Women are crazy. Interpret this text exchange for me, please


by Jack21222
Tags: crazy, exchange, interpret, text, women
micromass
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Oct22-11, 10:53 PM
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Quote Quote by Jack21222 View Post
I posted here initially because I was fairly stunned by the text exchange. That was the second of five stupid arguments we had in a short time span. My mood in this thread reflects my mood as the relationship was deteriorating, and not my mood at the beginning when I made the first post.

We had another stupid argument tonight, and afterwards, had a long (2+ hour) talk about the direction of the relationship and the arguments we have been having this past month. We seem to have come to the conclusion that we have too many fundamental differences in our outlook of relationships, plus the fact that I will likely be moving out of state for grad school next fall, and agreed that we should probably break up, but stopped short of making that official. It was getting late, and we agreed to pick up the discussion tomorrow.

Thing is, things were going very well for the first 3 months of the relationship, but month 4 has been really rough. I did fall in love with this girl, and I still really like her as a person. I just don't think I like her as a girlfriend. But, if you had asked me that a month ago, I would have told you that I loved her as a girlfriend.

This wasn't me just stringing her along for months at a time as some sort of cruel joke. I was honestly hoping that things would somehow turn around on their own with a return to the state things were in a month ago, but it never happened.
The bolded text places her actions into more context, I wish you said that from the very beginning. Obviously, she feels threatened in the relationship and she is afraid of losing you. When you reject going to the movies with her or having breakfast with her, then she might take it as a rejection of her personally. Don't you understand that she loves you and doesn't want to lose you?? She might seem to ask irrational and crazy, but that's just superficial. In reality she acts that way because of a fear of losing you

Not all people are equal. Some people acts differently than others. I, personally, am an extremely emotional person. If my girlfriend were to be in love with another person then I would feel very insecure. I would probably react the same way a your girlfriend did: by being angry at stupid things. I know that this will drive us further apart, but it's really hard to stop it.

You both need to make (or had to make) an effort to make the relationship work. You had to talk with eachother. You had to let her express her fears and desires, and you had to acts accordingly (which does not mean giving in to every demand of hers!!). When she was lying upset on her bed, then it would be best to go lie next to her and comfort her. Say that you love her and ask what the real reason is why she's upset. You will soon find out that it's not about the twilight movie at all!! There are deeper reasons that she might be afraid to tell you!! Talking with your partner could do so much. Don't assume you know your partner, let them do the story.

She does realize that her behavior is irrational, I can see this from what you describe. But she can't help it: it's in the heat of the moment. It is you responsibility (as a partner) to have a decent chat with her in order to understand your partner better. Talk about her past, her fears, her needs and what she basically expect of you. Don't judge her. Once you know more about her, then you can make the relationship work.

I understand that you cannot save your relationship anymore. You probably both realized it long before now. But do take this as a lesson for the future and try not to make the same mistake again.
micromass
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Oct22-11, 11:00 PM
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Quote Quote by Evo View Post
I think you have approached this honestly and rationally. Something that is much too rare, IMO.
Yeah, the title of the thread is "women are crazy". Very rational.

Saying that he has been rational and his gf is crazy is just wrong. If a relationship fails, then it's most likely two persons that failed, not one. I understand that it's better for his ego to describe his gf as crazy, but it's just lying. He did make mistakes and so did she. Acknowledging this fact and not making the mistakes again is the best thing to do here.

Whenever my relations failed, I always search for faults in the other person. She could have done this, and that. She was selfish and crazy, blablabla. But that doesn't get me anywhere. Sooner or later, I'm bound to realize that I'm much more to blame then the other. After all, my actions triggered actions with the others.

I have noticed a profound lack of self-criticism with Jack, and I don't like that attitude at all. I hope he does get to the fact where he starts evaluating his own actions and starts thinking where he went wrong. Your relationship might have failed, but at least you can learn something from it!!
BobG
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Oct23-11, 10:46 AM
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Quote Quote by micromass View Post
Whenever my relations failed, I always search for faults in the other person. She could have done this, and that. She was selfish and crazy, blablabla. But that doesn't get me anywhere. Sooner or later, I'm bound to realize that I'm much more to blame then the other. After all, my actions triggered actions with the others.
Whenever your relations fail? Or when one of you realizes it's the wrong relationship?

Breaking up doesn't mean either person failed.
Edin_Dzeko
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Nov4-11, 01:11 AM
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hey, OP, is your girlfriend hot? . I bet she's really good looking. how tall is she?
Nano-Passion
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Nov4-11, 01:20 AM
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The problem can always be traced back to a lack of communication between both of you. The way you replied back was that you didn't care, if you instead would have chosen your words more carefully it would have went much smoother. And she wasn't able to pinpoint what bothered her and communicate it effectively.

Her: Let me know about breakfast cause I'll need to take stuff out of the freezer tonight

Me: I'll pass on breakfast. Thanks anyway

Her: Thanks alot I won't offer anything ever again

Me: Wait, what bothered you? I'm Confused

Her: whatever

Me: I'm sorry, is it because I sounded un-caring? You know I love you babe.. Its just that tomorrow morning isn't the best of time for me. Is there any other time we can spend together?

Her: <3 <3 <3
Profit
?
?
?
Edin_Dzeko
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#132
Nov4-11, 01:41 AM
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Quote Quote by Nano-Passion View Post
The problem can always be traced back to a lack of communication between both of you. The way you replied back was that you didn't care, if you instead would have chosen your words more carefully it would have went much smoother. And she wasn't able to pinpoint what bothered her and communicate it effectively.



Profit
?
?
?
One, you don't know OP's girlfriend's personality to be able to correctly predict her response and reactions. All women are not the same. And you can't plug this "women want this or that" formula for every girl. Women aren't crazy. Text messaging is rather the real problem here. You just can never tell how the person means what they write. the OP's response might have been interpreted differently than was intended
Nano-Passion
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Nov4-11, 08:25 PM
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Quote Quote by Edin_Dzeko View Post
One, you don't know OP's girlfriend's personality to be able to correctly predict her response and reactions. All women are not the same. And you can't plug this "women want this or that" formula for every girl. Women aren't crazy. Text messaging is rather the real problem here. You just can never tell how the person means what they write. the OP's response might have been interpreted differently than was intended
It wasn't a prediction.. it was an example of practicing good communication.
Edin_Dzeko
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Nov4-11, 09:16 PM
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Quote Quote by Nano-Passion View Post
It wasn't a prediction.. it was an example of practicing good communication.
you don't know his girl that well to "predict" accurately how she will react.

I loved your ending:

Me: I'm sorry, is it because I sounded un-caring? You know I love you babe.. Its just that tomorrow morning isn't the best of time for me. Is there any other time we can spend together?

Her: <3 <3 <3

Just classic.

But to stay on-topic. I don't think his girlfriend or women are crazy. I feel that the problem was simply a misunderstanding with the text messages. She misinterpreted what he intended.
DaveC426913
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Nov4-11, 10:07 PM
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Quote Quote by Edin_Dzeko View Post
you don't know his girl that well to "predict" accurately how she will react.
Edin, not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse. Nano has made it clear he is showing an example of good communication.

Sociopathy and neuroses aside, most people in general react well to good communication. Even if a particular person does not react as expected, it is still the best practice.

(You can't predict that a mountain lion will roll over and let you rub its belly, but even you have to admit you have a good bet about how to behave around one.)
Nano-Passion
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Nov5-11, 12:14 AM
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Quote Quote by DaveC426913 View Post
Edin, not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse. Nano has made it clear he is showing an example of good communication.
I feel like he either always wants to pick a fallacious argument or is just trying to belittle any other statements.

Don't feed the troll.
Quote Quote by Edin_Dzeko View Post
you don't know his girl that well to "predict" accurately how she will react.

I loved your ending:

Me: I'm sorry, is it because I sounded un-caring? You know I love you babe.. Its just that tomorrow morning isn't the best of time for me. Is there any other time we can spend together?

Her: <3 <3 <3

Just classic.

But to stay on-topic. I don't think his girlfriend or women are crazy. I feel that the problem was simply a misunderstanding with the text messages. She misinterpreted what he intended.
Edin, 99% of the conversations with you and I were ones of fallacious arguments (started by you). Take it easy a bit, if your going to pick an argument then put up a good one and for the love of sake read and try to interpret the opposition with an open mind. What you constantly do is pick a sentence, take it out of context, and try to argue it (and fail). That in itself is a fallacy, attacking an opposing statement does not make yours any more right.

At any rate, in my opinion it isn't a misinterpretation but a poor choice of words. If I asked my girlfriend to something that means a lot to me and she replied "na I'll pass", I would be furious as a result.
Edin_Dzeko
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Nov5-11, 09:19 PM
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Quote Quote by DaveC426913 View Post
Edin, not sure if you're being deliberately obtuse. Nano has made it clear he is showing an example of good communication.

Sociopathy and neuroses aside, most people in general react well to good communication. Even if a particular person does not react as expected, it is still the best practice.

(You can't predict that a mountain lion will roll over and let you rub its belly, but even you have to admit you have a good bet about how to behave around one.)
[1]Don't derail this thread Dave. It's not about me. My posts are on-topic and pertain to the matter. Debate my points. No personal attacks here, please
[2] Dave, text message doesn't equal very good communication. It's considered a disrespect to break up via text, quit your job via text etc., I told you the problem with text is that sometimes you can't really understand and accurately predict what the person is trying to tell you. Especially taking into consideration that text messaging = no grammar zone. It's hard to get what the person is trying to say. The problem with OP's case was that she misinterpreted his intention. He was even confused as to her reaction because he meant no harm at his reply. It was a simple no I wont eat because I wont have time to eat or something. OP was cleanly just turning down the offer. That has happened to me before. I was at a show and I got a text from a friend saying she's going to give me a call. I quickly texted, "no". She could have taken it in a hurtful manner but I didn't intend my "no" to be hurtful. I was just trying to send her a quick text in time so she wouldn't call and make my ringtone go off. Then I sent her another text explaining I'm at a show. I really use emoticons because I feel like that's the only way to let people know you're not mad, you're goofing off, you're being sarcastic, etc.,.

On-topic: The girlfriend's not crazy. It was just misinterpretation. That's my call. Second possibility would be she REALLY wanted him to come and eat. Like preparing something for someone and they're not as excited as you wanted them to be about it. OP could have simply explained that time was the reason why he turned the breakfast down.
Edin_Dzeko
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#138
Nov5-11, 09:35 PM
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Quote Quote by Nano-Passion View Post
I feel like he either always wants to pick a fallacious argument or is just trying to belittle any other statements.

Don't feed the troll.


Edin, 99% of the conversations with you and I were ones of fallacious arguments (started by you). Take it easy a bit, if your going to pick an argument then put up a good one and for the love of sake read and try to interpret the opposition with an open mind. What you constantly do is pick a sentence, take it out of context, and try to argue it (and fail). That in itself is a fallacy, attacking an opposing statement does not make yours any more right.

At any rate, in my opinion it isn't a misinterpretation but a poor choice of words. If I asked my girlfriend to something that means a lot to me and she replied "na I'll pass", I would be furious as a result.
[1] Like I said to Dave. No personal attacks here. Just focus on the issue we are discussing. You wrote in another thread "I'm just looking for love". Completely uncalled for. Just expose these supposedly "fallacious" statements in my argument etc., I'm simply expressing my opinion why attack me, Nano? try and learn how to stay on-topic please.

[2] I'm a troll because I express my opinion and they challenge your points? C'mon. Don't derail a nice thread.

[3] It's not about right or "more right". Simply just express your opinion. I disagree with something so I need to express "WHY" I disagree. No such thing as a stupid question. No such thing as a stupid debate. Just express yourself. We all don't agree that's the beauty of human nature and the human mind. By take it easy, should I "go with the flow" and not challenge / question or voice out? Is that what you are telling me? I just seem to hold different views than "the norm" that's all. There were times where it was me vs. the class + teacher in debates. I just hold different views and I express it. No harm in being outspoken.

[4] Nano the poor choice of words is what would lead to the misinterpretation. The problem with the "na I'll pass" is that, HOW does she mean it? What kind of tone / face is she saying it with? You can't tell just by reading text. That wast he point I was trying to me make. Two things, misinterpretation or the girl really wanted him to come and eat her breakfast.

No more attacks etc., I like this forum and would like to continue expressing my opinions in discussions. Just debate and move on and stop complaining. If you've written something then you should be able to defend your stand. One thread was dying, and I've helped pushed it to like 2 pages you need opinions like mine in matters. It helps. Now lets continue. OP please update us.
DaveC426913
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#139
Nov5-11, 11:12 PM
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Quote Quote by Edin_Dzeko View Post
[1] Like I said to Dave. No personal attacks here. Just focus on the issue we are discussing.
There is a difference between attacking a person and attacking a bad argument.

You are missing the point of Nano's post(s). That does not help your case and is needlessly argumentative.

Quote Quote by Edin_Dzeko View Post

[2] I'm a troll because I express my opinion and they challenge your points?
But you're not challenging his points, you're missing them and arguing for the sake of argument.

You are producing noise in an otherwise productive thread.

Now, take a moment to go back and read Nano's post and then read both our responses about where you missed the point.

Or not. Because I still think you're just arguing for the sake of it, and that doesn't really interest me.
Nano-Passion
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Nov6-11, 10:54 AM
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Quote Quote by Edin_Dzeko View Post
[1]Don't derail this thread Dave. It's not about me. My posts are on-topic and pertain to the matter. Debate my points. No personal attacks here, please
[2] Dave, text message doesn't equal very good communication. It's considered a disrespect to break up via text, quit your job via text etc., I told you the problem with text is that sometimes you can't really understand and accurately predict what the person is trying to tell you. Especially taking into consideration that text messaging = no grammar zone. It's hard to get what the person is trying to say. The problem with OP's case was that she misinterpreted his intention. He was even confused as to her reaction because he meant no harm at his reply. It was a simple no I wont eat because I wont have time to eat or something. OP was cleanly just turning down the offer. That has happened to me before. I was at a show and I got a text from a friend saying she's going to give me a call. I quickly texted, "no". She could have taken it in a hurtful manner but I didn't intend my "no" to be hurtful. I was just trying to send her a quick text in time so she wouldn't call and make my ringtone go off. Then I sent her another text explaining I'm at a show. I really use emoticons because I feel like that's the only way to let people know you're not mad, you're goofing off, you're being sarcastic, etc.,.

On-topic: The girlfriend's not crazy. It was just misinterpretation. That's my call. Second possibility would be she REALLY wanted him to come and eat. Like preparing something for someone and they're not as excited as you wanted them to be about it. OP could have simply explained that time was the reason why he turned the breakfast down.
Okay Edin, I see your point. But replying simply "na I'll pass" can often be signaled as a lack of good communication. Good communication includes how to say things without offending the opposing person.

And what dave said. =p

Let us take these two scenarios

girlfriend: hey good morning!
boyfriend: <3 good morning to you too
girlfriend: I'm really looking forward to this new movie coming out! We should go watch it thursday night, its called "immortal". *hint, it means a lot to her!*
boyfriend: naa
girlfriend: ur an *******
boyfriend: what?
girlfriend: just shut up!
Two things went wrong here. One is the way that he replied, a better choice of words would have avoided this here. And the latter is the ignorance, for lack of better words, of what bothered his girlfriend. Both can be signs of a lack of good communication.

Now let us take second scenario.

girlfriend: hey good morning!
boyfriend: <3 good morning to you too
girlfriend: I'm really looking forward to this new movie coming out! We should go watch it thursday night, its called "immortal". *hint, it means a lot to her!*
boyfriend: I would love to go with you! its just I have a pretty huge midterm coming up, is there any other time we can go love?
girlfriend: =/
boyfriend: im really sorry, i really want to be with you but is there any other alternative?
girlfriend: Hmm in that case ...
Its called developing synergy. For example, instead of companies sending you a message replying "Denied." they might reply "We've considered your application, and hope you best of luck with other opportunities!"
victor.raum
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#141
Nov24-11, 04:50 PM
P: 71
If that's how you talk to you girlfriend then I'm not surprised you've gone through 20 of them already...

EDIT:
I was typing up a real response, but then I saw Nano-Passion's above mine, and it was essentially identical. So I won't bother adding my clone of his post, I'll just say that I whole heartedly second his analysis.
netgypsy
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#142
Nov27-11, 04:44 PM
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WOW!! Poor girl. You can only win in a relationship when you can walk away at any time. She knows the handwriting is on the wall, just hates to think a good thing has ended. Well it has.

For the ladies present, chasing is hardwired into the male of the species. You can't change things that are hardwired. You can only direct them and the advice of the great grandmothers to their daughters to "play hard to get" was right on the money. In the best relationships the male chases his mate their entire life and they both enjoy it immensely. She disrespected herself by inviting him for breakfast rather than just bringing a doggie bag with her to maybe share eggs and biscuits or something. Neither party in a relationship should EVER put themselves in a position where the other can reject them and cause hurt feelings. You have to be well enough in tune with each other to totally avoid that sort of thing.

Time for the young lady to move on and gain some self respect in the process. She's not a servant or a cook, she's a girlfriend and her boyfriend ought to be the one who asks her what she's going to do about breakfast and to discuss the possible options. And forget the movie - she shouldn't be asking him to go to that either. Again she's disrespecting herself because she knows he doesn't want to go to it.

A little story - a female family member had recently starting dating someone she liked quite well. He told her he was going to "March Madness" basketball tournament out of town for the weekend. She already had another date lined up for that weekend. He cancelled and he told her he wasn't going so she cancelled the other date and went out with him. And she would have gone out with a different guy if he had gone out of town. They've been married forever and he's still chasing her and they do have fun. Too many women lack self respect but I see it in men also. When it's over, it's over. Get on with your life. If you don't respect yourself, don't expect others to respect you.

So no she's not crazy, she's sad.
Evo
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#143
Nov27-11, 05:46 PM
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Quote Quote by netgypsy View Post
WOW!! Poor girl. You can only win in a relationship when you can walk away at any time. She knows the handwriting is on the wall, just hates to think a good thing has ended. Well it has.

For the ladies present, chasing is hardwired into the male of the species. You can't change things that are hardwired. You can only direct them and the advice of the great grandmothers to their daughters to "play hard to get" was right on the money. In the best relationships the male chases his mate their entire life and they both enjoy it immensely. She disrespected herself by inviting him for breakfast rather than just bringing a doggie bag with her to maybe share eggs and biscuits or something. Neither party in a relationship should EVER put themselves in a position where the other can reject them and cause hurt feelings. You have to be well enough in tune with each other to totally avoid that sort of thing.

Time for the young lady to move on and gain some self respect in the process. She's not a servant or a cook, she's a girlfriend and her boyfriend ought to be the one who asks her what she's going to do about breakfast and to discuss the possible options. And forget the movie - she shouldn't be asking him to go to that either. Again she's disrespecting herself because she knows he doesn't want to go to it.
Wow, this is like reading "dating advice from the 19th Century, from a man".
Drakkith
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Nov27-11, 06:07 PM
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Quote Quote by netgypsy View Post
WOW!! Poor girl. You can only win in a relationship when you can walk away at any time. She knows the handwriting is on the wall, just hates to think a good thing has ended. Well it has.
Your entire post is just sad. None of it even considers the fact that everyone is differently wired and raised and have different wants, needs, feelings, etc. Furthermore, being able to "walk away at any time" is exactly OPPOSITE of the end goal in dating. Being in a committed relationship. It's like suggesting that you just do "warm ups" for football practice and then jump right into the big game when the season starts. You're going to have no idea what to do and have missed the entire pre-season time to practice and get ready.


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