Why Do Women Fall for Bad Boys Despite Knowing Better?

[Dembadon]

Can you blame them ?

Blame them for what?

You can't blame them for being attracted to someone who is, well, attractive. However, you can blame them for acting upon that attraction by choosing to having an affair.

 

[Mentallic]

Blame them for what?

You can't blame them for being attracted to someone who is, well, attractive. However, you can blame them for acting upon that attraction by choosing to having an affair.

No no, he's trying to say can you blame her for having an affair on her nerdyhusband. They chose to settle down with a nice guy, but then have an affair with the hunky bad boy.

This isn't right. Yes I can blame them and I will blame them.

 

[Dembadon]

No no, he's trying to say can you blame her for having an affair on her nerdyhusband. They chose to settle down with a nice guy, but then have an affair with the hunky bad boy.

This isn't right. Yes I can blame them and I will blame them.

I agree, which is why I said:

However, you can blame them for acting upon that attraction by choosing to having an affair.

emphasis mine

 

[Mentallic]

I agree, which is why I said:



emphasis mine

Oh yes quite right

 

[nucleargirl]

mmm bad boys... lol! sounds a bit wrong? boys makes me think of children... but bad men sounds a bit... like crimminals...
I think maybe its the attitude that girls like? confident, don't care about what others say, does their own thing. yeah and tough, which means strong and protective... and in my mind bad boys are loyal and have a soft centre!

 

[nucleargirl]

yeah and exciting! -they're going to be doing things others aren't doing... it seems exciting to be with them? right? I've never actually been with a bad boy... but that's what I imagine.
yeah and its like they don't let others close to them easily (possibly attitude problems), so if you manage to be close to them then you feel quite special!

 

[wolram]

mmm bad boys... lol! sounds a bit wrong? boys makes me think of children... but bad men sounds a bit... like crimminals...
I think maybe its the attitude that girls like? confident, don't care about what others say, does their own thing. yeah and tough, which means strong and protective... and in my mind bad boys are loyal and have a soft centre!

Not true, in the olden days you couldn't crack my center with a diamond.

 

[radou]

Okay, think about that for just two seconds, radou. When you like something, it's because it is what it is the way it is, yes? For instance: you like chocolate cake because it is chocolate cake. You don't think to yourself, "Yeah I like this chocolate cake because, if I try really, really hard, I can make it into banana cream pie. Mmmhm. I like me some chocolate cake so I can have that pie."

*That's* pretty much your theory. Which, wrong. Sorry, but no. Women, and especially younger women, tend to like or enjoy "bad boys" because of the "lawless" quality someone else pointed out. Some young women can live out their rebellion streak vicariously through these guys who are "edgy" and flaunt authority. They tend to be, yeah, self-confident, and that's pretty darned attractive too. They push the boundaries of regular, vanilla, quiet social acceptability and conformity and, yeah, that can be appealing too to to go along on that ride with someone.

Well, I didn't make that up, because I know some girls which agree with that. To me, it makes sense. Everybody likes to be in control, including women. So when and if they gain control of a "bad boy", it could make them feel pretty good. To paraphrase it in a poetical manner - it's like taming a wild animal, probably.

An attraction to "bad boys" does not equal a propensity for abuse. It's, a lot of the time, just an opportunity to explore one's own sense of wanting to explore the boundaries of society and finding someone to take you there. It's about rebellion.

And eventually, we all grow out of that, find the value in a certain amount of conformity that we can live with, and get on with our lives.

Of course, but that's not the case which is interesting to discuss. :)

In general, all such "phenomena" arrises because people are behaving very stereotypical, and it's really mostly their fault. If this would be different, people could offer each other much more, and such problems regarding different needs (example in one of the posts above - a woman having an affair and a nerdy husband) would be less likely to arise.

 

[nucleargirl]

Not true, in the olden days you couldn't crack my center with a diamond.

yeah, that sucks about bad boys... some of them are really bad! inside as well! sucks!

 

[Enjoicube]

Can't have it both ways, eh? :P

 

[GeorginaS]

Okay, think about that for just two seconds, radou. When you like something, it's because it is what it is the way it is, yes? For instance: you like chocolate cake because it is chocolate cake. You don't think to yourself, "Yeah I like this chocolate cake because, if I try really, really hard, I can make it into banana cream pie. Mmmhm. I like me some chocolate cake so I can have that pie."

Well, I didn't make that up, because I know some girls which agree with that. To me, it makes sense. Everybody likes to be in control, including women. So when and if they gain control of a "bad boy", it could make them feel pretty good. To paraphrase it in a poetical manner - it's like taming a wild animal, probably.

Oh, okay then, "some girls" you've talked to absolutely represents the psychology you're discussing.

I shouldn't be sarcastic, should I? Because sarcasm tends to require tone-of-voice to detect it.

Let me try again. I question your sample size of "some", radou, to substantiate the conclusions you've reached as your understanding of a given psychology. You didn't mention what demographic you polled other than "girls", so I can't address that at all.

While I'm not saying your conclusions are wrong, radou, I'd simply suggest further research, reading, you know, get a farther reaching sampling of information on the topic.

 

[raw]

I'm a girl and I don't like bad boys.

 

[FrancisZ]

...To me, it makes sense. Everybody likes to be in control, including women.

Personally, I never really feel the NEED to be in control of anything. It doesn't matter to me.

I think it depends a lot on the unique personality dynamic between participants in a relationship; and I find that my own personality ADAPTS to the partnership as need (happily if that facilitates functionality and cooperation; and unhappily, if it is otherwise--in which case, after a while, I simply remove myself from the situation). And that goes for personal relationships, as much as it does work.

When I am working with a woman older than myself, I find that I am just naturally more submissive to them; it is part of my innate desire to be respectful (and it also makes me happy to please them). Even if they choose not to take the lead in anything we are doing, I make it a point of still not doing so myself; unless they expressly say that they would prefer I did. In that case, feeling quite validated, I am completely confident in the mutual trust we share; and accomplish my tasks, perhaps even more pleasantly than I would otherwise.

 

[Pengwuino]

Men like bitchy women for the same reason women love bad boys. It's the conquest, the game that's appealing. From my experience, I don't think all women like bad boys. I think it's just the confidence of bad boys that's appealing.

I don't see why people don't put much effort into thinking about this. It's the other side of the coin. I know plenty of girls who like guys that just don't treat them right. However, I know plenty of GUYS who are with GIRLS who don't treat them right. I know guys who are always complaining about their girls nagging or doing this and that and whatever and you wonder "... then why are you with them?".

Then again I think it might just be a societal thing where the guys feel obligated to complain about their gf/wives to their friends just as normal conversation and girls feel obligated to stick with a guy and try to make him change. I NEVER EVER EVER hear a guy who tries to change his wife/gf, but girls almost brag about how they've been able to change their bf/husband.

This stupid thing called "love". It's more destructive than the entire US military arsenal. It amazes me when a girl can complain for days on end and call the person they're with the worst things in the world yet will stay with them because they "love him". I've actually asked a girl why they were with a guy and they said they loved the guy but i asked "what do you love about him?" and they said "he's just a great guy!" after they had gone on for hours about how awful of a human being the person is. It's pathetic.

 

[radou]

I shouldn't be sarcastic, should I? Because sarcasm tends to require tone-of-voice to detect it.

In some cases it does, so better don't.

Let me try again. I question your sample size of "some", radou, to substantiate the conclusions you've reached as your understanding of a given psychology. You didn't mention what demographic you polled other than "girls", so I can't address that at all.

While I'm not saying your conclusions are wrong, radou, I'd simply suggest further research, reading, you know, get a farther reaching sampling of information on the topic.

That's a farily good point, but unfortunately, I don't have time for that. So even mentioning it was a tremendous mistake, since I didn't conduct enough research? :)

This stupid thing called "love". It's more destructive than the entire US military arsenal. It amazes me when a girl can complain for days on end and call the person they're with the worst things in the world yet will stay with them because they "love him". I've actually asked a girl why they were with a guy and they said they loved the guy but i asked "what do you love about him?" and they said "he's just a great guy!" after they had gone on for hours about how awful of a human being the person is. It's pathetic.

It could be that this behavioral pattern applies to less intelligent people, since they lack more serious and fulfilling content in their life, and worry about stupid things most of the time.

 

[Walgak Chuol]

To begin straight with your subject which read "why do girl like bad boys?
I think it does not hold true that All girls behave according to your general expression that they like ugly/bad boys. And not all boys that fall in love with ugly/bad girls you need to have clear look at your general statement. Consider you like and dislike, what may be good in judgement may not hold true in onthers. Considers unique of all man kinds. As to me you question does not need physics help. If your question appear to why do girls fall in love with boys, physics can help.

To answer your question, nothing is bad in the world of love. Once the love caught you, you will definitely some of things positive. I hope you will understand what I mean. May be your question may have an experimental basis but they may be your view, that may not true to those whom you are referring to. If you have had car out experiment let me say ten girls have fallen with 10 bad boys. To those tens girls prospective,those boys may not appear as bad as what you judge them. You are just an observer to just answer few.

If they are bad in their appearance may be their words may chance like gold, that may genuine ground to let those girls to be caught by their love. refer to love web that may be where you will get good physics behind.

Thank Walgak Chuol
I

 

[GeorginaS]

That's a farily good point, but unfortunately, I don't have time for that. So even mentioning it was a tremendous mistake, since I didn't conduct enough research? :)

How about we saw-off at middle ground, then, and I'll tell you that yours is not a point of view I've heard before, so I'll watch for it in future when I see that relationship dynamic with people.

And I think that's largely the point of discussions like this in the first place that we can share anecdotal evidence and personal experience and maybe learn a bit from each other by hearing points of view we may not have heard before.

 

[AlexES16]

Nerd guys most of the time are weak not only in the out side but in the inside.

They lack confidence, which is key for womens.

Bad boys have a tons of confidence So be a nerd with confidence! and pump the gym!

 

[AlexES16]

Also humans love what they can't have.

 

[Moonbear]

I think the crux of the issue really is how "bad boy" is defined, as has been discussed a bit already.

The whole "nice guys finish last" line is definitely not true, though, unless you're defining "nice guy" as complete doormat. I don't think many people of either sex likes to be with a partner who won't express any opinions, expects their partner to make all important decisions, won't stand up for themself, and generally shows signs of having no self-esteem.

I think it also depends a bit on age. Young men, in their early 20s, tend to do reckless, crazy things. Of course there are exceptions, but when you're past that age, you look at the "young'uns" and the vast majority could fit the description "bad boys" in some way or another, whether it's driving fast cars, attending wild parties and drinking too much, hooking up with new women every couple of weeks, or just playing football with their buddies on rainy days and coming in covered in mud and bruises.

I'll also toss into the mix that there are plenty of guys who talk a big game, but when a woman gets them alone and away from the other men, they turn into sweet, cuddly, fuzzy wuzzy teddy bears. Eventually they mature enough to realize they don't need to act like big tough guys in public and there's no shame in having his daughter sneak up and paint his toenails pink while he's napping on the couch...the shame only comes after his wife posts the pictures of that on Facebook for all their friends to see.

Like fine wines, men tend to mellow with age. Those crazy, wild, bad boys tend to grow up into decent, mature, loving husbands and fathers.

 

[DnD Addict]

I'm thinking it's more about confidence then where one lies on some good/bad axis. I ride (Motorcycle) sporadically with the Bandidos and do not usually acquire the attention of very many girls, but if I ride into some random bar and sit in a corner and then take out the chess board or some textbooks a number of girls will approach me (Beware; For some reason this attracts every Cougar in a 10 mile radius). Blending of the common Archetypes has worked well for me.

I usually pick up girls in libraries, coffee shops, grocery stores, bookstores. Just go up and introduce yourself. If your rejected there really isn't a downside, so it's a free bet with a possible positive pay off. Wager as often as you like.

 

[arildno]

Bad boys have bigger dicks, perhaps?

 

[DanP]

Bad boys have bigger dicks, perhaps?

Rofl. Balls to the wall, man.

 

[arildno]

Rofl. Balls to the wall, man.

I'm not into dungeon stuff, thank you.

 

[DanP]

I'm not into dungeon stuff, thank you.

It's actually meaning to go to the limit, not chains and testicles :P

 

[arildno]

Well, to me, that IS the limit I never want to reach.

 

[DanP]

Well, to me, that IS the limit I never want to reach.

Seems that you are pretty open, if you only stop there =)

 

[arildno]

I never said THAT was my greatest lower bound!

 

[DanP]

I never said THAT was my greatest lower bound!

Nor is this forum the place to disclose our lowest bound :P

 

[arildno]

Nor is this forum the place to disclose our lowest bound :P

Surely, with that attitude, YOU must be a..top?

 

[DanP]

Surely, with that attitude, YOU must be a..top?

 

[radou]

Bad boys have bigger dicks, perhaps?

Yeah, there must be a positive correlation here.

 

[Hepth]

I used to get in fights years ago with my girlfriend because I refused to sneak into movies. (EDIT: thought I'd put in ages, I guess we were like 23 at the time, not 16)
My thoughts: "Why? I can afford it. Do I really have to steal to find excitement? Seems really petty and childish, with a risk that's needless."
Her thoughts: "Lets do something we're not supposed to with a high chance of getting caught. By doing so we're proving that we're exciting people above societal norms."

Then by me refusing she had the mindset of:
"If I can convince him to do this, I can show how I control him into doing things that are against his nature." And battle ensued.

Needless to say, I don't think I've ever snuck into a movie, nor skipped out on a dinner bill. I refused to compromise my character for her, and if she didn't like it she could get the hell out. I guess me sticking up for my principles was enough strength-of-character to make up for the lack of "bad boy" behaviour as we're still together...

 

[lisab]

I used to get in fights years ago with my girlfriend because I refused to sneak into movies. (EDIT: thought I'd put in ages, I guess we were like 23 at the time, not 16)
My thoughts: "Why? I can afford it. Do I really have to steal to find excitement? Seems really petty and childish, with a risk that's needless."
Her thoughts: "Lets do something we're not supposed to with a high chance of getting caught. By doing so we're proving that we're exciting people above societal norms."

Then by me refusing she had the mindset of:
"If I can convince him to do this, I can show how I control him into doing things that are against his nature." And battle ensued.

Needless to say, I don't think I've ever snuck into a movie, nor skipped out on a dinner bill. I refused to compromise my character for her, and if she didn't like it she could get the hell out. I guess me sticking up for my principles was enough strength-of-character to make up for the lack of "bad boy" behaviour as we're still together...

Wow, Hepth, she sounds like a woman with issues!

 

[bd7878]

unfortunately many women, particularly younger ones, crave the drama that comes from a 'bad boy.' They mistake the turbulence that one of these fellows brings to their life with passion. Also, many very attractive women base a great deal of their self worth on their looks - and bad boys are primarily (read almost exclusively) interested in what a women looks like, therefor much of the bad boy communication, praise and criticism towards women is focused on the superficial. This feeds these women's own visions of their worth and insecurities.