Attempts to balance social life/ physics

[tim_lou]

Recently, I've gotten into a kind of crisis mode. I am a third year undergraduate majoring in physics. Last semester, I've overloaded myself with graduate courses and dragged through it with good marks at the end. My social life was pretty much non-existent.

I slowly realized that I cannot continue this pattern for long (that's just not good for my mental health). This semester, I am only taking only one graduate course -- a second QFT course. However, as soon as I started to spend more time socializing with my friends, I realized a huge problem: I can no longer dedicate enough time for my classes and am falling behind in my graduate course. The whole idea was scary, and once I get into grad school, it will only get worse. I am no longer certain whether not I am willing to sacrifice the many interesting aspects of life to pursue a life of isolation and intense dedication (as a high energy theorist). I have always had to urge to study the most fundamental aspects of reality, but is it possible to balance social life with physics and still be a good theorist (I am no genius and usually do not understand ideas in like seconds)?

 

[Unknot]

No. You will not have social life. You will work all day and sleep once in a while.

What physics gives you, you can only pay back in blood


Of course, I am joking.

 

[Unknot]

Well, to be more serious. I had same problems once. I focused so much on research that I neglected doing some necessary things. I could go out once in a while, but soon I would be back in it.

I solved this crisis by slacking off my research. :uhh: But I do hope you find another approach!

 

[ice109]

just be routine about it. set aside 1 day a week for social activity, set aside an hour each day for exercise. make the most of w/e free time you have; do little things that have nothing to do with physics. e.g. I'm studying spanish and so i read a spanish paper in morning during breakfast. i listen to music while i exercise. i emphatically don't think about physics or math while doing those other things. it's worked so far during my busiest semester.

 

[PhysicalAnomaly]

My solution has been to mix business with pleasure. Form a close-knit group of friends with other physics and maths nerds and then you can socialise and study at the same time.

 

[ice109]

My solution has been to mix business with pleasure. Form a close-knit group of friends with other physics and maths nerds and then you can socialise and study at the same time.

those people are absolutely no fun to socialize with

 

[PhysicalAnomaly]

Are you serious? I don't know about your place but at my university, the most fun, sociable and cool people tend to be the physicists, engineers, lawyers and med students. They party the hardest too.

 

[Unknot]

those people are absolutely no fun to socialize with

Exactly what I was going to say. :tongue: You are really limiting your options by just socialising with one group of people... and most likely you are? studying. :uhh:

Talking to your loved one about Nash embedding theorem may be exciting, but chances of that working out is very slim.

 

[PhysicalAnomaly]

Erm... I would find that pretty romantic but that might be just me.

Well, I have other groups of friends too... but I only see them in class or at the occasional party or club night and keep in touch on msn. But at least I'll always have a ready social outlet for letting out those pent-up urges to socialise.

 

[ice109]

Are you serious? I don't know about your place but at my university, the most fun, sociable and cool people tend to be the physicists, engineers, lawyers and med students. They party the hardest too.

LOL where do you go to school? I go to one of the top football schools in the country. I've been to house parties with 20 kegs. i really don't think any of your physicists, engineers, or med students could ever match that.

you know who parties the hardest? complacent frat boys.

 

[tim_lou]

those people are absolutely no fun to socialize with

Not true at all... I have a really close group of friends who are in general physics majors and we often do mindless silly stuffs. The problem is though, once my friends are present, I cannot do any work.

 

[PhysicalAnomaly]

We don't have frats here. Which is probably for the best considering how laidback, beer and party-loving aussies are. The difference is that these people actually study though. Especially if you get with the nerd-pack. ;)

 

[tim_lou]

The question remains, is it really possible to have a good social life as a theorist? One of my friends said that a lot of the theorists are single... I'm not sure if that is true though.

 

[Unknot]

I don't know how that would be any different if you were an investment banker.

 

[ice109]

its always all about how much you're willing to sacrifice. part of me thinks this is why smarter people are more likely to succeed at such endeavors. i figure someone who's dumb could succeed at theoretical physics they would just need to sacrifice as much time as possible to do it and hence miss out on the other things in life and they don't necessarily want to do that. not saying you're stupid but it's always about prioritizing.

 

[tim_lou]

I understand the idea of sacrificing, and this is exactly where my problem lies: I really don't know how much I am willing to sacrifice and what I want to prioritize.

I used to be able to just completely fill my head with physics for days, and during weekends (Saturday+Sunday) I can just stay home and do problems/study. However, ever since I started to hang out with my friends more often, I realized that I also enjoy socializing with people. I can just spend a whole day with my friends chatting, playing some sports, or doing silly things. It's like a drug, the more I hang out with my friends, the more I want to hang out with my friends. Quite honestly, I find that aspect much more enjoyable than getting extremely frustrated on a problem, or doing an integral with 2 fold or more Feynman parametrization. This bothers me because I don't know if my goals (being a high energy theorist) are really what I want to do with my life anymore.

 

[ice109]

there's nothing wrong with that. it doesn't make you more noble to be devoted to physics. it's your life man, enjoying it is all that matters.

 

[Choppy]

Tim_lou, if you would allow me to make a simple observation... based on your first post you're in your third year of undergrad and you're taking graduate courses.

It would seem to me that the problem isn't so much trying to balance life with physics as it is you've bitten off a tough piece of meat to chew. Most graduate students only take one or two courses per semester because of the time demands. To couple that with presumably a full undergraduate course load, and the fact that you likely haven't completed the prerequisite work for the graduate classes, it's no wonder you're having trouble finding a balance.

Why put yourself through such anguish? If you're a third year student, take third and fourth year classes, do well in them, and enjoy the rest of your time.

I suspect that the reason you don't know your priorities at this point is because you're like almost every other undergraduate out there and you need some life experience to figure them out.

 

[cypherscouter]

However, ever since I started to hang out with my friends more often, I realized that I also enjoy socializing with people. I can just spend a whole day with my friends chatting, playing some sports, or doing silly things. It's like a drug, the more I hang out with my friends, the more I want to hang out with my friends. Quite honestly, I find that aspect much more enjoyable than getting extremely frustrated on a problem, or doing an integral with 2 fold or more Feynman parametrization. This bothers me because I don't know if my goals (being a high energy theorist) are really what I want to do with my life anymore.

are those friends you hang out with also physics nerds?
what are you complaining about? my physics friends don't even WANT to study together since they get more done when alone. they don't even WANT to hang out either since they live far from campus, go home on weekends, etc. its hard to make friends elsewhere since I'm was a total nerd throughout high school and most of college, but just recently decided i want to be more 'normal', so i don't relate to most college students but the unsociable nerds

since I'm about to finish my 4th year but will stay for 5th and just recently decided to go into engineering after i graduate, i don't have ANY free time as i spend it all applying for internships. hows taht for social life?

 

[Monocles]

This is pretty much a maximization problem. We don't have equations for it, so it's an experimental maximization problem. Yeah, this is a gross oversimplification, but once I started treating my time like a maximization problem I became much more efficient and get a lot more out of life. I used to be a slacker that took the minimum number of classes and spent a lot of time doing nothing, but then once I adopted this attitude I've been able to take massive courseloads of all physics/math classes, TA, research, get straight A's, and party all weekend every weekend. It's kind of taxing on the body, and requires large numbers of energy drinks, but our bodies are young and can take a beating. I ****ing love college and hope I'll never have to leave, but I know it's only a couple short years away.

Energy drinks can solve anyone's problems! (this isn't serious advice, but I will say that energy drinks are an integral part of my diet)

It probably helps that I don't take any graduate classes (yet). I'm just using myself as an example of it IS possible to balance physics and a social life, and still be setting yourself up for a rewarding career.

 

[alligatorman]

those people are absolutely no fun to socialize with

Then I guess you're no fun to socialize with either.

 

[PhysicalAnomaly]

Then I guess you're no fun to socialize with either.

Ditto to that. Physics and maths nerds are some of the most interesting people I have ever known.

 

[cristo]

LOL where do you go to school? I go to one of the top football schools in the country. I've been to house parties with 20 kegs. i really don't think any of your physicists, engineers, or med students could ever match that.

Fortunately, like Australia, there aren't any fraternities over here. However, I wouldn't be so quick to presume that people adhere to your stereotype. I know at my university, the medics were pretty much like a clique: no one works as hard as they do, so they keep themselves to themselves, but tended to drink and party a lot! I have to say that I didn't hang around with many fellow mathematicians, but the ones that I did know, along with my engineering and physicist friends could certainly "match that." It's a huge misconception that people can't have a social life as well as obtain good grades at university, and one that should be quashed!

 

[cristo]

Energy drinks can solve anyone's problems! (this isn't serious advice, but I will say that energy drinks are an integral part of my diet)

I lived off powerade in my final year at university. Fantastic if you've been out the night before and have a 9am class!

 

[lubuntu]

but just recently decided i want to be more 'normal'

Normal is so overrated.

 

[se7en]

hm, I was in the same position as the OP last semester(I am a second semester freshman). I found that what I would do on the weekends would carry over and affect how much time I put into studying. For example, I would go to a party an meet knew people and those people were not very serious about school. They usually had majors that required less effort. Soooo basically they would drink EVERY night and I was always invited. I am usually good under peer pressure but come on, i just wanted to fit in ! LOL but it got really bad when I would meet girls...talk about being whipped!...I learned the hard way that I am just not good at balancing the two, so i just accepted the fact that I NEED to study study study, and after I graduate I will socialize more...plus its more fun to party when you have money to waste(i.e dinners, buying drinks at the bar) as oppose to wasting money that you DON'T have!

 

[Monocles]

Yeah, there are about twelve billion factors to include into this maximization problem... I don't really have the problem of having friends who invite me to drink every night, because I go to an engineering school, so most of my friends are engineers who have even more work than I do! So, I don't really have to factor that in, but you might, so you need to have a bit of self control. School should still be top priority in my opinion, which means sometimes having to place friends second, but that's why you may have to tone down the amount of school down a bit. You already sound like you're WAY ahead of the game, taking QFT as a third year! I wish I were on track to do that (though I'm not terribly interested in QM, so I guess the equivalent for me would be taking advanced plasma physics or something). You can probably afford to tone school down a bit. You don't want to look back at your undergrad years and think only of toil and misery!

 

[tim_lou]

Alright, I've decided to take some positive actions to relax my schedule... I talked to my advisor and he agreed to let me drop that graduate QFT class...

Should I do it? or not?! argh... I really enjoy learning QFT but that class is moving really quickly... Perhaps too quickly for my taste. A withdrawal from a graduate course should in no way affect my grad school application, should it? I would still love to get into High Energy Theory in Princeton.

 

[NoobixCube]

If you want an awesome example of someone who balanced social life and was an amazing career just look at Richard Feynman. Read his book "surely you're joking mr feynman" he is the man, I assure you.

 

[Choppy]

Alright, I've decided to take some positive actions to relax my schedule... I talked to my advisor and he agreed to let me drop that graduate QFT class...

Should I do it? or not?! argh... I really enjoy learning QFT but that class is moving really quickly... Perhaps too quickly for my taste. A withdrawal from a graduate course should in no way affect my grad school application, should it? I would still love to get into High Energy Theory in Princeton.

Why can't you take it next year? Or simply wait until graduate school? It is unlikely to go away.

I doubt withdrawl from a graduate course would impact negatively on a graduate school application. If you speak with the professor, you could likely continue to audit the class - even if only in an unofficial capacity. That way you can keep tabs on the material, but not be weighed down by the problem sets.

 

[tim_lou]

Alright... I've talked to a theorist in our high energy department, and he said that he would not ever say that it is okay to drop a class like QFT.

He pretty much said that in order to be a theorist, I need dedication and make sacrifices. If I can't put enough effort down now, it's only going to get worse in grad school and then post doc level. I will stick to the class for another week or so, and then see what happens. Argh... no, social life is still secondary to physics. If physics is my dream, I'd just have to stick it out.

 

[cypherscouter]

after I graduate I will socialize more...!

i'd imagine it be MUCH harder to socialize after college

 

[PhysicalAnomaly]

i'd imagine it be MUCH harder to socialize after college

I'm sure there are ways. And I wouldn't put too much emphasis on huge quantities of socialising in college anyway since more often than not, it's all pretty superficial and though you may make a few new friends, they might not still be friends 5 years down the road. Socialise enough, keep in touch with close friends, make a few new ones and that's it. You don't need to see them for drinks every night and such. That sounds excessive.

And yes, QFT in 3rd year is pretty impressive.

 

[cypherscouter]

I'm sure there are ways. And I wouldn't put too much emphasis on huge quantities of socialising in college anyway since more often than not, it's all pretty superficial and though you may make a few new friends, they might not still be friends 5 years down the road. Socialise enough, keep in touch with close friends, make a few new ones and that's it. You don't need to see them for drinks every night and such. That sounds excessive.

And yes, QFT in 3rd year is pretty impressive.

well in grad school, yes, i can see it being easy to make friends with the other guys there. but where are you going to find dating opportunities? especially since i assume most of the guys in this forum are physics/engineering, so there's hardly any girls there. we're probably more likely to be atheist, so going to church is another option not open to us

even worse if we enter the workforce instead of grad school. mostly married adults as co-workers.

 

[tim_lou]

well in grad school, yes, i can see it being easy to make friends with the other guys there. but where are you going to find dating opportunities? especially since i assume most of the guys in this forum are physics/engineering, so there's hardly any girls there. we're probably more likely to be atheist, so going to church is another option not open to us

even worse if we enter the workforce instead of grad school. mostly married adults as co-workers.

yeah... definitely a problem. A lot of dedicated physics major (including myself) tend to overlook stuffs regarding relationships, but as a human being, it is still an important part of living a fulfilling life.