Dealing with a Ruined Friendship

[shmoe]

she just doesn't get the message when i stop talking to her.

Shutting off communication with no explanation never works out well. If you really can't handle contact with her for the next couple of weeks before school starts up, just tell her that it's too hard for you. If she's worth anything as a friend she should respect that and give you space until you've gotten over it. In any case, keep yourself busy to stop obsessing over her (you seemed to be keeping track of when she arrived at the party, was there no one else to talk to?).

About the "girls are evil' title- after my first girlfriend broke up with me I went through that phase. It didn't help that about the same time 4 of my friends had their girlfiends all break up with them in bad ways, lying cheating etc.. so we had many 'girls are evil' conversations while we wallowed in our collective misery. We got over it pretty quick though.

All you can really do is get over it and realize that your next girlfriend isn't the same person as your last one (it sounds like this would be best in your case), so don't be afraid to take some risks that leave you vulnerable. If you don't get over it, the next relationship you're in you may end up being the 'evil' one as you try desperately to not let yourself get hurt again and behave like a goober. Eventually opening yourself up to risks will be worth it, or at least it's probably more fun at the time.

 

[Pythagorean]

Shutting off communication with no explanation never works out well. If you really can't handle contact with her for the next couple of weeks before school starts up, just tell her that it's too hard for you. If she's worth anything as a friend she should respect that and give you space until you've gotten over it. In any case, keep yourself busy to stop obsessing over her (you seemed to be keeping track of when she arrived at the party, was there no one else to talk to?).

About the "girls are evil' title- after my first girlfriend broke up with me I went through that phase. It didn't help that about the same time 4 of my friends had their girlfiends all break up with them in bad ways, lying cheating etc.. so we had many 'girls are evil' conversations while we wallowed in our collective misery. We got over it pretty quick though.

All you can really do is get over it and realize that your next girlfriend isn't the same person as your last one (it sounds like this would be best in your case), so don't be afraid to take some risks that leave you vulnerable. If you don't get over it, the next relationship you're in you may end up being the 'evil' one as you try desperately to not let yourself get hurt again and behave like a goober. Eventually opening yourself up to risks will be worth it, or at least it's probably more fun at the time.

Point 1: yeah, the most effective way to excuse someone from your life is politely and indirectly. Don't state it to them, and don't start being rude, just kind of make yourself less and less available to that person. In the end, each relationship between peoples is unique, so maybe there will be a bit of stating your point, but it's usually not necissarily; friends/acquaintinces drop each other all the time without even really realizing it.

Point 2: Yeah, i had my 'girls are evil' phase, too. I didn't take the title too seriously; I think it's a natural path, to break away from our social prejudices that we've been fed. (That is, to realize that girls AREN'T really evil). At some point in your life, if you're exposed to the actual workings behind your prejudices, you find out that your judgment system doesn't work out that well because since it's PREjudice, it's already set in stone, and not fluid and adaptable to our everchanging social structure.

Mk: masturbation isn't a taboo since like, the 80's, or at LEAST since the 90's "Love Line" on MTv (I know, I know, I hate MTv too). I wasn't being graphically explicit or trying to offend anyone, and I didn't use a swear breed of the word. I was just pointing out that if you're on hear making posts and you don't care what anyone thinks, then you're pretty much spamming. A bit of the "talking to hear yourself talk".

 

[Cyrus]

I was just pointing out that if you're on hear making posts and you don't care what anyone thinks, then you're pretty much spamming.

No way, why should I post something butchered with the intent of pleasing everyone who reads it? That's not spam, that's holding a position. Sure you can change your position in light of new information, but not before then. And besides, everyone loves to hear myself talk anyways :tongue2:

You know, there is always the option of agreeing to disagree.

 

[Pythagorean]

No way, why should I post something butchered with the intent of pleasing everyone who reads it?

Caring what people think isn't being a doormat. That's like thinking that if someone with AIDS touches you, you'll turn gay.

That's not spam, that's holding a position. Sure you can change your position in light of new information, but not before then.

I'm holding my position just fine, and I still care what you think, or I wouldn't have responded. I'm not going to change my position to agree with you, but still, I care what you think. Not a great deal, mind you, but I'm mildly interested. In fact, I'm sure you probably care what I think or you wouldn't be responding to me. I highly suspect that what you care about me thinking is that you don't care what people think...

Caring what people think can be very resourceful. There's a lot of useful data involved in people's thoughts. You don't have to be a nice, mushy sensitive person (which is what you might think is meant by 'caring what people think') and you don't have to be an evil, mind-reading genius. Your social alignment is independent of how well you can percieve and utilize the thoughts of others.

there is always the option of agreeing to disagree.

yeah, i think that's where we started. It's very much in line with caring what people think. Instead of agreeing to disagree (which is a compromise and a negotiation that involves caring about each other's thoughts) we could drop nukes on each other or otherwise establish some kind of animalistic dominance and than the winner would just be right. That would be more natural anyway.
,

 

[Astronuc]

No offense, . . . on the end of these leashes

:rofl: No offense taken. You have a long post to which to respond. No I wasn't on a leash. My background is rather unusual.

https://www.physicsforums.com/journal.php?do=showentry&e=599&enum=23

 

[Cyrus]

That's like thinking that if someone with AIDS touches you, you'll turn gay.

come again?

I'm holding my position just fine, and I still care what you think, or I wouldn't have responded.

I did not say you were not holding your positing just fine.

I'm not going to change my position to agree with you, but still, I care what you think.

Well, that's kind of you, but I don't care if you care

Not a great deal, mind you, but I'm mildly interested.

I think your massively interested! Dare I say, Obsessed even? Maybe a little?

In fact, I'm sure you probably care what I think or you wouldn't be responding to me.I highly suspect that what you care about me thinking is that you don't care what people think...

No, not really. Sorry

Caring what people think can be very resourceful. There's a lot of useful data involved in people's thoughts. You don't have to be a nice, mushy sensitive person (which is what you might think is meant by 'caring what people think') and you don't have to be an evil, mind-reading genius. Your social alignment is independent of how well you can percieve and utilize the thoughts of others.

Hmmm, maybe you don't understand what I mean by caring. I don't care if someone disagrees with me. Even if I disagree with someone, I listen to what they have to say, but that's not the same as caring about what they have to say.

It's very much in line with caring what people think. Instead of agreeing to disagree (which is a compromise and a negotiation that involves caring about each other's thoughts) we could drop nukes on each other or otherwise establish some kind of animalistic dominance and than the winner would just be right. That would be more natural anyway.

Ahahahhahahah, what!?

Agreeing to disagree, is that caring? I don't know, I don't think so.

Anyways, I have reading to do for school, and we are getting way off topic!

So just to show how little I care, I am out peace!

 

[Pythagorean]

I rest my case

 

[Cyrus]

:rofl: touche! :rofl: (still, don't care though)

 

[Astronuc]

To Physics is Phun and Rocketboy - the comments made hit a sensitive nerve. I have seen lots of people hurt one another, and I have seen to many black eyes, bruises, broken bones - from guys who have little respect for women. I've had to intervene a few times to make sure a woman wasn't physically assaulted or worse.

I have sat and listed to women friends and what they have been through in bad relationships. I have seen too many men who have little or no respect for women as persons.

The OP sounded like sour grapes and resentment, and to that I responded. Also, since this is a public forum and the statement "Girls are evil" is the first that anyone sees - for me its not something I like to see, even in jest. But then that's me.

PiP, if you break off with this young lady, do it respectfully - simply say good-bye. Explain your position if you wish - but always behave in a respectful and kind manner.

 

[rocketboy]

I think it is important to care what people think of you even if you are just a screen name on a public forum, first of all, because sometime you'll post something outside of general discussion maybe wanting homework help, and people are going to be more likely to help you if they respect you. If they read the author's name and think "oh, that was the guy that really offended me in that thread once" then they probably aren't going to want to help you.

Secondly, I like to think that what I have to say is valued, and that I'm not just typing it for the fun of it (although typing is pretty fun...).

So when people get the wrong impression of what I have posted, I like to clear things up so that the thread does not continue based on the false impressions.

EDIT: sorry, this was in reply to the whole "caring what you post" thing... it is not following up on Astronuc's post.

IRT Astronuc: I hope you do not think I meant that guys should disrespect women in any way. If so then I appologize for not being clear. I think I explained it in a post on the second page. Also, I would never even think about hurting a woman, in fact, I've been in a situation where I teased a girl at a party once, and it was taken the wrong way by her. She punched me in the face 3 times... I just stood there and took the hits, because I did not feel like there was much I could do to prevent it without possibly hurting her (she had me cornered i couldn't just walk away). I don't think she was right to hit me, that's not the point, the point is I couldn't ever bring myself to hurt a woman.

 

[Cyrus]

I think it is important to care what people think of you even if you are just a screen name on a public forum

I think solids reply to you was out of line, and if I were in your shoes, no, I would not care about what he thought of your post.

So when people get the wrong impression of what I have posted, I like to clear things up so that the thread does not continue based on the false impressions.

Sure, I agree. I don't think you gave the wrong impression though, at least not to me. I think you got blasted with a poor response.

Secondly, I like to think that what I have to say is valued, and that I'm not just typing it for the fun of it (although typing is pretty fun...).

I think you can value what someone has to say, but not care about what they have to say.

As in, I value the fact that you have given me your opinion and facts to support it, but I don't care for your opinion (as in agree with your views).

If they read the author's name and think "oh, that was the guy that really offended me in that thread once" then they probably aren't going to want to help you.

If they do that, shame on them.

She punched me in the face 3 times... I just stood there and took the hits, because I did not feel like there was much I could do to prevent it without possibly hurting her (she had me cornered i couldn't just walk away). I don't think she was right to hit me, that's not the point, the point is I couldn't ever bring myself to hurt a woman.

You're nuts. I wouldn't hit her, but I would grab her arm and say, uh-uh. Cut it out NOW.

 

[Astronuc]

I hope you do not think I meant that guys should disrespect women in any way. If so then I appologize for not being clear. I think I explained it in a post on the second page.

Thank you for your explanation and clarification.

Also, I would never even think about hurting a woman, in fact, I've been in a situation where I teased a girl at a party once, and it was taken the wrong way by her. She punched me in the face 3 times... I just stood there and took the hits, because I did not feel like there was much I could do to prevent it without possibly hurting her (she had me cornered i couldn't just walk away). I don't think she was right to hit me, that's not the point, the point is I couldn't ever bring myself to hurt a woman.

I am pleased to hear that you would think of hurting a woman, physically or emotionally. You need to practice blocking - there are ways to do so without hurting the opponent. Best to back away. Also, be careful how one teases another.

 

[rocketboy]

You need to practice blocking

it came so fast I didn't have time too... she had a good right hook!

 

[Cyrus]

it came so fast I didn't have time too... she had a good right hook!

Aw man, poor guy!

 

[turbo]

it came so fast I didn't have time too... she had a good right hook!

She got you with the same punch 3 times? With that lack of self-defense, if you grew up in my neighborhood, you'd be a basket-case. Learn to defend yourself without inflicting harm or further escalation of the confrontation.

It was drilled into my head as a kid that I could not harm a girl, but that did not translate into "whatever a girl does to you, just take it". Personal violence is not committed only by males. In fact, males are far more reluctant to report abuse by a partner than are females. A husband of one of my cousins is a retired chief of police, and he claims that women in abusive relationships are more dangerous than the men. He has been assaulted a number of times by women when trying to arrest men while responding to domestic disturbance complaints. When he was a rookie, he thought that knocking on the door, assessing the situation, etc, was going to be pretty routine. Often, he thought that arresting the guy and cooling him off in jail overnight would be the best solution, and when he was cuffing the guy and taking him out of the domicile, the female would assault him, with fists, kicks, knives, etc. After a few of those, he would rather have responded to a "robbery in progress" than a domestic disturbance.

 

[FredGarvin]

So when she finally arrives (late) she has a present for me. a CD. she said 'i bought it for me but then i thought you'd like it.'

If you're into getting gifts with no thought behind them whatsoever and being someone's trash dump, then I suppose you could be greatful for this little "gift." Personally I would have told her what she could do with it. But that's just me.

...and she come and jumps on my lap and whispers to me 'i'm sitting here cause I think she's hitting on you.' like she was jealous that i was talking to her.

She's tightening that grip on your leash. Proof positive right there.

Other than that, she spent the rest of the night with her ex boyfriend.

More proof.

So. pretty much I'm done with her. if she's actually going to go out with this guy again, or even if it was just a one time thing, she's just the biggest liar, and i don't want anything to do with her.
YES!I will sleep a bit better tonight knowing there is some good in the world.

so it comes down to how to tell her off. she just doesn't get the message when i stop talking to her. (as i tried before) so i really got to tell her to buzz off and i don't want to see her again. I don't want to be mean. but something that gets the point across. a few friends suggest that i don't say anything and just be indifferent to everything she says. but to me that seems a bit immature and not really facing the problem.

Peronally, I wouldn't bother either. Just go off and live your life. You seeing other people, etc...will get the point across. If she wants to try to reel you back in then you can tell her. Be polite.

 

[TuviaDaCat]

erg... don't u think that all of u are pretty much overreacting... the man didnt write a thesis about saten using women as his pawns.
just made an exagerating statement as a humoristic one. the man reffered to the tendence of women to play word games and such with one. that's all to it..