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Dembadon
#22
Nov17-11, 01:06 PM
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Quote Quote by ViewsofMars View Post
I would like to backtrack on this conversation.


So you seem to be arguing with Astronuc and what I earlier stated , “Smothering someone with genuine love which is filled with honesty is fine. It's important and extremely healthy for rumpyson and his girlfriend to have freedom of space within their relationship. There is not a single person that I personally know that lives with someone 24 hours a day except if he/she are on their death bed.
Perhaps you mean "showering?"

Here's a definition of "smothering" from the Oxford dictionary:

make (someone) feel trapped and oppressed by acting in an overly protective manner toward them

If you're making someone feel trapped and oppressed, then frankly, it doesn't matter what your intentions are. You need to consider the other person's ability to absorb what you have to offer and make adjustments accordingly.

Your reasoning is analogous to the following: "It's okay if I'm making someone feel trapped because I'm doing it with honest, genuine, love." (unless you're defining "smothering" in any other way than what's in English dictionaries):

I don't know why you keep ignoring the negative aspects of smothering. Again, just because you aren't suffocating someone doesn't mean that it can't happen. I have already acknowledged your point of view and have been making an effort to be more precise and careful with the idea of "smothering." If you're unable to see another perspective, then I guess there isn't much more to discuss in that arena.

Arguing with people is unhealthy.
Yikes! You do realize that there are perfectly healthy ways to argue, right?

Stuffing feelings of offense or disappointment is what's unhealthy. Not being able to express a different point-of-view due to a fear of argument is also unhealthy. Arguing is perfectly healthy if done in a mature way: that means no insults, shouting, manipulation, etc.

Relationships usually involve compromise. However, you seem to have found someone who agrees with everything you say and enjoys everything you enjoy. You both are extremely lucky because I've never seen that happen, even in the movies!

As far as your comment, “My wife knows that I need about a full day alone about once a month, and I'm aware of her need to be social. We both make compromises for each other and it makes for a fulfilling relationship.” The impression I’m getting from your statement is that you leave your wife one full day (24 hours) once a month since you have been married because you wish to be anti-social whereas your wife prefers to be social.
I don't "leave my wife." We are often in the same room during my "alone time." What we avoid is making plans with other people or going to social events. Hopefully this clears-up the misunderstanding.

Personally speaking, a relationship, especially a married couple, consists of two individuals that are socially compatible who enjoy each others company and people that are non-argumentative. I leave it at that and say, “Adieu. Wishing you the best life has to offer.”:smile
Thank you!

I also sincerely wish you the best and congratulate you on 30 years!