Lame Jokes

Andre

jedishrfu

Article VII of the US Military Code of Conduct:

A General of any rank should no longer take direction from his Privates.

Ivan Seeking

Spoiler warning. This is used in the new movie. Lincoln.

Lincoln told a story of Ethan Allen, an American Revolution war hero who went to Britain after the war. (And who oddly enough has a furniture company named after him.) After he arrived, the British, still upset about having lost the war, put their minds together and came up with a plot to try to embarrass Allen by putting a large portrait of George Washington in the only outhouse where he might encounter it. They had hoped Allen would be upset about the indignity of George Washington being in an outhouse. That night, after dinner and conversation, Allen made his way out, candle in hand, and did his business. He came back in as high of spirits as ever.

“Didn’t you see George Washington in there?!” they said.

“Oh yes,” said Allen. “Perfectly appropriate place for him”

“What do you mean?” They said.

“Well,” he said, “there is nothing to make an Englishman sht faster than the sight of General George Washington.
http://americainshort.com/2009/01/22...from-illinois/

Ibix

If an infinite number of hillbillies fire an infinite number of shotgun shells at a roadsign of infinite area, will they eventually spell out the complete works of Shakespeare in braille?

Ivan Seeking

Sad to say that there are still areas in the NE that don't have power after the big storm. But for some reason only Amish communities are affected.

Jimmy Snyder

Adam told a joke, but Eve didn't laugh. She said that's the oldest joke in the world.

jtbell

I bet she also said that only guys laugh at jokes like that, anyway.

IMP

If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?



























K9P

Ibix

I accidentally used a lame maths joke in conversation today. Of a colleague, who is a really nice guy but sometimes a little peculiar, I said: "I think he's a bit odd, but he probably thinks I'm a bit odd. I guess that makes us even". Then, realising what I'd said, I added "...if you add us together".

Everybody looked at me funny.

I like Serena

Borek

Junior is buying a new TV set for his flat, and he ordered it through the web. We were chatting at the time and he said something like "the site has colors that were so irritating my eyes exploded after I put the order". So I told him "Cancel the order, you won't need TV now".

jtbell

Hmmm.... phosphorus nonopotride?

Jimmy Snyder

You're in.

Isaacsname

I grew up in a Mexican-Jewish family, we always had a Jesus pinata for Hannukah.

I'm so confused

Isaacsname

You just wanted to fire off a plug about body fluids.

dkotschessaa

A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a
little patient."

Isaacsname

Take any website, news sites and Wikipedia work great, and enter the http address into the bar on " Gizoogle " for an instant translation to " hoodspeak ".

http://www.gizoogle.net/

*Warning, if you have an aversion to foul language, look away*

*Otoh, this may be useful to teachers in the inner cities*