Lame Jokes


by quddusaliquddus
Tags: jokes, lame
Lancelot59
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#2323
Nov13-12, 01:21 PM
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Quote Quote by FreeMitya View Post
Some people like observational humour, I prefer obfuscational humour. (Yes, I made up a word.)
It's not made up at all. In fact there are whole competitions based around it:

http://www.ioccc.org/
Psyguy22
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#2324
Nov13-12, 03:00 PM
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When does the Chinese guy go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty! (2:30)
fuzzyfelt
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#2325
Nov17-12, 05:19 PM
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It would be nicer if hedgehogs shared hedges.
Rooted
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#2326
Nov18-12, 12:54 PM
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A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' and he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What?... because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really, really, heavy'
Ibix
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#2327
Nov18-12, 02:04 PM
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Did you here the joke about the cow that swallowed dynamite? It's abominable.
Jimmy Snyder
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#2328
Nov20-12, 07:32 PM
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A fish monger had a beautiful and expensive sign made saying "Fresh fish sold here" to hang in front of his shop. However, one of his customers pointed out that the word 'here' is unnecessary since the fish monger didn't sell them anywhere else. So he painted over that word. Afterwards, another customer told him that the sign needn't say 'sold' since no fish store gives fish away for free. So he painted over that word. Then someone said there was no need to say 'fresh' since no one wants to buy any other kind of fish anyway and he painted over that word. Later another said that the word 'fish' was redundant since anyone could smell the store from a block away and know what was sold there. So he painted over the last word.
fuzzyfelt
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#2329
Nov21-12, 09:01 AM
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^
Sweet.

Andre
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#2330
Nov21-12, 09:12 AM
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Quote Quote by fuzzyfelt View Post
jedishrfu
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#2331
Nov21-12, 09:34 AM
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Article VII of the US Military Code of Conduct:

A General of any rank should no longer take direction from his Privates.
Ivan Seeking
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#2332
Nov21-12, 10:13 AM
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Spoiler warning. This is used in the new movie. Lincoln.

Lincoln told a story of Ethan Allen, an American Revolution war hero who went to Britain after the war. (And who oddly enough has a furniture company named after him.) After he arrived, the British, still upset about having lost the war, put their minds together and came up with a plot to try to embarrass Allen by putting a large portrait of George Washington in the only outhouse where he might encounter it. They had hoped Allen would be upset about the indignity of George Washington being in an outhouse. That night, after dinner and conversation, Allen made his way out, candle in hand, and did his business. He came back in as high of spirits as ever.

“Didn’t you see George Washington in there?!” they said.

“Oh yes,” said Allen. “Perfectly appropriate place for him”

“What do you mean?” They said.

“Well,” he said, “there is nothing to make an Englishman sht faster than the sight of General George Washington.
http://americainshort.com/2009/01/22...from-illinois/
Ibix
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#2333
Nov21-12, 10:48 AM
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Quote Quote by fuzzyfelt View Post
^
Sweet.

If an infinite number of hillbillies fire an infinite number of shotgun shells at a roadsign of infinite area, will they eventually spell out the complete works of Shakespeare in braille?
Ivan Seeking
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#2334
Nov22-12, 12:00 PM
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Sad to say that there are still areas in the NE that don't have power after the big storm. But for some reason only Amish communities are affected.
Jimmy Snyder
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#2335
Nov22-12, 02:48 PM
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Adam told a joke, but Eve didn't laugh. She said that's the oldest joke in the world.
jtbell
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#2336
Nov23-12, 01:46 AM
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Quote Quote by Jimmy Snyder View Post
She said that's the oldest joke in the world.
I bet she also said that only guys laugh at jokes like that, anyway.
IMP
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#2337
Nov23-12, 04:10 PM
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If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?



























K9P
Ibix
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#2338
Nov27-12, 03:46 PM
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I accidentally used a lame maths joke in conversation today. Of a colleague, who is a really nice guy but sometimes a little peculiar, I said: "I think he's a bit odd, but he probably thinks I'm a bit odd. I guess that makes us even". Then, realising what I'd said, I added "...if you add us together".

Everybody looked at me funny.
I like Serena
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#2339
Nov27-12, 04:21 PM
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Quote Quote by Ibix View Post
I accidentally used a lame maths joke in conversation today. Of a colleague, who is a really nice guy but sometimes a little peculiar, I said: "I think he's a bit odd, but he probably thinks I'm a bit odd. I guess that makes us even". Then, realising what I'd said, I added "...if you add us together".

Everybody looked at me funny.
Borek
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#2340
Nov27-12, 04:44 PM
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Junior is buying a new TV set for his flat, and he ordered it through the web. We were chatting at the time and he said something like "the site has colors that were so irritating my eyes exploded after I put the order". So I told him "Cancel the order, you won't need TV now".


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