Roommate Attraction: My Story & Others

[Mattius_]

hola...

I recently moved from a house with two guys to a house with two girls. I moved out for space reasons but also because I didnt like my old roommates anymore. I found these girls through a flyer on campus and I knew there would be tension the first time I met them. They are both very cute and they both are on the university dance team. Anyways, I moved in and things have been going great but now I think one of them is starting to have a crush on me. I really am not too attracted to her personality but she knows she looks great and she uses it a lot to converse with me; ie wearing revealing clothes, showing me her repetoire in the living room, and of course the touchy feely poking stuff that friends do. I really am unsure about moving forward because it sounds like a disaster in the making. Anyone have input on my situation? Any other roommate stories similar to this?

 

[J77]

Get a couple of bottles of wine and see how things develop...

 

[fourier jr]

why are you asking us? just go for it & if it turns out to be a disaster just move out like you did with the other place.

 

[Kurdt]

I think you should state you position so she's clear where you stand then the rest is up to her.

 

[Chi Meson]

IF you stay, things will go bad sooner or later. Possibly, things could go well before they go bad. Any scenario ends with you moving out. HOw long is your lease?

 

[hypatia]

If you don't like her, then what's the problem? Just continue to be yourself. I take it you didn't have sisters?

 

[Hurkyl]

I really am not too attracted to her personality
...
it sounds like a disaster in the making.

Then it sounds obvious to me that you shouldn't even be considering moving forward. *shrug*

If her flirting makes you uncomfortable, then you need to tell her that.

If not, then you just need to evaluate the alternatives.

Do you think she'll be hurt if you tell her you're not interested now?
Do you think she'll be more hurt if she doesn't find out until after she's spent many months embarassing herself by hitting on you?
Do you think the crush will pass?
Do you think she will try to move forward?
If so, do you think she'll be more hurt if you wait and reject her then?
Even worse, do you think you might not resist?

I'm generally in favor of telling people how you feel about things -- but if you're not, then let the answers to these questions guide you. (and other questions you might come up with)



Oh, that's a good idea. (If hypatia doesn't mind me warping her post) You like these girls as friends, right? Tell them that they're like sisters to you. (I know that only one has the crush, but it might go smoother if you didn't single her out) Well, I suppose you shouldn't do that unless you really do feel close to 'em in a friendly way.

 

[Yonoz]

These are the best years of your life, why not have as much fun as possible? You say she looks great but you're not attracted to her personality - I say try to have fun, you don't have to solve crosswords together. The most important thing is to make your intentions very clear - to her and to yourself - and let her make her own choice. Not everyone is interested in deep relationships, and as long as you're honest with her (however subtly) you've got nothing to worry about - she has every right to choose what she wants from you.
It's a fine rope to tread, but isn't that what's so darn great about it?

 

[Danger]

Have you considered getting a web-cam and starting a pay site?

 

[marlon]

Have you considered getting a web-cam and starting a pay site?

:rofl:

great parental advice

 

[russ_watters]

Ehh, there's a decent chance she's just doing it for her own self-esteem anyway, so you may as well just ride it and enjoy it.

 

[Mk]

she's just doing it for her own self-esteem anyway, so you may as well just ride it

:rofl:

great parental advice

 

[FrogPad]

Get a couple of bottles of wine and see how things develop...

:rofl:

Yeah Mattius_, you might actually like her personallity with a bottle of wine in you.

 

[zoobyshoe]

I'm 51 years old and have a collection of memories of situations roughly similar to this in which I did the right and proper thing. Each one now haunts me like a burning, sore, blister when I think of it. Why didn't I take advantage of these amazing opportunities?

I'm 51, Mattius_, and they don't happen anymore....

 

[Astronuc]

Consider keeping it platonic and make that known, especially if one does not have reciprocal feelings.

If one decides to 'roll with it and have fun', one risks it blowing up in one's face. If one becomes romantically or more likely casually involved, and then the relationship fails, is one prepared to move out?

Just don't take advantage of the young lady's affections.

 

[larkspur]

If you don't like her and you casually get her pregnant then you are stuck dealing with someone you don't like for the next 18 years.

 

[zoobyshoe]

If you don't like her and you casually get her pregnant then you are stuck dealing with someone you don't like for the next 18 years.

Getting someone pregnant when you're both in college would be a nightmare even if he thought she was the most wonderful person in the world.

 

[larkspur]

Getting someone pregnant when you're both in college would be a nightmare even if he thought she was the most wonderful person in the world.

Agreed.

 

[Mattius_]

HOw long is your lease?

That's the problem, I moved in just over a month ago and the lease is a YEAR. I think the penalty for breaking the lease is a couple hundred dollars plus the time it takes them to find a new roommate. On the whole though, I couldn't picture a better living situation (besides the expressed situation.) The house is nice; they are clean, focused, awesome to talk to, and we even hang out on the weekends a lot. Hypatia, I grew up with my sis and my mother only so I do have an idea about living with women. I thought about that when I decided to move in and thougth it would be manageable. About her personality; I suppose that I should back off a little from my previous statement because she is just starting to come out of her shell now that we all know each other. My first impressions however were not mentally stimulating.

Overall though, I guess that this made me realize I am really quite happy and fortunate to have such a place to live and I really don't want to screw it up. The whole problem here is that I just don't see it possible to have a casual thing going without someone getting attached or hurt. I think I could, but I am not sure a girl could. I don't know why I am asking for advice... I guess I just wanted to vent a little. If it does come down to it though, ill make sure that we both know what it is.

 

[zoobyshoe]

.The whole problem here is that I just don't see it possible to have a casual thing going without someone getting attached or hurt. I think I could, but I am not sure a girl could.

A girl could, and they do quite often. It is well within the range of emotions of the female psyche. You need to take the pulse of this particular girl, somehow.

 

[hypatia]

Dont take her pulse while she's sleeping..that really will freak her out.

 

[GCT]

Ehh, there's a decent chance she's just doing it for her own self-esteem anyway, so you may as well just ride it and enjoy it.

This happens ALL the time, I've seen cases where some women become suggestive even towards retarded individuals.

Russ is probably the closest to being right. Men believe that certain women are attracted to them in many cases, even when they are actually not even impressing upon them of such a notion, this has been shown to be true through various research conclusions in psychology.

One thing is for sure, she's not stupid, and women love to play games. Commanding a man's attention gives them power...the ability to induce delusions.

If you take the hit, you're going to be primarily responsible for any moral dilemas that arise out of the situation, quite frankly,

you need to allow things to develop a bit further, play around with the situation yourself. As a new roommate you're going to need to develop a formal relationship, and you don't want to do so by undermining either two of the women and by unnecessary moral dilemas.

My advice to you is not to play dumb or you may be getting a BIG KICK in THE FACE sometime soon in the future.

 

[DaveC426913]

Another alternative:

Call her bluff.

She may be trying to see if she can wrap you around her finger. For some young women, this is a heady power-trip.

Make like you're going to lose control and give into your passions. Or simply make like you're about to rip off your clothes. I bet she'll fold and never bother you again.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Dont take her pulse while she's sleeping..that really will freak her out.

That is correct. After sneaking into her bedroom at 2 A.M. he should first shake her awake before grabbing her wrist.

Oh my God, I hope no one is dumb enough to ever try this.

 

[Astronuc]

After sneaking into her bedroom at 2 A.M. he should first shake her awake before grabbing her wrist.

Oh my God, I hope no one is dumb enough to ever try this.

Ummmm . . . . Tribdog. :rofl:

 

[Yonoz]

I think I could, but I am not sure a girl could.

As long as you're not misleading her it's up to her to decide, don't you think it's somewhat presumptuous not to let her make up her own mind? She has the right to make a mistake just as you do. She might feel hurt when she finds out your current interest in her is, errr, of a somewhat limited scope - but that's no fault of yours, reality bites. Whatever happens, it's not the end of the world, it's a path to maturity.

 

[Mk]

So, we seem to have two camps here, no?

There's the "go for it dude! You're young!" camp, and the "No" camp, divided into "don't hurt her feelings," and "she's manipulating you!"

We can totally cross out the "don't hurt her feelings" one—who cares?

So now we have "go for it dude!" and "she's manipulating you." The obvious thing to do is to manipulate her back while going for it.

And there's two? Oh my.

My first impressions however were not mentally stimulating.

Hehe. I know what you mean. :rofl:

 

[DaveC426913]

Whatever happens, it's not the end of the world, it's a path to maturity.

No, but it might be the end of a good living arrangement, which is the OP's one concern.

 

[Hurkyl]

We can totally cross out the "don't hurt her feelings" one—who cares?

So now we have "go for it dude!" and "she's manipulating you." The obvious thing to do is to manipulate her back while going for it.

And there's two? Oh my.

Some of us think with our brains. And you do realize we're talking about real-life people here, right?

 

[Yonoz]

No, but it might be the end of a good living arrangement, which is the OP's one concern.

That's why I think honesty is in order. If he doesn't mislead her, I don't see why that arrangement has to end. Maybe it's a cultural gap.

 

[Manchot]

Come and knock on our door,
We've been waiting for you.
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his
Three's company too.

 

[rhuthwaite]

She's playing with you. Flattering herself everytime she gets attention from you. Watch out though she migth just be a tease or unknowingly sending you the wrong signals (just being a natural flirt.) If you don't like her in that way and are enjoying being friends and room mates I would advise that you don't do anything with her past the lines of friendship.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Come and knock on our door,
We've been waiting for you.
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his
Three's company too.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Just remember to pretend you're gay when Mr. Roper comes by.

 

[Mattius_]

Ha, well basically my intuition was right, because things paced up A LOT, and A LOT faster than even my hopeful 20 year old male mind could imagine. Anyways, it was her who made the move (but apparently according to her I made the move) and as of now things stand mutually known as "roommates with accessibile fun" but already we are starting to do stuff that is more than that. We've been doing favors and talking about stuff that is very girlfriend/boyfriend like so I have my uncertainties about the scope of our relationship. I don't know, as of now things are going amazingly perfect, it is like something you would only hear about or see on TV, but I don't know what will happen if the circumstances change. Our other roommate doesn't officially know about things yet although she got home at a bad time and just went straight to her room for the night which makes me think she knew something was up. She mentioned it the next day and I just kind of denied it laughingly. We don't really feel obligated to call each other ever so I am happy and we see each other by incident rather than appointment so I guess I hope it stays that way.

 

[zoobyshoe]

"roommates with accessibile fun"

You've died and gone to heaven, son.

Just remember to yell out a "thank you" to what/whomever/the cosmos next time you're outside looking at the stars.