Collection of Lame Jokes

[256bits]

and Maybe lowering its body temperature would make it more docile.

The bunny ears gives it the look of being docile.
It is hoping its buddies don't see it like that

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What I would like to know is how they put that bunny ear thing around its head without losing at least a finger.

What makes you think they didn't?! ... (or even arm or leg)

 

[Ibix]

What makes you think they didn't?! ... (or even arm or leg)

Lack of blood on the gator, unless they lost a finger but decided to clean its teeth afterwards.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What's the new, modern, 21st century way to know if a joke is funny?

Spoiler

You google it, to see if you can laugh! ...

 

[davenn]

haha

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

Background: Hash Browns Recalled Over ‘Extraneous Golf Ball Materials’ (snopes.com)

Q: What should you do with golf balls in your hash browns?

A: Just let them play through.

 

[davenn]

Background: Hash Browns Recalled Over ‘Extraneous Golf Ball Materials’ (snopes.com)

far out !

Q: What should you do with golf balls in your hash browns?

A: Just let them play through.

haha

 

[davenn]

Another with a trespassing theme

 

[DrClaude]

Another with a trespassing theme

 

[davenn]

haha
and another on that theme ...

 

[fresh_42]

haha
and another on that theme ...

And some of them are liars!

 

[dkotschessaa]

While we're on signs. My favorite.

 

[fresh_42]

While we're on signs. My favorite.

From this category, my favorite one is this (and I actually know such a place here):

 

[dkotschessaa]

From this category, my favorite one is this (and I actually know such a place here):

View attachment 197129

You might need to explain that one to me.

 

[fresh_42]

You might need to explain that one to me.

The lower one sets a speed limit to $30 \frac{km}{h}$ and the upper one releases the same speed limit, saying the zone where it was valid ended here. I know a street where the lower one is on the right side of the road and the upper exactly at the same place on the left side of the road. And yes, they are both within city limits, so no change of administration at this point.

Edit: We basically use symbols and signs instead of written texts as in the US. Driving in the states has been pretty challenging, because one always had to squint: reading texts every five meters with your right eye, like reading a newspaper, and looking at the tachometer with your left, since speed limits in cities sometimes changed every 200 meters, depending on what kind of building or park there was: 30 - 15 - 45 - 15 - 25 etc. and always several lines of text! What a terrible, terrible way of driving.

 

[phinds]

Driving in the states has been pretty challenging, because one always had to squint: reading texts every five meters with your right eye, like reading a newspaper, and looking at the tachometer with your left, since speed limits in cities sometimes changed every 200 meters, depending on what kind of building or park there was: 30 - 15 - 45 - 15 - 25 etc. and always several lines of text! What a terrible, terrible way of driving.

It's even more fun at some big interchanges when you're trying to figure out what ramp/exit to take and there are 15 different signs you have to decipher while going 60mph

 

[BillTre]

Here is one of my favorite signs.
I have no idea where it came from.

 

[DrGreg]

The lower one sets a speed limit to $30 \frac{km}{h}$ and the upper one releases the same speed limit, saying the zone where it was valid ended here. I know a street where the lower one is on the right side of the road and the upper exactly at the same place on the left side of the road. And yes, they are both within city limits, so no change of administration at this point.

Two thoughts on this.

1. Could one of the signs have been turned round by vandals so it is facing the wrong way?
2. In your country is there any difference between a "30 km/h" limit and a "30 km/h zone"?

 

[fresh_42]

Two thoughts on this.
Could one of the signs have been turned round by vandals so it is facing the wrong way?

Unfortunately not. This wasn't a fake photo. It's simply that some bureaucrats decided to put in a speed limit without
a) ever have seen the actual place other than on street maps, and
b) have therefore no idea what has been set any time earlier. And
c) the guys who installed it simply did what they've been told to do.

In your country is there any difference between a "30 km/h" limit and a "30 km/h zone"?

Not in the sense that it makes a difference. A "30 zone" is usually merely a short range where schools are, children play, noise should be avoided or such. It's similar to the 15 areas in the states and which are separated from the general 50 restriction within city limits. A limit of 30 which is no a "zone" is often due to bad roads and it's validity depends on the road conditions. The "zone" thingy came up in the 80's (I think) and since then they often end with this "zone" text, especially when it affected housing areas or roads on which children may play.

 

[fresh_42]

On this occasion I want to remind of this sign:

There was a road sign put up, which became famous at least in the UK, which says "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only". Being in Wales, the sign is bilingual and says, in Welsh, "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated."

Reference: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/7702913.stm.

Or as DeForest Kelley has put it:
"The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe."

 

[mfb]

A "30 zone" is usually merely a short range where schools are, children play, noise should be avoided or such.

It can be much larger. Often everything apart from the main roads is part of a "30 zone".

The sign combination does have a meaning. If you turn left or right within a "30 zone", then you are still in the 30 zone, and the speed limit is 30. If you turn left or right after a "speed limit 30 sign", you are at a different road where the other speed limit does not apply any more (you can now drive 50). You could simply extend the 30 zone to the next intersection to have the same effect, however.

Another interesting combination is "end of 30 zone" and "drive carefully, school nearby".

All values in km/h, of course.

 

[fresh_42]

The "F" in Monday stands for "fun".

 

[mfb]

The first of May stands for public holiday!

 

[Stavros Kiri]

The "F" in Monday stands for "fun".

No, that would be the "F" in Friday, ... + fish Fry
(Fryday...)

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

We've had a week of rain here. Normally, no problem. However, Tuesday night I spotted a car on the side of the road and pulled over immediately. The driver is an RN who specializes in at-home births. If she was out it meant business. I walked back to her car and tapped on the window.

"You okay?"

"NO! This stupid car keeps stalling on me. I can drive for one minute then I have to sit for five until it wills start again."

"No prob. Take my car. I'll take yours to my house and you can return my car and get a ride home. I'll call the garage to come get yours tomorrow."

She thanked me profusely and sped away in my Charger.

As I got into her '67 Camaro and got going it struck me, "Here I am 66 years old and I'm finally driving a midwife crisis car."

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

What has an empty black robe and is never going to give you up, never going to let you down?

Spoiler

A Rickwraith (or Naztlêy, in the language of Mordor).

 

[EnumaElish]

View attachment 199470

Got a chuckle

 

[nuuskur]

What is yellow, linear, normed and complete?

A Bananach space!

 

[Stavros Kiri]

The first of May stands for public holiday!

No, it's actually my birthday!

Also:

Edit: We basically use symbols and signs instead of written texts as in the US. Driving in the states has been pretty challenging, because one always had to squint: reading texts every five meters with your right eye, like reading a newspaper, and looking at the tachometer with your left, since speed limits in cities sometimes changed every 200 meters, depending on what kind of building or park there was: 30 - 15 - 45 - 15 - 25 etc. and always several lines of text! What a terrible, terrible way of driving.

I disagree. Reading (short texts) is easier than remembering a whole bunch of signs (you have to take extra tests for the latter). All you need to know is English (for the former).

That explains why foreign country (e.g. European) driver's licences are normally accepted in the US, but I think usually not vice versa ... (e.g. because Americans visiting other countries are not used to signs).

 

[fresh_42]

I disagree. Reading (short texts) is easier than remembering a whole bunch of signs (you have to take extra tests for the latter). All you need to know is English (for the former).

Nope.

1. Signs are faster to recognize. That's why we have icons and pictographs.
2. You need to be able to read in the first place! (Think of all the blind people!)
3. You need to be able to understand an eventually foreign language and its entire vocabulary (for you cannot know which words occur and which won't).
4. You need to be able to read fast, cause often there are a few lines to recognize and only seconds within sight. (I often missed the last line.)
5. There have been places with several signs in a row, which almost made it impossible to read all of them while still concentrating on traffic.

All of this is a consequence of the American attitude, that there are no foreigners at all in their country. (This is only my opinion based on my experiences visited a small US town - est. 200,000.)

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Nope.

1. ...
2. ...
3. ...
4. ...
5. ...

All of this is a consequence of the American attitude, that there are no foreigners at all in their country. (This is only my opinion based on my experiences visited a small US town - est. 200,000.)

1. We are talking about short basic texts ... vs signs that some (if you don't know them well) are vague and far from what they want to represent (not the obvious ones of course).
2. How would blind people read anyway? (on the road I mean). Plus nowdays most people read basic English, while not all drivers remember the signs and the e.g. 20 years ago tests ...
If you pay attention and use them you remember the signs of course, but I know many drivers that they never do ... (that's why we have accidents).
3. It's basic English (e.g. "No Turns") ... short and obvious usually.
4., 5. I partially agree, but sometimes similar problems with signs ...

In US most are foreigners ! (so to speak; if not first ... 2nd and 3rd generations). And, IMO, US people usually welcome foreigners, as long as they are legal ... (ethnic variety is broad anyway).

[But I don't want to stay off-topic anymore]

 

[mfb]

The important signs are very similar in most parts of the world. You have to learn them once, but that is no problem, and you don't forget how a stop sign looks like for example.

You know English, and you are used to the traffic signs - but that is not the only perspective that matters here. Imagine you go to Japan and all Japanese traffic signs would be in Japanese text only. Can you see an issue?

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Blind people can't read a sign nor recognize the shape.