Social life and Physics/Mathematics?

[tim_lou]

I am an undergraduate student majoring Math/Physics. Well, basically, I am very much into learning so I think about Math/Physics all the time. Even on Friday and Weekends, I usually stay at home and study. One of my friends tells me to go out and have some fun, but I simply do not know how or what he means by fun. Should I just go see a movie? or just chill out at some random place? Well, the point is, I simply do not find socializing and doing nothing very enjoyable.

It seems that not many people have the same interest as I do, and as a result, I am often isolated from my classmates--not because they don't like me, but simply because I do not know how to approach them or start a discussion. Basically, I do not have many friends who I can talk to and socialize with.

So, does anyone else have similar experience? or do I have some sort of problems?

 

[Math Is Hard]

.. but simply because I do not know how to approach them or start a discussion. Basically, I do not have many friends who I can talk to and socialize with.

How about "Hey, anybody want to go to the movies Friday night?"

Won't kill you to take one night off.

 

[verty]

Yes, I think there are people who have similar experiences, I am one of them. If you are like me then I imagine you derive enjoyment from your work. You therefore don't seek to escape it.

I'll just say that trying to be someone you aren't is probably not the best thing to do. However, I don't mean to imply that what we are doesn't change over time, nor that what you are is what I or someone else says you are.

If you like different things then so be it; do different things. I wouldn't say you have a problem, although some people are quick to say that people who are abnormal have a disorder or have problems or whatever. However, if you realize that they only say that because they are different and they want to be right, it shouldn't worry you too much.

To them, you are the 'other': different and therefore mysterious. Just learn to be your unique self.

 

[complexPHILOSOPHY]

I recommend smoking a bowl and watching a movie. You don't have to go out to take a break.

 

[verty]

I wouldn't start smoking.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I have a book recommendation for you, tim. This was written by a fellow who was a genius at having fun (and not half bad at physics either ):
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0393316041/?tag=pfamazon01-20

 

[CPL.Luke]

yeah even if you love your work you should go out and have fun on occasion, out of curiosity what school do you go to? a lot of schools have different atmospheres and different ideas of what fun is. For instance fun at MIT might involve doing some crazy project, while fun at a big state school might mean going out and getting piss drunk with people you don't even know.

while to me the latter is something that i have to do a few times a year, but my favorite friday night is one where people get really relaxed (maybe mildly drunk) and start talking about weighty subjects such as international politics and science.

or even just late night relaxed fun at a diner or something, I'm a big fan of any late night conversation.

 

[tim_lou]

I'm not at any Ivy league school... Just an above average college. Plus, I wouldn't consider myself as a genius... I just don't really like the usual things that average people do.

To be honest, I've never had a girl friend, never really chilled with friends on a Friday night, never really had a party with others...

verty, I'm glad that we share similar experiences. Yes, I do tend to enjoy "working", I guess, because a lot of times when I find myself doing nothing, I feel bad. I felt that I could've done more, learned more and knew more. For example, before checking out this forum, I was sitting on my sofa watching TV, then I felt like, "heck, the TV is boring, why not solve that problem that I didn't solve before" ... then I started to think about magnetic moment and Coriolis Force...

Anyway, I do spend times with my family and I do watch TV and play computer games sometimes.

Also, when I attempt to talk to others, I can't really think of anything to say, except maybe Math/Physics. Discussions with my friends usually involve math problems, physics or theorems that one of us might have read over somewhere, or academics.

 

[DeadWolfe]

The key is to find ways to combine your interests with social outings. For instance, I have friends show enjoy playing chess, go, set, and mao (where we often make up math-related rules), so even when I'm playing games I'm still developing my mind.

 

[chroot]

If you're at a university, you have a million different social outlets minutes away. Look into some of the student clubs and organizations -- you can find people, interested in just about anything, who are also looking for friends just like you.

- Warren

 

[cristo]

I agree.. at my university there are clubs for more or less any passtime you could possibly imagine. You always have the opportunity to turn up at the meetings, even if you've never done anything like it before! Find out about clubs, and just turn up!

 

[interested_learner]

Sometimes taking time off improves your grades. I was getting a C in a Physical Chem class once so I said what the heck and went mountain climbing the day before the final. Got a perfect on the final and an A in the class. I also took a calc final the same day and got a 97.5% and an A in that class.

 

[Tony11235]

Tim you're not the only person that has never been to a party or had a date in college. Along with that, I've barely even made any friends. Aside from programming assignments or studying, I usually will just read, be on my computer, or mess with my electronic equipment. The only thing that comes close to being social that I do is play basketball which is weird I know cause I'm not a sports person at all but I sort of like playing basketball. However I hate/dislike the people that you encounter in that area.

 

[imastud]

Sometimes taking time off improves your grades. I was getting a C in a Physical Chem class once so I said what the heck and went mountain climbing the day before the final. Got a perfect on the final and an A in the class. I also took a calc final the same day and got a 97.5% and an A in that class.

Thats sort of dangerous advice to give. I'm pretty sure studying for a test is usually better than not studying. Maybe I'm wrong

 

[mathwonk]

thats horse merde not studying lowers your grade 99 times out of 100.

 

[JasonRox]

I think a good social life is essential for personal happiness. Of course the level of your social level comes with preference, but having none can't be good.

Of course you can be happy without any social life, but it isn't the ultimate happiness you can achieve. Basically try having a little bit of a social life, and after some time, you will see that you feel better. That's what I believe anyways. I'm sure many people do, and Aristotle is one of them.

 

[pivoxa15]

Tim, I am just like you except possibly more antisocial because I actually want to be this way. I often refuse to socialise although I admit it is not very healthy but its just how things have turned out. It could also be in the genes.

 

[J77]

Exercise helps focus the mind - if you take time of to go for a run or to play a competitive sport, you'll find your mind much more focused when you return to the study. Also, going down the pub to relax and the end of the day helps too

Horses for courses tho', innit.

Some people like to study excessively hard - some find it easier to learn in a more relaxed way.

For me - my missus is an English teacher - she has no idea of the maths I do, so we don't discuss it after work hours. Plus, when I was studying I played loads of sports - basketball, football (soccer), volleyball, tennis...

 

[khalil]

normal

I think that all smart guys are "different" in one sense.
However i think that even though you enjoy studying( and i am sure like you) , you ought to find some people to have other activities .
I mean it may just widen your horizon and increase your experience in life .
However even if you do not do that today you will feel the need to do it one day...
My meaning is that as we seek the truth about harmony in the world and thinghs in science are beautiful, you have things in life that are equally beautiful and that you should experience...for like feynman said "experiment is the ultimate validity test".

 

[complexPHILOSOPHY]

If you think things like watching movies and conversing with random people, is pointless, then maybe you should find other mathematicians or physicists in your school and have intellectual discussions with them.

 

[leon1127]

However, I do suggest give yourself a little bit relaxation the day before exam week. That is my habit since secondary school and it works on me.

 

[Werg22]

I have the opposite problem. I can't make my social life work out with all my work, there's simply no time. I use to put social life first, but now that I am in my Senior year, I am left with no choice. I am big self-studier, and self-studies are taking the side as of now because of all the school work. At the end of each day, I just wish it had extra hours.

 

[imastud]

yeah I'm in the same boat as a senior, freshman year i used to go out at least 3 nights a week, now I'm down to the occassional friday or saturday night because of tough senior classes, studying for the gre's (not anymore though), and research project

plus all the other kids in my physics classes are morons so I pretty much have to learn all the material myself with only some help from the professor.

 

[tim_lou]

It seems that in general, people who are very interested in math and physics or similar subjects are often categorizes in a certain way...

Anyway, I have attempted to analysis my psychology. It seems that I am often obsessed with math/physics. Yet, this obsession seems to come from nowhere. Sometimes I find it pretentious or even frustrating to think about mathematics or physics related topics. I often ask myself: am I really REALLY THAT into physics? Am I forcing myself to think or does thinking come naturally? Although I often feel excitement, astonishment or even get chills when I read those amazing results/accomplishments of human intellects, sometimes I am bored and frustrated for not being able to stay focus or understand certain materials...

when in the presence of others. I often find me talking to myself, "what should I say? does he/she really notice me?". Then I start asking myself, "do I really care if someone knows my existence?". Then I think again, "what's all this non-sense, why am I thinking about this..."

I don't know...I don't even know why I am posting this, I don't even know what exactly my motives are posting these words...Anyway, the human mind is a complicated place to explore, specially one's own mind...

 

[imastud]

Although I often feel excitement, astonishment or even get chills when I read those amazing results/accomplishments of human intellects, sometimes I am bored and frustrated for not being able to stay focus or understand certain materials...

I think I see what you are saying there and I often feel the same way. I think physics is a lot of fun when you are successful at it, like when you work through a pretty tough problem and get a solution. I have experienced the bored and frustrated part as well, such as the time i decided it might be fun to read through weinberg's book on qft (at the time i was in the middle of undergrad QM and had only had baby modern physics SR) and that lasted about 10 minutes because i understood nothing, got bored and frustrated and gave up.

 

[Robert Mak]

Think about when you have achievement to celebrate, and without friends to do it.

 

[JasonRox]

when in the presence of others. I often find me talking to myself, "what should I say? does he/she really notice me?". Then I start asking myself, "do I really care if someone knows my existence?". Then I think again, "what's all this non-sense, why am I thinking about this..."

By changing your questions just a little bit, you get more relevant questions.

For example:

Does it matter what I say?

Generally no, and the thinking is done.

Does it matter if they notice me?

Also no, and the thinking is done. No one needs to notice you. There is no obligation on this planet to notice anyone.

Does is matter is someone knows about my existence?

I would say no again. No one needs to know you exist. Again, there is no obligation on this planet to be aware of someone else's existence.

Does is matter that I'm thinking about this non-sense?

Also no. So, since it doesn't matter, don't think about it.

There you go, I've been through each question.

The reality is to ask yourself the appropriate questions and before you know it, you stop thinking about the non-sense.

Nothing matters honestly. I think the biggest problem for most people when it comes to socializing is having expectations. In fact, I can directly link this idea to your questions.

Look, for example you asked the following questions:

"what should I say? does he/she really notice me?".

The first question, you're expecting that you should say someone catchy or something "worthy" enough to keep the socializing going because YOU'RE expecting a good conversation. Don't expect things like that. When you meet someone new, don't expect that this can be a good relationship. Don't expect that you can become closer. Don't expect to hang out more. When you meet a girl for example, don't expect that she will like you. Don't expect that she will enjoy the conversation with you. Don't expect that things can get further than just being friends.

The only thing you should expect in a conversation is that you enjoy it. That's it. If you don't enjoy it, why bother continuing the conversation. The second the conversation gets boring for me, I end it. The other person might enjoy it, but that's fine and I still end because this means we aren't really compatible in that area. A lot of times, you will find something new to talk about which is more enjoyable. If the new topic is not enjoyable, again end it. Also, don't spend too much time going through topics that you might enjoy talking about with the other person. That gets boring and annoying.

Note: Of course, I'm considering pleasant social conversations here. Therefore, I'm not including a friend breaking up with a partner because that's not enjoyable, but it does not mean you end the conversation like I said. You should support them. But for pleasant social conversations, if you don't enjoy it, end it. How? Don't look act so darn interested.

When talking to girls or guys, or whomever, the only thing you should expect is to have a good time. That's it! That simple. It's what I do now, and it works great. My female talking social skills are much better.

The second question you're EXPECTING people to notice you. Well, don't expect that. Like I said earlier, no one needs to notice you, so don't expect it.

"do I really care if someone knows my existence?".

Again, EXPECTING someone should know about your existence. Don't expect that either.

Stop expecting stuff period.

The problem is that people expect things for nothing. And once we don't get what we expected, we get this trigger in our brain that we failed. That negative feedback is NOT good at all. The more this happens, the worse it gets and the harder it is to overcome it.

When I meet a girl, I don't expect that the girl will like me or what not. I simply expect to have a good time. That's it. Too many guys meet new cute girls, and are already day dreaming about how a nice relationship with that girl would be. Well, don't do that! When you do that, you spend less attention on the conversation at hand as well as less time enjoying the present time. Then, because of that, it has a negative impact on the girl and will most likely end the conversation, just like I would.

Note: I have a girlfriend, and my thoughts when meeting a girl are still the same. There is nothing wrong with that because I'm only expecting a good time, which is the same expectation when I meet a guy.

Anyways, think less.

I used to be pretty heavily introverted, but I have become more extroverted. I'd say it's like 60% introverted and 40% extroverted. This is how I feel anyways. I'm aiming for a 50/50 split, and that should be good. I wouldn't be surprised if people think I'm 90-100% extroverted. This might be because I am a happy person and feel comfortable with myself. I got rid of many many insecurities, which is awesome.

 

[tim_lou]

JasonRox, I think you are very much correct. I do expect a lot from myself. I expect myself to be smart, I expect myself to succeed, I expect myself to learn, to stand out, and to be knowledgeable. Which causes me to doubt and question a lot of things that I do. I doubt whether not I like physics, I question whether not I am lonely, I question whether not I am as much as I could've been or as smart as who I think I may be... Indeed, none of these really matter... Which in turns, calls the meaning of this post, of my thoughts at this moments, into questions...

It seems like one cannot have a grand meaning that excludes all meanings, similarly to how a universal set does not exist...

Oh, screw this, I am just going to go to bed. It's 2:00 am here and I have a final tomorrow.

 

[ovoleg]

Do whatever you want in life, you only live once...

Don't let anyone tell you what you should be doing or what you shouldn't be doing. Being social is just one part of life, another is learning, another is exploring, etc. I do find joy in team sports and team accomplishments.

I completed a Ironman Triathlon a month back with a group of 5(2 females and 3 males including me) and have to say that was the biggest high I have had in awhile. Sure if it's fun to study and discover new things but sometimes you have to try something different to experience it all.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you to be social like some people are---You only live once and by the time you know it, you'll be 50 and reflecting back on your life. Just think ahead and ask yourself, "did I do what I wanted with my life?", "Did I accomplish all the goals I meant to accomplish---Or did I at least try to hit the goals?", "Am I satisfied with the life I lived?".

Etc, think about it...you are still young

 

[JasonRox]

Do whatever you want in life, you only live once...

Don't let anyone tell you what you should be doing or what you shouldn't be doing. Being social is just one part of life, another is learning, another is exploring, etc. I do find joy in team sports and team accomplishments.

I completed a Ironman Triathlon a month back with a group of 5(2 females and 3 males including me) and have to say that was the biggest high I have had in awhile. Sure if it's fun to study and discover new things but sometimes you have to try something different to experience it all.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you to be social like some people are---You only live once and by the time you know it, you'll be 50 and reflecting back on your life. Just think ahead and ask yourself, "did I do what I wanted with my life?", "Did I accomplish all the goals I meant to accomplish---Or did I at least try to hit the goals?", "Am I satisfied with the life I lived?".

Etc, think about it...you are still young

But you are telling him to be social.

 

[^_^physicist]

Here's something that I have found useful in developing a set of friends. Talk to people in your classes before class. Just asking a vaildating question or asking if they managed to get one of the homework problems done. I have often found that after using that icebreaker, the next time they see me they are a little more confortable around me and they will strike up a converstation. After awhile these conversations lead to us hanging out and having some fun. Of course doing this was a bit tricky consistering at first I didn't have much confidence in myself to ask questions or just talk to someone I didn't know very well, but over time it got better.

Also, if you live in a dorm your first year of college introduce yourself to your neighbors if you overhear someone having a computer problem or a hard time with something make yourself usefull if they want your help. Its a good way to get to know more people.

One last thing, if you want to meet people with similar interests, if there exists commons/lounge for your major (such as a physics lab people hang out in, or a set of desks some math majors seem to hang out at and study), just go there and study. Just being there will get people's attention.

 

[pivoxa15]

Tim, you could just stay your way that is to keep working hard and be antisocial - which is what I try to do, although the latter is not really done purposely on mybehalf. And whenever you get depressed or suicidal which I admit often happens to me, try to look to people like Newton, Riemann, Dirac and Grigori Perelman for insipiration and as role models and that might ease your pain and give you encourgement since from reading their biographies, also took this route.

 

[Equilibrium]

^ Hes right... be more of yourself
tim, i feel your pain, I am also like you
we are the same...
I have no feelings at all, and it feels good... all i think about are studies.. and i feel numb about my social life... i don't care about people who snob me...who critisizes me... i don't care about anything... the reason why i don't wna socialize is because i am silent and people are getting away from me because i don't speak up... but i don't care... i don't have a purpose for my life... id be happy if i die

 

[imastud]

no offense but you shouldn't encourage people to be more like you have the attitude "id be happy if i die"

 

[tim_lou]

I do get depressed sometimes... actually, very often in the past. However, whenever I felt lonely, I would get myself occupied (reading, doing problems). I wouldn't say there is no purpose for life. In fact, I think I have a sense of purpose more than a lot of the people.

I believe that our purpose is to understand life itself... actually, not just life, but things that surround us, or even the whole entire universe!

Equilibrium, believe it or not, I have experienced what you are going through. When I first came to America, I was really depressed. I got no friends, no one to talk to... life seemed empty. However, once I got past the "oh, I'm screwed, there is nothing I can do" attitude, opportunities came (that took more than a year).

There are lots of things that one can do in free time, it's just that it is hard to initiate the motivation to do these things.

My advice to those who feel depressed all the time:
1. Analyze your mind and admit that you do have a problem.

2. Force yourself to smile. I heard that smiling trigger some brain mechanism which can help one feel better... it seems to work quite well (at least for me).

2. Get your brains dirty and think! not about how your life sucks or whatever, but think about what you can do! Even though one might be stuck at home alone (like me), one can still learn, and explorer the vast world. Just pick up a book in the library and have fun.