Is a physicist and christian relationship possible?

[pergradus]

So I'm a physics student, obviously I don't believe in God or religion, and I can be pretty hostile towards it at times.

I recently met a girl who I'm pretty into, but she's deeply christian. I plan on "telling her how I feel" tomorrow, but I'm just wondering... do you think a lasting relationship between a physicist and a christian is possible? I mean, we have completely incompatible world views... but does that really matter?

 

[Pengwuino]

Probably, but you'll never know until you try it out.

 

[pergradus]

Well I definitely plan on trying (if she doesn't reject me, but I'm pretty sure she's into me too). What kind of issues could you imagine would come up?

 

[Evo]

Well I definitely plan on trying (if she doesn't reject me, but I'm pretty sure she's into me too). What kind of issues could you imagine would come up?

She might expect you to convert. If she's a devout Christian, she will assume she is right and that you need to be saved.

Someone that is "deeply christian" as you described won't rest until you are "saved".

Either you give up what you believe or you give in. If she believed in a god, but didn't attend church, or not often, and didn't care that much, you'd be ok.

Good luck.

 

[jhae2.718]

someone that is "deeply christian" as you described won't rest until you are "saved".

ctrl + s ?

 

[Pengwuino]

Well I definitely plan on trying (if she doesn't reject me, but I'm pretty sure she's into me too). What kind of issues could you imagine would come up?

If she's a devout Christian, there's a high probability that that comes with a certain lifestyle and various beliefs. You can pretty much ask yourself what parts of her life might conflict with yours (children, marriage, church, family, political issues, etc). So basically the whole gambit of humanity. The real issue is what kind of person she is. She might demand you convert and have 10 kids and go to church every week or she might be totally cool with your lifestyle and not want kids or whatever. It totally depends on how her religious beliefs manifest themselves in her day to day life and in her conduct.

 

[pergradus]

Hmm... well maybe its good to be upfront about some things with her. Also there's a lot more to this that I'm not telling you guys lol... things are much weirder than her just being christian and me just being a physics student.

 

[JaWiB]

but I'm just wondering... do you think a lasting relationship between a physicist and a christian is possible?

If not, it would certainly be problematic to be a physicist and also a Christian

I mean, we have completely incompatible world views... but does that really matter?

No, your core beliefs obviously don't matter at all in a relationship.

 

[Dembadon]

So I'm a physics student, obviously I don't believe in God or religion, and I can be pretty hostile towards it at times.

I recently met a girl who I'm pretty into, but she's deeply christian. I plan on "telling her how I feel" tomorrow, but I'm just wondering... do you think a lasting relationship between a physicist and a christian is possible? I mean, we have completely incompatible world views... but does that really matter?

I don't think it's a good idea. Relationships are challenging enough between two people with the same core beliefs.

 

[Studiot]

So I'm a physics student, obviously I don't believe in God or religion

I do know a former physics student in your position.

I am not sure if he in was originally religous, but he became disillusioned with physics and gave it up, without qualifying, and is certainly now a christian.
He is making a successful (paid) career in the voluntary sector.
The relationship blossomed and he also married the girl in question who has become a doctor.
As far as I can tell their relationship is pretty solid.

go well

 

[BobG]

So I'm a physics student, obviously I don't believe in God or religion, and I can be pretty hostile towards it at times.

I recently met a girl who I'm pretty into, but she's deeply christian. I plan on "telling her how I feel" tomorrow, but I'm just wondering... do you think a lasting relationship between a physicist and a christian is possible? I mean, we have completely incompatible world views... but does that really matter?

A physicist and a Christian? Probably doesn't matter since one is a job and the other is a religion. Most Christians have nothing against science - only Christian fundamentalists.

An atheist and a Christian? Could be problems.

She's deeply Christian and you're so deeply atheistic that you assume a physics student "obviously" wouldn't believe in God? There will definitely be problems.

Especially if you have kids. What happens if she wants to brainwash the kids into being devout Christians? Wouldn't they grow up having the other math science students laugh at them? Wouldn't that completely rule out any possible career they would have in the math or sciences?

Don't get into a relationship with someone who's beliefs you'll wind up ridiculing - it's humiliating to the other person and they'll develop some serious resentment towards you.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

So I'm a physics student, obviously I don't believe in God or religion, and I can be pretty hostile towards it at times.

I recently met a girl who I'm pretty into, but she's deeply christian. I plan on "telling her how I feel" tomorrow, but I'm just wondering... do you think a lasting relationship between a physicist and a christian is possible? I mean, we have completely incompatible world views... but does that really matter?

It is common for non-believer to marry believers. Whether your non-belief is science-based or otherwise is irrelevant. Don't be fooled by thinking a physics degree makes this situation unique. Also, faith and science are not mutually exclusive. That assumption is a falacy. There are plenty of religious scientists.

My father never believed in God and my mother was very religious. They were married until the time of my father's death - over fifty years. In fact, I knew a number of families in similar situations. It was fairly common for moms but not dads to be members of the faithful. The only qualifier would be that there is religious, and then there is RELIGIOUS. If she is a fundamentalist/evangelical, then you would probably have a tough challenge in making that relationship work.

It is also important to remember that many people go through periods of intense faith, esp when young, and later take a more moderate view.

I would also suggest that you don't take advice from people with a personal bias against religion. By definition they are biased and can't offer a balanced view.

 

[Evo]

Hmm... well maybe its good to be upfront about some things with her. Also there's a lot more to this that I'm not telling you guys lol... things are much weirder than her just being christian and me just being a physics student.

Do tell!

 

[pergradus]

A physicist and a Christian? Probably doesn't matter since one is a job and the other is a religion. Most Christians have nothing against science - only Christian fundamentalists.

An atheist and a Christian? Could be problems.

She's deeply Christian and you're so deeply atheistic that you assume a physics student "obviously" wouldn't believe in God? There will definitely be problems.

Especially if you have kids. What happens if she wants to brainwash the kids into being devout Christians? Wouldn't they grow up having the other math science students laugh at them? Wouldn't that completely rule out any possible career they would have in the math or sciences?

Don't get into a relationship with someone who's beliefs you'll wind up ridiculing - it's humiliating to the other person and they'll develop some serious resentment towards you.

I thought about that, but at the same time I can see some value in two people with opposing views being together - we could possibly gain some perspective from each other and maybe grow in ways we otherwise would not have.

Also she's definitely not hostile towards science, I actually met her at an observatory!

Anyways I don't wana go way over-board analyzing things and thinking about hypothetical situations when I only met her two weeks ago - but I guess I just made this thread for some reassurance?

@ Evo - I'll tell you more depending on how things go later today : )

 

[Lichdar]

I don't have any bitterness. You just left yourself wide open for that - you have no one to blame but yourself.

At any rate, there is little that I can say that IvanSeeking hasn't said better: almost anything can work, assuming that both parties can compromise. I remain uncomfortable that you seem to strongly be convinced that being a physicist is incompatible with being a Christian; one is a belief and one is a job.

Its definitely possible ot make it work with her, if she's also willing to see things form your perspective on occasion. It is, however, fraught with its perils especially if you're both very young.

 

[pergradus]

Well things didn't work out. She shared my feelings, but said the bible tells her it's a sin to be with non-Christians and that it would lead to problems for her.

Oh well...

 

[lisab]

Well things didn't work out. She shared my feelings, but said the bible tells her it's a sin to be with non-Christians and that it would lead to problems for her.

Oh well...

I'm sorry to hear that, pergradus !

 

[pergradus]

It's OK. I'm not really hurt, just very disappointed, because I rarely get along with people and this was someone I met who I had a ten hour conversation with, and I know it will probably be years before I meet someone like that again.

 

[Topher925]

It's OK. I'm not really hurt, just very disappointed, because I rarely get along with people and this was someone I met who I had a ten hour conversation with, and I know it will probably be years before I meet someone like that again.

You're better off in the long run. I had a ~3 year relationship with someone who was a devout christian and looking back at it I now realize I made a big mistake by letting the relationship go on. Like your situation, we both had very different fundamental values and goals in life and there was just no way the relationship was going anywhere but both of us were just to stubborn to admit it. While we were going out, there were lots of other fish I met in that 3 year period I would loved to have pursued, and who knows, one of them could have been "the one".

You're better off not being locked in a relationship that you know won't get anywhere as you never know when you might meet someone that's actual marriage material even if you have to wait another 5 years to meet them.

 

[accidentprone]

"obviously I don't believe in God or religon"

Does being a physics student "obviously" result in a lack of belief in religion? I am a physics student and although I would hardly call myself a devout christian, I do remain unsure to leaning towards belief in a God.
One of my physics lecturers (the best I've had) is in fact a strong believer in Christianity.

On the topic of your relationship - it is more than possible for a relationship to flourish between people of different faiths/ lack of faith.
A relationship revolves around mutual respect and trust - if you respect her belief and she respects your lack of it then that respect is straight away a platform on which the rest of your relationship can be built!
Good luck!

 

[pergradus]

You're better off in the long run. I had a ~3 year relationship with someone who was a devout christian and looking back at it I now realize I made a big mistake by letting the relationship go on. Like your situation, we both had very different fundamental values and goals in life and there was just no way the relationship was going anywhere but both of us were just to stubborn to admit it. While we were going out, there were lots of other fish I met in that 3 year period I would loved to have pursued, and who knows, one of them could have been "the one".

You're better off not being locked in a relationship that you know won't get anywhere as you never know when you might meet someone that's actual marriage material even if you have to wait another 5 years to meet them.

Yea I had actually considered all of this before I even started getting attatched to her - and I knew this might happen but I didn't listen to my own instinct.

Either way though, I feel like complete **** today.

 

[Evo]

Yea I had actually considered all of this before I even started getting attatched to her - and I knew this might happen but I didn't listen to my own instinct.

Either way though, I feel like complete **** today.

I'm sorry you are hurting, but if she's that closed minded, you are definitely better off knowing right away.

 

[pergradus]

I'm sorry you are hurting, but if she's that closed minded, you are definitely better off knowing right away.

Evo you don't even know me yet you seem sincere - you're a kind person!

I guess I'm going to try and be "friends" but I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at her as a friend... time will tell...

 

[rootX]

I have rarely come across any Christian who wanted to save me or convert me (but I never got into a very close relationship).

I have had close friends of very strong Jewish and Christian faiths but they never saw anything wrong with people with different or no beliefs.

 

[rootX]

It is common for non-believer to marry believers. Whether your non-belief is science-based or otherwise is irrelevant. Don't be fooled by thinking a physics degree makes this situation unique. Also, faith and science are not mutually exclusive. That assumption is a falacy. There are plenty of religious scientists.

My father never believed in God and my mother was very religious. They were married until the time of my father's death - over fifty years. In fact, I knew a number of families in similar situations. It was fairly common for moms but not dads to be members of the faithful. The only qualifier would be that there is religious, and then there is RELIGIOUS. If she is a fundamentalist/evangelical, then you would probably have a tough challenge in making that relationship work.

It is also important to remember that many people go through periods of intense faith, esp when young, and later take a more moderate view.

I would also suggest that you don't take advice from people with a personal bias against religion. By definition they are biased and can't offer a balanced view.

I fully agree with all of above!

There are always weak personality religious and non-religious people who wouldn't tolerate other opinions but that doesn't mean everyone is like that.

 

[Dembadon]

I have rarely come across any Christian who wanted to save me or convert me (but I never got into a very close relationship).

I have had close friends of very strong Jewish and Christian faiths but they never saw anything wrong with people with different or no beliefs.

You're right, there's nothing wrong with the person, but drastically different paradigms will complicate serious relationships.

Partner A: "Honey, things are going to be tighter than usual this summer; let's make a budget and plan for an emergency so that we're able to make the best of the situation."

Partner B: "Budget? All we need is faith. God is our provider."

Partner A: :grumpy:

I've been through this before. The above scenario might be an extreme case, but it still illustrates my point. I realize that one can be religious and a physicist at the same time, however, the differences between the OP and this other person aren't just vocational. Spending lots of time with someone who has a completely different values is fine, for friends and/or acquaintances. I think it'd make a serious relationship very difficult.

 

[rootX]

You're right, there's nothing wrong with the person, but drastically different paradigms will complicate serious relationships.

Partner A: "Honey, things are going to be tighter than usual this summer; let's make a budget and plan for an emergency so that we're able to make the best of the situation."

Partner B: "Budget? All we need is faith. God is our provider."

Partner A: :grumpy:

Yes, that's bit too extreme example.

I've been through this before. The above scenario might be an extreme case, but it still illustrates my point. I realize that one can be religious and a physicist at the same time, however, the differences between the OP and this other person aren't just vocational. Spending lots of time with someone who has a completely different values is fine, for friends and/or acquaintances. I think it'd make a serious relationship very difficult.

While I can see the difficulties in having a relationship with person from very different background but I think it's the character/personality that plays the important role than the similarities. If someone is of poor personality or character, any kind of relationship with him/her wouldn't work no matter what his/her beliefs are.

 

[SamirS]

Well, I view that matter a bit differently than Ivan Seeking. I'm an atheist - I don't know if there is a god or if there isn't, but I don't see the slightest rational reason to believe in one, hence, atheist - and wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone religious - be it mildly, moderately or fundamental.

The major faiths are very clear about relationships to non-believers. To believe in the general system, but disregard parts of it someone doesn't like, is irrational to me with respect to the belief system (no matter how irrational or incoherent it is in the first place) and also with respect to the general idea of entertaining coherent beliefs in general. What exactly is the point of being, for example, Christian or Muslim, and then only follow the teachings one likes? You won't go far in science if you only learn the parts you consider fun, no matter how fundamental a part is to the whole idea.

I picture people with faith of that kind as someone who wants their cake and eat it too - don't follow the requirements but still get all the benefits in case there is a higher power. It's simply not logical to me. You can't form a theory based on half of your craft (for example physics), accept that it disagrees with the other half (under the premise that both halfs are well-accepted and proven, required bases for new theories), and still expect to be awarded the Nobel Prize, as an analogy.

I don't expect my partner to hold ideas completely free of contradiction in every little part of their life (though it is a most virtuous task), but the major ones require exactly that. I'm aware that I have no control of who I fall in love with, but I hold my personal view of integrity over fulfillment of romantic desires, and would, as I did in the past so far, not pursue a relationship with a religious (however tolerant) person. I expect the same from a person who falls in love with me - I am but a human among many, and however special or perfect I may seem to a person falling in love with me (or the reverse), I most likely and simply am not that person (talk about love making blind).

I'm perfectly fine with disagreeing with my partner about other opinions and beliefs that are not dogmatic (for example, non-extremist political views).

And though physics doesn't require you to be atheist, in my view it makes religion obsolete for spiritual fulfillment - there's no physical need for a god.

I realize that this position can be viewed as dogmatic, and it most likely is - but I come from a background where religion was a major vector of violence, hatred and death, and I also know myself too well, being a rather sarcastic and often cynical person with too much of an idealist core to not care.

Edit: Just to clarify, I don't condemn relationships between atheists and religious people, either. Everyone has to choose their path, and I don't see anything wrong in being with such a person in the way bad crimes are wrong, or in the way more fundamental religious people see it. I wouldn't forbid it nor try to talk someone out of such a relationship on the single basis of my belief system - I'm just voicing my opinion why I find it wrong from a personal, rational standpoint.

By the way, there are a lot of examples in my own family where there were mostly successfull relationships between believers and non-believers. I would also be ok with the idea if my children chose to be religious (though I wouldn't bring them up as such - I'd tell them the whole truth about religion and its history and would be confident that this is enough to rationalize belief or non-belief).

 

[chiro]

The only thing that can annoy me about religious people apart from the ones that want to "save you" or the ones that believe everyone but their religion is going to "hell" (or getting no virgins etc) are the ones that think that God is going to do things for them and save them. The fact that people believe that God will pull strings for them just gets me dumbstruck.

I'm sorry for the OP that things didn't go the way they planned, but there's roughly 6 billion people on the planet, so somethings bound to happen, especially something that is unexpected and unpredictable.

 

[lisab]

Well, I view that matter a bit differently than Ivan Seeking. I'm an atheist - I don't know if there is a god or if there isn't, but I don't see the slightest rational reason to believe in one, hence, atheist - and wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone religious - be it mildly, moderately or fundamental.

The major faiths are very clear about relationships to non-believers. To believe in the general system, but disregard parts of it someone doesn't like, is irrational to me with respect to the belief system (no matter how irrational or incoherent it is in the first place) and also with respect to the general idea of entertaining coherent beliefs in general. What exactly is the point of being, for example, Christian or Muslim, and then only follow the teachings one likes? You won't go far in science if you only learn the parts you consider fun, no matter how fundamental a part is to the whole idea.

I picture people with faith of that kind as someone who wants their cake and eat it too - don't follow the requirements but still get all the benefits in case there is a higher power. It's simply not logical to me. You can't form a theory based on half of your craft (for example physics), accept that it disagrees with the other half (under the premise that both halfs are well-accepted and proven, required bases for new theories), and still expect to be awarded the Nobel Prize, as an analogy.

I don't expect my partner to hold ideas completely free of contradiction in every little part of their life (though it is a most virtuous task), but the major ones require exactly that. I'm aware that I have no control of who I fall in love with, but I hold my personal view of integrity over fulfillment of romantic desires, and would, as I did in the past so far, not pursue a relationship with a religious (however tolerant) person. I expect the same from a person who falls in love with me - I am but a human among many, and however special or perfect I may seem to a person falling in love with me (or the reverse), I most likely and simply am not that person (talk about love making blind).

I'm perfectly fine with disagreeing with my partner about other opinions and beliefs that are not dogmatic (for example, non-extremist political views).

And though physics doesn't require you to be atheist, in my view it makes religion obsolete for spiritual fulfillment - there's no physical need for a god.

I realize that this position can be viewed as dogmatic, and it most likely is - but I come from a background where religion was a major vector of violence, hatred and death, and I also know myself too well, being a rather sarcastic and often cynical person with too much of an idealist core to not care.

Edit: Just to clarify, I don't condemn relationships between atheists and religious people, either. Everyone has to choose their path, and I don't see anything wrong in being with such a person in the way bad crimes are wrong, or in the way more fundamental religious people see it. I wouldn't forbid it nor try to talk someone out of such a relationship on the single basis of my belief system - I'm just voicing my opinion why I find it wrong from a personal, rational standpoint.

By the way, there are a lot of examples in my own family where there were mostly successfull relationships between believers and non-believers. I would also be ok with the idea if my children chose to be religious (though I wouldn't bring them up as such - I'd tell them the whole truth about religion and its history and would be confident that this is enough to rationalize belief or non-belief).

nice post!

 

[Andre]

- but I come from a background where religion was a major vector of violence, hatred and death, and I also know myself too well, being a rather sarcastic and often cynical person with too much of an idealist core to not care.

Interesting the use of the word vector. Personally I think that religion serves several purposes. The main purpose maybe is providing comfort for those who cant' accept that life ends sometimes but secondary it's a way to manipulate people and keep them in check. If you don't do what the religious prime tells you to do, the deity will take terrible revenge and thirdly it can be that vector, project violence outside the religious group - eradicate the heathens and increase the power of the religious prime.

If you realize this mechanism, it may be also a reason to be atheist, however, it's a trade off, one can be jealous of those who have the comfort of believing in eternal life.

 

[SamirS]

I should clarify, I meant vector in the biological sense. I come from the Balkans, and there I see religion not as the actual reason, but more of means of how to produce separation.

People were incited to kill with the help and justification of religion*. They needed something to tell them that it was right what they did, if you will.

*Yes, most people would agree it is actually based on ethnicy. But let me tell you - you'll be hardpressed to find a difference between the people inside the country of BiH outside of what was, intentionally, made up to be a difference. Even though I'm from the Bosniak side and we had enough victims in our family even, ethical or racial hatred is senseless and stupid. Someone has to forgive first to make things better for the future, right?

 

[pergradus]

Hmm things are getting weird.

So after she turned me down, we started just casually e-mailing, and then she started to call me on the phone a few days ago and has called me every night since.

She tells me by e-mail today that she wishes she could see me tonight, but she says she doesn't want to be with a non-christian guy?

Now I'm confused... because she seems like she's really into me, and I was ready to just be friends with her...

 

[rootX]

Maybe she is changing and willing to accept the differences ...

You can attempt to engage her back into relationship conversation while not being ignorant/arrogant/closed-minded. But at least, she can be a good friend.

 

[pergradus]

You think I'm ignorant/arrogant/close minded?

I'm not sure how to be open minded other than to respect her beliefs... but if "open minded" means to consider changing my views about the world, then that's something I can't do - not even because I don't want to, but because it wouldn't be genuine.