Does the Man Always Have to Pay for the First Date?

Snicker

If she can't take care of herself, you probably would be better off without her.

turbo

I ended up living with a young woman (older-than-me college student who was a lifeguard with a baby-face) because on our first "date" she introduced herself at a bar under a motel on a very snowy night, and asked "If I buy you a drink, can I sit with you?" What a pick-up line! I had waded up there for a beer or two, just to get out of the house, and when she came in, I couldn't stop looking at her. I'm glad she broke the ice. I was not in a good place emotionally at the time.

Antiphon

Ignore most of this thread. Here are the bare facts.

Pay if you want to ever date her again.

If she insists on paying it means she doesn't care to see you again.

DaveC426913

You are such a joker.

Drakkith

Damn, looks like I'll be single forever...

QuarkCharmer

Just get the check when she uses the restroom or something. That saves that whole awkward "Oh no, please allow me, oh no I insist" moment. If the date goes sour, you might give her the opportunity to pay if she wants, but never ask regardless of how it turns out. Realistically, just plan on paying for dinner whenever you go on a date. When you're comfortable enough with someone and it becomes a mutually exclusive thing, then I would expect her to at least offer occasionally.

nucleargirl

Its cute when the guy pays like on a first date when you don't know each other very well - its all chivalrous and shows the guy wants to be nice! Makes girls feel special. But it depends how you do it - if I get the feeling that this guy ALWAYS wants to pay, then I might start thinking he has some control issues...

Drakkith

When's it my turn to feel special?

DaveC426913

Oh, you'll get your turn.

That's why you insist on paying for dinner.

Jimmy Snyder

I'm kind of rusty on this so I asked my wife. The first thing she wants to know is who is this dame I'm going out on a first date with. No, no say I. With you, a date with you. She released me and said it depends on whether I want steak or hamburger.

phoenix:\\

You ask, you pay. Most of the time I'll pay even if I didn't ask for the date though, that is, if it was a good date. If not, I am only paying my fair share (considering I didn't ask).

Moonbear

That's pretty much how it worked when I first started dating my boyfriend. Then again, on our first date, we kept it simple by letting the bride and groom pay (we met at a wedding). By the time we went out just the two of us, I think we were on a third or fourth date. But back then, I was a starving grad student and he had a paying job, so if we went out for pizza or sandwiches, I'd pay, but if he wanted a bigger meal, he had to pay. I never asked to go out for fancy meals, and was happy to cook at home with him, so those fancy meals were his choice.

nucleargirl

:) you feel special when you go to pick her up and she's all dressed up and happy to see you!

feathermoon

You could offer to pay within sensible limits if its a date. What is sensible is up to you. If she offers, then let her. Just don't have any expectations because you paid. Its sometimes the cost of a chance.

Paying for her friend as someone mentioned? No. This type of expectation will only come to frustrate you, and sour any potential relationship that could form. Trust me.

Deveno

my advice is, if she offers to pay: say "how about i get this one, and you get the next one?" two dates are better than one.

Moonbear

Only do that if the date goes well. Hey! Wait a minute! I think that's how my boyfriend phrased it. Well, considering our first date was about 16 years ago and we're still madly in love (I'm still an advocate of not letting marriage ruin a perfectly good relationship), that seems like sound advice to me.

DaveC426913

That's actually very clever. Turns an awkward moment about paying into an opportunity for a next date.