Women are crazy. Interpret this text exchange for me, please

Evo

Yes, I agree if it's a serious relationship. I'd missed the past couple of pages and I thought I missed another discussion.

rootX

6/7 "serious relationship" in 10 years!

... these threads make me feel bad about myself

billiards

It's clear as day that something's broken and he's not interested at all in fixing it.

My conclusion: he doesn't like her. Why bother yourself to do anything you don't want to do if the prize is undesired?

DaveC426913

I said "going to".

Obviously she had "invested" in the idea and was looking forward to it.

DaveC426913

Agreed. He has as much as said so more than once.

Which raises the question: why did he post here? Hoping to get support, so he can dump her without guilt?

Jack21222

I posted here initially because I was fairly stunned by the text exchange. That was the second of five stupid arguments we had in a short time span. My mood in this thread reflects my mood as the relationship was deteriorating, and not my mood at the beginning when I made the first post.

We had another stupid argument tonight, and afterwards, had a long (2+ hour) talk about the direction of the relationship and the arguments we have been having this past month. We seem to have come to the conclusion that we have too many fundamental differences in our outlook of relationships, plus the fact that I will likely be moving out of state for grad school next fall, and agreed that we should probably break up, but stopped short of making that official. It was getting late, and we agreed to pick up the discussion tomorrow.

Thing is, things were going very well for the first 3 months of the relationship, but month 4 has been really rough. I did fall in love with this girl, and I still really like her as a person. I just don't think I like her as a girlfriend. But, if you had asked me that a month ago, I would have told you that I loved her as a girlfriend.

This wasn't me just stringing her along for months at a time as some sort of cruel joke. I was honestly hoping that things would somehow turn around on their own with a return to the state things were in a month ago, but it never happened.

Evo

I think you have approached this honestly and rationally. Something that is much too rare, IMO.

I don't understand why people think decisions in relationships have to be irrational and emotionally charged. Or that you have to fake your feelings, or put them aside to give someone a false sense of security. That is so emotionally unhealthy for anyone, IMO.

micromass

The bolded text places her actions into more context, I wish you said that from the very beginning. Obviously, she feels threatened in the relationship and she is afraid of losing you. When you reject going to the movies with her or having breakfast with her, then she might take it as a rejection of her personally. Don't you understand that she loves you and doesn't want to lose you?? She might seem to ask irrational and crazy, but that's just superficial. In reality she acts that way because of a fear of losing you

Not all people are equal. Some people acts differently than others. I, personally, am an extremely emotional person. If my girlfriend were to be in love with another person then I would feel very insecure. I would probably react the same way a your girlfriend did: by being angry at stupid things. I know that this will drive us further apart, but it's really hard to stop it.

You both need to make (or had to make) an effort to make the relationship work. You had to talk with eachother. You had to let her express her fears and desires, and you had to acts accordingly (which does not mean giving in to every demand of hers!!). When she was lying upset on her bed, then it would be best to go lie next to her and comfort her. Say that you love her and ask what the real reason is why she's upset. You will soon find out that it's not about the twilight movie at all!! There are deeper reasons that she might be afraid to tell you!! Talking with your partner could do so much. Don't assume you know your partner, let them do the story.

She does realize that her behavior is irrational, I can see this from what you describe. But she can't help it: it's in the heat of the moment. It is you responsibility (as a partner) to have a decent chat with her in order to understand your partner better. Talk about her past, her fears, her needs and what she basically expect of you. Don't judge her. Once you know more about her, then you can make the relationship work.

I understand that you cannot save your relationship anymore. You probably both realized it long before now. But do take this as a lesson for the future and try not to make the same mistake again.

micromass

Yeah, the title of the thread is "women are crazy". Very rational.

Saying that he has been rational and his gf is crazy is just wrong. If a relationship fails, then it's most likely two persons that failed, not one. I understand that it's better for his ego to describe his gf as crazy, but it's just lying. He did make mistakes and so did she. Acknowledging this fact and not making the mistakes again is the best thing to do here.

Whenever my relations failed, I always search for faults in the other person. She could have done this, and that. She was selfish and crazy, blablabla. But that doesn't get me anywhere. Sooner or later, I'm bound to realize that I'm much more to blame then the other. After all, my actions triggered actions with the others.

I have noticed a profound lack of self-criticism with Jack, and I don't like that attitude at all. I hope he does get to the fact where he starts evaluating his own actions and starts thinking where he went wrong. Your relationship might have failed, but at least you can learn something from it!!

BobG

Whenever your relations fail? Or when one of you realizes it's the wrong relationship?

Breaking up doesn't mean either person failed.

Edin_Dzeko

hey, OP, is your girlfriend hot? . I bet she's really good looking. how tall is she?

Nano-Passion

The problem can always be traced back to a lack of communication between both of you. The way you replied back was that you didn't care, if you instead would have chosen your words more carefully it would have went much smoother. And she wasn't able to pinpoint what bothered her and communicate it effectively.

Profit
?
?
?

Edin_Dzeko

One, you don't know OP's girlfriend's personality to be able to correctly predict her response and reactions. All women are not the same. And you can't plug this "women want this or that" formula for every girl. Women aren't crazy. Text messaging is rather the real problem here. You just can never tell how the person means what they write. the OP's response might have been interpreted differently than was intended

Nano-Passion

It wasn't a prediction.. it was an example of practicing good communication.

Edin_Dzeko

you don't know his girl that well to "predict" accurately how she will react.

I loved your ending:

Me: I'm sorry, is it because I sounded un-caring? You know I love you babe.. Its just that tomorrow morning isn't the best of time for me. Is there any other time we can spend together?

Her: <3 <3 <3

Just classic.

But to stay on-topic. I don't think his girlfriend or women are crazy. I feel that the problem was simply a misunderstanding with the text messages. She misinterpreted what he intended.

DaveC426913

Edin, not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse. Nano has made it clear he is showing an example of good communication.

Sociopathy and neuroses aside, most people in general react well to good communication. Even if a particular person does not react as expected, it is still the best practice.

(You can't predict that a mountain lion will roll over and let you rub its belly, but even you have to admit you have a good bet about how to behave around one.)

Nano-Passion

I feel like he either always wants to pick a fallacious argument or is just trying to belittle any other statements.

Don't feed the troll.
Edin, 99% of the conversations with you and I were ones of fallacious arguments (started by you). Take it easy a bit, if your going to pick an argument then put up a good one and for the love of sake read and try to interpret the opposition with an open mind. What you constantly do is pick a sentence, take it out of context, and try to argue it (and fail). That in itself is a fallacy, attacking an opposing statement does not make yours any more right.

At any rate, in my opinion it isn't a misinterpretation but a poor choice of words. If I asked my girlfriend to something that means a lot to me and she replied "na I'll pass", I would be furious as a result.