Lame Jokes


by quddusaliquddus
Tags: jokes, lame
nismaratwork
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#847
Feb23-11, 11:58 AM
P: 2,281
Quote Quote by FtlIsAwesome View Post
Bob was an astronaut, but he's not anymore. He landed on an object he thought had a mass of 4x1024, in kilograms.


It was actually in gigagrams.

That's what happens when you use a slide-rule upside down...
FtlIsAwesome
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#848
Feb23-11, 09:10 PM
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Quote Quote by Borek View Post
It adds new meaning to the statement "check your units" that we see so often at PF.
Wow! I didn't know my jokes had hidden meaning...
FtlIsAwesome
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#849
Feb23-11, 09:15 PM
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There are 10 types of people in this world: those who know ternary, those who don't, and those who thought this was going to be a binary statement.


There are 10 types of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.


There is 10 type of people in this world: those who know that this statement is a paradox.


There are 10 types of people in this world: well, apparently this world is uninhabited.
Lancelot59
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#850
Feb23-11, 09:28 PM
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Quote Quote by nismaratwork View Post
That's what happens when you use a slide-rule upside down...
I wish I knew how to use one of those.
FtlIsAwesome
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#851
Feb23-11, 09:31 PM
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Quote Quote by nismaratwork View Post
That's what happens when you use a slide-rule upside down...
I have a calculator. What happens if you use it upside-down?
Jimmy Snyder
Jimmy Snyder is offline
#852
Feb23-11, 09:52 PM
P: 2,163
Quote Quote by FtlIsAwesome View Post
I have a calculator. What happens if you use it upside-down?
Try 2578 x 3 and see what breaks out.
Lancelot59
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#853
Feb23-11, 09:59 PM
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Enter this into your calculator:

7251*8

and turn it upside down.
nismaratwork
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#854
Feb24-11, 12:04 AM
P: 2,281
Quote Quote by FtlIsAwesome View Post
I have a calculator. What happens if you use it upside-down?
Your cock's crow falls flat.

@Lancelot59: No you don't.
Lancelot59
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#855
Feb24-11, 12:07 AM
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Quote Quote by nismaratwork View Post
Your cock's crow falls flat.

@Lancelot59: No you don't.
Well I'd like to learn for the same reason I'd like to learn assembly. Fascination with old stuff. Plus when world war 3 happens calculators won't work anymore.
nismaratwork
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#856
Feb24-11, 12:11 AM
P: 2,281
Quote Quote by Lancelot59 View Post
Well I'd like to learn for the same reason I'd like to learn assembly. Fascination with old stuff. Plus when world war 3 happens calculators won't work anymore.


Yes, there is that... so you learned assembly?! Heh... did you want to program an OS, or was it really pure fascination with the guts of the machine?
Lancelot59
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#857
Feb24-11, 12:17 AM
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Quote Quote by nismaratwork View Post


Yes, there is that... so you learned assembly?! Heh... did you want to program an OS, or was it really pure fascination with the guts of the machine?
I haven't yet. I want to though...I want to learn too many things.
IMP
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#858
Feb24-11, 10:26 AM
P: 71
A Letter to the Men's Help Line:

Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, last night I hid in the shed behind the boat. About midnight she came home and got out of someone's car while buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.

Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
Lancelot59
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#859
Feb24-11, 10:28 AM
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Quote Quote by IMP View Post
A Letter to the Men's Help Line:

Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, last night I hid in the shed behind the boat. About midnight she came home and got out of someone's car while buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.

Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
I laughed. He must be an engineer of some sort.
Femme_physics
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#860
Feb25-11, 03:31 PM
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Quote Quote by IMP View Post
A Letter to the Men's Help Line:

Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, last night I hid in the shed behind the boat. About midnight she came home and got out of someone's car while buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.

Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
Funniest joke I heard in a while :D
Lancelot59
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#861
Feb25-11, 11:13 PM
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P: 668
On that subject:

Lacy33
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#862
Feb25-11, 11:37 PM
P: 335
Lancelot59! This was up as the page refreshed when I came around the corner. I laughed so loud and unexpectedly, I think everyone is up now. That is FUNNY!
sourlemon
sourlemon is offline
#863
Feb25-11, 11:42 PM
P: 80
lolz I cracked up seeing the check too.
mugaliens
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#864
Feb26-11, 12:38 AM
P: 594
Most people nowadays think it improper to discipline children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of 'those moments.'

Since I'm a pilot, one that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a flight during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behavior. I don't know whether it's the steady vibration from the engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc. Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our flight together.

I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique...

Most people nowadays think it improper to discipline children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of 'those moments.'

Since I'm a pilot, one that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a flight during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behavior. I don't know whether it's the steady vibration from the engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc. Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our flight together. I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique...



Please bear in mind this is a photoshopped JOKE. I am NOT the pilot, and this is NOT my son.


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