I want to sleep with my Professor

Galteeth

What if you wait till the class is over?

Loess

The guy I started to see fairly recently was my course tutor. We are not seeing each other now as he messed me around, ignoring me and 'not knowing what he wanted'. We didn't start seeing each other until 4 weeks after the course ended when I left that establishment. I did fancy him when he was my tutor, but I didn't let him know then. All I can say is I try to think why did I fancy him? And I think I fancied him because of the knowledge he has of the subjects I love and and I would love to have that knowledge myself. He didn't respect me for my knowledge thats for sure, he didn't even want to discuss with me the subject area I was studying with him.

I am now going to take a break from men and concentrate on my studies.

Antiphon

You fell prey to the well-known Podium Effect.

It's why millions of women go nuts for Rock Stars. Take the microphone away from the average rock star and what do you have? A blue-collar working-class man with bad manners and a sordid history with drugs and lots of women. What's attractive about that? Nothing- until he's on stage being adored and respected by others.

Galteeth

Couldn't it also be that people find the capacity to create art attractive?

MarcoD

You confuse tradition, or ritual, with ethics.

MarcoD

Girl, if you would be the kind of woman to sleep with your professor, you would have done it.

netgypsy

Except it's a guy wanting to sleep with his female professor. :-)

MarcoD

Ah, I thought Loess was the original poster. Whatever, comment still holds.

lisab

I agree with you. An imbalance of power is *never* OK in an intimate/sexual relationship. It's a recipe for disaster all around.

But I've learned from my PF friends who aren't in North America that this belief is highly influenced by culture.

MarcoD

Two points: a) By that reasoning, people shouldn't get married. And b), in the case of -say- Clinton, it is highly debatable who had power over whom.

And a last point: Professors have authority over students? Don't make me laugh.

lisab

You may disagree over whether an imbalance of power is a big deal or not - like I said, that's mostly a culturally influenced point of view. But to think that there is no such thing approaches willful ignorance.

I won't chase your Clinton straw man.

MarcoD

I am saying all relations have an imbalance of power, so that point is moot.

God, I even lived together with a student. She was my partner and some people objected to that. But, sorry, when looking at the relation, none of the rational arguments stuck, and I don't think there are any.

It seems to boil down to feeling, mostly.

netgypsy

The Clintons have a balance of power which I suspect is the reason they are still married.

I do remember a comic in the newspaper showing Hillary, Bill and Buddy at the veterinarian's office. The vet looks at Hillary and asks her "Which one is here to be neutered?"

People do stupid things and this includes very intelligent people. I did like Monica's comment though when she was being asked about their dalliance. She said something like I didn't think it was anyone else's business.

Of course the big problem here was, as is the problem with the person who originated this thread - he was married and they did not have equal power.

I would hope the young man who posted this question would look at all the trouble this caused and stick to fantasy at least until graduation.

I personally know three cases of students who actually married their teacher. The first was a young single male teacher and coach. He met the student working on a student newspaper. He somehow obviously found out the interest was mutual and immediately went to her parents. She was a senior at the time. The only times they saw each other was at her house with her parents there. She was a high school senior when they met. She went on to college and they continued dating and married after she graduated. They are still married 30 years later. This is the way it's done right.

the second one, the teacher was female and married. A real good looking woman. She knew the student as she taught him and worked with him as he was the student body president. She was married to an older man. The story was, the older man had "problems" and he refused to deal with them. She eventually divorced him and in a year or so began dating the former student who had now graduated from college and worked for a mortgage bank. They are still happily married after 15 years. Another one that was done right.

The last case was a 15 year old young man and his female teacher. They were caught in the proverbial compromising situation. They did marry but people who know them well say there is a power problem in this one.

So if there really is potential for a lasting relationship a few years doesn't make much difference.

netgypsy

Respectfully disagree. I know many many marriages/partnerships where the power is equal. There can be division of labor or not but there is total respect for the partner and a willingness on both parts to do 100% when needed with no asking and no complaining. They see a need and fill it.

The men in this type of relationship are very very secure in their masculinity and the women, in their femininity meaning they know they are smart and attractive and many make the effort to stay healthy and attractive regardless of age. These are the ones who are still mountain biking together in their 70's.

The cultural "differences" in power balance are interesting. I lived in a third world country for a couple of years and worked there and when I left to go over there, people in the US told me that the women in that country were essentially powerless. I found it to be quite the opposite. The middle and upper class women were more empowered and independent than women in the US at the time and the working poor women were also very much empowered and valued by their spouses. Birth control was widely available and free in many cases 35 years ago in that country so women had control over their reproduction and therefore their economic situation. Of course there were those who were not in balanced relationships but people come in such a wide variety of types that's going to happen everywhere.

A male relative once told his brother he would never marry a woman smarter than he was. A number of my nerdy male friends feel the same way. But my male chemistry professor told all the guys in my huge lecture class - find the smartest woman who will have you and marry her. You will NEVER be sorry. And this was a million years ago. I stills mile when I think of him. Great teacher too and very happily married.

WOW I haven't even had any coffee yet and am seriously running on at the mouth.

MarcoD

Well, you didn't convince me with that. I could rephrase it as to that I find it meaningless to talk about 'balances of power' within adult relationships. Unless it's a totally abusive relationship, you'll never figure out what balance of power exists, whether the concept itself is an illusion, or whether other people just project it into a relationship.

If it would be about 'balance of power,' I propose we only condone same sex marriages.

netgypsy

Same sex marriages have the same problems as hetero. If one is more powerful they will bully the other in one way or another. I hope you realize I don't mean physical power. If that were true people would never be able to ride a horse - yet they can. Power is knowing the other person's currency and having what they want. When both parties can walk away, neither will bully the other if they both care enough to want the relationship to continue.

I'd love to know if you feel the same way in 30 years.

I like Serena

Many relationships start out or end up with unequal power.
I think that the key to a successful relationship is that you find a balance.

Any two people are different and each has his/her strong and weak spots.
Plenty of opportunity to (re)balance a relationship (or end it).
I believe there's no real reason to avoid a relationship just because it may start out unequal at some points.