Does the Man Always Have to Pay for the First Date?

  • Thread starter GladScientist
  • Start date
In summary: Generally the male is expected to pay. If she brings up paying she will likely be expecting you to tell her not to worry about it. If she is insistent then acquiesce. This is just from my experience. Women that I have dated and been friends with have rarely expressed a problem with men paying and have frequently expressed issues with men not paying. One of my exes even said that she had in the past brought female friends with her on dates to see if her date would pay for them as well. They got a failing grade if they did not. I had another ex who said that was just ridiculous and she would not expect such a thing from me, then
  • #36
I ended up living with a young woman (older-than-me college student who was a lifeguard with a baby-face) because on our first "date" she introduced herself at a bar under a motel on a very snowy night, and asked "If I buy you a drink, can I sit with you?" What a pick-up line! I had waded up there for a beer or two, just to get out of the house, and when she came in, I couldn't stop looking at her. I'm glad she broke the ice. I was not in a good place emotionally at the time.
 
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  • #37
Ignore most of this thread. Here are the bare facts.

Pay if you want to ever date her again.

If she insists on paying it means she doesn't care to see you again.
 
  • #38
Antiphon said:
facts.

:rofl:

You are such a joker.
 
  • #39
Antiphon said:
Ignore most of this thread. Here are the bare facts.

Pay if you want to ever date her again.

If she insists on paying it means she doesn't care to see you again.

Damn, looks like I'll be single forever...
 
  • #40
Just get the check when she uses the restroom or something. That saves that whole awkward "Oh no, please allow me, oh no I insist" moment. If the date goes sour, you might give her the opportunity to pay if she wants, but never ask regardless of how it turns out. Realistically, just plan on paying for dinner whenever you go on a date. When you're comfortable enough with someone and it becomes a mutually exclusive thing, then I would expect her to at least offer occasionally.
 
  • #41
Its cute when the guy pays like on a first date when you don't know each other very well - its all chivalrous and shows the guy wants to be nice! Makes girls feel special. But it depends how you do it - if I get the feeling that this guy ALWAYS wants to pay, then I might start thinking he has some control issues...
 
  • #42
nucleargirl said:
Its cute when the guy pays like on a first date when you don't know each other very well - its all chivalrous and shows the guy wants to be nice! Makes girls feel special.

When's it my turn to feel special? :frown:
 
  • #43
Drakkith said:
When's it my turn to feel special? :frown:

Oh, you'll get your turn.

That's why you insist on paying for dinner. :devil:
 
  • #44
I'm kind of rusty on this so I asked my wife. The first thing she wants to know is who is this dame I'm going out on a first date with. No, no say I. With you, a date with you. She released me and said it depends on whether I want steak or hamburger.
 
  • #45
You ask, you pay. Most of the time I'll pay even if I didn't ask for the date though, that is, if it was a good date. If not, I am only paying my fair share (considering I didn't ask).
 
  • #46
Jimmy Snyder said:
I'm kind of rusty on this so I asked my wife. The first thing she wants to know is who is this dame I'm going out on a first date with. No, no say I. With you, a date with you. She released me and said it depends on whether I want steak or hamburger.

That's pretty much how it worked when I first started dating my boyfriend. Then again, on our first date, we kept it simple by letting the bride and groom pay (we met at a wedding). By the time we went out just the two of us, I think we were on a third or fourth date. But back then, I was a starving grad student and he had a paying job, so if we went out for pizza or sandwiches, I'd pay, but if he wanted a bigger meal, he had to pay. I never asked to go out for fancy meals, and was happy to cook at home with him, so those fancy meals were his choice.
 
  • #47
Drakkith said:
When's it my turn to feel special? :frown:

:) you feel special when you go to pick her up and she's all dressed up and happy to see you!
 
  • #48
GladScientist said:
I'm very inexperienced with dating. I'm going out tomorrow with a girl I met recently. I plan on paying for everything, but if she offers to pay, should I disagree with her and say that I will pay it? Or should I let her pay for it if she offers?

I don't think it matters that much, but I want to avoid giving off the wrong signs (whatever they may be).

You could offer to pay within sensible limits if its a date. What is sensible is up to you. If she offers, then let her. Just don't have any expectations because you paid. Its sometimes the cost of a chance.

Paying for her friend as someone mentioned? No. This type of expectation will only come to frustrate you, and sour any potential relationship that could form. Trust me.
 
  • #49
my advice is, if she offers to pay: say "how about i get this one, and you get the next one?" two dates are better than one.
 
  • #50
Deveno said:
my advice is, if she offers to pay: say "how about i get this one, and you get the next one?" two dates are better than one.

Only do that if the date goes well. :biggrin: Hey! Wait a minute! I think that's how my boyfriend phrased it. :grumpy: Well, considering our first date was about 16 years ago and we're still madly in love (I'm still an advocate of not letting marriage ruin a perfectly good relationship), that seems like sound advice to me.
 
  • #51
Deveno said:
my advice is, if she offers to pay: say "how about i get this one, and you get the next one?" two dates are better than one.

That's actually very clever. Turns an awkward moment about paying into an opportunity for a next date.
 
<h2>1. Does the man always have to pay for the first date?</h2><p>There is no definitive answer to this question as it depends on individual preferences and cultural norms. Some people believe that the person who initiated the date should pay, while others believe in splitting the bill. It is important for both parties to discuss and come to a mutual agreement before the date.</p><h2>2. What are the reasons for the tradition of men paying for the first date?</h2><p>This tradition dates back to a time when men were considered the primary breadwinners and were expected to provide for their dates. It was also seen as a gesture of chivalry and a way for men to show their interest and commitment to the woman.</p><h2>3. Is it fair for men to always have to pay for the first date?</h2><p>Fairness is subjective and can vary based on individual beliefs and values. Some may argue that it is unfair for men to have to bear the financial burden of dating, while others may see it as a way to uphold traditional gender roles. Ultimately, it is up to the individuals involved to decide what they are comfortable with.</p><h2>4. What are some alternatives to the traditional expectation of men paying for the first date?</h2><p>Some alternatives include splitting the bill, taking turns paying for dates, or finding more affordable date options. It is also important to have open and honest communication about financial expectations before the date to avoid any misunderstandings.</p><h2>5. Does the expectation for men to pay for the first date still exist in modern dating?</h2><p>While it may still be the norm in some cultures and social circles, the expectation for men to pay for the first date is slowly evolving. With more women being financially independent and the rise of gender equality, it is becoming more common for couples to split the bill or take turns paying for dates.</p>

1. Does the man always have to pay for the first date?

There is no definitive answer to this question as it depends on individual preferences and cultural norms. Some people believe that the person who initiated the date should pay, while others believe in splitting the bill. It is important for both parties to discuss and come to a mutual agreement before the date.

2. What are the reasons for the tradition of men paying for the first date?

This tradition dates back to a time when men were considered the primary breadwinners and were expected to provide for their dates. It was also seen as a gesture of chivalry and a way for men to show their interest and commitment to the woman.

3. Is it fair for men to always have to pay for the first date?

Fairness is subjective and can vary based on individual beliefs and values. Some may argue that it is unfair for men to have to bear the financial burden of dating, while others may see it as a way to uphold traditional gender roles. Ultimately, it is up to the individuals involved to decide what they are comfortable with.

4. What are some alternatives to the traditional expectation of men paying for the first date?

Some alternatives include splitting the bill, taking turns paying for dates, or finding more affordable date options. It is also important to have open and honest communication about financial expectations before the date to avoid any misunderstandings.

5. Does the expectation for men to pay for the first date still exist in modern dating?

While it may still be the norm in some cultures and social circles, the expectation for men to pay for the first date is slowly evolving. With more women being financially independent and the rise of gender equality, it is becoming more common for couples to split the bill or take turns paying for dates.

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