How to Navigate a Confusing Relationship with This Girl - Expert Advice Inside!

[Psyguy22]

Psyguy22, it seems like nearly everything about this relationship is on *her* terms. Are you OK with that? It doesn't sound fair to me.

I don't know... maybe? Its usually easier I guess. If I.try not to control much, she won't get mad/ upset etc.. right?

 

[Pythagorean]

they have to sit down to pee too, lol

 

[Evo]

I'll be positive. I'm positive you should break things off.

 

[drizzle]

You seem to have lots of buts yourself too, Psyguy22.

It's really up to you, do accept to be in a 'confused' relationship and deal with whatever comes up? - doesn't sound good from what you tell.

 

[arildno]

they have to sit down to pee too, lol

They OUGHT to.
Right here in Oslo, in the middle of a well-frequented pedestrian street, I've witnessed that a drunk woman did not. A disturbing sight, for the rest of us

 

[drizzle]

I'll be positive. I'm positive you should break things off.

You know Evo, a few necks need to be broken here..

 

[Drakkith]

I don't know... maybe? Its usually easier I guess. If I.try not to control much, she won't get mad/ upset etc.. right?

This is a bad way of doing things. It isn't about control, its about compromise and common ground. If she doesn't want to do anything you want to do, then she isn't for you. And you aren't helping her or yourself by just letting her do whatever she wants and not have to think about you.

 

[Psyguy22]

It's not that she doesn't want to do anything I want to, she doesn't want to.put a label on us.. I think its because she still wants the freedom to talk and flirt with other guys..

 

[Evo]

It's not that she doesn't want to do anything I want to, she doesn't want to.put a label on us.. I think its because she still wants the freedom to talk and flirt with other guys..

Definitely drop her as a romantic interest. You asked.

Find a nice girl that wants you.

 

[Drakkith]

It's not that she doesn't want to do anything I want to, she doesn't want to.put a label on us.. I think its because she still wants the freedom to talk and flirt with other guys..

Well, it's up to you. She obviously isn't ready for a real relationship. So the issue is what do YOU want to do? Do you want to be in a relationship with her or not? If you aren't sure, then do yourself a favor and drop it, as not being able to decide means that you aren't ready yet in most cases.

 

[Evo]

To paraphrase an old saying

"When one door closes, another one opens. But we tend to look so hard and for so long at the door that has closed, that we fail to see the one that has opened to us."

 

[seaofghosts]

Coming from a girl who dated a lot between ages 19 - 22, she sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. You're not the kind of person she wants to be with right now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't respect you. She probably "treats" you like you're in a relationship because she needs the support. She already set the boundary in terms of a relationship, which is why she let someone flirt in front of you (which, honestly, what did you expect her to do? stop him and be like "dude this is my ex, quit flirting with me, he might be sensitive"?). At this stage in her life she's probably going to be flaky when it comes to guys until she settles in and figures out what she really wants (which could take years).

My suggestion is to either be her friend if you think she'd be a good one, or write her off.

 

[Pythagorean]

To paraphrase an old saying

"When one door closes, another one opens. But we tend to look so hard and for so long at the door that has closed, that we fail to see the one that has opened to us."

Or sometimes we have two open doors and we try to keep them both open without going in either of them and we get our fingers slammed in both (opportunist option).

 

[Crake2]

Or sometimes we have two open doors and we try to keep them both open without going in either of them and we get our fingers slammed in both (opportunist option).

To paraphrase an old saying

"When one door closes, another one opens. But we tend to look so hard and for so long at the door that has closed, that we fail to see the one that has opened to us."

Why does when a door closes, another one opens?

I never found the door that opens. I think what we have is a big number of opened doors and as life goes by, more and more close.

 

[E_M_C]

@Psyguy22

This girl you're stressing over has no respect for you because you're too available. You're another willful victim in her never-ending emotional game. Stop making yourself available, stop playing her game. The next time she tries to engage you, don't be reactive. Women don't like it when guys act emotional or needy, it's unattractive. You have to send the message that you have more important things to do.

Example phone call/text:

Her: Wanna hang out this Friday?
You: Maybe.

Her: Wanna go to a movie?
You: I've already made plans, maybe another time.

Her: Can we meet up? We need to talk mister!
You: We'll see.

Her: Hey, what are you up to?
You: I'm kinda busy, let me call you back.
(Don't call back)Do you see what's going on here? You can't allow yourself to commit to a definite answer. It doesn't matter whether or not you say "yes" or "no" or "I'd love to see you this Friday" or "I never want to see you again", because the end result will be the same: She'll know that she has the ability to sway your emotions, and thus continue to treat you like a pawn in her game. Instead, you send the message that she has no impact on your life whatsoever by staying neutral, nonreactive, unavailable.

That's the microcosm. Here's the macro: You're too young to be in a relationship right now. You need to work on your social skills with the opposite sex: ask girls out to the movies, go to parties, go out with a group of friends, mix it up. After you have some experience under your belt (no pun), you'll be a better judge of character and you'll be able to discern whether or not a particular girl is worth your time and effort.

 

[Psyguy22]

@Psyguy22

This girl you're stressing over has no respect for you because you're too available. You're another willful victim in her never-ending emotional game. Stop making yourself available, stop playing her game. The next time she tries to engage you, don't be reactive. Women don't like it when guys act emotional or needy, it's unattractive. You have to send the message that you have more important things to do.

Example phone call/text:

Her: Wanna hang out this Friday?
You: Maybe.

Her: Wanna go to a movie?
You: I've already made plans, maybe another time.

Her: Can we meet up? We need to talk mister!
You: We'll see.

Her: Hey, what are you up to?
You: I'm kinda busy, let me call you back.
(Don't call back)


Do you see what's going on here? You can't allow yourself to commit to a definite answer. It doesn't matter whether or not you say "yes" or "no" or "I'd love to see you this Friday" or "I never want to see you again", because the end result will be the same: She'll know that she has the ability to sway your emotions, and thus continue to treat you like a pawn in her game. Instead, you send the message that she has no impact on your life whatsoever by staying neutral, nonreactive, unavailable.

That's the microcosm. Here's the macro: You're too young to be in a relationship right now. You need to work on your social skills with the opposite sex: ask girls out to the movies, go to parties, go out with a group of friends, mix it up. After you have some experience under your belt (no pun), you'll be a better judge of character and you'll be able to discern whether or not a particular girl is worth your time and effort.

Wow. Thanks! I'm gunna try this! Your probably right. Thank all of you for your help!

 

[E_M_C]

My pleasure. Good luck.

 

[Drakkith]

Please, don't fall for the "all girls like/dislike X" trick similar to the one that EMC told you. Women are individuals with unique personalities. There is no trick, no guaranteed method to dating. For either gender. It may work for this particular situation you are in, but i feel you just need to decide if you want to keep being around someone who doesn't seem to want you, or if you want to move on.