How should I deal with my laziness, aversion to challenge & overall stupidity

[ravkes]

This really doesn't have anything to do with what most of you are familiar with, but I'd probably peg you guys above average in intelligence relative to other forums so I thought I'd give it a shot.

I had a pretty good GPA and above average SAT scores coming out of high school that enabled me to get into a college that's ranked in the top 50 in the nation.

However, for the past 4 years of my college career I've avoided challenges and picked laziness over schoolwork. This motivated me to pick the easy major, business, after almost failing out when I majored in industrial engineering. However even after this switch I still choose to cheat on a lot of my exams, I don't do any homework, I barely go to classes and I get super low grades. Consequently, now I have 1 year left and I constantly feel uneasy because I know I'm not prepared for life since I haven't learned anything marketable.

I'm lucky to still be here with my 1.93 GPA but whenever I try to study I feel lazy and a great deal of fear and anxiety overwhelms me.

I believe this is a habit that I've had since probably 2nd grade when I had trouble with subtraction. I wasn't able to keep up with the other kids and my teacher didn't help me. Because of this, I gravitated towards to the easier liberal artsy type subjects. However, choosing to attend a school that's comprised of engineers led me to come face to face with the reality that the subjects that I mastered (History, English, Languages) really didn't make me an intelligent person. In fact, disliking and consequently not working hard in my math and science classes over my entire life has left me at a massive disadvantage.

There is a little bit of hope though, I can still get a concentration in either accounting or finance with my remaining credits. However, this is going to require a massive overhaul of deep seeded habits, insecurity and general lack of quantitative thinking processes and experience.

What do you suggest I do to overcome my laziness, fear, anxiety and low self-confidence in terms of academics, intelligence and learning in general? I really want to work towards financial freedom and I know I need to increase my intelligence to do so, because my current habits aren't getting me anywhere.

Thanks.

 

[KingNothing]

My personal opinion is that the fact you were able to get by in that manner, is what has enabled you to continue in that manner. I think you will need to put yourself in a situation where it's absolutely necessary to have a strong work ethic.

The military is one such example - there are millions of young men who enter as lazy and immature fools, and exit as disciplined, hard working gentlemen. Obviously the commitment is nothing to take lightly.

 

[S_Happens]

Nothing. The world needs people to fill those low paying, low desirable jobs.

The real world is a lot tougher and scarier than any class or test. Grow up now or be forced to later.

 

[Darken-Sol]

how do you do on tests? I'm was the same way in school but i would ace tests. i never did home work. are you retaining any knowledge? it may be that you'll find you learned everything just fine but won't make sense of it till you apply it. i can't remember most of my math classes or teachers but my math o.t.j. is excellent.

 

[Ryumast3r]

I deal with my laziness in the following fashion:

I remind myself that my parents are going broke just to afford my college education at all... even going to a community college would put them through a lot of trouble, but instead they put me into a relatively good uni. I remind myself that if I don't do well in college/uni I will end up as one of those homeless guys on the corner, or in a very low-paying job doing something that I don't enjoy doing. On top of that, I would be putting my parents through all that trouble for nothing, instead of taking care of them like I want to.

I work hard because I know what I want to do, I know what I like to do, I found a way to combine them, and then I constantly remind myself that if I don't work hard at getting what I want, I'll never get it and will end up not being able to do what I want later in life.

Don't squander your chances... that's just selfish and stupid.

 

[narrator]

How should I deal with my laziness, aversion to challenge & overall stupidity

Hi Ravkes, you sound young enough to still get a good handle on this. When I was 22-ish (~1979), I went to the psych prof at the college where I studied, asking much the same question. He thought I was just making excuses for my laziness. I should have pushed for more help, but I let it continue for many years.

Don't let your early brush with math decide your ability. In yr 10, I got 23%. After high school, I worked for 3 years, then went back to college to study engineering and came top of the class in math, loving the calculus. But continued to suffer the same laziness you describe, the anxiety, lack of vitality and lack of self-belief.

I also thought I was generally unintelligent. About 40, I was tested for an employment application. That and subsequent tests elsewhere showed I have a high IQ (~137), something I found difficult to accept. The affects of my earlier low self-esteem still dog me today, through the habits of my younger years. And learning that I was intelligent didn't help my motivation any.

A couple of years ago I discovered I have anhedonia (look it up), which is the inability to feel pleasure, even from the things you generally enjoy. It's a debilitating thing. Looking back, I realized I've had it almost all my life. I'm not saying you have it, but there's a lot more to laziness than just thinking someone is lazy. I'm guessing you also find it difficult to be motivated to do even the things you love.

Pep-talks, exercise regimes, guilt trips and "duty" are all band-aids that don't deal with the actual problem. Some people are so incredibly motivated. I feel like the opposite of such people. Guilt and duty can help, but in some ways they only seem to make things worse. The motivation has to come from within. And that ain't easy.

I've thought of hypnotherapy, targeting my motivation and vitality. My psychologist has helped with some meditation ideas and they seem to work well. The brain builds barriers to things it wants to avoid. Even if we're fully aware, it's still like being caught in thick mud, and you just can't move. The more you think about either the thing you're avoiding, or the act of avoiding, the worse it becomes. Better to take the power out of it by giving it less attention. Meditation has helped me with this. It's no quick fix, which is why I'm considering the hypnotherapy.

Hope that helps some.

 

[nucleargirl]

I started dealing with my laziness when I realized that being lazy makes me very unhappy.
I might enjoy the laziness at the moment, but afterwards I feel really bad that I had wasted my time and the bad feeling greatly outweighs the good.
You might think you have lots of time to waste, but really you dont. We are all going to die! sooner than you think. With each year I notice how much faster time passes for me, and I get scared knowing it is just going to pass faster.
There must be lots of things you want out of life. the sooner you start doing them, the more enjoyment you will get out of life.
oh and I read the book: Your erroneous zones by Wayne Dyer. http://www.amazon.com/dp/0751504556/?tag=pfamazon01-20

 

[narrator]

somehow this post ended up in the wrong thread.. lol sry

 

[HeLiXe]

I really want to work towards financial freedom and I know I need to increase my intelligence to do so, because my current habits aren't getting me anywhere.

Hello Ravkes,
I read your entire post but this really stood out to me. Intelligence is not totally a tool to help you gain financial freedom. There are many people who have low to moderate intelligence, but are getting paid very well. I think your habits have a greater probability of preventing you to work towards financial freedom. Maybe you should consider changing your current habits more than increasing your intelligence if you want to gain financial freedom. Could it be that your idealization of intelligence contributes to your laziness? i.e. "If I was more intelligent I would not have to do all of this" or "If I was more intelligent, I could do this so quickly."

 

[chiro]

This really doesn't have anything to do with what most of you are familiar with, but I'd probably peg you guys above average in intelligence relative to other forums so I thought I'd give it a shot.

I had a pretty good GPA and above average SAT scores coming out of high school that enabled me to get into a college that's ranked in the top 50 in the nation.

However, for the past 4 years of my college career I've avoided challenges and picked laziness over schoolwork. This motivated me to pick the easy major, business, after almost failing out when I majored in industrial engineering. However even after this switch I still choose to cheat on a lot of my exams, I don't do any homework, I barely go to classes and I get super low grades. Consequently, now I have 1 year left and I constantly feel uneasy because I know I'm not prepared for life since I haven't learned anything marketable.

I'm lucky to still be here with my 1.93 GPA but whenever I try to study I feel lazy and a great deal of fear and anxiety overwhelms me.

I believe this is a habit that I've had since probably 2nd grade when I had trouble with subtraction. I wasn't able to keep up with the other kids and my teacher didn't help me. Because of this, I gravitated towards to the easier liberal artsy type subjects. However, choosing to attend a school that's comprised of engineers led me to come face to face with the reality that the subjects that I mastered (History, English, Languages) really didn't make me an intelligent person. In fact, disliking and consequently not working hard in my math and science classes over my entire life has left me at a massive disadvantage.

There is a little bit of hope though, I can still get a concentration in either accounting or finance with my remaining credits. However, this is going to require a massive overhaul of deep seeded habits, insecurity and general lack of quantitative thinking processes and experience.

What do you suggest I do to overcome my laziness, fear, anxiety and low self-confidence in terms of academics, intelligence and learning in general? I really want to work towards financial freedom and I know I need to increase my intelligence to do so, because my current habits aren't getting me anywhere.

Thanks.

Hey there revkas.

As for as fear goes, you need to accept the fact that if you want to do things that are hard and that potentially are rewarding (be it financially, intellectually, spiritually, whatever), then you need to face the fact that failure is part of the process. Anything worth pursuing for most people will involve failure. Its part of life and helps you become tougher mentally.

The real challenge though is how you handle failure. I would stress in no matter what kind of thing you do, how you handle failure is what matters the most. The people that take the hit of their failure, do a postmortem (even if its in their head), and move forward with a positive attitude will go a lot farther than someone who faces failure and goes into a fetal position.

Also other points have been said about the real world. I'm sure other people here might have experiences working really really crappy job. I've been there and I have to constantly remind myself of what its like out there working in factories, abattoirs, and similar places. It really helps you have a bit of perspective for these sort of things.

One thing I can say though is that once you deal with the idea of failure I mentioned above, find like-minded people. A lot of people get through things, including an entire degree like say engineering, by being in a group with a good dynamic. You find a great group and you bounce things of one another, correct misconceptions of content with one another, and create an enjoyable environment that makes your learning a little more enjoyable.

For me at least, one of the best lessons I learned was that no-one knows everything (or even anything in hindsight), and that it is ok to fail. The attitude is the most important thing for any kind of personal development there is.

 

[Discord7]

Relax! Run for a home in congress or the senate.

 

[ideasrule]

I believe this is a habit that I've had since probably 2nd grade when I had trouble with subtraction.

If you keep on blaming the past, you'll never get the motivation that you're looking for. Whatever happened in the past is irrelevant--you can't change it, and worrying about it is useless unless you invent a time machine. Everybody, including you, can change their habits tomorrow; the only question is how desperately they want to change their habits.

Try these tips: when studying, go to the library with a realistic goal in mind and force yourself to stay there until you finish. Don't bring your phone, and don't bring your computer unless absolutely necessary. If you need it for work, block every website that you usually visit to procrastinate. In the courses that you're not doing well in, ask the professors for advice; in a top 50 school, most professors should have experience dealing with this and, rather than being condescending, will try to help you.

 

[physics girl phd]

...I have 1 year left...with my 1.93 GPA...

Will your institution even reward you a degree with this? Most programs I found at our university required a 2.0 GPA overall, and AT LEAST a 2.0 GPA in the major, if note higher!

 

[ravkes]

My personal opinion is that the fact you were able to get by in that manner, is what has enabled you to continue in that manner. I think you will need to put yourself in a situation where it's absolutely necessary to have a strong work ethic.

The military is one such example - there are millions of young men who enter as lazy and immature fools, and exit as disciplined, hard working gentlemen. Obviously the commitment is nothing to take lightly.

The military doesn't interest me. I have shown a strong work ethic in some aspects, I have a seasonal job that I work very hard at; probably because I like money. Thanks for your advice though!

 

[ravkes]

I deal with my laziness in the following fashion:

I remind myself that my parents are going broke just to afford my college education at all... even going to a community college would put them through a lot of trouble, but instead they put me into a relatively good uni. I remind myself that if I don't do well in college/uni I will end up as one of those homeless guys on the corner, or in a very low-paying job doing something that I don't enjoy doing. On top of that, I would be putting my parents through all that trouble for nothing, instead of taking care of them like I want to.

I work hard because I know what I want to do, I know what I like to do, I found a way to combine them, and then I constantly remind myself that if I don't work hard at getting what I want, I'll never get it and will end up not being able to do what I want later in life.

Don't squander your chances... that's just selfish and stupid.

Fair enough, I mean I pay for my own tuition so I'm being really stupid because I'm pissing away my money. I don't think I'll be homeless lol, but I suppose I would limit myself to a certain number of opportunities when I do graduate. I would also like to take care of my parents. You're 100% right it's pretty selfish and stupid. I started changing my habits a little bit yesterday, I studied for my final for about 30 mins to an hr and I surprisingly retained almost all of the information! We'll see how it ends up. I doubt myself too much without even trying.

 

[ravkes]

Hi Ravkes, you sound young enough to still get a good handle on this. When I was 22-ish (~1979), I went to the psych prof at the college where I studied, asking much the same question. He thought I was just making excuses for my laziness. I should have pushed for more help, but I let it continue for many years.

Don't let your early brush with math decide your ability. In yr 10, I got 23%. After high school, I worked for 3 years, then went back to college to study engineering and came top of the class in math, loving the calculus. But continued to suffer the same laziness you describe, the anxiety, lack of vitality and lack of self-belief.

I also thought I was generally unintelligent. About 40, I was tested for an employment application. That and subsequent tests elsewhere showed I have a high IQ (~137), something I found difficult to accept. The affects of my earlier low self-esteem still dog me today, through the habits of my younger years. And learning that I was intelligent didn't help my motivation any.

A couple of years ago I discovered I have anhedonia (look it up), which is the inability to feel pleasure, even from the things you generally enjoy. It's a debilitating thing. Looking back, I realized I've had it almost all my life. I'm not saying you have it, but there's a lot more to laziness than just thinking someone is lazy. I'm guessing you also find it difficult to be motivated to do even the things you love.

Pep-talks, exercise regimes, guilt trips and "duty" are all band-aids that don't deal with the actual problem. Some people are so incredibly motivated. I feel like the opposite of such people. Guilt and duty can help, but in some ways they only seem to make things worse. The motivation has to come from within. And that ain't easy.

I've thought of hypnotherapy, targeting my motivation and vitality. My psychologist has helped with some meditation ideas and they seem to work well. The brain builds barriers to things it wants to avoid. Even if we're fully aware, it's still like being caught in thick mud, and you just can't move. The more you think about either the thing you're avoiding, or the act of avoiding, the worse it becomes. Better to take the power out of it by giving it less attention. Meditation has helped me with this. It's no quick fix, which is why I'm considering the hypnotherapy.

Hope that helps some.

In response to the math thing, yeah I'm beginning to do math just for the fun of it now. Khan academy is pretty awesome

I don't think I have that disorder. I have done mindfulness meditation which has helped focus my mind. But really I think the most important part is just getting off my butt and doing stuff. I moved back home and started commuting to college. This combined with my lack of self-confidence sort of ruined my social skills. I'm now starting to get back into it all. Thanks for the advice though, it may be somewhat related to what you have.. but hey I still love having sex with my girlfriend, messing around with friends, doing stupid stuff etc.

I don't think I'm lacking in the pleasure dept. lol.. Emotions are pretty normal, I just focus too much and create something out of nothing.. all that drama crap.. when in reality, I just found out that hey.. I'm lazy.. which leads to apathy/depressive states also because I'm far away from friends and social activity.. etc etc. just normal stuff lol nowadays these pharma companies want to diagnose everything, the psychologists and pharma companies make a pretty penny off people who are simply just confused lol

 

[ravkes]

I started dealing with my laziness when I realized that being lazy makes me very unhappy.
I might enjoy the laziness at the moment, but afterwards I feel really bad that I had wasted my time and the bad feeling greatly outweighs the good.
You might think you have lots of time to waste, but really you dont. We are all going to die! sooner than you think. With each year I notice how much faster time passes for me, and I get scared knowing it is just going to pass faster.
There must be lots of things you want out of life. the sooner you start doing them, the more enjoyment you will get out of life.
oh and I read the book: Your erroneous zones by Wayne Dyer. http://www.amazon.com/dp/0751504556/?tag=pfamazon01-20

haha yeah well I think I am just bored with being lazy cause there's really not much else to do anymore .. youtube, facebook.. blah bla

and Wayne Dyer, no offense, is just a dude looking to make a buck off new agey books that have no intellectual value.. I've been thru all that new age/spiritual crap.. it definitely sucked me in.. but thankfully I realized it was BS..

then again I haven't read that book, so maybe a little bit of it has value lol

 

[ravkes]

Hello Ravkes,
I read your entire post but this really stood out to me. Intelligence is not totally a tool to help you gain financial freedom. There are many people who have low to moderate intelligence, but are getting paid very well. I think your habits have a greater probability of preventing you to work towards financial freedom. Maybe you should consider changing your current habits more than increasing your intelligence if you want to gain financial freedom. Could it be that your idealization of intelligence contributes to your laziness? i.e. "If I was more intelligent I would not have to do all of this" or "If I was more intelligent, I could do this so quickly."

can you direct me to those jobs that require low to moderate intelligence but pay well please? lol

and yeah that's probably true i figure if i was smarter i wouldn't have to work hard at all.. so i could bypass the whole hard work part haha

 

[ravkes]

Hey there revkas.

As for as fear goes, you need to accept the fact that if you want to do things that are hard and that potentially are rewarding (be it financially, intellectually, spiritually, whatever), then you need to face the fact that failure is part of the process. Anything worth pursuing for most people will involve failure. Its part of life and helps you become tougher mentally.

The real challenge though is how you handle failure. I would stress in no matter what kind of thing you do, how you handle failure is what matters the most. The people that take the hit of their failure, do a postmortem (even if its in their head), and move forward with a positive attitude will go a lot farther than someone who faces failure and goes into a fetal position.

Also other points have been said about the real world. I'm sure other people here might have experiences working really really crappy job. I've been there and I have to constantly remind myself of what its like out there working in factories, abattoirs, and similar places. It really helps you have a bit of perspective for these sort of things.

One thing I can say though is that once you deal with the idea of failure I mentioned above, find like-minded people. A lot of people get through things, including an entire degree like say engineering, by being in a group with a good dynamic. You find a great group and you bounce things of one another, correct misconceptions of content with one another, and create an enjoyable environment that makes your learning a little more enjoyable.

For me at least, one of the best lessons I learned was that no-one knows everything (or even anything in hindsight), and that it is ok to fail. The attitude is the most important thing for any kind of personal development there is.

Eh well I don't really care about failing lol I do it all the time, but maybe I should care a little bit? yeah probably

 

[ravkes]

If you keep on blaming the past, you'll never get the motivation that you're looking for. Whatever happened in the past is irrelevant--you can't change it, and worrying about it is useless unless you invent a time machine. Everybody, including you, can change their habits tomorrow; the only question is how desperately they want to change their habits.

Try these tips: when studying, go to the library with a realistic goal in mind and force yourself to stay there until you finish. Don't bring your phone, and don't bring your computer unless absolutely necessary. If you need it for work, block every website that you usually visit to procrastinate. In the courses that you're not doing well in, ask the professors for advice; in a top 50 school, most professors should have experience dealing with this and, rather than being condescending, will try to help you.

True words.
Practical advice.

Thanks bro.

 

[ravkes]

Will your institution even reward you a degree with this? Most programs I found at our university required a 2.0 GPA overall, and AT LEAST a 2.0 GPA in the major, if note higher!

LOL! yeah i know, haha.. i should have a 2.1 after this semester is over.

 

[Ryumast3r]

Fair enough, I mean I pay for my own tuition so I'm being really stupid because I'm pissing away my money. I don't think I'll be homeless lol, but I suppose I would limit myself to a certain number of opportunities when I do graduate. I would also like to take care of my parents. You're 100% right it's pretty selfish and stupid. I started changing my habits a little bit yesterday, I studied for my final for about 30 mins to an hr and I surprisingly retained almost all of the information! We'll see how it ends up. I doubt myself too much without even trying.

I probably should have added this to my post, but, there is no one solution that someone else can tell you that will solve your problem. I mean, I deal with motivation a completely different way than my good friend Mary who can't stand being yelled at or a lot of pressure, etc.

The best advice I can give you, and what I should have said to begin with, is find out what makes you happy, and chances are, if you are happy doing it, and like doing it, you will work hard to make it something you can do for the rest of your life.

 

[Adyssa]

I was similar to you, in that I got decent grades in high school, went to uni and flunked around for 4 years (!) and didn't even pass all of 1st year. Had a great time going out all weekend, and during the week, actually worked 2 part time jobs with some dedication but I got next to nothing out of uni. Went to TAFE for 2 years, IT course. More as a front for partying than anything. Then I worked a fun (good people), but menial job for a few years, ended up working in the office and fixing computers and working Excel and whatever, but eventually I hated where I was. No challenge, no new and interesting things to work on, same old same old. Something of a burning interest in actual computer programming, physics, higher level maths, things I never got far enough to learn, but I read about in pop. science books.

So I went back to uni last year, undergrad computer science. I got some good grades. I passed 1st year! It's not easy. I have an entrenched attitude of procrastination. I daydream. I read fiction when I should be studying. I listen to music, loud. I have too many drinks with my housemate, regularly. But I'm slowly getting better at learning. I struggle with the maths. I think I'm ok at maths, but I haven't done most of it since high school 12 years ago, so there's things I have difficulty with, but Khan Academy is fantastic, I've relearned algebra, basic calculus, vectors, we're doing set theory, matrices, some trig and other things in my course, I plod along ok. My computer science subjects are great. I'm doing pretty well at programming, and logic, and I'm getting better at the maths all the while. It's very satisfying to be gaining ground, getting somewhere, learning skills that I know are valuable and applicable to industry.

I don't regret not applying myself the first time, well, not completely anway. I was young, I had fun and I paid my way but I'm so glad I went back, and I can't wait to graduate :) I just hope I can get over my kind of anti-social and awkward nature and get past an interview! >.>

 

[Geezer]

The military is one such example - there are millions of young men who enter as lazy and immature fools, and exit as disciplined, hard working gentlemen. Obviously the commitment is nothing to take lightly.

No women in your military?

 

[drankin]

No women in your military?

Nope, just soldiers. :)