Favourite Quotes

Gokul43201

This is all your fault, Moonbear.

Here's a few Woody Allen gems :

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him 'be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

humanino

BoulderHead, that is really outrageously gross

Gokul43201

Like I said before...

Now it's too late to stem the flow of crassitude.

string_theory

simply wonderful, thank you for bringing it here...

Smurf

"Ideas are far more powerfull than guns, we don't let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have Ideas"
-Josef Stalin

"Religion is the opiate of the masses."
-Karl Marx

"If women are expected to do the same work as men, we must teach them the same things as men."
-Plato

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
-Aristotle

"I am dying with the help of too many physicians."
-Alexander, King of Macedon.

string_theory

this sucks...

Smurf

you suck...

Gokul43201

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners. - unknown

string_theory

f... u

I did not say anything to u...

I said to what Marx said.

Smurf

I don't get that, weren't vacuum cleaners around before Microsoft??

i_wish_i_was_smart

he is saying that the vacuum wont suck up dirt and stuff, therefore it wont suck, nd it doesnt matter if microsoft was around before or after vacuums

i_wish_i_was_smart

here is one i like
"tread softly, for you are treading on my dreams"yeats

"some poeple dont see the light until it comes shining through bullet holes"

BoulderHead

Yeah, after the drugs wore off I decided to delete the post...but, here's a couple more from the same animal;


I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming...They don't know I'm only using blanks.
-Emo Phillips

I ran three miles today, finally I said "lady take your purse."
-Emo Phillips

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
-Emo Phillips

jimmy p

"I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Weggie Kray."

I like that one!

Dagenais

Here are a few I like from 2 favourite shows, I had quite a bit of trouble choosing:

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.


Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.


"I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum."
- George, in "The Parking Garage"


"So you feel 'women and children first' in this day and age is somewhat of an antiquated notion."
"To some degree."
"So, basically, it's every man, woman, child and invalid for themselves."
"In a manner of speaking."
"Well, that's honest."
"She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals."
"Well, perhaps when she's released from the burn center she'll see things more clearly."
- Jerry and George, in "The Fire"


"You don't know my name, do you?"
"Yes I do."
"What is it?"
"It, uh, rhymes with a female body part."
"What is it?"
"Mulva..."
- Dolores and Jerry, in "The Junior Mints"


"We only wake you up for the important meetings."
- Yankee exec, to George, in "The Comeback"

Smurf

You forgot:
Homer: If at first you don't succeed, cheat untill caught, then lie.

ShawnD

Trying is the first step towards failing.