Worst chat up lines....

[Adrian Baker]

Having read Photon's 'Conversation starters... awkward silence' thread I got thinking about the WORST chat up lines you have ever heard or used.

How about - "Get your coat - you've pulled"?

[tribdog]

Hey, baby. I'm a chat room stud. Used to suffer from premature exclamations, but now I'm good for several oralgasms. Wanna connect?

[dduardo]

Pull my finger...

[Math Is Hard]

"aww..c'mon... I just got out of jail..."

[BoulderHead]

I've got this festering pustule...

[Math Is Hard]

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

[dekoi]

My name is Shaniquao and i have a llama named Tina.

[matthyaouw]

ooh but I know so many!

"is that a ladder in your tights, or a stairway to heaven?"
"nice shoes, let's f***"
"you must be exhausted... you've been running through my mind all day!"
[glance at girl, glance at own penis, repeat three or four times] "It's not going to suck itself..."

not that I've ever used any of these you understand...
The side of my face isnt covered in bruises from repetative slaps at all, nor does my hair smell of the alcohol of a thousand drinks thrown in my face...

[Chi Meson]

"Wait, I can help! hold this against it. Apply lots of pressure, I'll use my belt for a tourniquet. OK, NO! keep pressure on until the bleeding stops. No no it'll be alright. Stay awake! Stay awake! *slap*slap*slap* Stay awake! Can you hear me? Are you doing anything on Friday?"

[Gokul43201]

"If I told you you've got a great body, would you hold it against me ?"

[The Bob]

"Can I have your number because I lost mine"

The Bob (2004 ©)

[Evo]

Here are two lines that I won't forget.

"Every guy in the men's restroom is talking about your legs"

"My friends and I just wanted to say "thank you" for being here"

[tribdog]

Wow, you look exactly like my sister. Wanna play house?

[dekoi]

Wow, you look exactly like my sister. Wanna play house?


:rolleyes:

[Artman]

I've asked all of your friends and they won't go out with me, how about you?

One I heard Colin Mockry (SP?) say on Whose Line Is It Anyway, "Currently, I'm disease free."

[fourier jr]

-- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.
-- Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all day.
-- You must be from Tennessee, because you're the only "10" I see!
-- Nice dress. It would look even better crumpled up in a corner of my room.
-- Pardon me, is there a mirror in your pocket? I keep seeing myself in your pants.
-- Pardon me, miss, I seem to have lost my phone number. Could I borrow yours?
-- Screw me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Huberta?
-- That dress looks great on you. As a matter of fact, so would I.
-- Hey baby, you want to see something swell?
-- Was your father a farmer? You sure have grown some nice melons!
-- You know what would look good on you? Me!
-- Would you like Gin and platonic, or would you prefer Scotch and sofa?
-- Sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?
-- If I follow you home, will you keep me?
-- I'd like to name your legs "Thanksgiving" and "Christmas." Would you mind if I visited you between the holidays?
-- Excuse me, you have some lipstick on your teeth. Mind if I lick it off?
-- Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
-- Excuse me, is your dress felt? No? Would you like it to be?
-- Wanna play gynaecologist?
-- Pardon me, but are those stretch marks around your mouth?
-- You know what I like about you? My arms.
-- Will it bother you if I sleep in the nude?

from
http://www.maledicta.org/

[jimmy p]

"Here's 10p, phone your mum and tell her you're not coming home tonight."

"Your eyes are like spanners, every time you look at me my nuts tighten."

"You're ugly but you intrigue me."

[jimmy p]

"I may not be a Flintstone but I could sure make your bed rock"

[Artman]

"You're ugly but you intrigue me."
:biggrin: That will get her hot alright!

-- Screw me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Huberta? :biggrin: Would be a kick in the head if it was.

[Moses]

-You see how beuatiful the moon is, with one kick i can make you reach there..

-You see all this grass, if you were a donkey you will eat all of it.

[jimmy p]

"Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven?"

Man "Back to my place for pizza and sex?"
Woman "no thanks"
Man "What's the matter, dont you like pizza then?"

"Lets play army, I lay on the bed and you blow the hell outta me"

[photon]

Is that a zit?

[Gokul43201]

This one works well on blondes (:eek:) : "You're pretty as a picture and I'd love to hang you."

[tribdog]

Hi, my name's tribdog

[jimmy p]

Hi, my name's tribdog


Jeez that is terrible. I think that one should go to chat-up line Hell.

[Math Is Hard]

Do you have any Irish in you?
Would you like to?

[Adrian Baker]

We had a talk at school this week from a woman living with Aids. She was a very impressive speaker who has had the infection for 13 years - she is very ill now and doesn't expect to live long. One of the kids asked her about relationships - did she date, have sex etc, and did she tell prospective partners about her illness?

"Yes to all of those" she said, "but I find you need to be subtle".

"I find that saying, 'Hi, I'm Emma - I have Aids' puts a few people off"!!!!

A real eye-opening and exciting speaker who made her audience laugh and smile, at the same time as teaching them about something very awful..... but what a chat up line!!!

[Artman]

I'd ask you 'You're place or mine' except I'm living in my car right now.

I'd love to ask you back to my place, but my wife is home.

I'd ask you back to my place, but my mom gets really upset when I have girls over after dark.

Mom says I shouldn't date dirty girls, but would you like to go out?

[Monique]

The tram just breaked, you felt that?

[Moses]

You know you are hot and i want your phone numebr and to go out with you :rofl:
[ some high-heels attack is predicted...i guess]

[gazzo]

I didn't know fat chicks could dance! :bugeye:

[Adrian Baker]

you don't sweat much for a fat lass....

[franznietzsche]

Do you have any Irish in you?
Would you like to?

:rolleyes:

Love that one. But maybe I'm partial.

[tribdog]

You aren't a cop are you?

[Tsu]

You're a keen bi*ch
<gets slapped>
WHAT? I said you're keen...

This was an actual exchange with a Scottish friend of ours (fresh off the boat) and his first American-woman date. :bugeye: :biggrin:

[jimmy p]

Woah!!! Are those real?

[tribdog]

When's your due date?

I was talking to my friends on physics forums the other day and they said....

[Artman]

You look familiar. Didn't I date your mom about twenty years ago?

[jimmy p]

How much do you charge?

[Artman]

How much do you charge?How about "Do you give group discounts?" :smile:

[dduardo]

How about "Do you give group discounts?" :smile:

Dude, that's just wrong. :eek:

[jimmy p]

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk past again?

[jimmy p]

Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for christmas?

[Moses]

Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for christmas?

Mmm.. actually with small adjusments..this could be a good line to some one you really know..not from the first time :biggrin:

[Artman]

Paraphrasing Rodney Dangerfield from Caddyshack,

"Want to earn $3.00 the hard way?" :smile:

[tribdog]

Mmm.. actually with small adjusments..this could be a good line to some one you really know..not from the first time :biggrin:
I disagree, I like this one on a total stranger. It definately has potential if delivered by someone other than jimmyp

[Moses]

I disagree, I like this one on a total stranger. It definately has potential if delivered by someone other than jimmyp

I think if this is to a stranger..it means "one use for one night only"..not a long term realtioship....still i find it kinda rude to a stranger...it depends..

[Moonbear]

The best part about all these lines is you might actually get the woman to go home with you if she falls of the barstool laughing at you and knocks herself unconscious when she hits the floor! These lines all sound better after a mild concussion. :rofl:

[tribdog]

don't knock mild concussions. Nothing changes a no to a yes like a club to the back of the head.

[Moses]

each of us has some staff that the other do not have

Let's United to be satisfied

[I heard this stupid one in reality] :rofl:

[Moonbear]

don't knock mild concussions. Nothing changes a no to a yes like a club to the back of the head.

http://1000smilies.com/caveman.gif
(tribdog waiting for his date)

:rofl: :biggrin:

[tribdog]

What's that? an Amish smilie eating a chicken leg?

[Moonbear]

What's that? an Amish smilie eating a chicken leg?

Here I go hunting all over the internet to find a caveman smilie with a club for you, and you call it a chicken leg. :cry: Hmmph, no appreciation. :grumpy:

[tribdog]

does look like a chicken leg though doesn't it.

[Moonbear]

Well, now that you mention it...yeah, it kind of does. But, caveman smilies aren't all that easy to come by. At least a chicken leg is a better portion than a Honey Baked Ham for you. :smile:

[Moses]

Hey Cavewoman, I have chickens and stick and i am strong...
I am really strooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong
Let's go back to the house to have and have a family in the future...

[actually, this might be a good chat up line in that time :rofl: ]

[jimmy p]

I disagree, I like this one on a total stranger. It definately has potential if delivered by someone other than jimmyp


Dont underestimate the power of a cheesy chat-up line. It can turn the lamest dork (ie tribdog) into the most dashing hunk (ie jimmy p) :cool:

[Moses]

Are you a virgin?
Yes: I can make you not a virgin if you wants to

No:Do you know i can do exacly as the last guy had did with you!

[tribdog]

I used to have a business card that said:
Will you sleep with me?
If the answer's no-rip this card up and throw it on the ground
if the answer's yes-hold on to this card and smile.


It was made out of unrippable material

[Smurf]

Another reason every woman should carry a pair of sissors when tribdog is around.
how about;
"What do you mean NO? The Doctor gave me a perscription! We have to baby!"

[franznietzsche]

I used to have a business card that said:
Will you sleep with me?
If the answer's no-rip this card up and throw it on the ground
if the answer's yes-hold on to this card and smile.


It was made out of unrippable material

I love it!!!

[Smurf]

It is good isn't it, what material is unrippable?
I could just lamenate it.

[Artman]

It is good isn't it, what material is unrippable?
I could just lamenate it.Tyvek may work. Difficult but not impossible to rip. :smile:

[Artman]

I usually only ask out pretty women, but since there aren't any around, you want to go out? :smile:

You remind me of my grandmother.

I'm looking for a woman that will be true to me, not a pretty girl that all the guys will be hitting on.

[Moonbear]

My buddy over there thinks your friend is HOT, and it's my turn to take the bullet for the team. Wanna go out with me?

[jimmy p]

Will you be my girlfriend?

[Smurf]

I hear you're rich

[jimmy p]

I hear you're rich

Lol

"So money... I mean honey, come here often?"

[mattmns]

Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I'd love to tap that ***.

Was your father a 'meat burgler'? It looks like somebody took fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress!

Here is $11. Drink until I am really good looking, then come to talk to me.

-from linesthataregood.com

[The Bob]

I have the best one ever.............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..................................................

HI :rofl:

The Bob (2004 ©)

[Smurf]

I have the best one ever
HI :rofl:

The Bob (2004 ©)
Ah yes, I can see it now:
"Hi" says bob.
"Hello" she answers
...
...
...
...
"I have to go" she says, picks up her coat and walks to the door where she is handed a business card by tribdog before getting into his car.

[jimmy p]

Wanna come back to mine and watch action films and drink beer?

[The Bob]

Hello. I need a ride. Can you give me one please???

No: Do you want a ride all the way to my house then???
Yes: *Slap Hands* Off we go then. :tongue2:

The Bob (2004 ©)

[jimmy p]

You remind me of [insert complicated equation] here. Now I know what it feels like to be 2xy.

[Moses]

Hi, i know you are attracted to my, but can you answer my multiple choice question: Do you wanna to marry me? Being my girl friend? or just "one night use and then throw away"? I know blonde you are dum, but i am sure you will chose one of the answer given, and not make one yourself. ha ha ha , ho ho ho , he he he [you laugh in this way to sound cool :biggrin: ]

WARNING: She can puke, and you can cover you head with a bag.

[Lyuokdea]

"I need trust in a relationship, and I trust that with a face like yours, you could never find another guy to cheat on me with."

[Moses]

haha, even this is so crap is he says it after he "got" her, but before....haha oh my God......i cannot cooment..this is really tooooo bad line.

Well done Lyuokdea.

P.S: Why not many girls are here in this thread? I guess the will know better than us, since they are actually the "reciever" :tongue2: :approve:

[0TheSwerve0]

(lick her sleeve) Well we better get you out of those wet clothes!

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got FINE written all over you!

[Math Is Hard]

(lick her sleeve) Well we better get you out of those wet clothes!

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got FINE written all over you!

teeheeheeheehee :rofl:
I think I'm actually going to use those!

[Moses]

ahaaaa!
So MIH is a boy? new news to me :biggrin:

[Miles]

Here some from a Weird Al song:

-I dont have a library card but do you mind if I chaeck you out
-I like your skeletal structure baby, you're an ectomorph no doubt
-I wise i was cross-eyed girl so i could see you twice
-You smell like fritos, thats why im giving you this hungry stare
-You're so hot, you're gonna melt the elastic in my underwear
-I'll bet you're magically delicious like a bowl of lucky charms
-Do you believe in love at first sight or should i walk by again?
-My love for you's like diarrhea I just can't hold it in
-Stop, drop and roll now 'cuase baby, your're on fire
-You're absolutely perfect, don't speak now, you might spoil it
-Your eyes are even bluer then the water in my toilet
-I wanna be your Krakatoa, let my lava flow all over you
-You can tell me truthfully am i a steamin' hunk of love now, or what?
-There just aren't enough o's in "smooth" to descrive how smooth I am
-Maybe you've seen my picture it's in the dictionary under "Kablaam!"
-You must of fallen from heaven, that would explain how you messed up your face.
-How'd you get through security? 'Cause baby, your the bomb
-I'd like to take you home now, so you could meet my mom

It sound better when he sings it as a song but I wrote down most of the good ones :rofl: :rofl:

[Math Is Hard]

ahaaaa!
So MIH is a boy? new news to me :biggrin:
what? you think girls can't use pick up lines? :biggrin: guys are so dang shy - someone's gotta break the ice!

[tribdog]

It is good isn't it, what material is unrippable?
I could just lamenate it.
When I made the cards myself I used that packing tape with the strings in it sandwiched between two pieces of paper and stuck together with double sided tape.

[fourier jr]

"I'M BIG BROTHER, I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU"

:cool:

[dduardo]

Are your parents retarded? 'Cuz you look pretty special.

[Moses]

what? you think girls can't use pick up lines? :biggrin: guys are so dang shy - someone's gotta break the ice!

Well, i do agree that some boys are "shy" [My friends tell me a lot that i am shy, but anyhow] but still, if a girl is breaking the ice, she is breaking the ice, not "picking up" . Both can be done at the same time, but i am sure if i girl yse a "pick up" line with me, I will not consider it normal to be done, still I apprecaite it someitmes when they break the ice :biggrin: :rofl:

BTW: I guess you took my last post before that one in the best way possible, arent you? No bad feelings. :approve:

[Tom Mattson]

You don't have kids, do you? Because I can't be around them, as a condition of my parole.

[JasonRox]

I like girls who are smart. Do you know where I can find one?

I like girls who are hot. Do you know where I can find one?

ETC...

I was gay, until I saw you.

You make my dream girl look like a 5. Dang!

I'm not good at video games. Are you easy?

I made a bet with a friend, want to split it?

See that guy over there? (Pointing the finger to some random guy.) I don't know him.

WHAAAZZZZZZZUUUUPPP?!

I like ganster rap.

I'm a thug, with a cd player.

Would you like soft creamy skin? I offer free facials.

Note: Say anything stupid. It usually works. Like someone (a girl) mentionned earlier, guys never break the ice. The girl will be impressed by the fact that you can talk, not by the words you speak.

[tribdog]

I must say, your eyes are absolutely scinti..skintilit,,scintilleat, pretty.

[Gokul43201]

I must say, your eyes are absolutely scinti..skintilit,,scintilleat, pretty.

Why is it so hard to say 'sciential' ? :bugeye:

[tribdog]

blasfermide if I know

[Moses]

Even if you dont know me: I LOVE YOU. :!!) :!!) :!!) :!!)

I love your body, wanna see my body, you may love it as well....

[Adrian Baker]

Having read through this thread I no longer wonder why Physicists are in short supply - We suck!

We need better chat up lines!!!!!! All those bloody linguists and social scientists manage to pull whilst we sit around pondering the Universe. No wonder we are outnumbered!

[BobG]

Hey baby, How would you like to join me in some math? We'll add you and me, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply!

Of course, we'll be entirely discrete.

If this won't woo your 500 lb Bubba, nothing will.

[Math Is Hard]

Is that a Hemmi 257 Chemical Engineering Rule in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? :wink:

[BobG]

You're a 10.

2 Good
2 Me
2 Be
4 Got
-----
10

[Smurf]

quick, whats 2 plus 2?

[BoulderHead]

You've probably never heard of the 60-second orgasm before, but if you can spare a minute I'll fill you in… :biggrin:

[The Bob]

quick, whats 2 plus 2?
Must admit I do not get this one at all. :confused:

The Bob (2004 ©)

[BobG]

Must admit I do not get this one at all. :confused:

The Bob (2004 ©)

That's Smurf's version of 4play.

[The Bob]

That's Smurf's version of 4play.
I see. :smile:

The Bob (2004 ©)