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Favourite Quotes

by quddusaliquddus
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jimmy p
#19
May12-04, 06:55 PM
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"Dogbert: If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Dilbert: But I'm allergic to citrus.
Dogbert: If life give you lemons, swell up and die."

Kerrie
#20
May12-04, 07:05 PM
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Quote Quote by jimmy p
A good quote is from Maynard James Keenan.

"Today's woman puts on wigs, fake eyelashes, false fingernails, sixteen pounds of assorted make-up/shadows/blushes/creams, living bras, various pads that would make a linebacker envious, has implants and assorted other surgeries, then complains that she cannot find a "real" man."

However one of my fav's has to be:

"Eat well, stay fit, die anyway."

or this one from Robin Williams....

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

love maynard's lyrics and Robin Williams is one of the most brilliant comedians ever.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. ~
Lily Tomlin

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. ~
Lily Tomlin

Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. ~Frank Leahy
quddusaliquddus
#21
May13-04, 07:35 AM
P: 309
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. ~
Lily Tomlin"

LOL ... never thought of it like that!
Robert Zaleski
#22
May16-04, 06:59 PM
P: 74
When you come to a fork in the road, take it."

"The future ain't what it use to be"

Both attributed to Yogi Berra
motai
#23
May16-04, 08:21 PM
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Marge: "Bart! You cant tell God to kill Sideshow Bob!"
Homer: "Yeah, do you own dirty work!"

hehe
Ebolamonk3y
#24
May16-04, 08:36 PM
P: 204
"[Alone] I like, at times, to hear The Ancient's word,
And have a care to be most civil:
It's really kind of such a noble Lord
So humanly to gossip with the Devil!" - Mephistopheles -- Faust
tribdog
#25
May17-04, 02:38 AM
P: 693
"There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." ~Morpheus
"The body cannot live without the mind." ~Morpheus
"Guess who watched "The Matrix" last night?"~Tribdog
RBS_5
#26
May17-04, 10:00 AM
P: 7
Never decide to buy something while listening to the salesman.

If there is an opportunity to make a mistake, sooner or later the mistake will be made.

Being sure mistakes will occur is a good frame of mind for catching them.

Check the answer you have worked out once more -- before you tell it to anybody.

When in doubt, mumble.
When in trouble, delegate.
When in charge, ponder.

~Murphy's Laws
swansont
#27
May18-04, 09:15 AM
P: 111
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
Maj. Gen. John Sedgewick, killed by a sniper in 1864 at the battle of Spotsylvania

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that the English language is as pure as a crib-house whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
James D. Nicoll

English was a language invented by Norman invaders to pick up
Anglo-Saxon barmaids. It retains much of this character.


Only crackpots think the plural of anecdote is evidence
Ivan Seeking
#28
Sep26-04, 03:45 PM
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How do you get a giant squid through a revolving door? - Lazo-Wasem, Zoologist
http://leisure.newstimes.com/story.php?id=65188

Now there's a problem that I never considered.
The Bob
#29
Sep26-04, 04:16 PM
P: 1,116
'The only way to improve at something is to start from the beginning and work up again.'
- The Bob (unless anyone knows someone who said it first)

The Bob (2004 )
The_Professional
#30
Sep26-04, 09:47 PM
P: 583
"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life - daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."

-Victor Frankl
Gokul43201
#31
Sep26-04, 09:56 PM
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Quote Quote by The_Professional
"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us."
-Victor Frankl
Riddle : What came first, the Frankl or the JFK ?

They were contemp's, weren't they ?
Janitor
#32
Sep26-04, 10:21 PM
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Said by a weary wife in Chicago:

Da Bulls. Da Bears. Da-vorce.
Janitor
#33
Sep26-04, 10:23 PM
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Said by Coach Frank Kush after his placekicker missed a field goal that would have won the game:

He couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a handful of popcorn.
Moonbear
#34
Sep26-04, 10:24 PM
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"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
George Burns

I just came across this one recently and really thought it was great (George Burns was such a great comedian).

There are some more serious ones I'm fond of, but I'd have to look them up to get them right.
Gokul43201
#35
Sep26-04, 10:35 PM
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This is all your fault, Moonbear.

Here's a few Woody Allen gems :

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him 'be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
humanino
#36
Sep26-04, 11:11 PM
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BoulderHead, that is really outrageously gross



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