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tauon
#16
Jan5-11, 02:28 PM
P: 84
Quote Quote by DaveC426913 View Post
You recognize the problem that, for a two way relationship to start, one person has to take a chance. Yet you have no intention of being the one.

I'm going to guess that you won't take a risk on anyone because rejection is too likely in your mind. Only if they step forward and demonstrate that they might like you on spec, will you pursue a relationship.

So, my question is: why do you feel that you're not a "catch"?
This part of PF is definitely outside my comfort zone (why did I post here anyway)... but we don`t know each other so what the heck.

It`s not looks, it`s apparently my personality...

I`ve found that the more people know me (like the "real" me) the more they think I am weird, and they don`t always hold that word in the "compliments" area (neither do I tbh). A few have been vocal about it (I`ve even been called a freak once) but it`s just something you start to notice in their looks, gestures, etc.
The only way I can actually socialize is if I play an "act", otherwise people will tend to keep a certain distance from me. I don`t really know if it`s actually me who`s misreading everything but ever since I was a kid it was so much easier socialize if I was pretending to be someone else then if I was just "being myself" (in which case I would end up the acting the outcast whether I wanted it or not...); I`ve survived middle school and some of highschool playing the class jester and similar "roles" for example.
Whenever someone catches me off-guard without my mask on, they will tend to throw me in the buddy friend who`s a little...different zone, the guy who`s a little more interesting... that is when they`re not running away from me like I`m the plague.

I`m now more and more inclined to simply not socialize (lately I find it troublesome to even attend lectures and seminaries even if there`s hardly any direct socializing involved in this case) and there have been times when I haven`t left my dorm for more than a week.

But whatever, being alone isn`t that bad. I`m growing used to it.