What falling in love feels like to you

Chronos

The only woman who ever annoyed me forgot to lock the door when she left. I ran into her again a year later. She was annoyed I did not hate her.

cronxeh

I should think i am fortunate enough to not have ended up with this girl. Can you imagine being with an egotistical psycho who has a mini nervous breakdown everyday and thinks of herself as morally superior to most other people? I am lucky it ended

FrancisZ

She must have had some quality that made her a good person in your eyes, to begin with. Perhaps you were meant to teach each other something.

Edin_Dzeko

there's no reaching through to cron. Guy has let "the game" get to his head
he liked her, she turned him down and it's only natural that he now holds that view of her. Like a guy going out with a girl and it doesn't work and he hates her or starts to hold a bad view of her. ex, "she's a b***"

Galteeth

In response to someone who said that love was a delusion: This is ontologically meaningless. In order for love to be a delusion, it would have to contain some kind of statement about observable reality that could be falsified. While love can lead to delusions, it makes no sense to say that it is in and of itself a delusion. It is a subjective emotional experience, and as such is as real as the person experiencing it believes it to be. The fact that it is the result of physical states of the brain should not come as a surprise, nor does it have anything to do with its reality. All experiences are emergent properties of the brain in some sense. The only things that can be delusions are statements that can reference something outside of one's own experience.

This reminds me of something I was trying to explain to a friend of mine who has some pretty bizarre beliefs. He long held a belief that he was the "smartest man man in the world" because he had realized that his goal, and everyone else's, was to be happy. He would hold that he was much smarter then people who has more knowledge, more technical skill, or a larger world view, because they wasted time with things (such as acquiring knowledge) that while they were doing them did not result in them being happy. He would challenge me saying something to the effect of "I don't think you agree with my idea that I am the smartest man in the world, and how could you not?"
I would respond by saying that I simply couldn't agree or disagree, because he hadn't defined "smartness" in a meaningful way. Under his definition, smartness related to the ability of one to experience happiness as much as possible. Since "happiness" as he was defining it was not quantifiable, it was not meaningful to contend that his assertion.
I would say that to the extent I disagreed, i was using a different definition of "smartness" and "happiness' then he was. He would argue that these were false definitions, and his was clearly the true definition (In other words, accepting any other definition of "happiness" lead to one not being happy as much as possible, and thus was an indicator of lack of "smartness.") I explained, with some difficulty, the concept of a tautology to him, and then came the true genius stroke of his philosophy. He reasoned that since his tautological reasoning lead to a "true" statement that he was the happiest human being, and thus the smartest, and my inability to accept tautological reasoning resulted in me not being the happiest human being, he was happier and therefore smarter.


The point of that story is that it is useless to apply the categories of truth to ill-defined subjective emotional states.

Galteeth

Note: This is not meant to be a personal commentary on anyone specific, just a commentary based on observations from sources that sell a "game philosophy" to dating.



I think this "game" nonsense is such a predatory piece of modern culture. People who sell their "game" strategies prey on people who have difficulty with relationships. They make them think their desire for a real relationship is a weakness, and that to succeed they need to abandon such notions and become psychologically manipulative. While this *may* help them with getting laid, it will not result in a successful relationship, only one that is based on dishonesty and manipulation.
Oftentimes the advice is valid but for the wrong reasons. For example, if you meet someone, and genuinely do make an amazing connection with them, there's nothing wrong with calling them the next day. The reason calling someone the next day is usually not a good idea is because amazing connections are exceedingly rare, and casual encounters are just that, casual encounters. People come off as desperate and needy often because they are, in fact, desperate and needy. Instead of taking a hard look at themselves, they take the easy way out, pretending to be something they're not.
It's akin to "miracle tonics" that would "cure" diseases by being mostly opium.

Edin_Dzeko

I recently got brain washed by that and now I'm trying to repair my life and get back to good ol Mr. Niceguy

cronxeh

Galteeth, I don't know whether to laugh or be sad at everything you've typed up thus far. The ramblings on the delusions are just that, your opinions that do not actually refute or repudiate any claims. It is an attempt at philosophy, but without actual arguments and facts its just palaver. The 'game' works. What is a 'successful' relationship in your mind? The objective is to get laid, period. It is not about getting to know the woman on a personal level - that is what friendship is for.

I am weary of talking on the matter. It just bores me now. Good night and good luck.

Edin_Dzeko

that's where you're wrong. You can screw as many women as you want but eventually you'll get bored and tired of that lifestyle and want something "real". Someone you can call the next day, and see....AGAIN! Someone to share life with. You want to live life by following your "jimmy" what happens when your "jimmy" stops working 'cept for urinating?? What then?? There's more to life ESPECIALLY women than just "screwing". "screwing"'s such a nice experience made to be shared by two people why not someone "special"?? I'm done with that lifestyle. Sure I might be unfortunate and get a share of broken hearts and feeling lonely but in the end it'll be worth it when I get that "one"

Galteeth

In that case, why not just solicit prostitutes? It's far more efficient.

cronxeh

All relationships eventually end. You can either search your whole life for that perfect one just to have her leave or depart eventually, or you can live in the moment. Living in the moment, whether being with one particular person or being alone is no different than being with multiple women who don't particularly want to be 'tied down' or settle. You simply don't get the perfect relationship, but rather a collage of little surprises and happy moments. If you are fortunate enough to be in love with a girl who is in love with you, then you should cherish it, stick to it, and give it your all. Its only when you've given it your all and failed, that you can truly learn the meaning of life.

DanP

A long term relation is a chain of negotiation and compromises. Some will work, others will be barely functional, others will fail. Not all relationships end, I seen a small number of ppl who are happy and still together after a lifetime.

You live. It should be enough. Why do so many humans believe there must be a "meaning" to their existence ? Shut up an calculate

cronxeh

Negative on both. All relationships end in one of several ways: either one of the partners dies or you separate. There is a meaning in existence in that you are born to die, you never get a linear response for your actions, and it is the most exciting and rewarding to be in love. The meaning is to suffer through the delusion of being happy, meanwhile setting yourself up for the real misery in the process.

The more you live the older you get, the more you confess love - the farther the other partner drifts away (gets bored of hearing it, or just revolts in fear), the more you try - the harder you fail, the more you speak - the more opposing views surface. I can go on but this is the hilarious part - the more I describe the more someone will disagree

DanP

Martyrdom philosophy ? Just live Cron. Whatever that chick did to you, in time you'll forget it all :P

Sure Cron, if you bat her head everyday with your opinions and your love and whatever else, you'll just suffocate her :P Recall the basic law of interpersonal relationships ? Affection must be reciprocated always in the right amount. What about trying what I said, negotiations (you know, that process where both parts speak, not only one :P ), instead of hammering your feelings and your needs into her ?

And another basic truth is that you can love her, you can respect her, you could do everything for her, and she just might not care. Because she doesn't want all those things from you, she wants them from another man. And there is squat you can do about it.

Too often I heard "I would do so much for him//her,and he/she doesn't care". I think this is what you mean with "liner response". Just recognize that she doesnt want you, she wants another one, and move away. There is no need for "unhappiness is the most cool thing in love". It is not.

cronxeh

Hey its not about any particular person for me. And how is this about me, again? I never hammer anything into anyone, if anything I am a minimalist on the outside, its the inside of my mind that is a brewing caldron of passion. I don't chase after them, I let the dance of life take its course. You give, you take it back, its all a spiral.

Like you said, linear response is what its all about. Another guy could put a fraction of the effort and do the exact same things and get an amplified response. Life is non-linear, hilarious and ironic, and all relationships end. Friendships, parents, coworkers, partners, bf/gf, spouses. Both interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships end. Heck, even your relationship with your body eventually ends and it fails on you.

Galteeth

Getting a little eastern? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sa%E1%B...81ra_(Buddhism)

cronxeh

I hope not. All their talk about suffering and assumptions they make from everyday, disconnected objects that have no meaning to the original argument just make me think that Buddhism is yet another form of delusional rhetoric that clouds the mind from clarity.

To me, life is all about pleasure. Its like a long island iced tea. Part epicurean, part absurdism, part chaos theory, and vodka. Occasionally I like some mint leaves like Salvia divinorum in my long island iced tea