Register to reply

Are Intelligent, Socially Awkward Males Unsuccessful Women Due to Being Shallow?

Share this thread:
cronxeh
#55
Jul2-10, 11:50 AM
PF Gold
cronxeh's Avatar
P: 1,236
i will admit the possibility that i am wrong if you admit the possibility that compulsive sex addiction lowers self esteem
lisab
#56
Jul2-10, 12:00 PM
Mentor
lisab's Avatar
P: 2,987
Quote Quote by cronxeh View Post
i will admit the possibility that i am wrong if you admit the possibility that compulsive sex addiction lowers self esteem
Of course it does, for both men and women. But you're saying that a 27-year-old woman who has had four lovers in her life, all in monogamous relationships, is a compulsive sex addict? That's totally bogus.
SouthGoingZax
#57
Jul2-10, 12:03 PM
P: n/a
You know, it's funny: I forget which post, but someone mentioned that his interactions with a girl sort of improved his confidence and made him more able to approach another girl later on.

Freshman year of undergrad, there was a guy in my hallway who was cute and brilliant but SO painfully awkward. My roomate and I used to giggle because he'd turn bright red and start fidgeting every time we even said hi to him. One night he was playing Go in the common area and I sat down with him and we started talking. I knew he was doing research with one of the physics profs, and when I asked him about it, he totally came alive and was more articulate than I'd ever seen him. After that, we ended up hanging out, playing chess or Go in one of our rooms a lot, studying together, etc.

I would have loved to have dated him, but I felt like I couldn't have the full responsibility of a relationship at the time, because I was having to study so much. I think he was in the same boat too. So we kept hanging out, ended up kissing and cuddling a few times, but nothing more. We never put a label on it. The funny thing was, as the semester went on, I started noticing that his demeanor changed: he would seek people out more often, was more outspoken in class and in general, and even started going to the gym. I don't know if it was just a product of coming into his own having hit college, but I can't help but think maybe having some female interaction boosted his confidence a bit too.
cronxeh
#58
Jul2-10, 12:08 PM
PF Gold
cronxeh's Avatar
P: 1,236
bogus based on what? I said 2 is too many, 4 is greater than 2. You see the logic here? She did not have to have sex with any of them or she would've stayed with guy #3 or #4. The fact is, the next guy she has sex with is not going to be her last, hence compulsive sex
SouthGoingZax
#59
Jul2-10, 12:25 PM
P: n/a
You know, it's funny: I forget which post, but someone mentioned that his interactions with a girl sort of improved his confidence and made him more able to approach another girl later on.

Freshman year of undergrad, there was a guy in my hallway who was cute and brilliant but SO painfully awkward. My roomate and I used to giggle because he'd turn bright red and start fidgeting every time we even said hi to him. One night he was playing Go in the common area and I sat down with him and we started talking. I knew he was doing research with one of the physics profs, and when I asked him about it, he totally came alive and was more articulate than I'd ever seen him. After that, we ended up hanging out, playing chess or Go in one of our rooms a lot, studying together, etc.

I would have loved to have dated him, but I felt like I couldn't have the full responsibility of a relationship at the time, because I was having to study so much. I think he was in the same boat too. So we kept hanging out, ended up kissing and cuddling a few times, but nothing more. We never put a label on it. The funny thing was, as the semester went on, I started noticing that his demeanor changed: he would seek people out more often, was more outspoken in class and in general, and even started going to the gym. I don't know if it was just a product of coming into his own having hit college, but I can't help but think maybe having some female interaction boosted his confidence a bit too.
lisab
#60
Jul2-10, 12:52 PM
Mentor
lisab's Avatar
P: 2,987
Quote Quote by cronxeh View Post
bogus based on what? I said 2 is too many, 4 is greater than 2. You see the logic here? She did not have to have sex with any of them or she would've stayed with guy #3 or #4. The fact is, the next guy she has sex with is not going to be her last, hence compulsive sex
You think 2 is too many over a course of probably 10 years?!? For Mother Teresa, maybe!

Maybe they were all lousy lovers.
SouthGoingZax
#61
Jul2-10, 01:13 PM
P: n/a
Lousy? No way. Get rid of the pocket protector, and set aside the glasses (so they don't break) and you'd be surprised. Muahahhaaha.
cronxeh
#62
Jul2-10, 01:21 PM
PF Gold
cronxeh's Avatar
P: 1,236
yeah im already not surprised
DaveC426913
#63
Jul2-10, 02:32 PM
DaveC426913's Avatar
P: 15,319
croxeh, can you please clarify:
After you had sex once, you've committed biologically to that person whether you like it or not. Something happens, you breakup or whatever and you go on a little spree there and find yourself another mate. Guess what? You are now cheating on your first commitment with the second guy.
1] Is it symmetrical? i.e. does it apply to both men and women?
2] Are you saying that the first act of sex bonds you to that person for life, both biologically and morally? If that's not what you're saying, I'm missing it. If so, can you please back this up?
cronxeh
#64
Jul2-10, 02:57 PM
PF Gold
cronxeh's Avatar
P: 1,236
Quote Quote by DaveC426913 View Post
croxeh, can you please clarify:

1] Is it symmetrical? i.e. does it apply to both men and women?
2] Are you saying that the first act of sex bonds you to that person for life, both biologically and morally? If that's not what you're saying, I'm missing it. If so, can you please back this up?
1. I think it equally applies to both sexes

2. It doesn't bind you for life, just releases biological incentive to be physiologically bonded to that mate, and creates a psychological desire by positive reinforcement. Vasopressin makes you protective of your mate. Oxytocin promotes bonding by building trust and recognizing the scent of the baby or the mate and favorably responding to it. It is the hormone that makes you 'swoon' and cuddly with someone. During sex both of these hormones are released.

Dopamine spike from being with someone gives you the pleasure but also creates addiction on par with cocaine use. Serotonin spike makes you fantasize about your lover, creates vivid sex depictions in your mind where sex actually takes place. It cures depression and makes you a lovestruck crackhead, literally.

Addiction, dependence, reinforcement, and psychological answer to the life's greatest question of purpose and existence are answered when you are high and in love
Evo
#65
Jul2-10, 03:20 PM
Mentor
Evo's Avatar
P: 26,545
Quote Quote by cronxeh View Post
Addiction, dependence, reinforcement, and psychological answer to the life's greatest question of purpose and existence are answered when you are high and in love
But people fall out of love and no longer have feelings toward that person or even loathe and despise that person.

I don't see a problem with having sex with your current "love", no matter how many relationships. I don't even think love has to be a factor, just two consenting adults. Now that there is very reliable birth control, there is no need to continue with the taboo of pre-marital sex that once had a purpose to prevent unwanted pregnancies.
cronxeh
#66
Jul2-10, 06:42 PM
PF Gold
cronxeh's Avatar
P: 1,236
Quote Quote by Evo View Post
But people fall out of love and no longer have feelings toward that person or even loathe and despise that person.

I don't see a problem with having sex with your current "love", no matter how many relationships. I don't even think love has to be a factor, just two consenting adults. Now that there is very reliable birth control, there is no need to continue with the taboo of pre-marital sex that once had a purpose to prevent unwanted pregnancies.
Nothing lasts of course, and you end up drifting apart and splitting. After a while you find someone else and then go through the motions again, so in the end the whole point was about procreation. Ensure attraction, bond, and enough jumba juice to last through the gestation and infancy.

That is why life is pointless, as it insists upon itself.
Math Is Hard
#67
Jul2-10, 11:01 PM
Emeritus
Sci Advisor
PF Gold
Math Is Hard's Avatar
P: 4,922
A person doesn't always bond with a person they have sex with. Sometimes they do, sure. But other times, sex can just be for recreation (a la friends with benefits), and that's the end of it. Still other times, a person might wake up hung over on New Year's morning next to their best friend's creepy brother and actually feel repulsed and start considering gnawing an arm off to escape. But, I digress.

Anyway, I don't see this "biological commitment' from sex idea as a universal truth. Everyone's different.
AUK 1138
#68
Jul3-10, 04:34 AM
P: 25
Quote Quote by Math Is Hard View Post
Anyway, I don't see this "biological commitment' from sex idea as a universal truth. Everyone's different.
if you knew what he was saying you'd understand. commitment was a poor word choice, imo. i would have said "sex makes you biologically predisposed to want to have sex with the same person again." which, isn't really anything shocking. and sure, everyone is different, but unless you have some kind of abnormality, your body will secrete hormones when you bone.
cronxeh
#69
Jul3-10, 04:53 AM
PF Gold
cronxeh's Avatar
P: 1,236
Ever notice how you tend to be attracted to similar looking people, seek out pornographic material of women that look or resemble your ex or someone with similar features? The mind is trying to hang on to it, trying to gather more incentive to rekindle the fantasy and build familiarity with the person and trust.

I think everyone should get a bilaterial sine-wave electroshock treatment after a breakup. Its just the only healthy alternative to suffering.
lisab
#70
Jul3-10, 11:53 AM
Mentor
lisab's Avatar
P: 2,987
Quote Quote by cronxeh View Post
Ever notice how you tend to be attracted to similar looking people, seek out pornographic material of women that look or resemble your ex or someone with similar features? The mind is trying to hang on to it, trying to gather more incentive to rekindle the fantasy and build familiarity with the person and trust.

I think everyone should get a bilaterial sine-wave electroshock treatment after a breakup. Its just the only healthy alternative to suffering.
Wow, cronxeh...you must have gone through a hell of a bad break-up .
DanP
#71
Jul7-10, 05:11 AM
P: 630
Quote Quote by cronxeh View Post
...seek out pornographic material of women that look or resemble your ex or someone with similar features?
Pornography calls for diversity
DaveC426913
#72
Jul7-10, 08:43 AM
DaveC426913's Avatar
P: 15,319
Quote Quote by cronxeh View Post
2. It doesn't bind you for life, just releases biological incentive to be physiologically bonded to that mate, and creates a psychological desire by positive reinforcement. Vasopressin makes you protective of your mate. Oxytocin promotes bonding by building trust and recognizing the scent of the baby or the mate and favorably responding to it. It is the hormone that makes you 'swoon' and cuddly with someone. During sex both of these hormones are released.

Dopamine spike from being with someone gives you the pleasure but also creates addiction on par with cocaine use. Serotonin spike makes you fantasize about your lover, creates vivid sex depictions in your mind where sex actually takes place. It cures depression and makes you a lovestruck crackhead, literally.

Addiction, dependence, reinforcement, and psychological answer to the life's greatest question of purpose and existence are answered when you are high and in love
C'man! You've jumped from a release of endorphins via sex straight to calling them a mate in your very first sentence. All the rest hinges on that.

This is tantamount to saying that because one chocolate bar makes me feel nummy in my tummy, that all other foods are ruined for me.


Register to reply

Related Discussions
How do you read the flirting traffic signals women send men? General Discussion 48
Southern Baptist Family Values - Women Should Submit Graciously to Husbands ? Current Events 14
The Onion: Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity - Intelligent Falling Theory General Discussion 14
New Intelligent Falling theory General Discussion 4
Godlike Massively Intelligent Machines General Discussion 5