Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #981
Isaacsname said:
A lame joke thread is incomplete without Florence Jenkins and McGonagall . Bad poetry and mangled opera go hand in hand with lame jokes.

For your viewing pleasure



http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/articles/failures.htm


My eyes! My ears! My... AAARRGGHHH! :wink:
 
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  • #982
A transportation engineer zombie?

" Trrrraaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnssssss "
 
  • #983
FtlIsAwesome said:
A transportation engineer zombie?

" Trrrraaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnssssss "

A pilot zombie ?

" Plllaaaaannnnnneeeeeeeeessss"

A zombie car mechanic ?

" Auuuttttooooooomobilllleeeeeeeeesssss "

:uhh:
 
  • #984
Isaacsname said:
A pilot zombie ?

" Plllaaaaannnnnneeeeeeeeessss"

A zombie car mechanic ?

" Auuuttttooooooomobilllleeeeeeeeesssss "

:uhh:

Or Caaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssss
 
  • #985
A zombie drycleaner ?

" Staaaiiiiiiiiiinnnnsssss "

:tongue2:
 
  • #986
Isaacsname said:
A pilot zombie ?

" Plllaaaaannnnnneeeeeeeeessss"

A zombie car mechanic ?

" Auuuttttooooooomobilllleeeeeeeeesssss "

:uhh:

That last one doesn't work. :tongue2:
 
  • #987
Zombie Singer?

"Reeeeefffrraaaaaaiiiiinnnsss"

Zombie Pedagogue?

"Eeexxxxxplllaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnssss"

heh... so lame.
 
  • #988
Zombie electrician?

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnsssss.
 
  • #989
Lancelot59 said:
Zombie electrician?

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnsssss.

Zombie PT?

Spppprrraaaaaaaaiiinnnsssss
 
  • #990
A photographist zombie?

" Frrrraaaaaaammmmmeeeesssssss "
 
  • #991
nismaratwork said:
Zombie PT?

Spppprrraaaaaaaaiiinnnsssss

Zombie porn star?

Baaaaaaabeeeeeessss.
 
  • #992
A zombie with a headache?

" Assssppprrrrriiiiinnnn "
 
  • #993
FtlIsAwesome said:
A transportation engineer zombie?

" Trrrraaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnssssss "

:rofl:

A physicist zombie studying Relativity?

"Frrrraaaaammmeesssss"


P.S. Damn, Fit you got me!
 
  • #994
Lancelot59 said:
Zombie porn star?

Baaaaaaabeeeeeessss.

More like, "AAAAIIIIIIDDDDSSSS" :bugeye:


Zombie Origami artist?

"Crrrrraaaaannnneeesss"
 
  • #995
Zombie Ex-mother inlaw ?

" Disdaaaiiiiiiinnnssss "

...' backs slowly towards exit '
 
  • #996
nismaratwork said:
Zombie Origami artist?

"Crrrrraaaaannnneeesss"
Or a constuction zombie.
 
  • #997
A cowboy rides into town one day, shrouded in dust. He eases his horse up to the the saloon, hops off, ties the horse off and put on the feedbag.

He walks around to the rear of the horse, lifts up the tail and kisses the horse right where you wouldn't.

The other cowboys, stunned into silence momentarily, ask the lone stranger

" What the hell was that for ..? "

The stranger replies

" ... " Chapped lips "

To which they reply

" ..What the hell does that have to do with chapped lips...? "

The stranger looks up and says

" Well,...It keeps me from licking them "
 
  • #998
OK... I just died a little inside...


:bugeye:
 
  • #999
Ha ! Didn't they warn you..? I'm dangerous...

...ly stupid.

:tongue2:
 
  • #1,000
Isaacsname said:
Ha ! Didn't they warn you..? I'm dangerous...

...ly stupid.

:tongue2:

Heh... :biggrin:
 
  • #1,001
Zombie shoe salesman:

Laaaaaaaaccceeeeeeesssss.
 
  • #1,002
Lancelot59 said:
Zombie shoe salesman:

Laaaaaaaaccceeeeeeesssss.

A zombie dentist

" Brrraaaaaaaccccceeeeesssss "
 
  • #1,003
Isaacsname said:
A zombie dentist

" Brrraaaaaaaccccceeeeesssss "

A zombie insomniac


"Paaaaaaccceeesssss"
 
  • #1,004
Cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets twice, strikes the end of the cigarette and lights it.

- Hi, I am John!

Next cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets thrice, strikes the end of the cigarette and lights it.

- Hi, I am Jack!

Next cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets four times, kills a bartender.

- Hi, I am sorry.
 
  • #1,005
Not a joke but a question

Why is it, that if I get tattoos, I'm hip, and if I draw on myself with markers, I'm crazy ?

..who's makin' these rules anyway ?
 
  • #1,006
Isaacsname said:
Not a joke but a question

Why is it, that if I get tattoos, I'm hip, and if I draw on myself with markers, I'm crazy ?

..who's makin' these rules anyway ?
Markers will wear off.

:tongue2: :tongue2:
 
  • #1,007
A down-on-his-luck piano player spots a " Jazz bar piano player wanted " sign in the window of a bar one day.

He walks in, go's over to the bar and says

" I can play, but I don't do covers, are you interested..? "

The bartender looks up, " ..Ok,..go ahead and play me a quick tune, I'll have a listen . "

The piano player hops up on stage and deftly renders an incredible original composition.

The bartender is almost stunned to tears..." What do you call that song.. it was beautiful .."

The Man replies "..Well, to be honest, I name my songs after things that happen to me, so I call that one " My ex-wife took everything I had, and now I'm sleeping in my car underneath the bridge. "

The bartender is like :eek:

...but asks for another demonstration of the man's abilities.

Once again the pianoman weaves a musical tapestry versed with the spirit of all the jazz greats.

The bartender says " I'm a little reluctant to ask,...but what do you call that one ..? "

He replies " Hey, look what I just stepped in ! "

The bartender is a little concerned with the song names, but tells the man to come back at 6 and give it a go.


Around 8 the man takes a bathroom break, when he comes out of the bathroom, the next man in line who'd been waiting to use the john says

" Hey man, do you know your fly's open ? "

The piano players looks at the man

.." pppfttt...know it ? "

" I wrote it "
 
  • #1,008
FtlIsAwesome said:
A photographist zombie?

" Frrrraaaaaaammmmmeeeesssssss "
I just realized that I got the exact 1000th post on this thread! :biggrin:
 
  • #1,009
One camel says to the other, "I don't care what anyone says, I'm thirsty."
 
  • #1,010
Did you hear about the stickup on the bridge?

No.

Who threw it up there?
 
  • #1,011
What do you get when you cross an elephant with an octopus ?

You get an elephant that eats a lot of peanuts.
 
  • #1,012
Isaacsname said:
What do you get when you cross an elephant with an octopus ?

|elephant||octopus|*sin θ
 
  • #1,013
lisab said:
|elephant||octopus|*sin θ

'hangs head'

...I'm a flop at maths, I wish I understood the humor in that, I bet it's funny.

:shy:
 
  • #1,014
lisab said:
|elephant||octopus|*sin θ

Lisa isn't that great either. That's a dot product. :tongue2:
 
  • #1,015
Isaacsname said:
'hangs head'

...I'm a flop at maths, I wish I understood the humor in that, I bet it's funny.

:shy:

Imagine they're both lines, or curves... she just made them "cross" on her graph. :wink:

I think.

I'm better with the abstract math than actual calculations... oh that was fun in HS.

@mugaliens: You're going to hell, which I don't believe in, for making jokes that bad. :biggrin:
 

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