Turning a friend into a girlfriend

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In summary, the girl is very cute, has a lot of men chasing after her, and has a problem becoming friendly with men. She is also friends with Cyrus, but he is starting to get upset with the amount of dating advice being given on the forum.
  • #1
kexue
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I'm one of her best friends, she tells me about her boyfriends, her problems, everything, She text-messages me almost everyday. We hang out together at her place, cook together, watch dvds. I make her laugh, comfort her when she is down, whole program. I'm not ugly, either. But still we are just friends. It sucks.

She is very cute, she constantly has men chasing after her. She also has the problem becoming friendly with men since they rather would turn her into their girlfriend than becoming friends.

So just telling her, I think would not do. She sees me 100 percent as her friend.

So what to do? How can I get out of the friendship zone?
 
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  • #2
kexue said:
. She sees me 100 percent as her friend.

So what to do? How can I get out of the friendship zone?


You can't. Either be her friend or move on.

http://xkcd.com/513/
 
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  • #3
Have you noticed any hint of jealousy on her part, when you talk about girls you like?
 
  • #4
Ask her out. If she says no, move on with your life.

Sucks, but if she does not like you it is impossible to force her to do so. If you try to manipulate her into it then you are a horribly selfish person.
 
  • #5
Oh, Cyrus?

If she already sees you as a friend and only that then you're probably out of luck. I've heard a lot of women say they know whether or not they'd sleep with someone (If you're not sexually active I'd say this probably translates over.) as soon as they lay eyes on them. If you're her crutch when boyfriend is being an *** and neither of you have made any sort've romantic move yet then it doesn't look good. You also said she's mentioned she's got a problem with her guy friends coming on to her. I wouldn't be surprised if this was some sort of "so don't go trying to get in my pants" type of hint. In fact, I'd bet on it.

You'll just have to tell her how you feel or send some sort've umistakeable signal and hope for the best if you decide to proceed.

matthyaouw: I don't think "manipulate" is the right word, and I don't think it's selfish. That's pretty much how things are done under normal circumstances... he certainly wouldn't be the only one "spittin' game", as the kids say.
 
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  • #6
If she hasn't already made it seem like she wants to be more than just friends, then she probably doesn't want to.
(I had this girl who was a friend who I do like, and she always made these joking comments, like telling me to strip down. I didn't make a move or anything and she eventually got a boyfriend. I don't know if that ship has sailed, but whatever.)

I wouldn't suggest telling her what you told us, since that might make the friendship kind of awkward or ruin the whole thing completely. Sounds like you have a good friendship thing going, so try to keep that for as long as possible. Maybe she'll eventually come around.
 
  • #7
Friendship zone is a myth. I used to believe in it until I had two long term girl friends (5 year, 3 year) break up with me and immediately start dating a guy friend in our "crew" they'd been close friends with for years. Both girls are now engaged/married.
 
  • #8
You should make a move on her man. Just something simple like go out for dinner and let her know how much you care for her and stuff. Nothing like 'hey I want to be with you forever' cause that will make it awkward. You have to let her know you're interested in her and wait and see if she shows any interest back or comes to you. If not then NEXXXXXTTTTT.
 
  • #9
kexue, are you only being her friend because you want to be her boyfriend? If that's the case, make a move on her and if she rejects you, move along.

If you started out as only friends and now you want more, go for it, but realize if she's not interested in you romantically, it could make things really awkward.
 
  • #10
I think if she liked you in a bf/gf kinda way, she would have let you know by now. It's crazy depressing I know, but you got to move on. DON'T tell her how you feel. Do you know how awkward it is when you find out a close friend finds you attractive, but you're not attracted to them? You really shouldn't do that to her.
 
  • #11
I don't blame Cyrus for getting upset at these threads!

It isn't the fact that people ask for dating advice on a physics forum that bothers me. It's that their problems are so silly and trivial. So I'm hijacking this thread! I have some serious dating problems that need an immediate solution!

Does anybody know a quick and easy way to define the shape of a cat using Legendre polynomials, taking into consideration that I probably won't know what type of cat it is ahead of time? This is a serious dating problem that needs a solution by this weekend!
 
  • #12
for your own sanity either get the ability to just tell her how you feel or move on because these types of "relationships" were one is lusting after another is just not healthy.
 
  • #13
kexue said:
I'm one of her best friends, she tells me about her boyfriends, her problems, everything, She text-messages me almost everyday. We hang out together at her place, cook together, watch dvds. I make her laugh, comfort her when she is down, whole program. I'm not ugly, either. But still we are just friends. It sucks.

She is very cute, she constantly has men chasing after her. She also has the problem becoming friendly with men since they rather would turn her into their girlfriend than becoming friends.

So just telling her, I think would not do. She sees me 100 percent as her friend.

So what to do? How can I get out of the friendship zone?

Since you are not dating there's not much you can do to make her start looking at you in a romantic way at this point. I think this actually narrows your options to the point of simplicity: wait until the next time you are hanging out late at night, watching a movie, just the two of you, a bit tipsy...and just steal yourself a kiss. Then see what she does. She may very well kiss you back. If she doesn't, then she doesn't have any romantic interest in you, and she'll let you know that..and it shouldn't damage your friendship -- the only way it would damage your friendship is if you start acting awkward and sullen after she turns you down.
 
  • #14
BobG said:
I don't blame Cyrus for getting upset at these threads!

It isn't the fact that people ask for dating advice on a physics forum that bothers me. It's that their problems are so silly and trivial. So I'm hijacking this thread! I have some serious dating problems that need an immediate solution!

Does anybody know a quick and easy way to define the shape of a cat using Legendre polynomials, taking into consideration that I probably won't know what type of cat it is ahead of time? This is a serious dating problem that needs a solution by this weekend!

Just assume the cat is spherical.
 
  • #15
BobG said:
I don't blame Cyrus for getting upset at these threads!

It isn't the fact that people ask for dating advice on a physics forum that bothers me. It's that their problems are so silly and trivial. So I'm hijacking this thread! I have some serious dating problems that need an immediate solution!

Does anybody know a quick and easy way to define the shape of a cat using Legendre polynomials, taking into consideration that I probably won't know what type of cat it is ahead of time? This is a serious dating problem that needs a solution by this weekend!

Actually I think you'll need to use the spherical harmonics, which form a complete set of orthogonal functions such that any surface can be expressed as a linear combination of them. All you've got to do is get an approximate functional form for your cat and then calculate the Fourier coefficients. Then, keep adding a few terms randomly until it looks like your cat!

Oh yeah, about the girl. You could try bombarding her with neutrons and see if she decays into your girlfriend. Heck, you might even get her into an excited state...
 
  • #16
Thanks everybody!

OK, so only option is making a move which comes with the very high risk of creating an awkward moment, maybe even ruining the friendship.

Will think about it.
 
  • #17
arunma said:
Oh yeah, about the girl. You could try bombarding her with neutrons and see if she decays into your girlfriend. Heck, you might even get her into an excited state...

The downside being that radioactive girlfriends are almost as annoying as psychotic girlfriends.
 
  • #18
Greg Bernhardt said:
Friendship zone is a myth. I used to believe in it until I had two long term girl friends (5 year, 3 year) break up with me and immediately start dating a guy friend in our "crew" they'd been close friends with for years. Both girls are now engaged/married.

I tend to agree...I think the closest you can get to a true friendship zone is AFTER you've slept together, given a try at a relationship, mutually agreed to end it, lost attraction, and decided to remain friends. Either that, or both people have to find the other unattractive from the start.
 
  • #19
junglebeast said:
I tend to agree...I think the closest you can get to a true friendship zone is AFTER you've slept together, given a try at a relationship, mutually agreed to end it, lost attraction, and decided to remain friends. Either that, or both people have to find the other unattractive from the start.

Nothing is for sure, nothing is for certain, and nothing last forever. Then again, it's probably a waste of your time to pour a bunch of chemicals into a vat and wait around for an f-15 fighter jet to spontaneously form...
 
  • #20
If you are friends then it's easy. The next step is to turn her into your booty call. Don't go for a straight relationship. She'll never go for that. If she doesn't have a BF then your chances are good if you play it right.

WoW man...don't listen to these people! Do not make a move unless you want to ruin your friendship. Your goal is to make her your friendship booty call and not a relationship. If you try to jump in and kiss her, she'll back off and think WTF. You have to talk her into giving you some azz strictly as friendship.
 
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  • #21
I didn't see the following answer yet! : Send her a text-message saying : " I love you, "her name". I'm not kidding."
She won't have any doubt. Let's see what happen.
 
  • #22
fluidistic said:
I didn't see the following answer yet! : Send her a text-message saying : " I love you, "her name". I'm not kidding."
She won't have any doubt. Let's see what happen.

No... Send her a text message that says, "When you going to let me hit it?". If you get flat out rejected, you can claim your brother was using the phone but if you say "I love you" then you are stuck because an excuse wouldn't even help you. You have already lead her on that you like her. Then she'll just distance herself from you.
 
  • #23
Never lose a good friend through gamesmanship. If it is meant to be (she becomes a GF) it will happen. Hang out, find more reasons to find time together, etc, but NO pressure. It can take a long time before a friend realizes that you are more than a buddy, and becomes attracted to you romantically.

Women are natural-born matchmakers. If they are not romantically interested in you, but they love you as a friend and respect your personal qualities, they will eventually recommend you to a friend and throw you together. Beware! Some of these hook-ups will be designed to benefit one person more than another, so you should wade in carefully. Still, it's nice to have both males and females as close friends - you'll figure this out eventually.
 
  • #24
Look this is easy! Here's a mock scenario of text messaging.


Kexue: When you going to let me hit it?
Girl: What? Is this Kexue?
Kexue: Yeah it's me, I need some azz but let's just keep it strictly friendship
Girl: Okay, Saturday sounds good?

See! Win! :biggrin:

The worst that she'll say is no. You could just claim that someone had your phone. On the other hand if you tell her that you love her before you even have a relationship is scary to women. They have to be in a relationship before they hear the L word.
 
  • #25
Just ask her what kind of guys she would like to date and if she want to try out a relationship with you.
 
  • #26
rootX said:
Just ask her what kind of guys she would like to date and if she want to try out a relationship with you.

NO man! Don't do this.. You are in the friendship zone right now so you have to play it like a friendship!


Okay, here's another one.

Kexue: When you going to let me hit it?
Girl: What? Is this Kexue?
Kexue: Yeah it's me, I need some azz but let's keep it strictly friendship
Girl: But I don't see you that way
Kexue: I don't see you that way either but don't you just need to get some sometimes?
Girl: Saturday sound good?

WIn! :biggrin:
 
  • #27
It's entirely possible that she feels the same way about you and is also afraid to speak up. Why don't you just try being direct, and asking her, "Have you ever thought we could be more than just friends?" If she laughs at you like you're joking, laugh with her and move on. If she agrees, you win. What better way to start a relationship than with someone you consider your best friend? That's already 90% of the process!
 
  • #28
Moonbear said:
It's entirely possible that she feels the same way about you and is also afraid to speak up. Why don't you just try being direct, and asking her, "Have you ever thought we could be more than just friends?" If she laughs at you like you're joking, laugh with her and move on. If she agrees, you win. What better way to start a relationship than with someone you consider your best friend? That's already 90% of the process!

No! This will not work. Don't do it! It's a trap!

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/its-a-trap.jpg [Broken]
 
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  • #29
Wax said:
I
WoW man...don't listen to these people! .

Wax said:
No...

Wax said:
NO man!

Wax said:
No! This will not work. Don't do it! It's a trap!

Seems like you are quite an expert in his field :rofl:
 
  • #30
Moonbear said:
It's entirely possible that she feels the same way about you and is also afraid to speak up. Why don't you just try being direct, and asking her, "Have you ever thought we could be more than just friends?" If she laughs at you like you're joking, laugh with her and move on. If she agrees, you win. What better way to start a relationship than with someone you consider your best friend? That's already 90% of the process!
True. I was more passive about this during college, since I had already been targeted and "glommed-on" a couple of times during HS and I was wary. The "girlfriends" came from outside of my close group of friends, and they had intentions that generally flew under my radar. One of them had bragged to her friends that her parents were going to put her through a 2-year nursing program and that she and I would get married and she would work to help put me through a graduate engineering program. She had never been open with me about this scheme, and the "plan" seemed pretty creepy when I heard about it from others.
 
  • #31
rootX said:
Seems like you are quite an expert in his field :rofl:

Heh.. that was pretty funny. :tongue:
 
  • #32
Do you ever get girls yourself? If not, I doubt it will happen.

I'm not sure how you get in such a position.
 
  • #33
JasonRox said:
Do you ever get girls yourself? If not, I doubt it will happen.

I'm not sure how you get in such a position.

Who me? I get plenty of women! It's an amateur move when you straight out say, "I love you" when you're not even in a relationship. It can sometimes be viewed as creepy.
 
  • #34
Wax said:
Who me? I get plenty of women! It's an amateur move when you straight out say, "I love you" when you're not even in a relationship. It can sometimes be viewed as creepy.

Talking to the OP.
 
  • #35
Wax said:
No! This will not work. Don't do it! It's a trap!

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/its-a-trap.jpg [Broken]
[/URL]

Only a trap if you think that being in a good relationship is a trap. The happiest couples I know started out as friends, and then somehow shifted into dating then marriage. I agree with Greg that it's a total myth that there's some sort of "friendship zone" that tosses you out of the eligible dating pool. If anything, I think it gives you a better chance if you get up the nerve to ask. If you need a boost of courage, maybe it's time to watch "When Harry Met Sally." :wink:
 
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<h2>1. Can I turn a friend into a girlfriend?</h2><p>Yes, it is possible to turn a friend into a girlfriend. However, it is important to consider the dynamics of your relationship and whether both parties are interested in taking it to the next level before making any moves.</p><h2>2. How do I know if my friend is interested in being more than friends?</h2><p>Look for signs such as flirtatious behavior, prolonged eye contact, and physical touch. Also, pay attention to how they talk about relationships and if they have ever hinted at being interested in you romantically.</p><h2>3. Is it a good idea to risk the friendship by trying to turn it into a romantic relationship?</h2><p>It depends on the individuals involved and the strength of their friendship. If you both have strong feelings for each other and are willing to communicate openly and work through any potential challenges, it can be a successful and fulfilling relationship.</p><h2>4. How can I make the transition from friends to dating smoother?</h2><p>Be honest and open with your feelings and intentions. Communicate openly and listen to each other's perspectives. Also, make sure to set boundaries and take things slow to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.</p><h2>5. What should I do if my friend doesn't feel the same way?</h2><p>Respect their feelings and the boundaries they have set. It may be difficult, but try to maintain the friendship and avoid pressuring them into a romantic relationship. Remember that a true friend will support and care for you, regardless of the nature of your relationship.</p>

1. Can I turn a friend into a girlfriend?

Yes, it is possible to turn a friend into a girlfriend. However, it is important to consider the dynamics of your relationship and whether both parties are interested in taking it to the next level before making any moves.

2. How do I know if my friend is interested in being more than friends?

Look for signs such as flirtatious behavior, prolonged eye contact, and physical touch. Also, pay attention to how they talk about relationships and if they have ever hinted at being interested in you romantically.

3. Is it a good idea to risk the friendship by trying to turn it into a romantic relationship?

It depends on the individuals involved and the strength of their friendship. If you both have strong feelings for each other and are willing to communicate openly and work through any potential challenges, it can be a successful and fulfilling relationship.

4. How can I make the transition from friends to dating smoother?

Be honest and open with your feelings and intentions. Communicate openly and listen to each other's perspectives. Also, make sure to set boundaries and take things slow to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.

5. What should I do if my friend doesn't feel the same way?

Respect their feelings and the boundaries they have set. It may be difficult, but try to maintain the friendship and avoid pressuring them into a romantic relationship. Remember that a true friend will support and care for you, regardless of the nature of your relationship.

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