Might throw in the towel on my social life

[Edin_Dzeko]

Guys I'm not antisocial or anything. Neither I'm I afraid of people. But I'm in a situation where I have no choice but to just say screw it and stop making friends and stuff like that (not forever though). The problem is, friends want to go out and hangout and invite one another to their party and such. Aside from the kids at my church because I go to church every Sunday and see them, during the days of the week I'm ALWAYS baby sitting (2 and 9 year old) so I'm inside ALL DAY. And my parents wont let me go out. They send me out to the store to buy things or run errands but I cant walk up to dad/mom and say "I'm going to my friend so and so's house" they just wont let me. I'd have to lie that I'm doing something school related to get out the house. But I don't like that.

Even on days when they are not working and they are at home and I'm not baby sitting I can't go out. When I was younger (junior high school) this really used to bother me a lot. But as I got older I got used to it and started to just go along with it and now I don't mind staying at home. In fact there are times I would rather stay home than go out. Ex, we got some serious snow and my neighbor asked if we wanted to have a snowball fight after shoveling. I said naaa and rather opted to stay in to mess around on the internet and catch a soccer match.

So my problem isn't that I can't talk to people. Because I CAN. I've had two girlfriends. And when I went to college I was able to walk up to a girl I found attractive and talk to with no problem. I got a few numbers actually. :smile: . I'm considering being antisocial because I'm sick of friends asking hey wanna hang out and I always have to make up excuses because the idea that an 18 year old's parents wont let him out the house wont sit too easy with my peers. So unless a friend goes to my church where I see them every Sunday then the friendship will be reduced to an over the phone or chatting online type of friendship. I've just had enough of that. I really hurt a female friend of mine last year. She invited me somewhere and I didn't want to tell her that because of my parents I can't come so I had to lie and make it seem as if I have the permission from my parents to go where ever I want I just didn't want to come to the particular event she invited me to. :frown:.

So as you can see, for now I just gotta stay inside and practice the piano, study and work out. And just pray that hopefully by senior year of college my parents allow me a bit more freedom. If not, I guess I have to wait to get a job and work and live on my own to be able to start making friends again and look to pursue romantic relations with the opposite sex. For now I just don't see that working out.

As for my friends I already have, I'm starting to not talk to them as much. Ex, where as before we'd talk all the time and chat, my plan now is to send them a text every now and then asking how they're doing. I don't want to talk to them regularly and hear about them going out to do this or that. That just is like a rub in my face. So I'm done with friends, girls and socializing.

Offer your thoughts and suggestions. Thanks

[Evo]

You're 18? You're legally an adult in any country I can think of. What country do you live in? Are you allowing your parents to do this to you because they will cut you off if you try to partake in healthy, positive, relationships with people your age?

We will need more information to understand what has brought you to this point in your life.

[Galteeth]

This post has made me very curious. What is the reason your parents don't allow you to go out socially? And how did you have girlfriends with these restrictions? Could they come over to your house?

[Pengwuino]

Your parents are crazy. You are an adult. Get a job and move out. Being trapped in a house is far worse than having to get a job. It sounds like they're treating you more like a pet than a human.

[Edin_Dzeko]

You're 18? You're legally an adult in any country I can think of. What country do you live in? Are you allowing your parents to do this to you because they will cut you off if you try to partake in healthy, positive, relationships with people your age? - evo

I'm in the USA. And yes I'm an adult but I don't believe age is what makes one an adult or a "man". And I'm not the rebellious type to argue or fight with my parents over something like this. I always just go with what they say. I came from another country so I was brought up a bit differently so that ties into it also. It's not that they don't want me to not partake in healthy relationships with me peers. Heck Dad wants me to have a girl in mind for marriage before the age of 30. And he feels that by 25 even if I'm still in school and not married I should at least have someone (dating/courting) that I know after school this is the one I'll marry. In fact he himself made a recommendation for one girl and told me to study her and think about it. This isn't a punishment or anything. My parent's themselves not that they are outcast' but they just don't really like to go out. Aside from work or church they are not the type to say we are going to go visit our friend so and so. But they do have friends. They prefer us all to be together at home eating and watching movies as a fam. So for Thanksgiving we don't go out to our other relatives' house. We stopped that. Just mom, dad, my siblings and I we stay home and everyone tells mom the dish they want and she makes it. We eat and watch movies. And they always tell us concerning friends, "how often do you see us say we're going to friends house?" so they sort of want us to be the same. It's not forced or anything.

We will need more information to understand what has brought you to this point in your life. - evo

Well my whole life since I came to America is pretty much school, come home, church, repeat. After school is done my friendships are also done unless of course my friends are willing to just chat or talk over the phone. If not, it's pretty much bye-bye. Now for my close female friend that I mentioned. I met her at a choir convention. Different choirs from different states. She's in a state not too far from mine. She's in the neighboring state. And the borough that I live in my state is literally just minutes (by car) to get into her state. But like I said because of the strict rule, I can't go and visit. I've never had a best friend before.

[Topher925]

You're not making any sense. You say you have had girlfriends before but your parents wont let you have a social life? Do you know what a "girlfriend" is or that they require a large social commitment?

It sounds to me like your parents are controlling and just plain nutz. I think its time for you to leave the nest. And why are you babysitting all the time? Is this a job?

[Evo]

They prefer us all to be together at home eating and watching movies as a fam. So for Thanksgiving we don't go out to our other relatives' house. We stopped that. Just mom, dad, my siblings and I we stay home and everyone tells mom the dish they want and she makes it. We eat and watch movies. And they always tell us concerning friends, "how often do you see us say we're going to friends house?" so they sort of want us to be the same. It's not forced or anything. Do you have relatives nearby that know about this? If you're willing to go along with the mental and emotional issues going on, then why are you posting here? I can only go by what you've said and it sounds very unhealthy where children are concerned.

But like I said because of the strict rule, I can't go and visit. I've never had a best friend before.Is it a strict rule with repercussions or "it's not forced or anything". Which is it? If you told your parents, "I love you but I'm not going to cut myself off from the world and I'm going to have a normal life outside of the house", what would happen? What is it that you are afraid of that compelled you to ask for help here?

Also, the quote button is in the bottom right hand corner.

[Edin_Dzeko]

This post has made me very curious. What is the reason your parents don't allow you to go out socially? And how did you have girlfriends with these restrictions? Could they come over to your house?


Well my first girlfriend attended my church. So I saw her every Sunday when I went to church. Aside from that it was phone or e-mail during the weekday. She was also in the choir which I also am a member so when we had practice during the weekday I would see her. But she cheated. How much can a boyfriend/girlfriend do every Sunday? Plus we're in church so it's hard to do things without feeling guilty. But yeah that ended because of the cheating.

Second girl, met her on Myspace. She was a freshman who was going to start at my high school. Met her like a week before school. Exchanged numbers we met the day we were supposed to pick up our program cards. So we met in person. Just to see how much justice the pics did. Then after that we talked on the phone. And when school started after school we'd hang around school for like 15 mins after school ended and just talk. After I asked her out and we became boyfriend and girlfriend every time she would ask if I want to go with her to this or that I would blow her off and say I'm busy and after about 2 weeks I got a message in my Myspace inbox saying she's breaking up with me :cool:
Parent's didn't know about second girl. But on days where I would be home a little late after school and mom would ask I'd tell her I had to stay back to finish work or do a project. And she was pregnant so she used to go to the hospital at that time so sometimes she wasn't home after school anyway.

eh, I don't even bring guy friends over to my house so imagine the girlfriends :rofl:

I'm not exactly sure the reason they don't let me go out for my own pleasure (hang out with friends or go to parties). It's been about 5 years since I moved into the borough I live in now and aside from my neighborhood I don't know anywhere else in this place.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Your parents are crazy. You are an adult. Get a job and move out. Being trapped in a house is far worse than having to get a job. It sounds like they're treating you more like a pet than a human.

Lol. I'm not an adult. lol. You just don't understand.

As for getting a job dad wont let me work. He feel that once you start making money it'll be a distraction to school and you will focus more on the money than school. We've tried summer after summer with mom to convince him but nothing ever changes and so I'm done with trying to get a job right now.

[Galteeth]

Lol. I'm not an adult. lol. .

Agreed.

Are your parents very religious? What country did you come from?

[Edin_Dzeko]

You're not making any sense. You say you have had girlfriends before but your parents wont let you have a social life? Do you know what a "girlfriend" is or that they require a large social commitment?

It sounds to me like your parents are controlling and just plain nutz. I think its time for you to leave the nest. And why are you babysitting all the time? Is this a job?

Read the girlfriend explanation in one of my other post on this thread. You'll understand how that worked out.

I'm not saying my parents wont let me have a social life. They put me in a situation where I can't have one. I have a cell phone (an i-phone). It's just that I can't bring friends over, I can't go to see friends, I can't go to parties. The only parties i've been to I went with my parents. It's not what you think. It's a party like let's say someone's 50th birthday then all the kids and adults go. Or a barbercue which both kids and adults go to together. That kind of party. It's not a keg party with beer pong or anything.
And there are friends from church that my parents know I'm friends with. I had two come and visit. But they came with an adult. And my parents were also home. If I say I'm going to go visit my friend they'll ask like "do you see us saying we're going to go visit our friends?" "you don't need that friends friends lifestyle" there's no punishment or anything but their response will make you figure out that the answer is a big NO!

Like I said the way I was raised and due to my beliefs I don't like the idea of just leaving and saying since you wont let me do what I want I'm out of here. That's not good. I'm a kid and I don't know any better. I'm under their guidance at the moment. It's just something I have to bare and deal with. Are my parents controlling? Yes yes they are.

And I'm baby sitting my siblings. Both parents work. And work around the same hours. It's a little sacrifice that I have to pay. Why let my parents pay money for a baby sitter when I'm at home and I can babysit? Get me? I don't see it as a job or really baby sitting. But it's just more like staying at home with my siblings.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Agreed.

Are your parents very religious? What country did you come from?

Yes they are and so I'm I. I'm a Christian (Methodist). And I'm African. I'm from a country in West Africa.

[Galteeth]

Do you live in a "bad" neighborhood?

[stevenb]

Offer your thoughts and suggestions. Thanks

You mentioned church a few times in the thread. Have you thought about talking to the leader of your church? He/she would possibly be in a better position to understand and to help you.

[Topher925]

Well my first girlfriend time I talked to a girl she attended....

I hate to break this to you but talking to a girl at church or just 15 minutes after school is not a relationship that can be qualified as a "girlfriend". What you have had is just acquaintances, perhaps with some romantic intentions.

I think you should seriously consider stepping out into the world. You've obviously been living in this bubble your parents have created for you. Just talk to them and let them know you're not a pet and need to have a social life if you plan on going anywhere in this world.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Do you have relatives nearby that know about this? If you're willing to go along with the mental and emotional issues going on, then why are you posting here? I can only go by what you've said and it sounds very unhealthy where children are concerned.

Is it a strict rule with repercussions or "it's not forced or anything". Which is it? If you told your parents, "I love you but I'm not going to cut myself off from the world and I'm going to have a normal life outside of the house", what would happen? What is it that you are afraid of that compelled you to ask for help here?

Also, the quote button is in the bottom right hand corner.

Oh ok I see. You got it mixed up. I was asking you guys. Because my parents wont let me go and see friends and let them come visit. I feel that it's pointless making friends. So I was asking you guys do you think it's a good idea to stop socializing? Ex, what's the point of making friends if I can't bring 'em home or go hang out with them. As a result I'll stay home all the time and study 'til I'm older. Get it? See how some people don't go out at all and just stay home studying? They don't go out because they choose not to. Ex, if they wanted to go visit a friend or go to a party they just say mom I'm going to my friend so and so's house and mom would say ok. I have a friend in school who says when she went back home from college after the first month her dad said she can now go out and come in at whatever time she wanted because she's an adult now. Whereas with me if I go out and I'm not in by 6 my folks will keep calling and calling and calling. Get it?

This thread isn't that I'm not healthy or I'm abused. No no no. It's not like that at all. It's just I feel like since I can't go visit my friends, go to their parties and stuff they invite me to I just don't think it's even worth it to make and maintain friends anymore. I was just thinking about staying in and studying all day 'til I got older and started living on my own. At that time I can go out and hang out with whoever I please. Get me now? That's what I wanted from you guys. What are you thoughts on that?

[lisab]

What might your parents think if you asked to attend church activities for young adults? Most churches offer clubs, etc.

It would allow you to socialize in an atmosphere your parents find acceptable.

[Galteeth]

Oh ok I see. You got it mixed up. I was asking you guys. Because my parents wont let me go and see friends and let them come visit. I feel that it's pointless making friends. So I was asking you guys do you think it's a good idea to stop socializing? Ex, what's the point of making friends if I can't bring 'em home or go hang out with them. As a result I'll stay home all the time and study 'til I'm older. Get it? See how some people don't go out at all and just stay home studying? They don't go out because they choose not to. Ex, if they wanted to go visit a friend or go to a party they just say mom I'm going to my friend so and so's house and mom would say ok. I have a friend in school who says when she went back home from college after the first month her dad said she can now go out and come in at whatever time she wanted because she's an adult now. Whereas with me if I go out and I'm not in by 6 my folks will keep calling and calling and calling. Get it?

This thread isn't that I'm not healthy or I'm abused. No no no. It's not like that at all. It's just I feel like since I can't go visit my friends, go to their parties and stuff they invite me to I just don't think it's even worth it to make and maintain friends anymore. I was just thinking about staying in and studying all day 'til I got older and started living on my own. At that time I can go out and hang out with whoever I please. Get me now? That's what I wanted from you guys. What are you thoughts on that?

Well, first off, I think StevenB's advice is good. Secondly, maybe there are some college groups or church/charity groups you could join that would give you a means of social interaction. It's obvious you're basically ok with your living situation. The negative reactions you're getting here are probably partly because, from our western cultural perspective, your situation sounds bad. But we are not you, and we do not necessarily understand your culture. I do think, however, "giving up" on social interaction is a bad idea. Ultimately, you will not have your parents to take care of you and make all your decisions for you forever. Part of learning how to live in the world means learning how to interact with people.
It might be a good idea to have a frank discussion with your parents, since reading between the lines, although you're not devastated by the situation, you are frustrated. Perhaps if you understood their motivations better, it would help inform your decisions. It sounds like you are not totally clear on why they have these rules.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Do you live in a "bad" neighborhood?

that's why we moved here in the first place. In our old house I understood not going out. But here where it's supposedly much "safer" they're still the same. That's why I brought up the baby sitting because I feel that maybe that's why. If it was just my older brother and I then maybe they might be a bit different with the issue.

[Edin_Dzeko]

What might your parents think if you asked to attend church activities for young adults? Most churches offer clubs, etc.

It would allow you to socialize in an atmosphere your parents find acceptable.

I live far from the church. The youth in my church have a bad reputation so dad doesn't even want me to join it. They don't do much activities in my church for young adults (don't remember the last time they did anything to tell you the truth). But like I said I'm in the choir and we go to a convention EVERY YEAR and I've gotten quite a handful of numbers from female teenage choiristers. Those kind of girls they live in another state so there's no pressure as to "let's go hang out" or "lets meet up here for this or that". we can keep the friendship over the phone or through e-mail until we meet again the following year.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Well, first off, I think StevenB's advice is good. Secondly, maybe there are some college groups or church/charity groups you could join that would give you a means of social interaction. It's obvious you're basically ok with your living situation. The negative reactions you're getting here are probably partly because, from our western cultural perspective, your situation sounds bad. But we are not you, and we do not necessarily understand your culture. I do think, however, "giving up" on social interaction is a bad idea. Ultimately, you will not have your parents to take care of you and make all your decisions for you forever. Part of learning how to live in the world means learning how to interact with people.
It might be a good idea to have a frank discussion with your parents, since reading between the lines, although you're not devastated by the situation, you are frustrated. Perhaps if you understood their motivations better, it would help inform your decisions. It sounds like you are not totally clear on why they have these rules.

now we are getting somewhere. That's the kind of thoughts I wanted to hear from you guys.
You say that it'll be a bad idea to give up social interaction but I feel like having a friendship is pointless because they are always asking to hang out or meet up or come to a party or this or that. And I'm tired of disappointing them. I've come to accept not going out much and staying in most of the time. But it's when I make friends and they ask for us to meet or hang out and I'm always turning them down and they're asking why don't you ever hang out with us. that's what creates the problem and led to me making this thread.

For instance I have a female friend I'm really close with. Though she tries to brush it off she's made it quite obvious she'd like to see me again soon. After we met and I got her number we haven't seen each other again since (she lives in another state just minutes away). It's been about 3-5 years since we saw each other physically. Skype and sending picture back and forth did gave us a little grace. At the moment if she invites me somewhere I'll have to turn her down and I don't want her to know that it's because of my parents. So I'll have to make up a bunch of baloney. I don't want her to ask me to like some gathering or event and I have to keep lying and turning her down. You get me? I feel like it's pointless and what girl our age would be just interested in keeping her relationship with someone just over the phone? Especially since it's possible to see each other. It's not like we live in different countries. We are just separated by a bridge/tunnel. There's a public transit bus that goes from my state to hers. Get it?

Just tired of hearing the "how come you never go out?" "why didn't you come to so and so's party" and I don't want to say my parents would let me come would get laughed at. I'm fine now with not going out. Like I said I have enough entertainment to satisfy myself at home but it's the friends I make that make me feel bad for not going out. I don't want to hear about some party that I couldn't go to or be given a hard time for not coming to some event. If I weren't friends with anyone or kept to myself that wouldn't be a problem. No friends to tell me I never come out and I'm inside all day. Get me now?

[Pengwuino]

Lol. I'm not an adult. lol. You just don't understand.


You're right, you're not an adult. And you will never be an adult. Your parents control your life and will continue to do so after college. As said before, those weren't girlfriends either. You don't have a social life. You're 100% heading down the path of being alone the rest of your life at home until your parents pass away and then you won't know what to do with your life.

You're saying a bunch of nonsensical such as


I'm not saying my parents wont let me have a social life. They put me in a situation where I can't have one.

That's like saying "It's not that being in a federal penitentiary is preventing me from traveling the world, it's just put me in a situation where i can't". And just so you know, these girls who you meet with once a year or whatever, they most likely have actual boyfriends at home and your friendship is meaningless to them.

Go out and have an actual life. Remember, being a shut in that does nothing for the rest of his life and going out and playing beer pong and getting blackout drunk nightly with people are the extremes in life. There's a whole universe in between.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Go out and have an actual life. Remember, being a shut in that does nothing for the rest of his life and going out and playing beer pong and getting blackout drunk nightly with people are the extremes in life. There's a whole universe in between.


I get what you're saying. But also try and understand me to some extent. What about kids who CHOOSE NOT to go outside? They are antisocial because nothing interest them and all they care about is school work? They feel there will be time for socializing later on in life. When there have their respective titles in their field of choice? That's something similar to what I'm trying to aim for now. Just focus on school and stay home.

[Pengwuino]

I get what you're saying. But also try and understand me to some extent. What about kids who CHOOSE NOT to go outside? They are antisocial because nothing interest them and all they care about is school work? They feel there will be time for socializing later on in life. When there have their respective titles in their field of choice? That's something similar to what I'm trying to aim for now. Just focus on school and stay home.

Nope. Doesn't happen. People who do something for 30-40 years (in this case, not be social) don't really decide to all of a sudden do a 180 on command. You don't even know HOW to socialize, so when you have your career going, you won't be able to anyways.

Oh and by the way, once you have a career, you're gonna decide "once I'm retired, I'll start socializing". Then, well, no. If you end up having kids and actually do get married, don't even try to fool yourself that you'll have a social life at that point either.

And keep in mind, very very very few people who have 0 social skills get anywhere in their fields unless they have incredible talent.

[Evo]

I get what you're saying. But also try and understand me to some extent. What about kids who CHOOSE NOT to go outside? They are antisocial because nothing interest them and all they care about is school work? They feel there will be time for socializing later on in life. When there have their respective titles in their field of choice? That's something similar to what I'm trying to aim for now. Just focus on school and stay home.Then why are you on here? You've decided that you're ok staying at home and not socializing. You've said you aren't willing to change anything. You're done, you've answered your own question.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Nope. Doesn't happen. People who do something for 30-40 years (in this case, not be social) don't really decide to all of a sudden do a 180 on command. You don't even know HOW to socialize, so when you have your career going, you won't be able to anyways.

Oh and by the way, once you have a career, you're gonna decide "once I'm retired, I'll start socializing". Then, well, no. If you end up having kids and actually do get married, don't even try to fool yourself that you'll have a social life at that point either.

And keep in mind, very very very few people who have 0 social skills get anywhere in their fields unless they have incredible talent.

that's also why I created this thread. Remember what I said that I've had "girlfriends" before in the past. Obviously I don't suffer from low self esteem and I don't act weird towards the opposite sex. I can talk to people easily and make friends easily also. But by throwing in the towel and not socializing for a bit do you think I'll lose my social skills? I mean 6 years from now the concept of being confident and walking up to a girl and starting a convo's not going to change is it?

[Galteeth]

that's also why I created this thread. Remember what I said that I've had "girlfriends" before in the past. Obviously I don't suffer from low self esteem and I don't act weird towards the opposite sex. I can talk to people easily and make friends easily also. But by throwing in the towel and not socializing for a bit do you think I'll lose my social skills? I mean 6 years from now the concept of being confident and walking up to a girl and starting a convo's not going to change is it?

You might not have a problem with that. Where you'll be lacking is everything that comes after that. How to bond with someone. Establish appropriate boundaries. Judge character. Deal with disagreements. Understand what differences are ok and what are deal breakers. All the stuff beyond the surface level interaction.

[lisab]

You might not have a problem with that. Where you'll be lacking is everything that comes after that. How to bond with someone. Establish appropriate boundaries. Judge character. Deal with disagreements. Understand what differences are ok and what are deal breakers. All the stuff beyond the surface level interaction.

I agree with this.

Imagine you decided you weren't going to read or write. Six years later, you'd remember the mechanics of it. But you'd write a lousy essay.

[Evo]

that's also why I created this thread. Remember what I said that I've had "girlfriends" before in the past.No you had aquaintances.

Well my first girlfriend attended my church. So I saw her every Sunday when I went to church. Aside from that it was phone or e-mail during the weekday. She was also in the choir which I also am a member so when we had practice during the weekday I would see her. But she cheated. How much can a boyfriend/girlfriend do every Sunday? Plus we're in church so it's hard to do things without feeling guilty. But yeah that ended because of the cheating. That's an aquaintance, and the fact that you can't leave home prevented any change of a relationship developing..

Second girl, met her on Myspace. She was a freshman who was going to start at my high school. Met her like a week before school. Exchanged numbers we met the day we were supposed to pick up our program cards. So we met in person. Just to see how much justice the pics did. Then after that we talked on the phone. And when school started after school we'd hang around school for like 15 mins after school ended and just talk. After I asked her out and we became boyfriend and girlfriend every time she would ask if I want to go with her to this or that I would blow her off and say I'm busy and after about 2 weeks I got a message in my Myspace inbox saying she's breaking up with meTwo weeks is an aquaintance.

You do not know what a real life socially interactive relationship with someone of the opposite sex is. You're only 18, so not a big issue yet.

Your dad tells you to zero in on someone to marry in the future, tells you to think about some girl who's information he gives you. Unhealthy.

[Mandark]

I think you'll be unhappy if you start cutting off your friendships, so I wouldn't recommend that. Some of my good friends I only interact with at university, and that's a perfectly fine level of interaction which we're mutually happy with.

When your friends invite you to events politely decline, tell them you're not the outgoing sort. Good friends should be understanding enough to not pressure you incessantly. I have friends who choose not to go to the events my friends organize and that's OK (even if I would've liked it if they did.)

In the long run if you're not satisfied with this arrangement you'll need to negotiate with your parents.

[Pengwuino]

Trust us on this. You can't see the forest from the tree. You have not even had the chance to find out that you have no advanced social skills. The fact that you can't let yourself go hang out with people or the girls you like is the sign of a deficiency in your social skills. Being able to progress your life beyond what your parents demand of you is a skill you acquire.

As far as girls go, I must regurgitate what everyone else is telling you. I've had girlfriend where we only exchanged pics and talked online. Then I turned 14. What you are doing and what those girls are to you is on the level of elementary and junior high children. Have you ever seen a movie with a girl? made out with her? Spent the night (forget sex, just being in the same house as her) with one?

[DanP]

Read the girlfriend explanation in one of my other post on this thread. You'll understand how that worked out.

I'm not saying my parents wont let me have a social life. They put me in a situation where I can't have one. I have a cell phone (an i-phone). It's just that I can't bring friends over, I can't go to see friends, I can't go to parties. The only parties i've been to I went with my parents.

Leave before they destroy your life. Make a living and never look back.

[JaredJames]

Try to separate when you consider yourself to be an adult and when you are legally an adult.

At 18 (or whatever the age is where you are), you are legally an adult and can leave home, get a job, have your own life and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Whether or not you consider yourself an adult is irrelevant. Doing the above would be a major step towards becoming what you consider an adult and developing your social skills at the same time (I don't know many jobs which isolate you from others).

[Pyrrhus]

This is a tough one to answer, but consider this You are throwing the towel on what? You have no social life. Obviously, you wish you did or you wouldn't come here and complain.

[chronon]

You're uncomfortable because you have to lie to your friends about your parents. I think that starting to tell the truth is much better than getting rid of your friends. Which is better: to be thought of as the guy with the really weird parents or as the really weird guy who shuns everyone? (Even in the latter case you will still see others hanging out, going to parties etc.)

You also need to be truthful with your parents - and this may well involve telling them how weird other people think they are. Eventually you are going to need to deal with this, and you may as well start now.

I know of one family where 'family was everything' -but this was in England in the 1930s and 1940's. In that case the brother eventually left home and got married, but the sister was expected to stay at home with the parents as long as they lived.

[DaveC426913]

Trust us on this. You can't see the forest from the tree.

No. Don't trust us on this Edin. The only trees you cannot see are our trees. The fact is, we can't see your trees.

There is a fine line between helping you out of a box and corrupting you to a different way that looks tempting but may alienate you from your loved ones and culture.

We can give you encouragement, we can give you perspective, but we cannot judge your life or tell you what is right for you. It is your life and you will have to live with your decisions. Not one person here on PF will be around for you to help you live with the consequences of a bad decision.

This above all: to thine own self be true.

[BobG]

No. Don't trust us on this Edin. The only trees you cannot see are our trees. The fact is, we can't see your trees.

There is a fine line between helping you out of a box and corrupting you to a different way that looks tempting but may alienate you from your loved ones and culture.

We can give you encouragement, we can give you perspective, but we cannot judge your life or tell you what is right for you. It is your life and you will have to live with your decisions. Not one person here on PF will be around for you to help you live with the consequences of a bad decision.

This above all: to thine own self be true.

Are you sure about this? Haven't you ever seen the movie Train Man (Densha Otoko)? Allowing anonymous forum members to direct his social life worked out pretty well for him.

Granted, he being an anonymous forum member himself, one has only his word on how well things worked out, but surely he was telling the truth. He was too pathetic to be lying.

That's a very good movie, by the way. The plot was adopted from an actual forum thread from a website in Japan. I kept imagining the characters as PF members. You had Evo, and MIH, and DanP, and Cyrus, and Pengwino, and Topher, and Galteeth, and even DaveC. :rofl:

[DaveC426913]

Are you sure about this? Haven't you ever seen the movie Train Man (Densha Otoko)? Allowing anonymous forum members to direct his social life worked out pretty well for him.

Granted, he being an anonymous forum member himself, one has only his word on how well things worked out, but surely he was telling the truth. He was too pathetic to be lying.

That's a very good movie, by the way. The plot was adopted from an actual forum thread from a website in Japan. I kept imagining the characters as PF members. You had Evo, and MIH, and DanP, and Cyrus, and Pengwino, and Topher, and Galteeth, and even DaveC. :rofl:
Just read the synopsis. Sounds like an intriguing film.

[DanP]

There is a fine line between helping you out of a box and corrupting you to a different way that looks tempting but may alienate you from your loved ones and culture.



You was supposed to whisper with a seducing voice:

"The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be…unnatural."

Ha !

[DaveC426913]

You was supposed to whisper with a seducing voice:

"The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be…unnatural."

Ha !

Yes, the words lept into my brain. I resisted.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Trust us on this. You can't see the forest from the tree. You have not even had the chance to find out that you have no advanced social skills. The fact that you can't let yourself go hang out with people or the girls you like is the sign of a deficiency in your social skills. Being able to progress your life beyond what your parents demand of you is a skill you acquire.

As far as girls go, I must regurgitate what everyone else is telling you. I've had girlfriend where we only exchanged pics and talked online. Then I turned 14. What you are doing and what those girls are to you is on the level of elementary and junior high children. Have you ever seen a movie with a girl? made out with her? Spent the night (forget sex, just being in the same house as her) with one?

when I went to college because I didn't have as much freedom at home as I did in school I went wild. I got really drunk one night an ambulance had to come get me. As for girls, I had oral sex with this one girl and I completely threw my morals out the window. But now I'm getting back into the Bible and I feel so bad about the oral sex incident. But it's already happened so just have to keep moving forward. But no I've never been on a date (unless I do it in college but don't plan it on though)

lol at your "I've had girlfriend where we only exchanged pics and talked online. Then I turned 14." :rofl: :rofl:

[JaredJames]

Well the more you post Edin, the more it sounds like you don't want a social life.

[Edin_Dzeko]

I think you'll be unhappy if you start cutting off your friendships, so I wouldn't recommend that. Some of my good friends I only interact with at university, and that's a perfectly fine level of interaction which we're mutually happy with.

When your friends invite you to events politely decline, tell them you're not the outgoing sort. Good friends should be understanding enough to not pressure you incessantly. I have friends who choose not to go to the events my friends organize and that's OK (even if I would've liked it if they did.)

In the long run if you're not satisfied with this arrangement you'll need to negotiate with your parents.

Good advice. Thanks

[Evo]

You don't sound mature enough to leave home or have a social life that's not dictated by your parents.

My advice, stay home, be honest, tell your friends that your parents won't let you go out and that you agree with them. Give up life outside the home, don't worry about it. Some day maybe your parents will be gone and things will change, or maybe you'll decide to get out from under their control. You're definitely not ready for that yet.

[Pengwuino]

when I went to college because I didn't have as much freedom at home as I did in school I went wild. I got really drunk one night an ambulance had to come get me. As for girls, I had oral sex with this one girl and I completely threw my morals out the window. But now I'm getting back into the Bible and I feel so bad about the oral sex incident. But it's already happened so just have to keep moving forward. But no I've never been on a date (unless I do it in college but don't plan it on though)


Yah this is what happens when people who have their lives strictly controlled gain some freedom. They go crazy and do stupid things because they haven't learned how to manage their own lives. I hate to say it but your parents have done some lasting damage to your ability to live your own life.

[Chronos]

Go with the flow. You will eventually graduate, get a job, a life, and see the scary side of existence. If you are warm and happy in a cow pie, keep your mouth shut - from 'the little bird who would not fly south'.

[DanP]

You don't sound mature enough to leave home or have a social life that's not dictated by your parents.

My advice, stay home, be honest, tell your friends that your parents won't let you go out and that you agree with them. Give up life outside the home, don't worry about it. Some day maybe your parents will be gone and things will change, or maybe you'll decide to get out from under their control. You're definitely not ready for that yet.

This post cracks me up. :wink:

[DanP]

As for girls, I had oral sex with this one girl and I completely threw my morals out the window. But now I'm getting back into the Bible and I feel so bad about the oral sex incident. But it's already happened so just have to keep moving forward.


Edin, yes, repent. It's the right thing to do. The only thing left to do for you in fact. It's a well known fact that oral sex is the fastest ticket to hell. You sold your soul for a moment of pleasure, the devil has your soul in his clutches now. And he comes after you with wrath. The only thing which can save you now is the Sacrament of Penance, and abjuring any further sexual behavior forever. Our God is a forgiving one, but don't test his limits

[chronon]

Edin, you need to realize that your parents do not know what they are doing. Presumably they thought that keeping tight control over your life would prevent you from doing something which you would later regret - but they failed didn't they. As I see it you might want to humor them for the moment, but eventually the untenable situation they have created is going to have to be resolved, and you are going to be the one who has to work out how to resolve it.

[JaredJames]

Edin, out of curiosity what do you think of the people who do what you described every weekend? You're not going WBC on us are you?

There comes a point where you need to decide for yourself. You went crazy, you (hopefully) got a grasp on where you boundaries are. Did you enjoy? If so, would you prefer to live the life you enjoy or the one you feel you should because of your parents?

Otherwise, I agree with Evo's above post.

[DaveC426913]

Edin, yes, repent. It's the right thing to do. The only thing left to do for you in fact. It's a well known fact that oral sex is the fastest ticket to hell. You sold your soul for a moment of pleasure, the devil has your soul in his clutches now. And he comes after you with wrath. The only thing which can save you now is the Sacrament of Penance, and abjuring any further sexual behavior forever. Our God is a forgiving one, but don't test his limits

Edin, you need to realize that your parents do not know what they are doing.

Give up life outside the home, don't worry about it.

There is some truly dreadful and downright irresponsible advice being posted in this thread. Some of it is sarcastic, some of it is not. Some of it is just kind of mean. Who knows which is which? Who knows how Edin will take it?

I feel like I'm watching a group of kids on a playground form a circle around and mocking the one kid who made the mistake of speaking how he felt.

This is not the PF way.
Lock thread please.

In fact, lock whole subforum if we as a group can't handle this kind of thing like responsible grownups.

[JaredJames]

Edin came here and listed a bunch of problems blamed on others. As it transpires, it has become clear that the 'problems' are increasingly being caused by him. Self inflicted if you will.

Given the style of advice given initially aimed at his family, it's really not surprising people are annoyed.

Regardless, it is blatantly clear Edin has made up his mind and doesn't really care for advice that doesn't conform to his trail of thought. He is wasting our time.

[chronon]

There is some truly dreadful and downright irresponsible advice being posted in this thread. Some of it is sarcastic, some of it is not. Some of it is just kind of mean. Who knows which is which? Who knows how Edin will take it?

I feel like I'm watching a group of kids on a playground form a circle around and mocking the one kid who made the mistake of speaking how he felt.

This is not the PF way.
Lock thread please.

In fact, lock whole subforum if we as a group can't handle this kind of thing like responsible grownups.
I can understand that you don't like the way some people try to push Edin to adopt the culture of a typical American teenager. Nor do I, in fact when I was his age I wasn't much into 'hanging out' with other teenagers. My point was that its not a case of his parents adopting an alternative culture which will probably work just as well if he gives it a chance, but that they are adopting a policy which is likely to end in tears sooner or later.

[Evo]

There is some truly dreadful and downright irresponsible advice being posted in this thread. Some of it is sarcastic, some of it is not. Some of it is just kind of mean. Who knows which is which? Who knows how Edin will take it?

I feel like I'm watching a group of kids on a playground form a circle around and mocking the one kid who made the mistake of speaking how he felt.

This is not the PF way.
Lock thread please.

In fact, lock whole subforum if we as a group can't handle this kind of thing like responsible grownups.My advice to him is quite serious. He doesn't want to go out, but lies to his friends about why, he needs to stop lying, he'll be found out and they'll respect him more for the truth. He went out and got so drunk that he was picked up by an ambulance, again, not able to exercise restraint or good judgement at this time, he doesn't want to go against his parents right now, and he's looking for someone to say that his choice to remain home and abide with his parents rules is ok.

You need to read more of what the OP has said before you go off on your high horse Dave.

[Topher925]

He went out and got so drunk that he was picked up by an ambulance, again, not able to exercise restraint or good judgement at this time, he doesn't want to go against his parents right now, and he's looking for someone to say that his choice to remain home and abide with his parents rules is ok.

You need to read more of what the OP has said before you go off on your high horse Dave.

+1. This type of behavior that the OP is exhibiting is very unhealthy. The fact that an 18 year old, someone old enough to enlist in the military and legally kill someone, can't keep themselves out of an ambulance unless they are under the thumb of a parent is a serious problem. Unfortunately, this is something you see all to often with college freshman but this case seems to be quite severe.

I didn't see a single post telling the OP to do anything unmoral, just corrections to his view of relationships with other people and suggestions to get out and experience life. You can have a life and still retain morals and values. There's nothing wrong with things like personal prohibition or abstinence, but there is something wrong with shutting yourself off to the world.

[DanP]

I can understand that you don't like the way some people try to push Edin to adopt the culture of a typical American teenager. Nor do I, in fact when I was his age I wasn't much into 'hanging out' with other teenagers. My point was that its not a case of his parents adopting an alternative culture which will probably work just as well if he gives it a chance, but that they are adopting a policy which is likely to end in tears sooner or later.

For the development of any teenager, healthy social relationships with peers are of paramount importance. While you may not want a child to be "a typical American teenager", you have to weight in the fact that he will have to live in a typical American society, hence he has to be adapted to it.

Even in the case of parents coming from an alternative culture, trying to impose that culture on their kids, and not letting them blend in the society where they live now, is pretty much "social murder" they commit on their offspring.

So no, an alternative culture will not work "just as well". you gain the most advantages in your adult life by being adapted to the social system you have to live in. Sounds sad ? Maybe it is.
But no, offering this kind of advice is not corruption. It is a simple fact that you gain most in life by being socially adapted to your current society. And "loved ones" should understand this. If not, alienation is a small price to pay for an easier life :devil:

No, parents don't always know better.

[JaredJames]

So no, an alternative culture will not work "just as well".

I'm not sure if you were backing him up or going against him, but just to be sure, chronon didn't say an alternative culture will work just as well.
My point was that its not a case of his parents adopting an alternative culture which will probably work just as well if he gives it a chance, but that they are adopting a policy which is likely to end in tears sooner or later.

If you didn't mean that, then just ignore this post.

[DaveC426913]

You need to read more of what the OP has said before you go off on your high horse Dave.
I did. The OP has every right to talk about his own circumstance. I don't that it gives us the right to judge his life (or his parents' competence) by our criteria. I don't believe in the Western Melting Pot.

Anyway, I had to cherry pick from your post because it was otherwise pretty realistic and reasonable, but put together with what other people are saying, things that are less caring than yours, this is starting to become a mock fest.

If a new PF member started reading this thread, would they be impressed with the calibre of PF? I just think it falls below the quality of our usual treatment of people, even for GD.

I've seen threads closed for a lot less than this.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Hey guys. Today's Friday. Snow's coming down pretty hard here in NY. Dropped off little sis at school and I've been home since. Watched "Indecent Proposal" while I ate breakfast then hopped online and fooled around for a bit. Then went to the basement to do a few routines on the Total Gym and some jump roping. I played a few hymns on the keyboard and now I'm back online fooling around again. I'm planning to practice some Chemistry not too long from now.

This about sums up my typical day since I got home from college. Just stay home and with the things at home entertain yourself seems to be the game plan for me.

Something that I wanted to share with you guys:

"I talked to one of my professors last week and he was saying how it's important to let go of immediate pleasures in life - especially when you are young... and focus on your responsibility first. that ensuring security and happiness later in life is more important than things that make you happy for a few minutes or hours - such as partying and whatnot."


I read that on another forum (I hang out on many forums) and found it to be quite encouraging a bit. It sort of cheered me up and gave me some hope about how better (socially) things will be in the future. I've also heard such similar advice from my parents in different ways many times. I've heard it from other adults as well.

Guess staying at home all day isn't so bad after all, eh? :blushing:

-------------------------T.H.O.U.G.H.T.S.-------------
I took all your ideas and suggestions and thoughts into consideration.

In college:
After the drinking and oral sex incident I changed my ways. I stopped going to parties and I didn't drink anymore. On Fridays when my room mate and most of the guys on the floor go out I stay in for the night. But Fridays during the day I go out to play indoor/outdoor soccer depending on the weather since I'm done with classes early. I've signed up for the gym for next semester so 5 days a week or whatever I come up with I'll go and work out with some buddies who said they would also get the gym membership. I go to church (off-campus) on Sundays and Bible studies 2 days during the week. Some days I go to the church to practice on the organ since the organist lets me and I'm friends with her. And I'm considering volunteering, shadowing or researching for some hours during the week-ends to build up a good resume for med school, to keep busy and go out a bit more and ultimate help out.

I had a terrible first semester in college. I went from 18 credits to 12 to 8 and pulled a 3.11 I had way too much fun and it's time to get serious.

At home:
I'm looking at this whole thing as a sacrifice. "suffer now and enjoy later". Because I didn't get to go to parties and hang out and what not now that I'm a kid, when I get older and I get a job I'll go out whenever and with whoever I want and hang out whenever I want. For my friends that are in school they'll understand and not really expect me to come to anything they invite me to since I don't live by any of them. My buddy that I talk to from h.s. hasn't made anymore invitations for us to hang out so I think he got the point already. He asked when I was going back to school and for a moment seemed like he would ask for us to hang out before I go back but he didn't. Normally he would. So that takes care of that. After I got nasty with my friend last year when she invited me somewhere and I turned her down like a jerk I don't think she'll invite me anywhere again (she said she wouldn't but it was in a joking manner) and if she does, I'll take the advice that some of you gave and POLITELY turn her down and just come clean with her about my parents being strict. Plus she lives in another state (NY and NJ aren't that far apart :rofl:)

I really don't know how things will be by the time I graduate college. But for now I'm just going to have to give my attention to studying, music, working out and religion. And see where things go from there. I wont be a jerk to people or anything and I'll still talk to my friends like you guys were suggesting but I just have to be more accepting of not going out and when there's a talk of an upcoming party/event or a past one, I just have to soak it up and try to not let it bother me that I most likely wont go.

I'm going to look at it this way: I'm the kid who choose to stay inside and study all day rather than going out. You know those kids who would rather stay in and read/study than say party? :biggrin: that's how I'm looking at it now. it's better than being upset. So I'm just going to swallow it up and study study study and when the time comes. when I'm in med school or doing residency and my parents feel I'm ready/matured enough then I'll take my foot off the pedal and go out and get out of my "staying home and studying" comfort zone.

Thanks for everything, guys. I appreciate it. Any further questions/suggestions just add/ask.

[JaredJames]

"I talked to one of my professors last week and he was saying how it's important to let go of immediate pleasures in life - especially when you are young... and focus on your responsibility first. that ensuring security and happiness later in life is more important than things that make you happy for a few minutes or hours - such as partying and whatnot."


I'd put money on that's not how he lived his life. You've got your whole life to be serious, have a bit of fun.
Guess staying at home all day isn't so bad after all, eh? :blushing:

I wouldn't call it healthy.
I'm looking at this whole thing as a sacrifice. "suffer now and enjoy later". Because I didn't get to go to parties and hang out and what not now that I'm a kid, when I get older and I get a job I'll go out whenever and with whoever I want and hang out whenever I want.

Uh, if you don't learn how to do those things you'll get yourself into trouble whilst attempting them later - as you've already demonstrated.
my parents feel I'm ready/matured enough then I'll take my foot off the pedal and go out and get out of my "staying home and studying" comfort zone.

When your parents feel you're ready? You really need to start taking control of things for yourself. If you don't you will face problems in later life. Becoming self sufficient is part of growing up.

You seem to be ignoring any advice that doesn't agree with you and searching for advice which agrees with what you believe.

[DanP]

"I talked to one of my professors last week and he was saying how it's important to let go of immediate pleasures in life - especially when you are young... and focus on your responsibility first. that ensuring security and happiness later in life is more important than things that make you happy for a few minutes or hours - such as partying and whatnot."




Sure it is. But one doesnt exclude the other. It;s a matter of prioritizing efficiently, not of exclusion. So what your professor told you is a tautology, an obviously true fact, but which doesn't give you any answer to your dilemma :P


I read that on another forum (I hang out on many forums) and found it to be quite encouraging a bit. It sort of cheered me up and gave me some hope about how better (socially) things will be in the future. I've also heard such similar advice from my parents in different ways many times. I've heard it from other adults as well.


You wont become better socially unless you interact socially efficiently. Things do not become better magically never. Your social behavior today will affect the way you will be able to behave socially as an adult.


Guess staying at home all day isn't so bad after all, eh? :blushing:


Sure it ain't, if you plan to stay there for the rest of your life. If you dont plan this, you'd better learn to be social savvy from as younger age as possible. And your peers are essentials for this. Not your parents. The social circle of your peers, I repeat , is what will give you the ability to adapt and interact socially .



After the drinking and oral sex incident I changed my ways.


If you choose to drink, drink responsibly. Do as much sex as you can. There is nothing bad with oral sex. Beware of STDs and use protection.



I had a terrible first semester in college. I went from 18 credits to 12 to 8 and pulled a 3.11 I had way too much fun and it's time to get serious.


Ok, try to recover, just dont blame it on sex. Blame it on drinking and oput of proportions parties. This is what you need to find, balance. Not jumping from an extreme to another.


At home:
I'm looking at this whole thing as a sacrifice. "suffer now and enjoy later". .

Sitting locked in a home is the worst thing you can do. You'll suffer now and later as well. You need to interact with humans. Most humans go through college easily, getting good grades and still having lot of fun and a lot of health social interaction.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Edin, out of curiosity what do you think of the people who do what you described every weekend? You're not going WBC on us are you?

There comes a point where you need to decide for yourself. You went crazy, you (hopefully) got a grasp on where you boundaries are. Did you enjoy? If so, would you prefer to live the life you enjoy or the one you feel you should because of your parents?

Otherwise, I agree with Evo's above post.

my thoughts on people who get drunk and have sex every weekend? First of, beer doesn't even taste good. So how some people love beer and say that it taste good is amazing to me. How do they do it? It taste like seltzer water :tongue2:. As for the sex thing because of religious reasons I wont pass judgment on anyone. But after a while I would get bored of having sex with different women each night. There's no emotions attached and you'll feel empty not too long after the whole thing which will lead you to wanting to go back and do it more and more but it never satisfies (too bad I wasn't thinking this way before my oral sex incident :cry:). but there are people like that who do that on the weekends and some of these people to my knowledge do all of this while maintaining perfectly fine academics lives as well. So I guess during the week they get their work then and on the weekends they do their "thing"

:rofl: nothing to enjoy about getting teased by your floor mates for acting like a crazy idiot because you were drunk, having to pay a $400 ambulance bill, having your dad not speak to you for a week. Nothing was fun about an oral sex experience with a girl I didn't even like, a girl who hurt my "Jimmy" (physically) because she was so awful at what she was doing, and certainly nothing was fun about feeling guilty and like I've ruined my future because of that one sexual incident which I would go back and undo at the speed of light if given the chance. But I've learned my lesson from it though.

But however, if my parents would understand every now and then and let me work out a baby sitting schedule with my older bro so I could go hang out with some friends every now and then that would be cool. But the way things are currently are fine also I guess. those[friends] that are okay with my not coming to visit or hang out and still want to remain friends I guess we can do that and those that aren't okay I guess I have to defend myself (verbally) and not let them slam the whole "you never go out..." hammer on my head.

[DanP]

But after a while I would get bored of having sex with different women each night. There's no emotions attached and you'll feel empty not too long after the whole thing which will lead you to wanting to go back and do it more and more but it never satisfies (too bad I wasn't thinking this way before my oral sex incident :cry:).

Get a grip on reality , Casanova :P

[Edin_Dzeko]

Hey guys. I have an article for you guys to read. For those who were questioning my parents and their "ways". Here's an American mother who's doing something similar. Share your thoughts.

Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior (http://http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?m od=wsj_share_facebook#articleTabs%3Darticle)

Btw, it's Monday 11:28 AM can you guess where I am right now? hahaha that's right. Home! :smile:

[DanP]

Hey guys. I have an article for you guys to read. For those who were questioning my parents and their "ways". Here's an American mother who's doing something similar. Share your thoughts.

Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior (http://http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?m od=wsj_share_facebook#articleTabs%3Darticle)

Btw, it's Monday 11:28 AM can you guess where I am right now? hahaha that's right. Home! :smile:

Never seen a bigger bull than this article.

[Edin_Dzeko]

Get a grip on reality , Casanova :P

hahahah :rofl::rofl:

[Edin_Dzeko]

Never seen a bigger bull than this article.

Really? I found that to be quite interesting, man. The only difference though my folks then jump on my back and FORCE or ENSURE that while spending ALL this time home I'm studying upon hours and hours and practicing many hours. That's something I gotta get into the habit of myself. Staying home all this time while not make good use of it eh?

[JaredJames]

Hey guys. I have an article for you guys to read. For those who were questioning my parents and their "ways". Here's an American mother who's doing something similar. Share your thoughts.

Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior (http://http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?m od=wsj_share_facebook#articleTabs%3Darticle)

Doesn't make it healthy for the child. Successful in school/business does not mean you are successful socially.
Btw, it's Monday 11:28 AM can you guess where I am right now? hahaha that's right. Home! :smile:

Seriously, why are you still here discussing this? You've made it perfectly clear you accept it and it appears you like it. There's no more value in this thread and all you seem to keep doing is trying to provide justification for the situation - here's a hint: we don't want it, we don't care. It's your choice and you started what can only be described as a pointless thread.

You didn't want advice, you wanted people to agree with your way of life - if they agreed with you it was accepted, if they didn't you ignored it.
You won't accept advice, you want to provide people with reasons your way is right.

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but I'm getting fed up of people coming here for 'advice' and then ignoring everything said and simply trying to justify themselves.

On an unrelated note, your link doesn't work, remove the final http//.

EDIT: DanP, spot on.

[Evo]

This thread is going in circles.