Science Humor: A Wide Selection

In summary: This is because the light is being pushed down by the water. The dark is occupying more space and is therefore heavier.
  • #71
36 squared? The sum of (x + y + z) squared, of course.

I remember a story my dad used to tell at parties about a salesman and a mathematician riding next to each other on a train.

They passed a stockyard filled with cattle and the salesman exclaimed, “Wow, I’ve never seen so many cows in all my life! There must be thousands in that stockyard!”.

The mathematician turns to him and says, “Actually, there’s 7,458 cows in that stockyard.”

“How’d you count all of those cows, so fast?”, the salesman asked.

“Easy, I counted their legs and divided by 4”, replied the mathematician.

My dad was a little hard to read, since he always had such a serious look on his face no matter what, so people would look at him a little uncertain for a second, and finally reply, “Oh, that’s clever.” I guess that works whether he’s showing them a clever method of counting cows or telling them a really joke.

Well, me, I’m a just a kid, at the time. If the adults at the party can’t tell if he’s serious or joking, how am I supposed to tell. I had a tendency to repeat things like that around the neighborhood thinking I was showing off how smart I was. Which other kids in the neighborhood were quick sense was total rubbish.

And, hence the great cow counting challenge was staged. Unfortunately, we lived in the city. The only cow in the neighborhood was the picture of Elsie on the billboard outside the Borden dairy plant. No matter.

The smart-aleck girl from next door and I met (with the proper witnesses) down by the billboard ready to settle the best way of counting cows.

The kind of cute (in an intellectual sort of way) girl with the glasses from down the street yelled, “Go!”

Almost instantly, both of us contestants finished counting Elsie, with the smart aleck girl screaming “One!” just a thousandth of a second after I shouted “Zero!”

You see, the billboard only showed Elsie’s head, so there were no legs to count. And I ask you, who was closest to the right answer? What’s the purpose of a cow if not to give beef or milk and how can you get a steak from just a cow’s head. And how are you going to get milk from Elsie's head? Tell her jokes til milk comes out her nose? I’m thinking that’s going to take awhile, especially if all’s you know are math jokes.
 
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  • #72
Two physicists are flying in their hot air balloon and get lost. They drift low to the ground and see a man. One shouts out, "Where are we?" to which the man on the ground responds, "You're in a balloon."

The other physicist then asks, "Are you a mathematician?", to which the man on the ground answrs "Yes."

As they float off, the first physicist asks, "How did you know he was a mathematician?". The other responds, "Well, he was completely accurate, and completely useless."

Njorl
 
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  • #73
Physics songs anyone?
http://www.dctech.com/physics/humor/songs.php#solong
The first song is by Feyman!

Other jokes from: http://www.physlink.com/Fun/Jokes.cfm

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

To get to the same side. (credit: Tom Gregg)


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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads. (credit: Muhammad Ahmed)


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A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'


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Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says 'I'll have what he's having.' (credit: Jeff Nastasi)


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Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.'


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Renee Descartes walks into a bar, the bartender says 'sir can I get you a martini 'Descartes says 'I don't think...' and he disappears (credit: OCROWLEY101)


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Where does bad light end up? Answer: In a prism! (credit: Gary Lisica)


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Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg says 'No, but I know where I am.'


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W hy did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.


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There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'
 
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  • #74
A science graduate asks: "Why does it work?"

An engineering graduate asks: "How does it work?"

An accounting graduate asks: "How much does it cost?"

An arts graduate asks: "Do you want fries with that?"
 
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  • #75
A hardware guy, a software guy and a sales rep of a big computer company are driving to a meeting, when the car suddenly stops. The software guy suggests that they shut down and restart, 'cause that usually fixes the problem. The hardware guy suggests they swap drivers. The sales rep decides that it's time to buy a new car.

A passing Linux programmer see the trouble and smashes all the glass in the car with his baseball bat. Before the stunned passengers can react he asks the driver to try starting the car again. The car starts up just fine this time.

Moral : "Just get rid of Windows, and you'll be okay"
 
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  • #76
There is a computer engineer, a psychologist and a genetic engineer in a room arguing about which occupation came first. The genetic engineer says 'I must have come first because God took a rib from Adam and made Eve and that takes genetics so God was a genetic engineer and I, therfore, came first'. The psychologist says 'No you are wrong. I came first because God took the world from chaos to peace and so God was a psychologist and so I came first'. The computer engineer just sits back smug with a grin on his face. 'Ahhh yes', he says,' Good points. But where go you think the chaos came from!'

The Bob (2004 ©)
 
  • #77
There is a class room full of Alkali Metal ions being taught chemistry. Then outside the window a group of Halogen ions appear. The Alkali Metal ions go mad and bounce of the walls and the window. The teachers comment is 'Perhaps one of you gentlemen would mind telling me just what it is outside the window that you find so attractive...?'

There should be a picture here as well.

Took me ages to stop laughing after seeing it. I had only just learned about ionic bonding when I found it.

The Bob (2004 ©)
 

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  • #78
Quick limerick for you:

There once was a lady called bright,
Who's speed was faster than light,
She left one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

Got it from a program on BBC 1 about Stephen Hawking. The actor said it was by Elly Merich.

The Bob (2004 ©)
 
  • #79
Question posed to a biologist:
What is the evolutionary advantage in having knees that bend forward instead of backwards…i.e. why don’t our knees bend the other way?
Answer:
“Bipedal animals that had backward-bending knees could only run backwards and they kept bumping into trees. That's why they became extinct.”
 
  • #80
Not a science joke but nevertheless, here goes :

How do we know that Jesus was not born in the US ?











No one's been able to find 3 wise men, or a virgin !
 
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  • #81
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline

and asked what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him:

"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who

will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled, "This is great!

"Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.

"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
 
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  • #82
If it's NOT one thing, it's another

Your protein has NOT denaturated,
it is simply structurally ambivalent.
Your DNA has NOT degraded,
it is entropically exhuberant.
Your enzyme is NOT aggregated,
it is monomerically challenged.
Your peptide has NOT precipitated on the column,
it is merely elution reticent.
Your column resin is NOT compacting,
it is being spatially frugal.
Your BamHI does NOT have star activity,
it is simply expressing its individuality.
Your PCR products are NOT all mutant,
they are just indulging in unscheduled evolution.
Your tissue culture is NOT contaminated,
it is simply sharing living quarters.
Your computer has NOT crashed,
it is merely being introspective.
 
  • #83
Going back to the ole Y2K computer fiasco...

When the IT department met with management and foretold of imminent disaster with the Y2K roll over, management instructed IT to handle the situation in the same manner as was the Y1K problem.
 
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  • #84
On a solid red bumper sticker: If this sticker is blue, you're driving too fast.
 
  • #85
My favorite math teacher was once asked to give answers to his exercises, because people found them too difficult. He replied :
"Math is like love. You cannot make it by procuration"
 
  • #86
humanino said:
My favorite math teacher was once asked to give answers to his exercises, because people found them too difficult. He replied :
"Math is like love. You cannot make it by procuration"

John Smith did.

Well, at least he tried. I guess Pocahontas wasn't too impressed by the whole thing, though.
 
  • #87
Thanks BobG ! My teacher did not seem to pretend it was his own.
 
  • #88
Since I saw Linux lover on this forum, I suppose some of you even use vi ! vi rules !

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After reading about a poor wretch who had become addicted to vi, I was inspired to compose the following ditty, sung to the tune of "Addicted To Love" by Robert Palmer.

As you sing this, it may help the effect to imagine a dozen women, all of whom resemble Bill Joy, dressed in black and dancing sinuously.

Addicted To Vi (with apologies to Robert Palmer)

You press the keys with no effect,
Your mode is not correct.
The screen blurs, your fingers shake;
You forgot to press escape.
Can't insert, can't delete,
Cursor keys won't repeat.
You try to quit, but can't leave,
An extra "bang" is all you need.

You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"-- Oh yeah? You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die You know you're going to have to face it; You're addicted to vi!

You edit files one at a time; That doesn't seem too out of line? You don't think of keys to bind-- A meta key would blow your mind. H, J, K, L? You're not annoyed? Expressions must be a Joy! Just press "f," or is it "t"? Maybe "n," or just "g"?

Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"-- Oh yeah? You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die You know you're going to have to face it; You're addicted to vi!

Might as well face it, You're addicted to vi!

You press the keys without effect, Your life is now a wreck. What a waste! Such a shame! And all you have is vi to blame.

Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"-- Oh yeah? You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die You know you're going to have to face it; You're addicted to vi!

Might as well face it, You're addicted to vi!


Copyright 1989, by Chuck Musciano.
 
  • #89
Count the number of yeses, subtract from 60, and divide by 0.6.

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The Basics

1) Have you ever been excited about math?
2) Had an exciting dream about math?
3) Made a mathematical calculation?
4) Manipulated the numerator of an equation?
5) Manipulated the denominator of an equation?
6) On your first problem set?
7) Worked on a problem set past 3:00 a.m.?
8) Worked on a problem set all night?
9) Had a hard problem?
10) Worked on a problem continuously for more than 30 minutes?
11) Worked on a problem continuously for more than four hours?
12) Done more than one problem set on the same night (i.e. both
started and finished them)?
13) Done more than three problem sets on the same night?
14) Taken a math course for a full year?
15) Taken two different math courses at the same time?
16) Done at least one problem set a week for more than four months?
17) Done at least one problem set a night for more than one month
(weekends excluded)?
18) Done a problem set alone?
19) Done a problem set in a group of three or more?
20) Done a problem set in a group of 15 or more?
21) Was it mixed company?
22) Have you ever inadvertently walked in upon people doing
a problem set?
23) And joined in afterwards?
24) Have you ever used food doing a problem set?
25) Did you eat it all?
26) Have you ever had a domesticated pet or animal walk over
you while you were doing a problem set?
27) Done a problem set in a public place where you might be discovered?
28) Been discovered while doing a problem set?

Kinky Stuff

29) Have you ever applied your math to a hard science?
30) Applied your math to a soft science?
31) Done an integration by parts?
32) Done two integration by parts in a single problem?
33) Bounded the domain and range of your function?
34) Used the domination test for improper integrals?
35) Done Newton's Method?
36) Done the Method of Frobenius?
37) Used the Sandwich Theorem?
38) Used the Mean Value Theorem?
39) Used a Gaussian surface?
40) Used a foreign object on a math problem (eg: calculator)?
41) Used a program to improve your mathematical technique (eg: MACSYMA)?
42) Not used brackets when you should have?
43) Integrated a function over its full period?
44) Done a calculation in three-dimensional space?
45) Done a calculation in n-dimensional space?
46) Done a change of bases?
47) Done a change of bases specifically in order to magnify your vector?
48) Worked through four complete bases in a single night (eg: using the Gram-Schmidt method)?
49) Inserted a number into an equation?
50) Calculated the residue of a pole?
51) Scored perfectly on a math test?
52) Swallowed everything your professor gave you?
53) Used explicit notation in your problem set?
54) Purposefully omitted important steps in your problem set?
55) Padded your own problem set?
56) Been blown away on a test?
57) Blown away your professor on a test?
58) Have you ever multiplied 23 by 3?
59) Have you ever bounded your Bessel function so that the membrane did not shoot to infinity?

69) Have you ever understood the following quote: "The relationship between Z^0 to C_0, B_0, and H_0 is an example of a general principle which we have encountered: the kernel of the adjoint of a linear transformation is both the annihilator space of the image of the transformation and also the dual space of the quotient of the space of which the image is a subspace by the image subspace." (Shlomo & Bamberg's A "Course" in Mathematics for Students of Physics)
 
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  • #90
Wanted

$10,000 reward.

Schroedinger's Cat.

Dead or Alive
 
  • #91
Who does Schrödinger call when his car breaks down?

A Quantum Mechanic
 
  • #92
this is long. But then it's better

Algebraists do it by symbolic manipulation.
Algebraic geometers do it for variety.
Algebraic geometers do it on the cubic three-fold.
Algebraists do it in a ring.
Algebraists do it in fields.
Algebraists do it in groups.
Algebraists do it with multiple roots.
Analysts do it continuously.
Analysts do it smoothly.
Analytic number theorists do it in the critical strip.
Analytic number theorists do it on the critical line.
Applied mathematicians do it by computer simulation.
Banach spacers do it completely.
Bayesians do it with improper priors.
Catastrophe theorists do it falling off part of a sheet.
Chaoticians do it with sensitive dependence
Class field theorists do it by capitulation.
Classical geometers do it on the Euler line.
Classical geometers do it on the nine-point circle.
Combinatorialists do it discretely.
Commutative algebraists do it regularly.
Complex analysts do it between the sheets
Complex analysts do it under a universal cover.
Constructivists do it without excluding the middle.
Decision theorists do it optimally.
Differential analysts do it in a degenerate case.
Functional analysts do it with compact support.
Functional analysts do it with degenerate colonels.
Galois theorists do it in a field.
Game theorists do it by dominance or saddle points.
Geometers do it with involutions.
Graph theorists do it discretely.
Graph theorists do it in four colours.
Group theorists do it simply.
Group theorists do it with the Monster.
Hilbert spacers do it orthogonally.
Large cardinals do it inaccessibly.
Linear programmers do it with nearest neighbors.
Logicians do it by choice.
Logicians do it consistently and completely.
Logicians do it incompletely or inconsistently.
Logicians do it with Jensen's device.
(Logicians do it) or [not (logicians do it)].
Mathematicians do it associatively.
Mathematicians do it by numbers.
Mathematicians do it commutatively.
Mathematicians do it constantly.
Mathematicians do it continuously.
Mathematicians do it discretely.
Mathematicians do it exponentially.
Mathematicians do it forever if they can do one and can do one more.
Mathematicians do it functionally.
Mathematicians do it homologically.
Mathematicians do it in fields.
Mathematicians do it in groups.
Mathematicians do it in imaginary planes.
Mathematicians do it in n dimensions.
Mathematicians do it in numbers.
Mathematicians do it in theory.
Mathematicians do it on smooth contours.
Mathematicians do it over and under the curves.
Mathematicians do it parallel and perpendicular.
Mathematicians do it partially.
Mathematicians do it rationally.
Mathematicians do it reflexively.
Mathematicians do it symmetrically.
Mathematicians do it to prove themselves.
Mathematicians do it to their limits.
Mathematicians do it totally.
Mathematicians do it transcendentally.
Mathematicians do it transitively.
Mathematicians do it variably.
Mathematicians do it with a Minkowski sausage.
Mathematicians do it with imaginary parts.
Mathematicians do it with linear pairs.
Mathematicians do it with Nobel's wife.
Mathematicians do it with odd functions.
Mathematicians do it with prime roots.
Mathematicians do it with relations.
Mathematicians do it with rings.
Mathematicians do it with their real parts.
Mathematicians do it without limit.
Mathematicians do over an open unmeasurable interval.
Mathematicians have to prove they did it.
Mathematicians do it ad infinitum.
Mathematicians do it at the right angle.
Measure theorists do it almost everywhere.
Measure theorists do it almost nowhere.
Moebius always does it on the same side.
Number theorists do it perfectly.
Number theorists do it rationally.
Number theorists do it in the critical strip.
Pure mathematicians do it rigorously.
Real analysts do it almost everywhere
Real analysts do it uniformly.
Ring theorists do it non-commutatively.
Set theorists do it in a morass.
Set theorists do it with cardinals.
Topologists do it in multiply connected domains
Topologists do it on rubber sheets.
Topos theorists do it pointlessly.
Mathematicians do it with primality.
MATHEMATICIANS do it as a finite sum of an infinite series
MATHEMATICIANS do it as continuous function
MATHEMATICIANS do it in imaginary domain
MATHEMATICIANS do it with formulæ
MATHEMATICIANS prove they did it
MATHEMATICIANS take it to the limit

credit : Chris Morton collected those
 
  • #93
A proton walks into a bar. It drifts slowly over to the bartender and says "Hey, I'm a proton!"

The incredulous bartender looks up and asks "Are you sure?"

"Yes," replies the proton, "I'm positive!"
 
  • #94
Teacher is teaching a calculus class and demonstrates by giving an example:
[tex]lim_{x\rightarrow 8}
\frac{1}{x-8}=\infty
[/tex]

Tells johny to do this
[tex]lim_{x\rightarrow 5}
\frac{1}{x-5}=?[/tex]

Johny writes |_|-|(5 inverted by 90 degrees)
 
  • #95
a nuetron goes shopping ,when he is about to pay the bill,shopkeeper refuses and says 'for you no charge'
 
  • #96
Think there's a reason I don't get any of these?
 
  • #97
Smurf : You are not a geek ?
Poolwin : the inverted 5 is hilarious !
 
  • #98
The rotated 5 was one that confused me the most
 
  • #99
Smurf said:
The rotated 5 was one that confused me the most

Well the eight has been rotated to make the infinitie sign, therefore a 5 rotated is |_|-|. See?

The Bob (2004 ©)

P.S. Very funny. :rofl:
 
  • #100
right. Someone explain the |_|-|
No really, what is it?
 
  • #101
It is supposed to represent a rotated 5, which has not (yet !) any asigned meaning in math.

If [tex]x[/tex] is arbitrarily close to [tex]8[/tex], then [tex]x-8[/tex] is arbitrarily close to zero, and [tex]\frac{1}{x-8}[/tex] is arbitrarily large, that is [tex]\frac{1}{x-8}[/tex] goes to ininity, which is represented by [tex]\infty [/tex]. Apparently the guy did not know what [tex]\infty [/tex] meant, so he interpreted the sign as a rotated eight. Naturally for him then [tex]\frac{1}{x-5}[/tex] must go to rotated [tex]5[/tex] when [tex]x[/tex] is arbitrarily close to five. As you can see of course, the answer was the same : [tex]\frac{1}{x-5}[/tex] must go to [tex]\infty [/tex] too when [tex]x[/tex] is close to five...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.
 
  • #102
Right. I see it now. Not laughing but at least it makes sense.
=p
 
  • #103
The physicists and engineers at MIT faced off in a football game.

It was nearing the end of the 4th quarter and no one had scored. When a local factory whistle blew, the physicists assumed this was the game whistle; that the length of the game was only approximate, and in spite of the clock, the game was over. They left the field. The engineers executed the next seven plays perfectly but still had to settle with a field goal to win.
 
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  • #104
A physicist is walking in the street, hungry. He sees a bakery sign in a window, so gets in the shop, owned by a mathematician and asks for bread. The mathematician replies : "But we just sell signs" :tongue2:

I think it was from Zee's Nutshell
 
  • #105
Every now and then, I use vi. :redface:

Don't laugh ! :mad: That wasn't a joke ! :grumpy:
 
<h2>1. What is science humor?</h2><p>Science humor is a type of comedy that uses scientific concepts, theories, and principles to create jokes and make people laugh.</p><h2>2. Why is science humor important?</h2><p>Science humor can make complex and sometimes intimidating subjects more approachable and enjoyable. It can also help scientists and non-scientists alike to see the lighter side of science and appreciate its role in our lives.</p><h2>3. What makes science humor funny?</h2><p>Science humor often uses wordplay, puns, and references to scientific concepts or experiments to create jokes. It can also poke fun at the stereotypes and quirks of scientists and their work.</p><h2>4. Are there different types of science humor?</h2><p>Yes, there are many different types of science humor, including jokes, memes, cartoons, and parodies. Some may be more visual, while others rely on clever wordplay. There are also different subcategories, such as biology humor, physics humor, and chemistry humor.</p><h2>5. Can anyone appreciate science humor?</h2><p>Yes, anyone can appreciate science humor, regardless of their level of scientific knowledge. While some jokes may require a basic understanding of scientific concepts, many are relatable and funny to a wide audience.</p>

1. What is science humor?

Science humor is a type of comedy that uses scientific concepts, theories, and principles to create jokes and make people laugh.

2. Why is science humor important?

Science humor can make complex and sometimes intimidating subjects more approachable and enjoyable. It can also help scientists and non-scientists alike to see the lighter side of science and appreciate its role in our lives.

3. What makes science humor funny?

Science humor often uses wordplay, puns, and references to scientific concepts or experiments to create jokes. It can also poke fun at the stereotypes and quirks of scientists and their work.

4. Are there different types of science humor?

Yes, there are many different types of science humor, including jokes, memes, cartoons, and parodies. Some may be more visual, while others rely on clever wordplay. There are also different subcategories, such as biology humor, physics humor, and chemistry humor.

5. Can anyone appreciate science humor?

Yes, anyone can appreciate science humor, regardless of their level of scientific knowledge. While some jokes may require a basic understanding of scientific concepts, many are relatable and funny to a wide audience.

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