Personally, I never really feel the NEED to be in control of anything. It doesn't matter to me.
I think it depends a lot on the unique personality dynamic between participants in a relationship; and I find that my own personality ADAPTS
to the partnership as need (happily if that facilitates functionality and cooperation; and unhappily, if it is otherwise--in which case, after a while, I simply remove myself from the situation). And that goes for personal relationships, as much as it does work.
When I am working with a woman older than myself, I find that I am just naturally more submissive to them; it is part of my innate desire to be respectful (and it also makes me happy to please them). Even if they choose not to take the lead in anything we are doing, I make it a point of still not doing so myself; unless they expressly say that they would prefer I did. In that case, feeling quite validated, I am completely confident in the mutual trust we share; and accomplish my tasks, perhaps even more pleasantly than I would otherwise.