I can't get a date


by Aero51
Tags: date
Aero51
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#19
Jan16-13, 04:43 PM
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Its obvious weve had different experiance, considering Ive never had a healthy relationship with a woman. Thatis the nature of my argument. Personally, I think our experiances may be uncompairable. Thats all Ill say
Ryan_m_b
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#20
Jan16-13, 04:52 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
Its obvious weve had different experiance, considering Ive never had a healthy relationship with a woman. Thatis the nature of my argument. Personally, I think our experiances may be uncompairable. Thats all Ill say
The nature of my argument is that the reason you've not had a healthy relationship is not that you study aerospace engineering. No amount of anecdotal evidence would convince me as such given my own experience that women are just as diverse as men and there is not a single attribute that is universally disliked to such a deal breaking extent. Couple that with the fact that I'm willing to bet that there are female aerospace engineers and male ones in a relationship I can't help but conclude there are other reasons you are single.

Now that's not to say you won't find someone by any means, just that you haven't and perhaps there are things you can change to give yourself an easier time of it. Such as taking the advice given by multiple people now on how to talk about what you do in an accessible way.
russ_watters
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#21
Jan16-13, 04:55 PM
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Quote Quote by Ryan_m_b View Post
Perhaps your current lack of success in getting a date stems more from your generalisations of women than your chosen profession.
Disagree. Most stereotypes are stereotypes because they are observed patterns.

"This is my friend Jeff. He takes care of baby seals for a living" works great as a pick-up line/conversation starter. In fact, I once used it successfully while Jeff was in the bathroom. Working the fact that I'm a mechanical engineer into a conversation has never produced good results. Amateur astronomer, on the other hand, does work reasonably well.
Aero51
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#22
Jan16-13, 04:58 PM
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I think you missed my point. I was saying science majors in general not mine. I have found it can be intimidating, affirmed when I asked that girl. Shes not the only one I asked, she was the first stranger though. Personally, I want to find a girl who isnt off-put by that..
Ryan_m_b
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#23
Jan16-13, 05:08 PM
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Quote Quote by russ_watters View Post
Disagree. Most stereotypes are stereotypes because they are observed patterns.

"This is my friend Jeff. He takes care of baby seals for a living" works great as a pick-up line/conversation starter. In fact, I once used it successfully while Jeff was in the bathroom. Working the fact that I'm a mechanical engineer into a conversation has never produced good results. Amateur astronomer, on the other hand, does work reasonably well.
I think you missed my point. I never argued that all professions are equally attractive to all people, that's pretty much the opposite of what I was saying given my point about generalisations. Yes for many people being a doctor might make a person more attractive than being a car park attendant but that's not universal and its definitely not make or break as Aero was saying. He did after all start this conversation with the comment that he can't get a date because of what he does implying that aerospace engineering is guaranteed to repel all women irrespective of everything else (made clear by his later post where a girl told him he was intelligent, articulate and attractive but she still walked away after he told her what he did).
Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
I think you missed my point. I was saying science majors in general not mine. I have found it can be intimidating, affirmed when I asked that girl. Shes not the only one I asked, she was the first stranger though. Personally, I want to find a girl who isnt off-put by that..
Well you didn't because you started by specifically saying aerospace engineering but regardless I don't think this is true either. I don't see that scientists have a harder time getting girlfriends and boyfriends than any other group.
Jack21222
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#24
Jan16-13, 05:14 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
Its obvious weve had different experiance, considering Ive never had a healthy relationship with a woman. Thatis the nature of my argument.
This thread has gotten way off track, but until the show airs tomorrow, I guess that's unavoidable. I hope the thread doesn't get closed before then.

As for you, Aero, have you ever stopped to consider that maybe your personality is the reason you've never had a healthy relationship with women, and not your degree? I think you're trying to extrapolate from one data point.
lisab
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#25
Jan16-13, 05:17 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
I think you missed my point. I was saying science majors in general not mine. I have found it can be intimidating, affirmed when I asked that girl. Shes not the only one I asked, she was the first stranger though. Personally, I want to find a girl who isnt off-put by that..
Studying science/engineering can have liabilities like this, I agree. Btw, just try to guess how hard it can be for a woman! When first meeting a guy, revealing I was a physics major was like a dude repellent.

But I take the same tack as you - it's a numbers game, if you meet enough people, you will eventually find one who isn't put off.
BenG549
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#26
Jan16-13, 05:39 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
Go up to a girl and tell her your an aerospace engineer and time how long until she disappears.
I have a good friend who spent a successful stint "hooking up" by saying exactly this! Used to tell girls that was his degree and that he was going to work on F1 cars or go into rocket engineering (he was into engineering anyway so could blag his way though an vaguely technical questions) But it was a big hit!

1 of 2 things are clearly happening here.... Either you are talking to the wrong women, or you need to improve your social skills. I appreciate the stereotype that scientist are typically introverted and not that socially intelligent must stem from somewhere... but their inability to score is not based on the fact they are a scientist, it's because they are introverted and not socially intelligent.

I've got a BSc and I've just finished working towards my MSc.... I've had girlfriends, I've had convocations about what I do in bars that don't scare people... probably becuase my opener isn't "You won't understand it because it's too specialised" that sound a little too much like "I'm smarter than you, you won't understand"... I guarentee if you had just said "I love engineering and rockets etc and I'd love to work in that field" you would have had a very different reaction!
BenG549
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#27
Jan16-13, 05:45 PM
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In general people definitely react to the person not the profession... although you can probably think of some obvious exceptions to this, being a scientist is not one of them. Being demonstrably intelligent (a scientist) and socially likeable (not sounding arrogant for example) in this age is a big YES in any girls book.

Some evolutionary biologist might want to jump in here and clarify why this might be, but that's my experience.
BenG549
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#28
Jan16-13, 05:52 PM
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Quote Quote by lisab View Post
When first meeting a guy, revealing I was a physics major...
That's the dream! I'd love to meet a girl with overlapping academic interests... as long as she was likeable and able to discuss it with me without being boarder line insulting about my ignorance lol.

Quote Quote by lisab View Post
But I take the same tack as you - it's a numbers game, if you meet enough people, you will eventually find one who isn't put off.
Too true, keep at it, there is someone out there!
zoobyshoe
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#29
Jan17-13, 07:56 AM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
Well, I don't know what to say. You're going to tell me not to feel what I feel based off of the experiences I've had.
You don't get it. You're causing the experiences you have by being so sure it's the way things have to play out.

Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
Me: Actually, I'm a graduate student in aerospace engineering
Girl: Oh, wow! What are you studying within that field.
Me: Are you sure you want to know? It's really involved and highly specific. Its one of those things where if you are in the field its easy to talk about, but otherwise its foriegn to most people.
Girl: Oh cmon tell me.
Me: Ok... Im looking to research hyper-velocity projectiles. Maybe something in detonation propagation in supersonic/hypersonic flow. I'm also interested in turbulence too, so ideally my research project will encompass those concepts.
Girl: Oh, thats..ummm, interesting!
Me: It's ok, like I said its very specific to someone not in engineering.

Our conversation doesn't go anywhere after...
You told her she wouldn't be interested, and then you made certain that would be the case by phrasing your further explanation of what you do in such a way as to make it inaccessible to her. You're pre-emptively pushing these women away and then blaming it on them.
Aero51
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#30
Jan17-13, 12:57 PM
P: 546
Studying science/engineering can have liabilities like this, I agree. Btw, just try to guess how hard it can be for a woman! When first meeting a guy, revealing I was a physics major was like a dude repellent.
Well if its any consent, whenever I meet a girl in the sciences (when going out) I find it extremely attractive. Problem is that they are all 10 years older than me.
Evo
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#31
Jan17-13, 01:20 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
After a long pause (not really an awkward silence, just the topic ran dry) she asked me:
Girl: So, what are you doing
Me: Actually, I'm a graduate student in aerospace engineering
Girl: Oh, wow! What are you studying within that field.
Me: Are you sure you want to know? It's really involved and highly specific. Its one of those things where if you are in the field its easy to talk about, but otherwise its foriegn to most people.
Girl: Oh cmon tell me.
Me: Ok... Im looking to research hyper-velocity projectiles. Maybe something in detonation propagation in supersonic/hypersonic flow. I'm also interested in turbulence too, so ideally my research project will encompass those concepts.
Girl: Oh, thats..ummm, interesting!
Me: It's ok, like I said its very specific to someone not in engineering.
Sorry, but you come across as condescending and arrogant in your description of how you conduct yourself. You make it sound like your major is the only one that a person outside of the field wouldn't understand. Do you realize how many fields have specialized knowledge and use words and acronyms that outsiders (that would be you) wouldn't understand? And the fact that you seem unable to explain what you do so that people can understand comes across as you either do not have the ability to do so or intentionally try to be difficult. I used to live near NASA in Clear lake, so aerospace engineers were as common as flies.

Quote Quote by aero51
Girl: Umm..well... your not intimidating to *me*, but I could definitely see why *most* girls would be. I mean, your really articulate and its obvious your intelligent. You're attractive, that coupled with being smart can definitely be intimidating to *many* girls.

I clearly caught her off guard, feeling bad I thanked her for her honesty.
Ok, you're joking, aren't you?
xxChrisxx
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#32
Jan17-13, 01:50 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
Its probably fake. And yes I disagree strongly with the nerd stereotype. I have trouble meeting women because of my degree title alone (no its not in rapeology) - so I just dumb it down and say I am a writer or artist...
Allow me to be 100% clear on this.
It's not the degree title, its you.

Quote Quote by Evo
Sorry, but you come across as condescending and arrogant in your description of how you conduct yourself.
Don't be sorry Evo; Darwin is hard at work.
Aero51
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#33
Jan17-13, 02:29 PM
P: 546
You know whats interesting... A lot of you take this really topic personally. I really don't understand this.
I'm not trying to be arrogant, condescending, etc. I'm being myself. Someone asks a question, I give them an answer. What do you do with your life..this is what I do with my life...
If it sounds arrogant that I answered a question, honestly, then I don't know what to say. Maybe I should be asking: what do you want to hear?

The purpose of going out is usually to meet someone. You do that by talking to them and asking them questions. If you water down your answers, isn't that effectively being a phony? In turn, doesn't that defeat the purpose of meeting someone?

More importantly, what does it say about the person answering them? If you water your self down as you answer someone, aren't you passively saying "I don't expect you to understand" without even providing them any insight as to what you do?! Too me, that's far more insulting than someone being very technical with their answer. I understand how the latter can overload someone and come off as overbearing, but I don't see how it comes off as arrogant.

Overall, I'd rather tell someone straight-up what the deal is and if they don't like it then they can go away. It's upsetting that its taken offensively, when honesty is supposedly one values in a individual.
Evo
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#34
Jan17-13, 02:46 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
You know whats interesting... A lot of you take this really topic personally. I really don't understand this.
I'm not trying to be arrogant, condescending, etc. I'm being myself. Someone asks a question, I give them an answer. What do you do with your life..this is what I do with my life...
You say you can't get a date, then describe your actions that drive women away, and we're telling you what you're doing wrong. What you do with the feedback is up to you.

If it sounds arrogant that I answered a question, honestly, then I don't know what to say. Maybe I should be asking: what do you want to hear?
Because you start by telling them they won't understand because it's so complex. Not really, you just make it sound complex. Admittedly not everyone has the ability to take a subject and explain the basic idea, it's is a skill.

The purpose of going out is usually to meet someone. You do that by talking to them and asking them questions. If you water down your answers, isn't that effectively being a phony? In turn, doesn't that defeat the purpose of meeting someone?
You don't seem to be able to see yourself as others do. Back to my answer above, it's a skill to be able to talk to people with different sets of knowledge. Fortunately, it is a skill that you can work on, and possibly achieve.

More importantly, what does it say about the person answering them? If you water your self down as you answer someone, aren't you passively saying "I don't expect you to understand" without even providing them any insight as to what you do?! Too me, that's far more insulting than someone being very technical with their answer. I understand how the latter can overload someone and come off as overbearing, but I don't see how it comes off as arrogant.
See above. Being able to explain what you are studying in understandable terms is a valuable interpersonal skill and shows respect for those you wish to converse with.

Overall, I'd rather tell someone straight-up what the deal is and if they don't like it then they can go away.
Well, I must say you seem to have achieved your goal.
zoobyshoe
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#35
Jan17-13, 03:40 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
The purpose of going out is usually to meet someone. You do that by talking to them and asking them questions. If you water down your answers, isn't that effectively being a phony? In turn, doesn't that defeat the purpose of meeting someone?
OK. But how do you expect a girl to be attracted to a guy who makes a special point of planting this idea in her head: "I am undesirable. Girls hear what I do and split."
Mentalist
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#36
Jan17-13, 03:56 PM
P: 32
If you have to beat around the bush and not be yourself, then the girl isn't worth investing more time into (guy vice-versa).
Why does he have to "dumb down" his profession so she will understand it if she asked him what he is doing? The use of jargon, etc..., is a bit much, but if that is the way he understands it and she wanted to know about what he does, she can consider her curiosity piqued. It is not his fault she was intimidated and walked away instead of asking follow up questions of the sort:

"I don't understand projectile velocities, etc..., could you explain it in a simple way?"

It was her own insecurity that made her walk away. She wasn't curious enough to understand what he does or was talking about. So, he shouldn't waste his time on her as she really didn't care.

But yes, there is a certain finesse that should be considered in your approach though.

Also, you shouldn't take my advice. Too young and never dated before, so... If you want to be like me, do as you are. If not, then you're going to have to learn to be yourself and mindful of how you speak to others.


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