No sex please we are Brittish

[wolram]

A clean thread, look not a sign of smut

Suggested topics.

1 Making things from match sticks

2 origami

3 twitching

4 What can you make from empty toilet rolls

[Pengwuino]

penis.....

[brewnog]

5 Idle comments on the weather

6 Best way of getting light, crisp Yorkshire Puddings without them collapsing when you open the oven door

7 Who was the best Bond?

8 Do you have a lucky pump at the petrol station?

[wolram]

penis.....
:grumpy:
This thread must be kept Clean

[arildno]

clean penis..

[wolram]

5 Idle comments on the weather

6 Best way of getting light, crisp Yorkshire Puddings without them collapsing when you open the oven door

7 Who was the best Bond?

8 Do you have a lucky pump at the petrol station?

7 Did you hear that the next bond may be a girl :surprised

[wolram]

clean penis..


No Smut every one has to be o:)

[brewnog]

7 Did you hear that the next bond may be a girl :surprised


As long as it's not Robert Williams, I couldn't give a hoot.

[Pengwuino]

Brits are boring. We need to liven this place up with more smut.
penis.

[wolram]

Any one know any thing about number 2 ?

[arildno]

Drauci....

[wolram]

Brits are boring. We need to liven this place up with more smut.
penis.

Do you want to talk about microscopes ?

[wolram]

Drauci&irrumation
:confused: :confused: :confused: You being Obstropolous old boy ?

[honestrosewater]

9. Nude contortionist park benches - the classy kind of nude

10. Nude contortionist subway turnstiles

11. Nude contortionist railroad crossing gates

[yu_wing_sin]

A clean thread, look not a sign of smut

Suggested topics.

1 Making things from match sticks

2 origami

3 twitching

4 What can you make from empty toilet rolls

Are you thrilling in it and can't control it now?
We will understand the men's thought.
... ...

[honestrosewater]

Any one know any thing about number 2 ?It's code for expelling excrement.

[wolram]

9. Nude contortionist park benches - the classy kind of nude

10. Nude contortionist subway turnstiles

11. Nude contortionist railroad crossing gates

Well 11 may be of interest to railway enthusiasts

But i am sure sex is involved, you must remeber HRWWB we are brittish.

[zanazzi78]

12. Why do the Queens Gaurds wear a bear skin, when we have no navite bears?

13. What`s your favourite real Ale?

14. What`s the best way to harded your conkers? (this isn`t smut! :uhh: )

[wolram]

12. Why do the Queens Gaurds wear a bear skin, when we have no navite bears?

13. What`s your favourite real Ale?

14. What`s the best way to harded your conkers? (this isn`t smut! :uhh: )

!4 I used to pickle mine for about a week then store them in cool dry place.

[wolram]

15 why are there no wild haggis.

[arildno]

16. Why did Francis Bacon bequeath £ 100 to H. Percy?

[Artman]

penis.
Do you want to talk about microscopes ?
:uhh: What made you think of microscopes wolram? :tongue:

[arildno]

:uhh: What made you think of microscopes wolram? :tongue:
Perhaps he finds it to be a nice substitute? :confused:

[wolram]

16. Why did Francis Bacon bequeath £ 100 to H. Percy?

Ok, cleaver clogs, why did Francis Bacon bequeath £100 to H.

[wolram]

:uhh: What made you think of microscopes wolram? :tongue:

I had to think very quickly, it was the first thought i had, but i remembered
an article that said the people who talk about them most have small ones. :biggrin:

[wolram]

How to harden your conkers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conkers.

[Echo 6 Sierra]

I GET IT!! Conkers is the British version of Pogs or Rock Paper Scissors. :rolleyes: It's not a real game like, say, marbles(mibs), or freeze tag, or the passout game.

[brewnog]

15 why are there no wild haggis.


In the late 16th century, Haggises were hunted to extinction by the MacAllister clan of Fort William. Several attempts were subsequently made to reintroduce Haggis populations back to the Scotch Highlands, but none were successful.

In the end (the early 1900s), the McGregor clan decided it would be much more sensible to farm domesticated Haggises for food. They selectively bred the kind we know today, the Scotch Haggis, to have its left two legs longer than the right two legs, so that they could run around the sides of mountains, but never go up or down them. This was to ensure that they didn't escape without the need for fences or dry-stone walls, thus preserving the beauty of the Highlands.

[wolram]

I GET IT!! Conkers is the British version of Pogs or Rock Paper Scissors. :rolleyes: It's not a real game like, say, marbles(mibs), or freeze tag, or the passout game.

Not a real game, how dare you sir :grumpy: We britts have been playing with
our conkers for 150yrs, 1000s come from all over the world to partake, it is
a game of great skill and bravery, i remember one hard nut i had got to be a
12ver before it showed signs of cracking and had to be retired, :biggrin:

[wolram]

In the late 16th century, Haggises were hunted to extinction by the MacAllister clan of Fort William. Several attempts were subsequently made to reintroduce Haggis populations back to the Scotch Highlands, but none were successful.

Yes i read about the Mac Allisters, they were a blood thirsty lot, hunting from
dusk till dawn.
I did also read an account about haggis being spoted on one of the scotish
isles, but the location is secret.

[honestrosewater]

17. Who is the Rosalinda to whom George Norman Garmonsway's 1964 edition of The Penguin English Dictionary is dedicated?

[honestrosewater]

16. Why did Francis Bacon bequeath £ 100 to H. Percy?They were lovers.?

[arildno]

They were lovers.?
Yes.
wolram was so intent to keep this thread wholly unsexed, that I've had severe difficulties obliging him.
Perhaps he will oppose to your Rosalinda question as well..

[honestrosewater]

Yes.
wolram was so intent to keep this thread wholly unsexed, that I've had severe difficulties obliging him.
Perhaps he will oppose to your Rosalinda question as well..She is his immortal beloved. :smile:

[arildno]

"Oh, Rosalinda of my dreams!
To you a book I write:
..."

Ok, I'm generous; you can finish the poem if you like! :smile:

[wolram]

Yes.
wolram was so intent to keep this thread wholly unsexed, that I've had severe difficulties obliging him.
Perhaps he will oppose to your Rosalinda question as well..

Gordon bennit, i know nowt about this, if i were caught reading any thing
smutty i collected a clip round the earhole, and in later life i was only
interested in crank shafts, pistons and wires.

[Artman]

In the late 16th century, Haggises were hunted to extinction by the MacAllister clan of Fort William. Several attempts were subsequently made to reintroduce Haggis populations back to the Scotch Highlands, but none were successful.

In the end (the early 1900s), the McGregor clan decided it would be much more sensible to farm domesticated Haggises for food. They selectively bred the kind we know today, the Scotch Haggis, to have its left two legs longer than the right two legs, so that they could run around the sides of mountains, but never go up or down them. This was to ensure that they didn't escape without the need for fences or dry-stone walls, thus preserving the beauty of the Highlands.There is also the National Haggi preserve South of Pitlochry in Perthshire (Slightly Northeast of Dundee). Where the majestic animals can still roam free. The land was designated a site for the preservation of wild haggis and is the only remaining area where haggis sows birth their lop sided (two leggs longer two shorter) shoats in the wild. You have to watchout for the male Haggihog they have quite dangerous horns. Also, during the mating season the nearsited Haggihog can be extremely hazardous animal to around in shortpants.

[hypatia]

http://underground.zork.net/thumbnails/missionary.gif Any one know any thing about number 2 ?

[Smurf]

She is his immortal beloved. :smile:
Okay... but you forgot the most important part. They were ****ing eachother.

[wolram]

http://underground.zork.net/thumbnails/missionary.gif

Oh my giddy gumdrops. :surprised

[honestrosewater]

Okay... but you forgot the most important part. They were ****ing eachother.You have an extra letter in loving. :rolleyes:

[honestrosewater]

Oh my giddy gumdrops. :surprisedDon't worry, they are just tickling each other. :biggrin:

[wolram]

Don't worry, they are just tickling each other. :biggrin:

Hmmm, i wonder how many like to be tickled that way
:wink:

[wolram]

And by the way, i was kidding about the Haggis, here is the true version.

http://www.electricscotland.com/haggis/haggis1.html

[Artman]

And by the way, i was kidding about the Haggis, here is the true version.

http://www.electricscotland.com/haggis/haggis1.html
18. Is the Lock Ness Monster really a family of swimming Haggis?

[Smurf]

You have an extra letter in loving. :rolleyes:
That's because I modified it. Everyone's favorite emotion is now a lot more physically enduring and also a lot more fun!

[zanazzi78]

18. Is the Lock Ness Monster really a family of swimming Haggis?

No he`s part of the family ness ...

www.familyness.co.uk/

[arildno]

That's because I modified it. Everyone's favorite emotion is now a lot more physically enduring and also a lot more fun!
Besides, it is spelt luvving.

[honestrosewater]

19. Why do people spell spelled spelt?

[arildno]

'Cause it is spelt spelt?

Garmonsway accepts both forms; perhaps Rosalinda told him to?

[honestrosewater]

'Cause it is spelt spelt?

Garmonsway accepts both forms; perhaps Rosalinda told him to?Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point. :rolleyes: :!!)

[wolram]

18. Is the Lock Ness Monster really a family of swimming Haggis?

This is a strange one, the real lock ness monster has been identifed several
times by experts, but scientists refute all evidence out of hand, several
pictures of the Firfirslegiganticus exist, the last known living specimin was
captured in a fishing net in norway in 1843.

[honestrosewater]

20. Is Pensées pronounced as penes? I'd like to think so.

[arildno]

I know that paneity is a word, but is peneity also a word? :confused:

[honestrosewater]

Rose, are you being smutty in french?No, it means something like, "The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of." It's from Pascal's Pensées (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pens%C3%A9es). :smile:

And, fittingly enough, it was one of the common foreign sayings in the back of my old dictionary.

[arildno]

No, it says something like, "The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of." It's from Pascal's Pensées (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pens%C3%A9es). :smile:
Oh, is that what it meant?

I thought I had made a good start with the translation:
"The cur's *** raisins.." but then I got stuck on the "que" word.
Seems I'm not very good in french after all.. :frown:

[honestrosewater]

I know that paneity is a word, but is peneity also a word? :confused:Sure, meaning the quality of being a soft, yeasty, crusty penis.
Oh, is that what it meant?

I thought I had made a good start with the translation:
"The cur's *** raisins.." but then I got stuck on the "que" word.
Seems I'm not very good in french after all.. :frown: Hm, no, *** raisins sounds like an English dish. :tongue2:

[wolram]

Sure, meaning the quality of being a soft, yeasty, crusty penis.
Hm, no, *** raisins sounds like an English dish. :tongue2:

:yuck: A crude way of describing swollen veins, also grapes.

[wolram]

Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point. :rolleyes: :!!)

Rosewhattheeky thumpyou anddidnoon about ?

[brewnog]

The Family Ness!

I forgot about that! My favourite was Eyewit-Ness. Not only was his name a terrible pun, he was also a pirate!

[arildno]

Rosewhattheeky thumpyou anddidnoon about ?
Your thread has reached adolescence, that's all.

[wolram]

Are you thrilling in it and can't control it now?
We will understand the men's thought.
... ...

Us Britts can control any thing, with a few minor exceptions, but you can never
understand us, that is just so absolutely noncompismentis :biggrin:

[wolram]

Your thread has reached adolescence, that's all.

I never knew that, What do you know about yorkshire pudding?

[arildno]

I never knew that, What do you know about yorkshire pudding?
I ate it once. It was foul.

[brewnog]

I don't see how people can think that Yorkshire Pudding is foul. I can understand why people might think that Black Pudding, or salami, or curry, or tuna is foul, but Yorkshire Pudding has to be one of the least offensive tastes and textures you can get!

[wolram]

I don't see how people can think that Yorkshire Pudding is foul. I can understand why people might think that Black Pudding, or salami, or curry, or tuna is foul, but Yorkshire Pudding has to be one of the least offensive tastes and textures you can get!

Well said Brewnog, people like Arildno need educating.

[brewnog]

Well said Brewnog, people like Arildno need educating.

I'm not sure they need educating. I just think they need to try a decent, well-cooked, Yorkshire Pudding.

[russ_watters]

No Smut every one has to be o:) If you keep it clean, there should be no smut buildup...

[arildno]

I don't see how people can think that Yorkshire Pudding is foul. I can understand why people might think that Black Pudding, or salami, or curry, or tuna is foul, but Yorkshire Pudding has to be one of the least offensive tastes and textures you can get!
That's WHY it's foul. It's practically tasteless. Just like kiwi. (Besides, kiwi has a poisonous green colour; I never eat poison-green food).

[loseyourname]

No, it means something like, "The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of." It's from Pascal's Pensées (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pens%C3%A9es). :smile:


You realize he was making the argument that reason cannot know God, thus justifying taking the leap of faith because "the heart has its reasons," right?

[wolram]

That's WHY it's foul. It's practically tasteless. Just like kiwi. (Besides, kiwi has a poisonous green colour; I never eat poison-green food).

Proper yorkie pudding is not tasteless, if cooked with the beef fat, it has a
wonderful crispy crunchy out and a soft inner.

[loseyourname]

Here's a girl cleaning her friend's boot. How courteous of her.

http://photos3.flickr.com/6051670_7906730008_m.jpg

[wolram]

The Family Ness!

I forgot about that! My favourite was Eyewit-Ness. Not only was his name a terrible pun, he was also a pirate!

Can you explain please old chap.

[brewnog]

Can you explain please old chap.

Did you look at Welsh boy's The Family Ness link? Twas an amazing 80s cartoon about the Nessies. Lovely stuff, almost as good as Jimbo and the Jet Set.

[brewnog]

LYN! Please clean up your act otherwise wolram will get angry that the cleanliness of his clean British thread is being mocked.

[hypatia]

http://www.yarnmarket.com/images/art_Sheep-Mat.jpg

I found this sheep door mat, so everyone must be sure to wipe their feet befor entering this thread.

[arildno]

http://www.yarnmarket.com/images/art_Sheep-Mat.jpg

I found this sheep door mat, so everyone must be sure to wipe their feet befor entering this thread.
Don't let Danger see this one..

[hypatia]

oh geez, he may want to wipe more then his feet?

[loseyourname]

Here's a nice still from the play No Sex Please, We're British:

http://www.ookiine.com/images/nosexplease.jpg

[zoobyshoe]

If you keep it clean, there should be no smut buildup...
As GD becomes crasser and crasser, I long for it to be conquored by a tyranical nun with a ruler.

[Evo]

http://www.fotosearch.com/comp/corbis/DGT349/OYF20046.jpg

Like this?

[Evo]

Yikes. :bugeye:

http://www.adamabrams.com/englishbayevents/images/pride/thepics/nun.jpg

[zoobyshoe]

No. The one in The Blues Brothers will do.

[zanazzi78]

Did you look at Welsh boy's The Family Ness link? Twas an amazing 80s cartoon about the Nessies. Lovely stuff, almost as good as Jimbo and the Jet Set.

Jimbo Soz it`s 2 in the am i`ve been out on the beer for the last 5 hours Jimbo hee-hee

[Tsu]

19. Why do people spell spelled spelt?

And why did wolram spell British as "Brittish"????? :tongue: :biggrin:

[Moonbear]

And why did wolram spell British as "Brittish"????? :tongue: :biggrin:
:rofl: He was enunciating the T very clearly. :biggrin:

[Tsu]

:rofl: He was enunciating the T very clearly. :biggrin:

Ah... either that or he just REAL confused!! :rofl:

[Moonbear]

Ah... either that or he just REAL confused!! :rofl:
I think that's a side effect of not having enough sex. :biggrin:

[Ivan Seeking]

I know I've posted this before but I can't find it... Anyway, Deepak Chopra tells it ~ like this: There was a study of the number of tactile contacts made while in a public setting, between mates [married] as a function of culture. Guessing at the actual values here... Couples from India made contact, on the average, about thirty times per hour. Couples from China touched about fifteen times per hour. In the US, it was close to five times every hour. And as for the British couples, we're still waiting!

[honestrosewater]

You realize he was making the argument that reason cannot know God, thus justifying taking the leap of faith because "the heart has its reasons," right?No, I just remembered seeing it in my dictionary several years ago. I'm reading a bit of it now.

[honestrosewater]

As GD becomes crasser and crasser, I long for it to be conquored by a tyranical nun with a ruler.You speak of crassitude like it's a bad thing. :confused:

Has it really gotten that bad? :redface: I don't know about you know who, but I can clean up my act. o:)

[arildno]

You speak of crassitude like it's a bad thing. :confused:

Has it really gotten that bad? :redface: I don't know about you know who, but I can clean up my act. o:)
I always clean myself before and after my act, so this can't possibly be a reference to me.

[wolram]

I know I've posted this before but I can't find it... Anyway, Deepak Chopra tells it ~ like this: There was a study of the number of tactile contacts made while in a public setting, between mates [married] as a function of culture. Guessing at the actual values here... Couples from India made contact, on the average, about thirty times per hour. Couples from China touched about fifteen times per hour. In the US, it was close to five times every hour. And as for the British couples, we're still waiting!

Brittish couples do not touch in public, only saturday nights
after 2100.

[loseyourname]

No, I just remembered seeing it in my dictionary several years ago. I'm reading a bit of it now.

Pascal was sort of the progenitor of Kierkegaard in that way. Though he was a mathematician and keen in the use of reason, he believed that the human mind and its faculties could not apprehend the divine. The mind could never know God, and could neither prove nor disprove His existence. Nonetheless, a person can and should believe. He expanded upon the "heart has its reasons" bit with the well-known Pascal's Wager, turning the acceptance of Catholic doctrine into a cost/benefit analysis of potential rewards and/or punishments in the afterlife.

[honestrosewater]

I always clean myself before and after my act, so this can't possibly be a reference to me.Guilty conscience? :surprised No, I was referring to those Brittish couples with Saturday night fever.

[honestrosewater]

Pascal was sort of the progenitor of Kierkegaard in that way. Though he was a mathematician and keen in the use of reason, he believed that the human mind and its faculties could not apprehend the divine. The mind could never know God, and could neither prove nor disprove His existence. Nonetheless, a person can and should believe. He expanded upon the "heart has its reasons" bit with the well-known Pascal's Wager, turning the acceptance of Catholic doctrine into a cost/benefit analysis of potential rewards and/or punishments in the afterlife.I can identify somewhat with his reasoning in the section I'm reading, as I look at the difference between jutice and mercy in a similar way.

[wolram]

I think that's a side effect of not having enough sex. :biggrin:

Moonbear you are naughty :tongue:

And Tsu, I like "Ts", it should be, BRIT--TISH do you not know about our T,
breaks :tongue:

[wolram]

I can identify somewhat with his reasoning in the section I'm reading, as I look at the difference between jutice and mercy in a similar way.

Yep :biggrin: there is a major difference between, Jutice and Mercy

[arildno]

I've never been jutticed before; is that nice?

[wolram]

I've never been jutticed before; is that nice?

Im not sure, i think it means "wraped in sack cloth", so i guess it is not nice.

[wolram]

The sport of Wellie wanging, is not very well known.