Have you ever seen an attractive woman, walked up to her and started a conversation?

bpatrick

Every woman I ever dated I approached completely out of nowhere.

From about the time I was 17 or so I was consistently getting anywhere between 2-3 numbers a week. Most of the time I wouldn't call just due to having a busy schedule or not really having hit it off with the woman.

I don't really mean to paint myself as a "Casanova" or anything, I actually was extremely conservative with the whole relationship thing because from the time I went away to college, I was already looking for "the one" rather than just trying to hook up or date.

For me, being a professional musician really helped out with the ease of meeting women and easily obtaining dates if I wanted. I say this mainly because it made so many things easier when approaching women ... for example: throughout college I worked at a dinner theater Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights playing in the pit orchestra. The dress code was white bow tie tuxedo. At least for me, being at gigs where I'm wearing a tailored suit or tuxedo gave me a bit more confidence because I knew I looked good, especially when the venue didn't necessarily mean the audience needed formal attire ... aka I was better dressed than 90% of the guys in the room if I decided to stroll out and mingle during intermissions. The shows themselves gave at least a good opening line for small talk. I'd simply be able to ask, "how are you enjoying the show this evening?" and who knows where that would go. Sometimes we'd end up striking up a convo about the city, about the show, about television, about music, museums, etc... and half of the time, when the curtain dropped at the end and applause died down, there would be the woman I hit it off with coming up to the stage and looking down into the pit, waiting for me to come up the stairs, just for her to give me her number before she left with her party or whatever.

Sometimes I'd go out with two of my fellow musicians after a performance (still in tuxedo) and just have some appetizers at a local bar. Brian was in a relationship the entire time I was an undergrad (when I knew him) and Brendan was a little too timid to be much of a wingman, but eh, he still got a kick out of how I'd have no hesitation to walk up to a stunning woman at the bar and strike up a conversation. I often abstained from buying them drinks, it's too cliche really. I'd say a good 80% of the time they were completely uninteresting and I'd leave on my own and rejoin my friends, but there were times I started to hit it off.

Going up to a group of women is a little different, especially if you're not used to doing it. I developed a few "tricks" that I used over the years. One thing I'd recommend is getting good at performing a magic trick. When I say good, I mean really good ... like you're a professional illusionist with just that one trick. It really breaks the ice and often impresses the whole group of them because it's unique and jeeze, when is the last time a guy had the balls to go up to any group that any of the women have ever been in and perform a magic trick? If they ask for more, just be modest and say that you don't want to wow them too much, or something like that. The next thing I'd recommend is to start isolating the group into the "target girl" and one of her friends and just start with casual smalltalk like where they're from, how long they've known each other, stuff they do for fun, is it somebody's birthday, etc... and then eventually just use some body language to really hit home that you're into the one you're going for.

Best case, you'll have successfully gotten a date with your girl and have managed to pull it off with her group of friends right there, which will probably score some bonus points, just because they'll remember you and tease her later that night with stuff like "so are you gonna go out with THAT GUY" or whatever. And worst case is that the one you fancied, or even none of them turned out to be that cool, you didn't get a vibe from any of them, got no number, and had to bow out to get back to your friends after an awkward minute or two of talking after doing the magic trick.

That's at least some of my experiences while I was doing the whole go out and meet women / dating thing. I'm currently engaged and have been in this relationship for a few years, so there's not much randomly approaching women anymore. Sometimes Debra and I will go to college parties (she's a college senior) and I'll just start talking to random people though. Like just last week for Halloween we went to a party where I knew hardly anybody, but if you're willing to just put yourself out there (and have done it enough to get past the nerves bit), you'll end up winning a few games of beer pong and practically giving a seminar to half of the entire party on Doctor Who to educate the kids who don't know what your costume is.

If there was anything I had to say for people who want to start getting up the "balls" to approach women they find attractive, it's this: practice makes perfect. Just like the best way to get over stage fright as a musician is to just keep playing for people and bigger and bigger audiences ... eventually it's no big deal to be giving solo recitals or playing the opening trumpet call of Mahler 5 for a packed 5,000 seat concert hall. Worst case you're going to strike out, and that'll happen a lot just because, to be honest, you're not going to hit it off with everybody anyway, so you don't know the girl from Eve, what's to say she's even your type personality wise ... exactly, so just go for it and whatever, eventually you'll figure out the right balance of tact and directness to get results.

Nano-Passion

I used to do it a loot! Then I got a girlfriend of which I stayed with for a year. Since then I haven't got the same confidence back for some really weird reason. But its all just mind over matter.

Now I'm much more preoccupied with my study. And I'm not the best of stealing a girl's heart after the initial conversation because frankly I'm not too keen in all the socialization that needs to be done. Its a waste of my time at the moment, after my ex I'm kind of like.. "meh whatever" mentality.

I've had a couple girls approaching me, but that's rare.. point is don't wait for someone to approach you!! Guys are supposed to be the ones doing it (because girls won't!).

Oh.. and for the love of god don't approach a girl until you make good eye contact! If you see her looking at you a few times then approach her! If you see her staring at you constantly then say something( exact opposite of what I do =[ )! Your chances are much higher if you look out for who might be interested in you and you might not lose as much confidence by getting rejected a lot.

Tregg Smith

I've really backed off at lusting after women at least overtly. I got this new job where there are a LOT of women (and men). I noticed several of the women even youger ones checking me out but I'm careful not to go far with any talk. I look in the mirror and depending on the lighting I sometimes think "Jesus! that's absolutely horrible." It's easy to get thought of as a shallow philanderer or the like and I'd rather be known now as someone with an admirable personality. I would love to be friends with these women. If you can just wait out the infatuation thing without blowing it. Then let it bloom into friendship.

netgypsy

From the ladies - a couple of suggestions -

make friends with a very confidant good looking guy who knows how to chat up anyone. He'll have leftovers who will probably like you better anyway.

DON'T talk about your work or hobby unless they are obviously really into them. There's no greater turnoff than to listen to a guy talk about his favorite game or the car he's rebuilding for hours.

Make her laugh. Watch they guys who make the girls laugh and see how they do it. It's really not hard.

And forget about failure. You will fail many times but when you win it'll all be worth the trouble. it really helps if you like and understand women. Again finding a friend with several sisters is a good thing.

Tregg Smith

I can add this. Over the years I've worked with guys who have terrible breath,nose hair like artist brushes, teeth the color of bananas and nails that just get worn down never trimmed. They're not aware of any problem it's just they way they've always been. Once I saw this guy walk out of a store with his woman and two feet out the door he spat out a big glob of phlegm right where people had to walk. I felt sorry for her. If you're just some horny dude who likes to flirt then do what you will but if you're looking to make a better impression then look at how you look talk and smell.

netgypsy

Amen to that
Most guys know that from age 13 but there are some who think their woman should love them the way they are. NOT gonna happen. YUKKK Like the girl that looked cute until she raised her arm. NEITHER gender should accept less than impeccable grooming from a wannabe "friend" unless you meet at a marathon or bicycle race. And then you hit the showers immediately. Bad grooming screams "I don't care a thing about offending you." Don't walk, RUN the other way fast.

cbetanco

HAHAHA, OMG, I know what you mean. I was on the bus once, and I saw one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. Honestly, she was gorgeous. She looked like a hippy, but that didn't matter (I went to school in Santa Cruz, every other person is a hippy). When we both got off the bus at the bottom of the university, I couldn't stop looking at her. AND THEN, she went to go get her bike from the front of the bus, and raised her arms and... well, she had more hair under her arms than on my head (I am pretty shaggy) and all the sudden, I was completely turned off. This girl went from one of the most beautiful creatures on Earth to completely repulsive to me. It really bothered me on the walk home that day. And every time I think of it, I just think it was such a shame. I wouldn't mind if a girl smelled a little, but hairy armpits/legs are a complete turnoff for me. I would have talked to her, except after seeing her massively hairy hippy armpits, I just couldn't even bring myself to look at her anymore. Maybe I'm shallow, but its just how I felt (and still feel)

netgypsy

-The first thing they teach you when you take a job in another country is to be very careful not to violate the rules, spoken and unspoken in that country and even if she was European it was surely obvious to her that if you want to keep your armpits hairy you'd better wear long sleeves in the US or get used to disgusted looks. A friend's husband is a cyclist and he shaved pretty much all over and she found it soooo attractive. I always wondered what she thought about the day after though???? Head to toe razor burn????

lisab

Evo posted this years ago...it burned a place in my memory...

cbetanco

that burns my eyes. I wish I could undo seeing that.

Evo

Heheh, I *love* that commercial.

I remember in France, I was on the train and in my comparment was a beautiful woman, wearing a skirt, then I looked at her legs, she was wearing hose and the thick long hair on her legs was all matted underneath them. But that was acceptable, I know french men that are turned on by leg and armpit hair on women. There have even been members here that have posted that they are turned on by the smell of armpit sweat in hair, they don't want their women to shave or wear deodorant.

Astronuc

And the problem is ?

Being half wolf, my nose is very sensitive, and deoderants and perfumes are very irritating to my olfactory system. I much prefer natural scents.

netgypsy

GAG

Deodorant doesn't have to be scented. According to Dr. Oz it works by simply stopping the scented armpit odorous material from being emitted in the first place. I have most unpleasant memories of a colleague who attempted to cover his BO by using large quantities of cologne. The least I heard he was on the run in Africa. Perhaps that's far enough away so it's safe to breathe through my nose again.

Nano-Passion

lmao

turbo

I have to agree with Astro. Strong chemical fragrances can throw me into a tail-spin. I'd much rather deal with body odor, etc. A very pretty young lady in college was the daughter of a diplomat stationed in Switzerland, and she didn't shave or cover up smells with fragrances. I was smitten by her. Natural smells can be aphrodisiacs, IMO.

Nano-Passion

Well yes, there are odors naturally secreted by the body that is intended to attract the opposite sex. If you mask it up too much then it is disgusting. Colognes and perfumes try to emulate these sexually-attractive odors.

Then again, that doesn't mean that heavy body odor is attractive. There is a certain balance to things. If you smell like fish and salt then I won't talk to you.

BobG

It took a while, but I finally came up with some reasons this is a bad idea.

Caution: Don Hertzfeldt is a very disturbing animator. This probably is as close to appropriate as he gets, and close to appropriate is an apt description. Viewer caution advised.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaLRpFdZ2V4