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I can't get a date

by Aero51
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micromass
#37
Jan17-13, 04:12 PM
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Quote Quote by Mentalist View Post
If you have to beat around the bush and not be yourself, then the girl isn't worth investing more time into (guy vice-versa).
Why does he have to "dumb down" his profession so she will understand it if she asked him what he is doing? The use of jargon, etc..., is a bit much, but if that is the way he understands it and she wanted to know about what he does, she can consider her curiosity piqued. It is not his fault she was intimidated and walked away instead of asking follow up questions of the sort:

"I don't understand projectile velocities, etc..., could you explain it in a simple way?"

It was her own insecurity that made her walk away. She wasn't curious enough to understand what he does or was talking about. So, he shouldn't waste his time on her as she really didn't care.

But yes, there is a certain finesse that should be considered in your approach though.

Also, you shouldn't take my advice. Too young and never dated before, so... If you want to be like me, do as you are. If not, then you're going to have to learn to be yourself and mindful of how you speak to others.
Following that approach will usually mean that his only potential partners will be aerospace engineers. I doubt many other people will be very interested, certainly if it's the first time they talked.

But yeah, if your goal is to date other aerospace engineers and to scare away the rest, then I'm sure this approach is a good one.
Ryan_m_b
#38
Jan17-13, 04:13 PM
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Having an understanding that you work in a specialised field and that throwing out field specific jargon is inaccessible to most people is not being phony or lying about yourself, it's knowing your audience. What's best is if you do it in an understanding and friendly manner rather than starting out with "you wouldn't understand it" then proceeding to prove that.

It's not hard to start with "I'm an aerospace engineer" because on the basis of what she says you can tailor your next response. If she says "me too" or words to that effect then go nuts on the jargon, if not then simplify. Or maybe even ask what she does so that its not all one way and you have a more solid basis to formulate your next response too.

Also mentalist it's not insecurity if people don't spend time asking what every specific piece of jargon is, it's lack of interest and probably reaction to how it was said. Expecting others to be completely focused on learning what you mean rather than being considerate and explaining it in the most accessible way is very self centred.
xxChrisxx
#39
Jan17-13, 04:32 PM
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This thread is a macrocosm for why you are failing with women. Aero ask yourself honestly why you made it.

If you are going to say advice, think harder.
EDIT: And be honest.
Aero51
#40
Jan17-13, 04:40 PM
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I didnt make it I made a comment in another thread and soooooo... many people felt compelled to voice their complaints about my mode of operation that this thread was created by Evo. What an honor.


So chris, tell me how you feel about my love life since it affects you, as it does others, so intimately?
Evo
#41
Jan17-13, 04:46 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
I didnt make it I made a comment in another thread and soooooo... many people felt compelled to voice their complaints about my mode of operation that this thread was created by Evo. What an honor.


So chris, tell me how you feel about my love life since it affects you, as it does others, so intimately?
Lesson learned aero, don't complain about how you can't get dates and give examples of why on a public forum and not expect responses. That's what happens on forums, you complain, you get responses.
xxChrisxx
#42
Jan17-13, 04:48 PM
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It still holds that you really don't come across well. And you still lose many points for blaming your failure with women on your job/degree/whatever.

Though you get one back for not making your own thread about it. Well done.
Evo
#43
Jan17-13, 04:52 PM
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Quote Quote by xxChrisxx View Post
It still holds that you really don't come across well. And you still lose many points for blaming your failure with women on your job/degree/whatever.

Though you get one back for not making your own thread about it. Well done.
Minus two for hijacking another thread with his problems instead of starting a new thread.
Ryan_m_b
#44
Jan17-13, 04:53 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
I didnt make it I made a comment in another thread and soooooo... many people felt compelled to voice their complaints about my mode of operation that this thread was created by Evo. What an honor.
I've noticed throughout this discussion that you have a very external mindset in the sense that you, at no point, have even acknowledged the possibility that there is something wrong with your behaviour and reasoning. Starting with the anecdote we're discussing you flat out reject any possibility that you may have caused the outcome (even when multiple people reach a different conclusion and concisely explain why) and instead project it onto others. For example:

- It's the fault of women being intimidated by your profession that you can't get a date
- The response to your claims are others in thread getting personally offended by your experience
- We are the ones who have gone on about this to the extent that Evo made a thread

You see? At no point have you demonstrated any reflexivity or specifically responded to the observations about what it is about your behaviour that has led to the situations you find undesirable. Instead you're pointing fingers. So ill ask you now: do you not understand how it could be perceived that your manner of speaking to this girl was insulting? Specifically the "you wouldn't understand" followed up by jargon you surely knew she wouldn't understand? And do you really not acknowledge that the ability to explain yourself in a manner befitting who you are speaking to is a positive social skill? And that it shouldn't be the job of the person you are speaking to to learn about what you mean?

Lastly whilst I can only comment for myself the reason I've been posting in this thread is that I genuinely think you could help yourself by acknowledging and making a few simple changes to your behaviour and ways of thinking. But I'm beginning to think this is impossible because you can't even acknowledge that you could have done anything wrong.
xxChrisxx
#45
Jan17-13, 05:19 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
So chris, tell me how you feel about my love life since it affects you, as it does others, so intimately?
I really don't care. If you want me to be honest I'm here because i'm an utter bastard and find it mildly amusing that you managed to screw up in your story so badly.


My story: I was sitting outside a bar with my friend smoking a cigar.
Good stuff, air of a bad boy about you.
A good looking girl approaches me...the scene has been set!
This is utter gold dust. The game should have been over at this point.
Girl: laughs
Well done you are being funny.
Me: Are you sure you want to know? It's really involved and highly specific. Its one of those things where if you are in the field its easy to talk about, but otherwise its foriegn to most people.
Being condescending - danger.
Me: Is there something about me that is intimidating or off-putting? I don't mean to be rude or put you on the spot, but every time I begin discussing what I do, girls stop talking to me. I always feel like girls are afraid to approach me, I have no idea why. Can you tell me the truth? I want to know because I don't understand.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Girl: Umm..well... your not intimidating to *me*
She was lying, basically trying not to hurt your feelings.


"Wait where are you going?!" she asked, clearly wanting him to stick around.
My friend, in a split split decision, said the follow: "Actually, I have to get going. I have a lot to do tomorrow. You see....I'm a Writer."

got her number, got a kiss, she even wanted to see him the following day
HINT: It's not because it said it was a writer.
All we can take from this is, your friend knows a hell of a lot more about playing the game than you do. I can guarantee you could say the exact same things as your friend, and get absolutely nowhere.


The difference is:
You come across a desperate.
Your friend comes across as aloof.
Pengwuino
#46
Jan17-13, 05:24 PM
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Try studying nuclear engineering.

Hasn't held me back.
WannabeNewton
#47
Jan17-13, 05:43 PM
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Quote Quote by Pengwuino View Post
Try studying nuclear engineering.

Hasn't held me back.
This is true. It's how peng and I fell in love with each other.
Aero51
#48
Jan17-13, 05:44 PM
P: 546
I really dont understand your (collective) personal investments in my life. I think we all know im anti social. Now what? You have something personal to gain. Whatever it is I hope you got it im done posting im going out to the bar to meet some chicks after dinner!
Pengwuino
#49
Jan17-13, 05:47 PM
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Quote Quote by WannabeNewton View Post
This is true. It's how peng and I fell in love with each other.
Reported for being disgusting.
Ryan_m_b
#50
Jan17-13, 05:48 PM
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Quote Quote by Aero51 View Post
I really dont understand your (collective) personal investments in my life. I think we all know im anti social. Now what? You have something personal to gain. Whatever it is I hope you got it im done posting im going out to the bar to meet some chicks after dinner!
Good luck with that. Try to pitch what you do in a friendly and accessible way, you never know things might turn out differently than they have before. Thread locked.


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