Why Do Women Fall for Bad Boys Despite Knowing Better?

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In summary, women are often attracted to confident and assertive men, which can sometimes manifest as a "bad boy" image. However, this does not necessarily mean they are attracted to actual bad behavior. Some women may also have low self-esteem and fall for emotionally abusive men, while others may fall for the wrong type due to societal pressures or past experiences. Ultimately, it's important for women to have healthy self-esteem and be able to recognize the difference between confidence and arrogance in a potential partner.
  • #1
qspeechc
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I understand why women like tall, muscular, wealthy men, but why do (most) women like bad boys? Countless times we hear women saying they know a certain type of man is bad for them but they keep falling for them, why is this? "Nice guys finish last" is a cliche because it's largely true.
There was a study, which I cannot find, which showed that women will date the bad boy then marry the quiet, nice nerd, but then still go out and have an affair with some tall muscular man.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself because I'm not a bad boy, btw, I'm ok with who I am.
 
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  • #2
This is such a misconception about women. Only women with low self esteem look for emotionally abusive men. I know of that "study", it was debunked, it was a poll taken of 100 18-21 year old female college students.
 
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  • #3
It's not so much 'bad boys' but girls IMO tend to like guys that are extremely confident. Confident guys tend to carry around that 'bad boy' look.
 
  • #4
zomgwtf said:
It's not so much 'bad boys' but girls IMO tend to like guys that are extremely confident. Confident guys tend to carry around that 'bad boy' look.
I would agree that most women would prefer a confident man, someone with a backbone, someone that can make decisions and take action. But confidence, not arrogance, some people don't know the difference.
 
  • #5
Evo said:
Only women with self esteem look for emotionally abusive men.

I think the word "low" is missing somewhere. :smile:
 
  • #6
Vanadium 50 said:
I think the word "low" is missing somewhere. :smile:
Ok, I was swallowing some tea, I really do need to put a tarp over my keyboard.

Fixed.
 
  • #7
Evo said:
I would agree that most women would prefer a confident man, someone with a backbone, someone that can make decisions and take action. But confidence, not arrogance, some people don't know the difference.

More details:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0805088342/?tag=pfamazon01-20

I will be wiser in a few weeks, I plan to read the book.
 
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  • #8
Borek said:
More details:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0805088342/?tag=pfamazon01-20

I will be wiser in a few weeks, I plan to read the book.
:biggrin:

If all women thought alike, a book would indeed be helpful.

How about "all women use sex to trap a husband, once they're married they lose interest". This one is actually true. :wink:
 
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  • #9
Evo said:
I would agree that most women would prefer a confident man, someone with a backbone, someone that can make decisions and take action. But confidence, not arrogance, some people don't know the difference.

Evo's post is very similar to my wife's response to this question.

Summarizing a recent conversation with my wife about this very issue:

She said that it's comforting to know that if a situation were to arise where we were in danger, that I could be trusted to do everything in my power to ensure the safety of not just myself, but her as well, and that she would not be alone in fighting for a solution.

The "bad boy" image can be displayed in ways that don't break laws, such as stepping in and telling her father that I will not stand for him talking to her in the way he does, which is something I had to do during the last family get-together. He was being incredibly disrespectful and very rude, and I had heard enough. I'm one of the very few who will stand up to him; a 300 pound, successful, defense lawyer. He is loud, intimidating, and very aggressive in all facets of communication, and doesn't care about people's personal boundaries. I'm simply not intimidated by his intellect or physical size, nor do I care what he thinks of me; however, I always do my best to communicate with respect. She says it is for this very reason that he has a great deal of respect for me.

To often we think of a "bad boy" as someone with a criminal record, scars from knife/gun fights, a foul mouth, rebellious attitude, and a bunch of tattoos. While these things can communicate a degree of safety and protection, they do so at such an extreme, that it is likely to be too extreme, and often backfires, which can result in unhealthy relationships and behavior that jeopardizes anyone involved with them.

A person doesn't need to have a partner who is dangerous and rebellious in order to feel secure; it is quite possible, and highly advisable, to find someone who will fulfill this desire in a mature, wise, and selfless manner.
 
  • #10
Evo said:
If all women thought alike, a book would indeed be helpful.

How about "all women use sex to trap a husband, once they're married they lose interest". This one is actually true. :wink:

I have already browsed, from what I have seen this particular case is described as well. I am not sure if there are any statistical data given, but variability of the reasons listed seems to be overwhelming.

And fact that confident men are seen as more attractive is there also.
 
  • #11
Evo said:
But confidence, not arrogance, some people don't know the difference.

Since, presumably, "people" includes "women", some women don't know the difference between arrogance and confidence, either.

And thus, they DO fall for the genuinely "bad" boys...
 
  • #12
arildno said:
Since, presumably, "people" includes "women", some women don't know the difference between arrogance and confidence, either.

And thus, they DO fall for the genuinely "bad" boys...

True.

Like others here, I think it's not "bad" vs "good", but alpha vs. beta males. Women prefer alphas.
 
  • #13
arildno said:
Since, presumably, "people" includes "women", some women don't know the difference between arrogance and confidence, either.

And thus, they DO fall for the genuinely "bad" boys...
And some women allow themselves to get into abusive relationships because they don't have enough self esteem to get out at the first sign. I always told my girls that NO ONE has the right to touch you in any way you do not like and the same thing goes for how they talk to you or show respect for you.

Unfortunately a lot of girls do not have positive role models, or were raised in an abusive home and think that's all they deserve, some are just braindead bimbos.

I still believe that the majority of women, based on my personal experience, have brains and self esteem.
 
  • #14
qspeechc said:
I understand why women like tall, muscular, wealthy men, but why do (most) women like bad boys?

. . . she purposely pursues him and wins for her prize, his dominant genes for her offspring . . .
 
  • #15
jackmell said:
. . . she purposely pursues him and wins for her prize, his dominant genes for her offspring . . .
You're suggesting women want their children to be morons?
 
  • #16
Evo said:
You're suggesting women want their children to be morons?

. . . not gonna' win a biology fight with me Ms. Evo. Wait . . . that's arrogance isn't it? Dang it! Hate when that happens. Where was I? . . . oh yeah, my answer is no. I'm simply suggesting women want healthy babies with fit, successful, healthy genes or at least they should want them to improve the chance of their children surviving. I never implied that was the bad-boy however and if she is perceived as desiring him, then perhaps some of his qualities might meet her requirements in that pursuit.
 
  • #17
jackmell said:
. . . not gonna' win a biology fight with me Ms. Evo. Wait . . . that's arrogance isn't it? Dang it! Hate when that happens. Where was I? . . . oh yeah, my answer is no. I'm simply suggesting women want healthy babies with fit, successful, healthy genes or at least they should want them to improve the chance of their children surviving. I never implied that was the bad-boy however and if she is perceived as desiring him, then perhaps some of his qualities might meet her requirements in that pursuit.
The question you responded to was
but why do (most) women like bad boys?

Someone has to breed the lower end of the spectrum, I guess.
 
  • #18
Evo said:
The question you responded to was

Someone has to breed the lower end of the spectrum, I guess.

Not sure what you mean by that and I am playing about the "winning" thing just so I could use the "arrogance" thing. I do kinda' play some in here and hope it's not taken too serious.
 
  • #19
I am bad but not very popular among girls :cry:


I think being a drug addict, lack of responsibility, arrogance, or involved in violence does not necessarily make one bad. There are far too many other things like emotionally inapproachable, too independent, less attached etc that can make one bad.

I think bringing humor to any kind of situation and emotionally relating to others are very good qualities, and girls do love these kind of guys.

Edit: added necessarily.
 
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  • #20
rootX said:
I think being a drug addict, lack of responsibility, arrogance, or involved in violence does not make one bad. There are far too many other things like emotionally inapproachable, too independent, less attached etc that can make one bad.
I think you got that backwards. :bugeye:
 
  • #21
I think there is a missing word or two or few.

I think it meant to be more along the lines of "I think being a drug addict, lack of responsibility, arrogance, or involved in violence aren't the only ways that make one bad. There are far too many . . . . "

'Necessarily' isn't the missing word.
 
  • #22
Evo said:
I think you got that backwards. :bugeye:

*fixed.

I would argue that being arrogant or involved in harmful activities isn't much related to the capability of getting into a successful relationship.
 
  • #23
rootX said:
*fixed.

I would argue that being arrogant or involved in harmful activities isn't much related to the capability of getting into a successful relationship.
Umm - what?! I think it depends on what one means by 'successful'. I could see that one could successfully get into a relationship, but I suspect such a relationship would be short term. Then again, there have been long term dysfunctional (codependent) relationships that are ulimately destructive to the participants.

Being arrogant or involved in harmful activities are indications of a personality disorder or dysfunctional mind. 'Being involved in harmful activities' would seem to imply either a self-destructive tendency, or injurious to others, and that doesn't make for a successful relationship for well-adjusted people.
 
  • #24
Astronuc said:
I think there is a missing word or two or few.

I think it meant to be more along the lines of "I think being a drug addict, lack of responsibility, arrogance, or involved in violence aren't the only ways that make one bad. There are far too many . . . . "

'Necessarily' isn't the missing word.
Yeah, it's still wrong.
 
  • #25
qspeechc said:
There was a study, which I cannot find, which showed that women will date the bad boy then marry the quiet, nice nerd, but then still go out and have an affair with some tall muscular man.

Can you blame them ? :devil:
 
  • #26
I think you're all off subject. "Bad boy" is does not mean abusive but lawless. A man that is lawless and perceived as successful at it has desirable survive-and-thrive characteristics for your offspring. Marry the nerd for his gold, chuckold him with the survivalist for your offspring. And whatever you do, don't marry the lawless man; he's got nothing for you. You need the nerd for that. Any objections to this strategy ladies?

It's your turn, Evo.
 
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  • #27
Regarding women who like bad boys, one could argue that they do so because they think they can change them. But they can't.
 
  • #28
Phrak said:
I think you're all off subject. "Bad boy" is does not mean abusive but lawless. A man that is lawless and perceived as successful at it has desirable survive-and-thrive characteristics for your offspring. Marry the nerd for his gold, chuckold him with the survivalist for your offspring. And whatever you do, don't marry the lawless man; he's got nothing for you. You need the nerd for that. Any objections to this strategy ladies?

. . . wait, Bookmarks . . . Google . . . chuckold . . . oh, great, you mean cheat on him? While I do approve of the raw Darwinian undercurrent you imply, I have a problem with the cheating. Does a broken marriage contribute to the survival and reproductive success of the offspring in a modern human culture? I'd have to say in some ways at least it is deleterious to their success although the traits contributed by the bad-boy may in some cases offset this what I believe to be a harmful effect.
 
  • #29
jackmell said:
While I do approve of the raw Darwinian undercurrent you imply, I have a problem with the cheating. Does a broken marriage contribute to the survival and reproductive success of the offspring in a modern human culture? I'd have to say in some ways at least it is deleterious to their success although the traits contributed by the bad-boy may in some cases offset this what I believe to be a harmful effect.
When this happens, the marriage doesn't get broken :P The cheated man simply raises the offspring like his own, completely oblivious to the truth. He was played , and many won't ever realize it. They'll love their wife, they will love the kid and push resources in him like in its own and die happy. And no, it doesn't happen so seldom that is negligible.

The strategy is good, you get a set of genes from one man and resource support from another. Not without risk, since uncovering the truth will cut the women from the resources for which she stays in the marriage. But the risk is sometimes worth it. I've heard estimates
that about 3.8% of the man raise another man's offspring.

Cheating is easier to get away with than most ppl seem to believe. It's very easy to cheat and never be caught, both for a man and a women.
 
  • #30
radou said:
Regarding women who like bad boys, one could argue that they do so because they think they can change them. But they can't.

Okay, think about that for just two seconds, radou. When you like something, it's because it is what it is the way it is, yes? For instance: you like chocolate cake because it is chocolate cake. You don't think to yourself, "Yeah I like this chocolate cake because, if I try really, really hard, I can make it into banana cream pie. Mmmhm. I like me some chocolate cake so I can have that pie."

*That's* pretty much your theory. Which, wrong. Sorry, but no. Women, and especially younger women, tend to like or enjoy "bad boys" because of the "lawless" quality someone else pointed out. Some young women can live out their rebellion streak vicariously through these guys who are "edgy" and flaunt authority. They tend to be, yeah, self-confident, and that's pretty darned attractive too. They push the boundaries of regular, vanilla, quiet social acceptability and conformity and, yeah, that can be appealing too to to go along on that ride with someone.

An attraction to "bad boys" does not equal a propensity for abuse. It's, a lot of the time, just an opportunity to explore one's own sense of wanting to explore the boundaries of society and finding someone to take you there. It's about rebellion.

And eventually, we all grow out of that, find the value in a certain amount of conformity that we can live with, and get on with our lives.
 
  • #31
Men like bitchy women for the same reason women love bad boys. It's the conquest, the game that's appealing. From my experience, I don't think all women like bad boys. I think it's just the confidence of bad boys that's appealing.
 
  • #32
In my motorcycling days i could pick up girls quite easily, but lost them just as quick, i guess girls just do not like gravel rash.
 
  • #33
I think the OP is interested in bad women. :biggrin:
 
  • #34
Phrak said:
I think you're all off subject. "Bad boy" is does not mean abusive but lawless. A man that is lawless and perceived as successful at it has desirable survive-and-thrive characteristics for your offspring. ...
:confused:

Did you read all of the posts? I don't think anyone is off-topic. Most, if not all, of the responses state (whether explicitly or implicitly) that there are multiple traits which contribute to the the bad-boy image, abusive being one of them, not the only one.

I would also say that if one is lawless, one is likely going to disregard other people's needs and boundaries, and that is a form of abuse. Abuse isn't just physical violence; it can be verbal, emotional, and intellectual*.

* Constantly making someone feel like an idiot and/or incompetent in an effort to artificially boost one's self-esteem. (usually coupled with verbal abuse)
 
  • #35
DanP said:
Can you blame them ? :devil:

Yes? With that mentality I might as well go find a slut that shows off plenty of skin to have an affair with once my future wife starts to lose her looks.
 
<h2>1. Why do women seem to be attracted to "bad boys"?</h2><p>There are a few potential reasons for this phenomenon. One is that "bad boys" often exude confidence and a sense of danger, which can be appealing to some women. Additionally, societal norms and media portrayals often romanticize the idea of a rebellious, unpredictable man. Finally, some women may be drawn to the challenge of trying to change or "fix" a "bad boy."</p><h2>2. Do women consciously choose to be with "bad boys"?</h2><p>It's difficult to make a generalization about all women, as each person's preferences and motivations are unique. However, some women may be aware of their attraction to "bad boys" and actively seek them out, while others may not consciously realize it until after they have already become involved with one.</p><h2>3. Are women more likely to fall for "bad boys" when they are younger?</h2><p>Research suggests that women may be more likely to be attracted to "bad boys" during their teenage years and early twenties, when they are still exploring their own identity and may be more open to taking risks and trying new things. However, this is not a universal experience and some women may continue to be attracted to "bad boys" throughout their lives.</p><h2>4. Is it possible for a woman to change a "bad boy" into a better partner?</h2><p>While it is possible for anyone to change and improve themselves, it is not fair or healthy to enter a relationship with the expectation of changing someone. Additionally, "bad boy" behavior is often deeply ingrained and may not be easily changed. It is important for individuals to prioritize their own well-being and not stay in a toxic or unhealthy relationship in hopes of changing their partner.</p><h2>5. Are there any benefits to being with a "bad boy"?</h2><p>Some women may enjoy the excitement and thrill of being with a "bad boy," while others may appreciate their confidence and assertiveness. However, it is important to note that these potential benefits should not outweigh the potential negative consequences of being in a relationship with someone who engages in harmful or destructive behavior.</p>

1. Why do women seem to be attracted to "bad boys"?

There are a few potential reasons for this phenomenon. One is that "bad boys" often exude confidence and a sense of danger, which can be appealing to some women. Additionally, societal norms and media portrayals often romanticize the idea of a rebellious, unpredictable man. Finally, some women may be drawn to the challenge of trying to change or "fix" a "bad boy."

2. Do women consciously choose to be with "bad boys"?

It's difficult to make a generalization about all women, as each person's preferences and motivations are unique. However, some women may be aware of their attraction to "bad boys" and actively seek them out, while others may not consciously realize it until after they have already become involved with one.

3. Are women more likely to fall for "bad boys" when they are younger?

Research suggests that women may be more likely to be attracted to "bad boys" during their teenage years and early twenties, when they are still exploring their own identity and may be more open to taking risks and trying new things. However, this is not a universal experience and some women may continue to be attracted to "bad boys" throughout their lives.

4. Is it possible for a woman to change a "bad boy" into a better partner?

While it is possible for anyone to change and improve themselves, it is not fair or healthy to enter a relationship with the expectation of changing someone. Additionally, "bad boy" behavior is often deeply ingrained and may not be easily changed. It is important for individuals to prioritize their own well-being and not stay in a toxic or unhealthy relationship in hopes of changing their partner.

5. Are there any benefits to being with a "bad boy"?

Some women may enjoy the excitement and thrill of being with a "bad boy," while others may appreciate their confidence and assertiveness. However, it is important to note that these potential benefits should not outweigh the potential negative consequences of being in a relationship with someone who engages in harmful or destructive behavior.

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