Collection of Lame Jokes

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In summary: It's a humor that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness. It's not for everyone.Not a fan of surrealism, I take it?In summary, surrealism is an art form that relies on absurdity and unexpectedness, often producing incongruous imagery or effects. It may not be appreciated by everyone, but for those who do, it can be quite humorous.
  • #4,376
Ibix said:
...or places you still work at. :headbang:
I do that often enough anyway :frown:
 
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  • #4,377
Ibix said:
A duck-billed flatypus.
This reminds me of an anecdote told by Herman "Pat" Herst Jr., a long-time stamp collector, dealer and author of several books about the hobby. He was once invited to a elementary-school class (third grade, maybe) to talk about stamp collecting. One of the students introduced him to the rest of the class as a "well-known platypus."
 
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  • #4,378
jtbell said:
This reminds me of an anecdote told by Herman "Pat" Herst Jr., a long-time stamp collector, dealer and author of several books about the hobby. He was once invited to a elementary-school class (third grade, maybe) to talk about stamp collecting. One of the students introduced him to the rest of the class as a "well-known platypus."
Just goes to show - philately will get you nowhere.
 
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  • #4,379
davenn said:
I do that often enough anyway :frown:
Sorry to hear that - that's not so much fun.
 
  • #4,380
Another story from "Pat" Herst. He was friends with a stamp dealer who also owned or worked for an auction house that dealt with antiques etc. This guy once received a letter from someone who wanted him to appraise an old, beautiful and possibly valuable bowel that had been in the family for generations.
 
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  • #4,381
fresh_42 said:
... or throw covertly condoms or pregnancy tests in a shopping cart of a couple.
Or a teenage girl shopping with her mother?
 
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  • #4,382
Borg said:
Or a teenage girl shopping with her mother?
I think father would be more efficient, but mother might work as well.
 
  • #4,383
My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing
 
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  • #4,384
I-Love-Maths2 said:
My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing
That's amazing! Ask her for the symbol for coefficient of friction.
 
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  • #4,385
Ibix said:
That's amazing! Ask her for the symbol for coefficient of friction.
I once had one who was a pro in stochastic. Unfortunately she only knew one distribution.
Hump%20Day.png

(Source: http://denverpetsupply.net/blog/7204/Hump-Day)
 

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  • #4,387
Surgeon to Mr. Smith (who just had a demanding surgery performed to him):
"Mr. Smith, I'm really sorry, we're going to have to operate on you again tomorrow!"
(Smith:) What!? Why? No way!
(Surgeon:) I'm really sorry Mr. Smith! Unfortunatelly we forgot a pair of plastic surgical gloves inside you! ...
(Smith:) What!? I don't get it! And why? Is that too big of a deal to just charge my account for an extra $1 and buy new ones?!
 
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  • #4,388
What do you call an 800lb gorilla with a machine gun?

Sir.

What do you call a deaf gorilla?

Anything you like - gorillas can't read lips.
 
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  • #4,389
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is an animal that weighs over a ton. A Zippo is a little lighter.
 
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  • #4,390
Mark44 said:
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is an animal that weighs over a ton. A Zippo is a little lighter.
an oldie but a goodie, makes me giggle every time :smile:
 
  • #4,391
cut off by a red sports car.jpg
 

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  • #4,392
if you know.jpg
 

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  • #4,393
davenn said:
Seems familiar! ... But please help me out here. Perhaps it's just that dementia starting! ...

Mark44 said:
a little lighter
"a little lighter"? ... or just a lighter?
 
  • #4,394
Stavros Kiri said:
"a little lighter"? ... or just a lighter?
Apparently you didn't get it ...
 
  • #4,395
Mark44 said:
Apparently you didn't get it ...
Don't be so sure. I just gave a different angle ...
 
  • #4,396
Mark44 said:
Apparently you didn't get it ...

Stavros Kiri said:
Don't be so sure. I just gave a different angle ...
A "different angle" that completely misses and detracts from the joke. Changing the punch line to "just a lighter" loses the play on words that "a little lighter has."
 
  • #4,397
Mark44 said:
A "different angle" that completely misses and detracts from the joke. Changing the punch line to "just a lighter" loses the play on words that "a little lighter has."
Your joke is still there, and I liked it!
 
  • #4,398
29025422_160669974635710_2618813127134806016_n.jpg
 

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  • #4,399
Huh.
I thought he had 2 brothers - Raymond being the only actor.
The second, younger, ended up working in a tire factory, and worked his way up.
His name, would you know it, was Rob.
:rolleyes:
 
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  • #4,400
256bits said:
His name, would you know it, was Rob.

I heard he worked at a bank. Only for a day though.
 
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  • #4,401
Don't forget his sister... De. . o_O . :-p
 
  • #4,402
That reminds me of the armed robber, whose relatives were all armed police officers.

He died recently, surrounded by his family.Joke credit: Milton Jones
 
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  • #4,403
OCR said:
Don't forget his sister... De. . o_O . :-p

De Burr?
 
  • #4,404
Drakkith said:
De Burr?
.
:check:
 
  • #4,405
Are these jokes?
 
  • #4,406
@OCR I'm not sure I get it.

Stavros Kiri said:
Are these jokes?

The are absolutely most likely possibly jokes.
 
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  • #4,407
Drakkith said:
possibly
Potentially, in a modal sense, there's a chance that everything could likely, probably, be a joke to somebody, at some point with a certain probability corroborated against to/versus a certain degree of certainty, providing also, at that particular moment, that the particular person actually really gets the joke ... !
[And I have no clue for the ~ last 7 posts ... but that's ok ... it's still fun! ...]
 
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  • #4,408
Drakkith said:
OCR I'm not sure I get it.
Yes, it's lame... . :oops:
 
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  • #4,409
another reason why ...

ladders.jpg
 

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  • #4,410
davenn said:
another reason why ...

View attachment 221901
Yeah. They really need another stepladder cable-tied (!) to the side so it can lean against the back wall, for lateral stability.
 
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