Joke of the Day: Dilbert (Scott Adams) Humor - Identifying Wasted Time

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In summary, the time sheet is a waste of time and the people in charge don't seem to understand what it is or how to use it.
  • #1
Astronuc
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Joke of the day - Dilbert (Scott Adams) kind of humor.

SUBJ: Identifying wasted time
TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a list specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,

Accounting
Attached: Extended Job-Code List

Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting
5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319 Waiting for Break
5320 Waiting for Lunch
5321 Waiting for End of Day
5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481 Buying Snack
5482 Eating Snack
5500 Filling Out Timesheet
5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502 Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 Scratching Yourself
5504 Sleeping
5510 Feeling Bored
5511 Feeling Horny
5600 Complaining About Lousy Job
5601 Complaining About Low Pay
5602 Complaining About Long Hours
5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
5604 Complaining About Boss
5605 Complaining About Personal Problems
5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 Not Actually Present At Job
5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102 Ordering Out
6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 Stealing Company Goods
6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205 Hiding from Boss
6206 Gossip
6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211 Updating Resume
6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213 Out of Office on Interview
6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223 Pretending You Like Coworker
6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
6602 Complaining
6603 Writing a Book on Company Time
6611 Staring Into Space
6612 Staring At Computer Screen
6615 Transcendental Meditation
7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000 Recreational Drug Use
8001 Non-recreational Drug Use
8002 Liquid Lunch
8100 Reading e-mail

Feel free to add - but use a unique code.

btw - http://www.dilbert.com/
 
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  • #2
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Does it get any better?! I have the (un)fortunate job of accounting various expenditures in a certain ministry and half of the bills just doesn't fit under any of the codes. Guess how often they bounce back to me? Yup!

But the crucial 9000 is missing:

9000 Writing posts on PF
9001 Trying hard to understand posts on PF
9002 Pointing out flaws in posts on PF
9003 Complaining about your employer on PF
etc.
 
  • #3
6660 Conducting satanic ritual :biggrin:
6661 Participating in satanic ritual
 
  • #4
6616 Pen Spinning

Thats what I spend most of my time doing in class.

http://toxicbug.org/pen1.gif [Broken]
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #5
6617 Trying to figure out that pencil spinning thing
6618 Sharpening pencil after breaking lead
6619 Jumping up and down trying to get pencil unstuck from ceiling
6620 Emergency room visit to get pencil lead extracted from leg
 
  • #6
5505 Trying to figure out which code to use on your time sheet.

They actually give us time sheets to fill out as faculty here! They've never gotten any of us to take it seriously (we do make sure the hourly employees have their time recorded correctly since their paycheck depends on it). For starters, the record sheet doesn't even include Saturday and Sunday on it! And it comes with little H's pre-filled in for "holidays," but none of us really seems to know what that word means. So, someone in HR is killing a lot of trees and probably buying a lot of file cabinets to hang onto time records that have nothing more informative on them than our names, lines drawn through all the dates (yep, I worked that day), and a signature at the bottom. I've been tempted to fill one month out accurately, just to make someone figure out how to input the information...do they know how to record work hours that go from 10 AM of one day to 2 AM the next day? The funny thing is, my appointment is technically only 95% (since I'm not tenure-track, this is how they get around union hiring rules and call me part-time faculty)...what I'm still trying to figure out is 95% of what? I figure it just means I am officially allowed to spend 5% more of my day than tenure-track faculty not doing anything productive. :rofl:
 
  • #7
I briefly worked under a company that purchased the division in which I was working. We were then introduced to electronic timesheets. What a pain. Occassionally I would make an input error, which I had then to change with an explanation, and then the VP had to approve the change. I got to the point where my explanations included some shots at the administration (bunch of a-retentive folk) of the company, and the VP refused approval unless I edited the criticism and sarcasm out of the explanation. :biggrin:

But I gets even worse. We had to project our billing for the next week and next month - I kid you not! If at the end of the following week, our hours were different, we would have to explain the difference, i.e. explain why we were working on a different project or spent more hours on one and not on the other as projected. It was so stupid!

Fortunately, I had at least two offers from other companies to come work for them - and so I quit the stupidity (among other things) and changed jobs.
 
  • #8
6111 Wishing life was like Office Space
6112 Imaging if there are really "The Bobs" somewhere in this big world
6113 Seeing how many caffeinated beverages you can consume before your bladder explodes
6114 Trying to figure out what the hell "PC Load Letter" means
6115 Planning how to steal your neighbor in the next cube's stapler, cause it works so much better than the piece of junk they gave you!
 

1. What is the purpose of the "Joke of the Day" featuring Dilbert?

The purpose of the "Joke of the Day" featuring Dilbert is to provide humor and satire about the corporate world and office life. It aims to make people laugh and reflect on the absurdities of working in a typical office setting.

2. Who is Scott Adams and what is his role in the "Joke of the Day"?

Scott Adams is the creator of the popular comic strip "Dilbert" and the writer of the "Joke of the Day". He is an American cartoonist and author who uses satire and humor to comment on corporate culture and office politics.

3. How often is the "Joke of the Day" featuring Dilbert updated?

The "Joke of the Day" featuring Dilbert is updated daily, Monday through Friday. This means there is a new joke every weekday for readers to enjoy.

4. Are the jokes in the "Joke of the Day" based on real-life experiences?

Yes, many of the jokes in the "Joke of the Day" are based on real-life experiences. Scott Adams draws inspiration from his own experiences working in corporate America, as well as stories shared by his readers.

5. Can I submit my own ideas for the "Joke of the Day"?

Yes, Scott Adams encourages readers to submit their own ideas for the "Joke of the Day" through his website. However, he receives a large number of submissions and cannot guarantee that all ideas will be used.

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