Relationship & dating 'rules'.

[matthyaouw]

Ok, I've been noticing recently that there seems to be a lot of superficiality in relationships and dating. A while ago, a friend was telling me how with some women, you can be on dodgy ground by saying "you look good in that" because apparently that implies that they don't look good normally, and so the only safe way to complement their attire is to say "that looks good on you". And then of course there is the dreaded "Does this make my bum look big?"...

So, what do you expect from a person you date? Should the man pay, and hold doors? How will you react if he doesn't? Will you call a guy/girl back if say, their table manners are not perfect (sorry Evo)? On what grounds have you turned someone down (or been turned down) aside from their personality?

Has anyone actually said "well actually, yeah it does look a bit big in that dress" to a girl, or had it said to you? Do tell me what happened.

 

[FredGarvin]

Ok, I've been noticing recently that there seems to be a lot of superficiality in relationships and dating.

This is unavoidable, especially in younger age groups. Priorities change with age. Dating, for me, was monumentally easier when I was approaching 30.

A while ago, a friend was telling me how with some women, you can be on dodgy ground by saying "you look good in that" because apparently that implies that they don't look good normally, and so the only safe way to complement their attire is to say "that looks good on you". And then of course there is the dreaded "Does this make my bum look big?"...

Those are the psychotic ones. If a woman has an issue with you complimenting her, try to correct her/explain it to her once. If she keeps reading way too much into your compliments, move on.

Should the man pay, and hold doors?

Absolutely. Good manners is never a bad thing. If she would like to pick up a tab, let her do it occasionally after you have been together for a while.

On what grounds have you turned someone down (or been turned down) aside from their personality?

I stopped dating a woman after 2 dates because she was a very loud talker in the movie theater. I took that as a sign that she was self-absorbed. I ended up being right (in my opinion anyways).

Has anyone actually said "well actually, yeah it does look a bit big in that dress" to a girl, or had it said to you? Do tell me what happened.

I did. Once. I woke up three days later.

 

[Mk]

What about the homosexual? What kind of rules do they have?

 

[brewnog]

Conversation between a couple I know:


Her: "Does my bum look big in this?"
Him: "Bigger than usual, yeah. It looks good!"
Her: "Ooh, okay!"


They're still together, and argue on an hourly basis, but always make up.

 

[Smurf]

Conversation between a couple I know:


Her: "Does my bum look big in this?"
Him: "Bigger than usual, yeah. It looks good!"
Her: "Ooh, okay!"


They're still together, and argue on an hourly basis, but always make up.

I KNEW someone was tapping my phone lines!

 

[yourdadonapogostick]

on the manners thing, it isn't really expected. i went out with a person that i had been friends with long ago, and she said i was one of the few people left with manners. it wasn't anything big, just open doors, pay for activitys and food, and stuff like that.

 

[honestrosewater]

Not all women want the man to pay, open their doors, etc. If you go to open your date's door and they say it isn't necessary, then it isn't necessary. If you don't know how someone wants to be treated, you can just ask.
You: Can I get the door for you?
Them: Yes, please -or- No, thank you.
What's so difficult about that?

 

[brewnog]

I've never seen why a man should be expected to pay on a date.

I've always split the bill, or bought dinner if she bought cinema and drinks, kinda thing. When the other one's particularly poor at the time, I'll pay, and if I'm particularly poor at the time, I'll let her pay.


Then again, that's possibly why I'm currently single.

 

[mattmns]

Yeah Women do not want to be treated equally, they want to feel special! A while back when I was sitting outside of a red lobster, this girl stood in front of me waiting for her boyfriend, who was getting his/their car. Well, when the guy drove up, he did that lean over and push the door open thing (without getting out of the car), well when the girl got in she said, "thanks for getting out and opening the door for me." in a grumpy tone. I just sat there and laughed secretly to myself.

 

[brewnog]

Sorry, I'd missed something until now. I'd thought that we were talking about holding a door open for a girl. This is just politness, I'll hold a door open for anyone. But if you're in a car, can't a girl open a fegging door for herself?!

I think I'd just laugh at anyone who expected me to open a car door for them.


But again, this is possibly why I'm single...





Beginning to feel like I'm not nearly as nice as I thought I was!

 

[matthyaouw]

Well you know, discrimination is a terrible thing, unless it works in your favour.

 

[Smurf]

Then again there's that new wave of girls who will resent any action to try to make them 'special' and will make a special point out of opening a door for themselves if you try to do it for them.

 

[brewnog]

Then again there's that new wave of girls who will resent any action to try to make them 'special' and will make a special point out of opening a door for themselves if you try to do it for them.

This is a 'new wave'?! I think this thing has been happening over here for the past 30 years!

 

[quantumdude]

You: Can I get the door for you?
Them: Yes, please -or- No, thank you.
What's so difficult about that?

What's so difficult about it is that the typical specimen from the female species (Lat: homo sapien paininthearse) rarely, if ever, means what she says. And very few of them respect a two-valued logic, whereby statements are either "true" or "false" (present company excluded, of course ). Specimens typically act as though some third option exists, wherein statements can be simultaneously true and false, or whatever they need to be so that the man is wrong.

 

[FredGarvin]

Not all women want the man to pay, open their doors, etc. If you go to open your date's door and they say it isn't necessary, then it isn't necessary. If you don't know how someone wants to be treated, you can just ask.
You: Can I get the door for you?
Them: Yes, please -or- No, thank you.
What's so difficult about that?

Along the lines of what Tom said, you have to not only ask and get a reply, but you have to interpret how that question and answer makes them feel and how they feel about the door being opened for them. The two are not necessisarily going to coincide. Quantum mechanics is easier to understand.

 

[matthyaouw]

Not all women want the man to pay, open their doors, etc. If you go to open your date's door and they say it isn't necessary, then it isn't necessary. If you don't know how someone wants to be treated, you can just ask.
You: Can I get the door for you?
Them: Yes, please -or- No, thank you.
What's so difficult about that?

In some situations perhaps, but I'm not sure it would be appropriate to ask all the time. Eg "does my bum look big in this?" "Would you like honesty, or support dear?"

 

[honestrosewater]

Well, I feel for you guys. I get on my mom's case when she complains that some guy didn't offer to pick her up at her house or buy her drinks or something, yet at the same time, she complains about not being treated as an equal in other respects. I thought maybe she was just weird (well, she is weird (but I still love you, mom)). Still, not all women behave this way.

 

[matthyaouw]

True, not all women are like that, and I hope I've not given off the impression that I think they are.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Has anyone actually said "well actually, yeah it does look a bit big in that dress" to a girl, or had it said to you? Do tell me what happened.

I did. Once. I woke up three days later.

:rofl:

Do you have these suicidal impulses often or was that just an isolated incident?

 

[quantumdude]

Just to really bring the point home, let me tell you about a date I had with a woman. It was a first and last date, all rolled up into one lousy evening.

We were talking one day about music. My favorite thing to do is go catch a really good live band in a local club. She indicated that she would be interested in seeing a show with me, so I invited her to go see my favorite band with me. I told her that the show starts at 10:30, and I asked her if she could be at my apartment by 10:00 (the show was near my place) so that we could go and get a good spot.

Well, she gets to my place at 11:30, just in time for us to arrive for the first set break. Then not 3 songs into the second set she says she wants to leave. Here's how the dialog went.

Her: "I'd like to get out of here."
Me: "OK, I'm going to stay for the rest of the show, but I'll walk you to your car."
Her: "Oh no, you don't have to."
Me: "I know I don't have to. I want to."
Her: "No, that's fine. It isn't necessary."
Me: "OK, good night."
Her: "Good night."

I'd have thought that that was the end of it, but her best friend was the girlfriend of my best friend (they were hoping we would hit it off) and the following exchange got back to me.

Friend: "Did you have a nice time with Tom?"
Her: "It was OK. The club was really loud."
Friend: "But did you like him?"
Her: "Well..."
Friend: "Well...?"
Her: "He was nice, but I left before him and he didn't even walk me to my car."
Friend: "He just let you leave by yourself?!"
Her: "Yes."
Friend: "Oh no he didn't!" (imagine the pitch getting more ghetto-fied as the conversation progresses)
Her: "Oh yes he did!"
Friend: "Girlfriend, you got ta let him know what's what. Drop the 411 on him about how to treat a lady and (expletive deleted)."

THAT'S more like a realistic dialog.

 

[honestrosewater]

Well, Tom, you obviously need to bring your mind-reading abilities up to par before entering the dating pool.

 

[Kazza_765]

And very few of them respect a two-valued logic, whereby statements are either "true" or "false" (present company excluded, of course ). Specimens typically act as though some third option exists, wherein statements can be simultaneously true and false, or whatever they need to be so that the man is wrong.

I think Tom has stumbled across a quantum theory of dating.

 

[dduardo]

How engineers solve dating dilemmas:

1) Opening Car Doors for Dates

Solution: Hydraulic lamborghini doors that open automatically when you press the unlock door button on your keys.

5) Opening Other Doors

Solution: Only go into places with automatic doors or eat outside. The other option is to go on the date with casts on your arms.

2) Dates that Lie to Girlfriends

Solution: Hidden video/audio recorder in clothing or glasses. Can be used as evidence if required.

3) Complementing Dates

Solution: Complements/Sarcasm genenator. Your glasses or shades would have a built in heads up display which is connected to your PDA and would show you the next complement/sarcastic remark you should say.

4) Paying For Dinner

Solution: Can of Worms. Put worms in desert and get out of paying.

 

[Evo]

Has anyone actually said "well actually, yeah it does look a bit big in that dress" to a girl, or had it said to you? Do tell me what happened.

My ex husband did. I fell in love with a hand knit dress I saw, but it cost a bit more than I usually allowed myself to spend, so I was agonizing over buying it. My husband told me "you'd look like 10 pounds of sh!t in a 5 pound bag". I was a size 1, I weighed 102 pounds. I never forgot that comment. :grumpy:

(he was actually a great guy and was just busting my chops) or maybe he really meant it...

 

[pattylou]

Ok, I've been noticing recently that there seems to be a lot of superficiality in relationships and dating. A while ago, a friend was telling me how with some women, you can be on dodgy ground by saying "you look good in that" because apparently that implies that they don't look good normally, and so the only safe way to complement their attire is to say "that looks good on you". And then of course there is the dreaded "Does this make my bum look big?"...

First off - the best way to couch a compliment (imo) is to put it in terms of "even better."

"You look even nicer than you did (yesterday, earlier, etc)" "You're even sweeter today than the first day we met." Etc.

As far as the bum comment. Well, if I were a guy I'd ditch any girl that had the low self esteem to ask. But since you may be with someone you care about, who *does* ask, my advice is to say something positive and non-committal (and not in any way a lie). These , no doubt, need some work - but something like: "I feel fortunate to be dating you, your bum is the last thing on my mind. I think you're perfect." Or, if your relationship is a little dodgier: "I get such a thrill running my hand over your bum, I wouldn't change it at all. "

-Patty

(p.s. a funny comment about marriage seems appropriate at this point. After our third baby and many physical 'sags,' I started working out in a committed fashion. There were benefits from day one, on my emotional state, my weight, my muscle tone. I remember about two years into the routine, dear husband saying "Hey. Your ass is perkier than it used to be." :rofl: As unromantic as his phrasing was, I admit it made me grin. I don't recommend that approach for a fledgling relationship.)

 

[Kazza_765]

How engineers solve dating dilemmas:

You're lying DD, engineers don't get dates

 

[loseyourname]

Ok, I've been noticing recently that there seems to be a lot of superficiality in relationships and dating. A while ago, a friend was telling me how with some women, you can be on dodgy ground by saying "you look good in that" because apparently that implies that they don't look good normally, and so the only safe way to complement their attire is to say "that looks good on you".

Oftentimes they don't look good normally, which is fine. I would guess that, on a day-to-day basis when sitting around the house, I don't look all that good either.

So, what do you expect from a person you date? Should the man pay, and hold doors?

I expect that whoever gets to the door first opens it and holds it open for the rest of the entering party.

Will you call a guy/girl back if say, their table manners are not perfect (sorry Evo)?

If the woman's a complete slob, I'll probably just tell her so. Chances are, it will only bother me if I'm already in a bad mood. Otherwise, who cares? The point is to get the food into your stomach, by any means necessary.

On what grounds have you turned someone down (or been turned down) aside from their personality?

If she's an only child, child of divorced parents, has ever attempted suicide, has ever been addicted to drugs, has ever been on psychiatric medication, has attended more than two protests in the last year, has ever been a 'groupie,' or has served time in prison, she's automatically disqualified. Other than that, I suppose being physically repulsive, overweight, or lacking any interest in intellectual or artistic pursuit of any kind (mind you - she doesn't have to be smart or talented, just interested) can disqualify her as well.

Has anyone actually said "well actually, yeah it does look a bit big in that dress" to a girl, or had it said to you? Do tell me what happened.

It happens. I recommend she either wear black, vertical stripes, or something to draw attention away from that particular area. If that doesn't work, she can either lose weight or quit worrying about it and learn to accept her fat ass. A lot of men find the ghetto booty quite attractive; it's hardly the end of the world to possesses one.

 

[theCandyman]

While we are discussing rules, can anyone tell me what the oldest someone at age 15 would be allowed to date? I would like a response from someone with kids, I feel that he or she could give an accurate answer.

 

[loseyourname]

While we are discussing rules, can anyone tell me what the oldest someone at age 15 would be allowed to date? I would like a response from someone with kids, I feel that he or she could give an accurate answer.

17, as far as I'm concerned. But that's from the point of view of someone who doesn't want to date a person he can't legally have intercourse with, not a parent. I do have a 15 year-old sister, and I'd rather she didn't date anyone. Boys at that age are sex-crazed fools and are generally completely incompetent within relationships.

 

[Evo]

she can either lose weight or quit worrying about it and learn to accept her fat ass. A lot of men find the ghetto booty quite attractive; it's hardly the end of the world to possesses one.

As my former boss would say "don't hold back, tell us how you really feel!". :tongue:

 

[Astronuc]

My ex husband did. I fell in love with a hand knit dress I saw, but it cost a bit more than I usually allowed myself to spend, so I was agonizing over buying it. My husband told me "you'd look like 10 pounds of sh!t in a 5 pound bag". I was a size 1, I weighed 102 pounds. I never forgot that comment. :grumpy:

(he was actually a great guy and was just busting my chops) or maybe he really meant it...

Evo, I hope you are kidding. I would never say such a thing to the woman about whom I care, not even in jest. A great guy wouldn't say such a thing. :grumpy:

And you were 102 lbs? Geez, I used to pick that up in one hand. Just about to get back to that point too.

 

[russ_watters]

If that doesn't work, she can either lose weight or quit worrying about it and learn to accept her fat ass. A lot of men find the ghetto booty quite attractive; it's hardly the end of the world to possesses one.

I have an insecurity problem. By that I don't mean I'm insecure (I am, but that's a different issue), I mean I'm honest and have trouble figuring out when its appropriate to lie, dodge, evade, etc. I'm learning, but when a female friend of mine said we should rate each other on a 1-10 scale (physically and on personality), I took off running. I can take a punch ok, but she's a little bigger than I am... :uhh:

 

[Moonbear]

The most important rule is not to have another girlfriend. I found out tonight this guy I have met at conferences every year and really like and finally had a chance to get alone has a girlfriend, and a serious one at that. Are there any nice, single guys left in my general age range?

 

[honestrosewater]

If she's an only child, child of divorced parents, has ever attempted suicide, has ever been addicted to drugs, has ever been on psychiatric medication, has attended more than two protests in the last year, has ever been a 'groupie,' or has served time in prison, she's automatically disqualified.

What do those things tell you about what kind of person someone is?

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

The most important rule is not to have another girlfriend. I found out tonight this guy I have met at conferences every year and really like and finally had a chance to get alone has a girlfriend, and a serious one at that. Are there any nice, single guys left in my general age range?

Awwww... I'm sorry Moonie.