What are the physical and emotional challenges of aging?

[turbo]

Some are physical, and some are emotional. Two days ago, my neighbor ~70 years old had a stroke and was rushed to a stroke/coronary center in Bangor. Hopefully, they can do something to relieve the pressure on his brain, and he doesn't lose much functionality. My wife's favorite aunt (~93) is in that same hospital and is not expected to last for more than the next day or so. At least she didn't fall victim to senile dementia like her sister (my mother-in-law), and had a sharp mind and a good memory every time I talked to her. A good long life and a merciful (not drawn-out, painful) death are something we can all aspire to.

Until a year or two ago, I'd breeze right past the obituaries in the morning paper. Now, though, it seems that a couple of times a week people that I know have died, including the parents of friends, and even former class-mates. I'm a couple weeks away from hitting 60, so it's not that surprising that people in their 80s are kicking off, but still jarring to see an obit about somebody that you grew up knowing.

A guy that died recently has a big soft spot in my heart. He was fishing the tailwaters of the local hydro-dam and hooked into a huge salmon, and he told me to grab his landing net and land that monster. My father was horrified - even more so when I made the rookie mistake of grabbing the line when that big fish didn't want to get into the net! It all turned out OK, and that football-shaped land-locked salmon ended up mounted and displayed on the wall of the local variety store that sold fishing licenses in the next town. My father was giving me hell, and Junior patted me on the back and told me that I "did good".

 

[lisab]

Carpe diem! It all ends way, way too soon.

 

[DragonPetter]

I'm sorry to hear about your wife's aunt and neighbor.

I'm curious, what is more painful about getting old, seeing the people you've known fall apart from old age, which is inevitable, or seeing life go on without you and seeing young people doing and enjoying things that you won't be able to do or that you missed your chance to do?

Edit: Along the same lines, is it painful to know you won't be around when science discovers some of the greatest mysteries of today?

 

[turbo]

I think it was Jackson Browne that said that all we leave behind is the way we lived our lives.

 

[turbo]

I'm sorry to hear about your wife's aunt and neighbor.

I'm curious, what is more painful, seeing the people you've known fall apart from old age, which is inevitable, or seeing life go on without you and seeing young people doing and enjoying things that you won't be able to do or that you missed your chance to do?

I have worked on ski-patrols, raced in HS, done white-water kayaking and canoeing, technical rock climbing, orienteering, built hopped up Harleys, etc, etc. I don't feel that I have missed out on much. It's sad but inevitable to see older people that are dear to you dying off. I used to think that people who HAD to scan the obits were morbid. I see that differently now.

 

[turbo]

Along the same lines, is it painful to know you won't be around when science discovers some of the greatest mysteries of today?

Not really. I have some inclinations as to which way the quantum world and classical physics can be reconciled, but I'd probably be infracted for mentioning them here. Science will plod along (with occasional surges) as it always has, and it doesn't really matter if I'm around to see some serious progress toward a GUT. We all have our appointed times, and we can't aspire to more.

 

[DragonPetter]

Not really. I have some inclinations as to which way the quantum world and classical physics can be reconciled, but I'd probably be infracted for mentioning them here. Science will plod along (with occasional surges) as it always has, and it doesn't really matter if I'm around to see some serious progress toward a GUT. We all have our appointed times, and we can't aspire to more.

I'm a lot younger than you and I still get depressed that I missed the lifetime-extension/immortality boat that will probably be available to future generations.

 

[jim hardy]

But Turbo don't you find your insight getting better? And your patience with people?

When i turned forty i said to Mom "Life is starting to make more sense"
she replied "Wait'll seventy".

If we can take anything with us it's memories. I try to make mine kind ones.

 

[turbo]

If we can take anything with us it's memories. I try to make mine kind ones.

That's a good thing. If we die knowing that we have treated people kindly, and have tried to do good, that's good enough, IMO.

 

[rhody]

I have shared the same thoughts you stated more times than I care to admit, especially in the past five years, to that end, here is something I have been working on and will continue to work on until I leave this planet, keep your mind fresh with ideas, new challenges, and to seek out those who are a decade or two younger than you as part of your inner circle of friends and associates. If you don't, you stand to wake up one day with everyone who meant anything to you gone forever. Having younger friends helps from becoming depressed, and at some point alone. Stay connected and alive...

Rhody...

 

[drizzle]

Having a strong family bonds, cures most of life's cruelness.

 

[turbo]

Having a strong family bonds, cures most of life's cruelness.

True, but most of us need friends and people with similar interests to keep us alert. Family does not always do that. I hope that when I die, there are people who will at least say "he was a good person".

 

[I like Serena]

When my father died, that shook me and my brothers and mother.
It shows that life is not unending and makes one wonder.
In a sense it brought us all together.
I didn't use to have any experience with growing old and dying.

 

[Evo]

I guess my perspective is a bit different because people close to me started dying while I was in my early teens. Classmates, neighbors, best friend's parents, close family members, when I was 16 a boy that thought he was in love with me commited suicide over me. When I was 18 a co-worker that was a good friend and I had a crush on was murdered. Now most of my family and old friends are dead and in the distant past. Seems like my losses have been going on forever.

 

[chiro]

True, but most of us need friends and people with similar interests to keep us alert. Family does not always do that. I hope that when I die, there are people who will at least say "he was a good person".

I am pretty sure that at least on here at PF, despite most not having met you in person (like myself) would agree that you already deserve that honor.

 

[Astronuc]

It's not so much older, as living a long time. Inevitably one's mortality becomes more real and definite, especially when one loses friends and family members.

 

[turbo]

I don't really mind getting older (no choice, anyway), but there are losses all along the way. Some are more tolerable than others.

 

[OldEngr63]

The pains of getting older are very real, however. We don't feel nearly as energetic as we once did, we move a lot slower, we get tired a lot faster, and we just simply do not think as fast as we once did -- or at least I find all of these to be true for myself. Some mornings, it just aches to get out of bed, but it also aches to stay in bed (that's a lousy choice to face, let me tell you!). You get to the point where doctor's appointments become a major part of your social calendar which is a pretty dismal comment on your life.

 

[ThomasT]

Some are physical, and some are emotional. Two days ago, my neighbor ~70 years old had a stroke and was rushed to a stroke/coronary center in Bangor. Hopefully, they can do something to relieve the pressure on his brain, and he doesn't lose much functionality. My wife's favorite aunt (~93) is in that same hospital and is not expected to last for more than the next day or so. At least she didn't fall victim to senile dementia like her sister (my mother-in-law), and had a sharp mind and a good memory every time I talked to her. A good long life and a merciful (not drawn-out, painful) death are something we can all aspire to.

Until a year or two ago, I'd breeze right past the obituaries in the morning paper. Now, though, it seems that a couple of times a week people that I know have died, including the parents of friends, and even former class-mates. I'm a couple weeks away from hitting 60, so it's not that surprising that people in their 80s are kicking off, but still jarring to see an obit about somebody that you grew up knowing.

A guy that died recently has a big soft spot in my heart. He was fishing the tailwaters of the local hydro-dam and hooked into a huge salmon, and he told me to grab his landing net and land that monster. My father was horrified - even more so when I made the rookie mistake of grabbing the line when that big fish didn't want to get into the net! It all turned out OK, and that football-shaped land-locked salmon ended up mounted and displayed on the wall of the local variety store that sold fishing licenses in the next town. My father was giving me hell, and Junior patted me on the back and told me that I "did good".

I'm going on 65, so I can identify with your experience/sentiment. Have lost several pretty good friends who died way too young. Most of the family that I was close to is gone.

But we're still here. I'm glad you're still here. Always enjoy, and usually learn something from, your posts. I'm especially fascinated by your musical prowess and experiences, as well as your mode of living ... and cooking knowledge. And usually agree with your take on social/political/philosophical issues.

As for losses due to aging. Yeah, it can be frustrating. Not just the loss of loved and trusted ones, but the degradation of abilities. But one adjusts/adapts.

 

[Alesak]

It would be very interesting to read some insights from the elderly members of this forum. By this I mean for example things that are not obvious at the moment, but only in retrospect. Or things people wish they did when they were young, but didn´t do for whatever reason. Or focusing on things or people that weren´t really worth it. Or wasting too much time on something.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

It would be very interesting to read some insights from the elderly members of this forum.

Yes, I would be quite interested to hear from them.

 

[Astronuc]

It would be very interesting to read some insights from the elderly members of this forum. By this I mean for example things that are not obvious at the moment, but only in retrospect. Or things people wish they did when they were young, but didn´t do for whatever reason. Or focusing on things or people that weren´t really worth it. Or wasting too much time on something.

I wanted to go to mountains (Himalayas, Karakorum, Pamirs, Altai, . . .) when I was young. It would have been a lot safer then than now. However, I didn't have the money. Instead, I focused on school, getting into university, and then academics and then getting degrees. Along the way, I got married, and that really restricts what one can do. Of course, if I had married someone who was into mountaineering, that would have been a very different experience.

Looking back, there are certainly a lot of "what ifs". There have always been a lot of paths/roads from which to choose, and rather than the path/road not taken, there are many paths/roads not taken. Each would have been a very different experience/adventure/history.

Some paths would have been better not taken.

 

[drizzle]

...Or wasting too much time on something.

Don't waste a single minute on hatred.

Yes, I would be quite interested to hear from them.

I'd be glad to give you some insights.

 

[R.P.F.]

This thread makes me really sad.
A professor who I intensely adore is hitting 60 in a year or so. He is sharp, intelligent and nice. I see the air of competence around him wherever he goes. The interaction between us is great. We always have so much to talk about!
He really makes me think that some people just don't get old. Or even if they do, the charm doesn't fade at all.
All I want to say is that there are losses as you get old, but there are also young people coming along to befriend/admire you.

I'm 20, btw.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

I'm trying my best to front load my life and go big every chance I get! Something I have been thinking about is how many times I've been close to death and not know it. I sure there are countless situations in everyone's life where if something changed slightly in an experience that it would have resulted in our death. It also makes me think about what decisions I've made or will make that might result in my death (falling dominos). It might be as simple as waiting on a particular yellow light or as complex as deciding not to meet a new person who unknowingly will direct you to your death.

 

[turbo]

Good news about my neighbor. The docs relieved the swelling that caused the stroke and he's on track to be released Monday.

And two of my sisters-in-law took my mother-in law to visit her rapidly-failing sister in the hospital for one last time.

 

[Alesak]

I wanted to go to mountains (Himalayas, Karakorum, Pamirs, Altai, . . .) when I was young. It would have been a lot safer then than now. However, I didn't have the money. Instead, I focused on school, getting into university, and then academics and then getting degrees. Along the way, I got married, and that really restricts what one can do. Of course, if I had married someone who was into mountaineering, that would have been a very different experience.

Yeah, my brother is 30 right now, and recently he went to Nepal for a month. I guess it was smart choice to do it before he gets married. OT, did you know about mountains in Slovakia? For example here and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tatry. They are under 2000m, but definitely have that "great mountains" feeling about them, with winds and all that stuff. Been there, was awesome:) But I guess in the US you got such mountains too.

Looking back, there are certainly a lot of "what ifs". There have always been a lot of paths/roads from which to choose, and rather than the path/road not taken, there are many paths/roads not taken. Each would have been a very different experience/adventure/history.

Some paths would have been better not taken.

True that, but when I´m thinking about it, it seems to be better to be on the daring site. I´m 23, and already I can see all the opportunities I missed because of my inaction or lazyness. How sad.

 

[Alesak]

Yes, I would be quite interested to hear from them.

And vice versa!

 

[Alesak]

I'm trying my best to front load my life and go big every chance I get! Something I have been thinking about is how many times I've been close to death and not know it. I sure there are countless situations in everyone's life where if something changed slightly in an experience that it would have resulted in our death. It also makes me think about what decisions I've made or will make that might result in my death (falling dominos). It might be as simple as waiting on a particular yellow light or as complex as deciding not to meet a new person who unknowingly will direct you to your death.

Well, the closest I´ve been to death is probably when I was in competition with about a hundred million other contenders, which I won. All others died.

Otherwise, I think the chance to die prematurely in developed world is pretty low, look at the statistics. Or what do you mean?

 

[Hobin]

Otherwise, I think the chance to die prematurely in developed world is pretty low, look at the statistics. Or what do you mean?

'Prematurely' includes all cases NOT caused by biological degeneration (i.e. aging). That's a pretty big list of possible causes of death.

 

[Alesak]

'Prematurely' includes all cases NOT caused by biological degeneration (i.e. aging). That's a pretty big list of possible causes of death.

Healthy living seem to be much better strategy to avoiding death than to worry about being hit by a car or getting shot, in any case.

 

[Hobin]

Healthy living seem to be much better strategy to avoiding death than to worry about being hit by a car or getting shot, in any case.

Agreed. I was just nitpicking definitions.

 

[Astronuc]

Yeah, my brother is 30 right now, and recently he went to Nepal for a month. I guess it was smart choice to do it before he gets married. OT, did you know about mountains in Slovakia? For example here and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tatry. They are under 2000m, but definitely have that "great mountains" feeling about them, with winds and all that stuff. Been there, was awesome:) But I guess in the US you got such mountains too.

Yes - I know of the European mountains, and those of E. Europe, particularly the Carpathians and Balkan ranges. I've spent time in Rhodopians. I hope to return.

True that, but when I´m thinking about it, it seems to be better to be on the daring site. I´m 23, and already I can see all the opportunities I missed because of my inaction or lazyness. How sad.

You have plenty of time.

 

[gentryliving]

That is really the pain of getting older. When mother died i didn't know what to do. Although i am old enough to take care of myself, but i had my worries. What if i am old and no one to take care of me? What if my children will not take care of me? A lot of questions but in the end, i know the creator has a plan for each of us.

 

[turbo]

Good news on one front. My older friend/neighbor is back home. He is on a maintenance dose of a clot-buster medicine, but not much else, and he doesn't seem to have lost much (if any) function. We spent almost an hour on the phone this morning and he seems in good spirits. In fact, he wants to get right back out to the garage and resume working on a 33 year old Ford pickup he is restoring, and wanted my advice about how to get wrinkles and creases out of a new molded carpet that he bought for the cab.