.
Browsing online dating websites isn't the usual way women escape from abusive relationships, so your main concern is probably how long ago and how much emotional baggage is she still carrying around from it.
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec3-10, 09:58 AM
(if there was no interest, she'd almost certainly send the e-mail letting you know she didn't think things would work out).
Wrong, she would ignore you.... unfortunately
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 10:02 AM
Wrong, she would ignore you.... unfortunately
Yeah. I'm not ignored yet. I still get smiley texts, and she called to wish me luck at bowling last night (I'm in a candle-pin league).
Although, I haven't heard from her today, at all.
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec3-10, 10:04 AM
Yeah. I'm not ignored yet. I still get smiley texts, and she called to wish me luck at bowling last night (I'm in a candle-pin league).
Although, I haven't heard from her today, at all.
well thats fine, sometimes you are just busy, but say she had 2 days to answer and updates her FB page with her phone but doesnt send you a text, now thats being ignored lol
Wrong, she would ignore you.... unfortunately
That's just plain tacky. There's no real obligations for a person you've only met face to face once in your life, but an e-mail doesn't take much effort to send, there's no awkward conversations, and the person can still ignore any replies the person sends.
A person doesn't even have to explain why they don't think the relationship-that-hasn't-even-started has no chance. Just don't leave the other person hanging.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 10:16 AM
That's just plain tacky. There's no real obligations for a person you've only met face to face once in your life, but an e-mail doesn't take much effort to send, there's no awkward conversations, and the person can still ignore any replies the person sends.
A person doesn't even have to explain why they don't think the relationship-that-hasn't-even-started has no chance. Just don't leave the other person hanging.
I've always given that courtesy to other girls I've dated. Actually, I can only think of one case where I just got ignored into nothingness. Turns out her phone got shut off and we got back together about 2 months later (just for two dates... didn't work out anyway).
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec3-10, 10:31 AM
That's just plain tacky. There's no real obligations for a person you've only met face to face once in your life, but an e-mail doesn't take much effort to send, there's no awkward conversations, and the person can still ignore any replies the person sends.
A person doesn't even have to explain why they don't think the relationship-that-hasn't-even-started has no chance. Just don't leave the other person hanging.
maybe its a difference between our 2 countries
i more often then not just plain get ignored, left hanging like a shot moose.
and to that respect i can only come to the conclusion that they were all very immature
maybe its a difference between our 2 countries
i more often then not just plain get ignored, left hanging like a shot moose.
and to that respect i can only come to the conclusion that they were all very immature
Having come immediately from the 56 worst analogies to this thread, I might know why you're being ignored. :rofl:
Having come immediately from the 56 worst analogies to this thread, I might know why you're being ignored. :rofl:I was thinking the same thing left hanging like a shot moose
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 11:00 AM
This whole thing is starting to make me sick; honestly. It seems that anytime I meet someone I'm genuinely interested in and with whom I feel a significant connection... something external happens to ruin it. Last time, I was dating a girl with two kids. They lived with me, and things were great... until the father of her kids (arbitrarily) decided he wanted them all back. That was more than a year ago, and this is the first time since then that I've felt that kind of intuitive connection with someone.
EDIT: What do I do? Wait another year, meet another wonderful girl... and wait for her to get hit with space debris?
JaredJames
Dec3-10, 11:01 AM
Why don't you just do the leaving a message thing? Sounds like a good idea.
If she says yes, great. If not, you know where you stand.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 11:05 AM
Why don't you just do the leaving a message thing? Sounds like a good idea.
I did. Thats exactly what I did. I guess I feel this kind of innate "knight in shining armor" thing; if she's being oppressed by her friend something inside of me wants to fight back! But it's her best friend... I can't try to turn them against each other. I also made it clear that I was willing to put the whole event behind me and never speak of it again, if Harriet were willing to do the same.
I don't know what to say here Flex. Just don't get hung up on a chick because you're attracted to her for whatever reason. My suggestion is to hit the tennis courts or fitness/workout clubs and find a girl that you would like to take a shower with. That's, in my experience, usually a good ice-breaker.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 12:00 PM
I'm going to tell you EXACTLY what went through my mind as I read this...
I don't know what to say here Flex.
Yeah, I know the feeling.
Just don't get hung up on a chick because you're attracted to her for whatever reason.
Wait, I thought that was the only reason to get hung up on a chick, because you're attracted to her.
My suggestion is to hit the tennis courts or fitness/workout clubs...
Funny you say that, I was just thinking about bailing on work and going for a good run then hitting the free weights. Sounds like good advice.
...and find a girl...
Oh, you mean go to the gym to meet someone. I'm not usually into the fitness-addicts. I like a girl in good shape, don't get me wrong, but I find I'm more attracted to a specific personality than to a specific body type.
...that you would like to take a shower with.
...ooooooh...
That's, in my experience, usually a good ice-breaker.
Hmm, hard to call it bad advice, per se. I think I'll just got for a run.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 12:04 PM
Anyway, I've benefitted from some of your posts, FlexGunship (itself a curious nom de plume). So, I read your OP. Wow ... weird. But entertaining.
I was stuck between:
FlexGunship
SmashDreadnaught
BuffBattlecruiser, and
LimpTugboat
Flex just seemed right.
Non-contenders were:
RockHardslab
BrickDeadlift
RipSteakface
BlastHardcheese
HackBlowfist
DirkHardpeck, and
Andy Dick
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec3-10, 12:06 PM
Having come immediately from the 56 worst analogies to this thread, I might know why you're being ignored. :rofl:
LOL you dont think i did that on purpose?? come on, i am the best and dishing out bad analogies
JaredJames
Dec3-10, 12:07 PM
LimpTugboat
Nah mate, should have gone with that beauty!
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec3-10, 12:08 PM
This whole thing is starting to make me sick; honestly. It seems that anytime I meet someone I'm genuinely interested in and with whom I feel a significant connection... something external happens to ruin it. Last time, I was dating a girl with two kids. They lived with me, and things were great... until the father of her kids (arbitrarily) decided he wanted them all back. That was more than a year ago, and this is the first time since then that I've felt that kind of intuitive connection with someone.
EDIT: What do I do? Wait another year, meet another wonderful girl... and wait for her to get hit with space debris?
i know how you feel, the big C got in the way of my last good one that i dated.... its hard to do something about that one.....
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 12:10 PM
LOL you dont think i did that on purpose?? come on, i am the best and dishing out bad analogies
Dishing out bad analogies?
That's like serving bear meat to a trout.
That's like writing on the thin edge of the paper.
That's like using invisible ink to correct a test.
That's like... annoying.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 12:11 PM
i know how you feel, the big C got in the way of my last good one that i dated.... its hard to do something about that one.....
Wow, that's terrible. I'm really sorry to hear that.
<attempts wry humor to lighten the mood>I assume you're not talking about Chicago.</humor>
JaredJames
Dec3-10, 12:11 PM
BlastHardcheese
Sounds like a macho way of saying you're firing blanks!
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec3-10, 12:16 PM
Dishing out bad analogies?
That's like serving bear meat to a trout.
That's like writing on the thin edge of the paper.
That's like using invisible ink to correct a test.
That's like... annoying.
i dont obsess and fire off 10 bad analogies at once every day..... just once in a while, i personally crack myself up
i_wish_i_was_smart
Dec3-10, 12:19 PM
Wow, that's terrible. I'm really sorry to hear that.
<attempts wry humor to lighten the mood>I assume you're not talking about Chicago.</humor>
Dont worry about it, it sucks hardcore, and i dont even wish it on my worst enemies
but **** i still got to live, i cant waste my young life that she was deprived of, it would defeat the purpose of the very tender and valuable lesson i have learned
so...dont worry about it, i rather someone crack a joke than someone say "i'm so sorry"
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 12:54 PM
Nah mate, should have gone with that beauty!
My friend uses it as his gamer tag on XBox live.
EDIT: And another friend uses SmashDreadnaught on Battle.net
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 01:30 PM
Oh well, no response today. She gets out of work at 7. So, I guess I'll just wait-by-the-phone... (I have a cell phone, so that means I'll probably just go run for as long as possible before my heart explodes from either overexertion or loneliness :frown:).
EDIT: Is it inappropriate to share personal photos on here? I figured I might upload a picture of myself if it's not too odd... I don't know why. Just... you know. Put a face to the story?
JaredJames
Dec3-10, 01:32 PM
It wasn't long ago you left the message was it? Give it a chance.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 01:34 PM
It wasn't long ago you left the message was it? Give it a chance.
Hah, well, yeah. You're right, of course. But when we talked prior to our date we had a steady tradition of text in the morning. Trade voice mail or texts at 2:00PM EST (her lunch break), and then a call that night after work.
I guess it's unfair to hope for the same behavior.
Is it inappropriate to share personal photos on here?
http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=7262
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 01:48 PM
http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=7262
Sooo... no? I'll post there and link. Then I don't feel weird.
http://www.physicsforums.com/showpost.php?p=3017686&postcount=4002
JaredJames
Dec3-10, 01:49 PM
That's you? I had visions of you being a LOT older.
Or is that 'mary'? In which case she's not really a looker.
wasteofo2
Dec3-10, 01:55 PM
Are you interested in this girl romantically, or are you OK just texting and chatting with her once in a while?
Cause lots of women will keep men orbiting them like that, and I think it's pretty disrespectful. If you're interested in her romantically, you shouldn't accept some whiney friend relegating you to the friend zone.
If you want to get the girl back out on some dates, the best way would be to cut off contact completely for a while and go do other things for a while. Get back in touch with her a couple weeks later and casually suggest getting together sometime. If she really likes you (seems she does) then the absence should make her realize that she wants you in her life, and to hell with the whiney friend.
BUT, if you give her all the texting and chatting without expecting to ever SEE her again, there's little doubt she'll be happy to have a new guy to use as an emotional outlet for a while, until she finds someone else.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 02:06 PM
That's you? I had visions of you being a LOT older.
No, that's my grandson. But we look exactly alike. Yes, I hide my age because it seems that "being young" is a worse stigma than "being wrong."
Or is that 'mary'? In which case she's not really a looker.
Hah. Okay. I literally LOL'd at this one. Thanks for that.
JaredJames
Dec3-10, 02:10 PM
No, that's my grandson. But we look exactly alike. Yes, I hide my age because it seems that "being young" is a worse stigma than "being wrong."
Stigma or not, I shall not hide who I am (my age is in my profile) and my username is my name.
(Only thing not available is picture of me - more due to lack of a current one than anything else.)
Hah. Okay. I literally LOL'd at this one. Thanks for that.[/QUOTE]
Well you did say "personal pictures" and I just assumed you meant something relating to said topic of conversation. I was actually expecting something a little more...intimate.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 02:17 PM
I was actually expecting something a little more...intimate.
Sorry to disappoint. You'll have to buy me dinner and drinks before you see anything like that. BTW, I'm still way older than you. :tongue2:
Maturity on the other hand...
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 02:31 PM
Are you interested in this girl romantically, or are you OK just texting and chatting with her once in a while?
Romantically. Sorry if that wasn't obvious.
If you want to get the girl back out on some dates, the best way would be to cut off contact completely for a while and go do other things for a while. Get back in touch with her a couple weeks later and casually suggest getting together sometime.
Hmm, interesting idea. I might be getting close to that anyway. I'm not going to keep a one-way line of communication open for very long. That's just weird. Maybe I'll tell her clearly: "I'm going to stop trying to get in touch with you for two weeks. After that I'll give you a call and see if you want to go out."
It just sucks from a practical perspective too. She was really sweet and said she would help me with my Christmas shopping. As a guy, I am entirely unequipped to handle this.
This whole thing is starting to make me sick; honestly. It seems that anytime I meet someone I'm genuinely interested in and with whom I feel a significant connection... something external happens to ruin it. Last time, I was dating a girl with two kids. They lived with me, and things were great... until the father of her kids (arbitrarily) decided he wanted them all back. That was more than a year ago, and this is the first time since then that I've felt that kind of intuitive connection with someone.
EDIT: What do I do? Wait another year, meet another wonderful girl... and wait for her to get hit with space debris?
Flex,
I never hang in the relationship forums, but you have a genuine talent for wit and humor, and the PF dog-piler's make this thread worth reading. That being said, I have a humble suggestion.
Do whatever really engages you and that you truly love to do, outside of looking to meet a woman. While you are having a great time being yourself and at ease, be open to opportunity for whatever comes your way. (Being engaged in some thing pleasurable takes you away from the anxiety and stress, a very good thing). This strategy (in a different context) has and is serving me well. Best of luck.
Rhody...
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 03:25 PM
I never hang in the relationship forums, but you have a genuine talent for wit and humor, and the PF dog-piler's make this thread worth reading.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Do whatever really engages you and that you truly love to do, outside of looking to meet a woman. While you are having a great time being yourself and at ease, be open to opportunity for whatever comes your way. (Being engaged in some thing pleasurable takes you away from the anxiety and stress, a very good thing).
Well, Rhody, I appreciate the advice, but those aren't the girls I'm interested in. I like to go climbing and I race my car (in season). Frankly, I'm just plain not interested in dating people from those pools. That's not to say I haven't done it, they're just never "my type." Furthermore, I have no interest in dating myself. I don't want to date someone that's like me (I get enough of me as it is!). I want someone that's starkly different.
I've never felt the anxiety or stress that other people talk about while on a date. In fact, I've always thought: "If I can't be myself around the person, there's not much of a point to being around them."
And that's the clincher... Mary (I always type the real name first and have to delete it) is one of those super rare girls. And we had an awesome time! It's like spending your life looking for an incredibly rare animal, finding it, capturing it, only to have it eaten right out of your hand by some sort of obnoxiously common animal.
By the way, I've gotten angry enough about this over the course of the day to become moderately spiteful. So I found a picture of Harriet to upload... weirdly pale, eyes too far apart, and teeth that could by a potato through a picket fence. Now imagine this looking at you just generally being bitchy.
http://www.cruzine.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/049-funny-photos.jpg
EDIT: Harriet has darker hair.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 03:27 PM
Ironically, one of my friends just recommended that I "get back on the horse."
Ugh...
Whether you'd want to date a girl who drink-drives is another question...
PF needs a 'Like' button.
http://www.cruzine.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/049-funny-photos.jpg
At least she has a cute forelock.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Well, Rhody, I appreciate the advice, but those aren't the girls I'm interested in. I like to go climbing and I race my car (in season). Frankly, I'm just plain not interested in dating people from those pools. That's not to say I haven't done it, they're just never "my type." Furthermore, I have no interest in dating myself. I don't want to date someone that's like me (I get enough of me as it is!). I want someone that's starkly different.
I've never felt the anxiety or stress that other people talk about while on a date. In fact, I've always thought: "If I can't be myself around the person, there's not much of a point to being around them."
And that's the clincher... Mary (I always type the real name first and have to delete it) is one of those super rare girls. And we had an awesome time! It's like spending your life looking for an incredibly rare animal, finding it, capturing it, only to have it eaten right out of your hand by some sort of obnoxiously common animal.
By the way, I've gotten angry enough about this over the course of the day to become moderately spiteful. So I found a picture of Harriet to upload... weirdly pale, eyes too far apart, and teeth that could by a potato through a picket fence. Now imagine this looking at you just generally being bitchy.
http://www.cruzine.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/049-funny-photos.jpg
EDIT: Harriet has darker hair.
Flex,
You just made my day... :rofl: I had to scroll to see the picture, and I lost it, very well done, best of luck in whatever strategy you choose...
Rhody...
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 04:09 PM
Flex,
You just made my day... :rofl: I had to scroll to see the picture, and I lost it, very well done, best of luck in whatever strategy you choose...
Rhody...
Thanks Rhody.
DaveC426913
Dec3-10, 05:19 PM
Hm. Flex, glad to say your pic kind of matches the image in my head.
And sad to say, Harriet's does too.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 05:24 PM
Hm. Flex, glad to say your pic kind of matches the image in my head.
Damnit, I hate being a stereotype.
DaveC426913
Dec3-10, 05:46 PM
Damnit, I hate being a stereotype.
Nah, no stereotype. I just guessed that your username indicated a 20-something.
FlexGunship
Dec3-10, 05:59 PM
Nah, no stereotype. I just guessed that your username indicated a 20-something.
Hah! Well you're wrong, Dave... I'm not 20-something, I'm 20-five!
Er... 25.
And a half.
I like the advices so far, especially Wasteofo2.
Here's what I'll do. Keep yourself BUSY with other girls, and then ask her out again.
Btw, could you tell if she likes you?. That's useful to know.
Hi Flex, still fuming? I agree with the others who have suggested finding a few other girls and taking showers with them. It will get your mind off, well, most everything. Including what's her name. See, I forgot already.
Oh Flexy, this doest bring back memories..
Frankly I don't approve the backdoor deal to get rid of the bald fat guy, but karma seems to have gotten you back (I don't believe in Karma, for what its worth).
Also, if someone like Harriet was trying to corkblock me while I was trying to kiss a girl I would ever so not politely tell her in not so many shades of tone of voice to stfu. I have done it before, and yes there is a chance you will be slapped, but she is a girl, how hard can it be, really?
Moving on. Some girls are just not worth the effort, and it is best to move on and not waste your time. Frankly a 3 strike policy would be the best approach. During the date, keep track of strikes against her, and just walk away on the third strike. Doesn't matter if you leaving her in the middle of the ghetto - just walk. Away.
DaveC426913
Dec4-10, 12:46 AM
During the date, keep track of strikes against her...
Oh yeah. This is the way to lead a well-adjusted life... :rolleyes:
Pengwuino
Dec4-10, 12:57 AM
Oh yeah. This is the way to lead a well-adjusted life... :rolleyes:
As much as I think everything cronxeh says and thinks is wrong, I don't think this is a bad idea. I've noticed that the people who are just awful human beings in my life will raise multiple red flags that must be taken seriously fairly quickly. On the other hand, people who are fine won't raise many in quick succession.
DaveC426913
Dec4-10, 01:02 AM
As much as I think everything cronxeh says and thinks is wrong, I don't think this is a bad idea. I've noticed that the people who are just awful human beings in my life will raise multiple red flags that must be taken seriously fairly quickly. On the other hand, people who are fine won't raise many in quick succession.
He doesn't say take 'red flags seriously'; he says 'keep score during the date'.
It's one thing to be able to recognize when something is a lost cause, but going into it ready to tick off boxes is looking for it to fail. And whaddya know - it will!
I know this one woman for about 2 months now, and I have yet to give her a single strike in my mind :biggrin:
I'm sure I've accumulated a few strike in her mind though :biggrin:
DaveC426913
Dec4-10, 01:06 AM
I know this one woman for about 2 months now, and I have yet to give her a single strike in my mind :biggrin:
Well you keep lookin'! It'll turn up if you just look hard enough.
Well you keep lookin'! It'll turn up if you just look hard enough.
Are you kidding, this one is a keeper.
JaredJames
Dec4-10, 01:12 AM
Well you keep lookin'! It'll turn up if you just look hard enough.
Blinded by love?
Pengwuino
Dec4-10, 01:56 AM
Are you kidding, this one is a keeper.
What's his name?
What's his name?
Haven't you heard? Cyrus is getting pinked soon, you don't have to call him a him anymore
FlexGunship
Dec4-10, 09:51 AM
Btw, could you tell if she likes you?. That's useful to know.
Yes, she liked me. I know you have to take my word for it, but all the signs were there: extended eye contact, she laughed at my stupid jokes, she kissed me on the cheek when I wasn't looking a lot, she would hold my hand or stroke my arm while we talked, we made plans for a second date before the first date even ended, and whenever we walked she would hook her arm in mine.
Proof? No, of course not. But that seems like a lot of trouble to go through for no gain.
FlexGunship
Dec4-10, 09:56 AM
Frankly I don't approve the backdoor deal to get rid of the bald fat guy, but karma seems to have gotten you back (I don't believe in Karma, for what its worth).
Well, it was a hard decision to make. I felt bad for the guy, and Harriet was NOT interested in him one iota. I guess I figured the "plan" would be the easiest way for him to leave but without feel too hurt or embarrassed.
Also, if someone like Harriet was trying to corkblock me while I was trying to kiss a girl I would ever so not politely tell her in not so many shades of tone of voice to stfu. I have done it before, and yes there is a chance you will be slapped, but she is a girl, how hard can it be, really?
Well, I did speak up, but I don't express my frustration and anger through violence or yelling. Its usually counter-productive. However, I think that fact that I said ANYTHING AT ALL is what set Harriet against me.
Moving on. Some girls are just not worth the effort, and it is best to move on and not waste your time. Frankly a 3 strike policy would be the best approach. During the date, keep track of strikes against her, and just walk away on the third strike. Doesn't matter if you leaving her in the middle of the ghetto - just walk. Away.
I'm not about to adopt a 3-strike policy. I would probably rack up 3-strikes before the meal arrived. Furthermore, I certainly wouldn't abandon a woman (no matter what the condition of the date) alone in an unsavory place. I just wouldn't do that, I feel like it would degrade my character.
I just wouldn't do that, I feel like it would degrade my character.
And that is why you go home alone, and as my homeslice P!nk sang it, "It's just you and your hand tonight. Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh"
FlexGunship
Dec4-10, 11:40 AM
And that is why you go home alone, and as my homeslice P!nk sang it, "It's just you and your hand tonight. Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh"
Umm, we were talking about abandoning your date in a bad area (as per your description). Given the premise, I'm going home alone either way, but in one case I'm not an *******.
Umm, we were talking about abandoning your date in a bad area (as per your description). Given the premise, I'm going home alone either way, but in one case I'm not an *******.
:rofl:
I used to see your point,
but after a 3rd strike she is no longer your date, in my book. Just a total stranger. In the ghetto. Wasting your time. While you could be with someone of substance. Getting it Marvin Gaye :biggrin:
GeorginaS
Dec4-10, 12:20 PM
I'm trying to see whether or not women have said a whole bunch in this thread. For what it's worth, I'll offer a bit of perspective from the dark side.
Flex, you were on a first date with a woman you'd only just met. Mary has been friends with Harriet for who knows how long. At that point in a relationship, it's a question of loyalties. Do you have your friend's back the way you normally do? Or do you tell her she's on her own and go off on your merry way with some guy who could very well end the evening with, "That was great. I'll call you soon." and then doesn't ever call again?
Then, you've let your long-time friend (however weird that friend may be) down for the sake of a few hours with a relative stranger. I can appreciate the balancing the situation required on Mary's part. She wants to think of just herself, and yet, friend.
[Caveat to say that, I also think that half-way decent friend would understand that you're on a first date and do their best not to intrude. Harriet has a whole bunch of points going against her.]
Certainly, the whole thing was annoying [Sorry, Flex, I'd love to be able to say "weird" for you, but in the world of my youth, your scenario only made the "annoying" grade. "Weird" had the potential to end with someone stripped to their underwear, tied to a chair and left in a phone booth on a busy street, late at night. Y'know?] and didn't make the best first impression of Harriet, I think it made a decent first impression of Mary because, if nothing else, you know she's loyal and someone you can count on. That's worth something.
Now, if this situation was, say, six months down the road, and you guys had been seeing each other for some time, and things were pretty solid, and Mary maintained her friend-time with her friends, and her you-time with you, then *something* would need to be done about Harriet and/or the relationship with Mary.
See, Flex, I rather admire younger women today for getting their priorities a bit straighter and not immediately dumping their friends at the curb the moment anything with a different-side opening pants zipper wanders by. Women routinely did that back in the "olden days" and harmed their long-term friendships really badly.
I seem to recall (having waded through this entire thread and noted that you called and left a message but I didn't note the times and dates relative to this point) that you left a message for her. Give her time to respond. I don't always get my texts or phone messages right away. I turn my phone off when I'm busy or involved in something with someone. Sometimes people need to be patient and wait to hear back from me. So give it some time. And when you do hear from her, have concrete plans for some kind of get-together, involving the two of you exclusively (ie: I have reservations for two at such and so restaurant), don't mention Harriet, and see how it goes from there.
If Harriet constantly commandeers Mary's life with drama and bs, and Mary allows that, then, as suggested previously, run.
JaredJames
Dec4-10, 12:23 PM
but after a 3rd strike she is no longer your date, in my book. Just a total stranger. In the ghetto. Wasting your time. While you could be with someone of substance. Getting it Marvin Gaye :biggrin:
Stranger or not, male or female, I wouldn't abandon someone and I don't think very much of anyone who feels that is the right thing to do.
JaredJames
Dec4-10, 12:27 PM
I turn my phone off when I'm busy or involved in something with someone.
I don't think that's the sort of thing he wants to hear right now with everything that's going through his mind. :tongue:
GeorginaS
Dec4-10, 12:27 PM
Oh! I just recalled something else Flex wrote. That "knight in shining armor thing"? No. Just, no. Don't go there, don't think that, don't even try, don't even think that's a good idea or something you want to do or be.
There be dragons. Just trust me on that one. Go with someone who can stand on their own two feet every single time. You don't want someone trying to "change" or "save" you, so why think that someone else would be up for that.
Plus: dragons. Nothing but bad stuff. Really. Can't stress that enough.
GeorginaS
Dec4-10, 12:33 PM
I don't think that's the sort of thing he wants to hear right now with everything that's going through his mind. :tongue:
Bleh, okay, you're right, Jared. That's bad phrasing on my part. I don't mean "involved/involved", I just mean if I'm doing something that involves being face-to-face with someone. See, I think it's polite to pay attention to the living, breathing, in-the-flesh person in front of me. I think it's horribly rude to be answering phone calls and responding to text messages while, say, having lunch with a friend.
I'll leave my phone on if I'm waiting for a specific, important call from someone, or there are things at work that someone may need to get in touch with me about, or if I'm wandering about on my own. Otherwise I give all of my attention to the person who's in front of me and that does not automatically assume said person is any sort of competition. :smile:
JaredJames
Dec4-10, 12:37 PM
I just mean if I'm doing something that involves being face-to-face with someone.
That's right, keep digging! :biggrin:
I do agree though, I don't mess with texts/email/phone when I'm with someone in person. That's just impolite.
GeorginaS
Dec4-10, 12:38 PM
That's right, keep digging! :biggrin:
Okay, I'll cry "uncle" now. You win. :biggrin:
Stranger or not, male or female, I wouldn't abandon someone and I don't think very much of anyone who feels that is the right thing to do.
What others think of me is none of my business :biggrin:
Also, why would I hold her hand treat her with kid gloves? She picked that bar to go to, hence she takes responsibility for whatever harm might befall on her if she is left alone by herself. And if she is an objectionable character, then she will be left alone by yours truly, and I would not even think twice about it.
And look at it from my side of view- if I invited her out, my intentions are that she is going to end up in my bed tonight, not alone in the bar. Obviously her intentions were different if she decided to dump her emotional garbage all over me during our date and accumulate all the strikes against her. Hence, her intentions were to use me for whatever personal satisfaction and in the end to be left alone.
I'm just a lone swimmer, in the sea of acid, looking for my way home, surrounded by others just like me, swimming vehemently for days alongside of me :biggrin:
FlexGunship
Dec4-10, 04:33 PM
I'm trying to see whether or not [...] Harriet constantly commandeers Mary's life with drama and bs, and Mary allows that, then, as suggested previously, run.
Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just so freakin' rare to meet a girl like her. And I feel like if Harriet hadn't intruded, we'd be getting along famously well right now; on our third date and planning a Scrabble party (we're both board game addicts).
Grr... now I'm worried that I'm ONLY attracted to crazy chicks.
FlexGunship
Dec4-10, 05:09 PM
The problem is that I've worked hard to cultivate a very reasonable and powerfully rational mind which means I have no tools for dealing with women.
GeorginaS
Dec4-10, 07:10 PM
The problem is that I've worked hard to cultivate a very reasonable and powerfully rational mind which means I have no tools for dealing with women.
Uh yeah? Well guys are three-headed creatures from the great beyond, as far as I'm concerned.
That makes us even, I figure.
GeorginaS
Dec4-10, 07:24 PM
Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just so freakin' rare to meet a girl like her. And I feel like if Harriet hadn't intruded, we'd be getting along famously well right now; on our third date and planning a Scrabble party (we're both board game addicts).
Grr... now I'm worried that I'm ONLY attracted to crazy chicks.
I'm wondering where the last line came from.
Anyone who will sit down with you on a third date and play Scrabble, by definition, must be an awesome person. Do you have the OSPD? That's an absolute must if you're in any way serious about it. And one must always be serious about Scrabble. Edited to add: Wow, cool! Third date!
Here's another unsolicited observation from me, Flex. There are very, very few things in this lifetime that are all that serious. For real. If you're enjoying the woman's company, then do. If it becomes not enjoyable any more, then don't. And laugh. Just about everything is funny if you stop and think about for just a few seconds.
Honest. Have some fun with whatever wanders your way. And, if all else fails, you have a cool story to tell.
FlexGunship
Dec5-10, 12:19 AM
Actually, a date was the second date. Wine tasting was the third. Scrabble was to come in the eventual future.
Like I said, we had planned more dates.
Actually, a date was the second date. Wine tasting was the third. Scrabble was to come in the eventual future.
Like I said, we had planned more dates.
Stop being obsessive, man. Ask her out? She said no? then move on. That's life.
FlexGunship
Dec5-10, 01:09 AM
Stop being obsessive, man. Ask her out? She said no? then move on. That's life.
Woah! I was citing precedent. I've moved on. This thread hasn't.
JaredJames
Dec5-10, 01:52 AM
I'll be honest, it doesn't sound like you've moved on. Sounds like you're pining for her a bit.
I take it you didn't get a reply then?
FlexGunship
Dec5-10, 10:55 AM
I'll be honest, it doesn't sound like you've moved on. Sounds like you're pining for her a bit.
I take it you didn't get a reply then?
Sigh, observation noted. Sometimes it's hard to judge yourself, I guess. "Pining" though? Naw, she's not a fjord. And I'm not a dead parrot.
No, I didn't get a reply. I'm done.
GeorginaS
Dec5-10, 04:23 PM
Dang! Sorry about that Flex. I misunderstood and thought that Scrabble plans et al were still on the go.
I can tell you this, though. There's lots more life on the way. Save this one as an interesting story to tell, laugh about it, and keep your eyes open. Yours is a story that's happened to most of us over, and over, and over again. Viewed as an adventure, it's fun. :smile:
FlexGunship
Dec5-10, 07:14 PM
Viewed as an adventure, its fun. :smile:
This must be a definition of the word "fun" that I wasn't previously aware of.
I know factually that I will be fine, but I also don't think its unreasonable to be bummed out about missing out on a "good one" for what I feel is, essentially, ********.
This must be a definition of the word "fun" that I wasn't previously aware of.
I know factually that I will be fine, but I also don't think its unreasonable to be bummed out about missing out on a "good one" for what I feel is, essentially, ********.
Think of it this way, she's also missing out.
This must be a definition of the word "fun" that I wasn't previously aware of.
I know factually that I will be fine, but I also don't think its unreasonable to be bummed out about missing out on a "good one" for what I feel is, essentially, ********.Think of it this way. If she was really a *good one*, she'd be dating you now. She wasn't.
Moving on. Some girls are just not worth the effort, and it is best to move on and not waste your time. Frankly a 3 strike policy would be the best approach. During the date, keep track of strikes against her, and just walk away on the third strike. Doesn't matter if you leaving her in the middle of the ghetto - just walk. Away.
Sorry, Flex, I'd love to be able to say "weird" for you, but in the world of my youth, your scenario only made the "annoying" grade. "Weird" had the potential to end with someone stripped to their underwear, tied to a chair and left in a phone booth on a busy street, late at night. Y'know?
They should make a movie about cronxeh's and Georgina's dating experiences. In the end, they could meet each other and then..... :surprised
.... oh, they're playing Scrabble.
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 07:27 AM
Think of it this way, she's also missing out.
Yeah, maybe. Given that it could be her friend forcing her to "miss out," I don't find this particularly consoling. I appreciate the thought, however.
Think of it this way. If she was really a *good one*, she'd be dating you now. She wasn't.
Hah! As though all sufficiently attractive and intelligent women wished they could date me. The premise is sweet, but the conclusion smells all wrong. Thanks, Evo.
DaveC426913
Dec6-10, 08:27 AM
Yeah, maybe. Given that it could be her friend forcing her to "miss out," I don't find this particularly consoling. I appreciate the thought, however.
Her friend is not forcing her. It is still ulitmately her decision.
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 09:12 AM
Her friend is not forcing her. It is still ulitmately her decision.
Point taken Dave, but this seems to the deny the existence of coercion. True, it is her decision. But her friend could've made it a "me-or-him" proposition. In which case, does she really have a choice?
JaredJames
Dec6-10, 09:23 AM
This is all speculation. It appears you have no idea what went wrong and why she's decided to let it go.
You're doing something most of us do and trying to assign blame away from yourself. Now I'm not saying you are the problem, but without knowing her reasons it's unfair to blame harriet for everything that's gone wrong.
You have to realise how silly it sounds when you say "she doesn't want to see me, it must be her friends fault". Especially when there's not exactly a solid reason to believe this.
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 09:45 AM
This is all speculation. It appears you have no idea what went wrong and why she's decided to let it go.
You're doing something most of us do and trying to assign blame away from yourself. Now I'm not saying you are the problem, but without knowing her reasons it's unfair to blame harriet for everything that's gone wrong.
You have to realise how silly it sounds when you say "she doesn't want to see me, it must be her friends fault". Especially when there's not exactly a solid reason to believe this.
Well, you're right about the content. It's not like I've never been rejected before. But this is the first time where our last communications were favorable, happy, funny, and flirty.
Furthermore, let me be clear: I want this to be my fault. If it is, I can take action to improve myself and my behavior on a date. But every time I look at it, I say: "what could I have done differently?"
I'm done.
Well, you're right about the content. It's not like I've never been rejected before. But this is the first time where our last communications were favorable, happy, funny, and flirty.
Furthermore, let me be clear: I want this to be my fault. If it is, I can take action to improve myself and my behavior on a date. But every time I look at it, I say: "what could I have done differently?"
I'm done.
I've been there. Trust me (you're not the first that have "interesting stories", and you won't be the last), sometimes it is better to just move on to the next one, especially when you know her for a short time anyway.
They should make a movie about cronxeh's and Georgina's dating experiences.
Man Ive been there. I was patient and caring and waited, and said and done all the right things, but apparently there is always someone else out there that is not like me, someone who treats a girl like crap and gets her to hang on his every word, and body part.
So you know what? I snapped. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Ill give her a standard 3 strikes per date, and if she pisses me off 3 times, I am not going to backhand her, Im just walking away. No point in wasting my time, especially since it takes a lot to piss me off.
Also this seems to be purely an American thing. I never encountered such stupidity from girls of my culture.
Well, you're right about the content. It's not like I've never been rejected before. But this is the first time where our last communications were favorable, happy, funny, and flirty.
Furthermore, let me be clear: I want this to be my fault. If it is, I can take action to improve myself and my behavior on a date. But every time I look at it, I say: "what could I have done differently?"
I'm done.
I think Harriet was jealous of Mary's good luck, to be honest. Perhaps also afraid that Mary might start spending more time with you and she'd be the third wheel and that made her feel like more of a loser. (if what you said about her outburst at the bar is true).
I'll give you a real life scenario from when I dated. I started dating a professional German soccer player that was on an Australian team and had a German/Australian accent, blond, gorgeous hunk. I dumped him.
My best friend Theresa was the first to tell me to dump him because the three of us went out to a nice steak restaurant and after dinner she told me she hated the way he ate. Now, I have a fork rule, I will not date any man that holds his fork upside down, it's like dragging fingernails across a blackboard to me.
Anyway, he held his fork properly, so he passed, but she felt he ate with too much enthusiasm. Anyway, her opinion weighed heavily with me, how do I date a guy that grosses out my best friend without losing her respect? Ultimately the reason I dumped him was because being a soccer player, every inch of his body was hard as stone, it was creepy, he didn't feel human, I felt like I was touching a statue. He was too physically fit.
Soooo, the point is it could be any silly, meaningless reason. But I'm betting that Harriet was afraid for the reasons I stated above and she did you in.
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 11:34 AM
I think Harriet was jealous of Mary's good luck, to be honest. Perhaps also afraid that Mary might start spending more time with you and she'd be the third wheel and that made her feel like more of a loser.
[...]
Soooo, the point is it could be any silly, meaningless reason. But I'm betting that Harriet was afraid of the reasons I stated above and she did you in.
I'm totally biased, and I'm certainly fishing for an answer that seems most pleasant to me. This explanation seems to pass muster. I would still like to think I dropped the ball somewhere so i can be more careful next time.
But your explanation does the least harm to my ego and does, in fact, fit what I understand to be their relationship and the events I've witnessed.
You must be right. :redface:
Dembadon
Dec6-10, 12:19 PM
Harriet's advice regarding Mary's relationships should be based on what's best for Mary.
Is talking to Harriet out of the question? It's hard to know what's going on without talking to both of them, but, even if you did get to talk to Harriet, she might not tell you the truth.
JaredJames
Dec6-10, 12:30 PM
Harriets advice? What advice? I must have missed that post. (I'm now reading back through it because I feel like I've missed something here)
WTF people. We're making this up as we go.
We don't know the reason she stopped wanting to see flex and yet somehow it's been decided Harriet is to blame.
"Ooh, she didn't reply to him therefore it must be because of Harriet." :uhh:
I can be as understanding and supportive as anyone, but I won't blow smoke. Yeah, Harriet doesn't sound like the most pleasant person, but does that automatically mean she ruined things?
She appears like someone with strange priorities (an ex's ex) and someone who likes to make a fuss of said issues. In this case it interfered with your date (thanks to your good intentions earlier).
I thought PF had rules on being overly speculative... :grumpy:
See if you told Harriet to stfu at least you'd be able to blame yourself
JaredJames
Dec6-10, 12:33 PM
See if you told Harriet to stfu at least you'd be able to blame yourself
STFU and lamped her in the face. Now that would have made an interesting story.
Harriets advice? What advice? I must have missed that post. (I'm now reading back through it because I feel like I've missed something here)
WTF people. We're making this up as we go.
We don't know the reason she stopped wanting to see flex and yet somehow it's been decided Harriet is to blame.
"Ooh, she didn't reply to him therefore it must be because of Harriet." :uhh:
I can be as understanding and supportive as anyone, but I won't blow smoke. Yeah, Harriet doesn't sound like the most pleasant person, but does that automatically mean she ruined things?
She appears like someone with strange priorities (an ex's ex) and someone who likes to make a fuss of said issues. In this case it interfered with your date (thanks to your good intentions earlier).
I thought PF had rules on being overly speculative... :grumpy:Perhaps this Two days later, she says she's not sure if we can date because Harriet hates me and Harriet is her best friend.
STFU and lamped her in the face. Now that would have made an interesting story.
Go balls out! ROAR!!
JaredJames
Dec6-10, 12:39 PM
Perhaps this
And since then we've been told how they were still in contact and quite friendly and things seemed ok.
If Harriet has said no to the whole idea of them dating, then the fact she's remained in contact, knowing flex is interested (heck they planned future dates) makes me think she's a total b*tch herself. Stringing him along if you will.
DaveC426913
Dec6-10, 12:39 PM
...and lamped her in the face.
I had to look this up. Understand its use; still don't get its ontology.
JaredJames
Dec6-10, 12:41 PM
I had to look this up. Understand its use; still don't get its ontology.
Lamped (or to lamp), where I live it's slang for punch or hit.
I have no idea what ontology is and so can't answer in that respect.
(For the record I was joking. Would never condone violence on a woman [or anyone for that matter] before anyone comes back at me for it.)
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 01:01 PM
Harriets advice? What advice? I must have missed that post. (I'm now reading back through it because I feel like I've missed something here)
Well, I have to admit that I condensed the story to begin with. Then when it seemed additional details were needed, I added them a la carte. The actual condensed timeline of our last interaction was like this:
Me: It's weird that I haven't heard from you
Her: Yeah, I don't know about the whole situation
Me: What do you mean?
Her: Harriet hates you and she's my best friend.
Me: Well, don't worry. I'm sure things will be fine.
Her: Yeah, I know. I'm going to talk to her tonight.
Me: Good idea.
Her: Can I have a pic to cheer me up.
Me: <sends pic> I'm going bowling now, wish me luck!
Her: Mmm, you look good :) Good luck! (<--- last thing ever heard from her)
That's actually very close (verbatim) to our final conversation. The "Mmm, you look good :) Good luck!" is character-for-character.
(Historical note: She mentioned at one point (PRIOR TO THIS CONVERSATION), that Harriet told her that I was hitting on her. But I cleared it up quickly by saying: "I've never cheated on anyone, but the first time I try is on a first date, with my date's best friend, while sitting right next to her?" And her response was: "I know... you're right. She's probably just making it up to make me not like you."
So I don't count that as being important since I don't think she ever believed Harriet. EDIT: Although, it should give you an idea of some of Harriet's personality traits if her best friend knows she's capable of lying about that.)
Dembadon
Dec6-10, 01:06 PM
Harriets advice? What advice? I must have missed that post. (I'm now reading back through it because I feel like I've missed something here)
WTF people. We're making this up as we go.
We don't know the reason she stopped wanting to see flex and yet somehow it's been decided Harriet is to blame.
"Ooh, she didn't reply to him therefore it must be because of Harriet." :uhh:
I can be as understanding and supportive as anyone, but I won't blow smoke. Yeah, Harriet doesn't sound like the most pleasant person, but does that automatically mean she ruined things?
She appears like someone with strange priorities (an ex's ex) and someone who likes to make a fuss of said issues. In this case it interfered with your date (thanks to your good intentions earlier).
I thought PF had rules on being overly speculative... :grumpy:
To whom are you speaking? If it's me, I don't see anything in my post that could be considered overly speculative. If anything, I admit to not being able to judge the situation without having more information.
... It's hard to know what's going on without talking to both of them. ...
JaredJames
Dec6-10, 01:08 PM
To whom are you speaking? If it's me, I don't see anything in my post that could be considered overly speculative. If anything, I admit to not being able to judge the situation without having more information.
Was just a general rant at some of the things people have been saying.
Now, I have a fork rule, I will not date any man that holds his fork upside down
http://www.bpp.com.pl/IMG/faint.gif
I have a fork rule, I will not date any man that holds his fork upside down, it's like dragging fingernails across a blackboard to me.
That's a good rule to have. It's embarrassing to eat with someone who can't use their fork properly.
http://static-p3.fotolia.com/jpg/00/02/97/50/400_F_2975001_ObpijOY34xT8efBLUfBprNWgDMW2Hn.jpg
DaveC426913
Dec6-10, 03:47 PM
So I don't count that as being important since I don't think she ever believed Harriet. EDIT: Although, it should give you an idea of some of Harriet's personality traits if her best friend knows she's capable of lying about that.)
I suggest that you contact her. Ask how she's been. Tell her you're just seeing how she's doing.
Ask her if, Harriet's issues aside, does she like you? You're not sure if your date got a fair shake. And can she see past Harriet's problem?
You might spur her into saying to herself 'Gee, who's life is it anyway?'. If she does come around, she will likely get Harriet to fall in line. (After all, that 'best friend' door swings both ways.)
It would be a shame if, because you didn't give it every chance, this died before it got started.
You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 04:05 PM
I suggest that you contact her. Ask how she's been. Tell her you're just seeing how she's doing.
Ask her if, Harriet's issues aside, does she like you? You're not sure if your date got a fair shake. And can she see past Harriet's problem?
You might spur her into saying to herself 'Gee, who's life is it anyway?'. If she does come around, she will likely get Harriet to fall in line. (After all, that 'best friend' door swings both ways.)
It would be a shame if, because you didn't give it every chance, this died before it got started.
You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
Well, it's a good idea. Maybe I'll give it more time? I hate the feeling of begging for attention. Since the last time I got any word from her ("good luck!"), I must've sent her 10 text messages and tried to call twice.
To be fair, most of it was me telling her about bowling and asking her how things with Heather went before I caught on to there being a problem. So, I sent her one the day after asking what was up, another text the day after that asking if we could talk (then a follow up phone call), and finally I sent her a simple text on Saturday.
I think I've made an attempt. I was going to let it cool off and MAYBE try one more time. But, I dunno... the message is clear.
10 text messages about bowling - that changes things to me. One would do. She could felt flooded. And I am deadly serious.
JaredJames
Dec6-10, 04:27 PM
I said it seemed needy and a bit intense about two pages back.
Given the new info, it does seem like you over did it.
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 04:45 PM
10 text messages about bowling - that changes things to me. One would do. She could felt flooded. And I am deadly serious.
I said it seemed needy and a bit intense about two pages back.
Given the new info, it does seem like you over did it.
Uhh, maybe. Again, kind of out of context. Boy, I feel like I'm painting myself as some sort of inept dater.
Examples: she used to text me every morning to say "good morning, xxxx" (where xxxx was a pet name), and we used to text through the whole work day. I would come back to 15 texts from here about how annoying some guy on the phone was. I dunno... it was the dynamic. It wasn't unprecedented, and I would carefully argue she was much more prone to it than me (I got a small narrative about her shopping for a brush or something... she couldn't find them, the lady was rude, they didn't have the one she wanted...).
And I said 10 total... that's only like 4 or 5 about bowling.
Uhh, maybe. Again, kind of out of context. Boy, I feel like I'm painting myself as some sort of inept dater.
....
And I said 10 total... that's only like 4 or 5 about bowling.
Text messages about bowling? I can't imagine why anyone would think you're some sort of inept dater. At least you managed to avoid the mistake of telling her she had beautiful eyes.
:rofl:
http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=272763&highlight=pick-up+lines&page=3
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 05:20 PM
Text messages about bowling? I can't imagine why anyone would think you're some sort of inept dater. At least you managed to avoid the mistake of telling her she had beautiful eyes.
:rofl:
http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=272763&highlight=pick-up+lines&page=3
Sigh... point taken. Just for the record, she asked to come be my cheerleader the night of our date (it was going to be our second date).
Grr... okay, I officially give you guys permission to rip me apart. I guess we're at the point now.
JaredJames
Dec6-10, 05:38 PM
Grr... okay, I officially give you guys permission to rip me apart. I guess we're at the point now.
Oh crap, we're supposed to wait for permission? :uhh:
Well, it's a good idea. Maybe I'll give it more time? I hate the feeling of begging for attention. Since the last time I got any word from her ("good luck!"), I must've sent her 10 text messages and tried to call twice.
To be fair, most of it was me telling her about bowling and asking her how things with Heather went before I caught on to there being a problem. So, I sent her one the day after asking what was up, another text the day after that asking if we could talk (then a follow up phone call), and finally I sent her a simple text on Saturday.
I think I've made an attempt. I was going to let it cool off and MAYBE try one more time. But, I dunno... the message is clear.
Who's Heather? Oh, do you mean Harriet?! D'OH, cat's out of the bag!
JaredJames
Dec6-10, 05:43 PM
Who's Heather? Oh, do you mean Harriet?! D'OH, cat's out of the bag!
Nice catch!
You know, I usually bail out fast :shy:, but what the heck give it a last try. I am sure it'll be a no, but you can prove me wrong.
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 06:23 PM
Who's Heather? Oh, do you mean Harriet?! D'OH, cat's out of the bag!
Fark! There's no point fixing it now. :(
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 06:25 PM
You know, I usually bail out fast :shy:, but what the heck give it a last try. I am sure it'll be a no, but you can prove me wrong.
Yeah, well, I happened to see her online today on the dating website we met on. So, maybe ill give it some more time. We had a genuine connection, so maybe I'll wait until she has a bad date or two.
Yeah, well, I happened to see her online today on the dating website we met on. So, maybe ill give it some more time. We had a genuine connection, so maybe I'll wait until she has a bad date or two.Good idea. Trust me, seeming needy will put you firmly in the loser category. Get on that site and start looking around, she might get jealous and contact you. I know when I brushed a guy off and he immediately moved along, it made me think that maybe I was too hasty and I should take another test drive.
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 07:48 PM
Good idea. Trust me, seeming needy will put you firmly in the loser category. Get on that site and start looking around, she might get jealous and contact you. I know when I brushed a guy off and he immediately moved along, it made me think that maybe I was too hasty and I should take another test drive.
I actually do pretty well at "picking up chicks." If guys on this site haven't read The Game and The Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss (?), then I'd recommend it. I'm not implying you're a "chick", Evo! Judging by the manner in which you present yourself, you're a downright lady!
But, yeah, the idea of treating "bad behavior" (i.e. breaking up, getting mad, etc.) with disinterest is well understood. Women like to think they devastate us men. Even if they don't like the guy, they hate the idea that we wouldn't be destroyed by them leaving.
That said, I'm not into games with girls I really like. However, I will certainly wait a bit. A week or two, anyway.
Yeah, well, I happened to see her online today on the dating website we met on. So, maybe ill give it some more time. We had a genuine connection, so maybe I'll wait until she has a bad date or two.
I'm willing to be the Tank Turner from My Best Friend's Girl played by Dane Cook. I'll go out with her and she'll come running to you :biggrin:
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 09:50 PM
I'm willing to be the Tank Turner from My Best Friend's Girl played by Dane Cook. I'll go out with her and she'll come running to you :biggrin:
Hah! Gesture appreciated but not necessary.
As it turns out, I can get in touch with Harriet. It'll be one-way since its on the same dating website. I was thinking of letting her win. It's a totally asymetric power relationship, and I need to get on her good side just to get a shot at Melissa.
Like someone said before... nothing to lose. I was thinking of just apologizing. I know its not attractive. I know it shows weakness. I know it could backfire. But... this is the first girl in a long time that I feel is worth it.
I was thinking of this:
"Harriet, Melissa tells me that I upset you during our date. I'm really sorry about that. I was nervous with the two of you there and trying really hard to make a good first impression on you both. Somewhere along the way my nerves got the better of me and I behaved in a manner unbefitting a guy dating you best friend.
I know how valuable your opinion is to her, and I was hoping that if I extended this apology you might encourage her to give me a chance at another date. Furthermore, I want you to know that I see how close you two are and I would respect your friendship.
Sincerely,
Flex"
DUDE
DO NOT APOLOGIZE
Jebus crap are you kidding me?! You need to put her back in her place or she will do this to someone again. Man I wish I was in your place when this went down.. !! *blood temperature rising*
If you send that to her, you will lose any respect she may or most likely did not have for you
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 10:03 PM
Its not that simple! I've dated plenty of girls that I didn't give a **** about. Well, here's a counter-example. Its like flying the shuttle into space on a tether pulled by a grumpy old man. I'm going to have to listen to stories about penny-candy to get into orbit whether I like it or not. Is it optimal? Of course not!
I just have to get my foot in the door. I'm a door-to-door vacuum salseman. The important part isn't the greeting, its the sales pitch that comes next. Once I'm in the door, I can be Flex again. But if I don't play the game right, I'll never get inside.
DaveC426913
Dec6-10, 10:06 PM
You need to put her back in her place...
And again. This is the way to lead a well-adjusted life... :rolleyes:
If I wrote this in a story, they'd accuse me of filling it with character cliches.
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 10:12 PM
Not to hijack the thread... but any thoughts on the note? I don't mind help. I'm putting the question out there because I respect the community.
If you do decide to send the apology, just know it's a Hail Mary pass (lol, no pun intended). I'd give it about a 10% chance of working.
But it seems the path you're on now is close to a 0% chance of working, so what do you have to lose?
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 10:37 PM
If you do decide to send the apology, just know it's a Hail Mary pass (lol, no pun intended). I'd give it about a 10% chance of working.
But it seems the path you're on now is close to a 0% chance of working, so what do you have to lose?
Lisa, that is EXACTLY how I feel. And, if it doesn't work, I'll probably kick myself afterwards for trading my self-respect for a 10% chance at a girl I only think I know.
Still... it seems worth it.
FlexGunship
Dec6-10, 10:40 PM
Besides... Ivan will have plenty of ammo next time we butt heads. <looks into the aether> I know you're watching, Ivan.
(When Ivan reads your posts it feels like a sneeze that you can't quite get out.)
EDIT: I hope its clear that I meant that in good fun.
FlexGunship
Dec7-10, 11:58 AM
Well, I tried the "Hair Mary" play. I got a response, but nothing good. I wish she could've at least been mean to me or something. You know? Oh well.
JaredJames
Dec7-10, 12:02 PM
Well, I tried the "Hair Mary" play. I got a response, but nothing good. I wish she could've at least been mean to me or something. You know? Oh well.
Was it all Harriets fault? Or was there some other reason?
FlexGunship
Dec7-10, 12:03 PM
Was it all Harriets fault? Or was there some other reason?
She said: "Thanks for the note. I don't think we can see each other again."
So, I don't know.
Dembadon
Dec7-10, 12:30 PM
She said: "Thanks for the note. I don't think we can see each other again."
So, I don't know.
Flex, I'd be open to the possibility that Mary has already decided that she isn't interested in a relationship with you right now and doesn't know how to tell you.
[Overly-speculative opinion]
This whole situation is beginning to reek of high school, passive-aggressive games. I think Mary lied to you about it being Harriet's fault that you two can't date each other, and I think Harriet is avoiding you because she's afraid of an interrogation that would expose their game. It's easier for Mary to chuck the blame for rejecting you onto someone with whom you won't communicate, that way, she can feel guilt-free when you two text/talk/etc.
[/Overly-speculative opinion]
FlexGunship
Dec7-10, 01:27 PM
Yeah. I guess it could be. It just can't figure out why the act needed to be carried so far? Why bother tell me I'm a good kisser the night of our date? Why plan more dates? Why ask for another picture two days later?
Frankly, it's ****ed. I don't know what else to say. I just hate the whole idea that I can meet someone, share such a crazy connection, have such a good time... and just have it be a trick or a game.
Dembadon
Dec7-10, 01:36 PM
Yeah. I guess it could be. It just can't figure out why the act needed to be carried so far? Why bother tell me I'm a good kisser the night of our date? Why plan more dates? Why ask for another picture two days later?
Frankly, it's ****ed. I don't know what else to say. I just hate the whole idea that I can meet someone, share such a crazy connection, have such a good time... and just have it be a trick or a game.
Please, don't take my observations/opinions as facts in this specific situation, but keep them in mind while this thing plays out. I mentioned the possibility of game-playing in this situation because it's strikingly similar to what I've seen in the past. I see patterns, not verifiable evidence.
Hopefully I'm wrong and things will work out someday.
FlexGunship
Dec7-10, 02:04 PM
Please, don't take my observations/opinions as facts in this specific situation, but keep them in mind while this thing plays out. I mentioned the possibility of game-playing in this situation because it's strikingly similar to what I've seen in the past. I see patterns, not verifiable evidence.
Hopefully I'm wrong and things will work out someday.
Meh, it seems to be the best explanation at this point. Maybe it makes me feel really vulnerable. I can usually read people, maybe this is proof that I can't and that I can be totally dead wrong.
Dembadon
Dec7-10, 02:06 PM
I want to clarify something else.
I'm not using the word "game" to imply that two people would premeditate some elaborate scheme strictly for their own amusement. I use it in the sense that when someone hasn't learned healthy techniques for communication/confrontation, they'll resort to methods (games) to avoid having to deal with situations in which they're unfamiliar with handling appropriately. In that sense, the game is a defense mechanism, not something that is set up beforehand for amusement.
Sounds like something happened on that date that you did not catch or realize... the friend got a bad vibe off of you and the girl is going to trust her opinion. You will reek of desperation and border on the creepy if you make a plea to the friend.
Easy come, easy go. Time to move on.
Have you considered asking Harriet for a date?
Or would that be too much of a passive-agressive response to Mary?
FlexGunship
Dec7-10, 03:20 PM
Easy come, easy go. Time to move on.
Have you considered asking Harriet for a date?
Or would that be too much of a passive-agressive response to Mary?
Hah, not playing that game. She's not my type.
Ivan Seeking
Dec7-10, 09:25 PM
http://www.themodernjeweler.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/papa-evil-eye.jpg
DaveC426913
Dec7-10, 09:28 PM
Awesome pic!
I guess I should say I told you so :wink:. It didn't work!.
Now, you can finally move on knowing that this situation with those two girls is just a headache.
FlexGunship
Dec8-10, 08:26 AM
http://www.themodernjeweler.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/papa-evil-eye.jpg
That can't be you Ivan. (1) The hosting site is about jewelry, and (2) the guy in that picture could've given the stink eye to the German Empire and ended WWI in 1914. (Might have been able to avert the War of 1812, too.)
I guess I should say I told you so :wink:. It didn't work!.
Now, you can finally move on knowing that this situation with those two girls is just a headache.
Yeah... I suppose the situation has come to a close. This would be an awesome time for someone to say something reassuring that's not religious or predestination related.
JaredJames
Dec8-10, 08:32 AM
That can't be you Ivan.
If I had to put a name to that pic, I'd say DaveC, based on the avatar.
FlexGunship
Dec8-10, 09:52 AM
If I had to put a name to that pic, I'd say DaveC, based on the avatar.
I'd say Nostradamus.
Ivan Seeking
Dec8-10, 09:59 AM
He is about the right age, young whippersnapper, and the beard looks about right [were I to let mine grow].
His left eye looks exactly like mine.
FlexGunship
Dec8-10, 10:44 AM
He is about the right age, young whippersnapper, and the beard looks about right [were I to let mine grow].
His left eye looks exactly like mine.
I see your jeweler and raise you a James Randi!
http://www.randi.org/site/images/stories/randilibrary.jpg
Ultimately the reason I dumped him was because being a soccer player, every inch of his body was hard as stone, it was creepy, he didn't feel human, I felt like I was touching a statue. He was too physically fit.
You are the first I hear to complain that a man is too physically fit. Whats wrong with a warm stone ? :P
DaveC426913
Dec8-10, 08:51 PM
You are the first I hear to complain that a man is too physically fit.
Yeppers. Evo, then you're gonna go all nuts over me...
How you doin'... :devil:
GeorginaS
Dec8-10, 10:35 PM
That can't be you Ivan.
Of course it's not Ivan. It's Santa Claus. Duh!
Something that's not religious and whatnot but reassuring. Well, okay. [As an aside, I think I'll call you Harold, because addressing you as "Flex" when I'm trying to be serious is difficult.]
Harold, you're obviously an intelligent fellow. You're articulate, and you have a good sense of humour. If your pictures are any indication, you're an attractive guy too. It seems to me that you've pretty much got it all going for you. I think you're kind of aware of that.
So here's the deal: stuff like the incident that just happened to you, simply does. No rhyme or reason or body-count in the end. It just does. It's called "life happening". Most of us here have had similar situations happen. Some of us have had worse. Meh. It's part of the ride. I don't know any other way to explain it save to say it may suck right now, but it's so very, very temporary that you'll marvel one day that you even gave it as much attention as this thread.
I know you didn't understand my reference to the situation being humourous, but, again, the long view gives you that. Live life. All of it. That's point-blank serious. Savour each and every flavour and nuance offered to you as you wander through this. Some of it's going to be bitter, some of it's going to be luscious, and if you have the presence of mind to value all of it for the sheer experience it is, you'll have lived life well.
Edited to add: And no. There is no "predestined" stuff. There's no Grand Scheme or Plan for each of us. This is it, as it comes. And it's big and sloppy and messy and sometimes astoundingly, painfully sad and sometimes it's so joyful that you don't think you can stand it. There's no road map, no instruction book, and no one's steering the bobsled. Every inch of it is totally worth it.
That's all I've got, Harold. You'll be fine. You'll even be better one day.
FlexGunship
Dec8-10, 10:57 PM
Heh, thanks Georgina. That was both comfortingly sincere, and sincerely comforting.
And I'm Shawn, not Harold.
mugaliens
Dec9-10, 12:41 AM
The Explosion:
A half hour or so goes by, and Mary leans in for a kiss. We kiss (just a peck, I swear) and Harriet loses her cool. She [I]yells
While your date wasn't the drama queen, she continues to tolerate it in her friend, which means that if things developed, you'd have to deal with her friend for life. I'd dump 'em both, Flex, as I don't do drama.
Up to you, though.
JaredJames
Dec9-10, 03:49 AM
While your date wasn't the drama queen, she continues to tolerate it in her friend, which means that if things developed, you'd have to deal with her friend for life. I'd dump 'em both, Flex, as I don't do drama.
Up to you, though.
You're a little bit out of the loop here mugs.
All over I'm afraid.
FlexGunship
Dec9-10, 05:56 AM
While your date wasn't the drama queen, she continues to tolerate it in her friend, which means that if things developed, you'd have to deal with her friend for life. I'd dump 'em both, Flex, as I don't do drama.
Up to you, though.
GOOD ADVICE, MUG!!! I'M TAKING IT!!!
(everyone, shhhhhhhh)
Of course it's not Ivan. It's Santa Claus. Duh!
Something that's not religious and whatnot but reassuring. Well, okay. [As an aside, I think I'll call you Harold, because addressing you as "Flex" when I'm trying to be serious is difficult.]
Harold, you're obviously an intelligent fellow. You're articulate, and you have a good sense of humour. If your pictures are any indication, you're an attractive guy too. It seems to me that you've pretty much got it all going for you. I think you're kind of aware of that.
So here's the deal: stuff like the incident that just happened to you, simply does. No rhyme or reason or body-count in the end. It just does. It's called "life happening". Most of us here have had similar situations happen. Some of us have had worse. Meh. It's part of the ride. I don't know any other way to explain it save to say it may suck right now, but it's so very, very temporary that you'll marvel one day that you even gave it as much attention as this thread.
I know you didn't understand my reference to the situation being humourous, but, again, the long view gives you that. Live life. All of it. That's point-blank serious. Savour each and every flavour and nuance offered to you as you wander through this. Some of it's going to be bitter, some of it's going to be luscious, and if you have the presence of mind to value all of it for the sheer experience it is, you'll have lived life well.
Edited to add: And no. There is no "predestined" stuff. There's no Grand Scheme or Plan for each of us. This is it, as it comes. And it's big and sloppy and messy and sometimes astoundingly, painfully sad and sometimes it's so joyful that you don't think you can stand it. There's no road map, no instruction book, and no one's steering the bobsled. Every inch of it is totally worth it.
That's all I've got, Harold. You'll be fine. You'll even be better one day.
Lovely post, Georgina!
GeorginaS
Dec9-10, 08:00 PM
Lovely post, Georgina!
And that is precisely why you're the reigning Queen of Super Terrific People.
vBulletin® v3.8.7, Copyright ©2000-2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.