Women are crazy. Interpret this text exchange for me, please

In summary, the conversation revolves around a disagreement between a man and his girlfriend regarding breakfast plans. The man declines her offer to cook breakfast, leading to her feeling upset and him feeling like he did nothing wrong. The man seeks opinions from others, including his sister and a class textbook, on the situation and the idea of women being indirect and passive. The conversation concludes with opinions on the behavior and expectations of men and women in relationships.
  • #1
Jack21222
212
1
Alright, so my girlfriend and I are planning to go to the Renaissance Fair tomorrow morning. I'd leave my house around 8:30 and pick her up at 9. She offered to cook me breakfast tomorrow morning before we leave, but I declined, since I'd already be waking up at 8am as it is, and I don't want to wake up even earlier.

Anyway, now she's mad at me. I feel as if I did nothing wrong, and she's just being crazy. She probably feels as if I'm being an unreasonable jerk, and that she did nothing wrong.

So, am I a jerk, or is she crazy? Here is the exact text message exchange:

Her: Let me know about breakfast cause I'll need to take stuff out of the freezer tonight

Me: I'll pass on breakfast. Thanks anyway

Her: Thanks a lot I won't offer anything ever again

Me: ?

Her: ?

Me: I don't understand why you're mad. You can still eat breakfast.

Her: I'm not mad. That is not the point I know I can eat breakfast. I find it rude if someone is doing something nice for you to say no thanks I'll pass. Like I said, I won't offer

Me: I didn't know I didn't have a choice in the matter. If I wasn't allowed to decline breakfast, you should have told me

Her: U always have a choice, u just chose wrong. U can always do what u want. I was being nice.

Me: I just don't feel like waking up an extra hour early so you can be nice. I don't think I chose wrong

Her: Ok ttyl

Please advise.
 
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  • #2
Yah she's F'n crazy. Your hypothesis was right. "U always have a choice, u just chose wrong" is a fantastic example of someone being a passive aggressive jerk. I would never be friends with someone like that.
 
  • #3
She made a nice gesture, to cook/make you breakfast, and you rejected it. She seems to have over-reacted though.

You could have had breakfast with her.

Sometimes, one just has to roll with it.

Maybe there's more to this story.
 
  • #4
Astronuc said:
She made a nice gesture, to cook/make you breakfast, and you rejected it. She seems to have over-reacted though.

You could have had breakfast with her.

Sometimes, one just has to roll with it.

Maybe there's more to this story.

I often do things I don't want to just to make her happy. The other day I rode around with her doing errands, including picking up a TV from Best Buy and carrying it into her house. I didn't particularly want to do that, but she said she wanted my help, so I was happy to do so.

If she had said "Hey, I'd like for you to come over early so I can make you breakfast" I'd probably have said yes. But instead, she said "Do u want to eat breakfast here in the morning before we leave? I have all this breakfast food." That, to me, sounds like a genuine question. I asked my sister, and she said something like "yeah, that wasn't a question, she was telling you to eat breakfast, not asking. That's a woman thing."

Maybe I should ask her to be more clear in the future. I don't like playing guessing games, trying to find hidden meanings behind her every question.
 
  • #5
All woman are crazy, and no matter what you do you're always wrong. Save yourself some time and learn this lesson now.
 
  • #6
Topher925 said:
All woman are crazy, and no matter what you do you're always wrong. Save yourself some time and learn this lesson now.

I've been dating for 10 years, and been with roughly 20 women. You think I'd have learned my lesson by now. I even told this one about my previous crazy girlfriends, and she swore to me that she wasn't crazy. :-p
 
  • #7
Astronuc said:
Maybe there's more to this story.

And if not, women be crazy.

I must disagree though, part of being a mature person is learning that even your generous offers may be rejected and you should be accepting to the idea that maybe there's some reason the person doesn't want to accept it.

I've known people who are weird like this. They are totally unaccepting of your opinions and don't really consider how you might feel about things, but they're always trying to do nice things for you. You would think they would go hand in hand.
 
  • #8
Jack21222 said:
yeah, that wasn't a question, she was telling you to eat breakfast, not asking. That's a woman thing."

See, where do women get off thinking this is acceptable behavior? What if a guy ignored a girls birthday and just went "sorry, it's a guy thing"? I really hate how this kind of non-sense is perpetuated by people. No one would feel that's acceptable unless told by other people that it's acceptable and "what you're suppose to do".
 
  • #9
Pengwuino said:
See, where do women get off thinking this is acceptable behavior? What if a guy ignored a girls birthday and just went "sorry, it's a guy thing"?

There's actually a section of the textbook for my "diversity" gen ed class (Teaching and Learning in a Diverse Society) that deals with this. The text gives the example of a man on a road trip with his wife or girlfriend, when she sees a restaurant and asks "Do you want to stop at this place and eat?" The man responds "No, let's keep going," not realizing that she was actually saying "I'm hungry, please stop here." The woman is then mad for the rest of the drive.

It has something to do with women being raised to not be direct and to be more passive. I'm not sure how much of that I buy, but I guess it makes sense.

I'd like the opinion of a woman on this, if possible.
 
  • #10
Jack21222 said:
There's actually a section of the textbook for my "diversity" gen ed class (Teaching and Learning in a Diverse Society) that deals with this. The text gives the example of a man on a road trip with his wife or girlfriend, when she sees a restaurant and asks "Do you want to stop at this place and eat?" The man responds "No, let's keep going," not realizing that she was actually saying "I'm hungry, please stop here." The woman is then mad for the rest of the drive.

It has something to do with women being raised to not be direct and to be more passive. I'm not sure how much of that I buy, but I guess it makes sense.

I'd like the opinion of a woman on this, if possible.

If I was that woman, I'd be hungry, not mad, and I'd soon learn to ask, I'm hungry, can we stop somewhere to eat?

I think she's wrong to be mad at you. At the same time, now that you know she's going to ask you something when she means for you to agree, just agree next time. Of course, now she'll never know your true opinion and one day she'll be trying to find out what YOU really want and won't be able to because she made you agree with everything she says!
 
  • #11
Jack21222 said:
Alright, so my girlfriend and I are planning to go to the Renaissance Fair tomorrow morning. I'd leave my house around 8:30 and pick her up at 9. She offered to cook me breakfast tomorrow morning before we leave, but I declined, since I'd already be waking up at 8am as it is, and I don't want to wake up even earlier.

Anyway, now she's mad at me. I feel as if I did nothing wrong, and she's just being crazy. She probably feels as if I'm being an unreasonable jerk, and that she did nothing wrong.

So, am I a jerk, or is she crazy? Here is the exact text message exchange:



Please advise.
She's crazy. I mean seriously irrational about this. Does she lose it like this very often? This is what you call a "red flag".

This is not a "woman thing". This is about control, selfishness, and caring only about her feelings. An emotionally normal person would have said, "Ok".
 
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  • #12
Evo said:
She's crazy. I mean seriously irrational about this. Does she lose it like this very often? This is what you call a "red flag".

This is the second time she's done this, and I've only been dating her for 3 months. She apologized after the first time, saying "I don't know what all that was about."

Thanks for the response, Evo.
 
  • #13
Look at it from her side.
She wanted to have breakfast together.
She looked forward to it and assumed you would like it too.
When you said no, she felt disappointed and perhaps a little rejected.
It doesn't really matter why you said no, she would still feel disappointed.
Explaining things rationally has little effect on feelings.

I think she needs to learn not to have too strong expectations.
And I don't think that for you there is really a "right way" to handle it.
Perhaps you could have been a little more diplomatic, considering how she may feel.
It certainly doesn't help to go defensive about it.
 
  • #14
I think to her it was a fantasy of some sorts - a romantic early morning breakfast, with a nice leasurely hand in hand trip to the Renaissance Fair, flavoured with a dinner for two in a cosy restaurant, topped off with wild, passionate ... whatever comes after that... with her favourate man. You just nicked her balloon and it popped and spoiled all the plans in her mind by refusing breakfast, sorry to say. Only reason I can see why she was miffed. She was thinking ahead to what could, should and is going to happen and you weren't. And it was all going to be be spontanious and glorious and dreamable for days and moments to come. She was going to wear that top you like so well, you know the one with the ... to be continued.
 
  • #15
256bits said:
I think to her it was a fantasy of some sorts - a romantic early morning breakfast, with a nice leasurely hand in hand trip to the Renaissance Fair, flavoured with a dinner for two in a cosy restaurant, topped off with wild, passionate ... whatever comes after that... with her favourate man. You just nicked her balloon and it popped and spoiled all the plans in her mind by refusing breakfast, sorry to say. Only reason I can see why she was miffed. She was thinking ahead to what could, should and is going to happen and you weren't. And it was all going to be be spontanious and glorious and dreamable for days and moments to come. She was going to wear that top you like so well, you know the one with the ... to be continued.
When you can't separate fantasy from reality...
 
  • #16
Jack21222 said:
This is the second time she's done this, and I've only been dating her for 3 months. She apologized after the first time, saying "I don't know what all that was about."

Thanks for the response, Evo.
Wow, twice in 3 months? How did she explain a second event?
 
  • #17
Evo said:
When you can't separate fantay from reality...

Whaaaat?
It's nice to live in a fantasy! I do it all the time and I like it.
I like 256bit's story. :smile:
Reality often isn't so nice and will intrude soon enough anyway.
 
  • #18
I like Serena said:
Whaaaat?
It's nice to live in a fantasy! I do it all the time and I like it.
I like 256bit's story. :smile:
Reality often isn't so nice and will intrude soon enough anyway.
I assume you're joking.

When you can't recognize boundaries, when your fantasy is imposed on others, when you can't recognize right from wrong, as this woman apparently can't, it's a problem. Nothing good can come from playing along with someone with these types of personality problems. There are plenty of normal women out there.

Her reaction was way out of bounds and inappropriate.
 
  • #19
Perhaps I'm missing something, but we only have a few short lines of conversation.
She impulsively shows her disappointment.
Nothing has really been said how this works out.

Hopefully at a later time she apologizes (she did the other time).
And he doesn't really have to play along... I think it suffices to show some sympathy for her disappointment.
 
  • #20
I like Serena said:
Perhaps I'm missing something, but we only have a few short lines of conversation.
She impulsively shows her disappointment.
Nothing has really been said how this works out.

Hopefully at a later time she apologizes (she did the other time).
And he doesn't really have to play along... I think it suffices to show some sympathy for her disappointment.
Unless Jack is misrepresenting things, that wasn't disappointment. That was lashing out for an imaginary wrong. There is a big difference. Normal would be, "Ok, but I'd really love to make you breakfast some time".

That woman has a photo album in her closet with the photoshopped images of their future children. That was a movie. How to lose a guy in 10 days, or something.
 
  • #21
Aww, come on, you're all being to hard for that poor girl :smile: OK, what she did was inappropriate and wrong and jack did nothing wrong.

But hey, I guess she was really looking forward to spend a breakfast with her favorite guy. She wanted to express her love for you by doing a nice thing. I can understand why she was hurt by your refusal.

OK, she is a little bit emotionally unstable. But I actually prefer women who are like that. It makes them far more interesting :biggrin:
 
  • #22
micromass said:
OK, she is a little bit emotionally unstable. But I actually prefer women who are like that. It makes them far more interesting :biggrin:

"Interesting" the first few months turns into "I'm going to stab this woman and throw her in a ditch" after a few years and 2 children.
 
  • #23
Evo said:
I assume you're joking.

When you can't recognize boundaries, when your fantasy is imposed on others, when you can't recognize right from wrong, as this woman apparently can't, it's a problem. Nothing good can come from playing along with someone with these types of personality problems. There are plenty of normal women out there.

Her reaction was way out of bounds and inappropriate.



I predict that she dumps him in a week. Usually these thing happen when one is questioning the relationship, and at first glance he did not pass. Its normal behavior to test how your partner ( not necessarily with a partner but in any situation where a political choice is to be made - how else to bring out some semblance of the truth ) will react to a proposal that is vague. A direct request will impose a direct answer, and those answers can be predicted and no further information gained by the response.

In this situation she was letting him alone decide what response was to be given, and it was conveyed so as to have minimal input from her as to what was to be the expected correct response.
Response and expectaion could be YES, yes; YES, no, NO, yes and NO, no. We do not know what she expected or rationalized, and what the implications are.
( Rsponse in capitals and expectaion in lower case )

As mentioned earlier, there is more to the story as it is 3 months into, as Astoinuc pointed out. If it had happened in the first week, yeah she's a bit nutty.
But in 3 months it gets to the point where one will try to feel the other out, to find out what is really down there deep down inside - can the other be trusted for example.

The OP seems to "know" he did wrong but he iincorrectly justifies his behavior by labelling her as "crazy". Just by asking the question if she is crazy or not, puts himself in a better light as being the sane, perfect individual and her as the one with the problem -a useful tactic to sway opinion in his favour, and that is not right on his part.
If she does feel imposed upon when tactic is used on her than I do conclude that yes she is crazy.
 
  • #24
256bits said:
The OP seems to "know" he did wrong but he iincorrectly and justifies his behavior by labelling her as "crazy". Just by asking the question if she is crazy or not, puts himself in a better light as being the sane, perfect individual and her as the one with the problem -a useful tactic to sway opinion in his favour, and that is not right on his part.
If she does feel imposed upon when tactic is used on her than I do conclude that yes she is crazy.

She may not be crazy, but she is intentionally trying to sabotage the relationship even if she doesn't realize it. People who "test" their significant other are usually very insecure and will forever test them until the person fails and they have an excuse to run away from the person.
 
  • #25
Jack21222 said:
There's actually a section of the textbook for my "diversity" gen ed class (Teaching and Learning in a Diverse Society) that deals with this. The text gives the example of a man on a road trip with his wife or girlfriend, when she sees a restaurant and asks "Do you want to stop at this place and eat?" The man responds "No, let's keep going," not realizing that she was actually saying "I'm hungry, please stop here." The woman is then mad for the rest of the drive.

That might have been written about me. In 6 years of dating (now common-law) a very special woman, we have bickered and loved each other like crazy. We get along a lot better when, as another user said, you just roll with it. I think, in general, men are pretty easy going and when given lame-*** propositions like "what do you want to about breakfast?" we immediately answer with a lame-*** answer. That get's us in trouble and no pants parties.

So, to answer your question, She overreacted. You under-reacted. Equal fault? No, you have a dick, so it is your fault.
 
  • #26
Evo said:
Unless Jack is misrepresenting things, that wasn't disappointment. That was lashing out for an imaginary wrong. There is a big difference. Normal would be, "Ok, but I'd really love to make you breakfast some time".

That woman has a photo album in her closet with the photoshopped images of their future children. That was a movie. How to lose a guy in 10 days, or something.

Those were exact quotes from my phone.

The only part I left out was between when she originally asked about breakfast and when she returned to "let me know about breakfast" (the first line in my OP), I asked what she had in mind for breakfast. She told me, and then asked "why?" I responded that what was for breakfast would play into my decision, and that I'd think about it.

Evo said:
Wow, twice in 3 months? How did she explain a second event?

She didn't, really. I just assumed she was tired, it was 1am and I had woken her up so she could go home. She had no intention of staying the night because she had work the next morning. She didn't like that, but apologized the next day for what she said.

256bits said:
I predict that she dumps him in a week. Usually these thing happen when one is questioning the relationship, and at first glance he did not pass. Its normal behavior to test how your partner ( not necessarily with a partner but in any situation where a political choice is to be made - how else to bring out some semblance of the truth ) will react to a proposal that is vague. A direct request will impose a direct answer, and those answers can be predicted and no further information gained by the response.

I guess to me, a relationship isn't about silly tests and games. Maybe back in high school it was, but she's 27 and I'm 28. If she wants to know something, she can ask directly. This cryptic hidden meaning crap is not for me.

Before this gal, I had been on a 3 year break from relationships. I might have to return to that if this keeps up.
 
  • #27
Jack21222 said:
This is the second time she's done this, and I've only been dating her for 3 months. She apologized after the first time, saying "I don't know what all that was about."

[URL]http://growthexpertblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/05-RedFlag.png[/URL]
 
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  • #28
Borek said:
[URL]http://growthexpertblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/05-RedFlag.png
[/URL]

+1. Genius Borek.
 
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  • #29
Personally, I always thought that when women aren't crazy once in a while they're not doing their job right. But I later noticed that that also explains my rather lousy track record. :smile:
 
  • #30
PBechthold said:
So, to answer your question, She overreacted. You under-reacted. Equal fault? No, you have a dick, so it is your fault.

I suppose if one wants to be in a relationship where one is playing a role instead of being oneself that could work out. Personally I'm pretty tired of women who want me to play the role they have scripted for me rather than just liking me for who I am.
 
  • #31
This is going to make for some great chat room convo today
 
  • #32
Jack21222 said:
Alright, so my girlfriend and I are planning to go to the Renaissance Fair tomorrow morning. I'd leave my house around 8:30 and pick her up at 9. She offered to cook me breakfast tomorrow morning before we leave, but I declined, since I'd already be waking up at 8am as it is, and I don't want to wake up even earlier.

Anyway, now she's mad at me. I feel as if I did nothing wrong, and she's just being crazy. She probably feels as if I'm being an unreasonable jerk, and that she did nothing wrong.

So, am I a jerk, or is she crazy? Here is the exact text message exchange:



Please advise.

Breakfast before 9? As you mentioned, it's impossible to get up early enough to get ready to make a half hour drive so you can have breakfast at 8, or even earlier?!

Clearly, she was inviting you to spend the night and the invitation flew completely over your head. Your response was to discuss logistics. Clearly, there's only two possibilities - spending the night with her just isn't worth the trouble or you're so hopelessly inept at the subtle communications of romance that you're just not worth the trouble.

Or at least assuming the breakfast invitation was an invitation to spend the night (even if turned out not to be) would have changed the tone of the conversation and kept you out of trouble.
 
  • #33
Evo said:
This is not a "woman thing". This is about control, selfishness, and caring only about her feelings. An emotionally normal person would have said, "Ok".
Yeah, it's important to be aware that unstable guys often do the same thing. They'll offer to fix a girl's car, or the squeaky hinge on her door, etc. in order to get the girl feeling obligated. If a guy gets insistent or pushy when you refuse an offer of help: red flag.
 
  • #34
letting what she was planning for breakfast play into your decision does go against etiquette. If someone invited you for dinner, would you respond, "I'll come if I like what you're making"? So that part, at least probably wasn't your best manners. You should have stuck with the "it's too early" excuse.
 
  • #35
ArcanaNoir said:
letting what she was planning for breakfast play into your decision does go against etiquette. If someone invited you for dinner, would you respond, "I'll come if I like what you're making"?

Yes, I absolutely would, and often have. I don't think it's poor etiquette to ask what I'll be eating before deciding whether to go. Surely it would be MUCH WORSE etiquette to accept the invitation, and then refuse to eat because I don't like what they made.

About an hour passed between when she told me what she was making (which I do generally like) and when the quoted conversation in the OP took place. The logistics were the only thing that played into my decision once I had time to think about it.

Anyway, I just texted her to make sure we'll still going. I'm leaving in 10 minutes if so, and I'm still not dressed yet.
 
<h2>1. Why do people say "women are crazy"?</h2><p>This phrase is often used as a stereotype or generalization about women's behavior. It is based on societal expectations and gender roles that have historically portrayed women as overly emotional or irrational.</p><h2>2. Is it true that all women are crazy?</h2><p>No, this statement is not true. It is important to recognize that everyone, regardless of gender, has different emotions and reactions to situations. It is unfair and inaccurate to label an entire group of people as "crazy."</p><h2>3. How should I interpret this text exchange that includes the phrase "women are crazy"?</h2><p>The interpretation of this text exchange may vary depending on the context and tone of the conversation. It is important to consider the intent behind the use of this phrase and to avoid perpetuating harmful stereotypes.</p><h2>4. Why is it harmful to use the phrase "women are crazy"?</h2><p>Using this phrase reinforces negative stereotypes and can contribute to discrimination and unequal treatment of women. It also dismisses the individual experiences and emotions of women and undermines their credibility.</p><h2>5. What are some alternative ways to express frustration or confusion instead of saying "women are crazy"?</h2><p>Instead of using harmful stereotypes, it is important to communicate clearly and directly about your feelings and concerns. Using statements like "I am feeling frustrated" or "I don't understand" can help to avoid perpetuating harmful language and attitudes.</p>

1. Why do people say "women are crazy"?

This phrase is often used as a stereotype or generalization about women's behavior. It is based on societal expectations and gender roles that have historically portrayed women as overly emotional or irrational.

2. Is it true that all women are crazy?

No, this statement is not true. It is important to recognize that everyone, regardless of gender, has different emotions and reactions to situations. It is unfair and inaccurate to label an entire group of people as "crazy."

3. How should I interpret this text exchange that includes the phrase "women are crazy"?

The interpretation of this text exchange may vary depending on the context and tone of the conversation. It is important to consider the intent behind the use of this phrase and to avoid perpetuating harmful stereotypes.

4. Why is it harmful to use the phrase "women are crazy"?

Using this phrase reinforces negative stereotypes and can contribute to discrimination and unequal treatment of women. It also dismisses the individual experiences and emotions of women and undermines their credibility.

5. What are some alternative ways to express frustration or confusion instead of saying "women are crazy"?

Instead of using harmful stereotypes, it is important to communicate clearly and directly about your feelings and concerns. Using statements like "I am feeling frustrated" or "I don't understand" can help to avoid perpetuating harmful language and attitudes.

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