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Women are crazy. Interpret this text exchange for me, please

by Jack21222
Tags: crazy, exchange, interpret, text, women
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I like Serena
#19
Oct1-11, 08:08 PM
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Perhaps I'm missing something, but we only have a few short lines of conversation.
She impulsively shows her disappointment.
Nothing has really been said how this works out.

Hopefully at a later time she apologizes (she did the other time).
And he doesn't really have to play along... I think it suffices to show some sympathy for her disappointment.
Evo
#20
Oct1-11, 08:17 PM
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Quote Quote by I like Serena View Post
Perhaps I'm missing something, but we only have a few short lines of conversation.
She impulsively shows her disappointment.
Nothing has really been said how this works out.

Hopefully at a later time she apologizes (she did the other time).
And he doesn't really have to play along... I think it suffices to show some sympathy for her disappointment.
Unless Jack is misrepresenting things, that wasn't disappointment. That was lashing out for an imaginary wrong. There is a big difference. Normal would be, "Ok, but I'd really love to make you breakfast some time".

That woman has a photo album in her closet with the photoshopped images of their future children. That was a movie. How to lose a guy in 10 days, or something.
micromass
#21
Oct1-11, 08:42 PM
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Aww, come on, you're all being to hard for that poor girl OK, what she did was inappropriate and wrong and jack did nothing wrong.

But hey, I guess she was really looking forward to spend a breakfast with her favorite guy. She wanted to express her love for you by doing a nice thing. I can understand why she was hurt by your refusal.

OK, she is a little bit emotionally unstable. But I actually prefer women who are like that. It makes them far more interesting
Pengwuino
#22
Oct1-11, 08:45 PM
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Quote Quote by micromass View Post
OK, she is a little bit emotionally unstable. But I actually prefer women who are like that. It makes them far more interesting
"Interesting" the first few months turns into "I'm going to stab this woman and throw her in a ditch" after a few years and 2 children.
256bits
#23
Oct1-11, 08:55 PM
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Quote Quote by Evo View Post
I assume you're joking.

When you can't recognize boundaries, when your fantasy is imposed on others, when you can't recognize right from wrong, as this woman apparently can't, it's a problem. Nothing good can come from playing along with someone with these types of personality problems. There are plenty of normal women out there.

Her reaction was way out of bounds and inappropriate.


I predict that she dumps him in a week. Usually these thing happen when one is questioning the relationship, and at first glance he did not pass. Its normal behavior to test how your partner ( not necessarily with a partner but in any situation where a political choice is to be made - how else to bring out some semblance of the truth ) will react to a proposal that is vague. A direct request will impose a direct answer, and those answers can be predicted and no further information gained by the response.

In this situation she was letting him alone decide what response was to be given, and it was conveyed so as to have minimal input from her as to what was to be the expected correct response.
Response and expectaion could be YES, yes; YES, no, NO, yes and NO, no. We do not know what she expected or rationalized, and what the implications are.
( Rsponse in capitals and expectaion in lower case )

As mentioned earlier, there is more to the story as it is 3 months into, as Astoinuc pointed out. If it had happened in the first week, yeah she's a bit nutty.
But in 3 months it gets to the point where one will try to feel the other out, to find out what is really down there deep down inside - can the other be trusted for example.

The OP seems to "know" he did wrong but he iincorrectly justifies his behavior by labelling her as "crazy". Just by asking the question if she is crazy or not, puts himself in a better light as being the sane, perfect individual and her as the one with the problem -a useful tactic to sway opinion in his favour, and that is not right on his part.
If she does feel imposed upon when tactic is used on her than I do conclude that yes she is crazy.
Pengwuino
#24
Oct1-11, 08:58 PM
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Quote Quote by 256bits View Post
The OP seems to "know" he did wrong but he iincorrectly and justifies his behavior by labelling her as "crazy". Just by asking the question if she is crazy or not, puts himself in a better light as being the sane, perfect individual and her as the one with the problem -a useful tactic to sway opinion in his favour, and that is not right on his part.
If she does feel imposed upon when tactic is used on her than I do conclude that yes she is crazy.
She may not be crazy, but she is intentionally trying to sabotage the relationship even if she doesn't realize it. People who "test" their significant other are usually very insecure and will forever test them until the person fails and they have an excuse to run away from the person.
PBechthold
#25
Oct1-11, 09:24 PM
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Quote Quote by Jack21222 View Post
There's actually a section of the textbook for my "diversity" gen ed class (Teaching and Learning in a Diverse Society) that deals with this. The text gives the example of a man on a road trip with his wife or girlfriend, when she sees a restaurant and asks "Do you want to stop at this place and eat?" The man responds "No, lets keep going," not realizing that she was actually saying "I'm hungry, please stop here." The woman is then mad for the rest of the drive.
That might have been written about me. In 6 years of dating (now common-law) a very special woman, we have bickered and loved each other like crazy. We get along a lot better when, as another user said, you just roll with it. I think, in general, men are pretty easy going and when given lame-*** propositions like "what do you want to about breakfast?" we immediately answer with a lame-*** answer. That get's us in trouble and no pants parties.

So, to answer your question, She overreacted. You under-reacted. Equal fault? No, you have a dick, so it is your fault.
Jack21222
#26
Oct1-11, 10:50 PM
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Quote Quote by Evo View Post
Unless Jack is misrepresenting things, that wasn't disappointment. That was lashing out for an imaginary wrong. There is a big difference. Normal would be, "Ok, but I'd really love to make you breakfast some time".

That woman has a photo album in her closet with the photoshopped images of their future children. That was a movie. How to lose a guy in 10 days, or something.
Those were exact quotes from my phone.

The only part I left out was between when she originally asked about breakfast and when she returned to "let me know about breakfast" (the first line in my OP), I asked what she had in mind for breakfast. She told me, and then asked "why?" I responded that what was for breakfast would play into my decision, and that I'd think about it.

Quote Quote by Evo
Wow, twice in 3 months? How did she explain a second event?
She didn't, really. I just assumed she was tired, it was 1am and I had woken her up so she could go home. She had no intention of staying the night because she had work the next morning. She didn't like that, but apologized the next day for what she said.

Quote Quote by 256bits
I predict that she dumps him in a week. Usually these thing happen when one is questioning the relationship, and at first glance he did not pass. Its normal behavior to test how your partner ( not necessarily with a partner but in any situation where a political choice is to be made - how else to bring out some semblance of the truth ) will react to a proposal that is vague. A direct request will impose a direct answer, and those answers can be predicted and no further information gained by the response.
I guess to me, a relationship isn't about silly tests and games. Maybe back in high school it was, but she's 27 and I'm 28. If she wants to know something, she can ask directly. This cryptic hidden meaning crap is not for me.

Before this gal, I had been on a 3 year break from relationships. I might have to return to that if this keeps up.
Borek
#27
Oct2-11, 03:38 AM
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Quote Quote by Jack21222 View Post
This is the second time she's done this, and I've only been dating her for 3 months. She apologized after the first time, saying "I don't know what all that was about."
Pengwuino
#28
Oct2-11, 03:52 AM
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Quote Quote by Borek View Post
+1. Genius Borek.
MarcoD
#29
Oct2-11, 04:49 AM
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Personally, I always thought that when women aren't crazy once in a while they're not doing their job right. But I later noticed that that also explains my rather lousy track record.
TheStatutoryApe
#30
Oct2-11, 04:55 AM
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Quote Quote by PBechthold View Post
So, to answer your question, She overreacted. You under-reacted. Equal fault? No, you have a dick, so it is your fault.
I suppose if one wants to be in a relationship where one is playing a role instead of being oneself that could work out. Personally I'm pretty tired of women who want me to play the role they have scripted for me rather than just liking me for who I am.
Pengwuino
#31
Oct2-11, 04:59 AM
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This is going to make for some great chat room convo today
BobG
#32
Oct2-11, 06:50 AM
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Quote Quote by Jack21222 View Post
Alright, so my girlfriend and I are planning to go to the Renaissance Fair tomorrow morning. I'd leave my house around 8:30 and pick her up at 9. She offered to cook me breakfast tomorrow morning before we leave, but I declined, since I'd already be waking up at 8am as it is, and I don't want to wake up even earlier.

Anyway, now she's mad at me. I feel as if I did nothing wrong, and she's just being crazy. She probably feels as if I'm being an unreasonable jerk, and that she did nothing wrong.

So, am I a jerk, or is she crazy? Here is the exact text message exchange:



Please advise.
Breakfast before 9? As you mentioned, it's impossible to get up early enough to get ready to make a half hour drive so you can have breakfast at 8, or even earlier?!

Clearly, she was inviting you to spend the night and the invitation flew completely over your head. Your response was to discuss logistics. Clearly, there's only two possibilities - spending the night with her just isn't worth the trouble or you're so hopelessly inept at the subtle communications of romance that you're just not worth the trouble.

Or at least assuming the breakfast invitation was an invitation to spend the night (even if turned out not to be) would have changed the tone of the conversation and kept you out of trouble.
zoobyshoe
#33
Oct2-11, 07:03 AM
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Quote Quote by Evo View Post
This is not a "woman thing". This is about control, selfishness, and caring only about her feelings. An emotionally normal person would have said, "Ok".
Yeah, it's important to be aware that unstable guys often do the same thing. They'll offer to fix a girl's car, or the squeaky hinge on her door, etc. in order to get the girl feeling obligated. If a guy gets insistent or pushy when you refuse an offer of help: red flag.
ArcanaNoir
#34
Oct2-11, 07:04 AM
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letting what she was planning for breakfast play into your decision does go against etiquette. If someone invited you for dinner, would you respond, "I'll come if I like what you're making"? So that part, at least probably wasn't your best manners. You should have stuck with the "it's too early" excuse.
Jack21222
#35
Oct2-11, 07:14 AM
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Quote Quote by ArcanaNoir View Post
letting what she was planning for breakfast play into your decision does go against etiquette. If someone invited you for dinner, would you respond, "I'll come if I like what you're making"?
Yes, I absolutely would, and often have. I don't think it's poor etiquette to ask what I'll be eating before deciding whether to go. Surely it would be MUCH WORSE etiquette to accept the invitation, and then refuse to eat because I don't like what they made.

About an hour passed between when she told me what she was making (which I do generally like) and when the quoted conversation in the OP took place. The logistics were the only thing that played into my decision once I had time to think about it.

Anyway, I just texted her to make sure we'll still going. I'm leaving in 10 minutes if so, and I'm still not dressed yet.
rhody
#36
Oct2-11, 10:08 AM
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Quote Quote by Pengwuino View Post
This is going to make for some great chat room convo today
Pengy,

I agree with you, Borek, and Evo's comments, text messages don't lie, the evidence is there for all to see and review. Insecure and controlling are appropriate word's I would use as well.

On a positive note, sometimes instead of being the vehicle to highlight a problem, text's can actually be used to work through problem's in a relationship, because, first, they take longer to communicate than speech, you can carefully consider and pick your words carefully to deliver your message with great clarity, no room for interpretation, if there are nuances during the session, you can correct or clarify to the other party. It worked for me recently and my wife agreed it was better than talking in elevated tones filibustering one another, plenty gets lost in that exchange, let me tell you. But not with the slower pace of text's.

Peng, I hope you didn't take my comment in the chat quiz seriously, it was all good fun, I love you wicked sense of humor, and imitation is a form of flattery, eh ?

Rhody...


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