New Chapter in Life: My Story & Experiences

[benEE2018]

I just wanted to tell my story and would like to see if anyone has been in the same predicament or is about to encounter what i have encountered. This might be a long story but i just want to get this out there and see what people have to say. It all started in high school in southern California. I went to a different middle school then most of the people that attended the high school i went to and thus had to make new friends in high school and surprisingly it was very easy and i don't know how i did it. It seems the younger you are, the easier it is to make friends because you arent really in your head all the time asking questions such as do these people like me and whatnot. There was this specific group of friends that i made, which is known as the "popular crowd" and we all know that with popular people, they smoke weed and drink most of the time, not giving much thought to their schoolwork and education. I was always somewhat in between as i confess i smoked weed 4/5 days a week all the while getting mediocore grades in high school. The connection between me and my "friends" was basically smoking weed and talking about sports/poker/ and things of that nature to just past time and it really did make time go by quick. fast foward into college i started as a business major scared of calculus, physics and rigor and still hung out with my old friends as i was comfortable with them. each time after smoking weed i vowed i would never do it again and then suddenly i had an epiphany about where my life was going. switched to engineering and dropped all of my friends because i knew i would absolutely fail my classes if i continued my old ways. here i am sitting at home because all the "friends" i used to have i chose school and my education over and i knew that was the sacrifice i had to give in order to succeed in engineering. i guess what I am trying to say is that i feel lost at the moment because all my friends have moved on and that's totally fine but i just wish that maybe everything in the past was just a distant memory and a waste of time. has anyone experienced the same thing?

 

[Evo]

You chose the wrong crowd to hang with. Kids that do drugs may be popular with kids that do drugs, but if you want to succeed in life that's not the crowd you want to associate with. It was the same back in my day. Druggies, mostly stayed druggies and failed, very few succeeded.

 

[benEE2018]

my predicament is that when I am on a summer or winter break and don't really have anyone to hang out with i usually comtemplate falling back into the old life that i used to live but i know that i have to do what's best for me and stay far away. its sad because those people arent bad people per say, they were just like me but were caught up in the wrong things as adolescents and now are paying the price without even knowing it or maybe they do know. most of them are my age and they all have been stuck in community colleges for about the past 6 years or either dropped out of college and are now working in medical clinics that dispense weed to patients. I am not saying that I am superior but i just kind of feel lucky to have that moment and had the chance to get out of that lifestyle

 

[strangerep]

my predicament is that when I am on a summer or winter break and don't really have anyone to hang out with [...]

If you think of those breaks as "time that needs to be killed", you're missing some serious opportunities...

You should occupy as much of that time as possible with... STUDY!

E.g., look ahead at material that's coming up in your future courses. Get the textbooks, work through them, do the exercises, etc, etc. (Heh -- you can always get help on PF, regardless of the time of year.)

If you lack motivation, go drink some coffee.

BTW, I made similar mistakes in my early University years. I'd either sit around, or go and get a casual job. But (oh duh!) I'd tend to choose a better-paying laboring job over some lower-paid casual job (intended for students) inside a scientific or engineering company. Soooo stupid.

 

[WWGD]

I don't mean to sound like one of those "get high on life" afternoon schedule, but regular exercising can give you a more sustained/sustainable motivation.

 

[leroyjenkens]

I had druggie friends, but I never did any drugs myself. That didn't stop me from wasting tons of time, though. I still hang out with a couple of them on the weekend, but during the week I'm getting things done while they're pretty much staying stationary in life. The problem with having friends who have no ambition is it doesn't encourage you to have any ambition either. If your friends are all doing things, then you'd feel motivated to do things too so that you can at least keep up with them, if you can't motivate yourself to do it solely for your own benefit.
If they're your friends, I don't see what's wrong with hanging out with them, unless you think you'll start doing drugs again.
I never did drugs with my friends, so when we hang out, they don't expect me to do drugs. I think not doing drugs got me more respect from them than if I had been like the other typical kids who just followed along.
Do you have any means to find new friends? It's kinda hard making new friends as an adult, because it seems like everyone has their group of friends and they're all set.
But nowadays, with the internet, you can make friends pretty easily; with websites such as meetup.com or another website that gets people together who share similar interests.

 

[benEE2018]

thanks leroy, it seems as if i hang out with my druggie friends most, I am either sitting in the car with them while they smoke and then they do activities that are only fun when either drunk or stoned out of your mind but when sober, is nothing too special. that is what i have experienced when i hung out with them and refrained from using drugs/drinking. most of the activities they do are only fun when you arent sober. do u still hang out with your druggie friends and how often?

 

[leroyjenkens]

thanks leroy, it seems as if i hang out with my druggie friends most, I am either sitting in the car with them while they smoke and then they do activities that are only fun when either drunk or stoned out of your mind but when sober, is nothing too special. that is what i have experienced when i hung out with them and refrained from using drugs/drinking. most of the activities they do are only fun when you arent sober. do u still hang out with your druggie friends and how often?

I'll go to one of their houses on the weekend. Maybe he'll have another one over, or we'll go over to one of their houses. It's really become a Sunday night thing. The rest of the week, I'm doing other stuff, not really hanging out with anyone.
We used to all hang out every day, like 6 of us. But we sort of went our own ways, and only a couple of us really stay in contact. A few of them have tried to rent houses together and it never works out for very long. Only a few can hold a job. I remember going over to their house and seeing one of them sleeping on the couch every time I went over there. Either he sleeps all the time, or it was just a coincidence that every time I went over there, he was sleeping on the couch. I don't know, I'm really trying to start a new chapter in my life as well. My friend's just really aren't cutting it. I made a thread a while ago in the relationships board trying to find ways to make new friends. I'm working on it. I plan to move somewhere else within the next few years anyway.

 

[lisab]

Don't be tempted to fall back into old ways. You have to be vigilant about this, as you know. You're in a precarious time if you're back home for summer and you have nothing better do do with your time. Keep in mind:

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

― Lao Tzu

You need to find things to do - can you volunteer at a Boys and Girls Club, as a tutor? Or browse through Meetup.com to find groups doing interesting things. WWGD had a good point about exercise, it benefits your mind and body. Mow elderly neighbors' lawns, take their dogs for walks. Volunteer at a pet shelter (they always need volunteers!).

 

[jim hardy]

i feel lost at the moment because all my friends have moved on and that's totally fine but i just wish that maybe everything in the past was just a distant memory and a waste of time. has anyone experienced the same thing?

yes. You are really fortunate to have changed course. Too much escapism leads to addiction.
Of course you feel "lost", you're not where you used to be.

i know that i have to do what's best for me and stay far away.

exactly right.

I am not saying that I am superior but i just kind of feel lucky to have that moment and had the chance to get out of that lifestyle

Indeed.
It's easy to slide backward. You might find an AA or NA meeting helpful for you could talk with other people who "saw the light" . Many slid a lot further down life's measuring scale than you did.

The best prevention against backsliding is to do what lisab suggested, small kind things that make you feel good inside. It's extra good if they're something nobody would know about like maybe pick up a nail in a parking lot to keep it out of somebody's tire.

Always smile at cashiers and tell them you hope all today's customers are nice.
Let somebody with only one item check out ahead of you.
You get the idea. Form the habit of being a pleasant person.

 

[ChiralWaltz]

It is wise of you to take this path. I know people from many walks of life. The ones who smoke pot seem to get stuck in time. Whenever I would go visit with them, it felt like we were doing the same thing over and over. It got boring but I still liked them as people.

I found disc golf to be a good middle ground activity. It kept me from feeling like my time was being wasted by sitting around playing video games for hours on end. It is also exercise in disguise. By meeting them on the course, I was able to save time. They knew I was there for the duration of the course and I would leave afterwards. Doing this allowed me to keep our friendship more active. The idea is to make a plan about what to before hand and set a time for that activity.

It may feel like you are abandoning your old friends but really your interests have changed. A Colonel in the Air Force shared this with me and it has taken me far: "Surround yourself with those you wish to emulate."

 

[Psinter]

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

― Lao Tzu

Always smile at cashiers and tell them you hope all today's customers are nice.
Let somebody with only one item check out ahead of you.
You get the idea. Form the habit of being a pleasant person.

Whoa. Sorry for butting in, but you both are awesome. I'm going to stop writing for a while and just read. I like the style of you both, and I think I'll learn cool stuff if I follow you. Your advises are simply awesome.

Let me copy paste this text and save it somewhere so I can read it again later.

I hope you find your way benEE2018. Sorry I cannot give you any hint. My style when facing harsh reality is quite military and I would probably make you cry with my solution (and everybody on the forum will frown down upon me and say: "Shut your trap Psinter"). Anyway, I hope you get better. The solutions presented so far are quite good.