Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

You could sell a reliable cure for cancer for the same money people pay for a lifetime supply of cancer drugs today. And you would gain an instant monopoly.

Any ideas? (What do you have in mind? LEM protein? / cf. ImmunarT Ltd. for monopoly)

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

But I think Scottish English is just a dialect, although a fairly well developed one.

Try finding "Edenborrow" on a map of Scotland. ;)

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

not sure I like the word exactly in this context, but ohh well

 

[Ibix]

Better: What do you call a snake that coils into a circle exactly 1m in diameter?

Of course, that's a metric πthon. Imperial πthons would also be possible.

 

[nuuskur]

Better: What do you call a snake that coils into a circle exactly 1m in diameter?

Of course, that's a metric πthon. Imperial πthons would also be possible.

Offtopic:
What about rebel $\pi$thons?

 

[Ibix]

Offtopic:
What about rebel $\pi$thons?

They coil into circles exactly 1m in diameter and 3m in circumference.

 

[sophiecentaur]

So any python could become a πthon - just by coiling itself into an exact circle.π

 

[Ibix]

Indeed. I believe we stand here on the cusp of a completely new system of reptile-based measurement. I'll post a paper on vixra shortly.

 

[fresh_42]

Indeed. I believe we stand here on the cusp of a completely new system of reptile-based measurement. I'll post a paper on vixra shortly.

Don't forget to mention this imaginary guy:

 

[mfb]

They coil into circles exactly 1m in diameter and 3m in circumference.

The rebel planet must be really small then. Just 12 meters circumference.

 

[Ibix]

The rebel planet must be really small then. Just 12 meters circumference.

It took me longer than it should to get that one.

 

[Ibix]

Don't forget to mention this imaginary guy:

On a side note, how does anything ever eat a chameleon? The photographer did all of the work for me here. The only thing they could have done to make the animal more obvious would be to trace the outline with a magic marker. And I still have trouble picking it out of the background...

 

[dkotschessaa]

On a side note, how does anything ever eat a chameleon? The photographer did all of the work for me here. The only thing they could have done to make the animal more obvious would be to trace the outline with a magic marker. And I still have trouble picking it out of the background...

Probably just eats the leaves and hopes it gets lucky...

 

[nikkkom]

On a side note, how does anything ever eat a chameleon? The photographer did all of the work for me here. The only thing they could have done to make the animal more obvious would be to trace the outline with a magic marker. And I still have trouble picking it out of the background...

Ha. Try to find a frog in this pic.

 

[sophiecentaur]

It's standing to the left of the rhinoceros. You can recognise the frog as it has a carnation in its buttonhole.

 

[Ibix]

Ha. Try to find a frog in this pic.

The only thing I can see that looks vaguely frog-like is about two thirds of the way across amd a third down. A small orange triangular region just above the right hand end of the large grey-brown leaf oriented top-left/bottom-right.

Rejected response: Do not try to find the frog; that's impossible. Instead remember only the truth: there is no frog.

 

[fresh_42]

I asked my son to hand me the newspaper. He said I should get used to modern times and handed me the iPad. So what, the fly is dead now.

 

[jtbell]

From an advertisement in the program book for the concert that I attended yesterday:

Please stay awake during the symphony, there will be time to rest later. (And we've got just the place.)
—Lake View Cemetery

 

[nikkkom]

The only thing I can see that looks vaguely frog-like is about two thirds of the way across amd a third down. A small orange triangular region just above the right hand end of the large grey-brown leaf oriented top-left/bottom-right.

Hmmm... can you attach an edited photo where you circle it? (BTW, yes, there is a frog in the photo, I'm not messing with you guys).

 

[davenn]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Dedicated for those who are afraid to watch it until the end ...


P.S. It's not what you may think! Give it a try. It's funny ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I asked my son to hand me the newspaper. He said I should get used to modern times and handed me the iPad. So what, the fly is dead now.

Is the iPad still "alive"?

 

[Ibix]

Hmmm... can you attach an edited photo where you circle it?

Spoiler

(BTW, yes, there is a frog in the photo,

I believe you.

I'm not messing with you guys).

I dispute this.

 

[nikkkom]

Spoiler

View attachment 203910

Er... not exactly... Here it is:

Spoiler

 

[davenn]

Grammar is important

I don't think I have ever met a disabled elderly pregnant child before ?

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Grammar is important

Syntax actually. Commas would have saved it!

I don't think I have ever met a disabled elderly pregnant child before ?

... and doing shopping

 

[davenn]

Haha

 

[OmCheeto]

A mechanic was working late one night when a man walked into his shop. "Can you help me?" the man asked. "I think I am a moth."

The mechanic replied, "I am a mechanic. You need a psychiatrist."

"Yes, I know," replied the man.

"Then why did you come here?"

"Your light was on."​

Courtesy of Car Talk

 

[DrGreg]

Better: What do you call a snake that coils into a circle exactly 1m in diameter?.

A snake coiled into a spiral inside pastry would be a piethon. (Add kidneys to get snake and kidney pie.)

 

[DaveC426913]

Feed it a toddler and you'd have Snake and Kiddie Pie.

 

[fresh_42]

Doc: Are you doing any extreme sports?
Me: From time to time I answer back my wife.

 

[Ibix]

Er... not exactly... Here it is:

It's facing to the right? I can just about see legs on the left hand side. I think.

 

[fresh_42]

Er... not exactly... Here it is:

Spoiler

View attachment 203916

It's facing to the right? I can just about see legs on the left hand side. I think.

Italian agile frog?