thread killer champions

JamesU

hhmmm... *doorbell rings* grrr..I'm trying to slip a pill into moonbear's drnk, who is that?! *opens door* oh, hi franzbear! how are you? so you avoided the firing squad? oh, they were bribed with that cracka-powdered sugar!

anyway, Moonbear wants to explain the powdered sugar, the sailors, the firing squad...moonbear?! I'll leave you two alone...

JamesU

*goes behind wall*
*slides eyes from painting of man*
*looks through eyeholes*
I can see moonbear and franzbear! I won't let her kill him, that's my job!

JamesU

it's off to the freezer for me...good night all

Artman

We need a top ten list why armadillos feel the need to mate on Letterman's desk. I'll be back later with mine.

Artman

Top ten reasons why armadillos mate on Letterman’s desk.

10. What the heck, they’re armadillos. They can do it wherever they want.

9. All the hotels were booked

8. They wanted to push the censorship boundaries on national TV

7. They figured they were too hot for prime time.

6. Letterman left a copy of Playarmadillo open to the centerfold in the greenroom.

5. They wanted to do it on Donny and Marie’s show but it wasn’t on the air anymore.

4. The male said, “Let’s just kiss. We won’t get carried away.”

3. The male said, “Let’s do it right here on the desk. No one’s watching.”

2. The female armadillo just discovered that male armadillos are really "well-endowed."

And the Number one reason that armadillos mate on Letterman’s desk is:

1. The band was playing a Barry White song.

Moonbear

That's great! Yep, speciesism rears its ugly head again. Noboby objects to well-endowed armadillos mating on Letterman's desk, but let some humans try and the censors will be all over it. Then again, do you suppose they were fined by the FCC for airing indecency?

Artman

"Is it twue what they say about how you awmadiwwos awe gwifted?"

I wonder if all male armadillos are so equiped or just that one?

"Hey baby, looky at what I got."
"Woof!"
"You want to check out my etching over here on Dave's desk?"
"Uh huh."

<Barry White playing in the background>
Your Sweet Shell is my Weakness
By Artman

(To the tune of Barry White's Your Sweetness Is My Weakness)

Ooh, armadillo, you know like I know, uh-huh
What your lovin’, shell baby, has done for me
Like a armadillo layin’ on a desk, uh-huh

You’re a lovely sight, on Letterman’s desk tonight, mmm, hmm
The way you give me your sweet love
Any place and time when you look at me I get weak in my knees
I’m so thankful that you’re mine

Your sweet shell is my weakness, yeah
Girl, your sweet shell is my weakness, yeah, yeah
Sweet hard shell is my weakness, well
You sweet shell is my weakness

They all say that I’m a fool, uh-huh
For lovin’ you, for lovin’ in front of Dave
But sure as I am, here on Letterman
I don’t care what they say, what the people say

Other armadillos try to imitate you
With the other armadillos, uh-huh
But I’m the only boy ‘round here
Whose got a superdillo uh huh.

Sweet shell is my weakness, yeah, yeah
Sweet shell is my weakness, yeah (Uh-huh), yeah (Uh-huh)
Sweet shell is my weakness, yeah (Ooh), yeah (Ooh)
Sweet shell is my weakness, yeah, yeah

Sweet shell is my weakness

Moonbear

Woo hoo! I think that might knock Rhino Love off the top of the charts!

Artman

The male says, "What do you think? Will Dave notice if just...you know...right here on his..."

<zip>

She says, "Um, a little sweet armadillo lovin'. Umhum, right here on the desk."

<(70's porno music) Bow chicka Bowwow>

"Ohh baby, the way you wiggle that armour baby. You know what they say baby, that an armadillo's armour is made up of small plates of horny bone. They don't know how true that is, baby they just don't know. Uh huh."

<Boomchucka Bow chicka Bowwow chicka boom chicka>

"Just open that shell baby, open that protective shell, uhhuh."

To which the female responds:

"Stop talking and give me that horny bone. You big hunk of armadillo."

Artman

When interviewed after the show the armadillos replied, "We don't know what happened. We usually do this while watching the tonight show..."

Artman

Then their moms and dads watching back in the armadillo house at the zoo...

"Hey turn on Letterman, Arthur and Amanda are on tonight."

<Turns on TV>

"There they are now. That nice man is putting them on Dave's desk. Isn't that sweet."

"What are they.."

Oh My God!!!!

Artman

Of course, after the show Amanda's mom said, "You know that Arthur is hung like a horse!"

JamesU

okay..I'm up.

I swear that I will put you all in a mental institution some day...

and is this: the best looking-around smiley we have?!

Artman

As the female armadillo was heard to say, "Once you've had 17" (not including the tail) of horny bone, you never go back."

DocToxyn

I thought the network termed the racy visuals a "plate-armor malfunction".

Moonbear

JamesU

*slips pills into moonbear's beer* that should take care of you for awhile...