- #36
turbo
Gold Member
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I'll have what she's having.
turbo-1 said:Never lose a good friend through gamesmanship. If it is meant to be (she becomes a GF) it will happen. Hang out, find more reasons to find time together, etc, but NO pressure. It can take a long time before a friend realizes that you are more than a buddy, and becomes attracted to you romantically.
Women are natural-born matchmakers. If they are not romantically interested in you, but they love you as a friend and respect your personal qualities, they will eventually recommend you to a friend and throw you together. Beware! Some of these hook-ups will be designed to benefit one person more than another, so you should wade in carefully. Still, it's nice to have both males and females as close friends - you'll figure this out eventually.
Ask her for advice. Tell her that your 'in love' with a girl, but are worried or afraid to tell her for fear she might not feel the same way. Ask her what her reaction might be if she was the women in that situation. One could even ask what she thinks of your chances of having a girl friend. Keeping it in the third person provides less tension.kexue said:I'm one of her best friends, she tells me about her boyfriends, her problems, everything, She text-messages me almost everyday. We hang out together at her place, cook together, watch dvds. I make her laugh, comfort her when she is down, whole program. I'm not ugly, either. But still we are just friends. It sucks.
She is very cute, she constantly has men chasing after her. She also has the problem becoming friendly with men since they rather would turn her into their girlfriend than becoming friends.
So just telling her, I think would not do. She sees me 100 percent as her friend.
So what to do? How can I get out of the friendship zone?
If I was the girl in this situation and the guy told me that he was in love with sonmeone else, if there was any hope that I might likie him, that would kill any chance he had with me. Not to mention if we were friends, I'd wonder who the heck this girl was that I'd nebver heard of.Astronuc said:Ask her for advice. Tell her that your 'in love' with a girl, but are worried or afraid to tell her for fear she might not feel the same way. Ask her what her reaction might be if she was the women in that situation. One could even ask what she thinks of your chances of having a girl friend. Keeping it in the third person provides less tension.
I didn't say someone else. I wrote 'a girl'. I was suggesting that the discussion be hypothetical.Evo said:If I was the girl in this situation and the guy told me that he was in love with someone else, if there was any hope that I might like him, that would kill any chance he had with me. Not to mention if we were friends, I'd wonder who the heck this girl was that I'd never heard of.
You should never lie to anyone, it's likely to back fire.
That could turn out disastrous if she's not interested.Moonbear said:I like Astronuc's approach. The really fun part of it is if she starts gushing about all your good qualities and tries to reassure you by explaining why you're such a good catch, then all you need to do is follow up with, "What if that girl is you?".
Evo said:That could turn out disastrous if she's not interested.
I've been there. I've had male friends that I wasn't interested in let me know they were interested, and it made me feel so weird that I ended up avoiding them.
The only time it worked out was where we weren't really friends, we were always interested in each other but never got around to saying anything for a long time. But we were never "pals" and we never told each other about relationships, etc...
junglebeast said:Since you are not dating there's not much you can do to make her start looking at you in a romantic way at this point. I think this actually narrows your options to the point of simplicity: wait until the next time you are hanging out late at night, watching a movie, just the two of you, a bit tipsy...and just steal yourself a kiss. Then see what she does. She may very well kiss you back. If she doesn't, then she doesn't have any romantic interest in you, and she'll let you know that..and it shouldn't damage your friendship -- the only way it would damage your friendship is if you start acting awkward and sullen after she turns you down.
Wax said:Who me? I get plenty of women! It's an amateur move when you straight out say, "I love you" when you're not even in a relationship. It can sometimes be viewed as creepy.
binzing said:I'm sorry but I completely disagree with you on just about all of the points you've made, especially this one. If you truly do love someone then there is no sense in denying it, even if it ends up causing more pain then good.
binzing said:I'm sorry but I completely disagree with you on just about all of the points you've made, especially this one. If you truly do love someone then there is no sense in denying it, even if it ends up causing more pain then good.
Evo said:That could turn out disastrous if she's not interested.
I've been there. I've had male friends that I wasn't interested in let me know they were interested, and it made me feel so weird that I ended up avoiding them.
Tell me this, how many of the users on these forums tells a potential significant other that they LOVE them before the first kiss?
You might want to hold the presses, because I was out of college by the time I met him. I assume that you are not past that age yet to understand how mature relationships develop, and that they don't include this nonsense of not telling people what you want or feel.Wax said:I'm assuming your first kiss with him happened either in high school or college right? Asking for a kiss only works on that age group. Anyway, he didn't tell you that he loved you on the first date because that would have been creepy. Asking for a kiss on an official date works well but I'm not so sure about friends just hanging out. You can try it though.
I should write a book about this stuff.:rofl:
I too think it's silly and a waste of time to 'play games'. I agree that if the OP is attracted to this woman, then he needs to ask and find out. She may not be interested at the moment (or ever) and so the OP should find that out, and perhaps look for other relationships.Moonbear said:Frankly, I think it's stupid and a waste of time to dance around the issue. If he's attracted to her, he needs to ask and find out. I really just don't understand the idea of avoiding dating friends...so, you should only date strangers and people you wouldn't be friends with? This is probably how people end up in screwed up relationships that lead to divorce if they somehow think that friends aren't the people you should date. Dating within one's circle of friends seems perfectly reasonable to me.
Astronuc said:I too think it's silly and a waste of time to 'play games'. I agree that if the OP is attracted to this woman, then he needs to ask and find out. She may not be interested at the moment (or ever) and so the OP should find that out, and perhaps look for other relationships.
Most of the girls I dated in university were more or less friends, i.e. we had gotten to know each other over some period of time. And the dating didn't immediately imply a closed, exclusive relationship.
My parents (now married almost 53 years) were friends before they became serious. They were engaged for 6-7 years (so they've been together for ~60 yrs) and would have gotten married if the university had had living quarters for married students.
I think the two types of "dating" coexist as they always have, but one is significantly more ostentatious.Now a days I think 'dating' typically means something else in most places. I've heard of women/girls going out on dates with men because they just like to spend time with them but have never met one of my own generation or younger who did this. It seems dating is typically seen as being reserved for sexual prospects so women tend to be pickier about who they date and only want to go out with men they intend to possibly sleep with. In this case a closed relationship is preferable. The only women I have met (of my age range and younger) that dated men that they did not have any intention of sleeping with were women who were using these guys to get things.
I agree. Back in university, there were women who dated in the traditional manner like my parents, in which the date was just a means of spending time with someone and getting to know them better. Then there were the girls, who just used the date to get something from the guy, and maybe sleep with them.Mk said:I think the two types of "dating" coexist as they always have, but one is significantly more ostentatious.
I somewhat agree with this, although I think asking for a date could be construed as getting romantically involved, and the perhaps the girl in question may or may not be interested.So I would say that it is likely best to approach a relationship as friends and see what happens. Go out places and do things as friends. Generally if and when a woman is interested in you she will make it fairly clear. Asking for a date though may well be seen to be virtually the same thing as asking a woman to have sex with you and a woman who is unsure of her interest may well be turned away by it.
kexue said:Turning a friend into a girlfriend
Most normal people know the difference between liking someone as a friend and being attracted to them romantically. There *is* a difference. :uhh:Moonbear said:I think you would be the only woman I've ever heard of who avoided friends because they were attracted to them. Why the heck were you friends with them in the first place if you didn't like them?
JamieDarville said:nothing special about this broad, she thinks of you as a friend forget about her and find someone new.
If you try and kiss her or tell her you love her, she will probably think you're a creep and never talk to you again.
All the time you waste talking with her and being her buddy you could be spending with other women.
Moonbear said:You might want to hold the presses, because I was out of college by the time I met him. I assume that you are not past that age yet to understand how mature relationships develop, and that they don't include this nonsense of not telling people what you want or feel.
I don't even know why you're talking about saying "I love you" on a first date. Who the heck is even talking about that here besides you? This thread isn't about two people dating who are strangers to each other, it is about two people who have already established a great friendship and at least one would like to move it a step further. It would not be creepy or unusual for them to already love each other in this circumstance. Indeed, it might be the feelings of love prompting the OP to want to take that next step. It's a whole different situation than a first date with someone you have only recently met.
Wax said:Saying, "I LOVE YOU" when the other person has no feelings for you is exactly the wrong move and it will ruin the friendship FOREVER and it can be creepy...
Tell me this, how many of the users on these forums tells a potential significant other that they LOVE them before the first kiss?
TheStatutoryApe said:I am not sure where the OP lives but here in the US you could potentially wind up in jail this way. Having sex with a woman while she is intoxicated is called 'Date Rape'. Being a guy who has had a crush on the woman for a long time but only been friends and now having your first romantic encounter with her after you have gotten her intoxicated is going to look really bad.
You're right. Snogging while intoxicated never goes any further than that.junglebeast said:Hahahaha...what are you smoking? I never suggested date rape, and if you think that kissing someone while intoxicated is date rape...wow.
TheStatutoryApe said:You're right. Snogging while intoxicated never goes any further than that.
junglebeast said:Oh good point. Actually, men should just avoid being in the presence of women altogether...because that might lead to an uncontrollable urge to rape them!
TheStatutoryApe said:I am not sure where the OP lives but here in the US you could potentially wind up in jail this way. Having sex with a woman while she is intoxicated is called 'Date Rape'. Being a guy who has had a crush on the woman for a long time but only been friends and now having your first romantic encounter with her after you have gotten her intoxicated is going to look really bad.