Perhaps you mean "showering?"
Here's a definition of "smothering" from the Oxford dictionary:
make (someone) feel trapped and oppressed by acting in an overly protective manner toward them
If you're making someone feel trapped and oppressed, then frankly, it doesn't matter what your intentions are. You need to consider the other person's ability to absorb what you have to offer and make adjustments accordingly.
Your reasoning is analogous to the following: "It's okay if I'm making someone feel trapped because I'm doing it with honest, genuine, love." (unless you're defining "smothering" in any other way than what's in English dictionaries):
I don't know why you keep ignoring the negative aspects of smothering. Again, just because you
aren't suffocating someone doesn't mean that it can't happen. I have already acknowledged your point of view and have been making an effort to be more precise and careful with the idea of "smothering." If you're unable to see another perspective, then I guess there isn't much more to discuss in that arena.
Yikes! You do realize that there are perfectly healthy ways to argue, right?
Stuffing feelings of offense or disappointment is what's unhealthy. Not being able to express a different point-of-view due to a fear of argument is also unhealthy. Arguing is perfectly healthy if done in a mature way
: that means no insults, shouting, manipulation, etc.
Relationships usually involve compromise. However, you seem to have found someone who agrees with everything you say and enjoys everything you enjoy. You both are extremely lucky because I've never seen that happen, even in the movies!
I don't "leave my wife." We are often in the same room during my "alone time." What we avoid is making plans with other people or going to social events. Hopefully this clears-up the misunderstanding.
I also sincerely wish you the best and congratulate you on 30 years!