Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

Am just putting all jokes in here now, lame or good, seems to get better attention than if I create a separate thread

 

[jedishrfu]

The next problem is ... is it 120 C or F

Yeah, I was thinking about that too not that I know anything about baking cakes except maybe a Duncan Hines cake mix with instructions.

I heard one story though of a kid who wanted a vanilla cake but his mom had only a chocolate cake mix so he baked it without the chocolate component and it was a disaster.

 

[mpresic]

Why do they call it a vacuum cleaner? What can be cleaner than a vacuum

 

[OCR]

​

 

[davenn]

​

View attachment 105284

yikessssss

 

[davenn]

ohhh dear ...

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/14117934_1155757111151898_2056835796146235837_n.jpg?oh=df823f667c7a9ff6d4cd7fcc4da58975&oe=5844184C&__gda__=1480626293_ee5985d6afbd86dae84ea604db6a7543

 

[fresh_42]

The next problem is ... is it 120 C or F

I think it has to be Kelvin. Firstly, there is no specification, and secondly, the plastic won't melt this way.

 

[mfb]

Why do they call it a vacuum cleaner? What can be cleaner than a vacuum

But how can you clean the vacuum then?

 

[fresh_42]

But how can you clean the vacuum then?

May I borrow your vacuum cleaner for a day? I'll come fetch it and return it the very next day. I promise!

 

[jtbell]

Researchers have now deciphered the recently-discovered "alien signal" from HD 164595:

 

[davenn]

Researchers have now deciphered the recently-discovered "alien signal" from HD 164595:

hahaha brilliant.
Gordon Shumway ... Gordo to his mates D

 

[Ibix]

Why is the Flash always well rested?

Because when he's asleep, he's fast asleep.

 

[fresh_42]

In German the word "fast" means almost.
Helps a lot when you go to McDonald's.

 

[jtbell]

In German the word "fast" means almost.

Don't you just love those false cognates? German "Gift" = English "poison".

 

[fresh_42]

Don't you just love those false cognates? German "Gift" = English "poison".

...hmmm, ... whether Troy has something to do with it ... timeo Danaos et dona ferentes ...

But seriously, both come from old versions of to give. As gifted can be said as given (talent). Funny is, that the stuff that brides contribute to their marriage, linen, laces and so, dowry, is called "Mitgift" in German: given along. The word poison is of Latin / French origin, meaning potion - potare - drink. The USSR wasn't the first power that divided the continent. So the only difference is basically whether someone passively gives you poison or you actively drink poison. Not really much of a difference. What always makes me nervous is, that the French have the same word for poison, poison. However, fish is poisson ... Languages are funny.

 

[DrClaude]

Don't you just love those false cognates? German "Gift" = English "poison".

In Swedish, gift means both poison and married

 

[davenn]

 

[1oldman2]

Montana roads repairs.

 

[fresh_42]

Montana roads repairs.
View attachment 105495

I've found Hollywood (CA), Hollywood (PA) and Hollywood (FL). Hollywood (MT) must be somewhere in this hole though.

 

[1oldman2]

I've found Hollywood (CA), Hollywood (PA) and Hollywood (FL). Hollywood (MT) must be somewhere in this hole though.

This definitely ain't Rodeo Dr.

 

[fresh_42]

This definitely ain't Rodeo Dr.

There is only one thing that really surprises me. If "a bit" is enough, then I have a good idea what "normal speed" must be. O.K. as living in a country where there isn't a general speed limit (although this isn't true for this kind of roads), I don't have a problem with it. But how in hell will you be able to take the bend in about 200 m down the road? You survive a real marvelous stunt and then a simple turn will kill you?

 

[1oldman2]

You survive a real marvelous stunt and then a simple turn will kill you?

It's an art, not a science. However most accidents here usually involve at least one deer.

 

[davenn]

love it :)

 

[fresh_42]

I like this version:

 

[davenn]

so true !

 

[jtbell]

What do you call a tortilla wrap filled with shaved ice?

A brrr-ito.

 

[davenn]

What do you call a tortilla wrap filled with shaved ice?

A brrr-ito.

 

[OCR]

...

Montana roads repairs.

You " monkeyed " with that sign... didn't you ?

You know it always used to be...

O.K. as living in a country where there isn't a general speed limit...

Unless, you're talking about where you live ?

In Montana, it's 80 mph max on most interstates... it used to be 'reasonable and prudent'... basically, not over 90.

 

[mfb]

Unless, you're talking about where you live ?

Where we (Germans) are going, we don't need speed limits!

 

[Pepper Mint]

View attachment 105509

What do you call a tortilla wrap filled with shaved ice?

A brrr-ito.

I find that I love a brrr-ito without a wrapper.

 

[fresh_42]

This definitely ain't Rodeo Dr.

If you are going to make this stunt, it automatically becomes Rodeo Dr.. For a brief moment. Then it'll turn into Sunset Blvd.

Edit: And if you're going to make it, they'll call it walk of fame!

 

[davenn]

cant win !

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14141578_1111616325540267_3894683967962366438_n.jpg?oh=0d2e4d680cf33c85e3e03f3be287dcef&oe=58843325

 

[fresh_42]

Someone titled a thread "energy-stress-tensor of dust" today.
I only wanted to ask him/her whether his/her frame of reference was male or female.
It's trivial in the first and a singularity in the second.

 

[jtbell]

This looks like it has something to do with Male Genetic Dirt Blindness (MGDB).

 

[davenn]

This looks like it has something to do with Male Genetic Dirt Blindness (MGDB).

is that akin to selective deafness ??