sex obsession


by Tregg Smith
Tags: obsession
ihatesnakes
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#37
Jan11-12, 06:34 PM
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Quote Quote by Evo View Post
I'm surprised that no one has pointed out that many men are not good at sex and women get tired of faking it. Some women don't enjoy sex for a number of reasons and just decide they don't wish to keep doing something they don't like. I think younger women may be more willing to discuss this with theor husbands, but for the older generation it is less likely that this would be an easy subject to approach.

I don't believe that older women prefer their husbands to get sex elsewhere, did someone actually say that?

Also, men peak sexually at a young age, where women peak at a much older age, a lot of men lose the desire and sometimes the ability as they get older. It's very individual.
it's not true, it's not false and it's not just older women. most of the women I've met who don't like sex, not prefer, but look the other way if their husbands look for sex elsewhere because they feel their bond and love is above sex, which they can't seem to work out, so it's more like taking sex out of the equation
netgypsy
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#38
Jan11-12, 06:39 PM
P: 239
Exactly. What a shame too because most of the men I know really can't cheat on their wives without a huge loss in self respect. So most don't and just have a big gap in their marriage. I forgot about the woman friend I had who was married to an older man who refused to "deal with" his problem. She divorced him and married a guy ten years younger than she is.
ihatesnakes
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#39
Jan11-12, 06:47 PM
P: 2
oh god yes, it has to be a terrible self-battle for some men. I'm just guessing here, but the ones that end up giving into cheating in these situations had to reach a point where they NEEDED sex
netgypsy
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#40
Jan11-12, 06:53 PM
P: 239
Many many women have no clue how important sex is to a guy but regardless of how important it is, most I know with that kind of problem just go to internet sites, chatrooms, etc. rather than risk the marriage unless they have an absentee spouse and are on the road or out of town a lot. Today you take a woman who is not your wife anywhere and your photo will end up on facebook or Youtube will have a video of you cosying up. NOT worth the risk.
Evo
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#41
Jan11-12, 06:53 PM
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Quote Quote by ihatesnakes View Post
it's not true, it's not false and it's not just older women. most of the women I've met who don't like sex, not prefer, but look the other way if their husbands look for sex elsewhere because they feel their bond and love is above sex, which they can't seem to work out, so it's more like taking sex out of the equation
We definitely run in different circles because I don't know any women that would allow their husband to cheat on them. None. Period.
ihatesnakes
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#42
Jan11-12, 07:13 PM
P: 2
well, here's another kicker; I've also seen it the other way around. not nearly as much though
turbo
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#43
Jan11-12, 07:34 PM
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Monday I visited a furniture store to look at an electrically-powered recliner that my wife had picked out. The lady that dealt with me was a very pretty skinny-butt girl with an impressive chest. She had trouble reading the codes on the tag, and I ended up talking to her about refractive surgery (Lasik) and recommending a top surgeon. At the end of our session, I was dashing for the door due to perfume problems, and she asked me to call from home to finalize the order.

My wife had met her when she initially sought out that recliner, and when I told her that the sales-lady's eyes were changing because she was 50, my wife said "That *****!" I'd hate to be on the receiving-end of any dalliance!
netgypsy
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#44
Jan11-12, 07:37 PM
P: 239
For sure Turbo

ihatesnakes Like my friend but she just divorced him, didn't cheat on him.

EVO if the women in your circle disliked sex with their husbands I suspect they would end up divorcing or being divorced because they are empowered women. Empowered women don't put up with cheating but most empowered women wouldn't marry a guy they weren't attracted to either. The women I know who don't want to be bothered are loved and love their husbands but somehow never figured out that a good sex life makes marriage even better.

Some people can simply grow apart as they get older or be dishonest in the first place regarding what they are and what they like.

My personal opinion - it's just plain good luck to find a great marriage partner. No wonder they used to have matchmakers.
DaveC426913
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#45
Jan11-12, 07:39 PM
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Quote Quote by netgypsy View Post
My personal opinion - it's just plain good luck to find a great marriage partner.
Some people make their own luck.

i.e. long-term relationships tend to be 20% luck, 80% work
netgypsy
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#46
Jan11-12, 07:52 PM
P: 239
Once you've found one you do what it takes to make it work. Some people never seem to have that 20% though.
Evo
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#47
Jan11-12, 08:00 PM
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I'm not willing to work at a relationship. I believe that a good relationship shouldn't require work, but if people are willing to do it, that's great for them, as long as they're not completely miserable. My parents didn't get along, but they were determined to not get divorced. It was horrible. They were both miserable and it made us kids miserable. They did their best to try to hide it, never argued in front of us, but there was just no sign of love there. Sometimes divorce is the best solution for everyone.
netgypsy
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#48
Jan11-12, 08:24 PM
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Maybe it's the guys who do the work to keep their lady happy. ????

(Agree on sometimes divorce is the best solution but one of our lady in laws said the only reason she was glad her parents stayed together was because she hated the thought of having to live with either one)
turbo
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#49
Jan11-12, 10:18 PM
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I know quite a few couples who have broken up, but it's often due to dalliances on the wifes' part, not the guys. I have a female friend that has been married ~5 times in the last 35 years. She's a sweet person, but as faithful as a hummingbird. My wife knows that I was close to here at times and encourages me to "go over and say 'hi'" and other stuff. I decline, because she is a hot break-up artist.
netgypsy
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#50
Jan11-12, 11:31 PM
P: 239
We can lend you one of our ladies with a big stick if you'd like. hahaha
Ivan Seeking
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#51
Jan13-12, 02:22 PM
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Quote Quote by Evo View Post
I'm not willing to work at a relationship. I believe that a good relationship shouldn't require work, but if people are willing to do it, that's great for them, as long as they're not completely miserable. My parents didn't get along, but they were determined to not get divorced. It was horrible. They were both miserable and it made us kids miserable. They did their best to try to hide it, never argued in front of us, but there was just no sign of love there. Sometimes divorce is the best solution for everyone.
I don't think the notion that some marriages are just bad, negates the claim that all marriages take work. No one can possibly be completely compatible with someone else. There will always be differences that require compromise.

More significant, perhaps, is that we all grow and change. Some people grow together, and some grow apart.
TheStatutoryApe
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#52
Jan14-12, 03:58 AM
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Quote Quote by Evo View Post
I'm surprised that no one has pointed out that many men are not good at sex and women get tired of faking it.
This was my first thought with the comment about his wife and KY. Sounds like a lack of stimulation and desire. He should have a discussion with his wife about their sex life since it would appear as though they are both dissatisfied with it.

Quote Quote by Ivan Seeking View Post
I don't think the notion that some marriages are just bad, negates the claim that all marriages take work. No one can possibly be completely compatible with someone else. There will always be differences that require compromise.

More significant, perhaps, is that we all grow and change. Some people grow together, and some grow apart.
When I was younger I was with my mom in the car and there was a commercial on the radio that said something along the lines of "You shouldn't work at your relationship, you should play at it" and my mother thought that was just horrible though I didn't understand why. I tried to explain it to her though I still don't think she understood. I said that if you view your relationship as "work" then there is probably something wrong with it. You should not do things for your partner because you feel obligated but because it is what you want to do. Communicating, listening, caring, ect should all be so natural a part of your relationship that the thought of it being "work" should not enter your head. Of course I have still never been married or in a serious long term relationship so...
Ken Natton
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#53
Jan14-12, 04:50 AM
P: 272
It seems to me that the OP needs to be careful of this idea that he has a genuine problem with obsession. It is much the same as people who are fundamentally spoiled and stubborn, who excuse their behaviour, as much to themselves as to anyone else, by describing themselves as OCD. The reality of someone who really has a clinically diagnosable condition of obsessive compulsion is that it is extremely destructive of relationships. Fortunately, very few people really have such a condition. I donít wish to be out of step with the basic understanding and honest sympathy that the OP has been shown on this thread, but I donít think that it helps to allow him to reinforce the idea that he has some psychological condition that is beyond his control. It is very unlikely that he does.
Ivan Seeking
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#54
Jan14-12, 10:14 AM
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Quote Quote by TheStatutoryApe View Post
When I was younger I was with my mom in the car and there was a commercial on the radio that said something along the lines of "You shouldn't work at your relationship, you should play at it" and my mother thought that was just horrible though I didn't understand why. I tried to explain it to her though I still don't think she understood. I said that if you view your relationship as "work" then there is probably something wrong with it. You should not do things for your partner because you feel obligated but because it is what you want to do. Communicating, listening, caring, ect should all be so natural a part of your relationship that the thought of it being "work" should not enter your head. Of course I have still never been married or in a serious long term relationship so...
And what about those times when one is in a bad mood or doesn't feel like compromising, or when there is an impass and you can't agree? Or what about when the partner is unreasonable because of health problems or problems at work? What about when your partner melts down because of a death in the family or some other crisis?

Work, effort, a willingness to try, the ability to compromise, the abiity to see the problem through the other person's eyes, call it what you like but it doesn't happen without effort. Imo, anything else is a fairy tale - a result of too much TV or a lack of honesty.


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