Have You Ever Talked to an Attractive Woman?

In summary, if you're having girl problems, what's stopping you? Is it anything more than nerves/low self-esteem? If you're confident and relaxed, you're just a normal guy, talking to a normal girl.
  • #1
wasteofo2
478
2
Hey,

Looking through this forum, it seems that many guys here are asking questions from a relatively lost, helpless perspective. They seem afraid to talk to girls, unsure of how to meet them and without the confidence to think that these women might be attracted to them.

The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

Corollary: if you're having girl problems, what's stopping you? Is it anything more than nerves/low self-esteem?
 
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  • #2


Yes - quite often if I'm not in a hurry to get somewhere.

Actually, I talk to anyone if the opportunity arises. :biggrin: People are just interesting.

And I've had attractive women walk up to me and start a conversation. Once a really gorgeous young lady walked up to me while I was sitting with my father outside the main trainstation in Bruxelles. Unfortunately I didn't speak French well enough to help her. And I just could not abandon my dad.

Another time, a very attractive woman approached on a bridge near the Louvre in Paris. She was wondering which way to the ocean, i.e., which way the Seine was flowing. I was with a colleague, so I couldn't just take off.
 
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  • #3


wasteofo2 said:
Hey,
The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

I've done this and each time has been a catastrophic failure
 
  • #4


wasteofo2 said:
The question: who has ever walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation from nothing?

Nope. Unless you're Brad Pitt, that's suicide. You have to make them come to you. Otherwise they will automatically default to the status-quo and think you're a creeper.
 
  • #5


that is absolutely not true - women expect men to talk to the first - not all times, but some of the time. It is all about how and when you do it. The best way to approach a women is when she is on her own - clearly not in a dark alley or the creeper vibe would ring true. Also just be normal, blunt and brief. "Hi I'm Brad, I just noticed you and wanted to come over and say hi." You can tell in about 5 seconds if she is keen or not. If she is not - what do you care it wasted 10 seconds of your life and you move on. She just doesn't dig you - doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or her. You, yourself passed over a dozen girls before you spotted one you wanted to talk to right? Same thing
 
  • #6


Topher925 said:
Nope. Unless you're Brad Pitt, that's suicide. You have to make them come to you. Otherwise they will automatically default to the status-quo and think you're a creeper.

Not true. Her impression of you as a creep is based on your behavior.

If you stare at her across a room for 25 minutes before you walk up to her, that's creepy.

If you simply walk up to her, you're just someone who has something to say.

If you walk up to her and tell her you're in love with her, that she is beautiful, that she has stolen your heart, that's creepy.

If you give her a small, casual compliment, like ''Hey, that a funky scarf, I like it,'' she'll smile and say thanks.

If you're stammering and sweating and averting eye-contact when you're talking to her, that's creepy.

If you're confident and relaxed, you're just a normal guy, talking to a normal girl.
 
  • #7


Astronuc said:
Yes - quite often if I'm not in a hurry to get somewhere.

Actually, I talk to anyone if the opportunity arises. :biggrin: People are just interesting.

And I've had attractive women walk up to me and start a conversation. Once a really gorgeous young lady walked up to me while I was sitting with my father outside the main trainstation in Bruxelles. Unfortunately I didn't speak French well enough to help her. And I just could abandon my dad.

Another time, a very attractive woman approached on a bridge near the Louvre in Paris. She was wondering which way to the ocean, i.e., which way the Seine was flowing. I was with a colleague, so I couldn't just take off.

This is the right attitude. I start conversation with anyone, I don't care how they look. Astronuc, the same happened to me in Monaco. I was at a museum and a beautiful black hair, blue eyes girl comes to me and says something in french, unfortunately I had no idea what she said. Oh well, there are always more where she came from :wink:.

Topher925 said:
Nope. Unless you're Brad Pitt, that's suicide. You have to make them come to you. Otherwise they will automatically default to the status-quo and think you're a creeper.

This is the wrong attitude. IF you think you are a creeper, she'll think you are creeper. Of course, if you approach someone regardless if its an attractive female or not, and you are just stammering or don't have anything to contribute (no conversation topic) or are just complimenting her a tad too much, it definitely will make her feel uncomfortable.

Generally, conversations are context-specific. Sometimes, I talk about the place (its history, look, etc...), or talk about life or whatever, really. It depends on the "open window", you get, and just take that opportunity.

Sometimes, yes, the girl might just ignore you or just walk away, but that only shows her lack of manners.

In the end, BE CONFIDENT. Don't be afraid to be YOU, nobody else can be YOU except YOU.
 
  • #8


I've seen Cyclovenom's friends. Que linda!

I also met a couple of nice young ladies in Toledo, Spain. I would have liked to accept their invitation to join them, but I was with a colleague and working - as well as being married.

I loved Toledo and Salamanca and Avila, and there are many more places I'd like to visit.
 
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  • #9


Yes. Well, not from nothing, the whole universe existed up to that point, I think.
 
  • #10


i've always wanted to talk to women but never feel like they want to talk to me because of what field I'm involved in (that is, physics). most women that i met think I'm a nerd (i'm 17 and I'm a sophmore in university) and i never seem to attract them. I've been going to the gym for 3 years now so its not like I'm a skinny bastard, and I've been living a healthy lifestyle, you could say balanced, between my studies and sports. but for some reason i have never had any good luck with any woman in my life.
 
  • #11


physeven said:
... but never feel like they want to talk to me ...



That's your problem right there.
 
  • #12


you should realize that some women are just waiting for you to initiate a conversation. if you find they actually are not, move on. don't fear being shot down, it happens a lot. And some girls have said that it helps to invite them to dinner. If that is too one on one at first, an enjoyable group event that does not require clever repartee may be good, like a ball game. If you have fun together, it tends to warrant repetition.
 
  • #13


life's too short to worry about what one girl... or 100 girls would possibly think of you, man up grow a pair and find out for yourself what they think of you
everything to gain, nothing to lose, since at the end of the day, your hand isn't going anywhere...

its all about being relaxed and to strike up a conversation like it was meant to happen one way or another
 
  • #14


physeven said:
i've always wanted to talk to women but never feel like they want to talk to me because of what field I'm involved in (that is, physics). most women that i met think I'm a nerd (i'm 17 and I'm a sophmore in university) and i never seem to attract them. I've been going to the gym for 3 years now so its not like I'm a skinny bastard, and I've been living a healthy lifestyle, you could say balanced, between my studies and sports. but for some reason i have never had any good luck with any woman in my life.

Well if all you talk about is physics, it makes sense people would view you as a nerd.

But you're very intelligent and accomplished, especially for your age, and accomplishments are a great characteristic in a man. The thing is, you have to know how to talk about things that engage people who aren't in your field.

Let me ask you a question: Do you feel at ease having a normal conversation - that doesn't focus on physics - with a guy your own age?

Because your situation is VERY interesting and unique, and could be a great asset to you, but only if you learn to engage people in conversations that they'll enjoy, even if they don't know about physics. That's not to say you can't talk about physics, but simply have to talk about it in a way that non-experts can understand and find enjoyable. Plenty of lamen watch the discovery channel, even though they don't study science, because the way it's presented is interesting.
 
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  • #15


Coming from a girl - confidence is an asset! It depends on where you are, though. If I'm in a hurry, I get annoyed. If I'm at the gym... I'm there to work out, don't hit on me. Back when I was in college, a lot of guys would sit next to me in class & start talking to me. It was a good way to start conversation and also gave us a common ground we shared already. I've been come up to in bars - don't do that, it makes you look sleazy, most guys in bars are there to meet a girl for the night. On the street? It can be incredibly flattering or incredibly creepy depending on what you say or factors that may have nothing to do with you!
 
  • #16


tracydimarco said:
On the street? It can be incredibly flattering or incredibly creepy depending on what you say or factors that may have nothing to do with you!

I think it's VERY important for guys to understand how to not seem creepy. Honestly, many good-natured men come off as ''creepy'' because they simply don't know how to talk to women.

Can you give us a girl's perspective on what is creepy and what isn't when a man approaches you on the street?

For instance, do you consider this creepy?

''Hey, I just noticed that your style is really unique, so I wanted to come up and say hi, my name is X"
 
  • #17


wasteofo2 said:
...
Let me ask you a question: Do you feel at ease having a normal conversation - that doesn't focus on physics - with a guy your own age?

Because your situation is VERY interesting and unique, and could be a great asset to you, but only if you learn to engage people in conversations that they'll enjoy, even if they don't know about physics. That's not to say you can't talk about physics, but simply have to talk about it in a way that non-experts can understand and find enjoyable. Plenty of lamen watch the discovery channel, even though they don't study science, because the way it's presented is interesting.

Good point. Some of my friends/family have little interest in science, but they're good people. Being able to participate in conversations about areas other than science is extremely valuable.
 
  • #18


wasteofo2 said:
''Hey, I just noticed that your style is really unique, so I wanted to come up and say hi, my name is X"

I find it's way better to use a "disarming" line. I used to be really good at this until I realized I don't even like most women I meet at bars (good to keep the sheets warm, that's about it) and loathe most women I meet at clubs (try dating sites... seriously... you're more likely to find a sweet girl that's too shy to meet lunkheads at bars).

In stead of "Hey, I just noticed something about you..." try something more like "Wow, did you see that fight outside?" or "Do you ever wonder why they would paint a nice place like this such a dark color?"

Granted it's hit-or-miss, it usually works. They will be taken aback by your confidence and spend time figuring out why on Earth you would start a conversation like that. Furthermore, she will be concerned that her answer sounds stupid or that you think she's stupid for not having an answer ready. You are very unlikely to be "rejected" in the same way that you might if you said something like "You look nice."

If you try: "You look nice." You'll get: "I'm here with my friends, sorry."
If you try: "Do you think really tall people are weird?" You'll get: "Uh, what? Yeah, I guess. I don't really think about that stuff."

Does it fail sometimes? Definitely. Does it work sometimes? Absolutely. Will women tell you that this is the dumbest idea they've ever heard? Without a doubt.

Just follow up by giving her a back-handed compliment: "You have gorgeous hair, you should think about growing it out." If she says or does anything that you consider "bad behavior" don't react. Simply show disinterest; let your eyes wander away. What you'll find is that most gorgeous women are insecure. By grabbing the upper hand in the conversation you ensure you're in the driver's seat. When you show disinterest it means that they will try to get it back (even if they don't care about you, they will want to feel desirable... women want to reject you, not be rejected).

When all is said and done... you could never use this method to meet a nice girl. But you could definitely use it to find a sheet-warmer.
 
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  • #19


wasteofo2 said:
''Hey, I just noticed that your style is really unique, so I wanted to come up and say hi, my name is X"

That's ok, although it sounds a bit weird if the girl is dressed "normally." I mean, us girls are WELL aware you can't notice personality across the room, so it is flattering that you find a girl attractive. Sometimes that already makes me feel a little bit more open - obviously we have the upper hand & aren't fearing rejection (maybe we wanted to say hi to you but were afraid too!). To be honest, start a conversation - ask a question. People (men and women) love talking about themselves. Ask her where she got her scarf - you'd love to get a similar one for your sister for Christmas - ask her what she's reading - and her if you can buy her coffee.
Actually, my current boyfriend did just that. I was just waiting in line at Starbucks, & he asked if he could buy my coffee - no strings attached, I didn't have to sit with him, he just felt like I looked like I was having a crappy morning (I was) & deserved some niceness. Obviously, I wanted to sit & chat with him after that. Thoughtfulness is always a good thing :)
 
  • #20


FlexGunship said:
"Wow, did you see that fight outside?"

I don't dig lots of mystery method stuff, it's so fake.

You don't need a made up fight to approach a girl, in the day or at a bar.

Though what I'd written was for daytime, not bars. God I don't even know what I say at bars, it's so much more about body language, eye contact and physicality. You can easily make out with a girl without knowing her name when you're dancing and alcohol is involved, I think all those lines and stuff just complicate things.
 
  • #21


tracydimarco said:
That's ok, although it sounds a bit weird if the girl is dressed "normally."
Yeah, of course you'd have to come up with something else if a girl is dressed normally. Honestly I start conversations about whatever, I don't usually use ''lines''. But for someone who doesn't know what to say, it can be useful.

tracydimarco said:
Actually, my current boyfriend did just that. I was just waiting in line at Starbucks, & he asked if he could buy my coffee - no strings attached, I didn't have to sit with him, he just felt like I looked like I was having a crappy morning (I was) & deserved some niceness. Obviously, I wanted to sit & chat with him after that. Thoughtfulness is always a good thing :)

That's interesting, though I have an aversion to offering girls free stuff to gain their attention/affection.
 
  • #22


wasteofo2 said:
I don't dig lots of mystery method stuff, it's so fake.

You don't need a made up fight to approach a girl, in the day or at a bar.

Though what I'd written was for daytime, not bars. God I don't even know what I say at bars, it's so much more about body language, eye contact and physicality. You can easily make out with a girl without knowing her name when you're dancing and alcohol is involved, I think all those lines and stuff just complicate things.

Girls know that one by now. I know a girl who had a guy come up to her at a bar and try that line. She just laughed at him.
 
  • #23


Galteeth said:
Girls know that one by now. I know a girl who had a guy come up to her at a bar and try that line. She just laughed at him.

Ha. I've seen guys use it and not get laughed at, but usually it doesn't work as a jumpoff for building attraction. The whole problem with ''lines'' is that they're used by guys who don't know what to say. So they memorize a few lines, go out there, and after a couple of sentences they're lost.

That's why getting good at conversation is way more useful than any routine or BS like that.
 
  • #24


Is it possible the "creepiness factor" of the come-on mostly depends on how attractive the woman finds the man? I think a hot guy can act any way he wants and the girl will use her social graces to save him from his own foot being in his mouth. On the other hand, if she's not attracted to you and you can make the best conversation, she'll talk with you and even like you but it will never materialize into attraction. Of course this gets more complicated when there's some attraction but the scale can tip one way or the other. Maybe this is too superficial (or cynical?) a perspective.
 
  • #25


i always try to talk to new people, and yeah, mostly to hot chicks

not that i can make it always

and i thought it had some kind of science (that's oour problem we think EVERYTHING has a science) but I've come to the conclusion that is just as simple as saying hi and then something random
 
  • #26


Have any of the guys following this thread thought about how they feel when a relatively unattractive, semi-attractive, or very attractive woman approaches them with the obvious primary reason that she finds you attractive? It might be flattering the first few times, but after that I would think it just gets annoying.
 
  • #27


brainstorm said:
Have any of the guys following this thread thought about how they feel when a relatively unattractive, semi-attractive, or very attractive woman approaches them with the obvious primary reason that she finds you attractive? It might be flattering the first few times, but after that I would think it just gets annoying.

For men, attraction is very much about looks. For women, a lot more factors come into play, and personality and confidence can go a long way making up for bad looks in a guy.

So if a series of unattractive girls approaches a man, yes he would easily get annoyed, cause he isn't attracted to them based purely on their looks.

But if an unattractive guy is confident, and a good conversationalist, a woman will give him much more attention than a man would give an equivalent woman. Unfair, but that's life.

In fact, I read a study saying that overweight women had less sex than the average woman, wheras overweight men had just as much sex as the average man.
 
  • #28


wasteofo2 said:
I don't dig lots of mystery method stuff, it's so fake.

Yeah, I was pretty clear in my post that it wasn't something you could use normally, and that wasn't a particularly good example. The core of my point was this:

Say something that will cause her to think about your statement as opposed to how to reject you.​

Bring value to the conversation. If you start off with "what's up?" you're putting the onus of conversation on her and implying that she's the one with something to share; no a good start.

If you're in public, just go for it. I am not kidding when I say just a couple of days ago I talked to a girl about her shows (which were Pumas, like mine) and then her argyle purse which matched my socks. The first thing I said was: "Hey, you have good taste in shoes." We talked for a bit. I gave her my number written on a piece of paper and told her to text me if she was interested. All it said was:

"I'm Shawn, and you're cute. XXX-XXX-XXXX"

She made the decision not to call or text me. That's fine. Normally I would've asked her for her number, but it was a short conversation.
 
  • #29


Unless you are some incredibly high-value guy, giving a girl your number almost never results in anything.

Why?

Girls often want to deny culpability for their actions.

Often you can lead a girl to do something she would never do on her own. One of those things is having a conversation with you on the street.

But imagine that girl's mindframe after that convo. Why would she call some guy just because of a conversation they had on the street? It seems ridiculous, obviously the guy is just trying to get into her pants.

But, if the guy calls her, well she's just picking up the phone. And if he invites her out for drinks, well she's not going to DO anything with him, just get a drink. And if he gets her feeling good and goes into kiss her, well, SHE didn't do it, he kissed her. And so on.
 
  • #30


wasteofo2 said:
Unless you are some incredibly high-value guy

What do you mean by: "unless."

Girls often want to deny culpability ... SHE didn't do it, he kissed her. And so on.

Again, I didn't mean to imply it was something ideal. But the topic of this thread is literally "have you seen an attractive woman, walked to her, and started a conversation?" I believe my post was both pertinent and informational.

I also find that instead of asking for a number, handing a girl your phone and saying: "Here, put your number in there so I have it for later" actually works better. Also, if you get a number, I usually send a stupid text really quickly, like: "Who's that cute guy you're talking to?" It guarantees that your number is in her phone and it opens the route to casual texting.

Like it or not, people over 30, texting is a significant form of communication now.
 
  • #31


FlexGunship said:
What do you mean by: "unless."

Good attitude, but did she call you back?


FlexGunship said:
I also find that instead of asking for a number, handing a girl your phone and saying: "Here, put your number in there so I have it for later" actually works better. Also, if you get a number, I usually send a stupid text really quickly, like: "Who's that cute guy you're talking to?" It guarantees that your number is in her phone and it opens the route to casual texting.

Like it or not, people over 30, texting is a significant form of communication now.

Not bad, though I would suggest going one step further and getting the girl's facebook instead of phone. Assuming she's young, that is. I don't know about how to deal with 35 year old women, but 20 year olds are definitely good to go for facebook flirting.
 
  • #32


wasteofo2 said:
Not bad, though I would suggest going one step further and getting the girl's facebook instead of phone. Assuming she's young, that is. I don't know about how to deal with 35 year old women, but 20 year olds are definitely good to go for facebook flirting.

Thats bull.
 
  • #33


DanP said:
Thats bull.

Have you ever tried it?

If you meet a girl and talk to her for 5-30 minutes, it can often be hard to get her to meet up with you in the future. You simply haven't developed enough of a connection and/or attraction for her to care very much about the random dude she chatted with the other day.

So if you just chat to a girl, get her number and call/text her, you will often get flaked on/get ignored.

With facebook chat, you can further talk with the girl and get to know her, building more connection/attraction. Further, her simply seeing pictures of you keeps you in her consciousness more than just seeing ''Ted - 917-245-6683''.

Also, sometimes girls are hesitant to give out their numbers. That's fine, they don't know you so why should they? Facebook is less of a big deal to give out, and from there you can surprise her with how awesome you are, making her want to see you again.

Try it out once.
 
  • #34


wasteofo2 said:
Have you ever tried it?

If you meet a girl and talk to her for 5-30 minutes, it can often be hard to get her to meet up with you in the future. You simply haven't developed enough of a connection and/or attraction for her to care very much about the random dude she chatted with the other day.

It's not hard. You don't need a "connection". She gave you her phone number after all :P Just call.

wasteofo2 said:
So if you just chat to a girl, get her number and call/text her, you will often get flaked on/get ignored.

Call. Only kids and cheap men text for a first date. Besides, it;s all about communication, and verbal on phone does it much better than texts. I like them to hear my voice. About getting ignored, it didn't happened to me yet in this life to call a woman who gave me her phone number and not get an answer or my call returned.

wasteofo2 said:
With facebook chat, you can further talk with the girl and get to know her, building more connection/attraction. Further, her simply seeing pictures of you keeps you in her consciousness more than just seeing ''Ted - 917-245-6683''.

Yeah, you build that on internet , Ill just ask them out and have a good time.

wasteofo2 said:
Also, sometimes girls are hesitant to give out their numbers. That's fine, they don't know you so why should they? Facebook is less of a big deal to give out, and from there you can surprise her with how awesome you are, making her want to see you again.
Try it out once.

So you realize now that getting her facebook is not the "next level" as you claim, but a setback. Fine, you couldn't get her number, some other means of communication might be in order.

But whatever, nothing beats the phone.
 
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  • #35


Dan, I don't know what age-group you're going for, but it doesn't sound like the early 20's girls I know in the USA.

You may have found the group of girls that don't flake on phone numbers, or the group of girls that likes to talk on the phone, but they are not the majority.

Obviously the goal isn't to talk to her on facebook, but talking to someone on facebook can make them more likely to not flake on you in real life when you actually want to see them.

When you get lots of girls numbers, you get lots of flakes, that's just part of life. I don't know where you're coming at this from, but meeting random people means some won't keep contact with you.
 
<h2>1. What is the purpose of this study?</h2><p>The purpose of this study is to understand the experiences and perspectives of individuals who have talked to an attractive woman. This could provide insights into social interactions, attraction, and communication dynamics.</p><h2>2. How do you define an "attractive woman" in this study?</h2><p>In this study, an "attractive woman" is defined as someone who is perceived as physically attractive by the individual being studied. This could vary based on personal preferences and societal standards of beauty.</p><h2>3. What is the methodology used in this study?</h2><p>This study will use both qualitative and quantitative methods. Participants will be asked to complete surveys and potentially participate in interviews to gather their experiences and perspectives. Data will be analyzed using statistical analysis and thematic coding.</p><h2>4. Who can participate in this study?</h2><p>Any individual who has talked to an attractive woman in any context is eligible to participate in this study. There are no specific age, gender, or other demographic requirements for participation.</p><h2>5. How will the confidentiality of participants be protected?</h2><p>All data collected in this study will be kept confidential and anonymous. Participants will be assigned a unique identifier to protect their identity. Data will only be used for the purposes of this study and will not be shared with any third parties.</p>

1. What is the purpose of this study?

The purpose of this study is to understand the experiences and perspectives of individuals who have talked to an attractive woman. This could provide insights into social interactions, attraction, and communication dynamics.

2. How do you define an "attractive woman" in this study?

In this study, an "attractive woman" is defined as someone who is perceived as physically attractive by the individual being studied. This could vary based on personal preferences and societal standards of beauty.

3. What is the methodology used in this study?

This study will use both qualitative and quantitative methods. Participants will be asked to complete surveys and potentially participate in interviews to gather their experiences and perspectives. Data will be analyzed using statistical analysis and thematic coding.

4. Who can participate in this study?

Any individual who has talked to an attractive woman in any context is eligible to participate in this study. There are no specific age, gender, or other demographic requirements for participation.

5. How will the confidentiality of participants be protected?

All data collected in this study will be kept confidential and anonymous. Participants will be assigned a unique identifier to protect their identity. Data will only be used for the purposes of this study and will not be shared with any third parties.

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