Girlfriend leaves me for no apparent reason

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In summary: I'll get over it.In summary, Lendav's girlfriend broke up with him 5 days after he came back to school, saying that the guy she had been dating asked her out and she said yes. He is angry and feels deceived, and it will take time for him to get over the breakup.
  • #1
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So I just got back up to school after spending a week back home with my girlfriend. We had no fights nor arguments, and got to spend some quality time together.

So yesterday, just 5 days after leaving to come back to school, she calls me to say 'Hey, this guy in my class asked me on a date and I said yes, I like him.''

So I basically said ''don't ever call me again''

Anyways, naturally I'm going through a whirlwind right now, mixed feelings of anger, extreme anger, sadness, hopelessness, feeling deceived, and all else that comes with a ''break up''.

I just don't know why this could have happened, we haven't even had a fight in a long time. It just makes no sense to me. I said why would you do this and she says

''I can't control my feelings''. I said why didn't you tell the guy you had a boyfriend, and her response is ''he never asked me if I did''. I was just bamboozled by that response
 
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  • #2
I'm afraid the truth is sometimes painful. Of course, we don't have any idea what happened. You want wild guesses? My wild guess is that she liked you, but she had decided at some point, not as a boyfriend. It's rotten that she didn't have the nerve to tell you sooner and more tactfully.

Time heals all wounds. It will take time. You will get past this and find someone else and you may even forget that she ever existed. I don't remember most of the guys I dated.
 
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  • #3
It's strange, because we had a good time when I was back for spring break, and were intimate and all of that. I wonder if the fact that we are long distance now that I have moved for school has just taken a toll and she wants somebody that will be with her all the time, instead of only on breaks from school.
 
  • #4
We would have no idea, but a lot of people can't handle long distance relationships, so, yes, that could be the reason. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.
 
  • #5
She doesn't sound to be too mature in the head, if you ask me you caught a lucky break. When she said she was asked out and that she said yes, you could have have had fun with the situation a bit. I fail to understand how you emotionally got so involved with her if your last conversation sounded as if you two were friends.
 
  • #6
Maylis said:
So I just got back up to school after spending a week back home with my girlfriend. We had no fights nor arguments, and got to spend some quality time together.

So yesterday, just 5 days after leaving to come back to school, she calls me to say 'Hey, this guy in my class asked me on a date and I said yes, I like him.''

So I basically said ''don't ever call me again''

Anyways, naturally I'm going through a whirlwind right now, mixed feelings of anger, extreme anger, sadness, hopelessness, feeling deceived, and all else that comes with a ''break up''.

I just don't know why this could have happened, we haven't even had a fight in a long time. It just makes no sense to me. I said why would you do this and she says

''I can't control my feelings''. I said why didn't you tell the guy you had a boyfriend, and her response is ''he never asked me if I did''. I was just bamboozled by that response
:-D

That's a sitcom material!
 
  • #7
Glad you enjoyed it. To Lendav, we had been dating for a year now. I think what makes me so angry is how she put it on me so nonchalantly.
 
  • #8
Don't mistake the apparent nonchalance for not being bothered. These situations are never easy to deal with whatever side you are on. One way is to make the situation seem lighter than it is. Head up, she wasn't for you, move on, plenty more fish in the sea, good luck!
 
  • #9
@Maylis, There are some lessons to be learned here.

1. Yes, it hurts. The relationship wouldn't have been good if an abrupt end didn't hurt.

2. You burnt some bridges. Who knows what would have transpired if you hadn't burnt those bridges? She might have gone out with that other guy and found out that you really were the one for her. That can't happen now. Don't burn your bridges, and if you do, don't pour gasoline on them before you light the match.

3. Nonchalantly is the best way for a relationship to end. Watch The War of the Roses for a non-nonchalant ending of a relationship.
 
  • #10
To D H, if she had actually gone out with the guy and realized she liked me more, I wouldn't take her back. I'm not going to just sit there and watch her go dating other guys when I've been with her for a year. I'd rather burn the bridges with the gasoline then look like a fool while my girl goes out with anyone who asks her on a date. We were exclusive and there was no question about it.
 
  • #11
''I can't control my feelings''. I said why didn't you tell the guy you had a boyfriend, and her response is ''he never asked me if I did''. I was just bamboozled by that response
I just have to comment on how ridiculous that response is. So it was apparently up to that other guy to keep your girlfriend from dating him. He needs to ask the right questions in order for him to know to stay away from her.

Maybe I'll go up to some married women, not ask if they're married, and if they like me, they'll date me because I didn't ask if they were married.
To D H, if she had actually gone out with the guy and realized she liked me more, I wouldn't take her back. I'm not going to just sit there and watch her go dating other guys when I've been with her for a year. I'd rather burn the bridges with the gasoline then look like a fool while my girl goes out with anyone who asks her on a date. We were exclusive and there was no question about it.
It hurts losing someone you love, but at least you can look at yourself in the mirror in the morning.
 
  • #12
Maylis said:
We were exclusive and there was no question about it.

It seems like there was no question about it in your mind, but you didn't bother to check if she thought the same way (and apparently, she didn't).

That's the take-home lesson to learn from this, IMO.
 
  • #13
hmmmmm.. sounds to me like she was apprising you of a casual 'date' of some sort, which may well have been quite innocent.
It's more noble than sneaking around.


The hackneyed old saying "If you love something set it free..." has a lot of common sense to it.. we can't own somebody .


I'm going through a whirlwind right now, mixed feelings of anger, extreme anger, sadness,
and she says ''I can't control my feelings''.


One can't blame one's blemishes on the mirror.
 
  • #14
It wasn't a casual date. She told me a week prior that he had tried to get her phone number, but she claimed that she didn't give it to him because she had no reason to. Whether or not its true is another story. Anyways, this guy obviously likes her, it is beyond just something casual or friendly.

Also Alephzero, we had not seen anyone else during our year together, so I don't know what you are talking about.
 
  • #15
Maylis said:
Also Alephzero, we had not seen anyone else during our year together, so I don't know what you are talking about.

I think what Alephzero wanted to say is that even though it might be true that she wasn't seeing anyone else, it certainly doesn't mean that she wasn't thinking about it, or considering it. And that's what maybe you failed to realize (just like you didn't even try to understand what Alephzero tried to tell you).

And by the way, "so I don't know what you are talking about"? That's rude in my opinion. He was just trying to help you. You'd better calm down, stop focusing on yourself too much, and instead, try to understand others a bit more.
 
  • #16
Maylis said:
To D H, if she had actually gone out with the guy and realized she liked me more, I wouldn't take her back. I'm not going to just sit there and watch her go dating other guys when I've been with her for a year. I'd rather burn the bridges with the gasoline then look like a fool while my girl goes out with anyone who asks her on a date. We were exclusive and there was no question about it.

For what it's worth, I agree with you and disagree with D H (specifically on his point 2).

If the implicit understanding is that it's a monogamous relationship (and that's the usual default), then how did she expect you to take her news?

If one is happy in a committed relationship, one does not look to play the field. She may have been trying to do this, but that would make you a chump.

I think the more likely explanation is that she was passive-aggressively breaking up with you by telling you what she was going to do. That way, you get to be the "bad guy" ending things with an ultimatum. But from my read of things, this relationship was never going to work out anyway - she would've broken up with you sooner or later. Better sooner, I think, for you. Now you can move on and find someone better.
 
  • #17
Well, you learned something, don't apply this newfound piece of information to any girl out there, though :D Before long this new guy will be left the same way as you were, some girls are like that, messed up in the head - you cannot tackle them with logic. Some girls simply need a man to put her in her place, finito - turns out you were not macho enough. Yous would have parted ways sooner or later anyways.
 
  • #18
I admit there were warning signs in the past that she was not happy with the relationship that I ignored. It's shameful though that she couldn't break it off with me until she had someone in her pocket, like she can't be alone.

Waiting until I'm at school where I can't really do anything.
 
  • #19
Maylis said:
So I just got back up to school after spending a week back home with my girlfriend. We had no fights nor arguments, and got to spend some quality time together.

Maylis said:
I admit there were warning signs in the past that she was not happy with the relationship that I ignored.
I'm sensing a contradiction here.
It's shameful though that she couldn't break it off with me until she had someone in her pocket, like she can't be alone.
You were ignoring the relationship. In her mind, she may have been on the verge of breaking up with you before your visit home. That visit home nailed it. She just didn't have the guts to tell you to your face.

What would your reaction have been if she had broken up with you face to face, while you were there?
 
  • #20
Sure, we have had many ups and downs. This last week when I was home there were no fights, not had there been any fights for probably a month or two.

We can only speculate what was going on in her head. She is 27 and I am 22. In her culture she has a lot of pressure to get married and she used to put pressure on me to marry her within a couple years, but I am in no position for that nonsense

We had that conversation a few months ago, but it was never brought up again.

I mean we were intimate when I came back, so there was no indication of any dissatisfaction within the relationship at that time. We spent a lot of time together for that week, so the timing is what really puzzled me.
 
  • #21
Maylis said:
We can only speculate what was going on in her head. She is 27 and I am 22. In her culture she has a lot of pressure to get married and she used to put pressure on me to marry her within a couple years, but I am in no position for that nonsense

The way you dismiss her culture as "nonsense", seems to be a problem to me. I mean different people are at different points in their lives. It's reasonable that you don't want to get married. It's also reasonable that she wanted to get married. This is not nonsense.

Granted, the way she broke up with you was harsh. And I do understand your pain, so I'm sorry to hear about it. But it doesn't seem like this relationship would have worked out in the end, not if you were dismissing her wishes as "nonsense".

I know it's hard, but you have to let her go. =/
 
  • #22
Like I said, don't apply what you learn in math or physics class to a relationship. She IS the kind of girl who needs to be shown what to do. Girl or woman, whatever, 27? For future reference, talk to your woman. If it springs up a fight, splendid, means there is something to thrive for in the relationship. I would rather a lively relationship than a passive one. When you say you guys didn't have fights and whatnot - means in most cases either one of you, usually the guy, is too damn passive. Well, game over for now. No need to analyze it further. As a wise man once said: "deal with it" - this is not an insult, you reap what you sow after all.
 
  • #23
...to marry her within a couple years, but I am in no position for that nonsense.
We had that conversation a few months ago, but it was never brought up again.

wo-men.jpg

http://ice.ucdavis.edu/~robyn/funnies.html

so what was in it for her?
 
  • #24
Well I talked to her today. She said she had been lying about loving me and that she thought that she could eventually convince herself that she loved me, but it never happened. I had the pleasure of cussing her out and saying all the bad things about her, so at least I feel better now. So happy to have been lead on for the past year...

New chapter of my life begins now!
 
  • #25
Does she have to give you reasons why she loves you? Does she have to give reasons why she doesn't love you? It's either she loves you, or she doesn't. There are no reasons needed. No one understands love. There are no criteria to it. Love is an absolute bias feeling and relates solely to an individual experience. There is no say you have on front of love except of submission or letting go. You cannot force it, nor can you push it down.

You don't sound like you were in love with her yourself, IMO.. it just showed in your reaction, with respect. Maybe you two weren't sure about it in the very beginning. But I'm glad you are feeling better.
 
  • #26
It's been two months and I still think about her daily. I am just so disappointed in her for doing this. We have had very minimal communication almost none. I don't know what to do to get over this. Other girls just don't make me feel the same way she does.

Should I tell her how I feel or do I say nothing? I have no idea what is going on with her, but it seems so cruel of her to leave me for no good reason, especially after I helped her out a lot and then she won't even try to contact me, feels like she just doesn't care about me at all.

By the way I apologized the next day about what I said, and she accepted and didn't seem upset about it at all. Just putting it out there for any responses that try to address that as the most prominent reason.
 
  • #27
You are entitled to feel that way, but it would be best for you to let her go. No good can come from this situation. Other girls don't make you feel the same way she does, because you haven't let go yet. Time to accept: she's just not that into you. It doesn't matter if she has a good reason or not. She might care about you or not, but clearly she has shown that she's not the right person to have a relationship with.
 
  • #28
Absolutely agree with Monique. Your obsession with this girl is unhealthy. I don't think she was evil in trying to make herself love you, at least she did the right thing and told you she doesn't and won't. She's moved on and you should too. Don't pretend that she's coming back. You aren't allowing yourself to see how great other girls are due to some fantasy about this girl. That's a recipe for disaster.
 
  • #29
Maylis said:
. . . . I had the pleasure of cussing her out and saying all the bad things about her, so at least I feel better now.

Maylis said:
It's been two months and I still think about her daily. I am just so disappointed in her for doing this. We have had very minimal communication almost none. I don't know what to do to get over this. Other girls just don't make me feel the same way she does.

Should I tell her how I feel or do I say nothing? I have no idea what is going on with her, but it seems so cruel of her to leave me for no good reason, especially after I helped her out a lot and then she won't even try to contact me, feels like she just doesn't care about me at all.

By the way I apologized the next day about what I said, and she accepted and didn't seem upset about it at all. Just putting it out there for any responses that try to address that as the most prominent reason.
It seems one burned that bridge. One cussed her out and ostensibly insulted her, then apologized later. If she readily accepted one's apology, then perhaps she's not too invested in the relationship, and maybe she's moved on.

It would be best to let it go and learn from the experience. Certainly pay attention to the other person and the relationship.

When my relationships fizzled, I'd thank the girl for the time we had together, and I wish them well. I'm grateful for the wonderful times I had with the women who invested some of themselves with me, and I honestly hope they find that one special relationship. I married a fine woman 32 years ago after being engaged for 1 year, which was after dating for several months.
 
  • #30
Evo said:
Absolutely agree with Monique. Your obsession with this girl is unhealthy. I don't think she was evil in trying to make herself love you, at least she did the right thing and told you she doesn't and won't. She's moved on and you should too. Don't pretend that she's coming back. You aren't allowing yourself to see how great other girls are due to some fantasy about this girl. That's a recipe for disaster.
Hello evo. I can agree with you, but I'm curious about your thoughts on the fact that she waited until she found someone else. I do not think she would have left me unless she found someone else first. She could have ended it months ago on her own without the reason having to be another person. That is part if what upsets me so much it really is an ego thing.
 
  • #31
Maylis said:
Hello evo. I can agree with you, but I'm curious about your thoughts on the fact that she waited until she found someone else. I do not think she would have left me unless she found someone else first. She could have ended it months ago on her own without the reason having to be another person. That is part if what upsets me so much it really is an ego thing.
Well, that shows badly upon her. I know quite a few women that stay with men they don't care about until they find someone else, they just don't want to be "alone". It's really not right to use the poor guy that way. She should have broken up with you sooner and not led you on, shame on her!

The answer is still the same. Forget her! Find someone normal.
 
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  • #32
Evo said:
Well, that shows badly upon her. I know quite a few women that stay with men they don't care about until they find someone else, they just don't want to be "alone". It's really not right to use the poor guy that way. She should have broken up with you sooner and not led you on, shame on her!

The answer is still the same. Forget her! Find someone normal.

Yep!

Lots of women can't stand the thought of being "unattached". This is a sign of immaturity.

I feel for you, Maylis, it hurts like hell to get your heart broken. But now you have to conscientiously choose to heal yourself. This may be the hardest thing you do in your life, but you can do it, and you must.

Find other things to do. Get busy! Read books. Pursue hobbies. Join clubs - Meetup is great!

http://www.meetup.com/

You have to move on.
 
  • #33
Maylis said:
Hello evo. I can agree with you, but I'm curious about your thoughts on the fact that she waited until she found someone else. I do not think she would have left me unless she found someone else first. She could have ended it months ago on her own without the reason having to be another person. That is part if what upsets me so much it really is an ego thing.

I don't know if it helps, but sometimes people don't realize how they really feel about a relationship until someone else jumps into the picture and perturbs things. That doesn't necessarily mean that she was immature or needs to be with someone or was leading you on for some malicious reason. Some people just proceed on auto-pilot, particularly if they don't know anything else. Then when another option is presented, it becomes a trigger - the auto-pilot disengages and the current relationship is re-evaluated.

The best thing to do about it is to move on. I know that's easier said than done sometimes, but beating yourself up over questions about why she made the choices she did really doesn't put you in a better position. Learn what you can from it, and then bounce back. There are a lot of other options out there and some of them are really good ones.
 
  • #34
Monique said:
You are entitled to feel that way, but it would be best for you to let her go. No good can come from this situation. Other girls don't make you feel the same way she does, because you haven't let go yet. Time to accept: she's just not that into you. It doesn't matter if she has a good reason or not. She might care about you or not, but clearly she has shown that she's not the right person to have a relationship with.
I couldn't agree more.

Repeat after the lyrics:

NSYNC Bye said:
♫I know that I can't take no more, it ain't no lie. I want to see you out that door. Baby bye, bye, bye.♫

But for real, you should bye bye her.

EDIT: Anything else I could say has already been told.
 
  • #35
Yes, move on..

 
Last edited by a moderator:
<h2>1. Why did my girlfriend leave me for no apparent reason?</h2><p>It is natural to want an explanation for a sudden breakup, but sometimes people make decisions based on their own personal reasons that they may not be ready or willing to share. It is important to respect your ex-partner's decision and focus on moving forward.</p><h2>2. Is there something I did to cause my girlfriend to leave?</h2><p>It is possible that your actions or behavior may have contributed to the breakup, but it is also important to recognize that relationships involve two people and it is not solely your responsibility. Reflect on your own behavior and learn from any mistakes, but do not blame yourself entirely.</p><h2>3. Can I get my girlfriend back if she left for no reason?</h2><p>Every situation is different and it is impossible to predict whether or not your ex-partner will want to reconcile. It is important to give them space and time to process their decision. If they do not want to get back together, it is important to respect their decision and focus on moving on.</p><h2>4. How can I cope with my girlfriend leaving me without a reason?</h2><p>Breakups can be difficult and it is important to take care of yourself during this time. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, engage in activities that bring you joy, and seek professional help if needed. It is also important to acknowledge and process your emotions, but try not to dwell on the reasons for the breakup.</p><h2>5. Should I try to contact my girlfriend to get closure?</h2><p>Closure is a personal and individual process, and it is ultimately up to you to decide if reaching out to your ex-partner will help you find closure. However, it is important to respect their decision and boundaries if they do not want to communicate. It may be more helpful to seek closure through self-reflection and focusing on your own healing.</p>

1. Why did my girlfriend leave me for no apparent reason?

It is natural to want an explanation for a sudden breakup, but sometimes people make decisions based on their own personal reasons that they may not be ready or willing to share. It is important to respect your ex-partner's decision and focus on moving forward.

2. Is there something I did to cause my girlfriend to leave?

It is possible that your actions or behavior may have contributed to the breakup, but it is also important to recognize that relationships involve two people and it is not solely your responsibility. Reflect on your own behavior and learn from any mistakes, but do not blame yourself entirely.

3. Can I get my girlfriend back if she left for no reason?

Every situation is different and it is impossible to predict whether or not your ex-partner will want to reconcile. It is important to give them space and time to process their decision. If they do not want to get back together, it is important to respect their decision and focus on moving on.

4. How can I cope with my girlfriend leaving me without a reason?

Breakups can be difficult and it is important to take care of yourself during this time. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, engage in activities that bring you joy, and seek professional help if needed. It is also important to acknowledge and process your emotions, but try not to dwell on the reasons for the breakup.

5. Should I try to contact my girlfriend to get closure?

Closure is a personal and individual process, and it is ultimately up to you to decide if reaching out to your ex-partner will help you find closure. However, it is important to respect their decision and boundaries if they do not want to communicate. It may be more helpful to seek closure through self-reflection and focusing on your own healing.

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