- #386
Ivan Seeking
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
Gold Member
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jtbell said:A minister, a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were waiting to be executed at the guillotine.
First up was the minister. The executioner asked, "Do you want to lie face up or face down?" The minister replied "Face down." He was put in position, the executioner released the rope, and the blade rattled to a stop halfway down. The executioner said, "Apparently it is the will of God that you should remain alive, so you may go free."
Next came the doctor. The same sequence of events took place.
Next came the lawyer. The same sequence of events took place.
Next came the engineer. The executioner asked, "Do you want to lie face up or face down?" The engineer replied "Face up." The watching crowd murmured, "Oooh, see how brave he is." Just as the executioner was about to release the rope, the engineer cried out:
"Wait a minute, wait a minute! I think I see what your problem is!"
IMP said:An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special. At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!'
All Seniors Aren't Senile
Borg said:An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you''re an engineer--you're in the wrong place."
Ivan Seeking said:That St. Peter, he can't remember a damned thing!
Borg said:Or that something wasn't damned. :tongue:
Artman said:A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill."
Good one, but nobody tells it as well as Gary Larson:Ivan Seeking said:Why do polar bears love igloos?
Redbelly98 said:Good one, but nobody tells it as well as Gary Larson:
gravenewworld said:BREAKING NEWS:
That actress Reese, can't think of her last name, just stabbed herself. Man I didn't see that one coming at all.
Ivan Seeking said:Engineer A rides up to Engineer B, on a bicycle. B asked A where he got the bike. "It was amasing", said A, "this beautiful woman rode up to me on this bicycle, jumped off, ripped off her clothes, and said to take whatever I want".
"Good choice", said B, "What would you do with women's clothing?"